My Demon.

From Peacefulwife:

I am SOOOOO proud of this precious wife who is absorbing God’s Word and truth like a sponge and striving to obey Him and learn to respect her husband in ways that actually meet his deepest masculine needs.  She is learning so much!  God is truly at work in her heart and it is a beautiful thing to watch – even from over the internet! :)  I wanted her to share this post with all of my readers because I believe wives NEED to hear this.  This wife’s description of her “demon” is DEAD ON.  I wonder if husbands know about this stuff?

PS – I have my FIRST Peacefulwife VIDEO up on the Peacefulwife Blog Facebook Page today.  Check it out!  

I started the blog Lessons of Mercy as an accountability to myself, but also to those out there who have found themselves at a place where they see things in their life that need to be transformed into Christ-likeness, however, need a practical way to take the first steps.

Let me tell you a story about Wednesday night.  I really debated writing about this, because my husband reads my blog, however, I’m going to ask him to skip this one because I think the women reading this blog, need to hear about Wednesday night.

I’ve already posted on the this blog about discovering some major disrespect for my husband.  The kind that doesn’t even appear like disrespect in the world we live in today, that seems completely justified, and is so intertwined in my every day life that it’ll be like lifting boulders 100 times my own weight to remove these nasty habits. Yeah, that kind of disrespect.

Wednesday was just an ordinary day until my husband got home from work.  We haven’t been sleeping very well, and he’s been tired.  So he sat down in the chair and turned on the TV while I started fixing supper.

((There is too much back story about the TV “issue” to tell you everything but I will say that I do not have a TV addiction. I actually almost hate the TV.  I never watch it unless he is watching it. Though I have learned to enjoy a couple of the shows. We went 1 1/2 years without any television at all, and recently fixed our antenna so we get all the local channels, which is quite a few more than our parents use to get, but we still don’t have satellite or cable. Even with the absence of TV, we did not take complete advantage according to *me* for what we could do with our time as a family, which tends to make me resentful toward my husband, and with it available in our home again, it is quickly escalating in more time being on and watched than I personally care for it to be on.))

One little thing like the TV being on, quickly invites my demon (yes, I believe everyone has a demon that studies them and tempts them constantly) into a conversation with me.  He says “you’re headed right back to the life where you only speak to your husband on commercials.  Even re-runs are more important than you and the kids.”

I know my Savior. And I can feel the Holy Spirit move.  However, I don’t hear from God like I hear from my demon.  I can pray and spend time in silence after begging God to speak, and feel like after a day of fasting, I still am clueless what God is saying to me, or if He is speaking at all.  But the very moment something pulls on my frustrations, fears, insecurities, or weaknesses, I can hear so vividly and clearly the voice of my demon and am able to carry on long detailed conversations in good or bad directions.

On Wednesday when my demon started talking to me, I spoke back.  But not in my normal fashion.  I said “Get behind me Satan.  I’m not going down this road anymore.”

My husband left to go play guitar.  He’s been doing this once a week after the kids go to bed and I LOVE it!  It gets him out of the house, the chance to play and grow in his talent, and me plenty of time to play around on the computer, crochet or do anything I want without the guilt of ignoring him or the kids.

When my husband left, my demon started talking to me again.  “He was tired tonight, but he has enough energy to go play guitar and stay out til midnight?”

For 11 years, I have taken the bait and spun totally out of control.  I’d spend HOURS at a time ripping my husband to shreds to myself because I let my demon control where the conversation went. But in the last month, God is teaching me things and exposing my sins in grave detail in a way I’ve been so blinded to in the past.

I took those temptations to rip my husband apart and I purposely did the opposite.  I sent him a text thanking him for folding the clothes.  How could I almost have missed that he did that for me?  Remember, it’s because I was being coached to be mad about the TV being on?

I spent time praying for him and thinking about how much we’ve grown in our marriage.

When he got home, I had just headed to bed,  which I don’t normally do.  I am always up waiting for him to get home.  But like I said, we haven’t been sleeping well and I was really tired.  (Which also could have been from such spiritual warfare going on in my heart.)

When he came to bed, he turned on the TV.  I know I know, the stinking TV is like the center of my Wednesday!!  See, we’ve fought quite a few times, jokingly and in some very heated and hurtful conversations about the TV at night.  I like total darkness and complete silence.  He likes the TV being on.

I bet you know what happened.  My demon whispered so tenderly to my ears it practically gave me chills down my neck.  “How come for 11 years he is the one who always gets to go to bed the way he prefers?  Why did he automatically decide *you* have to learn to go to sleep with the TV on?  Why can’t he learn to go to sleep with it off?”

I was so afraid of what I was about to do next that I kissed my husband on the cheek, said “I love you” and then told him I was going to go ahead and sleep on the couch.  When he asked why, I just said as respectfully as I could, “I can’t sleep in here tonight.”

I had to remove myself.  Do you have any idea how many times we’ve fought while trying to go to bed because I’ve had hours of husband bashing sessions with my demon and then I take the opportunity to slay him apart to his face for how awful he is, how bad he messes up, how much he hurts me and every other thing I’m TOTALLY justified and entitled to say?

I laid down on the couch and quickly heard “Why isn’t he out here?  He knows the TV is bugging you, why isn’t he saying you should jump back in bed and he’ll sleep on the couch? Oh yeah, and don’t forget about this…. even though you told him you really need it, he still isn’t praying with you.”  Ouch.  The most tender point of devastation and he HAD to go there.  I tell you what, my demon knows me SO well.  The TV has NOTHING to do with praying together, and he brought it up as a last resort to get me to walk back in that room and destroy our intimacy, respect, trust and unity in our marriage.

I prayed and I told my demon that I have so much sin of my own and I am called to respect my husband no matter what I *think or feel* in any given moment.  I purposefully for the VERY FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE took my thoughts captive, stopped the demon from talking to me, and went to sleep.

I woke up so relieved!!  I didn’t say a bunch of really mean or hurtful things I couldn’t take back.  I kept the TV in perspective and didn’t allow that to be the standard by which I measure him as a husband and father.  I took my thoughts captive and spoke truth over the lies.

I can do this with the help the Holy Spirit is providing.  These boulders can be moved and these habits can be changed.

There are two main reasons why I am finally finding freedom and success.  And they have NOTHING to do with who my husband is, how he acts, or how he treats me. (Because ladies, I got a REALLY good one.  Bragging for another post : )

The first thing I’m really understanding for the first time in my life is that I have thought for 11 years that I’m better than my husband.  It comes out in a few different ways but mostly in the attitude that he sins more than me, and worse than me.  I’ve undoubtedly entertained this lie intimately with thoughts, actions and words that say “I would never have a TV addiction.”  “I’m so much better than him because I’d never do _______.”  “If he was really walking with the Lord he would do xyz.”

Hello pride.  No, I don’t have a TV addiction.  But I have an internet addiction.  No, I wouldn’t ever do _____ but I have spent multiple conversations “gossiping” to my friends.  No, he isn’t doing xyz right now, but I don’t do ALL KINDS of commands in scripture.   It’s disgusting how blind I’ve been to my own sin and how much pride has taken residence in my marriage.

And secondly, I will answer for my actions as a wife.  And God is not going to accept from me “Well, he did this or that.”  My sins will have no justification. And if I really love the Lord and want to serve Him in obedience, I can’t keep looking at someone elses actions and let that decide how I react to the commands my Savior has given me.  I have resolved in my heart that I want to live by the authority of God’s Word, not because of what I have or don’t have but because I have the opportunity to be obedient and give my life in service to become as christ-like as I can this side of eternity.

The Holy Spirit will empower me to live my life with purpose IF I choose to participate.  My only other option is to live my life in reaction to the way other people act by default. That really leaves me trapped and defensive. Feelings I’m definitely no stranger to, but have never been happy to claim as my identity.

Practical Application:

Stop having conversations with my demon.

Take my thoughts captive.

Meditate on the two truths I’m learning from above.

Own freedom.

Live with purpose.

Bring God glory by being obedient to the call on my life no matter if others are doing the same or not.

Respect my husband. Always. In ALL ways.

I had this same LOUD voice in my head all the time – every waking moment – that was constantly accusing my husband of evil – evil motives, evil desires, evil intentions towards me.  I trusted that voice.  I thought that was normal. Turns out the voice was WRONG.  I was greatly deceived.  Learning to respect our husbands involves silencing the demon and our sinful nature.  It means staying on top of sin and repenting for ever single thing that has the slightest offense in God’s sight.  And it means being empowered by God’s Spirit to do what we can’t do on our own.  This is a process.  I am so thankful for this peek into a wife’s thinking and into her heart.  What she is describing is the battle to slay sin and crucify ourselves so that we can live for Christ – it’s part of learning.  She does a FANTASTIC job describing this stage of the journey.  Thank you SO MUCH, Lessonsofmercy, for sharing this powerful piece with us! (PS – my demon had used ALL of those exact same lines on me for 15.5 years.  WORD FOR WORD!  The tv, the praying, everything.  He still tries it on me sometimes – but I cling to Christ and my husband and don’t listen to the accuser anymore!)

FROM PEACEFULWIFE:

PLEASE check out the post my husband wrote in response to this “The Voice in His Head”.

SOMETHING TO CAREFULLY CONSIDER:

Demons are real according to the Bible and they are extremely powerful. It is dangerous to try to have conversations with them. God is much more powerful than demons are, but we are not. Here is what Scripture has to say about some false teachers and the casual way they spoke of demons:

Bold and arrogant, they are not afraid to heap abuse on celestial beings; 11 yet even angels, although they are stronger and more powerful, do not heap abuse on such beings when bringing judgment on them from the Lord. 12 But these people blaspheme in matters they do not understand. They are like unreasoning animals, creatures of instinct, born only to be caught and destroyed, and like animals they too will perish. II Peter 2

8In the very same way, on the strength of their dreams these ungodly people pollute their own bodies, reject authority and heap abuse on celestial beings. 9But even the archangel Michael, when he was disputing with the devil about the body of Moses, did not himself dare to condemn him for slander but said, “The Lord rebuke you!” 10Yet these people slander whatever they do not understand, and the very things they do understand by instinct—as irrational animals do—will destroy them. Jude

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78 Comments on “My Demon.”

  1. Glenda
    September 23, 2012 at 8:42 am #

    Wow, I think our demons are twins :/

    • peacefulwife
      September 23, 2012 at 2:56 pm #

      Glenda,

      It’s fascinating to me that the words are all the same – he uses the same strategy with all of us – and we buy it. Wow. Thanks to LeasonsofMercy for exposing the demons. I think when we see Satan’s work in the light – and see what he is doing to ALL of us – maybe we will be able to resist him because maybe now we will recognize him.

    • kaylagulick
      September 23, 2012 at 3:48 pm #

      When we are able to expose our demons in light of them attacking us, instead of us saying things like “all men are lazy, or inconsiderate, or selfish” then we start putting the blame in the right place. Too often we say “all men are the same” instead of “Satan uses the same lies on all women.”

      • peacefulwife
        September 23, 2012 at 3:59 pm #

        This is such an important concept. THANK YOU for your willingness and vulnerability to share. You are such a blessing to so many wives, Kayla!

        • kaylagulick
          September 23, 2012 at 4:21 pm #

          You’re welcome. I think far too often we’re afraid to share until we have conquered something and have a pretty testimony to tell… when really, we find help and help others best when we are willing to walk it out in the open!

          Thank you for helping me share with as many wives as I can reach!! I love your ministry!

          • peacefulwife
            September 23, 2012 at 4:42 pm #

            Kayla,

            Your insights are extremely fresh – and that makes them powerful. I’m SO thankful you are willing to share. You are going to help so many wives see that what they are struggling with is normal, and where the voice is coming from so they can stop giving it power over them. May God richly bless your walk with Christ and your marriage for His glory!

          • Mich
            March 13, 2014 at 7:13 pm #

            “…far too often we’re afraid to share until we have conquered something and have a pretty testimony to tell…”

            This. The second time I heard this today. I needed to hear it, praise God. I try too hard to ‘get through’ without sharing on the way. My tendancy for perfectionism (like sharing with the right Christians) sometimes stops me sharing at all; God is showing me to trust him with bring the ‘right’ people to me. After all, if he can talk through a donkey… Just realized that it’s taken a couple hours to post this short comment due to letting my demon distract me online and produce negative my thinking about my husband! Get thee behind me Satan, liar and accuser of the brethren. I am a child of the Most High God.

            • peacefulwife
              March 13, 2014 at 7:57 pm #

              Mich,
              I LOVE LOVE LOVE seeing women at every stage of this journey. And I can promise you that no human being on the planet is perfect!!! I sure am not!

              Here is a post about that!

              I love seeing what God does through all of us when we desire to trust Him and grow in Him and live for Him. We won’t be perfect until heaven. But – we can grow and learn and bring glory to God as we walk together on this journey. :)

              I am glad you are using scripture and God’s truth to confront the accuser. That is our only weapon – God’s Word! It is our sword.

      • learning1
        September 23, 2012 at 6:22 pm #

        Great point! Scary (and enlightening) how I hear the same things too! One thing that still trips me up is that sheer will-power isn’t enough. That demon hangs on! I wake up in the morning and he is waiting again! I am learning that it totally has to do with your heart-set and WANTING to leave this behind and follow Christ inwardly. Any other thoughts how not to succumb to these super emotion driving whispers?

        • kaylagulick
          September 23, 2012 at 6:40 pm #

          I think the biggest key is to call out the lie right away. And speak something truthful, out loud.

          This is not easy. But the more we expose lies and claim truth, the quicker the enemy has to flee.

          • peacefulwife
            September 23, 2012 at 8:20 pm #

            Kayla,

            I completely agree. For me – focusing on a list of my husband’s strengths and adding to that as I thought about it each day was extremely helpful. And I didn’t allow myself the luxury of wallowing in his “failures” anymore. I also began focusing on MY sin – that was humbling. When I saw myself more accurately – that helped me not be so judgmental – I had more sin than he did! And then when I saw God – and began to understand the vastness and power of His sovereignty – I held onto that and scripture and praises for God to fill my mind. Sometimes I would play praise music loudly and sing at the top of my voice. And I immediately confessed sin to God. I hope that helps, Learning1.
            I think it is also helpful to realize that a lot of what that horrible voice says are assumptions – NOT facts! Thinking and meditating on the Philippians 4:8 things about my husband was a good way to counteract the lies with truth.
            This DOES get easier. As you resist Satan – his voice gets softer and softer until – for me – I hardly even hear it anymore. That is where so much peace comes from! I hear God’s voice strongly now and barely hear Satan’s voice. And when I do hear that accuser’s voice – I know to ignore him. I actually kind of smile when I hear it now and think to myself – I am NOT going there again! I pray for all of you to find this supernatural peace of God and the joy that comes with it. :) I can’t keep this news to myself! Have to share it with all my sisters that I love!

      • learning1
        September 23, 2012 at 11:26 pm #

        Thank you, both of you! Very insightful and helpful!!

    • Marie
      December 13, 2013 at 12:50 pm #

      LOLYeah maybe triplets. I get sick of those accuseing voices in my head that make me want to fight with my husband that I tell them to PISS OFF. haha Never really thought of it as a demon before. Just my insecurities. I tell myself to knock it off for goodness sake. Then do something nice for myself. I seem to require an awful lot of attention. Perhaps unmet needs for nurtureing from childhood. Its pretty strong at times but thats when I bought myself a teddy bear. Itactually helps to hold one in bed. I have to have a seperate bedroom because my husband disrupts my sleep too much. It sucks and we tried a few times to sleep together again but were up till 3am, mostly me. He needs the TV most nights, I need silence. It doesnt work so We only sleep together on the weekends now.I find that demon doesnt bother me when Im rested. Yes he got us to sleep apart all week but maybe over time we will grow to miss eachother and learn to deal with shareing a bed again.For now, I sleep.

  2. Rockie
    September 23, 2012 at 8:53 am #

    Excellent post!

    The lights have been turned on in my mind. I now realize ALL the conversations I have had in the past and continue to have are with my demons.

    I can TOTALLY relate to hearing Satan so vividly when it comes to fears, frustrations, feelings of inadequacy…etc however when trying to hear the voice of the Lord its like “God? Are you there? Is that you? Do you hear my prayers?”

    How dare I be able to yield to the voice of the enemy and not hear my Fathers Voice? How dare I not repeat His word back to him since He is not a God that He shall lie, nor son of man that He should repent?

    The word says My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me. God’s voice is of love, patience, and kindness. It’s POSITIVE. A voice opposite of this is from the Father of Lies!

    “GET THEE BEHIND ME SATAN! YOU ARE DEFEATED, YOU ARE UNDER MY FEET, YOU ARE A LIAR AND EVERYTHING YOU SAY IS A LIE! I REBUKE YOU IN THE NAME OF JESUS CHRIST! The word says if we submit to God and resist Satan he must flee! I have submitted to God and I have resisted you and my God is not a liar so by His word you must Go!

    In Jesus Name!

    • peacefulwife
      September 23, 2012 at 2:55 pm #

      Rockie,

      This comment makes me cry tears of joy!!!!!! I am SO excited to hear the lights are coming on. That is why I love this post. I think it is how almost all women experience marriage – and it is so destructive! I can’t wait for us all to turn off Satan’s voice, the accuser’s voice – and hear God’s still small voice. THANK YOU for sharing!

    • kaylagulick
      September 23, 2012 at 3:51 pm #

      Amen! So amazing to see blinders coming off!!

  3. David J.
    September 23, 2012 at 1:48 pm #

    “The first thing I’m really understanding for the first time in my life is that I have thought for 11 years that I’m better than my husband. It comes out in a few different ways but mostly in the attitude that he sins more than me, and worse than me.”

    God bless you for that insight. From my own experience, I’m virtually certain that your husband has known you felt this way for quite a while, well before you were aware of it. And that knowledge has probably often defeated and demoralized him. When you can (if you haven’t already), find a way to let him know that you’ve come to this realization and let him know that you’re not looking at him that way anymore (or at least trying not to). He’ll be greatly relieved and encouraged. It will be a weight off his shoulders and the atmosphere in your home will change.

    I pray that many other wives will come to the same realization. When they do, their marriages will change. If they don’t, they and their husbands are going to continue to be miserable, and many of those wives are going to persuade themselves that divorce is their best alternative because surely God doesn’t want them to be so unhappy.

    • peacefulwife
      September 23, 2012 at 2:59 pm #

      David,

      Tell me – are husbands aware of the voice in their wives’ heads that say all these things continually? As a wife, I didn’t have any other experience before I learned about respect and submission and had nothing to compare it to. Do husbands have these kinds of voices, too? Or is this more unique to women?

      Thank you for your comments and wisdom!

    • kaylagulick
      September 23, 2012 at 3:53 pm #

      Thank you for the encouragement to release my husband from the trap I put him in with my pride. I appreciate the male perspective!

  4. freshvision
    September 23, 2012 at 11:46 pm #

    This post is amazing! Because I read this post, an unwanted situation was avoided this afternoon between me and my husband. I’m going to share because I am so thankful for the wives who share their progress with us and help us to all grow together in Christ.

    I share your views regarding the t.v. I also don’t care for loud sports games screaming into the house via the t.v. Today, my husband was wearing his headphones listening to the Sunday football game as he worked in the yard. I was happy to not have to hear it. He came inside and asked me if I would like to share a cold drink with him on the deck. I said SURE! I was happy that he wanted to take some time out to be with me.

    Well…….the headphones did not come off. He smiled at me across the picnic table and gave me the thumbs up every time there was a good play and frowned when his team messed up. If I had not read your post earlier, I would have listened to the demons in my head that were saying, “OMG! Is this man crazy?” “Does he really think I want to sit here and watch him listen to a stupid football game?” “How can he be so insensitive?” “The nerve of him to come ask me to share a cold drink with him and he doesn’t even have the decency to give me his undivided attention!”

    Thankfully, your post and your story was fresh in my mind. Because of your insight and willingness to share, I was able to kick the demons out and notice what else was going on. He kept his hand on mine on the picnic table the entire time. He verbalized the play by plays as though he thought I was interested and cared about his team. He was sharing something he loves and enjoys with me, his companion and friend.

    I decided to smile back and stay with him in spite of feeling as though I was just a spectator and realized that to him, we were sharing a “moment”. When the game ended, which was only about 20 minutes later, he took off his headphones and said, “Wanna take a walk?” We walked hand in hand enjoyed each other the rest of the afternoon.

    If I had not read your story, I feel sure that I would have responded to the “demons” and ruined a perfectly good day!

    Thank you, April for providing this wonderful place for wives to grow and share. Thank you kaylagulik for sharing today!

    • peacefulwife
      September 24, 2012 at 12:03 am #

      Learning1,
      Wow!

      I am so glad you shared this!!!!!!

      And you are exactly right, he was sharing a romantic moment with you, by HIS definition. A shoulder to shoulder thing. I am SO proud of you for realizing what was going on and enjoying him!

      You get the biggest A+ ever! I am bursting with pride in how God helped you handle this today. I am so glad you were able to recognize the demons and realize what your husband was actually trying to do and stay and enjoy it!!! He was bonding with you. And you let him.

      What an incredible story! I wonder if you will let me post it later this week?

      Many wives would benefit from this, and I don’t want any of them to miss this!

    • kaylagulick
      September 24, 2012 at 6:59 am #

      Thank you for sharing!!

      I am so glad that we can defeat Satan together by being willing to humble ourselves and expose temptations and sins when they present themselves!

      What a huge step in the right direction for your marriage! Keep it up, Satan will be back to make sure you’re committed to this…so be ready to call out the accuser!!

      God Bless, Kayla

    • Marie
      December 13, 2013 at 12:56 pm #

      freshvision…this is soo funny to me cause its so true what you said. “What does he think I enjoy sitting here with him listening to the game and haveing a drink with me without giving me his full attention” LOL The question is, why do we need to always be the center of his complete attention?? Are we that needy and insecure and craveing for undivided attention? Maybe we watch too manyromance movies or soap operas LOL

  5. freshvision
    September 24, 2012 at 12:17 am #

    Even though you addressed “Learning1″, I think you meant “freshvision”. And yes……please share! Thanks for the A+ . : ) You make me smile!

    • peacefulwife
      September 24, 2012 at 12:55 am #

      OOPS!

      Yes- I meant freshvision. Thanks!!!! :)

  6. greatwhitediaries
    September 24, 2012 at 12:33 am #

    It’s good to know I’m not the only one battling a demon. Mine works a little differently, but hurts my marriage just as much. Mine questions the motives behind my husbands compliments, turning “you look beautiful today” into there is something wrong with my appearance on other days. Then I don’t accept his compliments with grace. When my husband little things to show his love, my demon twists that into my husband thinks I can’t do that for myself. And my poor husband who is just trying to love me is turned into a bad guy. Questioning his love and his motives is just as disrespectful as belittling him.
    I’m just now learning that the demon’s voice is not godly, but is in fact from the father of lies who wants to destroy my marriage. And I’m working on listening to my husband who loves me and listening for the Holy Spirit.

    • peacefulwife
      September 24, 2012 at 12:55 am #

      Greatwhitediaries,

      This is awesome! I appreciate you sharing so much! I think many of us have experienced exactly this same thing or something similar with our demons, pride and sinful nature.

      I wonder if you might allow me to post this so that the other wives don’t miss it? This is REALLY important stuff!

      Thank you VERY much! I pray God might richly bless your walk with Christ and your marriage.

    • kaylagulick
      September 24, 2012 at 7:05 am #

      greatwhitediaries,

      Thank you for exposing some more points and tactics that Satan uses!

      You’re doing so well to see that the voice is NOT from God and is NOT truth!

      Stay strong! You can defeat your demon!

  7. Marie
    September 24, 2012 at 6:46 am #

    i was finally able to read this post and wow! so very right on point. (one quick thought: what is with guys and tv, anyway?!?!? but i’m sure the guys can respond with- what’s with ladies and the computer- facebook, pinterest, twitter, etc…) all kidding aside- i am just learning to take my demon dictated thoughts captive and whew! what a difference it has made. pride is a big issue for me too and self-righteousness. but the last few months, God has really laid a heavy hand on me and showed me this. what an encouragement to know we all have demons and we can still struggle with them no matter how long we’ve walked with Christ. and what an encouragement to know that with the help of the Holy Spirit, we can push that demon aside and tell it to shut it! that’s VICTORY! that’s FREEDOM!

    • kaylagulick
      September 24, 2012 at 7:08 am #

      Marie,

      The biggest reason the demon’s voices are successful is because we don’t recognize they are voices of demons. Once we see it for what it is, we recognize it quickly, can claim it as a lie or accusation, and can tap into the power of the Holy Spirit to silence it!

      Thank you so much for sharing your journey to VICTORY!
      God Bless, Kayla

  8. kaylagulick
    September 24, 2012 at 6:55 am #

    Thank you John! I have really appreciate the male comments toward support, understanding, and forgiveness instead of condemnation for my sins.
    Blessings, Kayla

  9. Emily C
    September 24, 2012 at 7:27 am #

    What a powerful word! Thank you so much for sharing this. Just realizing he’s not called “voice of the accuser” for no reason. My husband and I actually had a lot of conversations about this recently, but it’s more focused on me and the lies in my head. It helps me to reframe that by seeing that those lies in my head are at least partially from “my demon”. This makes so much sense!

    “For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.” Ephesians 6:12

    Thank you for such truth!

    • kaylagulick
      September 24, 2012 at 8:05 am #

      Emily,
      PRAISE GOD for helping you see they are just accusations and NOT truths! I am blessed to see women coming together and exposing the darkness to bring victory in all our marriages! Thank you!

  10. Mr. E
    September 26, 2012 at 8:52 am #

    Reblogged this on The Bad Husband.

  11. diana
    September 28, 2012 at 9:37 am #

    WOW. This may just be one of THE most important blog posts that I’ve read. Really. I battle the SAME thing, for just about 18 years too. As my dear husband sleeps in right now after working very hard to build me a laundry room and install brand new, front load, expensive washer and dryer; I think evil of him. But, then I do something nice for him, like make breakfast, and end up being angry that he isn’t more appreciative of my niceness! Retched sinner that I am! Thank God for Jesus and His Holy Spirit who brings conviction and the ability to change.

    • kaylagulick
      September 28, 2012 at 11:17 am #

      Diana,

      Sadly, Satan gets to all of us.

      But what victory to recognize and put words to areas where he has deceived you and pulled you from your calling as a godly wife.

      Thank you for being honest and sharing your heart! Great help to all us women working on this together!
      Kayla

  12. Angelique
    September 29, 2012 at 3:19 pm #

    Wow…Thank you for this post. I am in tears right now! It breaks my heart that I will quickly tune my ear to the enemy and have a harder time hearing the sweet voice of my Father. This has been my life for the past 7 years. I am learning by God’s grace to be a respectful, submissive wife with a quiet and gentle spirit….but sadly I have never done well in the face of my demon!!

    Its amazing when I think about all the conversations I have add with my demon and how well he knows me. I can take any situation and because of those little lurking evil, questioning thoughts he puts in my head, I can accuse my husband of the worst things. And then before I know it, my peace is gone!!

    What a great wake up call this was. God has given us His Word, which is sharper than any two edge sword, to defeat our demons. The battle is on, and Im going to win!!

    Thank you again Kayla and April for an amazing post!

    • peacefulwife
      September 29, 2012 at 3:24 pm #

      Angelique,

      This post is such a lightbulb moment for so many women and men. Oce the enemy’s plan is out in the light, now we can recognize it and confront it!

      You’ve got to read my husband’s follow up post The Voice in His Head. Keep the tissues handy!!

      I am so glad Kayla let me post her article,

    • kaylagulick
      September 29, 2012 at 3:48 pm #

      Angelique,

      It never ceases to amaze me how the we all struggle int he same ways, and never even realize it because we haven’t figured out how to call it out.

      I’m so glad you’re seeing this for what it is, and the benefits you’ll see in your marriage!

      God Bless,
      Kayla

  13. Alison Joy
    February 25, 2013 at 7:07 pm #

    April/Kayla

    Today I happened upon this blog and read through some of the different posts. Thank you April for standing for and speaking out about the biblical model of how a wife should seek to be in a world that battles against and denies these truths. I have been blessed by your insights.

    I was really struck with the revelation Kayla received of suddenly realizing that she had believed for so long that her husband was a worse sinner than herself. Perhaps as women we can categorize sin and sometimes see ourselves in a clearer (or ‘purer’) light ignoring our own sin because we do not struggle with that particular dreadful weakness that our husband has that seems a whole lot worse in our eyes.

    I was reminded recently that it was just one sin in the garden of Eden which separated Adam and Eve from the presence of God and brought death. And that one sin brought in the need for Jesus’ sacrifice.

    Thank you for helping me to see afresh that we have all fallen short of the glory of God and only by the blood of Jesus are those sins blotted out and forgiven..and also that the blood of Jesus has defeated the lies of the enemy.. Hallelujah.

    Alison

    • peacefulwife
      February 25, 2013 at 7:22 pm #

      GREAT POINT, Allison Joy!

      I love that – it was one sin that brought death and condemnation. And eating a piece of fruit is something most of us would probably not categorize as “evil.” But to God – it was – because it symbolized rebellion.

      Thank you for sharing!

      Much love to you!

    • Kayla Gulick
      February 25, 2013 at 7:27 pm #

      Thanks for sharing Alison!!

      It’s amazing how quickly we can look down on someone, specifically our husbands because we see most o their sins and weaknesses first hand, but even other people in our lives when they struggle with something we don’t. When we zoom in on that, we tend to miss EVERYTHING we are doing to sin.
      What’s been shocking to me in all this is that my husband doesn’t and has never viewed me as I view him….. men don’t tend to struggle in the same way women do. They beat themselves up as much as we beat them up!

      That really opened my eyes!!

  14. Crystal
    July 10, 2013 at 5:06 pm #

    I am learning how wonderfully God works. He has been working with me on how to be the mother and wife He calls me to be. I happened to google how to submit to my husband and found this site. When i read the title “my demon” i knew it was for me.. I to have struggled with this problem now for going on 12 years. My demon not only does this with my husband but also my mother in law (another area He is working on). I am thankful for this blog because all to often i give in and attack my husband with my words. I did not know who to talk to. I struggle with talking to anyone for fear of becoming the subject in a gossiping session. Thank you for your honesty and willingness to share something so many of us try to hide.

    • peacefulwife
      July 10, 2013 at 9:22 pm #

      Crystal,

      Isn’t this post SPOT ON!?!?! I am so thankful to God for Kayla’s willingness to write and share this.

      The next post I would suggest is one my husband wrote a few days later in response to this one. “The Voice in His Head.”

      I can’t wait to see what God has in store for you!

  15. geogypsy68
    January 6, 2014 at 3:44 pm #

    Demons have been studying humans thousands of years. , they know us better than we know ourselves . That was a brilliant article , thank you so much for sharing . The LORD truly Blessed me thru the reading of this. ;)

  16. Danielle
    January 17, 2014 at 1:24 am #

    Awesome post – Ty I needed to read this so that I can make a much needed CONSISTENT effort to take my thoughts captive.

  17. Paida
    March 20, 2014 at 6:26 am #

    Wow! I have read so many articles on this blog but avoided to read this one because of its title! I thought, why would anyone claim a demon, hence calling it “my demon” :D

    Oh boy, was i missing out! I can relate to having this voice in my head, constantly telling me negative things about my husband. Like, last Sunday we had supper at my in-laws. On our way home I remarked to my husband about his driving. I said something like “whats the rush? when i am late for work you don’t drive as fast but now when its unnecessary, you drive fast”. (so disrespectful, i know. i wish i hadn’t said that) My husband said he was tired and wanted to sleep. We got home and i put the baby to sleep. Whilst i was untying the mosquito net, “my demon” started talking to me saying things like “if he was so tired how come he is not coming to the bedroom to sleep. He is just moody because of the remark about his driving. He knows you have a huge pile of ironing to do and work tomorrow yet he does not even help putting the baby to sleep. He cares about himself only. Selfish man”

    Well, I went to the lounge and found my husband on the sofa. i told myself i would not talk to him but ignore him. He asked if he could put on a series on TV that we watch together. i told him that he could go and sleep because the baby was now asleep, i just wanted to iron. he said that he wanted to wait for me and watch the series with me whilst i was ironing. I wondered why he was being so ‘nice’ when i expected him to be moody/angry. he was very sleepy, i could tell but he stayed with me until he started to doze off then i decided to stop the ironing because he said he didn’t want to go to bed without me….

    I was so ashamed of myself and all those things my demon had said! i pray that i will learn to silence the accuser each and every time in Jesus’ Name. i now know better, thanx to you Kayla and Peacefulwife! :)

    • peacefulwife
      March 20, 2014 at 8:33 am #

      Paida,

      Thank you so much for sharing!

      Yes, we all wrestle with that awful accusing voice. It’s scary to think that we are cooperating with the enemy to destroy our husband by doing that – when we could be resisting him and cooperating with God to bless our husbands.

      I’m so thankful for God inspiring Kayla to write this post. It is EXTREMELY eye opening, isn’t it???

      I pray God will empower you to take those evil thoughts captive and replace them with the truth and love of God’s Word!

      Much love,
      April

      Check out “Replacing the Tapes in My Head”

  18. flyaway16
    March 22, 2014 at 6:02 am #

    that’s true but sometimes we need someone to confirm it to take it seriously . Can you tell me how do we distinguish between our thoughts and that of demon?

    • peacefulwife
      March 22, 2014 at 6:16 am #

      flyaway16,

      I’m not sure that it matters a whole lot if it is our sinful nature or temptation from the enemy – if the thoughts are against Scripture or are sinful – we must resist them, take them captive and replace them with godly, God-pleasing, holy thoughts.

      We are to crucify our sinful nature. And we are to resist the devil and submit to God.

      So, we all have to monitor our thoughts and motives. For me, sometimes I have to write down the things I am telling myself. Every single thing. And then purposely and consciously replace negative, bitter, unforgiving, resentful, complaining, envious, prideful, self-righteous, idolatrous thoughts with God’s truth and His Word.

      I hope that helps!

  19. jackieh
    October 5, 2014 at 5:32 pm #

    wow! Awesome article. I feel so sad. am crying as I type this. …why can’t I seem to do what I need to do? my husband just came home after a weekend at work, over the weekend we talked and exchanged awesome conversations but he gets home a few hours later than I expected and I just lost. Well, it’s not the first time I have gone off whinning how he doesn’t like to spend time with me, after he has mentioned he will be working tomorrow (Monday) as well, I thought he would want to spend time with me as am off duty and he has been away. geez! why can’t I seem to have a quiet and gentle spirit? am so disappointed with myself. poor man even asked me how long he has been in the house and am already on his case. …..It had been barely 20 minutes!
    I have said hurtful things to him, at some point I felt like I had an out of body experience coz at some point I wondered what I was yapping about and I felt like I was watching me talk , telling myself to keep quiet but I didn’t! :(

    when will I ever learn. We have been married 6years and April sometimes your posts make me wonder if you are writing about me.

    Other stuff may have contributed to how our relationship is currently but I want to leave them at the cross, but I seem to be going for them from the cross every now and then. I have managed to overcome a few times and the feeling is awesome, maybe I think I can do this by my own strength? ??? I feel so lost, we are sleeping sad tonight and it’s my fault, I just want to hold him but he may just think am weird. I have apologised to him but I think my apologies are getting old.
    :(

    • jackieh
      October 5, 2014 at 5:38 pm #

      …and because of my behaviour, I think my husband has lost all patience with me, it feels awful. …

    • Peacefulwife
      October 5, 2014 at 10:26 pm #

      Jackieh,

      He may allow you to hold him. It is possible. Goodness, how my heart breaks for your pain and his pain, too.

      How is your walk with Christ going, my precious girl?

      Much love!
      April

      • jackieh
        October 6, 2014 at 2:05 am #

        I have been saved for 13 years now and just recently rededicated my life to Christ. He has not been number one in my life and just realised a few months ago that I had made my hubby like my idol without realising. …I want to break from that, sometimes I feel like God is disappointed in me cz I keep messing up.
        Last night I asked God to forgive me, for speaking without sieving my words with His word, cz I know He addeth no sorrow. ….. He gave me His peace and I was able to hold my husband, (he was asleep) and I got some peaceful sleep :)
        I realised, God forgives me so many times, I have experienced His grace numerous times, the least I could do is to extend it to others, easier said than done….. I don’t know how to be truly spirit filled. …

        • Peacefulwife
          October 6, 2014 at 8:48 am #

          Jackieh,

          I am so thrilled to hear about your walk with Christ and that you want to get rid of any sin and all the idols in your heart! WOOHOO!

          A good place to start may be last Thursday’s post about “What Is an Ungodly Woman” and then today’s post about “Godly Femininity.

          The posts at the top of my home page are helpful about disrespect and respect as well as biblical submission.

          And you may want to search my home page for:

          – idol
          – idolatry
          – discontentment
          – insecurity
          – security
          – contentment
          – stages of this journey

          Much love to you! I can’t wait to see all that God has in store!

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