A guest post from a reader with her permission with some lightbulb moments about Valentine’s Day and her husband:
My husband works weekends and Valentine’s is coming up on Sunday and my birthday is the next day. Our church is doing a couple’s Valentines dinner on Saturday and I asked if he could get off.
Then after some deep thinking prompted by the Lord I realized how foolish this was.
Why would I ask him to use up one of his days off to go eat and stay up late so he would have to turn around and go to work the next day tired all so I can say I did something for Valentine’s Day. It was selfish and childish.
I began to really analyze the “why” behind my desire and found that I didn’t really want to go but felt pressured by worldly expectations and I was expecting my husband to be everything… that’s when the Lord really taught me.
Is my husband my everything?
Can he be everything, as in can he be or possess every facet of every man I’ve seen in a romance movie, I’ve read about in a Jane Austin novel or the husbands of my friends? Can’t I get everything in one package?
The answer is no! And that’s okay. That’s reality!!!
The truth is my husband is NOT romantic, he doesn’t plan fancy dinners, vacations or anniversary getaways. He isn’t a sharp dresser. He doesn’t drive nice cars or visit an expensive barber. He doesn’t give out verbal compliments or write love letters. He isn’t good with words nor comfortable with public displays of affection. He isn’t “everything” (as some would count it).
But…. my husband is a good man who is faithful to me.
He doesn’t look at porn, at other women nor has or maintains female friends. I never have to check his texts or worry when he’s late coming home from work. When we make love I know it’s with me only, that he believes our intimacy is special and private. He is confident in his manhood and has no need to cheat or brag about our private life.
He is a good provider and is so generous with any money or bonuses he has earned. He loves our children and dotes on them, fully supports them and always makes a happy Christmas and Birthday for each one.
He is frugal and spends wisely and is soon to be debt free and pass that legacy to our children. He is willing to work long hours so I can stay at home and homeschool. Every one of our needs he pays for without complaint.
He is a man of few words but he works hard and long, he maintains our cars, he mows the yard, and remodels our home. He even blesses me with washing the dishes, changing a diaper, sweeping the floor, doing some grocery shopping, or throwing laundry in the dryer if I’m tired or had a crazy day with the kids. Most of the time without me even asking.
I tell you all this because the Lord is teaching me how incredibly selfish I have been, how ungrateful to Him for blessing me with a wonderful husband. I’ve desired the world’s approval above my God’s approval and destroyed my marriage. Then like an ignorant child I’ve thrown fits and blamed my husband. But God has been gracious to wait on me and discipline me gently.
No my husband is not “everything,” nor should he be. He’s my husband and he’s who God led me to and that’s more than enough for me. Thank you for taking the time to lovingly correct me and point me to Christ. Take care and God bless.
From Peaceful Wife about Valentine’s Day and marriage healing
I have no problem with couples celebrating Valentine’s Day IF they can do it without resentment and without getting caught up in unloving motives.
If our expectations don’t work out, my prayer is that we may respond graciously and not assume the worst about our men.
I have found that when I have unrealistic or unbiblical expectations, I tend to feel resentful, unloved, and ungrateful. I miss all the incredible blessings I actually already have.
Our husbands are real-life men. Not the romantic lead in a Hallmark movie. They may not show love in the way that the hero of a romance novel would. They don’t have a scriptwriter.
But they do show love in their own beautiful, powerful ways. As we focus on what we have and on what our husbands do for us, we may find we have some really great men.
I have discovered that this real-life kind of love from my husband is actually way better and more satisfying than the Hollywood kind or the commercials for Valentine’s Day that I used to wish for.
I have also found that when I look to Jesus as my all-in-all, I can be content, joyful, grateful, and have eyes to see the myriads of blessings the Lord has given me.
How has God changed your perspective about your husband or Valentine’s Day in a healthy way? We’d love to hear about it!
Contentment on Valentine’s Day
Finding Contentment in Christ Alone
How to Make Your Husband an Idol
I Was SURE I Would Never Make My Husband an Idol
How to Respect Your Husband without Making Him an Idol
Are We Responsible for Our Spouse’s Happiness?
Overcoming Unhappiness in Marriage
We have not celebrated valentine’s day in our 10 years of marriage….it gives freedom to celebrate our love every day of the year 🙂
Thank you for sharing! I love the idea of appreciating each other daily. That is beautiful!
Thank you for this perspective. It’s so true and beautiful.
I totally agree! Isn’t it amazing what a change in perspective can do? Especially when the Holy Spirit is involved!
Wait. Is this about my husband?? I could have written this verbatim! Thank you so much for sharing. It’s taken me some time to take off the Hollywood glasses of unrealistic expectations and perfectionism and see all the ways my hubby shows me love. It’s less about the big celebrations and more about the daily little things in how he communicates love to me. So similar to our Father in Heaven!
Isn’t that amazing? I could have written the same about my husband. But how blessed wives are who have husbands like this. It’s much better than Hollywood and yes, so much like God’s love! Thank you for sharing, dear sister. I’m thrilled that are you seeing with new eyes.
Well…if I keep getting hugs like that you don’t have to worry about my love for you.
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