Let’s say your husband is exhausted after a brutal day at work but you would like to spend time together. It’s 3 hours before his normal bedtime and he says he’s heading to bed.
A Few Questions to Consider
- What approaches do you think might be a blessing to him, reminding him how glad he is to be married to you?
- And what approaches could you take that would honor the Lord with your attitude and heart?
- Which approaches would you appreciate if the situation were reversed?
A Wife’s Options in Response to a Tired Husband
1. She could focus on what she wants without any empathy or concern for him:
- What do you mean you’re tired?! I want to spend time with you!!! How could you be so selfish and want to go to bed instead of spending time with me?
- Oh, no! You owe me! We didn’t spend time together last night so I don’t care how exhausted you are.
- We’re doing what I want to do tonight. You’re staying up three more hours and you’re going to enjoy it and make me feel loved.
- If I’m not happy, you have to do what I say.
- It’s your job to make me happy, whatever it takes. I don’t care that you feel like you’ve been hit by a truck.
2. She could say nothing but silently resent him and think bitter or accusatory thoughts in her heart:
- If he loved me, he would stay up longer.
- It’s ridiculous for him to want to go to bed so early.
- This isn’t fair. I want his attention.
- I need time to connect and my needs are legitimate.
- He needs to sacrifice for me.
- I don’t care how he is feeling. What about my feelings?
- I want emotional connection.
- I want physical intimacy.
- I want to cuddle.
- I want to feel loved.
- Why doesn’t he love me?
- Why would he abandon me like this?
3. She could potentially address her needs/feelings a bit while being sensitive to his:
- Maybe I’ll head for bed early, too, and we could cuddle for a few minutes while you fall asleep.
- Would you like a back massage while you drift off to sleep? (Then she may pray over him while rubbing his back.)
- I understand you’re tired. I’m sad that we won’t get to spend time together, but I know you need to rest. It’s okay.
4. She could choose to be selfless, giving, and loving — showing concern for his needs:
- What can I do to help? Is there anything I can take off of your shoulders?
- It’s fine if you need to go to bed. Get some rest. I love you.
- I totally understand. Love you, Babe. I’ll give you some space.
- I’ll keep the kids occupied downstairs so you can sleep.
- Thanks for working so hard to provide for us. Love you. Sweet dreams. (Kiss and hug)
5. She can find other healthy outlets for herself:
- I can get some extra time with God tonight. It will be great!
- I’ll make some extra special time for the kids.
- This would be the perfect time to catch up on calling extended family or friends.
- I could go for a long walk and enjoy the sunset and pray.
- I could bake brownies for the new neighbors and surprise them.
- I could work on finishing a baby blanket for the pregnancy crisis center.
- I’ve been wanting some time to read a new book.
- I could take a relaxing bath in another area of the house and listen to music.
- I could work on that short story I have wanted to finish.
- I could write some emails to extended family or lonely friends.
- I could see if the young wife across the street would like to go for a walk with me.
- I will write my husband a sweet short note for later, telling him how much I appreciate him.
- I’ll add to my gratitude journal.
Which options sound best to you?
Any other suggestions you’d like to share?
Much love! ❤️