Let’s say your husband is in a bad mood for a day or two. You aren’t completely sure why. But he seems grumpy and irritable. The temptation here is to assume he is upset with you and to get upset, yourself. Or to let his dark mood drag you down into a pit of irritability, anxiety, and discouragement, too.
But I have great news! You don’t have to let his emotions and moods drag you down.
You are each responsible for your own emotional and spiritual wellbeing before the Lord. You are responsible TO your husband (and even more so to the Lord) for the way you treat your man but you are not responsible FOR your husband’s emotions or spiritual health.
Each of you is responsible for your own motives, attitudes, thoughts, words, and actions to God.
You don’t have to be codependent with your husband or enmeshed emotionally. You can separate your spirituality and emotions from his in your thinking. (If you need more help with this, let me know, I have numerous resources on my blog.
Tips for When Your Husband Is In a Bad Mood
If he is upset, you can take several approaches depending on your husband’s personality and the situation:
1. Lighten the mood. Approach him with a sense of humor and see if you can diffuse the situation.
2. Apologize if you have done something wrong. If you know you have sinned against him or done something to upset him, you can respectfully and briefly apologize without justifying anything you did wrong. “I want to apologize for my harsh words a few minutes ago. That is not the kind of wife I want to be. I want to treat you well. Please forgive me.”
3. Ask him if he is okay. If he says he is, believe him and continue about your day realizing that some days are harder than others and everyone has some bad days. It’s part of life.
4. Don’t assume the worst. Don’t assume he is upset with you if he hasn’t specifically stated that he is and you don’t know of anything you did that was hurtful. It may not be about you at all. It could be something at work, a spiritual struggle of his, an issue with his parents, or something else.
5. Pray for him and invite God to give him wisdom and healing.
6. Give him space—especially if he is really upset and usually needs to internally process emotions. Some guys need to process things on their own for a while and get more upset if people try to disturb them during this time. He may not be able to articulate his feelings at first. He may be okay in a few hours or in a day or two.
7. Be there for him if he wants to talk. Don’t offer unsolicited advice. Just try to listen and be encouraging unless he asks for your perspective or wisdom.
8. Journal your feelings and/or pray to God and invite Him to help you distinguish between your husband’s bad mood and your emotions. Remember that you decide what you think and feel and that you can choose to be joyful and peaceful in Christ even when your husband is having a bad day.
9. Be a blessing. Ask God to help you see how you could be a blessing to your husband or take some stress off of his shoulders.
10. Rest in the love and promises of Christ.
11. Sing praises to God in your car or outside or in another part of the house where he won’t be disturbed.
12. Focus on gratitude
13. Do something you enjoy, if possible, if he needs some time to himself.
14. Express your faith in his abilities to figure things out. This can be a huge encouragement to him as a man.
15. Smile at him when you see him. You have a lot more power to bless him with your smile than you may know.
16. Ask him directly. Sometime when he is not in a bad mood, gently and respectfully ask him what he would appreciate most when he is having a bad day.
17. What did his family do? Notice what his mom does for him when he is feeling down. He may respond well to a similar approach from you if he has a healthy relationship with her.
18. Affection/Intimacy—Maybe a back rub would help. Or suggest a bath together. Or encourage him to relax with you and enjoy some time for intimacy. (For a lot of husbands, this can make a huge difference in their mood.)
Please give us Your wisdom to respond rightly when our husbands are discouraged, anxious, afraid, or just having a bad day. Help us to be a blessing to them straight from You.
Have you found any tips to retain your joy in the Lord even when your husband is having a bad day? Or about how to be a blessing to your husband when he is feeling discouraged or down?
We’d love to hear about it!
Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
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Thank you for this beautiful post April. Also, genuine compliments make a difference. I think as women we sometimes forget that our husbands have off days too~ their own versionn of pms. Giving space is key. I agree with everything you have pointed out here. God bless.
Yes! Being genuine is so important. No husband wants his wife to be fake. Sharing real things we admire and respect about them is encouraging and such a blessing.
Yes, they can have off days, too. We are all human.
Thanks so much for sharing!
I read this post back at the beginning of my adventure with the Lord (2018) but I didn’t apply the tips. I thought that I had because I would try really hard to not assume the worse, but I still had changes that needed to be made in order to apply these tips. For instance, I had to really accept that the Lord died on the cross for my sins. As soon as I was able to acknowledge that and figure out that ALL my sin has been forgiven, then I was able to utilize the tips that you mention. I am going to begin praying during the times in which my husband is having a hard day and invite the Lord to help me distinguish his bad mood and my emotions. I already noticed that the Lord is helping me apply that tip because it happened last week (prior to even reading this). It is so neat, April to see God establishing your steps before you even realize it! Anyways, we have a project that is due for install tonight and I’m sure that these tips will be put to the test and I cannot wait to report back that I nipped my insecurity in the rear by praying and allow the Lord to help me be a helpmeet instead of baggage for my husband!
It is so important for us to receive God’s love and truth into our own lives so that we can see clearly what is going on in our marriages with His help.
That is wonderful news that you are receiving from the Lord and growing stronger in Christ and as a helpmeet.
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