This is a guest post by my precious sister in Christ at www.thegoodwife121.blogspot.ca. She is documenting her journey to become a godly wife. I am sure many wives are going to relate to her struggles and be blessed by what God is doing in her heart!
Slowly it’s getting easier.
I noticed it while I was fuming over washing dirty dishes, it was a Sunday and I had wanted to go to church, but was unable to because Husband had a previous commitment, even though I was annoyed, I remembered my goals and came to an understanding that this was just life, and I would have to handle my disappointment.
Later I received a text telling me he was planning on going out afterwards, to his brother’s church where he played on the worship team – this put me firmly into the “Sunday all day/night alone with baby.”
I was ticked – all I had wanted was a couple of hours in the morning to go to church, and now I was having to have another long, solo-parenting evening while Husband did what he wanted to.
I started to scrub the dishes harder.
Like there weren’t enough long days, and with the baby being, well…2, those days generally weren’t filled with easy-goingness and happy times. It was work! Hard work! Not to mention keeping the house clean, getting laundry done, making special-diet meals and grocery shopping.
My pot was practically glowing by this point.
Finally I took a breath and I prayed: Lord, I am so frustrated and tired right now. Help me to check my attitude and focus on the good.
Slowly I started to feel that knot of annoyance loosen just a tad, suddenly I remembered all my prayers about Husbands spiritual life and praying that he would feel closer to God and have a better relationship with Him. How I had shed tears over his faith and had been so worried that he was falling away.
I bowed my head and sighed.
Here I was, getting upset because he wants to go to Church. Shouldn’t I be considering this as an answer to prayer, rather than an annoyance?
Finally my pride snapped, and I was able to let go of that anger that had started to boil inside.
Husband and I had, previous to this pot-washing incident, exchanged a quick phone conversation, and he knew by the tone of my voice that I was not in the best of moods, though when he asked, I denied it, of course.
Later that evening he came through the door, with his proverbial tail between his legs and clearly expected a row about the change in plans.
He casually asked how I was doing, (testing the waters, no doubt) and by that point I was actually able to be happy to see him and greet him with love and kindness.
Husband seems a little surprised, this was definitely not what he was expecting, and almost immediately he apologized for changing plans on the fly, and hoped that I wasn’t upset.
Wow…this was a change!
A normal chain of events would have been:
- Change of plans
- I get mad
- Give husband cold treatment/guilt to get him to apologize
- Husband defends actions and digs in his heels
- I get hurt because he wouldn’t apologize or consider my feelings
- Husband gets annoyed because I’m manipulating him
- We fight until midnight, sleep separately and have a horrible night and next day.
I don’t know if I’m seeing more sweetness and kindness in my Husband, or if I’m finally able to focus on what was already there.
My marriage is that dirty pot.
It’s a good pot, a sturdy one that has gone through lots of wear and tear and has some dents in it, I just need to scrub it, not only see it for the burn marks, and the gunk stuck on it. I need to wash it, and care for it, and it should last for many, many years.
~ The Good Wife