"Do You Think Women Are Always to Blame For Problems in Marriage?"


I write very specifically for women, and very specifically not for men – although men are welcome here and many find healing in Christ here, too. My calling is Titus 2:3-5 and to “make disciples” for Jesus in the Body of Christ (primarily with women) – part of the Great Commission.

Sometimes, because I only address women and what we can control, some women mis-hear me and think I am somehow saying that women are 100% of the problem in marriage.

Let me be very clear – men and women are both very capable of causing all kinds of problems, pain, and issues in marriage. We are all sinners.

  • For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God. Romans 3:23

When we are not filled with God’s Spirit but the flesh is in control, all of us are capable of destroying our marriages in countless ways. Men and women. When we are filled with God’s Spirit, there is no limit to the goodness that God will bring about in our lives.

– Women are not responsible for 100% of the problems in marriage.

– Men are not responsible for 100% of the problems in marriage.

– We are each (men and women) responsible for our part; our sin and our obedience to Christ. All of us have room to grow.

God’s Word applies to us all!

We are each responsible individually to God for every thought, motive, word, and deed. We are each responsible to God to walk in holiness and obedience to Him and to avoid sin as we allow His Spirit to empower us.


When a wife comments on my blog and she is in great pain in her marriage, here are my goals:

  1. Love her. See her with God’s eyes and with His love.
  2. Sympathize with her pain.
  3. Gently ask some questions so I can get a more accurate picture of where she is spiritually and where her husband is spiritually – kind of a spiritual triage. I think of this site as being like a spiritual ER.
  4. Encourage a wife with extremely severe issues to find a godly, experienced counselor (or medical help, or even police help – whatever is necessary) to work with one-on-one who can get to know her in person and provide the resources she needs if she is dealing with uncontrolled addictions, mental health issues, unrepentant infidelity, or abuse. I want everyone to be safe and to have all of the resources they need for their specific situations.
  5. Address any “bleeding, severe wounds, or major scars” in a wife’s life independently from the issues she has with her husband and of his sins. I ask her to examine her own life against God’s Word and be willing to get rid of any sin she may have been cherishing (knowingly or unknowingly) in her heart so that she can fully yield to Christ as Lord and begin to experience His power and His healing in her own life.
  6. Examine any unbiblical thinking that she may have that could be hindering her spiritual health with the goal of replacing any lies of the enemy with the truth of the Bible.
  7. When she is spiritually “stabilized” in Christ, then she and I can pray together in the power of the Holy Spirit for her husband and for God to draw him to Himself in His timing by His Spirit. Together, we can pray for God to convict her husband that he might also fully submit to Christ as Lord. We can pray for healing for the marriage for God’s glory. But until a woman is in fellowship with Christ, her prayers are not going to be effective. So her spiritual health is my first priority.

The first goal I have is for each woman to be in right standing with Christ. That is the foundation for any other healing that will take place in her life, her husband’s life, and their marriage. 

When she is beginning to be stronger in her faith and is walking more and more in Christ, then she will have His wisdom, power, and guiding about how to handle the specifics in her situation with her husband. And she will have effective and powerful prayers.

If we are clinging to sin, even unknowingly, in our hearts, our prayer lives are very weak. I want each person here to have the strongest, most faith-filled, most powerfully Spirit-filled prayer life ever. I want each woman to be feasting on the Word of God and growing spiritually. Until she is right with God and stabilized spiritually in Christ – she cannot make things right with her husband. We must focus on Christ primarily – then our human relationships.

Once she is filled with Christ and growing, I can encourage her to begin to allow God’s Spirit to pour through her all of the riches and treasures of heaven into her marriage and into her husband’s life.

Each of us – men and women – must be willing to look at our own lives and to be right with God before we can begin to try to make things right with other people. (Matthew 7:1-5)

The ultimate goal I have is that both husband and wife will walk in complete submission to Christ as Lord – experiencing ALL of Himself and ALL of the promises of God and the riches of Christ and the intimacy of knowing Him deeply. Then He heals each person and He heals the marriage many times.

Even if her husband never changes, my greatest desire for each woman here is that she will allow God to change her and that when this short life is over and she stands before God, she will hear Him say, “Well done, My good and faithful servant.”

I can’t heal anyone. But I can point them to Christ Jesus. He is the Great Physician, the Wonderful Counselor, the Sovereign King of kings and Lord of lords. We must all become less and He must become greater in our lives.

Much love to each of you!