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Weekend Marriage Challenge: Believe Your Husband

Many times, we are tempted to assume our husbands are not telling us the truth. We try to read into their words a lot and filter them and try to figure out what they are “really saying” and how they really feel.

We tend to think we understand what our husbands are trying to say better than they do.

Sadly, it is often those wrong assumptions (lies) that send us spinning out of control into a negative-thought-spiral-o-death like we talked about a few weeks ago.

Generally, men really aren’t as complicated as we try to make them out to be. They tend to be pretty straight forward and easy-to-understand. We can avoid a whole lot of unnecessary emotional angst and misery if we understand this.

THE “BELIEVE YOUR HUSBAND” CHALLENGE**

The challenge is this:

For the next 3-4 days, when your husband says something, please seek to do the following:

  1. Take what he says at face value without making any assumptions.
  2. Choose to believe exactly what he says.
  3. Move forward acting as if what he said is true.

EXAMPLES

  1. If he says he is too tired for intimacy, believe him that he is really just tired. Don’t assume he doesn’t love you or that he hates your body. Don’t put words or motives in his mouth.
  2. If he says he loves you, believe that is true instead of thinking he’s just saying it because he thinks you want to hear it or because he feels like he has to say it but he doesn’t really mean it.
  3. If he says he wants to do something with you and the kids, believe him and thank him. If it doesn’t work out, believe that he really did intend to spend that time together.
  4. If he says nothing is wrong, take him at his word and continue on your merry way like nothing is wrong. Trust that if something really is wrong, he’ll tell you.

EXCEPTIONS:

  • If he is joking, don’t take that seriously.
  • If he is being sarcastic, don’t take him literally.
  • If he tends to speak hastily in anger and says things he really doesn’t mean, don’t absorb those kinds of words.
  • If he is not in his right mind, please don’t take all of his words to heart.

Please sign up in the comments! Let me know if you have any questions.

This challenge is part of how we can take our thoughts captive for Christ, and avoid wrong assumptions that would mislead us.

If there is clear evidence your husband is not telling the truth, please use your discernment. But generally, let’s work on not assuming the worst when there is no reason to assume to think the worst case scenario is true.

I’d also like us to do an even more important challenge this weekend:

THE BELIEVE GOD CHALLENGE

While we are thinking about ways we often misunderstand and misinterpret our husbands’ intentions, motives, and words, I’d like us to pause and think about how we may do the same thing with God sometimes.

Our husbands are fallible, imperfect people. Sometimes they mess up. Sometimes they say things they shouldn’t or don’t say things they should. We can’t always trust or believe people, necessarily. We do need godly discernment with them.

But what about with God?

Do we assume things about God’s motives, too? Like that maybe He doesn’t have good motives? That maybe He’s out to get us? Or maybe He’s too small and wimpy for us to be able to really trust Him?

Do we trust God’s Word and take what He says as truth? Or do we think we know better and we understand better what He really means?

THE CHALLENGE

If God’s Word says it, I want to seek to believe it. Let’s read God’s Word everyday. Maybe a chapter per day or so and purpose to:

  1. Take God’s Word at face value without assuming He has evil motives or He is untrustworthy.
  2. Choose to believe what He says (about Himself, about us, about His promises, keeping in mind that not every command in the Old Testament applies to believers today, we are no longer under the Law of Moses but under the Law of Grace in the New Testament).
  3. Move forward in your life acting as if God’s Word is true and trustworthy.

If you need resources to help you feel confident that God’s Word is inerrant and true, please check out

We have had 3 other weekend challenges so far:

  1. The smiling challenge
  2. The tone of voice challenge
  3. The receiving cheerfully challenge

There is a whole lot more information and support on my social media sites:

Peaceful Wife Blog (Facebook)

Peacefulwife (Instagram)


**NOTE – Wives whose husbands have extreme issues may either want to skip this challenge or modify it greatly to adjust it to their situation.

If your husband is a known unrepentant pathological liar, if he has mental health issues and is not in touch with reality (has hallucinations, for example), if he is involved in unrepentant adultery, violence, or significant drug/alcohol addictions, it may not be wise to just believe him about everything he says.

Trust may have to be rebuilt. Or he may need help and healing before you can trust him. Depending on your situation, maybe there are some things you can believe him about. But please reach out for experienced, trustworthy help if you are in a really difficult situation and aren’t sure what to do.

7 thoughts to “Weekend Marriage Challenge: Believe Your Husband”

  1. How on earth did I miss the first two? When these weekend challenges are over I’m going back to do them. Last week’s challenge was fun and worked out extremely well.

    1. Happily gave up – The first two I had done years ago here on the blog. But I put them up on my Facebook page recently. I tend to post there a lot more than I do here because most people don’t want more than one or two blog posts per week.

      I’m excited that last week’s challenge was a blessing. And yes, you can absolutely go back and do the others later.

      <3

  2. After my Husband went traipsing around our corona ridden country – without taking the precautions seriously I have found myself not being able to respect him anymore! He is risking our very life – yet many preach men know best? NO! I refuse to believe men are the masters over life and death for their family. THEY do NOT GET TO DECIDE!

    1. Sonja,

      It sounds like you are pretty upset with your man right now. I’m so sorry he has disappointed you. It is a scary time with COVID-19, for sure.

      I don’t know the situation or your husband’s motives. I don’t know that he was purposely trying to hurt you or your family. Some people have different perspectives on medical things and it can be difficult for them to change their minds and understanding.

      God’s Word doesn’t say we have to agree with our husbands. Husbands do sin sometimes and sometimes they make mistakes.

      And His Word doesn’t say they are always right. (And I don’t say that either!) I would definitely prefer that everyone take appropriate precautions with COVID-19. Especially as a pharmacist.

      But our husbands thrive on respect. Not that we agree with everything, not that we don’t politely share our concerns.

      I spent over 14 years criticizing my husband constantly, putting him down, disrespecting him, thinking I was always right and he was wrong if he didn’t agree with me.

      Eventually, he shut down and became a shell of the man he had been. I tried to change him, to verbally drag him to God, to make him do what I wanted him to because I thought I was so right all the time.

      Thankfully, the Lord showed me that I had a really big beam in my own eye that I needed to remove before I had any business addressing the speck in my husband’s eye (Matt. 7:1-5).

      Husbands don’t get to take your free will. They don’t get to make your decisions for you.

      You get to choose what you will do.

      For over 14 years, I rebelled against God’s Word and our marriage suffered greatly. We were both miserable.

      But when I repented of my sin and stopped demanding that Greg change and begin to beg God to change me, miracles began to happen. Slowly, but steadily, God healed and changed me. Then my husband. Then our marriage.

      I have seen the power of God to change lives and marriages. And I long for everyone to have the strong, vibrant, healthy marriage of their dreams.

      Even more than that, I long for us all to honor the Lord in the way we think, speak, and act, knowing we will answer to Him for everything we do.

      Men are not our masters.
      Men don’t always know best.
      Men can sin.
      Men can make mistakes.

      So can women.

      We can sin and we can make mistakes.

      Treating our husbands with respect isn’t really about them. It’s about our spiritual health and our willingness to submit ourselves to God’s Word and the Lordship of Christ.

      As we trust Jesus and honor His Word, He can change us and change our men for His glory.

      There are times I wouldn’t be willing to cooperate with my husband’s leadership. I have a post about that here.

      Praying for the Lord’s healing for you, your husband, and your marriage.

      And for protection for your health and your family’s health.

      Much love!
      April

    2. Sonja,

      A bit of bad news, and then some great news for those who know Christ…

      There is a very high chance we will mostly all be exposed to COVID-19 at some point. As a pharmacist, I expect that it may be around for quite some time to come.

      I think most of my family had it in February, although we haven’t been able to confirm it.

      It’s wise to continue to try to quarantine, especially for those with extra health risks. But living in total quarantine for another year or more is probably not going to be possible for most people.

      But there is good news!

      Thankfully, it is not a super high mortality rate. It’s not like we are dealing with Ebola or some of the other viruses. So that is a blessing.

      And the even better news:
      Should we be exposed, if we know Jesus, we can have His peace. I have a post about that here.

      God is able to use even the most awful things that happen in our lives for our ultimate good and His glory. So we don’t have to freak out. We can rest in His love and provision. (Rom. 8:28-29)

      As we trust God and put our faith in Him, His perfect love can melt away our fear.

      Much love to you!
      April

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