Obviously, this is an extremely stressful time for everyone around the world. There is the health risk of people getting sick and the worry about if everyone will be safe. There is the economic crisis that may be as terrible or even worse than the illness.
There is stress for those who have lost or may lose their jobs. There is stress for those who are working and putting themselves in harm’s way to help the rest of us stay safe. There is the unknown about the future.
It’s a difficult time. To say the least.
But for many men, I think a crisis like this may carry extra emotional and spiritual weight. (Women carry many similar burdens in times like this, as well, of course, and we could use extra encouragement, too.)
Men long to be heroes. The ones who can provide for their families. The ones who can protect their loved ones from harm. The ones who save the day.
Your husband may also have the added weight of trying to keep his businesses alive and wanting to protect and provide for his employees, as well.
Men tend to base their identities on their careers, competency at work, and strength to take good care of those they love or are responsible for.
A global pandemic and economic downturn can make it really difficult for our husbands to be able to protect and provide for us and our children. This can lead to a great deal of emotional and spiritual stress for the men we love. There are a lot of things that are beyond any one person’s control.
The good thing is, we may all be willing to turn more to God as we realize that we don’t have control over much. This can be a time of great spiritual growth and strengthening.
Another piece of good news is that we, as believing women, have an incredible amount of power to uplift, encourage, inspire, and bless our husbands in such a time as this.
11 Ways to Bless Your Husband During This Crisis
- Trust God and allow His peace to fill you. Take care of yourself spiritually. Go to God, the Bible, prayer, and take time to sing praises to God. When you freak out, you add exponentially to your husband’s stress. Your supernatural peace from God is calming and stabilizing for your husband, as well. When you don’t panic, it is easier for your husband to think clearly and to lead the family in wise ways.
- Let go of the things that don’t really matter. The way the dishes go in the dishwasher, whether the beds are made, the dirty socks on the floor… these things are just not very pressing right now. (They really weren’t before either.) Keep your eyes on the really big things like loving God and loving other people, the stuff that will matter when this life is over. The way we treat each other is more important than all these little issues that we sometimes get hung up on.
- Try to be aware of his needs during stressful times. Some men need extra time alone to think through things, to pray, and to figure out a wise direction. Others need extra physical affection. Some husbands may feel energized by a shoulder rub. Or you may decide to make some of your husband’s favorite meals or treats. If he is working from home, perhaps you can carve out a little sanctuary for him and encourage the children to respect Daddy’s space when he is working to try to make things as easy as possible for him.
- Stop all unnecessary spending immediately. If your husband is feeling very stressed about finances, you can help boost his morale by understanding the pressure he is feeling and limiting your purchases to things that your family needs. Perhaps you can decide on a budget together. Let your husband know that you are a team, you are in this together, and you will do everything you can to help the family pull through this time.
- Be a safe place for him emotionally. What he really needs right now is to know that being with you is the safest place for him in the world. He may need a sounding board or someone to listen to his concerns or ideas. He needs to know that you won’t verbally or physically attack him. He needs to see that you aren’t going to blame him for this global catastrophe. He needs to know he can share things with you and that you will not violate his trust. He needs to see that you won’t yell, cuss, criticize, condemn, or humiliate him.
- Be ready to extend grace. This is a very stressful time. Sometimes people get irritable when they are under duress. It’s fine to say, “Ouch,” or “That hurt,” if he says something that stings. But sometimes, it may not be necessary to say anything. Don’t take his stress personally. For some husbands, if they begin to get irritated, they need space. Others may respond to a hug. Try to look past the lashing out to see the pain in his heart. And to understand that maybe he is feeling helpless and powerless. Perhaps God may prompt you with an encouraging message to let your husband know you trust God and you trust your husband to figure all of this stuff out. If he sins against you, you may need to address it in a way that honors the Lord (Matt. 7:1-5, Matt. 18:15-17). (Of course, this doesn’t mean it is okay for him to scream at you, emotionally abuse you, or physically abuse you. If you are not safe, please reach out for trusted, experienced help in your area.)
- Have a cooperative spirit. God calls husbands to lead. Not to be tyrants, but to be humble, self-sacrificing, loving leaders for their families. They are to represent Christ to their wives and children. God also calls wives to represent the Church’s relationship with Christ by honoring their husbands’ leadership. Leading during a crisis is especially difficult. Instead of arguing with your husband when he asks you to do something or he comes up with a plan, try to be open and receptive to his ideas (unless he is asking you to clearly sin against God.) If he talks about wanting to try to downsize the house or about a possible way for him to bring in more income, try to be open-minded. If he thinks of a way to minister to others, look into the possibilities. Give your husband room to lead and try not to crush his ideas. Take time to prayerfully consider them and try to show your support and appreciation for his leadership. Use your influence authority wisely to bless him and honor God.
- Treat your husband with respect and honor. Husbands thrive on respect the way that wives thrive on love. Speak to him with a friendly, positive tone of voice. Smile at him. Share your ideas, needs, and wants in polite, respectful ways. Avoid being demanding, needy, clingy, or controlling. Lecturing, nagging, and preaching won’t endear you to your husband. Seek to be patient. Assume the best of him, not the worst. Try to put yourself in his shoes and try to understand his very different masculine perspective and his unique personality. The fact that you are different is a good thing. It makes your marriage stronger, if you can embrace it. Look for the good in him and appreciate his strengths. Teach your children to respect their dad (and their mom). And remember that the way you show honor and respect to their dad is the way they will learn to treat you and other authority figures in their life. So set a beautiful example for them to follow! Also keep in mind that for him to value your respect, you need to be a woman who respects the Lord and herself, as well. (Respecting him doesn’t mean you ignore sin or respect sin. And it doesn’t mean he is equal to or greater than God. Please search my blog for “respect” and “disrespect” for more info.)
- Avoid idolizing your husband. Don’t expect your husband to be responsible for your spiritual and emotional wellbeing. That is your job. Honestly, only Christ can meet the deepest needs of our hearts for ultimate security, identity, and purpose. And he is responsible for his spiritual and emotional wellbeing. You can’t change him, control him, or make him happy. He can’t change, control, or make you happy either. We can influence each other. But we are each responsible for ourselves. We are also responsible for how we treat others. Use this time to address any dysfunctional ways of thinking in your life and to allow the Lord to heal you so you can be the woman, wife, and mom He calls you to be.
- Pray for your husband. Everyone needs extra prayer right now, but especially our leaders in government, in the church, in business, in the schools, and in our families. Ask God to give your husband an extra measure of wisdom. Pray for God’s blessings and favor on your husband and for God’s greatest glory in his life. Invite God to do miracles to provide for and protect your family. If your husband is open to it, pray with him, too.
- Enjoy him. Make the most of this time. If everyone is healthy, have fun. Make wonderful memories together. Be available to him as much as you can. Dance together in the kitchen. Cuddle on the couch. Enjoy meals together at the table. Go for walks together if you are able to still go outside. Enjoy his sense of humor. Appreciate how handsome he is. Thank him for the little things he does to make your life better. Make sure he knows you value him and you are so glad to get to share life with him. Each day is a precious, priceless gift. See this time as an adventure that could hold many blessings. Even if you face illness, make the most of your time together. Take good care of each other. Think of yourselves as a team.
An excellent wife who can find? She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life.Prov. 31:10
A healthy marriage has love and respect flowing in both directions.
Wives can also benefit when husbands do many of these things. Although, we tend to need love and godly leadership more than respect. And husbands tend to need respect and a cooperative spirit more than love. The ideal is that we would have plenty of love and respect all around.
Wives tend to automatically love their husbands. Sometimes we need a little help with the respect part. Husbands tend to automatically respect their wives, sometimes they have a bit more of a learning curve on the love side.
I believe that is why God’s Word says what it does about husbands loving their wives and wives respecting their husbands to help us focus in the areas where we tend to be weaker in Eph. 5:22-33.
We have an incredible opportunity to shine for Christ in our homes during this time and to many others around us. God wants our marriages to be living displays of the gospel. May the Lord be greatly glorified in our lives today and in the coming months.
What are some ways you have found that you can bless your husband in stressful seasons?
How are you doing with the stress during this time? Let’s pray for one another!
The Peaceful Wife book
The ABC’s of Salvation
There is no better time than today to get your relationship right with God.
- A = Admit you are a sinner and you can’t be perfect and holy enough in God’s eyes to be right with Him on your own. “For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.” Rom. 3:23
- B = Believe that Jesus died on your behalf to pay the price for your sin and to give you a way to be right with God – to be forgiven. “The wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life through Christ Jesus, our Lord.” Rom. 6:23
- C = Confess that Jesus is your Lord – this means, Jesus is now your Master and you live your life for Him and His glory rather than for yourself. You say it out loud to others and you live it from now on. “If you confess with your mouth, “Jesus is Lord,” and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved. For with your heart you believe and are justified, and with your mouth you confess and are saved.” Rom. 10:9-10
QUARANTINE TIPS TO REDUCE STRESS