I think it is helpful to hear many different wives’ approaches to this issue! Thanks to this wife for allowing me to share her comment from the post “How a Fellow Wife and Her Husband Decided to Handle the Finances.”
I used to do the bills & budgeting, too. I am not a “finance’ person or particularly “math inclined” but, I like knowing everything is paid and savings (for rainy day, major purchases, retirement) is going as well as possible.
I agree there is less to do since my hubby began doing it. Also, I have more disposable cash (knowing that I’m a naturally born frugal person, my hubby pretty much always says yes to my requests, even though when I was doing the budget I choose to forgo many things for the sake of our financial bottom line.)
The thing is, if I was doing this because it is easier, because I get more spending cash, or even because my hubby’s differently inclined at handling these things, I’d have long since taken it back.
I’m the nerd. I plan. I save. I am also more administratively gifted.
He’s the free spirit. He values ease and relationship much more than the bills getting paid. (Everyone’s getting together? Let’s buy the food! Oh, the insurance bill is due?
I didn’t think of that.) He will give the shirt off his back to someone not really considering whether he has a shirt to give.
- I am often humbled by his joy in giving far beyond what would be most people’s comfort zone.
Since he’s taken over the bills we’ve received a few past due phone calls. Paid a bit in late fees. Had to dip into the savings(a few thousand dollars). I coveted (yes, coveted) because we over spent again.
Here’s where the Lord is leading me:
- I cannot put my trust in man and definitely not in storehouses of gold.
- He clothes the lilies of the field so I know he’ll take care of us.
And, in a really cool way, He is healing my husband of past wounds that caused my hubby to be so terrified of getting it wrong he never did ANYTHING at all.
I caused many of those wounds.
- Now, I am genuinely grateful for our home (it is humble in size and appearance – I was ok with it when we moved in almost 10 years ago because in my plan, we were downsizing to save more money in order to buy our first home. As my time frame came and went I became angry and ungrateful.)
- I am genuinely grateful that this humble home allowed us to weather some very lean financial times (due to some circumstances beyond our control and honestly due to some less than stellar decision making on our part.)
- I am sure (and joyful!) in my calling at home.
- My husband is rising up willingly carrying more of our daily burden, more of the responsibility, more of the risk.
- It means a lot that he feels safe enough to stick his neck out and it means a lot that he has been built up enough by the Lord, to weather failures.
And yes, our marriage is experiencing many improvements. Of all varieties.
I guess I write this to share my testimony with my sisters.
I did not have an emotional attachment to which bills got paid, or even feel particularly overwhelmed by budgeting.
(Except that hubby didn’t favor submitting to me and made sure to break the budget I came up with, every single time. That almost drove me crazy. :))
- In fact, my feeling of safety rested pretty heavily on me controlling that part of our lives.
Though I am most definitely a work in progress, I understand in a new way that true safety is only found in Christ.
So that is where I stay.
He will work with my husband in His way, in His time, because (like He has for me) God has plans for my hubby – for good and not for evil. Plans to give him a hope and future.
So, I pray God’s blessings upon my hubby.
And let God handle the rest.
In time, hubby may decide a different way of handling the finances.
- Regardless, our God is able.
And guess what? Hubby’s a whole lot more able than I gave him credit for.
Who’d of thunk it?
God – and my husband – have got it covered.
Here are a number of different ways couples handle this issue in ways that honor the husband’s leadership
Money and the Ugly Truth – how Kayla gave her husband control of their finances
TODAY’S POST ON MY BLOG FOR SINGLE WOMEN: