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Are You Just, Um, Well…..Better Than Him?

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ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE:

I am ALMOST caught up with my email load from last week’s big technological mess. Thanks for your patience!

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Today’s post is from my dear friend and sister in Christ, Kayla, at www.lessonsofmercy.wordpress.com. THIS IS A MUST READ, LADIES!

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I’ve seen quite a few bloggers take on the call to write a post about “respecting your husband.” And a great number of people are pinning those blogs to Pinterest and sharing them all over Facebook.

That’s a pretty big deal, really. Because most women, yes even Christian women, don’t truly respect their husbands. And they don’t realize that Scripture calls us to unconditional respect. (Ephesians 5:22-33, Titus 2:3-6, I Corinthians 11:3)

Stop.

Yes, I said “UNCONDITIONAL RESPECT”.

That is not like the world’s idea that respect HAS to be earned and we have authority to withhold it from our husbands until they live up to our standards.

Just imagine if a husband withheld love, until his wife had reached “perfection,” according to HIS standards.

Much as we’d like throw the hammer down on this, we try to live a double standard… and most of us don’t even realize it.

One of the items that almost always make it on a truly good list about how to respect your husband is this:

  • You can’t try to be your husband’s Holy Spirit.

A lot of women read that, and either minimize it out of ignorance, or breeze past it all together.

Let’s talk today about how we can recognize if we try to be the Holy Spirit in our husbands’ lives.

I’m positive this list won’t be exhaustive, but it’ll be a good place for us to start.

One last thing before we get going. The Holy Spirit is the third entity of God Almighty. The Holy Spirit is given to believers at conversion for two purposes.

  • to convict the believer of sins in his/her life that need repentance so he/she can continue on a path of becoming like Christ.
  • to empower the believer to do things they can’t do in their own human strength. This is seen in spiritual gifts, scriptural understanding, fruits of the spirit, and communication with God.

So, how do women try to be the Holy Spirit in a marriage?

Let’s look at the first responsibility of the Holy Spirit first and how we women try to fill this role:

1.) We see our husbands’ sins vividly.

  • He’s lazy
  • He watches too much television
  • He doesn’t play with the kids like he should
  • He is selfish
  • He doesn’t love others like he should
  • He doesn’t read his Bible
  • He uses swear words
  • He drink too much beer
  • He talks out of both sides of his mouth
  • He gossips
  • He holds grudges
  • He doesn’t love me like he’s suppose to
  • He doesn’t make godly choices
  • He doesn’t pray with me
  • He doesn’t do devotions with the family, and on and on and on……

Women who spend a lot of time meditating on these things their husband does wrong, often have a hard time seeing their own sins. And the sins they do see, they usually think aren’t nearly “as bad” as their husband’s sins.

Pride swells and swells until all the sudden, they’ve convinced themselves secretly (although every husband with a wife like this sees it clear as day and knows it is really no secret at all) that they are actually just more spiritual than their husband. Truth be told ladies, when we feel this way, we’re so engulfed in sin that the rift is usually more heavily handed on our end than could ever be on our husband’s end.

2.) We start to point out things “he should be convicted of” in his life.

  • This habit often starts with one line phrases. “Maybe you should ….xyz….” While this feels a bit disrespectful to a husband, the habit almost always evolves to something so much worse.
  • We women start using a parental “Mama” tone of voice with belittling phrasing.
  • We take on the role of disciplining our husbands for their sins by using a scolding tone of voice, nagging remarks, and disapproving facial expressions.
  • Loud sighs, rolled eyes, sarcastic digs, and rude speeches are often present when we are trying to be the Holy Spirit.

3.) We turn our husband into a child.

Instead of seeing ourselves as a team with our husbands to work together to grow in Christ, we eventually look down on our husbands long enough for their sins and their “too slow at repentance” behavior and start seeing them as children or chore instead of a best friend and lover.

And worst of all, we have found this so humorous. How many comedians, websites, Facebook statuses, and Pinterest pins are being shared and quoted with remarks like

  • “I don’t have three children, I am married to the fourth.”
  • “Men are babies who stop having a mom and get a wife instead.”
  • “I thought I was done raising children but apparently my husband will never grow up.”

I’m not suggesting that their isn’t humor in marriage. There definitely is stuff worth laughing over!!!! But, remember, things are only funny to us when there is a little truth behind them. And it’s really not that funny if we’ve become so judgmental of our husbands that we see them as a child instead of as the leader, provider, protector, and lover that they really are to us.

Now let’s look at the second responsibility of the Holy Spirit’s role and how we women try to take that on:

1.) We encourage our husband to worship like we think  he should (usually how we do ourselves or how we see another “godly man” do it.)

  • We get vocal about how he should read his Bible, at what time of the day, that he should journal about what he reads, that he should discuss it with us and/or the kids.
  • We demand that he pray and do devotions in our site so we can prove he’s doing it, and often times that means it has to be WITH us.
  • We judge that he does or doesn’t raise his hands during worship.
  • We judge if he does or doesn’t go to the altar.
  • We judge if he isn’t moved to tears by spiritually emotional situation.

2.) We question EVERY decision, especially if he makes a decision that isn’t a decision we would make.

This continues on that path of belief that we are more spiritual than he is and we think we’re closer to God. Somehow we feel like we are on a more inside track and we make wiser choices than he does.

We find ways to have conversations that revolve around these types of questions:

  • Why did you do that?
  • What were you thinking?
  • How come you didn’t do it like this?
  • Don’t you think that if you’d have done it like this (or would do it like this) that it’d be a better choice?
  • Do you see why I wouldn’t have done it like that?

All five of these descriptions for how women try to play the Holy Spirit in our husbands’ lives is received as nothing more than TOTAL disrespect to them. When we talk to our husbands in disrespectful ways -it reveals sins in our own lives as well as actually hinders the Holy Spirit from truly working.

When we think that our husband is farther from God than we are, sins worse than we do, isn’t wise enough to make decisions, is a child that needs our supervision and correction ….we are a beaming example of PRIDE and we’re in direct disobedience of Scriptures command to us as wives to show unconditional respect.

I believe there are a mountain of other ways we show disrespect to our husbands beyond just playing Holy Spirit, but this should be enough food for thought for one post.

And before all the hateful comments come — I’m not talking to men today and what they should do to be godly husbands. Yes, they have responsibilities and commands in Scripture too. I’m focusing on women. And helping us uncover our own sinful hearts so we can work on being the wives God calls us to be, instead of just worrying about what our husband is or isn’t doing.

Sometimes that plank in our eye is just so much bigger than the speck in his.

Practical Application:

Recognize, confess and repent of any areas where we play the Holy Spirit in our husbands’ lives.

Break these habits. I wish this came easy. It doesn’t. It takes work. Hard work. However, the more you focus on ridding your life of your sins, and INTENTIONALLY focus on all the WONDERFUL things about your husband…. the less the temptation exists to be a statistic in the above five scenarios.

God created an amazing design for marriage and if our marriage is falling apart, it’s because we’re too far from God’s plan. Lets have marriages that make the world take notice. THAT is how we share Christ effectively.

FROM PEACEFULWIFE:

I committed this sin against God – attempting to be the Holy Spirit to my husband. 🙁  This is SERIOUS, SERIOUS sin. It is the sin of Satan – imagining that I am equal to God – or, that I am above God, even. It is immeasurable pride and arrogance.  It is idolatry of self for me to equate myself with a member of the Trinity as if I can and should have the power to do His job.

How I pray we will take this very seriously and repent and understand who God is and who we are in a proper and correct way.  He is HIGH, MIGHTY and lifted up. He is powerful. He is God.  We are small, tiny, impotent, weak and made of dust.  I pray we will fall on our faces before Him in reverence, awe and trembling and have a healthy fear for God in our hearts.

I put a post from www.bible.org in the comments about The Doctrine of the Holy Spirit.

When our husbands are far from God – or we believe they are far from God – God’s commands to us are found in I Peter 3:1-6.  We are to witness by our respectful attitude WITHOUT WORDS about spiritual things, the Bible, God, church, etc.  Why?  Because the more we talk about these things, the less our husbands hear God.  Our husbands will respond to God’s voice, not to ours, about spiritual things if they are far from Him.

RELATED:

But I’m Right! I’m the Better Leader. I Should Be in Charge

Our Words Can Cause Catastrophic Damage

Can His Heart Safely Trust Me?

We Can Put Our Husbands in a Lose/Lose Situation

How Can I Inspire My Husband’s Leadership?

Praying for My Husband So That God Will Hear

DAVID PLATT – has a 4 part series on the Holy Spirit on Youtube as part of his Secret Church sessions.  Please check it out!  http://youtu.be/w7RhaKn1LP4

John Piper  – www.desiringgod.org  – search “Holy Spirit”

40 thoughts on “Are You Just, Um, Well…..Better Than Him?

  1. Hi Kayla!!! You look lovely in your pic and your cross necklace speaks so much of your love for Christ. 🙂

    Thanks for the article. It was a beautiful reminder on how beautiful God’s Design for Marriage is if we only follow His Commandment for us wives to respect our husbands. And yes, for all their comedic purposes, the “husbands as babies or the eldest child/youngest child” jokes are more sad and pathetic than they are funny, especially when it’s happening to one’s marriage or somebody you know.

    God bless you. 🙂

    Nikka

    1. Thank you for the encouragement Nikka. What I love about my blog and April’s blog more than anything, is this sense of community where we can come to each other in true fellowship, encourage and support one another, and grow together in Christ long distance with Christians everywhere! It’s really so amazing!!! ~ Kayla

      1. My sentiments too! 🙂 We’re all daughters of Eve, that’s why we all understand each other when we talk about our fallen nature and our (former) controlling selves… and we are also now all sisters in Christ who encourage each other in this respect and submission journey (to Christ first, then to our husbands).

        We all belong to Christ’s One Church regardless of denomination (whether Catholic or Baptist or Evangelical or whatever Christian group) and seek unity over division. With all eyes directed towards our Creator, and our desire to please Jesus our Savior, may we all further strengthen each other’s faith as the Spirit continues to fill us with all that is good, as we continue to die to ourselves every day.

        God bless you and warm hugs from the Philippines! 🙂

        Nikka

        1. Nikka and Kayla,

          The oneness, unity across denominations, support, encouragement, love and respectful spirit here are some of my favorite things about our blogs, too! How AMAZING! That we can have unity, fellowship, prayer partners, friendships and encouragement from around the world without leaving our living rooms. God is so very good!

          There are many wives who have no godly examples and no one to teach them these things – I am so thankful for the opportunity to be able to seek to speak God’s truth to a world who so desperately needs it – even in the church. These topics we talk about here… these are the things I missed in church and growing up as a believer in Christ – the most important things of all!

          How I long for God to continue to raise up more and more women who can shine for Him and demonstrate what it means to be a godly woman and a godly wife and mother to those who are coming behind us – let all who come behind us find us faithful by God’s power working in us!

          I am SO excited about what God is doing in each of you and in HUNDREDS of other women we have met here. I could just burst with joy!

          Thank you both for laboring beside me – this labor of love – to share the treasure of heaven with our precious sisters and women around the world.

          Much love!
          April

          1. “How many comedians, websites, Facebook statuses, and Pinterest pins are being shared and quoted with remarks like….”

            I’m always amazed at the number of women who think they’re clever when they leave/use mean-spirited comments about the “stupidity” of men on Facebook, Pinterest, Skype, etc., not even realizing the irony that those sites/services, and even the whole of the Internet itself, were all made, upgraded, and maintained by men.

            “The oneness, unity across denominations, support, encouragement, love and respectful spirit here are some of my favorite things about our blogs, too! How AMAZING! That we can have unity, fellowship, prayer partners, friendships and encouragement from around the world without leaving our living rooms. God is so very good!”

            This is one of my favorite things about the internet as well.

          2. We are all in this together, April! God’s Work has only just begun! If only a handful of people were used by the enemy to destroy godly femininity. Together, with the Spirit’s Leading, let us bring it back and promote it first and foremost in our own homes, among our family members, our churches, and communities, and also via the internet and other media, so that God’s Great Design for Marriage be spread all throughout the globe. To God be all The Glory! We are all worthless servants. Amen.

  2. Thank you for your ministry peaceful wife. Your messages are such a blessing to me everyday… And with the help of the Holy Spirit I am becoming more and more the help meet god intended me to be. May you continue to be protected led fulfilled and nourished by our living god.

  3. Thank you for this post. “Playing Holy Spirit” is something I’m sure we’ve all done many times and it’s helpful to examine that dynamic more closely and allow the Holy Spirit to convict us of our sin in this area. And then step back, get out of His way, and let Him do His work in our husbands’ lives.

    I’d like to ask a clarifying question. It’s stated that “the Holy Spirit is given to believers at conversion for two purposes” (conviction and empowerment). The Holy Spirit is not “given” to nonbelievers in the same way. How, then, does He work in their hearts & lives? Or does He? I guess I have been assuming that He does, but perhaps I’m mistaken? This is something that just occurred to me as I was reading the post and I will look into it further to make sure I understand. Any thoughts and Scriptures that would be helpful to me?

    Thank you!

    1. Cat,

      The Holy Spirit does “contend” with Non-believers and it is He who draws them to God and opens their eyes. We can’t even open our eyes to Christ or accept Him unless He opens our eyes and gives us faith. We can do NOTHING to bring ourselves to Him.

    2. From Bible.org – the Doctrine of the Holy Spirit:
      I. The “personhood” of the Holy Spirit.

      The Holy Spirit is a personal being just as the Father and the Son. The Spirit is not an impersonal “it” or simply an influence.

      A. The Spirit has personal characteristics.

      1. He has intelligence (1 Cor. 2:10-11).

      2. He has emotions (Eph. 4:30 – “Do not grieve the Holy Spirit”).

      3. He has will (1 Cor. 2:11).

      B. The Spirit acts in personal ways.

      1. He teaches us (John 14:26).

      2. He commands (Acts 8:29).

      3. He intercedes for us in prayer (Rom. 8:26).

      C. The Spirit is described in personal terms grammatically. The Greek word for Spirit (pneuma) is neuter in gender, yet the Bible uses masculine pronouns (“He,” “Him”) to refer to the Spirit (John 16:13-14; 15:26; 16:7-8. To be grammatically correct, personal neuter pronouns (“it”) would be expected.

      II. The deity of the Holy Spirit

      A. He has the names and titles of deity.

      1. Yahweh – What the Lord (Yahweh) said in Is. 6:8-13 is ascribed to the Holy Spirit in Acts 28:25.

      2. Spirit of God (Rom. 8:9, 14; 1 Cor. 2:11; 12:3; Eph. 4:30)

      B. He possesses incommunicable attributes.

      1. Self-existence (Rom. 8:2)

      2. Omnipresence (Ps. 139:7 ff)

      C. He performs incommunicable works (no one but God can do them).

      1. Creation (Gen. 1:2)

      2. Resurrection (Rom. 8:11)

      D. He is equated with deity.

      1. Acts 5:3, 4 – a lie to Spirit equals lie to God

      2. 2 Cor. 3:17, 18 – “The Lord is the Spirit”

      III. The Holy Spirit’s role prior to the Church Age

      A. He took part in creation (Gen. 1:2; Job 33:4; Psalm 104:30).

      B. He guided and protected Israel (Isaiah 63:10-14).

      C. He spoke through prophets to produce Scripture (1 Peter 1:11: 2 Peter 1:20, 21).

      D. He selectively and conditionally indwelt certain people in the Old Testament (Joseph – Gen. 41:38; Joshua – Num. 27:18; Saul – 1 Sam. 10:9,10; David – 1 Sam. 16:13 etc.). The Spirit’s indwelling was specifically related to enabling someone to do a particular task. The Holy Spirit could cease to indwell a person because of their disobedience. The Spirit left Saul (1 Sam. 16:14). When David sinned he pled that the Spirit not be taken from him (Psalm 51:11).

      E. He was the empowering Agent in Christ’s earthly life.

      1. He was the Agent of Christ’s virgin birth (Luke 1:35).

      2. He empowered Christ’s ministry (Matt. 12:28; Luke 4:1,18).

      3. He was the Agent of Christ’s resurrection (Rom. 1:4; 8:11).

      IV. The Holy Spirit’s role in the Church Age

      A. He is central in salvation (How people are saved).

      1. He directs and enables evangelistic efforts (Philip/Ethiopian – Acts 8:26,29; Great Commission – Acts 1:8).

      2. He convicts the unbeliever of sin (John 16:8-11).

      3. He regenerates (saves) the person.

      a. He cleanses the person from sin and gives them the new nature (Titus 3:5).

      b. As He performs this spiritual “new birth,” the person enters “the kingdom of God” (=eternal life – John 3:3-7, 16).

      4. He seals (eternally secures) the person. The presence of the Holy Spirit is the “seal” or guarantee that a person is saved and will remain saved (Eph. 1:13).

      5. He baptizes (places) the person into the body of Christ.

      a. What is the baptism of the Holy Spirit?

      – It is the Spirit’s work of uniting us with Christ – spiritually identifying us with Christ’s death, burial and resurrection (Rom. 6:3-5).

      – It is the Spirit’s work of incorporating us into the universal church (=the “body of Christ” – all church age believers – 1 Cor. 12:13).

      b. When is the baptism of the Spirit?

      – In each believer it occurs once and for all at their conversion (1 Cor. 12:13; Gal. 3:26-28).

      – In history it is limited to church age believers (predicted – Acts 1:5; accomplished – 1 Cor. 12:13).

      – Note: Exceptions – On the Day of Pentecost when the church age began, both new and existing believers were baptized by the Spirit (Acts 1:5; 11:15,16). Also in 2 other cases in the early church it seems the Spirit was not given to believers until an apostle was present (Acts 8:14-17; 19:1-6).

      B. He is central in sanctification (How saved people grow).

      1. He indwells believers.

      a. The Spirit indwells all believers in this age (Rom. 5:5; 8:9; 1 Cor. 3:16; 6:19). (unlike the Old Testament where the Spirit indwelt some)

      b. The Spirit indwells believers permanently in this age (John 14:16). (unlike the Old Testament where the Spirit could depart)

      c. The Spirit’s indwelling is the basis for His other ministries in believer’s lives. (He teaches/illumines us about scripture – John 16:13; He aids in prayer – Rom. 8:26; He assures us of our salvation – Rom.8:16; He enables us to grow – see “filling” below – Eph. 5:18).

      2. He “fills” believers.

      – The “filling of the Spirit” describes the crucial work of God enabling the believer to live a transformed life. The only way we grow spiritually is by the empowering work of God (1 Peter 1:3). It is specifically the ministry of the Holy Spirit that gives a Christian the capability of change and growth in righteousness (by the Spirit…” – putting to death the deeds of the body” – Rom. 8:13; the fruit of the Spirit…” – Gal. 5:22, 23).

      – Spiritual growth us a issue of control. We are either controlled by our self-centered flesh or by the Holy Spirit who indwells us (Rom. 8:4-11; Gal. 5:16, 17). Ephesians 5:18 describes this controlling/empowering ministry of Spirit as the “filling” of the Spirit. “Filling” is a metaphor (picture) of control. We can be filled/controlled by fleshly desires (like alcohol) or be filled/controlled by the Spirit (Eph. 5:18).

      – Although it’s the Spirit’s power that is at work, the believer must choose to be controlled/empowered by the Spirit. It is a command to “Be filled” and likewise to “Walk in the Spirit” (Gal. 5:16). The Spirit’s presence is permanent (indwelling) but we must repeatedly choose to yield to God to experience the Spirit’s transforming power to change and grow us (filling). In actual experience, “walking in the Spirit” or “being filled with the Spirit” means living the Christian life (facing temptations, making decisions, etc.) with a conscious dependence on the Holy Spirit. He is the one who enable us – producing godly “fruits” (Gal. 5:22, 23).

      3. He gives spiritual gifts to believers.

      a. Where do I find out about spiritual gifts? Four key passages describe spiritual gifts: Romans 12:3-8; 1 Corinthians 12; Ephesians 4:7-16; 1 Peter 4:10,11.

      b. What are spiritual gifts?

      1) Definition: Spiritual gifts are God-given abilities to serve. The Greek word for spiritual gift (charisma) is a form of the word “grace.” So these special abilities are privileges. God graciously enables all believers to serve in spiritual ministry.

      2) Spiritual gifts are not particular positions. Youth ministry leader or nursery worker are not gifts although those ministries definitely can put to use spiritual gifts such as teaching, serving, etc.

      3) Spiritual gifts are not the same as natural talent (music ability or mechanical aptitude, etc.) although God may often give spiritual gifts that make use of natural abilities. A musician may have the gift of encouragement. An experienced school teacher may have the gift of teaching, etc.

      c. How do we get spiritual gifts?

      1) The Giver – The Holy Spirit in particular imparts these special abilities (1 Cor. 12:7-11). But it is also accurate to say that they are “Christ’s gifts” to the church (Eph. 4:7, 8, 10).

      2) The Time – We receive spiritual gifts when we trust Christ as Savior. That’s when we received the Spirit; that’s when we became part of the body of Christ.

      3) The Recipients – Each believer has at least one but perhaps several gifts.

      d. What is the purpose of spiritual gifts?

      1) Spiritual gifts accomplish spiritual ministry that God desires.

      2) Spiritual gifts equip others to minister (Eph. 4:12).

      3) Spiritual gifts glorify God (1 Pet. 4:11).

      e. What are the different spiritual gifts?

      1) Some of the gifts listed seem to have been temporary, serving to establish the early church and to verify the gospel to people as Christianity began (Eph. 2:20; Heb. 2:3, 4 – See supplement “The Charismatic Question” for more detail.). The temporary sign gifts included apostleship, healing, miracle-working, tongues, interpretation of tongues, etc. Also temporary were the word of wisdom, word of knowledge, and prophecy – by which God gave direct revelation to man. These gifts were needed before the New Testament was complete. They were also seemingly the gifts needed to write the New Testament.

      2) Gifts that doubtless exist today include teaching, helps (serving), giving, administration (leadership), showing mercy, evangelism, pastor-teacher (shepherding) and exhortation. These gifts are crucial to the ongoing function of the church throughout this age.

      f. How do we discover and use our spiritual gift(s)?

      1) We should concentrate on meeting needs, not pin-pointing our gifts. Ministry experience may expose unused gifts.

      2) We should allow the advice of other mature Christians to guide us into areas of service for which we are suited and away from areas for which we are not.

      3) We should not use spiritual gifts as an excuse to avoid certain ministries. Christians are universally told to do some types of ministry (Show mercy – James 2:13; 3:17; Evangelize – Acts 1:8; Exhort one another – Heb. 3:13; 10:25; Give – 2 Cor. 8:7) which are also the specific spiritual gifts of some Christians (Mercy – Rom. 12:8; Evangelist – Eph. 4:11; Exhortation – Rom. 12:8; Giving – Rom. 12:8).

      4) We must realize that spiritual gifts do not benefit others automatically.

      – We must obediently put our gift(s) to use. No one benefits if we don’t use them (Rom. 12:6-8; 1 Pet. 4:10,11).

      – We must be diligent to become effective in using our gift (1 Tim. 4:14; 2 Tim. 1:6, 7).

      – We must use our gifts with proper attitudes (Rom. 12:8; 1 Pet. 4:11) and at appropriate times and places (1 Cor. 14:9-12, 22, 23, 40). Otherwise they can be worthless or even harmful to God’s purposes.

      V. The Holy Spirit’s role in the End Times

      A. In the 7-year Tribulation Period

      1. In unbelievers – The Holy Spirit will be instrumental in the salvation of Israelites at the close of the tribulation (Zech. 12:10).

      2. In believers – The Holy Spirit will provide special enablement for spiritual tasks as in Old Testament times (Acts 2:17-21).

      B. In the Millennium

      1. In believers – The Holy Spirit will enable believing Israelites to live righteously (Ezek. 36:27).

      2. In Christ – The Holy Spirit will be active in Christ’s righteous rule (Isa. 11:2).

      1. Oh, wow. Thank you for all the information, April. I have a lot of studying to do! I want to make sure I understand as fully as possible the Holy Spirit’s role in my life as well as my unbelieving husband’s. Thank you.

  4. This is an area I was struggling with, and I appreciate your post nailing it beautifully! Just yesterday God showed me that I need to respect my husband unconditionally, no matter how I perceived his spiritual condition. I learned that this journey of submission is not so much about changing how he treats me. It is about how I trust in God and show my husband God’s unconditional love through the power of the Holy Spirit. I accepted that I can go on this journey of submission and respect through God’s strength! Even if my husband doesn’t change, I can respect him because I am respecting and obeying God. Yesterday when I was frustrated, I started singing praises to God and the whole spirit of the house changed because I turned my focus to God!

    2 Timothy 1:7 For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.

    1. Marie,

      THIS IS BEAUTIFUL! I love to see when a wife “gets it.” You are exactly right. This is NOT about changing our husbands – it is about allowing God to change us and about bringing glory to Him, us submitting to Him, us obeying Him and it is all about our relationship with Jesus and His empowering us with His Spirit. It is really not about our husbands much at all. They will be beneficiaries. But – the main thing is Christ.

      I LOVE how things changed at your house when you put your eyes on Christ and began to praise Him. THAT is how God desires to use us in our families and homes!

      Much love!

  5. Truth! How I love how truth sinks to the depths of my soul and at the same time causes me to soar!
    We need this community. When I attempt to speak on this topic, of the wonderful, positive changes in my marriage ,with those I know, I am mostly met with silence and sometimes negativity. It’s only been about 4 or 5 months and the difference is amazing. There must be some women in my church, I am asking God to bring that about in His timing.

    Christ’s One Church.. Love that Nikka! Keep on doing the Lord’s work of teaching and encouraging. I

    1. learningever,

      Sadly – there are very few women, even in the church, who embrace God’s Word about what it means to be a godly woman and wife today. We have been so tainted by our culture – we don’t even realize how far we have veered from God’s truth. 🙁

      So, right now, there are not many women in most churches who practice biblical submission and respect. There is a lot of opposition to being a godly wife – even in the church.

      Here is a post about that! “Do Not Expect Outside Support”

      BUT – I praise God that you are talking with women about this. We will pray God will soften their hearts in time. Some may be very negative – even angry – when you talk about respecting and honoring your husband. But they are not the enemy. It is the real enemy who is promoting these ungodly thoughts. Our battle is spiritual.

      As these women see what God is doing in your marriage – they may come to you in the future for advice.

      It is my prayer that God would place at least ONE godly couple in every church of His around the world to teach these things to our brothers and sisters in Christ and to disciple others.

      I am thrilled about what God is doing in your life!

      Isn’t God’s truth amazing? We need it so desperately!

  6. I just had an “ah ha” moment! My story is a bit complicated. My husband is among the long termed unemployed and is severely depressed. He is currently not my provider or my protector. His focus is totally on himself and the state he is in. He has tremendous regret and hates himself for his past mistakes and failures. He has put me in the position of “his counselor” and his “sole support”, because he refuses to talk to anyone….having said all that, I realize this: If I unconditionally respect him…which speaks love to him…stop trying to fix him…and get out of God’s way…the Lord WILL MAKE A WAY WHERE THERE SEEMS NO WAY!
    Thank you SO MUCH for the reminder.

    1. Amy,
      EXACTLY!!!!!!! As you obey God and are empowered by God’s Spirit – the floodgates of heaven open up and your faith paves the way for the blessings of God and His provision and miracles. AMEN!!!!!! 🙂

  7. Was it on your blog recently that I read the comment “God did not say that husbands need to lead, he said that wives need to submit?”

    I thought that was an interesting distinction, and brings up the point we discussed before. It is not a man’s responsibility to wrest control from his wife and dominate her. He must wait until she lays down her desire to lead.

    God does not overpower us either, He waits for us to put our own desires aside.

    1. Jack,
      Jack,

      Yes, I believe someone said that in a comment.

      Although, God does say that a husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the Church. 1 Cor. 11:3. But, yes, a wife is to voluntarily submit out of reverence for and obedience to Christ. God doesn’t force His leadership on us either, you are absolutely right. He allows us to choose freely to submit to Him or not. Of course, there are consequences for our choices!

      We are free to choose whether to allow God be in charge and whether He will be our Lord. And we are free to choose not to have the Holy spirit’ power flowing full blast through our lives. He gives us the control over that.

  8. This post is right on! And oh how I’m guilty too… But I’ve found as you closed with that the more I was silent, and prayed – the more room he had to hear from God … and you know what – he wants to listen! And he is! So much so he started back to school to pursue becoming a pastor.
    I’m also so much less stressed when not trying to do the work of the Holy Spirit … it’s a lot of responsibility, and too much for me to bear!

  9. I struggle in this area a lot.
    I don’t know how to do the respect thing when he’s abusive in ways. Would you say it’s different for a woman whose husband is verbally or emotionally abusive and manipulative?

    1. Unhappywife,

      How is he being abusive and manipulative exactly?

      There can be differences in things wives need to do depending on their situation and the severity of the husband’s behavior.

      1. Abusive in the words they say -put downs, yelling, threats.
        Manipulative-if you don’t let me do this then I won’t do that. I’m the one who earns money so I get to spend it how I want.

  10. Thank you so much for this reminder! I have done well at the “big” things but I found myself yesterday showing disapproval at something small and really insignificant. I could have kicked myself when I realized that my little comment and disapproving look was just hindering the progress I have worked so hard to achieve.

    1. Unhappywife,
      There is incredible liability in giving advice to someone in a truly abusive marriage. If things are severe, I would encourage you to seek appropriate, godly, biblical help.

          1. Thanks April. Appreciate you taking the time to respond.

            I’m eager to be the best wife even if my husband isn’t doing his best. I just need to let go of that and focus on me and God and what God is challenging and growing me in. Very hard when you live in a hostile home but perhaps I’m here to be the vehicle of Gods love and grace towards my husband that he will see Gods love for Him and become devoted to The Lord.

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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