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Being Married to a Man Who Doesn’t Talk Much

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If you are a wife who is married to a man who does not do a lot of talking, this post is for you!  Please keep in mind that it is very normal for opposites to attract.  Talkative people often marry more quiet people.  It makes sense.  But sometimes once we are married, we get upset that our husbands aren’t just like us!  Thankfully, we can usually learn to understand and appreciate our husbands.  Their differences from us can become a blessing and a big part of the strength of our marriages – if we are willing to offer grace, respect and God’s love.

When I talk with other wives, I usually ask some questions like:

1. What was he like when you were dating?

2. Is this just his personality?  Does he enjoy and need time alone to recharge?

3. Does he speak to anyone else?

4. What was he like growing up?

IF THE ANSWERS YOU HAVE ARE THINGS LIKE:

1. He hated talking on the phone when we were dating.  He said he didn’t have anything to talk about or he didn’t like talking on the phone.

2. He is always very quiet.  He likes to have a lot of time alone.

3. He has a few friends but he prefers to spend his time on his hobbies, work, the computer… he likes being alone.  He talks to people at work and church, but feels kind of worn out after a lot of socialization.

4. He spent a lot of time reading or playing by himself.

THEN… this is probably his personality and not anything personal against you! 🙂

If he has any issues like Asperger’s , ADD, bi-polar, depression, autism  – that is going to take a much greater level of grace, understanding and respect on your part to be a godly wife to him.  Be sure you research his condition and understand him and the extra challenges that will be yours as his wife.

***** If there are addictions, violence, infidelity, major unrepentant sin, involvement in the occult or a cult, seriously uncontrolled mental health issues – please get the appropriate help ASAP!

HERE ARE SOME THINGS TO KEEP IN MIND, LADIES…

  • If a man doesn’t talk much before you get married, that is how he will be after you marry him!  

It is extremely unfair, not to mention – unrealistic, to assume a man’s entire personality will change just because you marry him!

Realize you are going to have to adjust your expectations around his personality and around his wounds and that you will need to learn to adapt your skills and communications gifts to suit him.  God created the woman to be the husband’s helpmeet.  Not the other way around.  We as women have much more flexibility and strengths with our verbal skills and communication abilities.   We must be prepared to adjust to the individual qualities, weaknesses, strengths and unique quirks of our particular husbands.

Something that really helped me – women tend to take silence as meaning “hatred.”  But most men do not intend silence to mean that they are angry.  I’m sure there can be exceptions.  Many times, a husband loves his wife with all his heart, he just doesn’t have a big need to verbalize his emotions and feelings.  It is easier to rest in our husbands’ love if we know they love us, but they are just different in how they express their love.

SOME OF MY SUGGESTIONS TO PRAYERFULLY CONSIDER IF YOU ARE MARRIED TO A MAN WHO DOES NOT READILY SHARE HIS HEART VERBALLY:

  • Accept that he shows love without words and appreciate the ways he shows love – by providing for the family, by taking care of the house, by helping with the kids and chores, by running to the store if you ask him to… these are his ways of showing love.  The key is that a wife needs to recognize how he shows love and accept his way of showing love as being valid and appreciating what he does instead of being angry that he doesn’t change and doesn’t show love with a lot of emotional words.
  • Commit to learning to understand him better and to see the depth of his love and appreciate his love even if he has trouble expressing it verbally.  Just because a man is not great at saying, “I love you” or giving compliments does not mean he doesn’t love deeply and love well.  Many men who aren’t big talkers ARE big lovers – they show it in their own ways.
  • Be prepared to get a lot of your talking needs met with some godly girlfriends.
  • You will need to be able to rest in his love without getting a lot of verbal affirmation or reassurance of his love.  And you will need to accept that he is not wrong for not being verbal about his emotions and about his love, he is just different.  That will have to be ok.
  • Accept that he may not give a lot of compliments – and appreciate that he probably doesn’t give a lot of criticism, either.
  • Be willing to accept his way of bonding many times – by being together shoulder to shoulder doing something without a lot of talking.
  • If he doesn’t appreciate or want a lot of verbal praise/affirmation/encouragement – learn how to bless him with non-verbal respect  – big smiles, possibly hugs if he is ok with that, doing special things for him that he would appreciate.
  • Be willing not to pressure him to try to make him open up.
  • Create an emotionally/spiritually safe place for him in case he does want to share.  Be relaxed.
  • If he does share something vulnerable with you, treasure and safeguard what he shares!  Don’t use that against him or tell other people about it!  Be trustworthy and loyal!
  • Don’t turn him into an idol  (don’t expect him to meet your deepest spiritual/emotional needs – go to Christ for that!) and don’t turn the idea of having deep emotional conversations into an idol (ie: I MUST have long, deep talks about emotions with him or it is not ok!).
  • Accept him the way he is without wanting to change him.
  • Ask for what you need in a non-blaming, non-pressuring way – “I’d love it if you could listen to me for about 10 minutes sometime tonight, please.  That would mean so much to me.  I feel closer to you when I share my heart with you verbally.  It makes me feel connected.”  You may want to also mention that just him listening is a gift and IS a way of “fixing” things for you.  Sometimes it helps to say, “I don’t really need any solutions right now, I just need to process my feelings out loud and feel heard.  That makes me feel loved.”  You can teach him gently, what your needs are – and as he sees that you are delighted when he listens, he will be encouraged to do that more often!
  • THANK HIM any time he does listen!
  • Be calm and pleasant and friendly when you share your heart with him. Let him associate “talking with you” with pleasant emotions.
  • Be willing to offer yourself joyfully to him sexually, even if he doesn’t have an hour conversation with you about feelings – realizing that for him, sex IS emotional and spiritual connection with you.  Be available to him whenever you can.  It is ok to ask for what you need in a kind, pleasant way, too.  Thank him any time he meets your needs.  I like to think of us as blessing our husbands sexually.  Many times, our husbands feel MUCH more connected to us during and right after physical intimacy.  That can be a good time to tell him you’d love to cuddle for a few minutes and share your heart.  By sharing your heart, I don’t mean complaining or making demands – but sharing your feelings, your appreciation for him, your day, your dreams, your ideas…  Of course, if it is late, you may want to keep it fairly brief.   And – I personally suggest not trying to have a BIG TALK about something highly emotionally charged after about 10pm.

RELATED:

The Introvert Husband – by the Genuine Husband

65 thoughts on “Being Married to a Man Who Doesn’t Talk Much

  1. Vive la différence – Men and women are different and I am very thankful for the differences. When we marry our spouses, we become a team. Each of us brings different talents and skills that compliment each other’s talents and skills. Many of the different talents men and women are born with are the result of God’s plan for survival of the species.

    Great post with very good insights and advice. You make me wonder how I can look at this topic from a husbands perspective.

    1. Rick,

      I wonder if husbands, in general, know that wives talk about feelings – and everything else – to try to draw close emotionally to their husbands?

      For a wife, sharing verbally about her problems, her day, her emotions, talking about the relationship = intimacy.

      I’m not sure that is the case for many husbands!

      Maybe if husbands could understand that even if they don’t have these kinds of needs, that their wives are seeking closeness by desiring to talk with them – they may be able to set aside some time each day for their wives to talk. It would be even more amazing if a husband could seek out his wife and say, “So, Honey, what’s on your heart today? I just want to hear what’s important to you right now.”

      And, if a husband could set up a specific time each day for that – maybe 15-20 minutes, where he turns off all of the electronics, sits face to face with her and gives her all of his attention – that would make many wives feel VERY loved and precious to their husbands.

      Does that help at all?

      1. Oh! Rick,

        PS – if a husband can genuinely initiate prayer – that is HUGE CONNECTION for many wives.

        In fact, when wives feel connected spiritually with their husbands, it is a big turn on for many wives.

        I wouldn’t say, “pray with your wives so they will want more sex” but when a husband genuinely and sincerely prays and seeks God together with his wife – WOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!

        It is the most amazing feeling of oneness for a believing wife.

        My friend, Kayla, has a post on this.
        http://lessonsofmercy.wordpress.com/?s=prayer+sexy&submit=Search

        Check it out! 🙂

      2. Thank you. Yes, that was very helpful. I like the concept of 15 to 20 minutes set aside during the day or evening to solicit a conversation about what’s on our wives minds. Although, I’m not sure that’s enough time! Better set aside 30 minutes. I really must remember to be quiet and listen and not offer solutions to the issues/problems my wife talks about. You know how we men love to fix things. Give us a problem and we will give you a solution. It may not be a good one, but that never stops us.

        I also like your concept of praying together. I have offered the suggestion to my wife of praying together before we go to bed. She loved it, but we never seem to be going to sleep at the same time. I may have to come up with a different solution.

      3. Thank you so much… i feel so much better after reading this article. My hubby is an introvert… we just got married in june after a year of long distance relationship… thank you again… Hugsssss

  2. Thanks so much for this article. As a young woman who is VERY talkative and has gone and fallen in love with a VERY quiet and reserved young man- this was a message I needed to hear. I have known for a while that we will need to work through the communication issue and I appreciate your wisdom. I’ve saved it and plan to refer back to it occasionally.
    Thanks!

    1. If you’re not married yet, please consider seriously not marrying him even though you love him. Decades of quiet are hard to bear. Always working through issues, making allowances, and convincing yourself to feel differently than you really do is hard work. There are lovable, talkative men in the world who would appreciate you so much more and you would feel loved and supported without the huge, constant effort of trying to remember this list!

      1. Marianne,

        Thanks for sharing. 🙂

        It is wise to be sure a woman can accept and respect a man’s personality before they marry. There are advantages and disadvantages to every personality type. But yes, if a woman doesn’t want to live with a very quiet man, it would be better not to marry such a man.

        Thankfully, God can empower us to be godly wives no matter what our husband’s personality. But – this is something to very prayerfully and carefully consider BEFORE marriage.

        Men who are not very talkative actually can be quite loving and appreciative – they just don’t express it verbally. They often express it in other ways.

        Of course, some of the really talkative men have other issues that are difficult to live with – more criticism, for instance. Any man we marry will be imperfect. And any man we marry will be different from us. There will be a learning curve no matter what. But God can use that to sanctify us and help us grow spiritually.

        Much love!

      2. Very wise words. I wish someone had said that to me before I married my husband. 20 years later and I feel very alone and unloved as he never wants to talk or listen to me. I now have two children and feel trapped with him and very unhappy. He is so different to me it is very difficult on a daily basis.

        1. Joanne,

          Would you like to talk a bit about what is going on?

          How is your walk with Christ going? 🙂 There is every reason for hope when we are fully yielded to Him. 🙂

          Much love to you!

        2. Joanne, It’s not normal for a husband to do that. Don’t let anyone tell you that it’s normal, especially for a CHRISTIAN husband to ignore his wife. He has been told by God to love his wife as Christ loved the church. He should be interested in loving you the way you want to be loved. Christ loves his church. He doesn’t turn us away or ignore us. And when someone automatically focuses on YOU as if you are the problem by asking “how is YOUR walk with Christ?” Anyone who puts the focus on you and doesn’t address the problem of your unloving spouse is just digging the hole deeper for your husband to be allowed to be cold to you. If the husbands get a free pass to treat wives any way they want, we do too. You don’t have to put up with it Joanne. What’s the point of being married to someone if they aren’t going to talk to you. There is a site called Cry for Justice that defends women like you and doesn’t make all these petty excuses and coddling of men.

          1. Cher,

            I appreciate you reaching out to Joanne and thank you for your concern for her. My approach in ministry to wives is to seek to follow Matthew 7:1-5 first and then Matthew 18:15-17. So – as we look at our own lives and allow God to shine light on anything that is displeasing to Him (if there is anything) and we deal with that first, then we can see clearly and hear God’s voice clearly to know best how to approach our husband’s sin.

            If we try to address our husband’s sin but we don’t realize we have sin in our own lives, things don’t tend to go well. I have many years of experience of that approach under my belt, unfortunately. Other wives may have already taken care of any sin issues in their lives – if so, that is awesome! Then they are ready to begin to deal with their husband’s issues as they seek God above all else.

            I don’t know people’s situations and don’t want to make assumptions – especially when I am only hearing one side of a story – so I like to try to ask questions to get a better understanding before I seek to point them to Christ. Kind of like when one of my children comes to tell me that the other one did something that upset them, my first response is usually to ask about what they did first – because then I get a more clear picture.

            I don’t want any wife to feel ignored. I don’t intend to coddle men. I only write for wives – and my goal is to seek to point wives to be as close to Jesus and as filled up with Him as possible. Then they can hear His Spirit’s prompting clearly and also their husband’s sin issues will be so much more easy to discern.

            Much love!

          2. All,

            I know that we would ALL love for our husbands to love us and be as plugged in as they want us to be. Sometimes they are quiet and withdrawn because of their own sin. Sometimes they are quiet and unplugged because of their personality, mental illness, temperament, or stress that has nothing to do with us. Sometimes they are withdrawn and to themselves because they feel disrespected. My hope is to help us examine all of the possible issues to find the real root problem and then address that in ways that will be the most effective so that it is a win/win.

            Much love!

  3. I love my husband. I really do. But if I could change anything in my life, I would have never married an introvert.

    I feel like I’m the only one who makes an effort to change myself to fit his personality. Gentle,respectful requests to talk or engage in any dialogue are met with stony silence. Or my personal favorite throwing the conversation back into my court to carry alone. A conversation would go….
    Me: what would you like for dinner
    Him: *long stare* grunt
    Me: Would you like blank, blank, or blank
    Him: Whatever you decided
    Me: Well I picked last time, would you like to pick this time
    Him: *long stare* grunt

    And to think we haven’t even celebrated our first anniversary. I’m so very tired.

    G-d give me strength to endure.

    I wonder what sin I committed for this punishment? Or is perpetual loneliness the cross I’ll bear in this life? I’m trying to get my head around that I will suffer this silently even though it feels like its crushing my very spirit and I want to scream at the top of my lungs.

    I just wish I could stop hurting. Everyone says be grateful that he doesn’t beat me, he works, and he’s kind. But the silence still hurts.

    1. Portia,

      I do understand how painful a silent husband can be. My husband was very quiet, passive and shut down for many years. It felt like hatred sometimes.

      Now – I know that I greatly misunderstood my husband’s heart. He never did hate me. I had hurt him. That was mostly why he shut down. But also, he is just VERY, VERY different from me. We don’t think or feel the same way.

      The books that helped me the most to understand my husband and to be able to relax and rest in his love were:

      For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn

      How to Talk so Your Husband Will Listen, and Listen So Your Husband Will Talk by Rick Johnson

      Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs

      I am glad to walk with you on this journey. There is so much to discover and learn about your husband! Until you are able to learn all of those things, I hope you will be able to assume the best of him, not the worst. He is different from you, but that doesn’t mean he is ill-willed toward you or that he wants to hurt you. Most likely, he loves you deeply – he just isn’t you. As you figure out who he is and how he thinks and what is important to him – it will all make a lot more sense.

      You can also search my home page for “men think” “men emotions” and check out what some husbands have shared with me. SUPER HELPFUL STUFF!

      I have a number of additional posts coming on this topic.

      You are not alone! This is a pretty common thing.

      ON the dinner topic – he may not really care that much about that particular issue. THat’s ok. You can pick and just make a meal out of love for him and enjoy eating with him.

      What was he like when you were dating?

      What did you admire about him?

      What was his parents’ marriage like?

      What was your parents’ marriage like?

      What interests does he have?

      What makes him happy?

      Much love to you! 🙂

      1. I know this is a year old post but it still remains relevant. I’ve been married for over 3 years now to a man that I love deeply. If I didn’t love him, I wouldn’t be hurting so much emotionally. My husband is an introvert which I can deal with. What I can’t really deal with is the fact that he is also passive aggressive. He grew up in a house hold where his father was always quiet and his mother was very controlling. Not a very good combination. I don’t regret marrying him but I wish we gave it more time. We had the pre-marriage counselling and read so many books that I thought we were truly ready. But I guess no one is truly ready, I dunno.

        He supports and loves his family (we have a 2 year old), he helps when asked, doesn’t hurt me, and loves God. But he gets into these moments of hostility and just won’t talk to me all day (longest has been 2.5 days) but all of the sudden will start talking again as if he just came out of a coma. It’s so frustrating and I feel so underappreciated at these times. I don’t know what to do except to pray and talk to people that maybe going through something similar. I asked him if we can do councilling but he doesn’t want it. I also find that at these times if I ask him to do the simplist thing (like change a baby diaper), he rollls his eyes and asks me to do it. But if he is back to his old self, he’s completely fine with helping out. These moments are at random times and don’t necessarily happen after a long day from work or if we just had a fight. I really want to understand this but he won’t talk to me.

        1. Little button,
          Introverts, especially, sometimes need some time (a few days even) to process negative emotions. If your husband feels pressured to talk before he is ready, that might make it harder for him to even be able to take about what is wrong.
          you are welcome to search my home page about:

          – men emotions
          – husbands emotions
          – introvert
          – why husbands need space
          – husband shares

          And you can scroll through my timeline at the top of my home page. I actually have quite a few posts about this scenario.

          As you are able to learn to understand his personality, you may be able to give him the time and space he needs without resentment, and then be ready to talk when he is ready, and things may go a lot more smoothly.

          Much love!
          April

          1. Yeah, I’m going to take your advice and give him some space right now. Let him come to me.

            Thanks 🙂

    2. OMG are you married to the same man that I am. Please help!!!!!!! I feel the same way.. we have been married for 27 years dated 4 years and I am 46 years old and I am still waiting…..on him to wake up and have a life. God help me I almost want to just walk out the door. I have tried everything.. we drove 2 1/2 hours to a football game he might have said maybe 10 words all the way down there. Didn’t speak to me at all during the game until he seen me upset during half time. Did not say a hand full of words all the way home.

      1. Michelle,

        It is a pleasure to meet you!

        Is it possible that your husband is an introvert and doesn’t like to do a lot of talking? Was he this way when you were dating? Is it possible that he isn’t upset or angry but just doesn’t bond with words?

        How do you respond when you want him to talk but he doesn’t?

        Much love to you!

    3. I have been married for 8 years to a silent man. We are blessed with two children that we love dearly. He is a good provider and father. He was quiet when we dated but I feel like we talked more. He has no hobbies nor do I feel he wants them. I feel like he is scared. He doesn’t talk to coworkers or friends. He just works and that is the only thing he wants to talk about and it’s just to complain about it. It’s like he can’t and doesn’t know what else to say. I am so lonely, angry and depressed. It’s Christmas and the only gift I want is communication and time for us. I have suggested a hotel stay or a trip for just us, I feel it’s not important to him and he doesn’t want to spend the money on it. We both work full time and have the money so that is not it. I know I could plan it like I do everything but I want /need him to want it. I think about when my mom dies or when the kids grow up and it’s just us. I know how the silence feels now with kids in the background making noise but what about when they are gone. He will call me during the day and just sit there in silence and I just say I got to go. I don’t know if I can handle the silence for the long haul. I feel like I am married to a roommate instead of husband.
      Blessings,
      C

      1. C,
        I wonder if your husband might be very depressed as well?

        How do you respond when he doesn’t talk? What do you say and do when he doesn’t seem interested in your suggestions?

        What was his parents’ marriage like?

        What is his relationship with Christ?

        What is your relationship with Christ?

        Sending you a huge hug, my precious girl!

  4. This post is super funny to me.
    I am more of an introvert then my husband. He wants me to call him at least twice a day, specially after work to say how was my day.

    I HATE THAT !!!!!!

    My day was fine, that’s all. Thanks.

    But no. Hubby wants to know how I feel. Before, I would think he wanted to control everything. Why do I have to call him?

    But don’t worry, since I have been reading this blog, I have “peacefully”, or almost 😉 tried to call him, at least once, especially after work, to talk to him.

    Need I say, I am getting very positive response from him. I hear it in his voice. It’s like I just gave him the greatest gift.

    So, I will continue as so. But, just wanted to say, it is not very natural to me.

    Now, I like to talk too. Just not as much!

  5. I can’t say that I relate to this at all because my husband is so gregarious. I’m actually less talkative than he is. And while I think this is excellent advice for a woman who is married to an introvert (especially that she cannot change him because all we can change is ourselves), shouldn’t she expect some compromise? My sister was married to such a man. It was so frustrating and eventually heartbreaking for her because she would give and give to her husband yet never seemed to get get anything in return. She felt so alone at times. They eventually divorced after 10 years (he initiated, btw). Honestly, I’d wither away if I had to live this way so my question is, where do we draw the line at showing Godly love/patience/understanding and expecting a little more in return?

    1. Elena,

      A wife can share her needs calmly and respectfully. She can clearly ask for what she desires. But a wife cannot force her husband to do what she wants any more than a husband can force his wife to do what he wants her to do.

      But a wife can make the environment as conducive as possible for her husband to feel safe, loved, respected and cared for.

      I wish every husband would share his heart with his wife. That is the goal and ideal. My hope is to give some practical tools to equip wives in such a situation to be able to better understand their husbands and to be able to approach them in the most productive way.

      I don’t teach husbands – but there could be books written about all the ways a husband could come toward his wife in this area as well. 🙂

      THanks for the comment!

    2. Elena,

      There are MANY reasons why a man may not talk. It is important for a wife to discern what exactly is going on with her particular man. But – I personally have to keep as few expectations as possible. They get me into big trouble. One reader shared a quote “Expectations are premeditated resentment.” Yikes! So true!

      I have a number of posts on Expectations.

      A four part series here.
      And Expectations – Day 1 of The Respect Dare

      I also have a post my brother wrote about “When My Spouse is Wrong” that is very powerful.

      I believe that a wife (or a husband) is responsible before God to obey His Word and to continue showing love, patience, long-suffering, kindness, gentleness, goodness, faithfulness, self-control, etc… all the fruit of the Spirit and all of the agape unconditional love of God until death do us part. Or until the other spouse leaves.

      Ultimately – why am I loving and respecting my husband? To make him do what I want, so I will feel loved? Or am I doing it to please God?

      That is a huge question we must wrestle with on this journey to becoming godly wives. When I feel disappointed in my husband, it is my red flag to check my motives and to realign them so that I am only seeking to please God no matter what my husband does/does not do – and trust God to work in my husband.

      There is a lot of dying to self and waiting on God in this process!

      Also, we learn to find our contentment and security only in Christ. That is a precious thing to learn!!!

  6. Yeah, I read that earlier post about expectations and I heartily agree with it. It’s just that in my mind, there’s a difference between expecting a grand, sweeping gesture on a regular basis and assuming a simple standard of appropriate conduct and interaction will be maintained. I don’t expect roses and jewelry every day yet I assume my husband will take the time to talk with me each day even if he’s exhausted and even if it’s only 10-15 minutes of his time — just enough time to feel a connection.

    I imagine all women dream of having a lifelong companion the day they marry and sadly, it doesn’t always turn out that way. Again, I think back to my sister and her husband and it wasn’t that he wouldn’t talk with her very often. It was that he didn’t seem to want to be her companion. Every evening after work and dinner, he’d stay in his workshop until it was time for bed. Actually, he didn’t spend a lot of time with her while they dated and my family did point this out to her as a red flag of sorts.

    I also agree with you that waiting on God must be the answer in this type of situation. We certainly can’t get blood from a turnip (not saying husbands are turnips, lol).

    1. Elena,

      It would be so wonderful if every husband and wife did make time for each other and focus on meeting each other’s needs at some minimum level at least. It is very sad that so many people who are married are more lonely now than they ever were when they were single.

      I have a lot of lonely nights in my past. Those first 14 years of our marriage – I didn’t understand why Greg was shut down and so passive and unplugged. I can’t count the nights I cried and cried, begging God to change him. There were times he wouldn’t look at me, wouldn’t talk to me, wouldn’t touch me. I sometimes felt so utterly unloved and rejected. 🙁 I can definitely relate to your sister. There were months and even years at a time sometimes that Greg worked full time and then did renovations on our house until midnight or 1am 6 nights per week and didn’t talk with me.

      I didn’t handle it well.

      Now, I know he was trying to build me my dream house. Now, I know he always loved me. Now, I know he felt extremely disrespected by me even though he NEVER said a word that he felt wounded or that I had hurt him for those 14+ years.

      Now, he will talk to me every night and we have deep, emotional/spiritual conversations almost every day. But – it was not that way for a long time.

      My heart aches for wives who are in that kind of position.

      Husbands aren’t turnips – I totally understand what you are saying. 🙂

      Sometimes they are quiet because that is their personality. Sometimes they are hurting. Sometimes they were abused in the past and carry deep wounds they have never shared. Sometimes they feel like failures and try to go where they feel more successful – work, hobbies, their shop, the garage…

      Much love to you! 🙂

      Thank you for sharing your sister’s story.

  7. My husband partially fits into this category. Athome hhes not very talkative. He doesnt express his feelings verbally. But when you see him with others, hes perceived as the outgoing, fun guy. And the fact that he cant be that guy with me does sometimes bothers me. And lately, with our child starting his terrible twos, he seeks to get his fruatration out on me and I feel so disrespected. And when he does this, it just makes me wonder, goah hes so bad at expressing his love to me yet here he is expressing his fruatration on me so eastly.

    I dont know how to perceive this. I understand that he express his love by providing for the family, but I just feel like im no longer the woman he loves. I feel like he considers me a part of the family that he loves, but I barely see that personal relation as couples.

    We’re entering our 3rd year as married couple with 1 boy expecting another in a couple of months. I just feel like so much has changed in our relationship. Is this normal?

    1. Rebecca,

      This can be normal sometimes – especially if a man is feeling a bit inadequate as a husband or dad.

      Would you like to talk about what is going on?

      I’d be glad to listen and we could maybe think about some suggestions of ways you can approach him differently that may be helpful. 🙂

      aprilc@sc.rr.com

      I am going to be a bit less available the next 4 days than normal. But I will answer as soon as I can. 🙂 aprilc@sc.rr.com

  8. I’m an introvert and my wife is an extrovert. When we engage socially with other people, even church, afterward I’m just exhausted. She accepts that. We make it work. She knows that when I’m drained that I just can’t give much conversation and often she’ll just sit alongside me on the computer and read what I’m reading. Often we laugh together doing this.

    Two things I want to mention since I’ve had to endure both.
    If you want to talk, you should be just as willing to listen. I had a girlfriend that wanted my undivided attention but couldn’t be bothered to give it to me. It was a very unbalanced relationship.

    Also, if you want us to express our feelings, you must be prepared that you won’t like some of them. Men can be very reluctant to share what’s on their heart if they fear your response. Don’t expect only the feelings that will make you feel good.

  9. So my boyfriend and I have been discussing marriage for quite some time, and have actually picked a venue for a wedding next summer. He will need to save for a while to get a ring as we are in our last year of university and as a student he needs to budget accordingly, but we have plans to get married next summer.

    I honestly haven’t had a complaint about him until recently. I do think we fit together really well, and he has told me he thinks I’m his soulmate and that he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He has said so many wonderful things. However, he has times where he is very serious and quiet and not talkative, which is strange because he is more of an extrovert than I am. But these times where he is serious, hard to read and quiet really throw me for a loop. Sometimes we go for a 3 hour hike and he is talkative the whole time, but other times he is just QUIET. He has been in the military and is now a veteran. He went to Afghanistan but did not end up having PTSD thank God! So I’m wondering if this contributes to him clamming up like he does sometimes… He is an extrovert and loves hanging out with friends, and has a ton of charisma, and so sometimes he is talkative and lively and conversational, and other times he is serious and quiet and very hard to read.

    He does struggle with telling me how he feels at times. When we first started dating he would spew forth all these amazing things with no effort, but he operates under “if I have told you once, it wont change unless I tell you.” But I need to hear nice things all the time.

    Am I too needy? How do I change my expectations when words of affirmation are my love language? And what do I do about these very serious/quiet/stern times? He doesn’t show a lot of emotion on his face, so he is hard to read when he is like that. When we booked our wedding venue he didn’t really have an excited moment with me when I did my excited girlish scream thing…. I’m just scared that after we would get married he would just be stone cold quiet all the time…. :S I need some encouragement…

    1. Katelyn,

      It is great to meet you! I hope that you might be able to learn to accept his personality. Most likely there will be times when he is quiet like that. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love you. It may mean he has different moods.

      Is he feeling respected? Check out the posts I have at the top of my home page about respect and disrespect. If you believe you are showing him respect, then I vote to allow him to have different moods and not to let his quietness affect your mood. But just rest in his love and enjoy when he wants to talk but don’t pressure him to be in a different mood if he is quiet for awhile.

      You can learn to accept his personality and learn to re-interpret his silence if it truly just is that he is quiet sometimes. My prayer is that you would learn to be responsible for your own happiness and find your contentment in Christ no matter what he is or is not saying. Then you can be rock steady even if he is in a funk sometimes.

      What do you do and say when he is quiet?

      Does he say anything about wanting things to be different?
      Much love!

      1. Hey there,

        Thanks for the response! I actually just talked to him about it and in those quiet times he is not actually angry or having negative feelings about me or our relationship – sometimes he is just quiet and thoughtful. I don’t really understand that so much because I’m usually a talker, but I think i can relate it to sometimes I just need my alone time to be by myself. Sometimes he likes to just sit with me and be silent. After we talked it out I realized I should not take the silent times personally, its not about me its just the way he is sometimes. It was a big relief! I just told him when he is quiet and I ask him “What is on your mind?” To respond with something other than “not much,” but rather “school stuff that I’m studying,” or “work stuff,” or something at least a little specific so i know its not something about our relationship. Then I can ask him if he wants to talk about it, and sometimes he does, and other times he doesn’t. I feel a lot better now, and you are right I need to make sure I’m good and happy even if he is in a funk. We don’t have that many differences, but how we communicate is definitely different, but I think most men and women naturally communicate differently. So it’s been a journey and will continue to be a journey to learn how to communicate effectively with each other.

        -K

        1. K,
          Isn’t that the biggest relief!?! To realize he is just different and the silence isn’t hatred. I am so excited for you! Thank you for sharing this very insightful and productive conversation. I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for you both. 🙂

  10. Thank you so much for this infirmation! You just opened my eyes to see how wrong I being doing everything, no wonder why I always got the same bad results, but now I am going to try your suggestions, I being bless with a good, peaceful, quiet, hard working husband. And I want to be able to understand him and not nag, I always wanted to know how to communicate with him without causing him to shut down. And all that you have described is what I have done. But I never new what to do or how to fix it, or where to star. But you have just gaved me that, the knoleage to start a new beginning and many good tips to guide me throughout the changing process, and with the importance of God in mind. Thank you so so much! You have just change my life and my marriage! Thank you!

  11. Hello:
    I think this is the answer of my prayer from God to lead me to find this blog and have the courage to talk to you. I’ve read some of the comments here mostly they are related to my marriage story. I don’t know where to start because it’s complicated. And, I don’t know what to do: stay or leave. Stay will drive me insane, leave will afraid of making mistake. I just waiting for God’s answer. By the way, I have a question for you, how do I know what’s in his head if he doesn’t talk?? I’d like to help him but don’t know how?? please your reply. Thanks,

    1. Wian,

      It is a pleasure to meet you! You don’t know what is in a man’s head if he doesn’t talk. But, we women are often really bad at guessing how our men are truly thinking and feeling.

      Is he just introverted? Is that his personality?

      What was he like before you got married?

      Are you safe?

      Would you want to talk a bit about what is going on?

      How is your walk with Christ?

      Much love to you!!!

  12. I was led this morning to this particular blog. I have an amazing man who is my eternal companion. He is an amazing father and ecclesiastical leader at our church. Our story began 5 years before we married. Platonic friendship. Most of those years were spent on the phone or in letters as I was doing missionary work before we married. So I did get a lot of what was in his head through letters and phone conversations. We have now been married 20 years and we cycle around every few years to my need of needing more words of affirmation. I scored high in that love language and he scored high in physical touch, which I scored like a 1. Anyway… I was led here today to this blog and appreciate the reminders and understanding that the things he is doing are showing me love. He also understands my need for words of affirmation, but he always ends the sentence with ” I just need reminders” which makes me feel at times that it is a chore for him to do. I will pray that God will open my eyes more and like you said “turn to Christ to fill my needs”. This blog was inspired and I thank you sincerely for taking time to share your thoughts with us. It has helped me much this morning.

    1. Stacey,

      It is wonderful to meet you, my dear sister! What a blessing to me that God touched and inspired you through this post. 🙂 I am thankful for the way He uses beleivers to strengthen and build up one another.

      Thank you so much for sharing your heart! 🙂

  13. Its refreshing to know I’m not alone. I became a christian after him and I had two kids together. We got married and I had a 3rd. I have changed a lot in just a few months. Iv been trying to be a more submissive wife to a man who doesn’t seem to care about anything. Much like the woman above.. I’ll ask him what he wants for dinner and am often given a shrug. Or I’ll ask him to help with budget and he forgets, or help with ideas om disciplining the kids.. And I get nothing… I know he loves me, but we have both been abused in our past… I learned about his childhood from his mom, recently I realized almost everything I know about his past iv learned from his mom. Our relationship began as a sexual one and after sometime decided to make it official.. Wasn’t too much longer ibwas pregnant with my first. We have struggled financially together.. And are finally getting somewhere with finances. I went to a counselor for my problems that had stemmed from sexual abuse as a child.. And since iv healed a lot of wounds I find myself having a hard time feeling emotionally cut off by my husband… While I’m trying to have a more healthy idea of what sex is.. And what it means to me… In the mean time I feel empty after intimacy.. And used. We went to therapy together one time and he seemed like he was in defense mode and I could tell he was highly uncomfortable which made me highly uncomfortable… Iv been praying he opens up to me about something.. I’d love if he opened up to me more about God. Were changing denominations and I really hoped to be more supportive of each other thru the change, but seems every time I bring it up he just nods… Its heart breaking. And I feel like my marriage is going to fall apart. I know iv changed a lot after healing so many wounds.. I used to be emotionally cut off as well so these things never bothered me.. But the more I heal the more I NEED to feel emotionally attached to my husband. Or I just feel used all over again….

    1. koko081012,

      Oh goodness, my sweet sister! How my heart breaks for the pain and abuse you have both been through. 🙁 I cannot begin to imagine what that does to a person’s heart, mind, and soul.

      I want you to be able to feel connected to your husband. Right now, it sounds to me like your husband is extremely wounded and has so many scars, he can barely function. Perhaps sex is a way for him to feel emotionally and spiritually connected to you? I don’t know his heart – but I know this is true for many husbands. With the abuse he suffered, I am not sure how he has been impacted.

      Here is the awesome news – whether your husband changes or not – God can meet those needs you have for emotional and spiritual connection in ways no husband ever could – not even the best husband in the world.

      We will trust God to heal your husband. But you can be content in any circumstances – whether you feel greatly connected to your husband or not – because of Christ who gives you strength. Phil. 4:12-13.

      I know that you cannot heal your husband. I know you cannot change your husband. But I do know you can be totally content in Christ.

      Greg was very shut down when I began this journey. Very, very shut down. It took 3.5 YEARS for him to feel safe with me again. And he had no history of any kind of abuse. During that long time of drought and lack of connection with my husband – I learned to depend on Christ alone for my contentment, fulfillment, purpose, identity, joy, and peace. You can do this, too. You can’t force your husband to change. You can’t make him connect with you. You can ask for what you would like respectfully as God prompts you to. You can seek to bless your husband and be on his team, being a safe haven and shelter for him. But – you cannot make him heal.

      I would love to invite you to search some terms on my home page search bar and read the posts – let me know what God speaks to you – I believe there is much healing here for you:

      – idol
      – idolatry
      – discontentment
      – contentment
      – answer to all of your marriage problems
      – stay filled with the Holy Spirit
      – godly femininity
      – husband emotion
      – husband shut down
      – lead
      – leader
      – feel like a piece of meat
      – respect husband father

      And, if you haven’t, you may want to check out the posts about disrespect and respect at the top of my home page.

      Has your husband ever opened up to anyone?
      Is he very introverted?
      What does he do to connect or have fun?
      Is it possible he connects without words?

      Much love to you!

  14. Thanks for this article…. before reading your post i was really in a bad state….now feeling better.

    i’ m almost into depression that my husband doesn’t care n talk to me. Well he was never a talkative person and never understands things on its own. he needs to be told n asked for everything, whereas i was thinking now as we are married for 6 years he should have learn, what i think n what i want. but i was wrong. Nothing has changed in these years, he is still the same man, need to told for everything in life. In one of the top comments i read ” throwing the conversation back into my court to carry alone”… is my everyday story.

    my husband is a gud person and father of my 2.5 yr son …but i wish could have found a companion too in him. I feel very lonely at times, as if i staying with my roommate n not somebody i married for life. But i fact is i love him n there is no looking back.

    I loved this line in your article – ” God created the woman to be the husband’s helpmeet. Not the other way around ”. I think this i m going to remind myself everyday before i start my day, so that i don’t expect anything from my dear husband and feel depressed.

    I’m going to go through your article n blog time n again for not feeling lonely with the most introvert man in this world.

    –Regards, Madhu

    1. Madhu,

      It is wonderful to meet you!

      He was never a talkative person and never understands things on its own – do you mean that he has always been very private and that he prefers time alone and that he doesn’t tend to read people’s minds about what they would want?

      So you believe that if you need to ask him to do something for you, that means that he doesn’t love you?

      A lot of men don’t read our minds well – but are happy to do things if we ask respectfully. Would that be the case with your husband?

      What are the ways he does show love? Maybe he does things for you quietly? Like help with something around the house or work to provide well for the family, or pick up something you need at the store, or take care of you when you are sick?

      Some men are not very talkative. That is their personality. But they are not wrong to be quiet.

      Did you expect your husband to change his personality after getting married? If so, why?

      I would love to invite you to search my home page for “expectations” and check out the posts about that subject. I think it may be helpful.

      How is your walk with Christ?

      He is able to fill up your heart in ways a man never could! I think this post might be a blessing to you.

      Much love!!!

      April

  15. 🙂 Imagine 2 introverts together. Well, we certainly have a peaceful home.
    He was a puzzle to me as all other men I dated were very verbal.
    I met him in his mid 40’s and he had never been married or lived with anyone, so he was used to occupying himself and being independent. So was I, as a divorcee who spent nearly 2 decades single (children raised)..I am older than he is.
    I missed the emotional connection very much but time soon made it apparent that he loved me very deeply and dearly thro his actions, his attentions to my preferences, his thoughtfulness and foresight for me
    .
    We see a family/marriage therapist once a month because I have bipolar..but we rarely discuss that anymore. She is secular but, nevertheless, an amazing lady.
    I clearly remember the day she winked at me and said she would get him to talk. And she did.
    We have coffee together and he is always available to listen when I ask.
    We both still have some deep seated issues about emotional conversation and connection. But that is ok, we are still growing.

    I also think it took time for him to trust me deep in his heart, but respect, honoring and uplifting him, truly listening, being affectionate, SUPPORTIVE is making him feel safe.

    Being an introvert myself, I must open up more and be available.

    Our sex life is lacking, but I believe in God that He is doing a healing work in us and this will be resolved when the time is right.

    I am really starting to scan myself to look for me being controlling in subtle ways. I reckon I will be doing a lot of internal cleaning house.

    The big change I have made is going to bed at the same time he does. And having coffee ready in the morning. (He used to do coffee duty..but I am up first, so it is very silly, passive and helpless to wait on him)

    1. Tena,

      Thank you for sharing about your marriage and the things you are learning. 🙂 I love your heart for God.

      As wives, we tend to either lean toward being controlling/disrespectful or toward being afraid/passive/too submissive. Either of those extremes is destructive. Not all wives have issues with control – but a lot do.
      I am sure God will give you clarity and wisdom. 🙂

      Going to bed at the same time is a WONDERFUL idea! I think that is ideal and such a blessing. And I love that you have coffee ready for him. So sweet.

      Thanks for sharing!

  16. I read this article today because I, like many other responders, struggle every day with a husband that doesn’t talk much, doesn’t communicate well and has overall become like a roommate. He is a great man and a great father. I’ve read all of the comments and the responses and although I can appreciate the angle of being more in tuned with your spouse and WHY they are that way, at what point does the introvert husband meet the extrovert wife halfway? This all seems like it’s put on the wife to change and be more understanding of the husband’s needs. But at what point are the wives’ needs being met? What I have found is that when I work hard to be more understanding of why my husband is a certain way and cater to that, 1.) he still continues to be who he is and 2.) now I resent who I have become. At the end of the day, it’s not fair for anyone to have to cater to any one person to the point where they are now not happy with themselves. A marriage is 50/50.

    1. Macy,

      I understand your frustration. I actually spent the first 14.5 years of our marriage focusing on what I believed my husband should change and what he should do differently. Unfortunately, I only pushed him farther away with this approach. He became increasingly shut down and passive.

      I used to think I should be able to make him change and tell him what to do and that he should do what I said. I thought he was wrong for being so quiet. I thought he was unloving. In my case, my husband shut down a lot because I was inadvertently disrespecting him on a daily basis and he didn’t feel safe with me.

      Sometimes, a husband is very quiet because that is his personality. In that case, I don’t think it is right for a wife to want him to change his personality. We can respectfully ask for what we would like – but we cannot force our husbands to do what we want. Does that make sense? If this was always his personality, why would we expect a man to change for us?

      If this is not his usual personality, but he is depressed or hurting – perhaps God might use us to bless our husbands and to help them begin to heal as we love, honor, and respect the good that we see in them.

      We can talk about what husbands “should” do all day long. But the truth is – we only control ourselves. We can’t make our husbands do anything. If we try to change them – we will make ourselves and our husbands really miserable. God changes people. We don’t. We can influence them. We can pray for them. We can become the wives God calls us to be. God commands wives to respect and honor their husbands without qualification in Eph. 5:22-33. And He commands husbands to love their wives without qualification in the same passage. God doesn’t say, “Love 50%.” Or “Respect your husband if you think he deserves it.” It is, “Wives must respect your husbands.” And “Husbands must love your wives.” We will each stand before God alone to give an account for our own obedience no matter what our husbands were doing or not doing.

      We must each seek to give 100% to Jesus and to honor and submit to Him fully in every area of our lives – including our marriages. It is not a 50/50 thing like the world says. In God’s economy, I give 100% of myself to my marriage without strings attached.

      We can be content in Christ even if our husbands are very quiet and withdrawn. Our happiness is not God’s greatest goal for us. Our holiness and our walk with Him is our greatest goal. The pain of having a very quiet husband can be a catalyst that God uses to draw you to Himself and to help you see that no human can meet the deepest needs of your soul, but Jesus can!

      When we are filled with His Spirit, we can be truly content and full of great joy and peace in any circumstances. This is the Treasure I long for all people to find!

      I am praying for you today! Much love to you!!

      The Answer to All of Your Marriage Problems
      Why Do I Have to Change First?
      I Am Responsible for Myself Spiritually
      The Idol of Happiness
      How to Make Your Husband an Idol

      1. Peacefulwife, I need your advise, I hope you’re still checking this blog. I’m an introverted man and my wife complains to me a lot saying that I don’t talk, that the marriage is all about communication, a two way thing and that she’s always the only one talking. We’ve been married for 8 years. She says she feels deceived because I used to talk more when we were dating but I just think that, at that time I was just at school, didn’t have many responsibilities! I had all the time in the world to try to come up with things to try to impress her, or to keep her entertained, to try to be funny, but she’s been always more talkative than I. I express my love for her in a different way. I am a good helper. Helping others makes me feel good and accomplished. I’ve always helped her with the kids (we have 2), around the house, with her studies. I don’t just help her when she ask. I always do things like the laundry and the bathrooms. I think she got so used to me doing these things all the time that these don’t count anymore. I’ve always tried to be, not the perfect man because only Jesus can, but since I was younger I’ve always tried to possess the qualities that many women complain men don’t have, being a good listener, help her in whatever she needs, be kind to her and treat her with respect, trusting her and giving her space. She has had mainly two complaints about be: that I am too silent and that she is the only one that talks, that I don’t cook and that I don’t have any sexual desires, the latter one meaning we don’t have sex too often, sometimes Just like three times per month. She says men are always into it. I recognize that, in this aspect, when she shows interest, I get into it but many times I’m just too tired or it’s too late and have to work early etc. Also if she’s been in a complaining mode, well that’s not exciting at all.

        But the main issue is the communication. When we go to her parents house I don’t talk much either and she complains. Her father is more talkative than her mother. He is the one who would give my mother in law ideas of what to cook, he is the one who would even decorate the house, because his wife is rather plain and simple, like, not creative at all. Anyway, I think my wife complains because she grew up in an environment where her dad was very talkative, used to be a teacher at church on Sundays and many many people love him. But I grew up in an environment where my mother was a lot more talkative than my father. He was always out working, always provided.

        Last night my wife said she wanted to divorce me because of the communication and that she have told me that so many times and I don’t improve and she’s tired etc.

        Reading this post and the replies from many women makes me feel a lot more normal than my wife thinks I am. Makes me wonder, what has she done aside from complaining and demanding? I don’t think she has done any research on this like all women in this blog have done, what has she done for me to feel valued in the relationship? I’m starting to think that If I see a psychologist or a counselor, I would come up to the conclusion that I’m more normal than she thinks.

        I’m sorry for the long post, please ladies, I would greatly appreciate your advice, thanks.

        1. Virgil,

          It sounds to me like what may be happening could be that your wife’s expectations are for you to be someone different from who you are – that you would be more like her dad, or more like how men are portrayed in the media, etc…

          Sex once a week or so is within the range of normal – I have also seen that many men who are feeling very stressed, exhausted, or very disrespected tend to have a lower drive, as well. Of course, there could also be medical issues going on, or side effects of a medication or something.

          I used to feel very much like your wife seems to feel and my husband is a lot like you – personality wise, and how he expresses love. I expected my husband to be the same as me. I expected him to think, emote, talk, express himself, process ideas/feelings just like I do. I had no idea how different men and women are and – of course – there are individual personality differences, as well.

          From what you are describing, it doesn’t seem to me that divorce is necessary. It seems that some information about how men think and about men’s needs – and some information about how women think and women’s needs – and maybe some godly mentoring or counseling would be extremely healing for you both.

          It is my experience that most women today don’t understand men – we have bought the lie from our culture that because men and women are equal in value (which is true) that we are the same (which is false).

          Books that helped me greatly:

          For Women Only by Shaunti Feldhahn (although, lower drive husbands may want to specifically address the chapter about men being visual, because that chapter seems to be talking about men with higher drive or higher testosterone levels. Some men don’t have as much of an issue with visual temptation as others, and I think wives need to know that).

          The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands Dr Laura Schlessinger (not a Christian book, but still very helpful).

          How to Listen So Your Husband Will Talk and Talk So Your Husband Will Listen by Rick Johnson – great insights for women into how men think and process.

          I have a number of posts here that may be helpful, as well. You are welcome to search my home page for:

          – introvert
          – space
          – lead
          – leader
          – how to make your husband an idol
          – expectations
          – security
          – contentment

          Lots of men use my blog to “reverse engineer” things in their own marriages. I believe you and your wife may both be able to find healing here. I am not sure if you have ever explained things in words to your wife about the way you show love, but that may be really helpful for her to hear you talk about how you try to serve her and show her respect. Respect is often not on a woman’s radar. Sometimes when husbands are being respectful, wives feel unloved. But sometimes wives think they are being loving, and they come across disrespectfully. There is often a great gap in our understanding as wives. We tend to think husbands need love like we do. We tend not to realize what disrespect even is or to notice how mainstream it is for wives to disrespect their husbands now.

          I believe the issues y’all have can be cleared up as you are both willing to do some research and heart work.

          I hope this info might be helpful. 🙂

          In Christ,
          April

  17. Hello,
    I need your advice please. My husband is an introvert and has always been so ever since we met. However, we had a very interesting and romantic first encounter which made us both think that it was destiny! As a result, we were in a long distance relationship for 1.5 years during which time I thought we had to make a decision either to be together, i.e to get married or go separate ways as it seemed more like a holiday relationship rather than a normal one.. At the time we met he had been divorced from his first wife for 1.5 years.. He said while he was married he realised he never wanted to marry as he was not ‘a marriage person’… Nevertheless, when I left him alone as he asked later on he begged me to forgive him as he realised what I meant to him after I’d left him.. Anyway, he asked me to get back and marry him and he was ready for it.. After 1.5 years of being together we got married which implied that he’d change his country to come and live with me in another country.. He moved over almost a year ago.. The first 6 months he couldn’t find a job, after finding one he’s now not happy that he has to drive for 2 hours each way and by the time comes home he’s is exhausted and doesn’t want to do anything.. As a result, we interact very little and spend little time together because he is either not in a good mood or tired or has a headache.. He also tries to avoid talking about it and he doesn’t like confronting issues.. A few times that I offered to go out after work he did a favour and as a result we ended up not talking to each other at all which is even worse than not doing smth together.. I am at a crossroad now – I feel like nothing’s going to change and it scares me off as the thought of filing for a divorce visits me quite often these days.. Every time I try to make a conversation he does a favour of listening but doesn’t say much in return and I feel ignored, upset and angry.. I also feel guilty of my thoughts because he had to give up a lot to be with me and now I can’t leave him or tell my thoughts openly because he’s in a foreign country and he doesn’t have anyone here except me.. I want this relationship to work but I feel like I am in this alone. I am ready to do anything it takes but most of the time I feel like he’s not interested and there’s only so much I can do and unless I get his attention this relationship m isn’t going to work.. I don’t know what to do, I am so totally confused..

    1. Julia,

      Goodness, that sounds very difficult. 🙁

      Before we begin to address the issues with your marriage, would you be up for a spiritual check-up? My philosophy is that as a wife is as close as possible to Christ, He empowers her and gives her wisdom about how to handle trials and how to pour healing and life into a hurting marriage.

      Much love to you in Christ!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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