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Twenty Simple Ways to Enjoy Your Man

We are sometimes so busy, it can be easy to get caught up in lots of other things and to forget to really enjoy the moment with our husbands, our children, the Lord, and other people we love. *

If we are not conscientious about enjoying our men, we can completely miss the best parts of our marriages. That can stop right now!

Here are some suggestions for ways we can slow down and savor our men:

  1. Smile brightly when you see him and when you come into the room or he comes in. Your smile is likely one of your husband’s favorite things in this world. When he sees you are happy to see him, he is energized.
  2. Welcome him home warmly. This is a surprisingly powerful habit to develop. Your attitude and demeanor when you see your husband after work speak volumes to him and set the stage for a lovely time together.
  3. If you are too busy to be able to spend time with your husband and to relax with him, pray about what you might need to take off of your plate. Maybe even talk with him about that, respectfully, too. There is no way to build a relationship without time.
  4. Accept and appreciate him, his masculinity, and his personality rather than trying to change him. It is a good thing that he thinks, acts, and processes things differently than you do. Different doesn’t necessarily mean he is wrong. If you learn to appreciate your differences, you may find it is the ways in which you are different from each other that attract you to him the most.
  5. Remember that men tend to connect and bond by just being together or doing things together, not usually with face-to-face conversations or words. Some ideas to suggest (but no pressure!):
    • Sit together on the porch or deck.
    • Take a bath together.
    • Take a walk together.
    • Sit with him in a friendly way while he watches TV without expectation of conversation sometimes.
    • Go with him on an errand and have fun if he invites you to come.
    • Sit near him while he works on a project, just being open if he wants to talk, and enjoying his company.
  6. Appreciate and respond positively to the good things in his sense of humor.
  7. Mentally think about all of the things about your man that you genuinely respect and admire. Maybe even start a list and add to it throughout each day. Challenge yourself – how many things can you think of? What you focus on will grow.
  8. Remember that life is short – sometimes much shorter than we expect. The everyday moments we have together are priceless. Let little annoyances go and be willing to give grace.
  9. Avoid negativity, a critical spirit, complaining, resentment, and arguing. These things destroy intimacy and relationships. They make it impossible for you and your husband to enjoy each other. Not worth it!
  10. Participate with him in his hobbies sometimes if he would like that.
  11. Tell him and show him (with your voice, expressions, and attitude) that you genuinely enjoy being with him.
  12. Focus on the moment and savoring your relationship rather than allowing your mind to drift to distracting thoughts.
  13. Enjoy his sexual desire for you, if he still has it. His libido and desire for you is something very precious to cherish.
  14. Receive anything good he does for you as a gift – whether it is a compliment, an act of service, his presence with you, his time, his help with chores (even if it is not exactly the way you would do it), his parenting, his style of leadership, his affection, his attention, his leadership, his wisdom, his way of showing love, etc…
  15. Be receptive to things he might like to do together or as a family and seek to be flexible, cooperative, content, and adventurous.
  16. Laugh a lot together and have fun! Remember how you used to do that? You still can! Laughing together and sharing humor is very bonding and great for your marriage.
  17. Be sure to have some time when you are with him where you are not on your phone or tablet but you are able to give him all of your attention.
  18. If possible, go to bed at the same time he does. Maybe deep discussions could be off-limits at that point. This should be a time just to enjoy each other and have harmony and peaceful connection. If you are on different shifts, at least try to spend 10-30 minutes in bed together – preferably touching each other in some way – each day. Cuddle and relax. Be open to intimacy.
  19. Eat together once a day, if possible, and seek to create a warm, pleasant, peaceful, inviting atmosphere. As a wife, you have an incredible amount of influence on the emotional temperature of the home.
  20. See him and treat him as a friend and teammate, not as an enemy. Be his greatest fan.

SCRIPTURE:

Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Phil. 4:8

And whatever you do, in word or deed, do everything in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him. Col 3:17

Give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. 1 Thess. 5:18

PRAY:

Lord,

We thank You for our husbands and marriages. Your design for marriage is very good. Help us to focus on the praise worthy things about our husbands. Help us to cultivate spirits of thanksgiving and eyes to see the best in our men. Help us love them with your love and treat them with honor because we love and reverence You.

Empower us, by Your Spirit, to enjoy our husbands, to be trusted friends to them, and to bless them richly. Help us to enjoy our marriage covenants and the sexual aspect of our marriages. Help us to remember how blessed we are to be married to our men.

Transform our hearts and minds to be more like Jesus. Let the fruit of Your Spirit pour through our lives – Your supernatural love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. Let us be the women You call us to be. Let us enjoy and rest in You – Your unfailing love, goodness, and sovereignty – above all.

Amen!

SHARE:

What are some ways you have learned to enjoy your husband?

What obstacles exist in your life that make it hard to enjoy your husband?

Which of the tips today do you want to try this week and why?

RELATED:

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The Power of Your Smile and Facial Expressions

The Tone of Voice Challenge – 5 minute video

My Welcome Home Plan – 2.5 minute video

Ways Husbands Lead That Wives Often Don’t Notice

How Do You Purposely Relax and Enjoy Focusing on Your Family?

Dealing with Annoying Things

25 Ways to Be a Safe Place for Your Man Emotionally

When Your Man Needs Space

Oneness in Marriage – Not Too Close and Not Too Far Away

I Want More Attention from My Man

17 Tips to Ask for What You Desire Respectfully

Healthy VS Unhealthy Relationships

SEXUAL ISSUES:

For Wives Who Wish Their Husbands Desired More Sex

For Wives Who Feel Their Husbands Want Too Much Sex

Posts for Wives Whose Husbands Struggle with Porn 

 

 

 

 

 

NOTE – this post is not written for specifically for wives in abusive situations, or where there are extreme unrepentant sin issues, active addictions to drugs/alcohol, or uncontrolled severe mental health issues. If you have very serious issues in your marriage, please seek private, experienced, godly, trusted counsel one-on-one.

28 thoughts on “Twenty Simple Ways to Enjoy Your Man

  1. Thank you so much for all of these wonderful reminders. Jesus moved on my heart this morning to open this and read it, and I’m thankful that He did. {I think I’ll print it to review regularly.} I have forgotten so many of these (esp. #5!). Such rich wisdom… When I focus on doing these things, my husband feels loved, and the tone and feeling in our entire home is loving and more joyful. . . and, yes, more peaceful, too. 🙂 Thank you so much, again, for all you do.
    May our Lord & Savior richly bless your family.
    Love in Christ ~
    melissa

    1. MelissaB,
      I’m so glad that this was a blessing. Sometimes some reminders are really helpful to give us a nudge to get back to basics. I know it is helpful for me! Thank you also for the prayer. May the Lord be greatly exalted and glorified in all of our lives. 🙂

      Much love!

  2. Hello April,

    I hope you and your family are doing well.

    Yesterday was a special day for me : I was Baptized ! 🙂
    I prepared a testimony which was inspired by some passages on the Bible and also by your post “How to have a relationship with Christ”. I talked a little about sin and repentance because, at the church where I’m going, the pastors do not speak about this issues very much. They do not teach about hell and holiness.
    At the end of the sermon there were few people who told me that they were encouraged by the words. I praise the Lord for His grace. That was my intention.

    I live in Paris. What I learn about the Good news of Jesus Christ is mostly through God’s word, the pastors J. Piper, D. Platt, J. MacArthur, and also your posts.. I had many ups and downs, but the Lord is making my steps secure. I’m learning to trust the Lord and to depend on His grace.

    May God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ give you and your family grace and peace,

    Ev

    1. I read the text I wrote : one can ask what kind of church is this? The pastors here speak about Lord Jesus, about grace, encourage people to change, but do not speak about repentance. They say that what the Lord started He will finish. It’s all good news.. I do not think I can found a good church here. I heard Piper saying that “it is possible to experience miraculous works of God without understanding what’s going on, because you were badly thought. You can be saved without ever having studied theology — the Holy Spirit doesn’t depend on perfect theology to make Jesus the treasure of our hearts.” April, what do you think?

    2. Ev,

      That is AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO excited to hear that you were baptized. 🙂 And what an exciting thing to get to share some of your testimony. It breaks my heart that there are churches that don’t teach about hell and holiness. That is part of why we are in the mess we are in as a culture, sadly. But I’m really glad you had a chance to share.

      I love what the Lord is doing in your heart! Those are many of my favorite pastors, too. 🙂

      Much love to you!

      1. Thank you April, I wanted to share it with you, because you pointed me to Christ 🙂

        2 Tim 4 : 1 I charge you in the presence of God and of Christ Jesus, who is to judge the living and the dead, and by his appearing and his kingdom: 2 preach the word; be ready in season and out of season; reprove, rebuke, and exhort, with complete patience and teaching. 3 For the time is coming when people will not endure sound teaching,”

        The pastors are relatively young in this church. I do not know what to do. I would like to leave this church if I find a good Biblical one, but I doubt. Are there other brothers and sisters with similar experiences?

        Much love to you my dear sister !

        1. Ev,

          The Holy Spirit can speak to people thought the Bible and His Spirit even in churches where theology is poorly taught. Yes. I am grateful for that! But it sure would be ideal if churches would teach proper theology! Many of the things I learned on this journey were things I WISH I had learned in church. I should have learned them in church. And there should be many older women teaching younger women these things, too. God did eventually help me see a lot of things that were plainly in the Bible that I had missed.

          It is heart-breaking to me that there are so many churches who do not teach the full gospel in all of its power. To teach about God’s love and grace without talking about the seriousness of sin, the reality of hell, and the importance of repentance makes Jesus and the cross seem optional and unnecessary. My prayer is that people around the world will get to hear the real gospel and that many might receive the Lord through the power of the Holy Spirit working in the message and working in their hearts.

          Yes, there are others with similar experiences, especially in the churches of the West.

          Much love!

          1. April,

            Thanks for asking. My husband does not know that I was baptized. We are separated; he is still not repentant. But I prepared an apology letter, and want to ask for forgiveness. I wanted to apologize to him long time ago, but could not do it : I felt like I needed his approval. Now, thanks to the strength that God supplies, I think I am ready 🙂 He comes home ones every two weeks. Should I schedule a time and tell him that I want to apologize? Thanks.

          2. Ev,

            You are right! You don’t need his approval or even his forgiveness, although that would be wonderful. All you need is God’s approval. 🙂 I’d be happy to talk with you about this. Much love!

  3. I agree with all of your suggestions and importance of spending quality time together. But what if your husband is so busy on the weekends going to garage sales, fixing his car, getting haircut, running errands that he does not have time or energy to spend on you or the kids? He’s doing all the things that he believes are good for the family, but what we would like is his presence (without the Iphone in his hand). We would like him to just rest and take a nap even. He runs himself ragged and gets sick with a cold at the end of every weekend. He doesn’t stop when he’s tired and goes on until his body fails. I am afraid he will die early and leave me and the kids. Even on Sunday we went to church but afterwards it was nonstop playing with the kids in the pool, fixing things around the house, etc. the man does not rest!

    1. Ms. Min,

      You can certainly invite him to do things with you and the kids respectfully. You can make friendly suggestions. But then, ultimately, he is a grown man and he has free will. If he chooses to run himself ragged, you can’t necessarily stop him. You can seek to influence him. You can encourage him to rest. But then if he still decides to do lots of things – and those things are not the things you would like him to do – then you and the kids can do things together that are fun. Enjoy what he does for you and with you and respect the decisions he makes. Pray about what you believe is best. Be inviting, warm, and friendly. And then use the time you have with the kids in ways that you believe honor the Lord and bless them.

      Different people have very different expectation levels and energy levels. It is not necessarily wrong that he wants to do a lot of things. This is where it can be helpful to depend on the sovereignty of God and to entrust your husband and fears into His hands.

      17 Tips to Ask For What You Desire Respectfully
      25 Ways to Show Real Respect for Your Husband
      Fear Fuels Our Need to Control
      Experiencing God’s Victory Over Our Fear

      Much love to you!

  4. Great list!

    My husband likes to “go for a drive.” Ha! Not my favorite thing in the world to do, so I have to pretend we’re still teen agers, listen to all his favorite love songs on the radio, make google eyes at him, whatever I can remember. It’s kind of sweet, that’s what he’s doing, having “a date,” that doesn’t really require anything of him. He just wants my company.

    I think a lot of men are like that, they just want you nearby, kind of like number 5 suggests, “Remember that men tend to connect and bond by just being together or doing things together, not usually with face-to-face conversations or words.”

    1. insanitybytes22,

      I think there are a lot of men who like to “go for a drive” or something similar and just enjoy being together. Yes, he just wants to get to spend some quality time with you. That is very sweet. And if we can remember that this is how men tend to bond, we can realize we are giving them a big gift just by going with them and hanging out with them, even if they don’t want to do a lot of talking.

      Thanks so much for sharing!

  5. Hi April,
    Thank you for this blog. It’s enormously helpful.
    I have some questions/concerns that don’t necessarily pertain to this specific post but I was unsure of where to ask.

    My husband and I attend church regularly and he considers himself Christian. However we don’t pray together (He never initiates) and he doesn’t read scripture outside of church service and is not very well versed. When we first married, we were more or less on the same page but as the years have progressed and I have started to study scripture more, I have been convicted about some issues and he is not in agreement.

    For example, I recently commented that I don’t think woman should be ordained ministers/priests since St. Paul is quite clear on this issue. He totally disagreed with me. I have wanted to wear a hat to church a few times (as per St. Paul’s instructions) and he was vehemently opposed so I didn’t. He thinks these views are “extreme”. I know that you often mention that God will lead us through our husbands.

    So I guess my question is, in my situation, will I still be held responsible if I go along with my husband’s wishes (e.g. not wearing a hat to church, not expressing my views on women priests) when we come before God? It is enough for me to say, well my husband doesn’t want me to do XYZ so even if it’s in the Bible, I won’t do it?

    We have also had minor disagreements about ministry work. For example, I wanted to participate in a short term mission trip as a couple but he was completely opposed. Once he expresses his opposition to something, I typically don’t push the issue but I am still concerned about our family’s salvation. In the past he became upset when I was trying to minister to my mother and telling her about Christ’s warnings regarding end times. He said it sounded “crazy” so I stopped.

    I believe he has gotten some of his beliefs from his mother who identifies as Christian but expresses some beliefs that are in opposition to the Bible. It may also be that the way we grew up (in religious school, church, etc.) people just went to church for an hour a week and that was it. No one ever spoke about their faith or shared it with others or read scripture, etc. It was more like a cultural thing than an actual passionate belief in God and scripture. I just fear that my children will grow up thinking that it is ok to be a cultural Christian and be lukewarm for God or worse, see their parents as hypocrites.
    Thanks

    1. NYMom,

      It is so wonderful to meet you and to hear from you. 🙂 I can definitely relate to you, my precious sister! I love your heart for Christ and for obedience and holiness. That is beautiful!

      Sometimes, it does take time before a husband softens to the Lord and His Word. I actually have a lot of posts on issues like the ones you have described here. I’m honored to share them with you and pray that they might be a blessing.

      In general, if your husband gets upset when you talk about spiritual things and he doesn’t agree with you, particularly if he seems to be far from the Lord, this is a situation where the more you talk about spiritual things to him, the more he will probably be repelled. It is often a 1 Peter 3:1-2 kind of thing. Men do not like being verbally pressured into making spiritual decisions. I used to be in some very similar positions to what you are describing myself. And finally, God showed me that me lecturing, teaching, or preaching at him only push him away from God and from me.

      When I first began this journey 8.5 years ago, Greg was far from God. He didn’t hear His voice clearly. But something he said to me a few years after we began to heal was, “When you stopped the criticism, negativity, telling me what to do, being upset with me all the time, etc… it was like someone took the static off of the speaker with God’s voice in my heart. And then, as you began to learn to truly respect and honor me and affirm and encourage me, it was like someone put an amplifier on the speaker with God’s voice in my heart.”

      My most important job was to get out of God’s way so Greg could hear God’s voice instead of hearing my voice all the time.

      I believe you are reading Scripture rightly and I certainly agree with you. But – maybe your husband is not there yet. That’s okay. Let’s pray for God’s Spirit to work in his life. We have all, men and women, been marinating in atheistic feminism for all of our lives in this culture, even in the church. If we don’t know where our beliefs came from, we may feel loyal to some of our fixed beliefs. He probably doesn’t know where his ideas started in the church. If he had studied the origins and history of feminism, he may change his mind.

      God’s ways sound crazy to those who are not close to Him. That is always true. The world thinks God’s Word is foolishness. Only the Holy Spirit can open his eyes. What you can do to most help your husband is to show him your godly, respectful attitude and to live out the truth in front of him without trying to drag him to God with words about spiritual stuff.

      You can lay your desire to cover your head before the Lord in prayer.

      You can say,

      “Lord, You see that my husband gets really upset when I talk about wanting to cover my head. The whole point of covering my head is to honor his leadership. And he is offended. 🙁 I want to honor You. I want to obey Your Word. I believe that covering my head in some way at church would be obedience to You. Please make a way for me to be able to obey You. Open my husband’s heart to be soft to everything in Your Word. Give me favor so that I can seek to honor You and my husband. I long for You to be greatly glorified in our lives. I am totally dependent on You to make that happen. Show me what You want me to do as I patiently wait on You to open the doors for me. I will trust in You no matter what may happen. Make me a blessing to my husband and a joy to Your heart. Amen.”

      It is possible that you may be able to wear a wide headband or something that wouldn’t offend him – maybe you wouldn’t want to talk about the significance in your mind at this point. Or, you may be able to carry a silk scarf with you and just quietly slip it over your head during prayer. But if these things offend him, too, simply present the quandary to the Lord and invite Him to work in supernatural ways.

      Here is a post from http://www.headcovering.com that may be helpful:
      My Husband Asked Me Not to Cover My Head. What Should I Do?

      This is going to require faith, patience, and prayer. But God can reach your husband in ways you cannot.

      Here are some of my posts about some of the other issues you mentioned that may be a blessing:

      My Husband Doesn’t Want Me to Minister Like I Want To
      I Wish My Husband Would Pray with Me More- Part 1
      I Wish My Husband Would Pray with Me More – Part 2
      Husbands Share about Prayer
      When Would I Not Submit to My Husband?
      Spiritual Authority
      A Husband’s and a Wife’s Authority in Marriage
      Fully entrusting God with My Husband – Laying Down My Fears
      Fear Fuels Our Need to Control
      God’s Victory Over Fear

      The head covering thing ultimately is up to you. I am not sure that I would say it is a “sin” to not cover your head in corporate worship. The Bible says it “dishonors” your head. But if your husband feels extremely dishonored if you wear it, I vote to pray and ask God to change his heart and to provide a way for you to obey Him in a way that also feels respectful to your husband.

      As far as the issue on women not being allowed to be ordained as priests, that is very clear in the Bible. You have mentioned it to your husband, so now it is in God’s hands. We will trust Him to speak His truth to your husband. That is not an issue that directly impacts your marriage or family. So it is probably a topic you don’t really have to bring up. He will answer to the Lord for his beliefs about the Word of God. You will answer for yours.

      Yes, God can lead us through our husbands. It often takes time. Often, much longer than we would like. But this is a test of our own faith in the Lord. Is He REALLY so sovereign that He can change my husband’s heart on these issues? Will I trust Him even though my husband can’t seem to hear Him correctly right now? Will I thank and praise Him for all He will do even though I can’t see it yet?

      Much love!

      1. NYMom,
        With your children, you can present this issue to the Lord, as well, in prayer. Fast and pray over them and your husband sometimes if possible. Invite the Lord to reach them through you and your husband in spite of the failures and weaknesses you both have. Invite the Holy Spirit to love your children and to speak through you to their hearts. No human can thwart the purposes of God, thankfully! God is for you, so who can be against you?

        Much love!

        1. Hi April,
          Thank you so much for your response. I really appreciate you taking your time to write such an edifying response.
          I have considered wearing a wide headband to church and I have seen some ones I like on Etsy so I plan on ordering one soon.

          I agree about the affects of feminism on our culture and even within the church. When I read the scripture, especially the Gospel, I see that following Christ is supposed to be counter to mainstream culture but I think that a lot of people want to be popular, well liked, and don’t want to offend anyone so really following God’s word becomes almost impossible when those are our priorities.

          I agree that I need to demonstrate God’s power and love through my conduct. This is an area that I have been struggling in. In particular, I struggle with gossip and just talking a lot about other people and their relationships in general (even if it’s not in a particularly negative way). This is something I have been struggling with since childhood and I don’t think my husband appreciates it. I actually just viewed your video on gossip today and it was very helpful. I know that gossip is a very serious sin and I need to expel it from my life if I am going to be a good witness for my husband and children. I know that I may seem like a hypocrite to them if I am preaching about God but then constantly talking about nonsense and other people’s affairs. I am praying that the Holy Spirit helps me to stop this harmful habit. I have also been reading Proverbs lately and I am struck by the many references to guarding our tongues and all the damage that our words can do.

          Please continue to pray for me, my husband, and our children.

          Thanks again for this blog.

          1. NYMOM,

            Yes, our churches, sadly, have bowed too much to our culture. We are not supposed to be like the world. But – I think as things continue to grow more dark, we will have to choose. The time for sitting on the fence is over. I believe that the Lord will purify His church soon, and that He already is beginning to do so. How desperately we need that! You are correct, that it is impossible to please God and people. Those two goals can’t be accomplished at the same time.

            Gossip is a very tempting sin for me, too. It can be difficult sometimes to see the line where sharing ends and gossip begins. This week, I have been reading James 1 a lot and when I was at work, I just wrote “James 1 and 2” on a slip of paper and kept it in front of me. That helped to remind me to really evaluate if something was worthy of sharing or if I needed to not bring it up to my coworkers. I pray for God’s victory for us all over the deadly poison of our tongues. My prayer is that God might help me see gossip and sins of the tongue as He sees them and see just how dangerous, toxic, and destructive they are. I am completely dependent on Jesus to give me victory in this and every area. May the Lord empower us to use our words only to edify and give life and not to tear down. And may the Lord draw your husband and children to Himself and use you to shine for Jesus brightly in your home.

            Much love!

  6. Thank you so much for this. It broke me to pieces realising that I’m probably hurting myself but all the negative thoughts that I have.

    I love my husband I don’t want to lie but I sometimes feel that maybe I love him too much that he will break me apart.

    I always have thoughts of him cheating and I even end up seeing it in reality but however he always has some sort of explanation for everything. He guarantees me all the time that he would never do that to me and that he loves me. He’s always on his phone which is one of the reasons I feel there is probably someone else he is giving his attention too. He gets messages early in the morning and I always wonder who it could be. I’d love to search his phone but I can see he hates it when I do, let alone even touch it (which is a recent change that I’ve notice. Before I was always allowed to hold him phone without him having a problem).

    I hate what my marriage has come to because we are happy until something happens and my negative thoughts are back.

    I want to trust him again but I’m scared. I feel used and cheated. That’s why I end up acting contrary to what I’ve just read and things turn sour.

    Maybe reading more of your blogs will help me overcome this.

    Thank you once again. God truly bless you.

    1. Zee,

      My heart hurts with you to hear how you are feeling. 🙁

      Obviously, I don’t know what your husband is doing. I don’t know who he is talking to or if he is telling you the truth. Has he ever cheated before? How long has this been going on with all of the messages?

      I do know that God can heal your heart no matter what may be going on with your husband. That is my first goal for you – that you might receive all of the love, truth, healing, and power of the Lord in your life.

      Would you be interested in doing a brief spiritual check up with me where I would ask you a few questions just to get a pulse on where you are right now. Then I would be glad to provide some resources that may be a blessing for you to receive the healing you need in Christ. From that place, I believe the Lord can give you the wisdom, light, and direction you need to see what you need to do on your end of things and how to address any issues in your husband’s life in a healthy, productive way.

      Much love to you!

      1. Zee,

        Here are a few resources that may be a blessing…

        How Can a Godly Wife Possibly Respect Her Unfaithful Husband? – This is in case your worst fears were found to be true.

        Healing for Destructive Jealousy – This article may be helpful if your husband isn’t actually cheating

        Righteous Jealousy and Anger

        How to Make Your Husband an Idol

        Healthy VS Unhealthy Relationships

        17 Tips on How to Ask for what You Desire Respectfully

        25 Ways to Be a Safe Place for Your Man Emotionally

        Should You Strive to Please or Keep Your Husband at ANY Cost?

        You can’t stop your husband from cheating if he decides he is going to do that. You can’t control him or force him to be the husband you want him to be. But you can be the wife and woman God calls you to be. And you can influence your husband in very powerful ways for good. If your marriage is going to heal, this is the road you will need to take. I can’t give you guarantees of what will happen if you decide to trust God and do things His way. But if there is going to be good to come from this situation, I am glad to show you the way to it.

        Much love!

      2. Thank you once again for responding so quickly. I would love to do that spiritual check with you and I will certainly go through the material you’ve recommended below. Thank you April 🙂

        1. Zee,

          My first goal is to be sure you are in a spiritually healthy, strong place in Christ. When you are in right relationship with the Lord, He can give you the power and wisdom you need to respond rightly to your husband, to discern what is going on, and to be the women He calls you to be. He can also give you the discretion and wisdom you need to address any sin in your husband’s life in a healthy, productive way.

          Take your time and answer honestly, please. 🙂

          1. What is your relationship with Christ?

          2. What are your greatest fears?

          3. What are your most precious dreams?

          4. Where do you look for security, safety, and comfort emotionally?

          5. What is your husband’s relationship with Christ?

          6. How long has he been secretive about his phone?

          7. How do you generally respond when you feel you can’t trust him? What things do you say and do specifically?

          8. What do you desire most in your relationship with God?

          9. What do you desire most in your relationship with your husband?

          1. Here is my response to the questions you asked:

            1. What is your relationship with Christ? I’m a born again Christian who loves and fears God dearly.

            2. What are your greatest fears? 1. Leaving my kids behind at a very young age. 2. Finding out my husband is cheating on me. 3. Being left by the Holy Spirit

            3. What are your most precious dreams? 1. Being content and satisfied with my life, career and finances. To live a life where I lack nothing and being able to provide for myself and my family.

            4. Where do you look for security, safety, and comfort emotionally? 1. God first 2. Myself 3. Or someone I can confide in depending on the matter at hand (this includes my husband, family or a friend)

            5. What is your husband’s relationship with Christ? He is a born again Christian

            6. How long has he been secretive about his phone? A few months now

            7. How do you generally respond when you feel you can’t trust him? What things do you say and do specifically? I cry and pray and my attitude towards him automatically changes, I feel cheated, played and taken for granted. Depending on what I see or feel I talk to a friend.

            8. What do you desire most in your relationship with God? I desire that my life always be filled and lead by the Holy Spirit at all times. I desire God to talk to me more often and for me to always be vulnerable to hear His voice always

            9. What do you desire most in your relationship with your husband? I want us to be the friends we have always been more than husband and wife. I’d love us to be as transparent as possible to each other. I’d love us to be as intimate, caring, loving and romantic with each other as much as possible. I want us to be able to trust each other always. I want us to be united in all forms, happy and joyful at the thought of each other. I’d love us to be a couple who stands out and represents the kingdom of God by all means possible. I want him to be my place of peace and sanity and visa versa.

            I’ve opened up my heart to you and responded as truthful as I can be. I hope it’s clear and understandable.

          2. Zee,

            Thank you so much for sharing your answers. That helps me understand a bit more about what is going on. 🙂

            A few more questions, my precious sister… if it is okay.

            1. Has your husband said anything that he feels he needs in the marriage?

            2. Is there something he has seemed upset about?

            3. Was there something that triggered the phone issue to your knowledge?

            4. How are things going between the two of you in other areas? Are there any other major issues that you know of?

            5. I assume you have shared with him that you are concerned about the phone and the secrecy? And I assume you have respectfully asked for him to be transparent but he has refused?

            6. What is your plan to approach him in a way that will draw him to you and not repel him?

            7. Do you believe he is trustworthy or are you not sure at this point?

            Much love to you!

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