Dying to Self – by The Good Wife


This is a guest post by my precious sister in Christ at www.thegoodwife121.blogspot.ca.  She is documenting her journey to become a godly wife.  I am sure many wives are going to relate to her struggles and be blessed by what God is doing in her heart!


Slowly it’s getting easier.

I noticed it while I was fuming over washing dirty dishes, it was a Sunday and I had wanted to go to church, but was unable to because Husband had a previous commitment, even though I was annoyed, I remembered my goals and came to an understanding that this was just life, and I would have to handle my disappointment.
Later I received a text telling me he was planning on going out afterwards, to his brother’s church where he played on the worship team – this put me firmly into the “Sunday all day/night alone with baby.”

I was ticked – all I had wanted was a couple of hours in the morning to go to church, and now I was having to have another long, solo-parenting evening while Husband did what he wanted to.

I started to scrub the dishes harder.

Like there weren’t enough long days, and with the baby being, well…2, those days generally weren’t filled with easy-goingness and happy times. It was work! Hard work! Not to mention keeping the house clean, getting laundry done, making special-diet meals and grocery shopping.

My pot was practically glowing by this point.

Finally I took a breath and I prayed: Lord, I am so frustrated and tired right now. Help me to check my attitude and focus on the good.

Slowly I started to feel that knot of annoyance loosen just a tad, suddenly I remembered all my prayers about Husbands spiritual life and praying that he would feel closer to God and have a better relationship with Him. How I had shed tears over his faith and had been so worried that he was falling away.
I bowed my head and sighed.

Here I was, getting upset because he wants to go to Church. Shouldn’t I be considering this as an answer to prayer, rather than an annoyance?

Finally my pride snapped, and I was able to let go of that anger that had started to boil inside.

Husband and I had, previous to this pot-washing incident, exchanged a quick phone conversation, and he knew by the tone of my voice that I was not in the best of moods, though when he asked, I denied it, of course.
Later that evening he came through the door, with his proverbial tail between his legs and clearly expected a row about the change in plans.
He casually asked how I was doing, (testing the waters, no doubt) and by that point I was actually able to be happy to see him and greet him with love and kindness.

Husband seems a little surprised, this was definitely not what he was expecting, and almost immediately he apologized for changing plans on the fly, and hoped that I wasn’t upset.

Wow…this was a change!

A normal chain of events would have been:

  • Change of plans
  • I get mad
  • Give husband cold treatment/guilt to get him to apologize
  • Husband defends actions and digs in his heels
  • I get hurt because he wouldn’t apologize or consider my feelings
  • Husband gets annoyed because I’m manipulating him
  • We fight until midnight, sleep separately and have a horrible night and next day.
But I was able to circumvent this by simply “letting go.”
It’s still a struggle and I think for a long time, it will be – putting my will aside for another’s is extremely difficult and doesn’t come easily to my nature, but I’m seeing real changes in how my marriage works when I started changing my own behavior for my own sake.
Please don’t misunderstand, this is something I am doing for me. I am changing myself not to become quote/unquote perfect wife, but rather wanting to be a Godly woman, and part of that is practicing humility and self-control, and through that I am seeing positive results in my marriage.
It is a daily ‘dying to self’ and ever so slowly, I feel that, through much prayer and help from the Holy Spirit, that I am able to accomplish this more easily.

I don’t know if I’m seeing more sweetness and kindness in my Husband, or if I’m finally able to focus on what was already there.

“Then said Jesus unto his disciples, if any man will come after me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross and follow me. 
For whoever will save his life shall lose it; and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it.”
~ Matthew 16: 24-25

My marriage is that dirty pot.
It’s a good pot, a sturdy one that has gone through lots of wear and tear and has some dents in it, I just need to scrub it, not only see it for the burn marks, and the gunk stuck on it. I need to wash it, and care for it, and it should last for many, many years.

~ The Good Wife