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Baby Steps

This is an email from a wife (with her permission) – I think it may be very encouraging to those of you who are beginning the journey to become a godly wife – to learn to submit to and respect your husband and most of all to ultimately learn to reverence and submit to Christ!
Thank you for asking….I think I am good…I continue to work on respecting my husband and being patient.  The respecting part really has been a pretty smooth transition for me…it is the patience and making sure that my prayers for my husband are not  intended for my own gain…(not for what I want him to change but) that I am actually praying for my husband’s leadership and growth.  This is the hardest part for me…
Some success stories from the past week:
1. We went to the local grocery store on Saturday morning…never would have been my choice but DH wanted to.…the place was a mad house to say the least…now in the past the trip very likely could have become stressful.
I held my tongue and allowed DH to choose things without my comments on the cost, brand or quantity.  As we went to checkout  DH chose the self-checkout…again not my first choice due to all the produce we had in the cart…not fun to enter all those individual codes. Typically I would have jumped in and took over…I am far the superior cashier:)  But instead I walked to the end of the lane and did not say a word besides helping to bag and contain our six year old. 
I was amazed to watch as my husband calmly went through the items in the cart, he actually figured it all out without my help:)  As we walked out of the store I complimented him on his check out skills…I swear I witnessed him almost stand taller…he smiled and laughed and said,  “I did well, didn’t I?”
Ok, so I know this is minor in the whole picture of things but the thing that stuck out in my mind is how this very minor incident set the tone for our whole dayDH walked away feeling good and it stayed with us all for hours.  Now in the past we would have not been in a full argument or anything but we both could have walked away feeling stressed and irritated with each other due to my need to try and take over the situation.
2. We live in a very small neighborhood and our neighbors are good friends.   DH and I try to do date night every couple of months but truthfully the cost of the babysitter can deter us from going out at times.  I started thinking last week – why do we all just keep sitting around on Saturday night in our separate houses attempting to entertain our children when we could pool our resources and give everyone a little break.  So I first asked DH if he was on board….typically I would have planned and then told him what I was up to….he agreed to my little plan.
I talked with the other wives in the neighborhood with small children and now we have scheduled date night for all couples for the next three months with free babysitting….here is how it works…we picked a Saturday in December that is free for all families…one family is designated as the stay home couple…the other two couples are free to spend a Saturday evening however they desire.  The stay home couple will provide dinner, entertainment (which truthfully with our kiddos is only supervision at this point they entertain each other), movie and snacks.  We picked numbers out of a hat….we picked the first night home.  DH comment when I told him, “You may just end up saving everyone’s marriage, this is one of your best ideas yet:)
3. I think the other thing that sticks out in my mind over the last couple of weeks is how many times in the past I have pressured and stressed about the time it was taking my husband to make a decision when truthfully he was just thinking it over in his own way.  I cannot tell you how many times I have asked my DH in the last few weeks a question, not a big decision ie, “What time do you want to leave for my parents on Thanksgiving.?”  My husband will respond, “I am not sure let me think about it.”  I have in the past gotten frustrated and impatient, really how hard is this.  Now I catch myself, remind myself that this is just how he is processes and let it go.  So much more peaceful on both of our ends…and the world has not even come to an end:)

9 thoughts on “Baby Steps

  1. Hello my friend. It was not my thyroid. I got my results back on Wednesday. The levels were perfect.

    Bad news…i went to hospital on Thursday night for severe headaches and pressure, dizziness, and balance. They found a tumor the size of a gulf ball in my brain. As if now they think it’s not cancerous.

    I’m in the hospital. Surgery to remove the tumor is scheduled for Tuesday.

    I’m in good spirits because of God’s grace. Please pray for me and put me on your prayer team’s list.

    My husband has been staying every night. He is very concerned. Pray for him and the kids also.

    Thank you 😀

    Lisa Colon, Psalm 40:1-3, From my mobile device ________________________________

    1. Trophy of Grace,

      Oh no!!!! Wow! I am in shock! I am so sorry, Lisa. 🙁 I’m very glad that it appears to be operable and will send this request to the prayer team ASAP.

      Praying for God’s greatest glory, for Him to use this to bring honor to Himself and praying for unity in your marriage and family and for God’s supernatural peace to sustain you and your husband. Praying you will be able to rest in God’s love and sovereignty and trust and praise Him each step of the way.

      How is your pain level?

      Would you want me to post this request on FB, too?

      MUCH LOVE my precious sister!

  2. Dear Lord, Please remember our sister during this very challenging period. We cover her with the bloood of Jesus. Let grace and mercy abound toward her. We ask for a smooth and successful surgery, and a speedy recovery. The glory will be yours and yours only. In Jesus’ name.

  3. Thanks for the “Baby Steps” note. It is truly amazing when we really get it that guys and gals can process things differently. I recall years ago when we were on our way home from church, as we pulled out of the parking lot, my wife told me she would like for me to paint our kitchen. I told her ok and started thinking about when might be a good time to do that. Well, a couple of minutes later as we drove past the local Home Depot, my wife, in an exasperated tone, asked what I was doing. She had expected me to go directly to the Home Depot and buy the paint then and to start painting the kitchen that afternoon. That could not have been farther from my mind. Paint the kitchen that afternoon — when the Redskins were playing the much despised Cowboys. Anyway, that led to a wonderful discussion about expectations — how we were on different wavelengths. Just coming to the realization that we thought differently about how and when things should get done made a world of difference — a lesson that has prevented a multitude of misunderstandings since that day.

    1. Ronfurg,

      I appreciate you sharing that example! Sometimes a wife’s timetable tends to be “now” and husbands don’t always run on that same timetable. I actually appreciate my husband having a slower timetable now and stretching me – it helps me learn to wait on him and wait on God. Now is not always best! I couldn’t see that in the past, but I definitely can now.

      I appreciate your insights and wisdom greatly!

      You are a blessing – I know many wives will benefit from what you share

  4. Thanks for posting this! I just wrote a post on the different types of husbands, and put just a teensy bit of what is going on in my life, but the act of submission is different than I thought it was. I thought I was submissive for the last 5 years of our marriage, and we are in the ministry, so I SHOULD be the example, but I am just now realizing that submission is involved in every response I have to my husband. It is, in fact, a difficult journey. Thank you for your example!

    1. I can’t wait to read your post! Respect and submission involve MUCH MORE than most women could even imagine! It is a difficult and wonderful journey. 🙂 Thanks for your comments! I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for your life and your marriage.

  5. This is a great piece. I learnt that when you let your man be and stop trying to corral him or act like his mother, and trust him, he will rise to the challenge.. In truth, how would WE feel if our husbands were nagging us all the time? We women can dish it out but we wouldn’t be able to take it :). Thanks for the write-ups, Amy.

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