From a dear wife – who has been going through an extremely difficult time in her marriage and has given me permission to share. Ladies, you may need tissues for this one!
Although I have been a Christian since I was 7 years old, attended church all but one of my 41 years, taught every age group of Sunday School and Bible School . ..I never realized until 3 nights ago that Jesus wears a wedding ring for me, identifying me as His bride. You know, as part of the “Bride of Christ” we’ve heard lessons and sermons about and thought “Oh, that’s a nice illustration.”
Let me tell you how graciously He told me about His wedding ring.
It was three nights ago that I was facing the most grueling of all personal hell I have known since the turmoil in my marriage ensued, dropping the darkest, most hopeless veil over me I have ever felt. So exhausted from what felt like the never ending battle. I had just had a screaming fit on God the day before as I paced the floors of my house alone as usual. I told him I was tired of hearing all the “love” speeches, tired of being quoted and reading scripture, tired of having to be the spiritual leader in my home, tired of crying every single day, tired of hearing how He came to give me an abundant life because being ignored as my husband backed up and took a running shot to run over my hemorrhaging carcus again was no way, no how any kind of a abundance other than abundant hell.
I had been faithful and respectful. A true helpmeet. Yet God just kept giving him more free passes and he was burning through them all. I felt like I was past the point of no return hearing the “I don’t love you like a wife and that is not going to change” speech…. AGAIN with his cold, glaring eyes as if he was enjoying it had finally hit my snap line. I even said at least God let me dream better than this when I was a little girl. At least I had no clue then of the mind-shattering pain I know now.
My worst fear has always been abandonment and that’s exactly the road God had dumped me off on in my mind.
So, I told Him to take all His promises and leave me alone….and I half way meant it.
But you know the whole time during my rant I could almost hear Him say “I can take it.”
Not long after that I found myself crying on His shoulder again. In the wee hours of the morning He was quietly providing the shoulder that was big enough to take my insults and comfort me anyway. As I quietened down lying there with the human “block of ice” next to me,
God began to speak.
He had patiently waited all day to get a word in. No speeches, no lectures, no demands. He gently reminded me of how He wants my love and devotion first and foremost even more than I give to husband or children and will accept nothing less. I knew that. How many times has that been said and taught.
“Yea God, I know that but I’m kinda hurting right now and I’d like to just die, ok?“
As I lay there in soaking wet sheets from unending tears, I was contemplating all the little things I would miss about my husband despite all the hurt if we ended our marriage. One of the things I love about my husband is his hands. I absolutely love the way his hands look and the way they feel on my skin. Most especially I love the way my wedding ring looks on his hand.
Instantly I saw a picture in my mind of Jesus’ hand with a hole in the center that was healed but definitely marked. He said to me “You are my bride and I bear this ring that I will never take off to prove it. Even if your husband takes his off, the proof that you are mine and I’m in love with you can not be changed.” At that moment Jesus’ hands became so much more important to me. I knew all that to begin with but oh what it took to cause my “Christian heart” to soak it up and understand.
Now I’m not going to say all is fixed in my house tonite, but I am going to say that despite the fact that I threw a fit, announced my divorce from Him the day before and, and sought to abandon Him because I didn’t want to love him like my God anymore.. He still keep my ring on and claimed me as His bride.
I did the same thing to Him that my husband was doing to me in telling me that he didn’t love me like a wife and was taking my precious ring for granted. No Jesus didn’t throw any fits on me…. just did that thing He does best….welcomed me back as His dear bride and the best parts of it is He will never throw it up to me even if I fail again and ……the ring is not coming off.
Jesus… He was right on time, again.