Valentine’s Day tends to create a LOT of specific expectations for women, thanks to heavy advertising. And, sadly, this day triggers a whole lot of disharmony in marriages and relationships.
I believe this happens because sometimes we exalt Valentine’s Day to “idol status” in our hearts.
How Can I Tell If I Have Idolized Valentine’s Day?
- I pin a whole lot of hopes and expectations to that day.
- If I don’t get what I want and expect from my husband, I become very upset, disappointed, and maybe even devastated.
- I tie my sense of wellbeing, identity, and security to what my husband gives me or does for me on this day.
- I make the day all about what my husband does for me and my desires.
- I ignore anything good my husband does for me daily or at other times in the year and use this day and a very rigid set of expectations to judge his love for me.
If you realize that some of these things may be true for you, it’s not too late! You can choose to unhitch yourself from these expectations. You can turn from them and invite God to change your thinking about things.
A Reader, Danielle Green, Shares Her Insights:
The trouble is that Hollywood, romance novels, and society’s ideas have warped our perspective as to how husbands, relationships, and marriage should be.
We build up idols of who we think our husbands should be or what marriage should be like.
In truth when we adopt these ideas just like the woman in your last post said, we can be so ignorant to how wonderful our husbands or marriages really are—that often we are loved and all our needs are provided for.
When we draw back to the biblical perspective and we are abiding in truth, we see the blessings. We are satisfied, secure, and content in God’s love and provision. Then we focus on loving and doing what we can to give in relationships instead of what we can get from them.
Also, God has opened my eyes to see that in some ways when I wanted to be fussed over and have all these romantic things…
In truth, I wanted to be worshipped! In turn, I would worship others!
In the end, you end up shipwrecked, an emotional wreck, feeling unloved, ugly, unwanted, and destroyed! These days and these idolized ideas of what relationships should be always lead to pain, disappointment, and disaster.
The best thing I ever did was abandon these days and society’s ideas altogether.
Now I am so free and secure in God’s love. Every day is about Him and serving Him and loving others.
I forget about these worldly holidays because I am too focused on living for the Lord, worshipping Him, and directing all worship to Him.
Also when we are abiding in Him—He often brings our failings and bad attitudes and behaviors to light—even a thought that is out of step with God’s will or Spirit is rebuked and it leaves us contrite, humbled, and more concerned about how we fail God and fail others so we are not pointing fingers at others or as disappointed with them as we would have been.
Instead, we are more patient, long-suffering, and merciful to those around us. We are grateful for God’s patience, long-suffering, and mercy toward us.
Denying self is being content and grateful even when others forget you or you are neglected. Dying to self is being focused on the welfare of others before your own. It is when you are happy when others are honored and you aren’t. You are content no matter the situation, not itching for attention.
May we all draw closer to God and live for and love God with all our hearts minds soul and strength instead of the world’s philosophy of me, myself, and I.
May our focus and love of Christ flow out into the world in loving and serving others while denying ourselves, as a witness to the world of truth and the heart of Christ.
It’s fine to buy gifts for each other on Valentine’s Day IF we choose to out of pure motives. We can enjoy our husbands and marriages and this day in ways that honor our men and the Lord.
But let’s be mindful of any motives that may be toxic in our souls or our marriages and invite God to help cleanse us of those.
If this day is feeding idolatry in our hearts, let’s tear that out and repent, drawing closer to the Lord and blessing our marriages.
4 Healthy Approaches to Valentine’s Day (and Every Day)
- Base your worth on the love of Jesus for you and His willingness to go to the cross in your place. Meditate on the blessings you have in Jesus. Recognize that you are created in the image of God and, if you are in Christ, you are co-heirs with Jesus, a daughter of the King of kings!
- Set yourself free from the power of advertiser’s messages. They are there to make a profit. No corporation should dictate to you what your husband’s love should look like.
- Lay down your expectations of what you will get on Valentine’s Day. Expect nothing. Respond graciously when things don’t go the way you had planned. Remember all the ways you are loved by God, family, friends, and your husband.
- Focus on ways you can be a blessing to others on Valentine’s Day, and every day. Could you take balloons and a card to a lonely elderly widow or the single mom down the street? Could you text your lonely friends and check on them? Could you send care packages to military personnel? Or to someone at your church who is having a hard time?
This Valentine’s Day is going to be difficult for many people because so many are isolated and lonely. How might the Lord want to use you to be a ray of sunlight and joy in someone’s life this year?
May the Lord refine and purify us, that we may be the godly wives, women, and moms He calls us to be. May we see clearly with His eyes and the mind of Christ.
May we be Spirit-filled, gracious, thankful women who treat our husbands well. This world and all that is in it is quickly passing away. Only God and what we do for His kingdom and other people will last.
Much love! <3
You are welcome to share any wisdom you have learned on this topic that may be a blessing to other ladies. Or you may share prayer requests if this is an area of struggle for you and you need some help and encouragement.