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“Should I Give Him Something for Our Anniversary or Not?”

IF THINGS ARE GOING WELL IN YOUR MARRIAGE

Give him whatever you would like to give him – BUT – watch your motives. Why are you giving him something?

  • Is it just to bless him?
  • Is it something he would enjoy and appreciate? Not all men are excited about romantic, emotional, wordy cards (I know my husband, Greg, is totally fine without any cards at all for any occasion.)
  • Are you expecting something in return?
  • Will you feel resentful if you give him what you are planning to get him and he doesn’t get you something or what he gives you isn’t “as good” in you mind as what you give him?
  • Is the thing you are planning to get for him in your agreed-upon budget?
  • Enjoy your anniversary and be sure it is about both of you, not just about yourself.
  • Be flexible and roll with any unexpected situations or challenges that may arise.

IF THINGS ARE VERY TENSE IN YOUR MARRIAGE

If your husband has indicated that he doesn’t really want to be married to you anymore but is just staying for the sake of the kids or something… here are a few things to prayerfully consider about your motives:

  • Why do you want to get him a card or gift?
  • Are you expecting something in return?
  • What will you do if he doesn’t get you something?
  • Is it likely that he may get angry if you acknowledge the anniversary because he may feel that you are trying to pressure him to come back to you or that you have your hopes up about the marriage working out? Would he feel disrespected if you give him a card?
  • What do you believe may happen if you don’t get him a card or gift? (In my experience, even when things are going well in marriages, lots of times husbands don’t really care that much about anniversary cards or gifts – although I am sure there are exceptions. Perhaps some of the men would like to share their thoughts on this issue.)

If things are very tense in your marriage, pray and ask God for His wisdom and discernment about how to bless your husband every day – including on anniversaries, birthdays, and holidays. Some husbands may be appreciative of cards or gifts even if they said they wanted out of the marriage. Some may not be. Ask God to help you see what your particular husband would most respond to at the time. If you know he will be upset if you give him a card or gift, it is okay not to give anything. Just wait and plan to celebrate again later when things are going better.

FOR ALL SITUATIONS

A much greater gift for a husband than a card or something wrapped in a box would be a wife’s genuine smile, joy, peace in Christ, and positive, respectful attitude – whether things are going well or whether they are going very poorly at the time. Those are gifts that just about any husband would appreciate every day.

My perspective now is that I can be content if we have a big celebration or if we don’t. My contentment is in Christ not in what my husband does or does not do for me.

If we go out to a fancy dinner – wonderful! If we stay home and have peanut butter and jelly sandwiches – wonderful! If we go on a trip – I’ll enjoy it. If we stay home and just go on a walk around the block – I’ll enjoy it. If my husband is sick and can’t celebrate and we have to go to the doctor’s that night instead of out to eat – I will do my best to take good care of him and to have a great attitude (that actually happened to us a few years ago).

AVOID RESENTMENT

What I don’t want to see is us getting resentful over anniversaries, birthdays, or holidays because of our expectations. Let’s lay down our expectations and seek only to please Christ and to bless our husbands. The world has all kinds of expectations about anniversaries that it wants us to hone in on. Advertisers and card companies want us to feel obligated to buy certain things and want us to feel entitled to receive certain things. Hollywood has certain images of what anniversaries “should look like.” Why am I going to let the world dictate my expectations or contentment? Never! I don’t even want to be a slave to my own expectations. Jesus is the source of my contentment. If I have Him, I truly have more than I could ever ask for or imagine. Now – let me seek be a blessing to my husband. I am already overflowing with fulfillment, peace, joy, love, contentment, security, and acceptance in Christ.

“for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.” Philippians 4:11-13

“Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken.” Psalm 62:5-6

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69 thoughts on ““Should I Give Him Something for Our Anniversary or Not?”

  1. Well, Bel, here is our God talking to us through April again. Did we NOT just talk about coincidences and how they are really God-incidences? I pray that we can really absorb this godly advice and noodle out our true motives.

    After your question last month, I really prayed about this too. After this post, I felt my mind was made up. I, for one am offering an “all the works” foot rub coupon to him. If he never wants it, fine. I know he enjoys having his feet pampered…so I am willing, just to bless him in this way. No card. Just the offer for when he wants it…if he wants it. It’s on my budget, no expectations, just to bless him. He stays in charge of receiving the gift or not.

    We both (Bel and I) have milestone anniversaries coming up in a few weeks and this has been on both our minds. I will pray for you to feel God’s direction here as you really go through April’s post on all those bullet points. God can make it work, whatever happens, but I know we both want to follow HIM. Thanks again, April…very timely. Spoke right to me this morning. Much love and gratitude.

    1. LMSdaily115,

      I know there are a lot of anniversaries in September – so I hope the timing may be helpful for many of our sisters in Christ. I REALLY love your idea about the foot massages. Now THAT is a gift a lot of husbands would really appreciate. I need to keep that one in mind for myself! 🙂

      I’m so thankful this was a blessing. How I long for us not to allow worldly expectations or resentment to take over – but that we might continue to keep our eyes on Christ and keep abiding in Him, allowing Him to fill us up with His LIFE and LOVE that it may spill over into the lives of everyone around us.

      Much love, my dear sister!

      1. April,
        Thank you for this post. I agree, when giving a gift for your husband, let go of expectations…
        Last couple of holidays, anniversaries, etc. I gave him his favorite gift of all times- Amazon gift card and a card with a few simple sentences of gratitude and appreciation in it. He was really excited over a gift card, eventhough he can order anything he wants as it is. He didnt get me anything, but we went out to eat on our annivetsary for example…
        I have decided that i WANT to give him something to acknowledge our special event or his birthday and if he buys me something great, if not – no big deal. I do it because i want to and because seeing him so excited brings me so much joy!
        On the other hand- want to TOTALLY recommend a book Amanda mentioned His Brain Her Brain. AWESOME BOOK! Its like icing on the cake combined with everything we learn from you, Laura Doyle’s ideas, etc. So much insight ib there, why men do the things they do. Really helpful for all of us to understand our men ( and for men to understand women) LOVE IT!!!

        1. NB,
          Thank you for sharing how you approach your anniversary in a way that is a blessing to your husband. Love this!

          And thanks for sharing that you liked His Brain, Her Brain by Dr. Walt and Barbara Larimore. I love that book! It is on My Favorite Marriage Books list.

    2. Ok so I just can’t wait for the day to be over. No matter what I’ve learned and know to be true, I’m still going to be very sad on the day. I have no bad motives regarding my desire to acknowledge the day. It’s not to try get anything or make him feel guilty or anything like that. It’s just out of love. I love my husband. I would love to remember and celebrate the day we made our vows to each other and God. It is really hurting my heart that this won’t be happening. It almost feels like I should take all our photos down. However I have been praying for guidance and wisdom and I haven’t got a clear answer or feeling yet but I’m hoping to. in the meantime I’m trying to tell myself it’s just a number. Just a day……..

      1. Bel. It sounds like you need to just hand it over to God. You may not be able to guess how the day will turn out. Maybe it will help to just play it by ear. Even if you do something or don’t do something, please understand that God will make WHATEVER you do if in the right motive turn out for the good of both of you. Weather you learn something about your husband that helps you understand him better, or he enjoys what you do for him. You are not trying to manipulate, control or influence a preconceived expectation. Maybe you are OVER thinking it at this point. I feel like you are scared to make the wrong move, so you are avoiding a move all together. Maybe God just wants you to lay it all down and go with the flow of the day. I think that April hit the nail on the head that when we are respectful, graceful and content wives and cooperating and respecting our husbands and being peaceful, then THAT is the best gift we can give them. It’s important not to give into fear of a future you cannot possibly forsee. Just give up the desire to control any of it…his feelings, his reaction, how the day will go, etc. You cannot guess what his reaction will be. He may assume certain motives, or he may light up at your genuine effort. Who knows? But I think you are worrying and God says no amount of worrying will give us another day on this earth. Put it out of your mind for now and just look forward to being the wife and person God wants you to be. The rest, you have no control overy anyway. I hope this helps, sweets. Much love.

        1. Hi LMS

          I love what you wrote for Bel.

          I was wondering (question for everyone) if people could share any scripture that would help us see how God can use our actions (if with the right motive) for good.

          Are there any examples where people had the right motives but it had a really bad outcome? If there are no examples of someone depending on God where it went bad then I can see it would be very restful to know that it will all work for good eventually.

          Thanks for this post April. It is DW’s birthday in September and I have a gift I am trying to decide whether I give so this post is a blessing.

          HH

          1. HH,

            There are examples I can think of in Scripture where people had right motives and sometimes good things happened and sometimes good things didn’t happen in their lifetime – but God is the rewarder of those who walk in obedience to Him and who abide in Him. So – whether they received good results on earth or not is not the primary issue – what they receive in heaven is the primary issue – in my view.

            Jeremiah, Ezekiel, and Isaiah were faithful prophets of God who were mistreated and abused terribly. The people never repented. But these men did what God called them to do and they were faithful. Jeremiah was known as “The weeping prophet” – why? Because all he did was weep and grieve over the coming judgment on God’s people and their stubborn, sinful, rebellious hearts. He was not allowed to marry – because all of the people in Israel and the children born there were under a curse. Jeremiah was not allowed to go to funerals or to visit houses of mourning and grieve over those who had died. Ezekiel had to do some REALLY unorthodox things. CRAZY things, we would probably say. But he obeyed God no matter what God asked of him. He even lost his wife to death – which God told him would happen the day before. But his life was to serve as an example to the stubborn, stiff-necked, deaf and blind Israelites of what was coming because of their sin. He obeyed no matter what. Isaiah was obedient even though the people mocked him constantly. He was not respected then. None of these great men of God were respected during their lifetimes by the people they were sent to serve and to minister to.

            And yet, God has stored up for these prophets – crowns of righteousness. 🙂 Their reward is in heaven!

            The only prophet who really saw God bring a revival in the Old Testament was Jonah. And he was REALLY UPSET about it! He didn’t want those people to repent. He wanted to see Ninevah destroyed. So his motives were not the best, and yet, God commanded him to go – and, very reluctantly, he eventually went after the whole whale belly for 3 days incident. And God used him to bring about a revival that kept Ninevah from being destroyed until 80 years later when the people refused to repent.

            God promises that all of this will work out for your ultimate good and His ultimate glory. Sometimes His definitions and His timeframe are different from ours. But – my brother – please be encouraged! I can already see so much spiritual good God has brought about in your life – it is crazy!

            Praying for God’s wisdom for you, our brother. I know this has been a very tough year. And yet – how I praise God for what He has been doing and all that He will continue to do!

          2. Hi April,

            Thank you for your very detailed response.

            I have thought a lot on Ezekiel over the past few months plus the scriptures in Hebrews 11 that describes those who were treated very poorly for their faith. And also on Job. It seems to me that there is often a lot of persecution when we are truly surrendered to follow wherever the Lord will take us and yet there are also many examples of tremendous victories and real tangible blessings as a result of people’s surrender.

            It seems to me that God is honest with us. He does not promise us a bed of flowers when we walk with Him but He does promise to walk with us whatever may come. “Many are the afflictions of the righteous but the Lord delivers him from them all”. And yet, there are also SO MANY scriptures that talk about the tangible, physical blessings of the Lord when people walk with him! Why is one person called to bear a huge cross and another seemingly has no cross at all?

            When I see the way that the Lord is drawing people to Him through this trial there is a big part of me that wonders if the Lord’s plan is for me to remain separated/potentially divorced for this lifetime. This is both a hard thing to accept and at the same time a joyful thought for me. Hard because I do long to enjoy a reciprocated love and unity but joyful because I can see real, unfeigned fruit growing for one of the first times in my life. I was ‘drifting’ until this time. I am most certainly not drifting any longer.

            There are many who tell me “No, it is definitely not the Lord’s plan for you to remain separated/divorced, God wants you to be happy”………and yet, the Apostle Paul for example said that he was perfectly free to have a wife but chose not to for the sake of the gospel of Christ. Clearly I am not in the same position as him as I have a wife and children already but is it possible that God would be glorified more through remaining separated???

            I remember 10 months ago (oh wow, it’s been that long already) that I was reading about the Apostle Paul being poured out like a drink offering and I knelt down and told the Lord that I was willing to be poured out if that was what He wanted. I was sharing that prayer with a friend from church a little while back and I could not help crying as I told him of that prayer and said that whilst I was fully committed to whatever the Lord would do, I did not realise that it would hurt so much!!

            And yet, an elder came to me at church just recently and was crying himself as he told me that the joy I am radiating through this pain has spoken deeply to him of the reality of God’s presence and support. PTL for this!!

            On the other side of the coin is that I find it difficult to see whether my trials are coming as natural consequences for past, sinful behaviour or whether they are coming as persecution for pursuing the Lord. Perhaps it is a mix of both? It can be difficult (in my mind at least) to distinguish between if;
            – people have a legitimate problem with something I am doing because I am genuinely doing something wrong?
            – people have a perceived problem with something I am doing because their own conscience is pricked?

            I have taken ownership for my part in all conflict but I have found that this often means the other party takes the stance that I am entirely at fault 🙁

            GOLLY!!! I have rambled haven’t I. And it has nothing to do with an anniversary gift, my apologies!! HH

          3. HH,

            Yes, sometimes there are tangible results and blessings on earth – and other times those things do not happen in the believer’s lifetime.

            Abraham did get to live to see Isaac. But he did not live to see the nation of Israel. The children of Israel went into Egypt to avoid a famine because God had sent Joseph before them to provide for them. But then there were over 400 years of slavery in Egypt where none of those people got to experience the deliverance of God from slavery – but at just the right time in God’s wisdom – He set them free. That generation saw countless miracles and were rescued by God, Himself, from slavery – but they didn’t believe Him and didn’t have faith. The could have had so much more! But it was the next generation that entered the promised land.

            Some missionaries get to see thousands come to Christ. Some never know that anyone they witnessed to came to Christ. Some are persecuted intensely, others experience no persecution.

            The goal for us is to be faithful regardless of worldly circumstances. God will bestow greater glory on those who have suffered most for Him. The bigger the cross here, the greater the glory in eternity. Check out Revelation – those who were martyred for Christ receive very special treatment from God.

            I don’t know God’s plans for you – and without divine revelation – I can’t imagine that any other human could know. I vote not to try to zoom ahead and make assumptions but focus on today, my brother.

            No matter why you are experiencing these trials – whether it is partly because of your past sin for which you have repented, your wife’s current sin for which she has not yet repented, or some other reason – God can and will use all of it for your ultimate good and His ultimate glory – rest on that promise in Romans 8:28-29!

            Praying for God’s continued good work in your life and in every life here!

          4. Amen to that. That is truly where real life and rest lies and I approach today with a joyful spirit because of it 🙂 Life has purpose and meaning.

            I do know that I am still waiting expectantly to see DW know Christ, my conviction on what I am certain was a divine revelation has not wavered no matter what circumstances have arisen. I have a lot of joy over that no matter what else may come.

            Praying for all of us here and for all of us to know Christ in an increasing measure each day. Bless all of you in Jesus name. HH

          5. HH,

            What a day of rejoicing we will all get to celebrate together the day that your wife turns to Christ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Fills me with such joy just thinking about that day. 🙂

          6. HH,
            When David wanted to bring the ark back, and he had all the right motives, but he didn’t do it according to God’s prescribed way—and then Uzzah or Uzziah can’t remember, he died as a result! Definitely a story to read 🙂

            Amanda

        2. Thanks LMS. I have made plans for the day so I will be kept busy. So I will celebrate it, just not with him. You’re right. I’m over thinking it. Im really good at that. At this point I’m just leaving the day go with nothing done or said. I will make a nice dinner though. I think he will see selfish motives in anything I do no matter what I say so there’s no point. If God has other ideas for me then I guess I’ll have a different story to tell. Thank you for your advice. As always. Love to you.

      2. Bel,

        Or, you can think of it as that you are climbing together out of a deep ravine where the marriage was wrecked and that you are on the path upward toward healing. And you can celebrate the baby steps you have taken already and how much better things are – in your own heart, you can celebrate. And you can look forward in faith to a time when you can have a joint celebration for your anniversary in the future again that will be SUPER joyous!

        1. April. This is a lovely way to think of it. Thank you. I just hope you’re right. I WILL be celebrating and very thankful in my own heart that day. Even though there’s been so much pain and our future is uncertain, I have been richly blessed in many ways. Some beautiful and precious children came from this marriage and that alone is enough to celebrate.

          1. Bel,

            We do have so much to be thankful for today. All of us live with very uncertain futures. Just look at the news in the past week. None of us know whether a massive earthquake might strike our area later today. None of us know if we will be flooded out of our homes this week. None of us know if we will be touched by terrorism today. None of us know if the global economy will collapse this month. We all live with uncertainty because none of us know what will happen 1 minute from now.

            But we have God. And He is sovereign. We know His heart toward us. We trust Him.

            He calls us to be content in Him if we have food for today and clothing on our backs. That is quite a standard of contentment! Consider that each day is a priceless gift. What if today is the last day we share with those we love? Let’s live with no regrets. Let’s have our hearts and minds filled to overflowing with thanksgiving and praises to God. Let’s be willing to go where He calls us to go – no matter what the cost to us. Let’s ask Him to empower us to be faithful and obedient and to use us for His greatest glory whatever that may mean.

            Let’s lay aside the “what ifs” and the future. Let’s focus on today. That is where Jesus wants our attention – on Him and on today.

            Let’s ask God to cleanse us of unbelief, doubt, worry, and fear. Those things are not of Him! Let’s receive the Spirit of power, love, and a sound-mind that ARE from Him and that He freely gives to us in Christ as we allow Him total access and Lordship over our lives.

            Much love to you!

          2. I think that it is critical for us all to be fully spiritually awake right now in this moment in history. We are living during the times of a great apostasy – a great falling away from God. I don’t know if this is “THE Great Apostasy.” But – it most certainly could be. Things do seem to be aligning for the Great Tribulation and the end times to come quickly. Of course, “no man knows the day nor the hour” but only God knows. We are to always be prepared for Christ’s return.

            But I think that as we live in this culture where people are living in greater and greater rebellion against God and where immorality is celebrated and sin is paraded about with pride – we must be vigilant, sober-minded, alert, and prepared. The days of “easy Christianity” are drawing to a close in the Western church. Persecution is coming for us just as much as it has already existed in other parts of the world. Time is short. What is our primary purpose here? That has to be our focus. Why does God have us here?

            1. To love Him with all our hearts, minds, souls, and strength
            2. To love others with His love
            3. To bring glory to Him
            4. To shine for the Kingdom and draw many to Christ
            5. To be salt and light in a decaying and dark world

            This life is not about us. Our lives belong to Christ now that He is LORD. The question is not “what do I want to do and what would I like?” The question is, “Where does He want me? Where does He desire to use me? How might God want to pour through me to impact this dying world for Him?”

            I must desire Him far above all else – and I must desire His will and His purposes to be accomplished.

            As David Platt describes, we are no longer on a luxury cruise. This is not vacation. This is not peace time. It is war time. We are on a Navy boat and we have a mission, a Commander, and orders to carry out. How does God want to accomplish His mission through me today? Even if it is my wedding anniversary and my husband is not on board with my marriage? Perhaps God wants to use me to bless my husband for the sake of the Kingdom even if we don’t celebrate the way I would like today. Perhaps God wants me to use this limited amount of time where I can still share Christ freely to build the kingdom for Him.

            Russia passed a new law just last month. Believers cannot share Christ with anyone without written permission from the government or they face a large fine and jail time. They can’t witness about how to receive Christ at home, online, in their churches, in public, or anywhere without written permission from the government. Our brothers and sisters around the world are facing persecution, loss of their jobs, loss of their homes, loss of family members, torture, imprisonment, and death for the sake of Christ. He is WORTHY of all of that sacrifice!

            Many in the USA are now losing their jobs if they say they believe God’s Word is true about marriage or about creation.

            We are living in times where either God will bring about a massive Great Awakening like nothing we have ever seen (which is my prayer) or we will see this nation and this culture fall under the judgment of a holy, righteous God for our sin.

            This moves me to tears of grief over our country and over the state of the church in the West. We are sick! We are filled with gangrene. We are dying. We are weak and impotent. But – God often uses persecution to cut off the dead and dying parts and restore us to spiritual health which we desperately need.

            If we can keep the big picture in mind – perhaps our perspective may change dramatically.

            Much love to all!

          3. What I mean, brothers and sisters, is that the time is short. From now on those who have wives should live as if they do not; those who mourn, as if they did not; those who are happy, as if they were not; those who buy something, as if it were not theirs to keep; those who use the things of the world, as if not engrossed in them. For this world in its present form is passing away. 1 Corinthians 7:29-31

            Exalting Christ is the goal!!! Walking in obedience to Him is what matters. Allowing Him to accomplish His good purposes through us to reach the billions of people who are lost and dying and heading for hell is our mission.

  2. Hi April (and everyone),

    I’ve been around, but every time I comment from my ipad, it locks up and deletes it. I am trying the laptop this time.

    I’ve had an “eh” summer. We just dropped our oldest off at college yesterday and that was very emotional for all of us. When my sister went to college, I didn’t even realize it – we were so not friends. But my sons are very close and it has been very hard on them. Plus we homeschool, so we are used to being together. But our oldest is very bright, and God opened amazing doors for him, and he felt led to take the opportunity. He is only 1.5 to 2 hours away, so that’s good, but we still miss him terribly – already!

    What was supposed to be a fun filled last summer with the whole family at home turned into hours upon days upon weeks in the hospital with my MIL. She is 66 and was diagnosed with severe, inoperable heart failure. It has been a very emotional and trying time for all of us. She is home now, but still requires a great deal of care. She is understandably depressed, and her attitude has been simply awful. I feel so badly for her, I cannot imagine the emotions she is feeling, but to be honest, the mood swings and temper tantrums can be simply exhausting. Please pray for her.

    And so, here I am again. Finding myself wallowing in the self-pity of my husband’s lack of attraction and love for me. Back at square one. Behind square one. Frustrated with his lack of interest in me, and beyond frustrated with his flowery words that I can not bring myself to believe. And feeling selfish for not being stronger, happier, a better wife. Feeling guilty for not being a better Christian. Yesterday was so bad, sometimes I just want to give up on the whole mess.

    I was reading that book, and running, and feeling better. And then life happened. And everything got pushed aside. And I’m lower than I was when I started. At least I’m seeing the problem. Although there’s a big part of me that wants to release my husband so he can hook up with a woman he can actually bring himself to be attracted to. He has never asked for this, but I want him to be happy, and I don’t think I’m the one who can do that for him. I myself will never love again, but I desperately want him to find happiness (which he claims he has with me, but I can tell by his actions he’s just saying that). Every adult conversation we attempt to have ends with his anger. I’m so tired of being yelled at. And when I ask him to stop he says, “I’M NOT YELLING!!” It’s insane, like he’s not in the same discussion.

    I’m just so tired. And I feel like it will never get any better, it just keeps getting worse.

    1. Becca,

      You have had quite a summer, my sister! WHEW!

      I think you are actually doing better than you think you are – or the way you are writing and the tone is infinitely better than before when you were really struggling, at least. But – I am sure you need some time alone with God to allow Him to restore your soul and to just rest in Him and also to get some physical rest.

      That voice that is telling you those things about releasing your husband so he can be happy – that is the enemy, Becca. Please kick that voice to the curb. Get back into your quiet time and your prayer time and reading the book. Get back into taking your thoughts captive and seeking God wholeheartedly and let Him transform your mind, heart, and soul. Focus on your walk with Christ. Don’t believe all of the thoughts and feelings you are having right now. Many of them are unreliable at this point.

      Praying for you, my sister!

      1. Thank you, April. I’ll try. And thank you for pointing out that I sound better. I was starting to feel like all had been for naught, but you have encouraged me.

        I also appreciate you saying not to believe all the thoughts and feelings I am having right now. I have felt so emotional lately, and at times, far from God. Sometimes a whole day will go by and I’ll think “did I even pray today?” A long time ago I read an author who said “Bible before belly” pointing out that we don’t forget to eat real food, so why do we neglect our spiritual food. That helped me get into the habit of reading my Bible each morning. But lately, I’ve been reading quickly and without focus. So while the “habit” is there, the comprehension has not been. I need to step back and refocus.

        Thank you for the encouragement and the prayers!

        1. Becca,
          As you plug back into the Word, prayer for yourself, praise, thanksgiving, and asking God to help you see lies and tear them out and replace them and build your life on His truth – you will regain His strength. You don’t have strength on your own. You can’t spiritually starve yourself for days, weeks, or months and be strong any more than you could physically starve yourself for that long and have physical strength.

          Praying for you to have some time with God to be still and to allow Him to restore your soul. Then you can move forward as you abide in Him and allow His Spirit to transform, purify, fill, and empower you. 🙂

          Much love, my precious sister!

        2. Hi Becca, I am wondering if you might possibly be interested in talking with me privately (email)? I have followed your story for a while now and we have a lot in common (age, kids, time married etc.). I have a lot of the same struggles as you. I would be honored if we could help each other.
          Thank you!

    2. Becca, I just wanted to thank you for posting about your mother-in-law. It has helped me as our family is in a similar situation and it is hard.
      His grace is all we need and his power is made perfect in weakness.
      Praying for you and your family xx

      1. Thank you, Cariad! I will be praying for you and your family as well. Thank you for reminding me of His grace. He has poured His grace upon us, but it is so good to be reminded, to recognize it, and refocus on that wonderful truth. Thank you!

  3. This is a good post. I had to learn to let go of the anniversary expectations, the pressures the world tries to put on us about making that day special. Ultimately what we want to do is to celebrate our love a little bit every day of the year, not burden ourselves with expectations and demands on just one day.

    We have had some lovely, romantic getaaways, and we have also just stayed home and built a doghouse together. Once we almost forgot our anniversary, both of us, and simply ran off to have dinner together at the last moment.

    I like to give my husband gifts that are kind of feminine, that you would normally associate with women. I buy him flowers sometimes, or chocolates. It’s a bit funny, he’s a rough and tumble guy, but I think he appreciates his roses now and than. Men don’t often get flowers and I think some of them appreciate flowers as much as the rest of us.

    1. insanitybytes22,

      I like that idea. 🙂 Celebrate your love a little bit every day and not burden yourselves with demands and expectations on one day. 🙂

      Thanks for sharing your insights and what works for y’all! Love it!

  4. Over the past several years, I found it increasingly hard to find a greeting card for my husband for his birthday or our anniversary that I could give him because none of the messages seem to “fit.” It was so difficult to find a card one year, that I had to make an anniversary card using a card creator software package.

    It would be so painful for me to read through the greeting cards at the store because they would remind me of what my husband of 24 years never was for/to me. I would see messages similar to “We have been best friends,” or “you have been by my side,” or “thanks for being there for me,” or “our love has grown,” etc.

    However, after much, much prayer, I decided to buy cards that would describe my “dream” husband and give those to my husband to make him think that he was the greatest husband out there! I don’t know if doing this is a form of lying, but it has taken away the pain that I used to feel when card shopping.

    Thanks to your ministry, April, I am constantly asking God to change me even if my husband never changes!

    1. Ann,

      I’m so glad you are focusing on becoming the woman God calls you to be. That is awesome! I know it can be very lonely and painful at times. Praying for God to empower you to be faithful to Him and to continue to abide in Him and to be filled up with His Spirit, my dear sister!

      Some husbands may also appreciate a card that says something a wife genuinely respects about them: their work ethic, their good stewardship with money, their loyalty, their parenting, their handiness around tools, their ability with yard work, their ability with numbers, the strengths of their personality, etc…

      Praying for God’s healing for you both, my sister!

    2. That sounds like a Laura Doyle type concept. By ascribing attributes to your husband that you would like to see in cards, or even in your daily conversations you might find that he either starts to work on being those thing, or you may find he is exhibiting those traits and you haven’t noticed.For both husbands and wives our view and approach to marriage determines what we see as reality.
      As an idea for an anniversary gift, however, my most memorable anniversaries have been the ones in which she giver herself to me completely if only for the day. Meaning we spend time talking about us, just having fun with each other and putting everyone and everything else aside.

      1. I was going to say the same thing about Laura Doyle — she calls it a “spouse-fulfilling prophecy”, I think.

  5. (FROM PEACEFULWIFE – trigger alert for some of you, ladies. If your husband doesn’t give you cards and that is a difficult issue for you – please skip this comment.)

    I’ve gotten some interesting cards over the years from my husband, and oh, how I treasure them! One year he photo-copied our marriage certificate and wrote in it like a card. Another year, he took a piece of scrap wood from the garage and carved “I love you” into it. Some years he will get me a store-bought card, but nothing compares to these darling little home-made ones. I guess my point is that gift-giving and card exchanging doesn’t have to be flashy. The ones that come from the heart are truly the best!

    1. Mrs. G.,

      Wow! He really did a great job coming up with creative ideas to show his love for you. So precious!

      I love handmade cards and gifts the most, too. 🙂 Thank you for sharing!

    2. You should probably consider posting a trigger alert over Mrs. G’s post. I could see that reading that might be very, very painful for women who do not have a husband who is able to give cards “that come from the heart.” Just an observation.

  6. This is a great article. I was wondering last month if I should buy my husband an expensive gift for his birthday that’s he’s been wanting. I’ve always been the saver and he has been the spender, so I thought I’d go out of my comfort zone to surprise him. He was ecstatic at the moment and was grateful. But it didn’t really improve our marriage like I thought it would. I thought he would see my effort of changing and he’d change too and when he didn’t, I became resentful and regretted buying him the gift. That’s when I realized I probably bought the gift without the right motives. I was trying to still change him, instead of giving him a gift without any motives behind it. Plus buying the gift, while he did enjoy it, didn’t make him love me more or less. He told me he would of been just happy with the cake I made. He was also concerned about what he was going to do for me now for my birthday. Will I never give him a gift again? No, but next time I’ll make sure it’s a gift of love and not manipulation, even though I thought I was doing the right thing at first.

    1. LinseyAK,

      I’m so glad you were able to see your motives – even if it was in hindsight. Perhaps this experience will help you as you make decisions in the future to be able to give more freely and to be able to discern your motives with God’s Spirit’s help. I appreciate you sharing this so much! 🙂

      1. Thank you so much for your guidance and wisdom. I’m not really sure how I came upon your site, but I found it a year ago before I accepted Jesus as my Savior. My marriage was on the brink of divorce and I was miserable. I followed your advice along with other books that you have recommended. It did help, but things did not truly change until I found God. Now with God and help from people like you, my marriage is so much better. I grew up in a family where my mom wore the pants. My dad was easy going so it worked for them. However, not so much with my husband. I never knew there was another way! I thought I married a jerk! Im so happy I found another way. I have a wonderful husband. I just couldn’t see how my control and fear were changing him into what I feared! I still have a lot of changing to do, but if I compare it to a year ago, it’s like night and day! Thank you so much for your experience and wisdom!

        1. LinseyAK,

          How I praise God that He has drawn you to Himself and for all that He is doing in your life and marriage! WOOHOO!!!!! 🙂

          I’m so thankful we can walk this road together and be an encouragement to each other.

          Much love my sweet sister! Let me know if you want to talk about anything else. 🙂

  7. Hi April. I’ve never posted anything on a blog before… Don’t even have a Facebook account. But early this morning I was desperately searching for answers and help. I stumbled on an old post ‘I’m going to stop pursuing my husband.’
    God’s hand must have been in this. I’ve struggled my whole 25 years of marriage, with feeling loved and cherished. It’s been baggage that I carried down the isle on our wedding day. And I’ve been begging him to show me his love ever since.
    On your site this morning I keep reading bits of my story over and over in other women’s comments. My husband is the only man I’ve ever been with, he’s a good and godly man who works hard to provide, he’s wise and we have a comfortable life. He has been faithful to me both in his sexual purity and in standing with me through depression when many men would have left.
    My man is also introverted, even with me a man of few words, and unaffectionate unless we’re in the bedroom or at least clearly on our way. Mix that with my insatiable need for affirmation and it’s been quite an emotional challenge to say the least.
    I Am blessed in so many ways, and yet my heart still aches for more love… For feeling loved. I’ve still struggled off and on with depression and anxiety all these years. Lately the anxiety has been crazy and through the roof. I’m beginning to see how needy I am in our marriage and had even begun to wonder if my husband has been my idol. Now I KNOW he has been. Along with this yearning to feel loved. This has caused huge emounts of both quiet and outspoken pain in my heart. I know what it feels like to have a broken heart and feel lonely even when someone loves you and sleeps beside you.
    But God has been in this and I believe he has a purpose and plan…. If I can just get there. Guess I’m a little impatient too.
    Thank you so much for this blog! For giving me hope and for pushing me to focus on my relationship with Jesus.
    One thing I wanted to ask….your disclaimer sounded like your blog is meant for domineering women with more of an A type personality. I have friends like that. That’s not quite me though. I’m somewhere between A and B, leaning toward B. Is this blog still for me? I’ve just spent the last three hours reading your posts and listening to a couple videos. And it seems to be written for me in so many regards.

    1. Rose,
      It is so wonderful to meet you, my dear sister! 🙂 I am thankful you commented today. What an answer to my prayers that God has brought you here and that you are beginning to find hope in Christ.

      I believe that this blog will have many posts that will be helpful for you. Every post doesn’t fit everyone – but I think probably 80-90% would likely fit your situation.

      Your husband sounds a lot like mine. And your response sounds a lot like mine for over 14 years in our marriage. My husband is also very introverted and quiet on a good day – but I spent so many years criticizing, judging him, looking down on him, demanding his attention/time/affection, telling him what he needed to do to change, etc… he REALLY shut down and became even more unplugged with all of that going on. Greg is also a man of few words. He doesn’t give many compliments. He also doesn’t give much criticism and never makes demands. He is thoughtful and very handy around the house – preferring to show his love by providing financially and by doing renovation projects and helping with the kids’ homework and helping with chores or getting what I need from the store if I am sick. He is also my IT guy with my ministry and all of our electronics and keeps everything running – which I couldn’t do on my own!

      Would you be interested in doing a spiritual check-up with me so I can get a bit of a pulse on where you are with Christ and what the primary roadblocks are for you at the moment? 🙂

      I also invite you to search my home page search bar for things like:

      – emotionally distant husband
      – introverted
      – space
      – signs your husband may be feeling disrespected
      – what is disrespectful to husbands
      – what is respect in marriage
      – control
      – husband idol
      – idol/idols/idolatry
      – enmeshed, oneness, closeness
      – needy and clingy
      – I want to feel loved
      – A Fellow Wife (all of her posts are about similar issues as what you are describing)
      – bitterness
      – fear
      – discontentment
      – contentment
      – insecurity
      – security
      – worry
      – spiritual causes of anxiety and depression

      The videos may also be a blessing. I am so excited that God has allowed me to share some of the treasures that He has shown me and other women so that you might get to experience more of Him and His healing in your life! 🙂

      I can’t wait to see what God is about to do! 🙂

      Much love!

      1. Wow… Our husbands REALLY sound a lot alike. God really does work in mysterious ways! Just this morning I stumbled upon your blog… a stranger living a thousand miles away. And now I feel so encouraged by your reply, as if it were sent by a dear friend. April, God has clearly given you a gift of empathy and encouragement 🙂
        What’s evolved in the spiritual checkup you mentioned?

        1. Rose,

          Isn’t God amazing!?!? 🙂 I’m so thankful for the way He works.

          This is exactly what the Body of Christ is supposed to be, in my view. So thankful we can walk this road of faith together and bless and encourage each other, sharing the treasures of heaven together.

          The check up would involve me asking some questions to get a bit of a spiritual pulse on you – take all the time you need to answer. The more deeply you can dig, the better:

          1. What do you most desire in your marriage and what are your expectations of your husband? Where did those expectations come from?

          2. What do you most desire in your walk with Christ? What are your expectations of Him?

          3. What do you believe you need to be completely content in life?

          4. What are your greatest fears?

          5. Where do you look for security?

          6. Is there any bitterness in your heart against God, your husband, or anyone else?

          7. What does your time with God look like? How much time do you spend with Him? What do you pray about? Do you spend time in thanksgiving, confession, and praise?

          6. What causes you to feel loved?

  8. Here’s a link to a song that’s become my prayer and hearts cry, Walk in your ways by Southland Worship. Here are a few lyrics.. they mean even more to me today,

    “Lord help me set aside the things that hold me back.
    I want to walk in your ways.
    Help me to lay down every idol in my life.
    I want to walk in your ways.
    Spirit come consume my every thought
    create in me a holy heart
    that is set apart
    Lord come and search me deep within
    renew my love for you again
    I want to know your heart”

    While it’s obviously not God’s wish for me to set aside my marriage, it is his will for me to stop making idols of my husband and my emotional needs.
    Please take the time to listen. I promise you’ll be blessed 🙂

    1. Rose, yes, you have a friend here with April -she is a blessing to so many!

      Thank you for sharing this and I, too, am excited by what God is about to do. If your heart’s cry is what this song is saying, then you can be sure that His Spirit will complete the work that He’s already begun in you. And you will find your contentment and joy in Christ because only He satisfies fully and will never let us down.

  9. I have a little time today as wait to get my hair cut.

    What is a wedding anniversary?

    It should be a day to remember the vows you made with your spouse and a time to recommit.

    Let us hope that when we made those vows that we listened at least as much as we spoke.

    With this in mind perhaps the thing to do is to listen, listen and be guided by Our Lord but also in the days and weeks before, listen to the silence that lives between you and your spouse. I read a very interesting book, a novel that speaks very strongly about the idea of sanctuary, that safe place, where one can take refuge, typically a church or other place of worship. But in the book the writer spoke of a place of compassion that lives between one individual and another. That is a also sanctuary, a safe place.

    The following may well trigger anger and upset for those in dark days of marriage but, please do know that I have also been in a similar place.

    I am not foolish enough to believe that safe sanctuary place is easy for many people, I have struggled to find it in my own marriage, and yet as I held my wife this morning I said and meditated on these words that came to my mind.

    I want you to feel these arms around you,
    Even when I cannot be there,
    These arms are my protection for you,
    Protection and safety for you!
    Certainty that I am always there
    In days past when
    They were not there for you,
    For I did not know to love you.
    But now, He, Jesus Christ,
    Shows me an example,
    He shows me how to be strong for you,
    To love you and make a safe place for you,
    Only with His example
    Can I love you,
    Only with His example
    Can I put sin and shamefulness
    Behind me.
    He allows me to walk ever closer with Him.

    And this is for a wife who is not a believer. She is a person of principles but believes that she can do all through her own will.

    And also remember as a wife you can ask, men don’t make good mind readers on the whole, it may be less of a surprise but that is also fine. Ask and then listen, listen not only to the words but also the tone and what is not said.

    I’m not sure if this is of any help at all, but maybe yes,
    Jesuscentreoflife

    1. Thanks for this, jesuscentreoflife – you are an encouragement! Can I ask what you mean by the statement that a wife can ask and then listen? Ask what, specifically — or are you just saying that a wife can initiate conversation and be willing to listen to make a safe place/sanctuary between the wife and husband.

      This is beautiful. I love the language of “sanctuary” and the thoughts you shared!!! Thank you so much!!!

      1. Dear ContentinChrist, that is exactly what I mean. When we as brothers and sisters walk with Jesus, I think that we learn to open the space between ourselves and others which is safe. I think that husbands are often grouchy, frustrated and easily ticked off, because their wives don’t open that safe place to their husbands only their children.

        Also if you ask for example, do you want to go out for dinner on our anniversary, and the response is: we could, then perhaps, without being naggy, say what is it that you would like? Maybe a quiet evening after a long day is more appealing.

        It is like asking Our Jesus, then listen with your heart, your ears and your eyes, does that help?
        Jesuscentreoflife

  10. Some thoughts from a man’s perspective. In my case the mariage is hmmm tense. I have spent a fair bit of time thinking, praying, wondering, researching, learning, talking.

    Firstly I would recomend that everyone read “the five love languages”. To me teh take homes were that different people have different ways that they perceive love. The problem becomes that we tend to speak ie give out our love language. We need to work out what is our partners love language and even though it is not our own we need to speak that love language to our partner. When we are dating we tend to speak all the languages so our partner will hear or perceive their love language. As we go through life and esp if the marriage gets a little tense then we tend to retract into just speaking our own love language.

    So my love language is physical touch. Touch for me conveys love. I like to be touched. My wife’s love languages are acts of service and words of encouragement. So she likes to do things for people and she likes to say encouraging words. and vis versa. So I need to do thing for her and say nice things to her. And the flip side is that if I blow off and shout at her then she will take that harder than a person for whom words are not a love language.

    The next thing I would say is don’t judge. I feel very judged by my wife. I have some kinky sexual turn ons. I made the mistake of sharing these thought / feelings / desires with her. Big H U G E mistake. Her response was along the lines that I was sick, broken, damaged, needed to be fixed. It seemed to me that anything I expressed an interest in she was suddenly against it. I would say “gee I’d really find it exciting if you were to wear a short skirt”. Suddenly short skirts are totally out. She’s too old, no good for being active, too informal, the list goes on. Tea and coffee were out. It even got to the point where I was trying to organise a joy flight over our city for her birthday and when I told her that she anounced that she does not like light planes. Un safe and so on. Then one day we are at an old friends house and they offerred her a cup of tea and she said yes. Another time we were with a group doing a tourist thing and there was an opportunity to take a scenic flight and catch up with the bus. I said I’ll take the kids and see you at the next stop and suddenly she’s OK with light planes. I could go on and maybe I am in the wrong but it just seems sad to me.

    I would love to have my wife as my confidante but no more. Not being deep seems to be the way to keep the peace. I come to places like this to pour out my feelings and thoughts. Then go home and smile and keep my opinions to my self.

    What would she like for an aniversery present. A card, a clean house, a smile, the words “you are wonderful”, a picnic with the kids.

    So what would I like for my aniversery present? To send the kids off for a sleepover to the grandparents, [edited by Peaceful wife – he described an idea involving intimacy with his wife and baby oil that is not illegal, sinful, or immoral.] Won’t happen. I wont even ask. But that is what I would like. Told you I was a sick kinky B%@$&ard.

    1. Andre,

      Yes, if people can read The 5 Love Languages with an eye for what their spouses need – that book can be really helpful. Thanks for the suggestion!

      I think it does boil down a lot of times to different expectations. Thank you for sharing your perspective on this issue. I appreciate your insights.

      Ladies,

      I think there may be a lot of wisdom we could glean here. Sometimes our husbands may ask us for things that may not be our favorite things. But if it is something that is important to him, perhaps we can stretch a bit out of our comfort zone at times to bless him.

      The short skirt thing – some of you may not want to dress immodestly in public – I know I feel that way. But – if my husband would really like to see me in short skirts, I may be able to wear them around him in private so he gets to enjoy that. Some of you may have body image issues that make you feel really self-conscious about showing skin to your husband. If so, please search my home page for “body image” for some posts that may be healing on this issue.

      Also, let’s try to notice how we treat other people vs. our husbands. If we are willing to do something with other people, but not with our husbands, why are we not being consistent? I know for me in the past in our marriage, I was a big-time people pleaser. But the ironic thing was that I was more of a people pleaser with people I was not as close to. Looking back, I can see where I cared more about the approval of strangers and people I didn’t know as well than I cared about my husband’s feelings. I am not saying we have to do things that really make us afraid – but, let’s think about how a lack of consistency would appear to a husband and how it could cause him to feel less important to us than other people.

      I want our husbands to feel safe confiding in us. If they do confide about something we may feel is a bit “kinky” – perhaps we can try being open to it if it isn’t immoral and doesn’t cause pain or harm to us?

      I would love to see us all seeking to be a blessing to our spouse – even if what speaks blessing to them is different from what speaks blessing to us.

      Thanks for the great discussion!

      1. Andre’s comment makes me kind of sad. To be rejected, made to feel kinky or shameful is pretty hurtful. Someone smart once said that both men and women are modest. Women tend to be modest sexually while men are modest when it comes to feelings. So women often want the door locked and the lights out, feeling out of our comfort zone, potentially unsafe. When it comes to feelings, emotion, men would be mortified, outside of their comfort zone to discuss how they are feeling in public. So women will boldly go forth and immediately speak of our feelings while modestly pulling back from sexual matters. Men will boldly go forth and speak of sexual matters, while suddenly becoming modest when it comes to talking about feelings.

        Understanding these differences really helped me to not take things personally, to recognize this is part of our design. So the trick here is to honor one another’s modesty and to step around it delicately. Men often need to make women feel safe sexually, while women often need to make men feel safe when it comes to the realm of emotions and feelings.

        1. insanitybytes22,

          Oh wow! “Women tend to be modest sexually while men are modest when it comes to feelings.” What a lightbulb moment!!!! I’m so glad you shared that!

          Thank you so much!

        2. Very good advice. I never thought about modesty in that way, especially of men. I will have to be much more aware of that in my man. Thank you very much for that elegant description.

  11. I have an issue that may seem kind of silly, but I can’t come up with a solution. I usually make my husband and young daughter dinner and I usually pack my husband lunches. The problem is that I get really resentful inside when my husband doesn’t thank me for dinner or when he doesn’t offer to clean up. In my family, it was just a given to help with the dishes if the other person cooked. My husband isn’t a very tidy or clean person, but I feel that it is disrespectful to not help out. When I ask for help, he always thinks it is nagging. Once I stopped cooking for him altogether and it got expensive, because he would just buy his lunches and dinners all of the time. That bothered me, so I started cooking again and nothing has changed. I know my motives for cooking dinner are probably not the best, but I’m not sure what to do.

    I have the same situation with making his lunches. He says he likes when I pack his lunch, but he often forgets it or buys lunch anyway, so I feel that it is a lot of time and money wasted. He also forgets to bring back the Tupperware, which drives me bonkers. I also stopped making his lunch once and like with the dinners, it was expensive.

    I’m feeling like I’m making a martyr out of myself and I also feel like his mother in a way. I’m choosing to make dinner and lunches, to save money and nobody is telling me to do it. It’s making me feel resentful, underappreciated, and taken for granted. It also makes me feel unattractive and makes me not attracted to him, because I feel like his mother. Same thing when I clean up after himself. I’m not sure whether or not I need an attitude adjustment or just stop doing things for him? Thanks ! 🙂

    1. Hi LinseyAk,

      I’m not sure if this will help or not, but maybe it will. Early on in our marriage my husband would often forget his lunches so I would either see him out the door with lunch in hand (to give him a kiss goodbye, of course!), or I would put it in his car for him. And I only use plastic baggies so that helps as he can just dispose of them when he’s done.

      As far as the dishes go, I rarely ask him to help unless we’ve had a huge meal like for a holiday or if we’ve had company. But now I have both of my children helping me every night and it is so much fun! I wash and they dry and put away and we have had some of the best conversations doing this. In fact, my husband will often listen to our conversations and chime in from the den. It used to bother me that he didn’t help with the kitchen but I’ve just let it go because I know how tired he is after work and in my doing this it blesses him so much. Turning on some music really helps with this too.

      I realized that it is all in my attitude about it. If I feel resentment, then these things would make me feel like I am mothering him or having to instruct him in every little thing. But if I do it with joy in my heart, then I become his helper…someone who wants to make his life better. It is all in the attitude!

      1. Mrs. G.,

        Thanks for sharing this wisdom with LinseyAK!

        I used to resent making my husband’s lunches, too. Maybe this is a really common thing? I remember resenting that I made lunch for him when he worked, but he never ever made lunch for me when I worked. Sometimes I even threw some verbal barbs at him because of that. Of course, I suppose I could have asked him respectfully to please make lunch for me, and he may have been glad to do it. I don’t really know – because I never approached him respectfully about it.

        Now I have a very different attitude. Now – I think about that God has blessed me with this man. I get to be his wife. I get to be married to him. I realize that this life is short and that tomorrow is not guaranteed. I am thankful to have ways to bless him – even something as small as making his lunch for him. I have spoken with enough widows to know that if something were to happen to my husband tonight – I would sure miss him! And I would WISH I could make his lunches again or clean the bathroom for him again or pick up a pair of dirty socks or whatever. Now I give with a joyful spirit – not out of duty or resentment – but because I am filled up with Christ and want simply to bless Greg – expecting nothing in return.

        God spent a lot of time with me going through my thought life. He showed me how I was listening to the enemy – the accuser – about Greg. And how when I held on to resentment and bitterness, I opened the door of my heart to the enemy – allowing him to come make a fortress in my heart. I let him use my thoughts, my tongue, my attitudes, my words, and my actions to try to destroy Greg. I didn’t realize the source of my thoughts at the time. I thought it was just my own thinking – not temptations from Satan. But all of that ugly sin poisoned me, separated me from fellowship with God, and destroyed my husband and our intimacy on many levels. NOT WORTH IT!

        I invite you to search my home page for a few topics and we can definitely talk as much as you want about these important issues:

        – How I Handle the Toilet Seat Being Left Up and Other Quandaries
        – Bitterness
        – My Demon
        – How Satan Wants to Destroy Your Marriage Through Your Thought Life

        You may also search my Youtube Channel, April Cassidy, for “Taking Our Thoughts Captive”

        As a woman who knows Christ and who submits to Him as LORD, I don’t have to be controlled by my sinful flesh anymore. I can choose to invite God’s Spirit to control me completely. Then I don’t have to be a slave to sinful thoughts and lies of the enemy. I can recognize those poison thoughts and shoot them down in the power of God’s Spirit in me and resist that temptation and fully submit every thought to Jesus.

        As you allow Christ to radically transform your heart, mind, and soul – you won’t even have to think those resentful, bitter thoughts anymore when you have repented of them and invite God to teach you His amazing wisdom and His love and grace.

        Much love!

        1. Now I have a very different attitude. Now – I think about that God has blessed me with this man. I get to be his wife. I get to be married to him. I realize that this life is short and that tomorrow is not guaranteed. I am thankful to have ways to bless him – even something as small as making his lunch for him. I have spoken with enough widows to know that if something were to happen to my husband tonight – I would sure miss him! And I would WISH I could make his lunches again or clean the bathroom for him again or pick up a pair of dirty socks or whatever. Now I give with a joyful spirit – not out of duty or resentment – but because I am filled up with Christ and want simply to bless Greg – expecting nothing in return.

          April,

          Love that part!!!! I agree with you here 100%. Beautifully said!

          Love,
          NB

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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