From the wife who “Gave Up on Her Dream for Her Marriage,” “Stopped Pursuing Her Husband in the Wrong Ways” and “Handled a Grumpy Husband Beautifully“
She started this journey 12 months ago – but only REALLY “got it,” in many ways, this past August. I think what she has to share is very fitting as part of today’s celebration! This wife is one of hundreds that I know of whose life God has radically changed. I am so blessed to get to have a virtual front row seat to see His beautiful work in her life and marriage. 🙂
Misconceptions I would share with a new wife starting on this journey.
1. I was afraid I would have to ‘dumb down’ acting as if I were a woman without a thought in her head. This was not going to work for me. I know I am smart and have ideas I can contribute.
TRUTH—–I can share my thoughts and ideas with my husband and he will most likely appreciate them. I just need to share them as potential ideas and let him make the decision on what to do with them from there.
2. I feared my husband would never show me he loved me again, without me pushing him to do it and letting him know what I needed.
TRUTH—-once I let go of him and decided to freely accept whatever he offered or didn’t offer, he became much more tender and affectionate with me.
3. I feared that if I let my husband have a larger part in the finances, I would have less money for things I would like to have.
TRUTH— While there have been times my husband has asked me to spend carefully or not at all, he is actually much more laid back in what I buy.
4. I believed I had to be a ‘plastic’ woman with no feelings at all to do this. That I would have to always, as you said, sit and smile no matter what.
TRUTH- I am more in touch with my emotions than ever.
5. I feared many things would fall apart without me keeping them together.
TRUTH- My husband actually has more initiative than I dreamed and has really been stepping up to the plate, especially with home maintenance.
6. I feared that I would never get what I wanted again, whether it was a choice of restaurants or something much bigger.
TRUTH- My husband is actually much more willing to give me what I want.
7. I feared there would never be any emotional closeness between us.
TRUTH- I can share all of my feelings with him, as long as I do it in the right way. He is actually more in tune with me now and my needs. Sometimes he takes control when he sees I need rest and I love that. He will freely tell me my hormones are talking in a loving way instead of an argument resulting from me being hormonal.
8. I feared he would make huge mistakes with our finances and we would face total financial ruin.
TRUTH- He has actually proved to be very capable and made very logical choices with our finances. Many times, he chooses differently than I would have but I can almost always see his way is better.
9. I feared our marriage would die if I didn’t hold the reins.
TRUTH- It is growing and flourishing daily.
10. I feared he would become harsh with our children.
TRUTH- He has become an even more loving and compassionate father.
11. I feared he would become stingy.
TRUTH- He has never been more generous.
He is more comfortable leading me and I am very comfortable following. Do I always get my way? No, but I often do. I have learned to lean on him and take direction well. Each time I do, I am blessed by another layer of peace in our home and between us.
I NEED my husband to handle certain situations and to advise me at times. I feel weightless as opposed to before I began this journey because he is carrying more and more weight and I am carrying less and less. I am really free to just concentrate on myself, my part time job, my children and my interests.