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The Tone of Voice Challenge – 5 minute VIDEO



I’d like to encourage you to continue smiling at your husband and children – and now also to begin to focus on having a friendly, pleasant tone of voice whenever possible and whenever appropriate.

  • Just to bless your family.
  • Just to honor God.
  • Just to display the gentleness and love of God through you.
  • Just to share your joy and gratitude in Christ.

We have an incredible amount of power to communicate respect and love or disrespect and contempt through our tone of voice!

Sin that we are blind to is often glaringly obvious to others in our facial expressions, our eyes, our body language, and our tone of voice. I want everything about us to proclaim that God’s Spirit is in charge in our lives, not our sinful flesh.

The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Galatians 5:19-25


I’d love to hear your stories on The Smiling Challenge and The Tone of Voice Challenge!




Bible verses about our speech

The Frustrating Quiet Phase

Does Being a Godly Wife Mean I Can’t Say What I Need and How I Feel?

The Smiling Challenge

The No Arguing or Complaining Challenge

Godly Femininity

16 thoughts on “The Tone of Voice Challenge – 5 minute VIDEO

  1. Thanks for this, April! I really like these challenges!!

    However, I can be forgetful too. Like with the smile challenge, I rarely remember to keep that on the forefront of my mind. So I bought a smiley face ring and a smiley face silicone bracelet. I am hoping these help.

    I also bought two other silicone bracelets to go along with this, and to help me to remember to walk in love. One says Love. The other says Live Love Laugh.

    Lately I also have been putting a rubber band on my wrist. When I am feeling impatient, anxious, or whatever – I play with the rubber band. Sounds weird probably, but it has been helping me, I think. Although, I play with them so much, one rubber band usually breaks after only one day. 🙂

    1. blesseddaughterofaking,

      I’m so glad this is a blessing. 🙂 Sometimes we need reminders about the really simple, basic things. It is often these little things that are the most powerful and can be the most healing in our marriages.

      I did something similar with a rubber band on my wrist, too. So we can both be weird together! 🙂 Ha!

  2. I snapped at my son last week and he got so upset. I was right but I was also stressed out due to husbands long work week which caused me to overreact.. I did apologize later but I cant help but think how I made a stressful moment even worse by venting my own stress. I think this hindsight will help me with future situations. BTW…my marriage has improved 110% April. Divorce is no longer discussed. Now we tell eachother we couldnt live without eachother. Its so sweet.

    1. Marie,

      I am THRILLED and so thankful to God to hear about the healing in your marriage! WOOHOO!!!!!!!!!! Thank you so much for sharing! What a blessing. 🙂

      I also appreciate you talking about the situation with your son. Our reactions as moms have so much power in our children’s lives. How I pray God might empower us with His self-control, gentleness, and grace to be the women, wives, and moms He desires us to be even in the difficult situations.

      Much love to you!

  3. Thanks again April for all your Biblical reminders & teachings. : )
    We are so in need of it in our present culture
    I am so in need of it!.

    God our Fathers blessings & grace in much abundance to you & your family!!!
    – Your fellow sister in Christ our Lord : )

    1. In Christ Alone,

      You are most welcome! We ALL need these kinds of reminders. It’s easy to slip in our self awareness and not realize what we are projecting to our husbands and children.

      Much love!

  4. I’m trying another little sort of challenge…. called the “Don’t say every thought in your head” challenge. And it is challenging!! More so with my children than my husband. I try to ask myself- is this kind to say? Helpful? Uplifting? Needful? before I speak…. of course not all the time- that wouldn’t work very well in quick, casual conversations but I’m working on that as much as possible.

    1. A Fellow Wife,

      Ha! That is a good challenge, too! 🙂 I definitely went through a time of having to be really quiet rather than say everything that popped into my mind like I used to. I like the questions you are asking yourself. That is beautiful! And it is honoring to Christ. 🙂

  5. I’m on board! My son said just the other day that I always sound like I’m mad. I like to think of myself as animated and passionate….but I guess that comes across as anger sometimes!

  6. Based on one’s national and cultural background, this can be particularly challenging. I come from a country where people speak relatively loudly and with passion and emphasis, regardless of whether they are mad/upset or not.

    In college, my American roommate, who was privy to the conversations I was having with my mom over the phone, would always ask me, “Why are you and your mom always fighting?!” And I would have to explain that we were not, that this is how we normally talk. 🙂

    In my current courtship and during disagreements, Mr. Man, who is also American, often says to me, “Why are you yelling at me?” when in fact, in my own mind, “I am just talking! What do you mean I am yelling?!” 🙂

    In preparation for hopefully being a good Christian wife sometime in the near future, I am accepting April’s challenge to try and communicate in a softer, kinder tone–the way Mr. Man understands soft and kind, regardless of what I am used to. This should be fun!

    1. Maine,

      I was having a similar conversation with a girl from New Jersey last week. She said a friend of hers is from New York city – and is in college in the South now. And everyone thinks she is angry all the time – but that is just how she talks. Apparently it is how those around her talked in NY.

      I have seen that these cultural differences – even between different families – can be an issue. If one spouse takes the other as “sounding angry” – that can be a problem.

      Enjoy the challenge! Let me know how it goes! 🙂

  7. A helpful passage regarding how we communicate with others and what we communicate with others:

    “Make a tree good and its fruit will be good, or make a tree bad and its fruit will be bad, for a tree is recognized by its fruit. You brood of vipers, how can you who are evil say anything good? For the mouth speaks what the heart is full of. A good man brings good things out of the good stored up in him, and an evil man brings evil things out of the evil stored up in him. Matthew 12:33-35

    The way we relate to people is about our character and whether the sinful nature is in control or the Spirit of God is in control. Our words (and our non-verbal communication) are the fruit of our character.

  8. Just now starting this challenge. I am not grumpy nor do I nag..but I think I might be a “just the facts” type speaker.
    I first am going to pay attention to what I am used to doing and use that as a guide to speak more pleasantly and warmly.

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