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My Identity in Christ – the ONLY Source of My Power, Strength, Hope, Security, Peace, and Joy!

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If I have received the death of Christ on my behalf (to make me right with God) and have surrendered all of myself and my life to Him as Lord, I have a very specific identity in Christ that I must always keep in mind. Any time that the enemy tries to throw me off balance or attack me in some way, I need to go back to the basics of who Jesus is, what Jesus has done for me, and who I am in God’s eyes when I belong to Christ Jesus.

WHO I WAS

  • I was a wretched sinner, hopeless, without any ability to do anything good in God’s eyes, unable to make myself right with God and condemned in the eyes of the One True Almighty God. (Romans 3:23, Isaiah 64:6, Romans 3:12, John 3:18)
  • I deserved and earned hell – eternal punishment and separation from the only God who is completely holy and unable to tolerate any sin in His presence. (John 3:18, Romans 6:23, Revelation 21:8, Revelation 20:15)
  • I was a slave to sin and couldn’t possibly do anything that was pleasing to God. (Romans 8:6-8, Romans 6:16)
  • Righteousness had no control over me. (Romans 6:20)
  • I was controlled by my sinful flesh and my mind was death. (Romans 8:6)
  • I was hostile toward God. (Romans 8:7)

What I am about to share below is the Truth from God’s Word. These are ironclad promises to those who are in Christ Jesus. If what I believe about myself does not line up with Scripture, and I belong to Christ, I need to trash my old thoughts and embrace and cling to God’s Truth about me. These are all things I already possess in Christ if I am His!

Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30

I can REST in what Jesus has done for me that I could never do!

WHO I AM IN CHRIST NOW THAT I HAVE RECEIVED CHRIST AS MY SAVIOR AND LORD

  • God is my Lord and my King! He is my Master. I have fully yielded control of my life to Him and trusted Him with everything.
  • God counts Jesus’ life as if it were my life. When God looks at me, because I am in Christ, He sees Jesus’ holiness and obedience and His perfect, sinless life.
  • God counts Jesus’ death as if it were my death. I have died to this world. I have died to my mortal life here. I have died to my sin. God counts me as having died with Jesus when He died. (Romans 6:3-14, Romans 8:10)
  • God counts Jesus’ resurrection from the dead and His victory over sin as my resurrection and my victory! (Romans 6:3-14, Romans 8:10-11))
  • God accepted Jesus’ payment for my sin on the cross. The holiness, righteousness, and obedience of Christ was placed in my bank account. I was a debtor to God. I owed Him “billions of sin dollars” that I could never repay. But Jesus more than paid for all of my sin on the cross. I owe nothing to God now. I am “justified” before Him which is an accounting term. My account has been paid in full. (Romans 8:30) I have complete and total peace with God.
  • I am alive to God in Christ! (Romans 6:11)
  • I am seated with Christ at the right hand of the Father in heaven. (Ephesians 2:6, Colossians 3:1)
  • Jesus gave ALL of Himself for me. He died for me. He paid for my sin. He raised me to new life in Himself. He gave me access to all that He possesses. I am His joint heir. I possess all of the riches of heaven. (Romans 8:17)
  • I now give ALL of myself to Jesus. I hold nothing back from Him and allow Him full access to all that I am and all that I possess. I pick up my cross daily and follow Him. I yield control to Him of every aspect of my life. He is LORD of all in my life. (Luke 9:23, 2 Corinthians 5:15, Romans 10:9, Luke 6:46)
  • No weapon formed against me shall prosper. (Isaiah 54:17)
  • I possess heavenly weapons to tear down demonic and sinful strongholds and every argument and pretension that has lifted itself up against Christ. (2 Corinthians 10:4-5)
  • I can take every thought captive for Christ and not be at the mercy of lies or sinful thoughts but have Jesus’ victory over them! (2 Corinthians 10:5)
  • I have the full armor of God – the helmet of salvation, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of readiness, the belt of truth, the shield of faith, and the sword of the Word of God. (Ephesians 6:10-17)
  • In Christ, I have victory over sin and am no longer a slave to sin but now I am a slave to righteousness! (Romans 6:3-14, Romans 8:5-9)
  • If I do sin, I can confess my sin and turn from it, turning to Christ and God will forgive me and cleanse me from all unrighteousness. (1 John 1:9)
  • God no longer condemns me because I am in Christ! I am set free from the law of sin and death!!! (Romans 8:1)
  • Christ and His grace are more than sufficient for me in any circumstance. His power is made perfect in my weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9)
  • I can be content in every situation through Christ who gives me strength. (Philippians 4:12-13)
  • God’s Spirit is in control of my life now, so my mind is life and peace. (Romans 8:6)
  • By the Spirit, I have the power to put to death the misdeeds of the body. (Romans 8:13)
  • I am led by the Spirit of God. (Romans 8:14)
  • I am a daughter of God and I no longer have to be afraid!!! (Romans 8:15)
  • I share with the sufferings of Christ now and then get to share in His glory in heaven. (Romans 8:17)
  • God’s Spirit Himself intercedes for (prays for) me with groans that words cannot express in accordance with God’s will. (Romans 8:26-27)
  • Jesus intercedes for me at the right hand of God the Father. (Hebrews 4:25)
  • God knew me before He created the world. (Romans 8:29)
  • God predestined me to be conformed to the image of His Son. (Romans 8:29)
  • God called me. (Romans 8:30)
  • God justified me – made my account right with Him through Christ’s death on the cross and my acceptance of that gift of grace. (Romans 8:30)
  • God glorified me – this will happen when I enter heaven. (Romans 8:30)
  • God alone is the Judge and He is the Executioner. If God is for me, no one can be against me! (Romans 8:31-34)
  • God loved me so much that He was willing to give up His only Son for me before I even loved Him, how much more will He now graciously give me all things? (Romans 8:32)
  • Nothing can separate me from the love of Christ! (Romans 8:35-39)
  • God is sovereign and has designed everything in my life, including suffering, to mold me more and more into the image of Christ and to bring me into greater maturity in my faith. (Romans 8:28-29, James 1:2-4, Hebrews 12, I Peter, Job)
  • I am more than a conqueror through Christ who loved me! (Romans 8:37)
  • When I fully submit to Christ as Lord, He fills me with His Spirit and I am overflowing with His supernatural love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23)
  • I can receive ALL that Christ has done for me and all that He has given to me. No one can take away the joy Christ gives me. (John 16:22)
  • God will cause me to continue to grow and mature and will complete the good work He began in me. (Philippians 1:6)

This is not everything that I am in Christ, but it is a good start. πŸ™‚

MORE WAYS I CAN GROW IN CHRIST

ON CHRIST THE SOLID ROCK I STAND

https://www.youtube.com/embed/GswGE6rQhmE“>

DAVID PLATT SERMON – THE DISCIPLE’S IDENTITY IN CHRIST PART 1

97 thoughts on “My Identity in Christ – the ONLY Source of My Power, Strength, Hope, Security, Peace, and Joy!

  1. Dear Peacefulwife

    I have been thinking about exactly what you have written today, who we are in Christ and who Christ is to us!

    Thank you and God’s blessing and peace on you and your family!

    1. Smartburgher,

      I’m so glad you have been thinking about these precious foundational truths, as well. Such a blessing! May God continue to richly bless your walk with Christ and your marriage and family, as well!

  2. Wow I want to write that on my children’s bedroom walls and ceilings to remind them who they are in Christ.

  3. Dear April!
    This is Anna (living with a husband and his grandmother) in a foreign country. Thank so much for your posts. Things are just getting so complicated. My husband’s country economy collapses: his salary got cut dramatically, and I nearly lost my business. On top of that, the unemployment tax has been introduced here recently that whoever doesn’t find a job till July, will have to pay it, and I fall under this category. The government threatened me with a fine just some weeks ago, luckily, it was their mistake, otherwise I wouldn’t have necessary resources to pay it πŸ™ I am desperately looking for a job now, but people are laid off everywhere here, I had three interviews, but no real job offers.

    I tried to talk with my husband about it all, but he just insists that I continue staying here, otherwise if I return home, i will fail God… Yes, I understand that it isn’t ideal, but if living here becomes too expensive, then what? My parents keep helping us out financially, which I feel guilty about as they are pensioners, and my dad, being nearly 70, still has to continue working to support himself and my mum… I wish I could help them out not vise versa… If not for that tax, I could probably continue, but I don’t know what to do with this tax, I would become indebted, and then what? I just wish to find the solution…:(

    1. Anna,

      My precious sister – what a difficult situation it sounds like the whole country faces right now. πŸ™

      Please honor your husband’s leadership. He is guiding you. Trust God to lead you through him. If it becomes too expensive, you and your husband will talk and God will help to direct your husband about what to do. I assume you have shared with your husband that you don’t want to be in debt and that you don’t want your parents to help you?

      Let’s pray that God might direct your husband and your circumstances. There is MUCH power in prayer, my beautiful sister! That is the only place where we have power. God can change things that we cannot change and His understanding is FAR above our own.

      Praying for you!

    2. Thanks a lot for your prayers, dear April! Yes, I have shared with him that I don’t want to be in debt and I don’t want my parents to help out, but he just says that everything will be fine, which doesn’t really convince me as things are just getting worse and worse. It also started affecting my feelings towards my husband. If things go the way they are, I will have to skip my niece’s important event: her starting school this year, I will feel very sad if I won’t be present with her then. Also, my best friend has a wedding coming soon, and this situation also puts a great question mark on my attending it. Frustration builds inside me, I cry a lot, I am so tired of this trap of dilemmas. Everybody keeps saying – you have your husband by your side, but I feel so lonely, trying to solve everything…

      1. Anna,

        I am not sure that you need to try to figure all of this out on your own. I think your husband may be trying to lead you – but it may not be the direction you want to go. Is that possible? And – is it possible that God may be leading you through your husband – but that maybe you are resisting?

        With Jesus, you are NOT alone! Not ever! And you don’t have to be the one to figure everything out and make it all work out.

        How is your time with Christ and your prayer life going?

        Are you willing to leave these things in God’s hands and trust Him with them, trusting Him to lead you through your husband?

        Much love!
        April

    3. Maybe it would be better if your husband wasn’t dependent on his in laws for money. Maybe he would choose a different course of action if he didn’t have that to rely on. It sounds like you are scrambling for solutions and he is more laid back about it. If you stop trying to find solutions, your husband may start taking more of the burden which might be a good thing. Sorry that you are struggling, it is so hard when you don’t know what will happen.

      1. Janis,

        I agree – I used to spend so much time, effort, and energy scrambling trying to figure things out and fix them and prevent “disasters.” But it was not until I stepped back and waited that my husband began to lead. He was totally capable of leading, but I had to get out of the way and stop rushing in to try to fix things.

        Really great point, my sweet sister!

        Thanks for encouraging our beautiful sister in Christ, Anna!

        1. Thank you very much, lovely ladies! Let God bless you abundantly! True, I try to fix many things by myself, got used to that and it’s actually quite hard to unlearn. Also, one of the things that I am worried concerning finances is the thing that I live in a foreign country and need money to visit home whereas my husband has the majority of his relatives where we are, so limited budget would mean me visiting my relatives less, which does frustrate me quite a bit πŸ™

          1. Anna,

            It is VERY hard to unlearn trusting self and depending on self – and yet, we ALL must learn this lesson if we are to follow Christ. None of us can escape that. We all have different trials and circumstances that teach us these things, but this is something we must learn.

            Here is something to consider, my sweet sister…

            Our God is sovereign. He is SO sovereign that if He wants you to visit your family, He can and will provide a way. He is also so sovereign that if He does not want you to visit your family for some reason, He can stop you from being able to go – and He may have good reasons to do so that you may not understand until much later – if at all, in this lifetime.

            We will pray for God’s will regarding your ability to visit your family. My prayer is that you will decide to be content in Christ whether you get to travel to see your family or not, and that you will seek to honor your husband’s leadership and trust God and rest in His sovereignty, love, and provision – allowing Him to form Christ in you through this trial.

            Much love to you!

          2. Thanks a lot for encouragement, April! Your words are really soothing to me πŸ™‚ Several days ago one sister in Christ tried to communicate the same idea to me, but she did it in a rather harsh way that made me really upset, but the way you communicate builds me up, not tears me down, be blessed! πŸ™‚

          3. Anna,

            I have been in such a similar situation, my dear sister. I can FEEL your pain vividly! How I long for you to experience the power, peace, presence, joy, and will of God for your life and to avoid the mistakes and the road of bondage that I traveled.

            Much love to you!

  4. Beautiful! Thank you! I went to a class at church recently that taught from Romans 6 about being dead to sin and alive to Christ. It was just amazing. I wanted to get up and dance as it was being taught! πŸ™‚ I’ve been focused on sin for so long. There’s no life in that. Nor is it who I am anymore, according to Scripture. This truth found in Romans will set you free!

    1. Anon,

      YES it will! I LOVE Romans chapters 6-12 so much! The book The Normal Christian Life by Watchman Nee is really helpful in unpacking these powerful doctrines and helping us apply them in real life, too. I would highly recommend it!

      1. I bought it at your suggestion but haven’t read it yet. I think I started and got distracted. I will pick it up again!

  5. Apart from many other things, it looks like the last straw as I don’t want to go into the direction of debt and depending on my parents. They did their share of raising me and investing into me, that is enough.. I try not to share my frustrations with them, but they are worried as they know that I am out of work. Whenever my mum asks if she should send us money, I always say no; but when she offered to pay for my husband’s tuition fees in part, he accepted it gladly. He is happy that my mum blessed him. And I am happy for her kind heart, but I don’t want him to take advantage of that. If not for that money, we would already be in a huge debt. My husband doesn’t really think about my dad’s age, sleepless nights, and lots of responsibility that he has to take along with his job…

    1. Anna,

      I’m glad you say no to your mom when she offers you money. But you cannot control your mom. You also cannot control your husband. I DO understand how this situation could build resentment and bitterness in your heart toward your husband. I have been there and done that exact same thing – unfortunately. And I made a big mistake – I DID try to control things that I could not control and I DID hold on to bitterness and resentment for many years. What a disaster!

      So, I would implore you – please do not allow this issue to cause resentment and bitterness in your heart! Please choose to allow God to help you extract all of the bitterness, unforgiveness, and resentment and ask Him to give you wisdom and power about how to respond to this situation. I don’t like your situation either. I want to see it change. But – you asked your mom not to give money – and she still did. That is reality. You cannot force your mom not to give money. And you cannot force your husband not to receive it. But you could destroy your relationship with God and your husband by cherishing bitterness and resentment in your heart.

      You can share your concerns respectfully with your husband. You can share that you don’t want to accept any financial support from your parents – and then you can submit under protest. Then, you can pray and trust God to work things out for your good and His glory – according to His promise to you in Romans 8:28-30.

      What would happen if you trust God to deal with your mom and your husband and your niece? What if you just laid it all down before God and stopped trying to force things to go the way you believe they should? Are you able to do that and are you willing to lay down the bitterness and resentment and see how God might lead and intervene?

      Sending you a HUGE hug!

  6. If I may Anna,

    I would love to send you a few words of encouragement. My family and I, my husband and I, have been going through some great struggles for the last 2 years. Everything from health issues of our children, bad health news for myself, deaths in family, custody battles with exes, the great new adventure of being newlyweds, financial struggles my mom deals with and her health condition whole she is alone and an hour away from me, all these things that have made my heart heavy, stressed me out, tested my faith, made me bitter, made me lose hope and feel like I was totally losing control over things while I am one of those people who truly wishes for world peace, and for the best life possible for my family, friends and neighbors. I am one of those I need to fix it all people.

    A couple weeks ago when we started hitting bottom we went desperately searching for help to lift our spirits, and where do people normally turn to when they are desperate? God.

    I haven’t been the best Christian and have begged for God’s forgiveness. I reached out to Him, and my husband and I started searching for advice and inspirations, along with our prayers. This has led us to April and her husband’s blog. I can’t even begin to tell you how much it has helped the both of us. Reading their beginning and understanding they were just like us and have already been there made it even more exciting when we read all that they have learned since then. Between letting God in more, accepting His will for us, praying for strength, understanding, and guidance, reading beautiful and inspirational articles such as April and her husband’s and really taking them to heart, ordering about 20 books, daily bible reads and daily devotionals, and just resting in God and enjoying every second learning, I can’t tell you how much peace it is bringing us.

    While we still have these challenges to face and there are things not quite answered yet, it’s still ok because at least the weight is being lifted off of our shoulders and faith and peace are being out back in our hearts. I have felt a closeness to our Lord that I haven’t felt before and I am ready to charge right thru these challenges with my family following God and my husband’s lead. And you know what? Things are slowly getting better. Not because all of our challenges were solved over night and we have nothing scary or bad happening anymore, as if it miraculously went away. It’s because we are changing ourselves and our hearts and building our faith and that has seemed to make us feel almost as if our challenges have gone.

    I’m smiling more, I’m calm, I’m finding joy and more positives and knowing that when those challenging moments that are heading our way, really soon, that thru God and standing by my husband’s side, following their lead, everything WILL be ok, and it is all a part of God’s plan for us, even if we can’t see quite yet what that may be. I just wanted to say to you that you aren’t alone. There are many of us out there. Read April’s story from the beginning, read a lot of her blogs, show her husband’s blogs to your husband, look for inspiring books to read, and I promise you will start to feel better, and you might even cry out of Joy as I have done at feeling so much love for God and this new found faith, strength and peace that together, with God, you and your family will make it thru. I truly hope you and your family find many blessings, peace and joy! It really isn’t that far away if you open your heart. God bless you and your family, my heart goes out to all of you!

    1. Crystal,

      I’m so excited about what God is doing in your heart, your husband’s heart, your marriage, and your family! Thanks for reaching out to our dear sister, Anna. I hope she can receive the big hug and encouragement you are sharing. I love that we can walk this road together and not have to face this journey alone because we are all in Christ together!

      The most amazing thing is, we never ever stop learning. We always get to keep learning and growing. I love that! I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for each of us to learn and the way He leads us for His glory.

      I praise God that He is sovereign over our trials and that He uses them very purposefully to mold, shape, prune, and refine us into the image of Christ. That is the ultimate goal!

      ———————-
      Anna,

      I relate so much to your personality and to your fears and concerns. And I TOTALLY understand why you don’t want to accept help financially. I was in a very similar situation as a newlywed, myself. I did not respond in a godly way. How I pray you might not make the mistakes I made that caused so much destruction to my marriage and to my relationship with extended family. I don’t have to agree with my husband if he receives financial help from family. I can respectfully share my convictions and concerns. But then I can trust him and the situation to God, repent of my pride, thinking I know best, my self-righteousness, my bitterness, critical spirit, and resentment – and I can trust God to work through my husband to lead me.

      I chose not to trust God or Greg that first summer of our marriage 21 years ago. I chose to respond with such disrespect and resentment toward Greg, his leadership, his decisions, and those who helped us. I chose to trust SELF. I chose to try to go my own way independently of my husband. I chose to try to take over the marriage. I tried to override him. I created much hurt and much destruction to the unity of our marriage, to my husband’s confidence as leader of the family, to extended family relationships, and I grieved the Spirit of God.

      Receiving financial help from family is not a sin. It may not be ideal. I agree. I don’t like it either! But – there are worse things than debt and depending on parents. Look at the sin I allowed myself to engage in because of my husband’s choice to receive financial help when we were first married. And my sin over this issue went on for YEARS, and YEARS. It was the beginning of my disrespect for my husband and my attempt to usurp control from him. I thought I knew better than he did. I didn’t want to depend on anyone for help. I didn’t want to “mooch” off of anyone.

      How I wish I could go back and change my response to my husband 21 years ago. I can’t do that now. What’s done has been done. I continued down that destructive road for 14.5 YEARS. But you can choose not to repeat my mistake. You can choose to trust God and to trust your husband and to honor them now. You can choose to get rid of the bitterness and resentment and any other sinful motive and way of thinking. You can choose to receive God’s Spirit and His power to respond without sin. You can choose to embrace this trial as a time to help you grow in Christlikeness and in your faith. (James 1, Hebrews 12, I Peter)

      Much love to you!
      April

  7. First, woops! I didn’t mean to make my comment duplicate lol. Must be because the site refreshed. So sorry, April.

    April,
    Thank you so much! You are so right! It is so exciting knowing that there is so much more learning and growing to do and I am so excited to see the person it is molding me to be! I wanted so bad to be the best mom and wife for my family, and I truly believe God is answering that prayer by sending me thru the journey I have been on. That’s how he is teaching me, and I just didn’t know it at the time. Thank you for encouraging words and teaching out to those like Anna and me. Looking forward to more! πŸ™‚

    Anna, again, just hold on and have faith, it will be ok! Praying for you! πŸ™‚

  8. Beautiful post and we can never be reminded of these truths enough! God used a book by Neil Anderson to save me 11 years ago. His ministry’s focus is on the truth of who we are in Christ. I had been brought up in the church and heard the gospel, but it was when I realized that God looked at me as righteous because of what Christ had done for me that my eyes were truly opened.

    It’s amazing how quickly we go back to wanting to believe that we are horrible sinners and wretched….and yes, apart from Christ, we are! But, in Christ, we are no longer defined like that. As Jesus said, “So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.”

    Believing what God has done for us in Christ (whether our feelings or performance line up with what we think it should or not) on an ongoing basis is our calling….to believe God….this is the work of a Christian. From there, the works and the life of Christ flow. Focus on anything less, and things go downhill quickly.

    The gospel really is good news!! I still get flabbergasted reading and realizing new truths that I’ve read from the old “viewpoint” (of believing that I still had to work to maintain my salvation). The Spirit will again reiterate the good news/gospel and it just blows me away. Christ really has done it all. He meant what He said when He said, “It is finished!” Hallelujah!

  9. Hi Peaceful Wife,

    I am 23 and have been married for 2.5 years:)
    I got married very young, but wouldn’t change it. My husband and I have a very healthy marriage. Because God is in the center and he is our #1! We have many struggles but both have learned to love each other because the love Christ has shown us.
    Lately as I am growing in my walk with Christ, I am beginning to feel this overwhelming weight of wanting to live a righteous life.. Or a better life. I just feel like I want to be so good for God.. For the most part I believe my husband and I are righteous and even though we mess up at times we really do want to please the Lord.

    Well I am having a sort of struggle.. Since me and my husband and young most of our friends and people our age are kind of at a different stage of life than us, college aged.. We don’t have kids. Me and my husband spend most of our week nights together at home, or with family, or involved in church groups! But every now and then, maybe once a month, we feel a urge to go out with our friends, and drink a little. Not get wasted, this is wrong I understand that. But I do like to have a few drinks and so does my husband. We enjoy alcoholic beverages every now and again and to be honest I never really thought too much about it until recently. Last night we hung out with some good friends, went out on the boat, and then went back to their house, hanging and talking and having some drinks (beer) … And sometimes when I get a little buzz I like to smoke a cigarette , only while I am drinking..? Same for my husband. We live close in a small town so we walked home, and had a good night together and I was thinking I had a lot of fun! Well idk I woke up this morning feeling very down on myself? Feeling like I am a bad influence or something, I don’t think that having some drinks with friends is wrong or smoking is necessarily a sin, but I almost felt like I had a night full of sin? I also don’t want to never have fun.. But I am thinking about the verse james 4:16 if anyone knows the good they ought to do and does not do it for them it is sin… Does this apply to me? Is the good I ought to do stay completely away from that stuff even though I have no addiction or do them out of excess, but because I am feeling this way I am wondering if it is sin… Or if it could be sin to me but not to someone else?

    I don’t know πŸ™ I just want to please God and be a good example for my friends and my husband and lead them to the Lord and I just dont want to continue doing something that is sin if I am not sure it is… Hope to hear from you, thanks April!!

    Emma

    1. Emma,

      Congratulations on your marriage! And I’m so glad you want to grow deeper with Christ and that you want Him to transform you more and more to be more like Himself. That is AWESOME!

      Have you read the post about personal convictions from two weeks ago?

      I suggest that you read all you can about this issue in Scripture. You can look up on http://www.openbible.info “what does the Bible say about alcohol.” And you can pray about it. You can also read Romans 14 which is about this subject and a few similar subjects. And you can read 1 Corinthians 6:12-20 which is primarily about sexual immorality, but applies in some other areas of our lives, as well.

      You could also prayerfully consider talking with your husband about your concerns.

      Much love to you!

    2. Emma- I only wish I had been open to the beauty God has given us in the Bible and through naturally ordained roles in my marriage when I was in my 20’s. Here I am in my 40’s and struggling to make right many wrongs. Including how I have raised children and now have to back track and say “that was not right. This is and this is why (point directly to scripture)”. You are ahead of the game.

      God is nagging at your heart about drinking. How does your husband feel? Why does it feel sinful to you? When I feel God is convicting me concerning an action, I ask myself about the Lord’s Prayer. It says “lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil”. Is this a temptation? Is it leading you to evil?

      I LOVE how Peaceful wife answered. This is a personal conviction. I personally will only drink one glass of wine or one beer or one mixed drink whenever I go out. It is not because God commands only one drink. It is because I know two drinks means not getting a good night sleep, difficulty waking up in the morning and generally not feeling so great all day. Which means I cannot fulfill my Godly role as wife and mother to the best of my ability.

      I hope this helps.

  10. Thank you for these precious reminders April. And for the song you posted. Last week when I read your post about personal convictions, and all the hundreds of comments about all the things different Christians believe they should or shouldn’t do, and everyone had different views, (and some were very strong!) I went off to church feeling a bit down and confused….and then we sang that song. These lines just really spoke to me:

    When He shall come with trumpet sound,
    Oh may I then in Him be found
    Dressed in His righteousness alone
    Faultless I stand before the throne.

    Hurray! I felt like shouting Hallelujah out loud in front of everyone!

    Hope you are having a blessed week!
    Much love

    1. Sunshine,

      That post kept me VERY busy last week with comments! Whew!

      I am still wondering and praying about if I need to delete some of them. I don’t want to create more confusion or contention for anyone. This is why we are to keep our personal convictions to ourselves. Look how quickly contention and division sprung up. πŸ™

      I just love that hymn! Let’s keep our eyes on Christ and on pleasing Him, loving Him with all our hearts, and blessing and loving others. As His Spirit fills us, He will certainly lead and empower us to walk in obedience and in holiness. It has to be “Christ in you, the hope of glory.” We can’t do anything good on our own, that is for sure!

      Much love to you! πŸ™‚

      1. I agree. We should focus on edifying one another. We shouldn’t be contentious….that does not glorify God. Speaking of Romans 14, the Holy Spirit says, “Let us follow after things which make for peace, and things wherewith one may edify another.” GREAT post, April! VERY edifying!!

        1. Eliza,

          Yes! That is my goal, my sweet sister, to edify and build up my sisters (and brothers). I don’t ever want to create a stumbling block or contention. I want to contribute to the spirit of unity and love in the Body. πŸ™‚

      2. Ah April, I am sure it took a lot out of you, dealing with that post! I genuinely woke up in the night, praying for you, on and off all that week. πŸ™‚ It is such a huge responsibility you have, and I feel for you.

        I would encourage anyone who has been blessed by this ministry to pray regularly for April, and for her family. I’m sure the enemy would love to destroy what God has built and what Jesus is using for His glory.

        I actually think, apart from loving each other and bearing with each other, the MOST important thing is to stay humble. The danger is always pride and self-righteousness. And we all fall into the pride trap SO easily!! So I pray you will stay humble, April, and depending on God for everything, and that I and my sisters here will do the same. God bless xxx

        1. Sunshine,

          The comments on that post did take a lot out of me spiritually. I was already feeling quite spiritually depleted after working intensely on book revisions for 3 weeks shortly before that post – had to rewrite about half of the book I am writing after getting my first round of editorial comments back. It takes incredible spiritual strength – that only comes from God – to respond with God’s love to those who oppose us, and to those who might even attack us. That post wasn’t really about attacks, as much as opposition. I have been receiving some attacks on some other posts, and Youtube, as well, of course. That is normal. I expect it. But – I want to respond in God’s power, wisdom, truth, and love to each one.

          I DO need prayer! Desperately! Thank you SO MUCH for praying for me that week. My heart was so burdened about the topic we were discussing, for those who were misunderstanding, for those who might read the comments of those who misunderstood and might be confused… Without the power of God’s Spirit, all I can do is make a big mess. I long to be faithful to God, obedient to Him, filled with His Spirit. I want to guard the Gospel and not allow any unbiblical or ungodly ideas to taint it here. I want to “gently instruct” those who oppose me. I want to share the love of Christ with all – including those who oppose or attack. But then, I also have to set some limits at times. That is my least favorite part of blogging and ministry. But I also realize that it is often when others watch believers respond to opposition that God draws many to Himself. Conflict can be a powerful instrument of God when we approach it in the power of His Spirit to draw many to Christ. That is my prayer!

          My favorite part is to see God working in the lives of many other people. I never get tired of hearing what God has done and is doing!

          I agree, there is always danger of pride and self-rigtheousness. There is also danger that bitterness might creep into my heart or any number of other sins. I don’t want to ever go there! I long for God to continue to empower me to be faithful to Him. I don’t ever want to bring about grief to His heart or to malign the Name of Christ or His Gospel.

          Thank you so much for your prayers. What a blessing your comments are to me today. Thank you for seeing the spiritual battle that week and for interceding on my behalf. I can never repay you enough! But how thankful I am for you and for others who were and are praying. The enemy would absolutely love to destroy what God has done in my life and in this ministry and in the lives of my readers. I don’t ever want to see that happen! I long for God’s love, His truth, and His power to be evident here.

          Sending you a big hug, my dear sister!

    1. jiffer1975,

      I’m so glad this blessed you. πŸ™‚ The past few weeks, I have faced a lot more intense spiritual warfare – and it is so refreshing and completely necessary for me to keep my eyes on Christ and on the truth of His Word and my identity in Him. We cannot afford to ever lose sight of these precious truths!

  11. Dear Peaceful Wife,

    I wrote to you some time ago about a boyfriend that I was seeing who was controlling. I have separated from him and re-committed my life to Jesus and I also got baptised not long ago. All this happened recently. Although I am saddened by our separation, I am also glad that I can move forward with a relationship with Jesus. I’d like to thank you for your blog, because you have let God’s spirit touch me and teach me. I continously pray for my ex and if it’s Gods will he has the power to change him and make him into a man of God.

    1. Jessica,

      I am so thankful that you are seeking God and concentrating on Christ. WOOHOO! I’m thrilled that you were baptized and that you are seeking to honor God with your decision about your boyfriend. I’m also glad you are praying for your ex and trusting him to God’s hands. God can change him – you cannot. That is a really important truth!

      I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for you and how He plans to draw you closer to Himself and to empower you to grow in your faith. πŸ™‚ Please let me know how you are doing and how we can pray for and encourage you, our precious sister!

      1. Hi April,

        Thanks so much for the reply. I’m doing okay thanks, just taking one day at a time and keeping myself occupied with studies., please keep your posts coming to encourage me although I’m now single your posts always find its way in my heart. Please pray for me and also pray for my ex that one day he can allow God to penetrate his heart.Xx

        1. Jessica,

          Of course I will pray for you. All of us – married or single – have the same need for Jesus. We all struggle with loneliness in this life. We all struggle with very similar spiritual battles and challenges. We all need the love, prayers, support, and unity of the Body of Christ. We all need God’s Word, His Spirit, and His power.

          We are in this together, my precious sister!

          Lord,
          I lift up Jessica and her ex-boyfriend to Your throne room in the highest heaven. We praise and thank You because You are good. You are holy. You are sovereign over everything in all of Your amazing creation. We pray for salvation for Jessica’s ex. You love Him dearly. Jesus died for him that he might have a relationship with You and not be condemned to hell, but have fellowship here with You and in heaven forever. Draw him to Yourself by the power of Your Spirit for Your greatest glory.

          I pray for my sweet sister, Jessica. I am sure she is hurting and probably confused at times. Let Your peace flood her soul. Let her know Your love more and more. Let her know You more and more. Let her yield herself completely to You and allow Your Spirit full access to every area of her heart, mind, soul, and life. Cleanse her of every sin. Conform her into the image of Christ. Empower her to walk by Your Spirit and to be filled with Your supernatural love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. Direct her every step. Draw her closer to Your heart and Your mind. Let her love You far more than anything or anyone else in this world! Let her grow to become the godly woman You created her to be for Your greatest glory. Accomplish Your good purposes and Your will in her heart.

          In the Name and power of Christ our Lord,
          Amen!

  12. Great, great stuff! πŸ™‚ This is like that book I used to carry around that had lots of “I’ statements in the place of Scriptures.

    What a valuable resource. Another great post of yours that would be valuable to check back at periodically.

    I’ve been making journal entries for a while now and I’ve tried to consolidate the bits involving “lessons” that I’ve learned and tried to consult and put together.

    Life is busy busy busy! I’m doing my thesis defense in a week! O_O (exciting too!) But my focus on God is #1 no matter what. I am eager, day-by-day, praying for God to utterly conform me to Him–that is all I’m on Earth to do!


    1 John 5:4
    For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the worldβ€”our faith.

    This is another thing that has crossed my mind with regards to feeling outnumbered and cornered in the world (and, to my loss, being taken by surprise when it happens in Churches and Christian culture).

    The whole world is no match for those of us who are born of God! πŸ˜€ And it’s all under His control, environments full of trials and messages that are speaking to us.

    God bless you April and thank God He fortifies you and us with the truth of His word.

    1. JC,

      Praying for God’s greatest glory in your life, my brother! And for His wisdom as you prepare to defend your thesis. I love your heart for Christ and the healing power that He is bringing to your soul. I love ho you are trusting His sovereignty! SO BEAUTIFUL!

      1. Thank you for all your prayers, thoughtful and supportive words, April. πŸ™‚ When I am eager to see someone’s heart who pursues God with all her heart and total sincerity and genuineness, your example doesn’t fail!

        Not to flatter myself, but I see that kindred spirit that I tend to be so hard-pressed to see. I going for hardcore too!

        I also hope you know–I am itching to give back in the world! Healing, and avoiding hurts in the meantime, can be very hard and turbulent and oftentimes very confusing.

        I finished my novel a month and a half ago–hurting for beta readers. I’m not sure what’s next, how much revision has to be done or how successful I could expect it to be. But I spoke to God, I know, for sure, I had to do it: I never gave myself to anything so much in my life and I meant it for Him. I’m at peace with that much.

        I had some thoughts about how the rest of life will go. Whether I’m ever “successful” at contributing to this world as I so desire–that is ALSO in His hands. πŸ™‚ He can do His work with or without me, and all that matters on my end is conforming to Him and being ready to follow Him wherever He leads.

        Thanks again for your prayers! My professors seem about ten times as impressed with my work as I am! πŸ˜› That’s good news for me when I’m looking for professional recommendations, that’s for sure! So I’m just working to rekindle the enthusiasm!

        Jesus loves you ma’am so likewise I pray for the continued prosperity of your soul! πŸ™‚

  13. April, Thank you so much for this, I have printed this out and will be referencing it a lot! I have been struggling lately with the lies of the enemy! Going through a long, difficult and extremely painful divorce, it is easy to loose sight of who I am in Christ!! My prayer has been that I remember His truths!! (And not the lies of the enemy!) The Lord has been reminding me lately with different sermons I hear, emails that come my way, Bible Study and now your blog, of my true identity! Love how God reveals Himself and how He knows it takes this girl more then one time to actually catch on, hence all the reminders on the same theme! Haha

    1. Blessed,

      I was battling a lot of lies of the enemy myself the past few weeks – and realized as I wrote out this list for myself to meditate on that my sisters (and brothers) might be blessed to read this, too. God is so good! I am praying for healing for you, my precious sister.

      Much love and BIG hugs to you!

  14. April,

    How uplifting to be reminded of these wonderful truths, and to have this post to refer back to as ongoing encouragement! I’ve been reading all your posts for over a year-and-a-half, and my life is much richer for it. I know God is working in my heart and soul through you, and helping me to stay strong and centered in a world where it’s so easy to become discouraged. I also love all the comments from our sisters here; even though I don’t always comment myself, I feel close to them through reading about their lives. May God keep blessing you richly, and all our sisters here. Love to you all, always. Elizabeth

    1. Elizabeth,

      Thank you for the encouragement. I always love hearing what you have to share. You are welcome to comment any time! πŸ™‚ You add so many insights to the conversation.

      I”m so thankful God brought us together. May He continue to richly bless your walk with Christ, my dear sister!

  15. Hi April,

    This is a good post. I look forward to being able to read it more thoroughly.

    First, I just wanted to encourage you in your ministry. It is so important to so many women. God is using you to help so many of us grow in Him. Please know how much you are appreciated.

    I’ve been busy lately and am just catching up. I just read about your “conviction” post and all the comments. Wow. That was a lot. You handled that discussion beautifully. I once went to a semi-legalistic church and ironically, it was there I learned the difference between an outright sin and a personal conviction. I agree with most of your point of view and think you did a great job explaining things clearly. I could go on, but I think that’s been thoroughly hashed out! πŸ™‚

    I wanted to touch base and let you know how I’ve been. * sigh * I’ve been having a rough time – again – but the good news is, I’m at least making progress. Instead of just listening to lies and beating myself up with them, I am starting to fight back and try to find my identity in Christ. It is taking a long time, and I need constant reminders.

    I heard a fantastic sermon tonight that really got to my heart. As I was reflecting on it and thinking on what I’d heard, I realized, so many of the points I was focusing on were things you have told me many times. Thank you for your continued prayers and patience.

    I’d love to share more details, but it’s getting late. I need to read your post more thoroughly, but I can tell it is full of wonderful points that will help me as I try to work on finding my identity in Christ.

    With love, Becca

    1. Becca!!!

      I was praying for you and thinking of you earlier this week. It is wonderful to hear from you!

      Thank you for the encouragement. I am amazed that you read all of those comments – there were A LOT! πŸ™‚

      I’m so excited that you are not just allowing yourself to be in bondage to the lies but that you are fighting them with God’s Spirit and His Word and truth. WOOHOO! Yes, it takes a long time to unlearn all those awful, toxic ways of thinking. But it is SO WORTH IT!

      I’m really glad that God has lead you to sermons and resources that are speaking His truth and healing to your heart. God is SO VERY GOOD!

      I look forward to hearing more as you have time to share.

      You are very dear to me!

      Much love,
      April

      1. April and Becca,

        Becca I know that you have dealt with a lot of self-esteem issues, not believing your husband telling you that you’re beautiful, thinking he believes other women to be more beautiful than you.

        I also deal with self-esteem issues, not quite the same. I do believe my husband thinks I’m beautiful – BUT – when there is anger about something, and he threatens to leave, or says he just can’t make me happy when I express concern about something, I start to spiral down and feel like a horrible wife and mother.

        I KNOW the truth about who I am in Christ. I know the righteousness that is mine because of what He did for me.

        But sometimes, in those dark moments, there is almost a sort of COMFORT in the familiar feelings, the feelings of unworthiness.

        The other day was one of those times, and as I was crying, and repeating so many lies to myself, I KNEW they were lies, I KNEW I was sinning in my self-pity, but it just felt so familiar to me that I didn’t know how to get around it. I didn’t WANT to speak truth because that felt so foreign and uncomfortable to me. I’ve prayed and asked forgiveness for that self-pity, but I don’t know how to get myself out of that comfort zone of familiarity.

        And Becca, I wonder if that is possibly something you struggle with as well? You know the truth, but the lies are so familiar they just feel comfortable, and we don’t like to be uncomfortable.

        Does this make sense?

        1. M,

          As I was reading your reply I thought, I know EXACTLY how she feels. So to answer your question, yes! That is indeed something I struggle with, and something I am trying to overcome. I will pray for you, and for me, and that God will help both of us out of this self-made mess!

          Indeed, the lies can be comfortable. Weird, isn’t it? I think maybe my husband does think I’m beautiful (he certainly says it enough!) But I think I struggle with believing him because I think every other woman is far more beautiful than I am. I struggle to see myself the way my husband sees me. And when I do start to think positively, it just feels so wrong. I think that’s because as you mentioned, the lies can feel comfortable. I grew up being told how fat and ugly I was (and in reality I am quite normal – a very normal size and if we are being honest, I look like a normal, suburban mom) – but I grew up believing the lies and they are hard to break free from.

          But – it is that freedom that Christ gives that I am yearning to claim. April mentioned once, something to the effect of, Christ has torn down the prison walls, but I’m still just sitting in the prison. For no good reason. I just need to find the courage to walk out and embrace the freedom and find my true identity in Christ.

          Thanks for the thought provoking question. I will be praying for you, M!

          1. Becca,

            You know what this reminds me of – it reminds me of the way a girl who is anorexic can look in a mirror and what she sees isn’t reality. She can see “fat” when she is actually a skeleton. I think that Satan’s lies are like that, they distort our view of reality so much that we believe it is the truth, but we can’t even see what is in the mirror of God’s Word right before us. It does require God to open our eyes to be able to see clearly.

            How I pray for you to reject those awful lies that were made up by some jealous teenage girls and to wholeheartedly embrace the truth of God’s Word and your husband’s words. I know it is scary to walk out of the prison cell – but I am glad to walk beside you each step of the way!

        2. M and Becca,

          I had a few weeks lately where some lies kept coming to my mind. I knew they were lies. I knew I didn’t want to believe them. And yet, I had to do a lot of hashing through them, wrestling in prayer, and refocusing back on Christ. It took a few weeks. But what brought me back to spiritual stability was when I began to focus on what I wrote in this post, my identity in Christ and also dying to self.

          The lies are tempting. They promise a messed up kind of comfort. But I pray that God might empower us to take our eyes off of those awful lies and to help us focus on His truth and find victory in Christ!

          I love you both dearly!

  16. April I have spoke to you before but really am in pain, and need some help. Last night my husband told me something “bad” he did. Reluctantly. He told me his sin. I freaked out worse than I ever have. I shouldn’t have. But when we parted our ways I texted some of the worst things and idk why I did it but I even said I want to get a divorce. I am trying not to sin in my anger but it is so hard? I get so upset and hurt and want him to hurt just as worse. I ran him out of the house and haven’t heard from him since and he won’t answer his phone. We have a big weekend of family stuff coming up and I don’t know how to handle this. Now the focus is completely off of what he did and all on what I did. What is there proper and godly way to apologize for something terrible I did to him?
    I am devastated now at what he did (it was something bad with his buddies) but now I am more devastated at how I handled it.

    1. Anonymous,

      Goodness. Sounds like a big painful mess! I am praying for you both. Is he willing to stop whatever he did and be accountable? Is he willing to seek godly counsel with you if necessary?

      You can apologize for the things you said – and tell him that you really want to work things out – that you are extremely hurt – but that you should not have retaliated in a sinful way against him.

      Praying for you to have some serious alone time with God to sort through your thoughts and to repent of any sin in your heart and to hear His voice clearly.

      I have a video about apologizing for our disrespect on my Youtube channel, “April Cassidy” that could be helpful.

      And, you can search apology or apologizing stories on my home page.

      Much love to you!

      1. He is not willing to stop what he did, and he said he shouldn’t have to apologize for it. He did not cheat on me or anything but he said I am trying to control his life and he doesn’t like that and it’s pushing him more towards the things I don’t like that he does. I don’t want to push him toward those things I want to push him towards Christ. But I feel like every time I am mad about something if I don’t voice my opinion on it then he thinks it’s ok he will continue in what I think is sin and he doesn’t. He said one sin to one man may not be a sin to another..?

        1. Anonymous,

          Are you free to share what he did? How about this… I will set your email address to need moderation before it will appear. You can tell me what he did, and I will delete that comment. It is really difficult for me to assess what exactly is going on here – if it is a matter of personal convictions, or if your husband is truly sinning. Would that be ok with you?

          Much love!

        2. Anonymous,

          I can certainly understand why you don’t like what he did. I wouldn’t like it either.

          However – it seems to me that your reaction was way overboard. What would happen if you just shared your disappointment respectfully – maybe once – and trusted God to change his heart about this issue?

          Your threatening divorce probably didn’t make things better, I am guessing. You can’t really force him to do what you want him to do. But you can be a woman of dignity, poise, grace, respect, honor, wisdom, and holiness. Your godliness would be much more of a source of conviction to him than your freaking out would be. You cannot change him. God could change your husband’s heart.

          I vote to seek to be the wife God desires you to be and to allow God to do the convicting in your husband’s heart. I am not saying what he did was right. But you only control you. I don’t believe that this situation is biblical grounds for divorce. If he continues to do this thing often, and there is an addiction and he is not in his right mind – then a separation could be necessary. I pray for God’s wisdom for you about that. But I believe that God is capable of working in your husband’s heart about this as you trust Him. You don’t have to condone it. You don’t have to agree with it. I think it is pretty obvious at this point how you feel about what he did. Perhaps he will face some consequences that will give him the desire to stop doing what he is doing. Or, perhaps he will see your respect and honor for the good things he is doing and realize that he doesn’t want to lose your trust.

          I am praying for you both and for God’s glory!

          1. I am crying as I am writing this and reading what you said. Thank you for your help April, I am so disappointed in my husband and so disappointed in myself he tried to tell me it was crazy that I would speak of divorce over something small. (I don’t think it’s small but I also have control issues) he said he loves me and cares for me and we have a covenant and no matter what he does I should still love him and never speak of divorce. I am just so devastated but why do things of this life devastate me so much? Why can’t I rest in Gods love through everything. Something my husband does wrong can bring me down to the point of depression..

          2. Anonymous,

            There are places where this activity is not illegal. I would imagine even where you live it will become legal soon enough. Not that it is a good thing. But – as you keep your eyes on Christ, I think you will realize that compared to Him – it is a very small thing.

            I hope you agreed with him about the covenant and not talking about divorce. We have an agreement in our marriage that Greg and I don’t use that word at all with each other. It is not an option and cannot be brought on the table.

            If you are depending on your husband and trusting in him to make you feel secure, safe, and loved – rather than God – you may easily be devastated by things like this. I don’t know if you have read my posts about idolatry? But, if you think it could be possible, maybe reading this post might be a good place to start. Let me know what God speaks to you, my dear sister.

            You can also search my home page search bar for:

            – idol
            – idolatry
            – control
            – fear
            – contentment
            – security

            Much love to you!

  17. Hi april, i really need your help.

    I have a boyfriend now, more than a year already. He became a believer before we became a couple. His spiritual growth has been very slow and steady. But There have been incredible transformations in the way he thinks, the way he talks, but still at a slow pace. Which i have been entrusting to God to work in his life.

    But for now, he doesnt go to church, no discipleship/accountability, he does watch sermons online but rarely only when he feels like it, i dont know how often he reads his bible, he prays…

    Ive sort of programmed my mind to just leave all that up to God. However God is going to work in his life then its going to be his time n own way.

    But the past days have made me concerned thinking about when we do get married and start a family. Will i be going to church alone? Are my kids n i going to church alone? am i going to serve alone? What if i want to be involved? What if he would rather be complacent and stay home and not go beyond in his walk w the Lord? What if he doesnt have a desire to do more for God, to get to know God more?

    I starteD to think, what if we dont have the same vision?? πŸ™

    I know you address married women in your blog and i get how wives need to submit and respect and surrender to husband and God in marriage. But what about me? Before i even enter marriage, is this a deal breaker? Is this something that will define whether we are right for each other or not?

    I asked him about his vision. I was hesitant to bring it up. But a part of me really wanted to because how else are we going to know? And i figured its important to know we were on the same page. And he just closed off. He felt overwhelmed and didnt know what to say. In his mind hes already doing right with God. That hes living a life pleasing to God.

    now i dont know what to do. I really dont.

    I really need your help. πŸ™

    1. heart,

      I also have a blog for single women (www.peacefulsinglegirl.com) – and single women are always welcome here, as well! πŸ™‚

      You are not commanded to submit to your boyfriend. There was no concept like dating in biblical times. Daughters submitted to their fathers until they married, generally. And marriages were often arranged by parents.

      These are valid concerns and they are concerns you will want to address before marriage, I agree.

      I don’t know that he is complacent. He may have problems with the churches he has been to – I don’t know his heart. But I don’t want to assume he doesn’t have a desire to know God more or to do more for God. If he feels pressured spiritually or inferior to you spiritually, he may shut down.

      This is something to pray about and to seek God’s wisdom about. If he is truly submitting himself to Christ and living for Him and you see God changing his heart and you see fruit of the Spirit in his life – this may not be a deal breaker. But you may have to accept that he won’t go to church. And you would also need to be prepared that he may decide he doesn’t want you or your children to go to church. That could be a problem.

      Perhaps he has legitimate concerns about church that – if he is feeling safe enough, and respected – he may be willing to share. But he will have to know you are not looking down on him or condemning him. HAs he said anything about why he doesn’t go to church?

      I think it may just be time to pause and pray and seek God’s wisdom and direction – holding the dream of marriage loosely in your hands. My greatest concern is that he is truly a believer and he is truly seeking to live for Christ.

      There is a post on my other blog called Red Flags – and I do think that a man who will not go to church can be a red flag. It is important to understand why he doesnt’ want to go. A lot of men feel that church is “against them” and they feel emasculated at church, or there are wrong teachings at church, or they feel that churches have been “too feminized.” It may be that he could eventually articulate his reasons. It may be that he might eventually choose a church that he believes is best – and in that case, if you decide to marry him, you would need to support that decision (you could share your preferences and concerns, of course, but if he believes that is God’s will, then you will need to support him by going to that particular church).

      I don’t know that you need to panic or bail out of the relationship right this second. Let’s just stop, be still, pray, and seek God. He can give you the wisdom you need.

      Much love to you!

      1. Thank u very much for responding as i am just really overwhelmed right now.

        he says he doesnt want to go to church because he can do “church” at home. He believes hes doing enough.

        I really want to hold on to Gods previous affirmations to me that he is indeed saved! But my concern now is his vision what if were not on the same page?

        Was it ok that i asked him about it? What if we arent on the same page then shouldnt i spare myself from being married to him?

        Im so confused :'(

        1. heart,

          I think that this is going to be something to pray about and it does not require an instantaneous decision right this second. Continue to pray. Continue to observe his character and the fruit of his life. Continue to seek to allow God to transform you to become the woman He desires you to be. I suggest to wait for a bit before making any rash decisions. You are probably not going to have a definitive answer today. Continue to seek God first in your life. Wait and see what God does in his life. Don’t commit to marriage yet. Let God direct you and let God work in his heart, too.

          I don’t think you were wrong to ask about it. I do think it would be unwise to pressure him. Let him make his choices. Decide if you can follow him in that direction. But also, you can pray for God to intervene. God can speak to his heart. But – it could be wise not to get married yet if he is unwilling to go to church. That will take God’s wisdom.

          1. I hope you dont mind if i get down to the specifics?

            What if he proposes? Do i say no? Do i say, i’ll wait til u decide u want to go to church?

            How will that work?

            I didnt put any pressure but simply posed the question. But knowing him n the way he responded, it seems he was pressured.

          2. heart,

            Sometimes a woman thinks she is just asking a question, but a man can feel very pressured, knowing, “there is only one acceptable answer in her mind.” And he can feel condemned.

            I vote to honor and respect him, build him up, praise the good you see in him, pray for him. Support any godly decisions he makes. Encourage his godly leadership. But remember, you do not have to submit to him now. You can choose not to because you are not married. But if you are to marry him, you will need to trust his leadership and be willing to follow, even if you do not agree. It may be that God grows him and leads him to find a Bible-teaching church. In that case, you won’t have to say another word.

            If he asks you to marry him and is not going to church yet – you can share your concerns and say that you would love to marry him, but that going to church together is something that you want to be part of your marriage. And so you will have to work through that issue before you are willing to consider marrying him. Or – God may give you other words or promptings about what to do and say.

            The key here is to be sensitive to God and to put Him first. Do what you believe He is prompting you to do. Watch your man’s heart and ask God to help you see his true character and relationship with Christ. Ask God to help you bless his spiritual growth.

          3. April, i want you to know that ive been learning quite a lot from ur blog and have been learning and striving to be an encourager to my boyfriend. I rejoice with him over the smallest victories.

            Thats where i find this to be tricky. How can i tell him that church is important and will have to work through it and then not make it seem like he has to do it to marry me?

          4. heart,

            Has he been talking about marriage yet?

            What fruit do you see in his life that he is a true believer in Christ?

            How is your walk with Christ going?

            I think you did tell him that church was really important to you when you asked him about it. I would bet he got the message.

            Now, most likely, you will have to wait, pray, and watch. πŸ™‚

          5. Yes, we have been talking about marriage.

            Hes quickly convicted when he responds in a way that isnt correcf. He can grasp the meaning of scripture, he used to talk about Jesus, he gets angry less, he is more trusting in God in terms of when he needs to make a decision, he asks for prayer, sometimes i think he reads the bible,, stuff like that.

            But thats the thing, its up and down. Ofcourse when he was a new believer he was more passionate. Now i just feel its worse. πŸ™

            Ive been consistent with my walk with the Lord. I am accountable to a leader, I do my devotions every day.

            I really do want to trust God that he will work in his life.

            What i meant by my question is how will i say it without him being pressured to go to church just so we can be married? What if he does it for the sake of doing it? What if he does it for me? That wouldnt be good, right?

          6. Heart,

            I understand what you meant, my precious sister. And I am saying wait. Don’t talk about marriage right now or commit to it now. Just allow God to work in this man. I don’t know that you have to say anything else. God will prompt you if He wants you to. It doesn’t sound like it is necessary to break up – although if God is prompting you to do that, then do what you believe God desires you to do. But this man may be able to be a godly husband in the future. I would hate for you to discard him if you just needed to wait a bit to watch him grow.

            And if your man asks you to marry him, God will give you wisdom to respond without pressuring him. This requires you to trust in the Holy Spirit and to wait on God. You don’t have to have it all worked out and figured out today.

            I don’t want him to go to church for you – but because he wants to go because he believes he needs to go to honor God. That is why you will not be doing much talking about this, but rather a lot of waiting and I Peter 3:1-6 kinds of things.

            I know you want it to be all figured out right this second. But I want to see what God will do in his heart and not make assumptions. And I want you to listen to God’s voice and wisdom for you which He will give you exactly at the time you need it.

            Does that make sense? Slow down. Don’t push for marriage. My feeling would be – don’t absolutely refuse to marry him – if it sounds like he is seeking God and desires to live for him. Don’t freak out. Don’t make a rash decision. Don’t issue an ultimatum. Just wait. Be still before God. Let’s let God work in this man’s heart. Wait and slow the pace down. Don’t bring up marriage. Just wait and walk beside him on this journey patiently and listen to God’s voice.

          7. Thank you so much for taking the time to answer my questions and for understanding how I feel.

            Yes, what you said made sense. I did get into a bit of a panic because i dont know what to do now. My intention to express my concerns completely backfired.

            Thanks very much april!

          8. heart,

            It can be tempting to feel like we have to have the answer RIGHT NOW and act on it immediately. But panic is not usually necessary. We can keep our eyes on God, listen, and be still. He will show us the way He desires us to go. πŸ™‚

  18. April,
    Thank you very much for allowing God to use your story to bless others. I, like you, considered myself a wretched sinner. I thought i was being the perfect Christian wife, when in reality, i had so much idolatry in my heart. I found myself lost…and then i found your blog. Praise God. I never have been willing to yeild to Jesus’ Lordship and really didn’t even know how. As i was studying God’s word today, i came across this verse… James 5:19-20 “Brethren, if any of you do err from the truth, and one convert him; let him know, that he which converteth the sinner from the error of his way shall save a soul from death, and shall hide a multitude of sins”. So THANK YOU!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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