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Good thoughts!
And sometimes what we pray for is not what we need and that reminds me of a Garth Brooks song…
I thank God for unanswered prayers,
Remember when you’re talking to the Man upstairs,
And just because He may not answer doesn’t mean He don’t care.
Some of God’s greatest gifts are unanswered prayers.
I can think of few in my life. One being “Change my husband” when it was me that needed to change first.
Daisymae,
YES!!!!
I was thinking exactly of this myself, in fact, I talked about the greatest blessing being that God said, “No,” to some of my prayers. If God had changed my husband without changing me first, where would I be spiritually now? And if He had given me the boy I was sure I should marry when I was 12… Oh my. It would have been a total disaster.
God’s “No” answer is always motivated by love for our good. It is exactly the same as when I tell my children not to touch a hot stove or run into the street. They don’t like it when I say, “No,” sometimes, but when someone is asking to do something destructive, the loving thing is to not let them do that thing!
Much love! I am so blessed to be on this amazing journey with you. I never get tired of watching God work in people’s lives!
Omigosh! welcome to the club of unanswered prayer!
Shortly after I was fired 5 years ago, (which was a sham I spoke of in other posts) I went on my usual mountain bike ride, went to my lonely spot and begged the Lord to have mercy on me because I feared (in tears) that I would not find a job and that my reputation as a man would be tarnished for good! I BEGGED the Lord in fear! Anyway, 5 years later, still unemployed and on welfare.
I do not have a problem with the existence of God (I’m an apologist) I have a problem with Gods character. I’m angry, I have had NO spiritual growth during all this.
I have no answers. I am over 50.
Jeff,
If we are holding onto bitterness toward God – we cannot also come to Him in faith. I believe we must choose: bitterness – or Jesus. My choice was bitterness for over 15 years in my marriage. I did not see God answer my prayers – even though I was often praying for things that were clearly His will. I had to choose. Would I lay down my bitterness and repent of – in my case – my pride, self-righteousness, resentment, idolatry of self, unbelief, disrespect toward God, disobedience to His Word, and rebellion against God… or would I choose to cherish my bitterness?
It was terrifying at first for me to let go of what I thought was my control over my life and to let go of my bitterness. But it is the path to blessing, to spiritual healing, to spiritual growth in Christ, and to the abundant spiritual life that Christ has provided for us. It was only after I was willing to let go of my bitterness and yield SELF that God began to radically change me.
If you are interested, you may search my home page for “bitterness.”
If we do not trust God – He will not hear our prayers. Our lack of faith prevents Him from answering. If we cling to sin, including bitterness and unbelief – we cannot approach Him and receive anything from Him.
Praying for you today, my precious brother! The ball is totally in your court here. God is waiting and willing. His character is inscrutable. He has nothing but good motives toward You. His wisdom is infinitely higher than ours. He is incapable of evil.
The enemy is the one who wants to steal, kill, and destroy you and your marriage – not God.
The answers are here in God’s Word. They are totally available once you are willing to lay down the bitterness and seek Him in faith and trust.
Sometimes the worst thing God could possibly do – for our ultimate spiritual good – would be to give us the things we are asking for if we are in a state of sin or unbelief.
FROM MY OWN EXPERIENCE:
If God had changed Greg before He changed me – I would not have had to face my own sins. I would not have realized what a wretched sinner I was and I would have continued to try to find contentment in other things. I would not have had to look at my pride, my lack of faith, my idolatry, my unbelief, my rebellion against God, my spiritual poverty, or anything painful or difficult in my life.
How I PRAISE GOD now for those many years of trials. How thankful I am now that He didn’t give me what I wanted, but had me sit in that painful place until He opened my eyes and empowered me to come to Him in real faith. I would still be in my sin if He had not had the mercy and grace to bless me by NOT giving me the things I wanted so much for all those years.
His greatest goal for me is for me to know, love, trust, and obey Him. That is how He is most glorified in my life. That is how I will find all of His best for my life. Sometimes God allows me to sit in my pain until I am willing to turn to Him. It would not be a gift for him to immediately grant answers to the prayers for the things I want if my heart is not changed and regenerated by the power of His Spirit and I am still putting those things above Him in my soul. He wanted me to be still long enough for me to allow Him to tear out all the toxic cancer and junk in my life and to begin to replace it all with Himself, His Word, His power, and His truth. That part is VERY PAINFUL! But this is how He gives us new life in Christ.
I personally had to get to the place were I decided to obey and trust God whether Greg ever changed or not. When I began this journey, Greg was totally shut down. He would barely look at me, barely listen to me, didn’t want to talk with me, didn’t want to touch me most of the time. It was from that place that I had to say, “God, I want to learn to respect and honor Greg as the head of this family whether he ever becomes more loving or not. Whether he changes or not, I want to do this Your way. I will wait right here on You until I am 80 years old if I have to. But I don’t want to move another step without You and Greg directing me.”
I had to stop praying for God to change Greg and start praying for God to change me. That is where my power began!
He is the Greatest Treasure. He will allow me to go through trials at times so that I might grow in my faith and complete dependence on Him until I understand that if I have Him, I have EVERYTHING that matters. I must come to the place where I am willing to be content with Christ alone, even if nothing else ever changed in my circumstances. Then, I am able to begin to see what really matters to God and what is ultimately important in light of eternity. Then I can begin to lay down my will and seek only His will. Then, when I am seeking to fully trust Him, I begin to experience His supernatural peace and joy. In His timing, I begin to see Him move mountains. But my faith and trust and my total dependence on Him and my ability to find contentment in Him alone come first. There is much waiting as my faith grows stronger before I see Him move the mountains.
If my motives are that I mostly just want my circumstances to change and I want to use God as means to an end – to get what I really want – things of this world – I will stay very, very stuck in misery and defeat.
Thankfully, God offers us the choice to trust Him so that we can have victory over sin and defeat. We don’t have to stay stuck anymore!
Bitterness. yup. Its like repeating the same day over and over.
Good words. I take them to heart.
Jeff,
I don’t know if you have ever read E. M. Bounds books on prayer. But – I am re-reading his collection this week. It is so full of meat! Last year, I could only read a page or two at a time because it was all I could spiritually digest. This year, I am seeing so much more that I couldn’t even begin to see last year. I see God is calling me to a much higher level of faith and deeper level of trust and greater persistence.
I know that you know all about persistence with running marathons. That is what times of extended trials are. Times to grow and develop our weak faith and trust muscles, and to train us in the discipline of persistence. That we might continue firmly rooted in faith, praying passionately and fervently, but also waiting patiently as we trust God’s timing and His wisdom.
Much love, my precious brother in Christ!
Jeff, I am sorry you are at this place. Bitterness is satan brew. He loves for us to be upset and not as peace.
I have been in a similar situation as you. What I learned is God gives us what we NEED not what we WANT. Is it fun? nope. Did I understand why? Nope. Did I scream out to God, Why? Yep But the one thing that I knew through it all was God had a reason.
Now today, I know that reason. It still makes me sad that it took me so long to listen to what God was teaching me. I wasted a lot of years.
Today I am so happy to be out of that valley but I know without a shadow of a doubt, God did it for MY GOOD because He loved me so. I pray Jeff that you can see that in your circumstances, and that you can discover what God is teaching you.
I know one thing for sure. He loves you and He is allowing you to go through this because He does love you.
I will be praying for you.
Thanks for reaching out to Jeff, Daisymae. 🙂
Just feel so dicouraged tonight. I’ve been praying for some pb in our marriage for do many long and nothing seems to change, especially in one area. My husband is aware of the pb because he is the real actor but he always find some excuse to not find help and fix the pb. I just arrive in a place of surrendering : after less than 3 years of marriage my needs have been met so poorly in that area. I just need to give up to have a great relationship in that area. I would known about thr pb I won’t have married my husband cause our priorities are so different on that matter. Just need to cry and let it go and accept that until we are married, my need won’t be met. I know it seems so selfish and probably is. It is just hard and painful to arrive to that point…
Sonadewonderful,
It is not selfish to desire intimacy on every level with your husband. That is what marriage is designed by God to be. But, when we have tried and tried and when our husbands won’t give us what we want – there can be a time when it can be necessary to give our desire and dream to God and to determine to be content no matter what happens. I do pray that God might draw you both to Himself and heal you both and your marriage. Are y’all seeing anyone for counseling now?
I feel your pain, my precious sister! Sending you a BIG hug!
Thanks April. This is what I did: we’ll see what happen. It’s hard but I choose to not do anything but prayer. No, we sprint see counselling, my husband is not open about it. I wanted to do a 3 months couple course but even if he accepted first, he then quit saying he doesn’t have any time. Only God can redeem this part of my marriage. Thanks to continue praying April: really need it!
I will pray for you, my precious sister! And for your husband. The enemy is the only one who wants things to continue as they have been. I am really glad you are praying right now – there is no greater power!