“Why Does She Get a Better Husband Than I Have?”


From a precious sister in Christ regarding the issue of our husbands praying with us. I’m so thankful for her willingness to allow me to share her thoughts:

Just had one of those random thoughts regarding this issue, may have come from breathing chicken feathers while cleaning the hen house, lol!

I was thinking about why it bothers me so much when I hear of other women who have men who seem to fit the ideal image; you know – seriously godly man who takes his walk with Jesus seriously, would rather be found dead than put anything ahead of his Lord, takes discpling and leading his family very seriously, wants to lead his wife and seeks God daily for His direction is in the word, when he’s wrong or has sinned, promptly confesses and does what he can to make it right, etc. You know, the kind of man who is upheld as the male version of the Prov. 31 wife.

I think it triggers twin fears:
1. Another sister has been more loved and favored than I. Why her and not me?
2. And of course, the fear that I have somehow wound up with a “dud” and seriously messed up my life.

Of course both those things are still all focused on me.

Don’t know if this amounts to spiritual sibling rivalry or not, hee hee:) But I think that’s it; no one wants to feel that somehow they’ve missed out and they have something that is of far lesser quality than what others have. It’s said that comparison is the basis of feelings of inferiority and there is some truth to that one. It’s not just when I hear of a sister whose husband takes praying with his wife seriously, but when I hear of other sisters who have husbands who bring them flowers or plan romantic surprises or who put an “equal” [in a woman’s eyes] amount of effort into having a “real” relationship.

Such things touch deeply on root issues in my life that are painful, and on response patterns that probably have something to with what sorts of things continually crop up. And of course there is always the whole thing of wanting our sense of value and worth to come from other people instead of Christ. I realize that in a sense, writing this  –  it certainly gives away that I have some areas where even at the age of 50, it’s like I am still a hurt and jealous, insecure child watching what everyone else has to make sure that I am not getting ripped off somehow. Hardly makes me the sort of woman you’d come to for discipling and wisdom on how to be a mature woman of God.

But scripturally, I realize that this is one of those issues that is a trust in God issue at core. And its one of those places that affords the evil one convenient handles to grab onto and mess with us. Its only in Him that such soul snarls can get worked out. I was thinking of the scripture where one of the disciples asked Jesus about another disciple’s future and Jesus responded by saying, ”What is that to you? Come you after me”.


Verses about coveting/jealousy


Fear Fuels Our Need to Control

Facing Our Deepest Fears

Experiencing God’s Victory over Our Fears

The Snare of Comparing

The Roots of Insecurity

Trying to Find Security in All the Wrong Places

Christ Is the Only Real Source of Security!

Godly Femininity