Today’s post is an email I received from a wife I talked with a few months ago. She was still deeply hurting and grieving over the sudden loss of her teenage son 4 years ago. She had learned about respect before – but “lost ground” during her grief – very understandably!
This precious wife was STUCK. She was angry with God. She was bitter towards her husband. The question that really began to turn the lights on spiritually for her was, “Is it possible that you may have grieved the Holy Spirit?”
I could hear the self-pity and bitterness in her heart and knew that she had grieved God’s Spirit. And – in that moment, she began to see the problem. She was dry and without God’s peace, joy and the fruit of the Spirit because she was hanging onto bitterness and unforgiveness. When she repented – His power began to flood her soul again. Nothing brings me greater joy than to get to witness one of my sisters reach that critical point of brokenness and humility and then see the Niagra Falls of heaven pour into her soul! I just never get tired of that! It’s pretty addictive – watching God work miracles like that.
HER DESCRIPTION OF WHERE SHE WAS SPIRITUALLY THE PAST 4 YEARS:
I had let my brokenness morph into something so unhealthy that I had just gotten shackled up tight in a stronghold of self-pity and bitterness. When I felt like I was further spiritually than my husband, even that had a root of “poor me, my son died and I can’t even be married to a man who loves me and leads me like Christ. Poor me, my life is so hard. Guess God just uses me as some kind of martyr type… etc. You get it… on and on with self-pity and bitterness. And God has showed me what a deep, ugly sin self-pity is. And bitterness too, but the self-pity thing was a surprise to me how ugly it can be in God’s sight.
THE EMAIL SHE SENT ME AFTER WE HAD SPOKEN:
Hey! I thought I would share my latest blog with you. It is a start at processing all God is showing me since we talked yesterday. I know that I have grieved the Holy Spirit in the context of my relationship, too, I just know that between me and God is the beginning. I am finally ready to truly apologize to my husband and ask for forgiveness (for being disrespectful, unforgiving and controlling). I plan to get specific with my sin with no explanation so he won’t misinterpret it as justification. I can’t believe it! Yesterday, I still wasn’t ready. I knew if I said it, I still wouldn’t mean it. But, today… FREEDOM!!
I am feeling wonderful!! It’s like a floodgate of JOY has been released in my spirit!! I am so NEW!! I know it! I had almost given up on feeling LIFE like this again since my son died. It is unbelievable! After 4 years, the last 2 of those with me begging God to heal me yet rebelling somehow all at the same time… I am FREE! I know it. I don’t expect it to be perfect from here… I will still have PMS days, and days where I have to take lies captive… but something is most definitely new!!
Oh my! This Scripture just popped in my mind….
“See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness and streams in the wasteland.” Isaiah 43:19
Oh the joys of hiding Scripture in your heart for God to pull out just when He wants to speak to you!! He just absolutely confirmed that He is doing a new thing… right here, right now, again! I am in an oasis! And oh how good it feels after years of my spirit being so dry!
As far as the fumble… I just flat out owned it and apologized. Hmmm… imagine that?! 🙂 It wasn’t horrible, but I want him to know and SEE the changes in me. He is already noticing that something is up! 😉
All I can say is thank you, thank you, thank you, April!! For being obedient to His call to change your own marriage and then letting the Lord use you the way you do to help Him change others!
It almost seems too simple that the first time we talked that the Lord worked such a breakthrough in me, but oh you just have no idea how long I have begged, and wrestled, and fought, and well… you get the idea. I am just so blessed!! And our precious God is just so WILD and GOOD!!!