Many times, we are tempted to assume our husbands are not telling us the truth. We try to read into their words a lot and filter them and try to figure out what they are “really saying” and how they really feel.
We tend to think we understand what our husbands are trying to say better than they do.
Sadly, it is often those wrong assumptions (lies) that send us spinning out of control into a negative-thought-spiral-o-death like we talked about a few weeks ago.
Generally, men really aren’t as complicated as we try to make them out to be. They tend to be pretty straight forward and easy-to-understand. We can avoid a whole lot of unnecessary emotional angst and misery if we understand this.
THE “BELIEVE YOUR HUSBAND” CHALLENGE**
The challenge is this:
For the next 3-4 days, when your husband says something, please seek to do the following:
- Take what he says at face value without making any assumptions.
- Choose to believe exactly what he says.
- Move forward acting as if what he said is true.
- If he says he is too tired for intimacy, believe him that he is really just tired. Don’t assume he doesn’t love you or that he hates your body. Don’t put words or motives in his mouth.
- If he says he loves you, believe that is true instead of thinking he’s just saying it because he thinks you want to hear it or because he feels like he has to say it but he doesn’t really mean it.
- If he says he wants to do something with you and the kids, believe him and thank him. If it doesn’t work out, believe that he really did intend to spend that time together.
- If he says nothing is wrong, take him at his word and continue on your merry way like nothing is wrong. Trust that if something really is wrong, he’ll tell you.
- If he is joking, don’t take that seriously.
- If he is being sarcastic, don’t take him literally.
- If he tends to speak hastily in anger and says things he really doesn’t mean, don’t absorb those kinds of words.
- If he is not in his right mind, please don’t take all of his words to heart.
Please sign up in the comments! Let me know if you have any questions.
This challenge is part of how we can take our thoughts captive for Christ, and avoid wrong assumptions that would mislead us.
If there is clear evidence your husband is not telling the truth, please use your discernment. But generally, let’s work on not assuming the worst when there is no reason to assume to think the worst case scenario is true.
I’d also like us to do an even more important challenge this weekend:
THE BELIEVE GOD CHALLENGE
While we are thinking about ways we often misunderstand and misinterpret our husbands’ intentions, motives, and words, I’d like us to pause and think about how we may do the same thing with God sometimes.
Our husbands are fallible, imperfect people. Sometimes they mess up. Sometimes they say things they shouldn’t or don’t say things they should. We can’t always trust or believe people, necessarily. We do need godly discernment with them.
But what about with God?
Do we assume things about God’s motives, too? Like that maybe He doesn’t have good motives? That maybe He’s out to get us? Or maybe He’s too small and wimpy for us to be able to really trust Him?
Do we trust God’s Word and take what He says as truth? Or do we think we know better and we understand better what He really means?
If God’s Word says it, I want to seek to believe it. Let’s read God’s Word everyday. Maybe a chapter per day or so and purpose to:
- Take God’s Word at face value without assuming He has evil motives or He is untrustworthy.
- Choose to believe what He says (about Himself, about us, about His promises, keeping in mind that not every command in the Old Testament applies to believers today, we are no longer under the Law of Moses but under the Law of Grace in the New Testament).
- Move forward in your life acting as if God’s Word is true and trustworthy.
If you need resources to help you feel confident that God’s Word is inerrant and true, please check out
- Questions About the Bible by www.gotquestions.org
- Answers in Genesis – Is the Bible True?
- The Inerrancy of Scripture – podcast by Wayne Grudem Systematic Theology
- What Makes the Bible So Special? by www.josh.org
- The Authority and Inerrancy of Scripture by the Gospel Coalition
We have had 3 other weekend challenges so far:
There is a whole lot more information and support on my social media sites:
Peaceful Wife Blog (Facebook)
**NOTE – Wives whose husbands have extreme issues may either want to skip this challenge or modify it greatly to adjust it to their situation.
If your husband is a known unrepentant pathological liar, if he has mental health issues and is not in touch with reality (has hallucinations, for example), if he is involved in unrepentant adultery, violence, or significant drug/alcohol addictions, it may not be wise to just believe him about everything he says.
Trust may have to be rebuilt. Or he may need help and healing before you can trust him. Depending on your situation, maybe there are some things you can believe him about. But please reach out for experienced, trustworthy help if you are in a really difficult situation and aren’t sure what to do.