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Another Wife Shares about Finances and Trust

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I think it is helpful to hear many different wives’ approaches to this issue!  Thanks to this wife for allowing me to share her comment from the post “How a Fellow Wife and Her Husband Decided to Handle the Finances.”

I used to do the bills & budgeting, too. I am not a “finance’ person or particularly “math inclined” but, I like knowing everything is paid and savings (for rainy day, major purchases, retirement) is going as well as possible.

I agree there is less to do since my hubby began doing it. Also, I have more disposable cash (knowing that I’m a naturally born frugal person, my hubby pretty much always says yes to my requests, even though when I was doing the budget I choose to forgo many things for the sake of our financial bottom line.)

The thing is, if I was doing this because it is easier, because I get more spending cash, or even because my hubby’s differently inclined at handling these things, I’d have long since taken it back.

I’m the nerd. I plan. I save. I am also more administratively gifted.

He’s the free spirit. He values ease and relationship much more than the bills getting paid. (Everyone’s getting together? Let’s buy the food! Oh, the insurance bill is due?
I didn’t think of that.) He will give the shirt off his back to someone not really considering whether he has a shirt to give.

  • I am often humbled by his joy in giving far beyond what would be most people’s comfort zone.

Since he’s taken over the bills we’ve received a few past due phone calls. Paid a bit in late fees. Had to dip into the savings(a few thousand dollars).  I coveted (yes, coveted) because we over spent again.

Here’s where the Lord is leading me:

  • I cannot put my trust in man and definitely not in storehouses of gold.
  • He clothes the lilies of the field so I know he’ll take care of us.

And, in a really cool way, He is healing my husband of past wounds that caused my hubby to be so terrified of getting it wrong he never did ANYTHING at all.

I caused many of those wounds. :(

  • Now, I am genuinely grateful for our home (it is humble in size and appearance – I was ok with it when we moved in almost 10 years ago because in my plan, we were downsizing to save more money in order to buy our first home. As my time frame came and went I became angry and ungrateful.)
  • I am genuinely grateful that this humble home allowed us to weather some very lean financial times (due to some circumstances beyond our control and honestly due to some less than stellar decision making on our part.)
  • I am sure (and joyful!) in my calling at home.
  • My husband is rising up willingly carrying more of our daily burden, more of the responsibility, more of the risk.
  • It means a lot that he feels safe enough to stick his neck out and it means a lot that he has been built up enough by the Lord, to weather failures.

And yes, our marriage is experiencing many improvements. :) Of all varieties.

Ahem.

I guess I write this to share my testimony with my sisters.

I did not have an emotional attachment to which bills got paid, or even feel particularly overwhelmed by budgeting.
(Except that hubby didn’t favor submitting to me and made sure to break the budget I came up with, every single time. That almost drove me crazy. :))

  • In fact, my feeling of safety rested pretty heavily on me controlling that part of our lives.

Though I am most definitely a work in progress, I understand in a new way that true safety is only found in Christ.

So that is where I stay.

He will work with my husband in His way, in His time, because (like He has for me) God has plans for my hubby – for good and not for evil. Plans to give him a hope and future.

So, I pray God’s blessings upon my hubby.

And let God handle the rest.

In time, hubby may decide a different way of handling the finances.

Maybe not.

  • Regardless, our God is able.

And guess what? Hubby’s a whole lot more able than I gave him credit for.

Who’d of thunk it?

God – and my husband – have got it covered.

RELATED:

Here are a number of different ways couples handle this issue in ways that honor the husband’s leadership

How Giving Your Husband the Finances May Bring the Romance Back in Your Marriage – how Peacefulwife gave up control of their finances

Money and the Ugly Truth – how Kayla gave her husband control of their finances

When Your Husband Insists on You Handling the Finances – Honoring His Leadership

Finding Security in Christ Alone

TODAY’S POST ON MY BLOG FOR SINGLE WOMEN:

Is Casual Sex or Sexual Immorality Compatible with Christianity?

10 thoughts on “Another Wife Shares about Finances and Trust

  1. Another revelation in reading this. We are seperated so have not got to me handing over the finances yet but one thing that was said has opened my eyes about your husband breaking the budget every single time when you handled budgeting. This was true of not just budgeting issues but a variety if aspects of our lives. I always blamed him for being passive aggressive and would just try harder to make it work my way. Reading this it all makes sense. Thank you for this post. Understanding that I have to trUst in God rather than any human power. Off to re read finding security in Christ alone. Wishing you a peaceful day.

    1. Sarah,

      I am so glad to hear that God is speaking to you through this post. 🙂 I’m always glad to hear from you. I will do my best to encourage you, pray for you, love you and point you to Christ my precious sister!

  2. Love the testimony, and the attitude she displays. A blessed husband. If he ever wonders whether he should appreciate it, have him give me a call.

  3. I gave my husband control of the finances in November, because I was just overwhelmed with being the one to always say yes or no when it came to purchases and I felt that it played a huge part in my anxiety and frustration. I found Peacefulwife right after that and everything started to click! I, like the the author, I receive small blessings by my husband (him calling me to tell me he put $5 on my starbucks card and to treat myself) and even larger gifts that I always turned down in the past because it meant more savings in the bank. I would have never handed control over in order to receive these gifts, but I cannot tell you the joy I feel when my husband sets aside a small amount (just for me!) and asks me to treat myself.

    I feel so relieved to not have the daily stress and my husband has really done a great job with keeping up with the finances. We still write the budget calendar together (he has asked me to help with this part because he really had no idea of what bills we had), but when it comes down to the deciding and paying, he does it. He said that he feels like a man when he is the one paying the bills and I love hearing that response from him. I am SO glad that I let control of the finances go!

    1. Jjenny,
      Thanks so much for sharing your story!

      How wonderful!!!!!!

      I’m so glad you are working as a team and that you are both enjoying your husband’s leadership, generosity and wisdom. 🙂

  4. Hey thanks for your message. My situation as a husband probably offers a different slant. My bad management of our finances has put tremendous strain on our relationship but as I have dug into it I am finding that for me this was not only a serious lack of respect for money but for the people I owed it to and most importantly the woman I married and am supposed to be honouring. I am now trying to understand what true respect is because once I understand this I can actually give my wife and others the honor they have a right to and the money will be managed as well…but I have a long way to go…

    1. Gary,

      I’m so encouraged to hear how you are learning to respect money and your creditors and your wife. 🙂 Wives do need respect and honor, too. Dave Ramsey has an amazing series about godly stewardship with finances.

      May God give you wisdom as you seek to bring Him glory and honor in your marriage and in your life.

  5. I’m wondering how you get your husband to take over the finances? What do you say? My husband spends and wastes a lot of money. A lot of it I believe due to my years of over controlling his spending. He rebels. Now, he says he just doesn’t want the responsibility. However, it is causing me so much stress. I make a budget, but he doesn’t follow it and then doesn’t want to take over. He does have a very stressful job in the military and he has ADHD. But i hate the responsibility and I get resentful because I feel like I can never buy things, because of his spending habits. I don’t know how to motivate him to want to take over.

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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