Tips for when relating to your family when you are feeling hormonal:
1. Let your husband and children know what is going on briefly and sweetly.
It’s a lot easier for them to extend grace to you if you immediately let them know you aren’t feeling well whether you have PMS, you are pregnant, or you are going through peri-menopause (like I am right now).
You can do this in a pleasant, calm way. Once is probably enough.
- “Hey, guys, just wanted to let you know that I think I am feeling pretty hormonal today. Just want to give everyone a heads up.”
- “If I start crying, please don’t take it personally, my hormones are just crazy today.”
- “Honey, I am starting with a migraine. I may need to take it easy today.”
While it may seem like complaining to honestly and vulnerably tell your family what is happening, it is actually a gift to them. If you don’t tell them, and then you act angry or get upset easily, they will be confused and may feel quite hurt.
They need and deserve to know if you are struggling with something. They may be able to help. And even if they can’t make things better, they will be a lot more understanding if they know there is a problem and what the problem is.
2. Ask for what you need directly and politely.
If you know something could help, be sure to communicate that to your family. They are not mind-readers.
- I could use a big hug right now.
- If we could cuddle tonight for awhile, it would really help take the edge off of my PMS tonight.
- I think I may need to take a bubble bath tonight to de-stress for a bit.
- If you could help me with the kids, I would appreciate it so much. I feel like I could snap and I don’t want to do that to them.
- I may need to head to bed early tonight.
- If y’all could manage making supper tonight, that would take a big load and a lot of stress from my shoulders.
- I think I could use a funny story/joke today.
When you ask, be sure to ask with a pleasant tone of voice and without playing the martyr, putting anyone on a guilt trip, or trying to pressure or control people.
If they can’t or won’t help, that’s going to have to be okay. Just manage the best you can and make it as easy on yourself as possible to get through this day.
3. Remind yourself when your hormones are crazy that your feelings and thoughts may not be accurate.
It helps me to remember a few things about when I feel hormonal:
- Things may feel a lot worse than they are for a few days.
- I may feel a sense of urgency to try to force my way, but I can’t trust that feeling and shouldn’t act on it.
- I may need to set aside important decisions for a bit until I am feeling more stable.
- I may feel like people have evil motives toward me during this time, or feel like others are my enemies a lot more than normal. This is usually the hormones talking, not reality.
- I may feel more alone and isolated than normal. I may feel more unloved than usual. This is also usually the hormones talking.
I can take my thoughts captive for Christ. I don’t have to believe every thought I have during those crazy hormone moments.
4. Defer to someone you trust, preferably your husband, when your judgment is cloudy.
I go to my husband when I realize I am hormonal and decide to trust his perspective much more than my own. If he feels something is not a big deal, then I let it go. I know things will look better later when I am feeling better. I thank him for his wisdom and leadership. And I thank God that husbands don’t get hormonal!
It’s a blessing to have someone who remains emotionally stable to lead the way.
Of course, I seek to pray and invite God to give me ultimate wisdom.
5. Spend time in praise and thanksgiving to God.
It’s amazing how focusing on Jesus can completely change my perspective. Sometimes, it helps me to write down God’s character, blessings He has given me, things I am thankful for, answered prayers in the past, or God’s promises.
If I am able to sing out loud to the Lord and praise Him in song, it is the absolute best remedy!
Sometimes, I also write down the things I am feeling and invite God to help me compare them to Scripture. Then I write down the truth from God’s Word and purposely choose to receive His Word and trust Him rather than my thoughts.
6. If possible, take things off your plate.
I have found it can be helpful to remove extra commitments or responsibilities during this time and to get extra rest. The more rushed or pressured I feel, the more difficult it tends to be for me and those I love.
I also try not to make big decisions during this time. It may feel like it can’t wait, but it probably can. And everyone will probably be thankful if I wait until I am feeling better before trying to discuss something life-changing.
Conversely, sometimes doing something to bless someone else can be a great idea if you have the energy. It will benefit them and put a lot of joy in your heart.
7. Talk with a prayer partner wife or mentor.
This is such a blessing. Just reaching out to another woman/wife who can help you find perspective and some stability makes a big difference. And if she is a believer who will point you to Jesus and pray with you, that can be the biggest blessing!
Reminder—please don’t go to another man for advice. It’s best to confide in other women you trust, respect, and who love the Lord wholeheartedly.
8. Get out in nature and enjoy the beauty of God’s creation.
Some sunshine and the beauty of the sky, trees, and sounds of the birds can be a huge blessing when you are feeling down.
Also, going for a walk or run, getting some exercise, can help you feel a lot better.
These seasons are a great way to remind myself how to relate to God all the time. His wisdom is always infinitely higher than mine. His thoughts are always far above my thoughts. I may not understand what is going on at the moment, but He does and I can trust His heart and thoughts.
For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, declares the Lord. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.Isa. 55:8-9
Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding.Prov. 3:5
Have you learned any godly, healthy ways to relate to your husband and children when you are feeling hormonal and out of balance emotionally? We’d love to hear your ideas in the comments!
If things are really bad, please check with your doctor for medical help.
The Ultimate Guide to Menopause and Sleep by Sleepopolis