Skip to main content
photo 1-3

Prayer for the Victims of Abuse and for Abusers

992379_14208308

 

RESOURCES:

National Hotline for Domestic Violence

The Salvation Army (for counseling on a variety of severe issues)

Al-Anon

Celebrate Recovery (for drug addiction)

God revealed something to me at a prayer conference at our church Friday night. I’m sure many of you have read my posts about how I believe that wives who are in abusive relationships or who have severe issues in their marriage need to seek godly, experienced, appropriate, one-on-one counsel. I still believe that is wise. I know that I probably don’t have the background and all of the understanding to best advise women who are experiencing severe problems in their marriages (real abuse, infidelity, drug/alcohol addiction, uncontrolled mental health problems, severe sin issues). There are times when separation is most necessary, unfortunately.

But, God showed me that I do have something to offer to my precious sisters and brothers who are victims of abuse or who are the abusers and those who have severe marriage issues. I can pray. We can pray together. This is an intense spiritual battle, after all. No, I don’t have all of the answers. I don’t have all of the resources. I don’t know how the legal system works. I don’t have all of the wisdom or all of the understanding in order to give specific advice to victims of abuse in various situations. I may not understand all of the filters and paradigms of those who have been victims of abuse. I may not accurately predict how those who are have been abused may interpret all of my words about marriage. But – what I do have, I want to share with y’all.

Please join me in praying. And, please feel free to add your prayers for these precious men and women in the comments.

Let’s surround these who are hurting so much with the power of God and of prayer together, church!

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God. Ephesians 6:10-17

 

Almighty God,

You alone are the sovereign God of the universe. You are the Creator of galaxies. You hold every star, planet, comet, molecule, and subatomic particle in Your powerful hands. You know the stars each by name. You alone are God – there is no other. There was never a god before You. There will never be a god after You. You are the beginning and the end. You are the Wonderful Counselor. You are the Prince of Peace. You are the Great Physician. You are the Mighty God Who Saves. You are our Rock. You are our Fortress. You are the only source of truth and love. You possess all wisdom. You possess all understanding. Nothing escapes your notice. If we rise to the heavens, You are there. If we make our bed in the depths of the grave, You are there. Where can we flee from Your presence? You are everywhere. You are all-knowing. You are all-powerful. You will accomplish Your good purposes.

How we praise You that no human, no demon, no power or principality can ever thwart Your plans. No sinner is beyond Your reach. No human evil is too great for the blood of Jesus to overcome. The blood of Christ is able to cleanse all of our sin. We are all in desperate need of Christ. You are more than sufficient for us!

You love marriage. You love families. You hate divorce. You hate all sin. You hate violence. You hate people hurting one another in any way – spiritually, emotionally, mentally, financially, physically, or sexually. You long for every marriage to represent the intimacy between Christ and His church, to bring You great glory. It is the devil who wants to steal, kill, and destroy each of us, our marriages, and our families. Let us cooperate with You to heal and bless marriages, let us never cooperate with the enemy!

Lord, we lift up some very broken and hurting marriages and families to You today. We lay them at Your feet in the throne room of the highest heaven before You, the Most High God. We cannot fix these precious people for whom Christ died. We cannot heal them. But You absolutely can. They are not beyond Your reach. Wives cannot fix abusive husbands in their own power, wisdom, and strength. Husbands cannot fix abusive wives on their own. We cannot even fix or save ourselves. But You are the God who saves! You are the God who heals! You are able to change people by the power of Your Spirit working in them. You are able to turn wretched sinners into holy saints! You are able to change a person’s nature completely. You are able to destroy sin and death – Jesus already has done so on the cross! You are able to radically change sinners and evil people and broken, hurting people into people who demonstrate the very heart and mind of Christ. In Jesus, there is NEW LIFE! The old has gone, the new has come! In Jesus, You are able to make anyone a NEW CREATION! How we praise and thank You for this amazing miracle!

We lift up those who are being or have been abused by their husbands/wives/parents/others. We lift up those who are experiencing severe problems in their marriages. The spiritual, emotional, and mental damage that true abuse causes is so very devastating, Lord. And it is so rampant today. How my heart breaks and how I just weep for those who are being (or have been) mistreated – whether as children or as adults. I know that Your heart is greatly grieved over this oppression and cruelty. This is not Your will for anyone. You want all of us to have godly families that are healthy, vibrant, and flourishing. You desire all of us to walk in obedience to Your ways. You are a holy God. You cannot tolerate any sin. You will not ignore the cries of victims and You will not ignore the sin of abusers. You desire justice. You do not ever condone or wink at any sin. 

Some of these precious people are hurting so very much, Lord. The wounds are grievous. Draw them to Yourself. “The Lord is close to the broken hearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.” Psalm 34:18. I pray that each one of these dear souls will find his/her worth in Christ. I pray that they will each find Your healing mentally, emotionally, physically, sexually, and spiritually. I pray that You might provide the resources they need, the love of Your body, the wisdom of God, the power of Your Spirit. I pray that You might help them to take each thought captive for Christ. Help them to see any lies they are embracing from the enemy of their souls. Set them free from spiritual oppression. Let them see that the shackles and chains that have bound them in the dungeon have fallen away and that the dungeon door is open. They can find freedom, joy, peace, power, and healing in Christ! If they don’t know You and don’t have a relationship with You, let them come to You even today, Lord! Help them to have power over the wrong thoughts and ungodly ideas that hold them captive through Your truth and Your Spirit. How I pray that You might heal their wounds and bind up their broken hearts and let them stand firm in Christ. Let them know their worth in Christ! 

For though we live in the world, we do not wage war as the world does. The weapons we fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:3-5

Through Jesus, we are all more than conquerors (Romans 8). Let us each know our worth and value in Christ Jesus! Not by any power we possess or by our wisdom or goodness, but because when we come to Christ, all we have is His and all He has is ours!!!!!! Jesus, we give you our brokenness, our weakness, our infirmities, our lack of wisdom, our faulty thinking, our burdens, our scars, our wounds, our sins, our loneliness, and our powerlessness. You take all the mess that we are and all of our sin on Yourself. You nailed all of our sin to the cross with You, Jesus! We then died with You and were buried with You and we no longer live. We are now dead to sin and to this world. Now, we are alive to God in Christ. Now, we possess victory over sin and the grave! (Romans 5-8) Now, You live in and through us. Now, we have access to all that You are and all that You have. Now, we can clothe ourselves in Your righteousness, holiness, goodness, and power. Now, we can pick up Your strength, Your power, Your love, Your understanding, Your wisdom, Your plans, Your purposes, Your priorities, Your healing, Your goodness, Your Spirit, Your riches of heaven, Your abundant spiritual life, Your Living Water, and Your intimacy with the Father. Now, You live through us. We are children of the King of kings and Lord of lords! We are no longer paupers! We are no longer destitute! We are children of the Most High God when we are in Christ!

Where there is demonic oppression, I pray that You might reveal that to these who are suffering and set them free by the power of Jesus. I pray that each of us might submit ourselves fully to You as Lord. I pray that each one of us might entrust ourselves to You and I pray that we might then resist the devil so that he will flee (James 4:7). We must be fully submitted to God, then You give us the power to resist the enemy. Give these who are suffering mighty prayer warriors to surround them with prayer. Give them godly mentors. Provide all of the resources they need to find healing, rest, peace, and recovery. Give them wisdom about exactly what to do and when. Help those who are being mistreated to know when they should stay or when they should leave. Give them the words to say. Let them trust fully in You and let them see clearly what You desire them to do and hear Your voice and obey You. Give them big faith in You. Show them how they need to speak and act and live. Give them the power of Christ to overcome the darkness, to pray with fervency, to overcome the forces of evil that wish to attack, steal, kill, and destroy. Let them soak up Your Word and abide in You constantly and in prayer. Empower them to live by Your Spirit and to have the victory that Christ has won on our behalf.

I pray for the abusers. These people are also precious to You. You love them. Jesus died for them. Yes, they are wretched sinners – as we all are apart from Christ. But praise God!!!! They are not beyond the reach of Jesus!!!!!!  They are wayward and lost – and God longs for them to come home. We as people cannot change them. We as humans cannot save them. But You have the power to save and change these people. You have the power to turn them from abusers into sons and daughters of God! That is the greatest need of every person on the planet. Lord, many of these men and women have been abused themselves. Many of them are being oppressed spiritually by demons and sin. Some of them are in bondage to addictions to drugs or alcohol. Some of them are mentally ill. Some of them have embraced bitterness, anger, revenge, hatred, and evil and have given the enemy a great foothold to build a fortress in their hearts and lives. All of them are deeply wounded. They are hurting. They are angry. They don’t have any hope. They are imprisoned. Lord, how we join hands together around the world and pray for Your Spirit to draw these men and women to Yourself. Open their eyes to their sin. Convict them of their sin and show them the path to Christ and to salvation! Let them see Your holiness and Your love for them. Let them grieve over their sin and the hurt they have caused to You and to those they love most. Let them understand what Jesus did for them on the cross! Let them see that forgiveness and a new life is completely available to them by the power of the blood of Jesus alone! Let them come to Christ and turn from their sin and abusive ways. Let them find freedom from the spiritual oppression and prisons they have been in for many years. Let them become new creations in Christ for Your greatest glory! Give them the godly mentors and resources they need to grow in Christ and to become godly men and women who are faithful to You and who live holy lives of love for Your kingdom!

We cannot save anyone. But You can. We cannot heal. But You can. We cannot overcome demons or strongholds of sin. But Jesus can! And when we are in Christ, we have all the power of heaven and You give us total access to Your throne room. You allow us to come before You confidently and boldly in prayer to ask for mercy and help in times of need. (Hebrews 4:16) Our faith and confidence is not in our human wisdom. Our faith and confidence is not in our own human strength. Our faith and confidence is in You alone, Jesus! You are Lord, even over the demons. They tremble before You. They are under Your authority and they must obey You. They cannot do anything apart from Your permission. And if You tell them to leave, they must flee.

I pray that You might give salvation and spiritual healing and freedom in Christ to these among us who are living lives of violence, hatred, and sin and who are deeply wounding those who love them. Open their blinded eyes. Let them see with Your eyes. Wake them from their spiritual state of death to new life in Christ Jesus! Let them come to Him as Lord. Heal them. Cleanse them. Bind their wounds. Transform them radically by the regenerating power of Your Spirit. Let them become godly men and women who storm the world for Your kingdom and Your glory.

Heal these broken marriages. Heal these broken souls. Heal the broken children, men, and women. We trust these marriages and families to You. We pray for healing for the husbands, wives, and children. We pray with huge faith for a mighty movement of Your Spirit among us to bring people to genuine repentance and to new, abundant life and healing in Christ Jesus.

In the Name and power of our Lord, Jesus Christ and for Your glory and Your purposes to be accomplished,

Amen!

RELATED:

How to Have a Relationship with Christ

What Does God Say About You? (your identity in Christ)

Prayer for Those Addicted to Porn and Those in the Porn/Sex Industry

Prayer Day – consecration

Prayer Day – humility

Prayer Day – praying in faith not fear

Prayer Day – Praying from an Obedient Life

Prayer Day-  Praying with Respect

How to Pray for Your Husband So That God Will Hear

Why I Don’t Write for Women with Abusive Husbands – I don’t have experience with abuse myself, and some women in abusive marriages may mis-hear what I say when I talk about biblical submission or respect. I don’t want to further harm my already deeply wounded sisters. I encourage women who are truly being abused to seek godly, experienced, biblical counsel and appropriate help from the authorities when necessary. Please see some resources on this post I have linked. I don’t want anyone to be abused or to be unsafe. The posts I have about our walk with Christ may be helpful for all wives, but posts about respect and biblical submission – I write from a slant of having been a dominant, controlling, disrespectful wife, with a passive husband. Sometimes women with abusive husbands or women who are “too submissive” may misunderstand my posts because of different filters and paradigms they may have and because they will be approaching becoming a godly wife from a different angle than I do. I desire men, women, and children to be safe.

Do I Condone Marital Rape or Abuse?

 

48 thoughts on “Prayer for the Victims of Abuse and for Abusers

    1. This is such a beautiful prayer. I personally have experience as a child with mental, physical, and sexual abuse at the hands of my father…all of my siblings did. We, unfortunately, did not have the courage to speak up until we were in our teens, and so the silent pain and suffering was deep and immense. He was sentenced to serve 20 years in prison when I was 17 years old. At the time of his sentencing, I publicly addressed him in the courtroom with my pain for my family and myself. I also publicly forgave him. Or so I thought…

      I struggled with depression and emotionally would disconnect myself from life as a defense mechanism. I thought I had forgiven him, but I still carried the baggage of my past and open sores that I thought had healed would burst open at the slightest remembrance of my childhood. It wasn’t until several years later that I asked God to forgive him and take away his guilt that I felt release from the shame and pain of my past. I laid all my sins both past and present at the feet of Jesus that night and in turn felt the Holy Spirit telling me that I’m forgiven and so I must forgive. And I did.

      Until that point I thought I was the better person by forgiving him, but I hadly truly not been able to do so on my own. It was only by the grace of God that I was given the gift to forgive as I was also forgiven. It was literally a weight lifted off my chest as I felt a physical, emotional, and spiritual response. I have been blessed with the title of wife and mother. And though I still carry the scars of my past, they are healed scars no longer a source of pain.

      In saying all this, I pray for those both young and old, male or female, who have experienced any form of abuse. I want you to know that Jesus is with you every step of the way. No matter how deserted you may feel, He is there. He does not wish any of that pain on you, but you are strong enough by His grace to endure and prosper. And He will use you to reach someone in pain and bring them to His healing waters. I overcame, by His mercy and grace, when I saw my father for the man God wants him to be and the man God loves in spite of his sins. You can and you will be healed. Just trust in Jesus. The pains of this world can’t compare to the joy that’s coming! Love and God Bless!

      1. Hydee,

        Oh goodness! I cannot begin to imagine how much damage and how many deep scars there would be for children in such a situation. How my heart breaks for what you have experienced. I am so thankful that you are finding healing in Christ! Thank you so very much for sharing your story.

        My greatest concern with children who are abused is that their understanding of God, masculinity, femininity, marriage, and family can become so warped from their awful experiences. It can be very difficult for them to trust and love God because it is so easy for children to assume that God is just like their earthly fathers or mothers. How I long for every child to have godly parents. I believe that is God’s desire and plan – for every child to experience his/her parents living out a godly marriage and godly example for them, to protect their children, to teach them God’s ways, to love and nurture them and be parents who display the character of Christ. God will hold parents accountable to His holy standards. And thankfully, He can transform parents to be godly examples. When children have healthy, Christlike examples, it is so much easier for them to understand who God is and to trust and love Him.

        But how thankful I am that God is able to reach those who were sinned against, abused, mistreated, and hurt by those who should have been loving them with God’s love. I am thankful that we can all find the ultimate Father in God and that He never has evil motives toward us. He never abandons us. He never betrays us. He always does what is in our best interest. He loves us with a love that we cannot begin to fathom as we look at what He was willing to do for us on the cross. We never have to wonder how much God loves us. We can rest in His perfect love that casts out every fear.

        Much love to you!

        1. Yes, many children who have been abused will continue the cycle of abuse and/or have unhealthy relationships based on their skewed reality of what “love and family” are. I’m thankful I have an amazing husband who loves me and our children as a husband and father should.

          I’ve loved reading your blogs as they’ve helped me to see my marriage in a new light. No one is perfect and I’m so thankful that our Father’s love is unconditional and forgiving. No one needs to stay in an abusive relationship…period! But how wonderful that healing can and will come if we let Him into our heart.

          1. Hydee,

            I’m so thankful God has blessed you through this blog. And I am even more thankful for the healing He has been doing in your life. Thank you so very much for sharing!

      2. Hydee,

        I love the way you describe how the ability to truly forgive your father rested not in the thought that you were the better person for forgiving him, but on the reality that you yourself have been forgiven by your heavenly Father, and so you also must forgive.

        I thank God you were able to see that, and in His power to find true freedom from the sins committed against you in your childhood!

        I think we each can learn about forgiveness in our own lives by the example you have shared with us here!

        Love,
        HisHelper

        1. I rarely talk about my past because I do not want to draw attention to the abuse or for anyone to see me in a different light. I have openly talked about it when I felt the Spirit drawing me to do so, and I felt that pulling while reading this blog.

          Thank you for seeing the message of forgiveness. That was my intention in my post. To show that forgiveness is necessary for healing, and both can ONLY be done by the love and grace of Jesus.

          1. Hydee,

            I have never had to forgive things on the level that you have had to – and yet, even the “small things” that I have had to forgive – I could only do through the power of God’s Spirit working in me. I can’t do that on my own! There is so much power in forgiveness when we allow God to do the work in our souls. Love this!

  1. Wow, this really hit home with me. I have experienced abuse as a child, teen and now as an adult. My family is all recovering alcoholics, praise God! But, what do i do, i marry an alcoholic. We have seeked council and help, it sure hasn’t been easy. But then God didn’t say it would be easy it would be worth it! My husband and I did marriage counseling through our church, at that time my husband had three years with out drinking. It was really cool to watch God work in both of our lives and put things together like He intended it to be.

    But then, my husband started drinking and staying out all night, coming home 7 in the morning extremely drunk. I felt so bad for my daughter that they had to see that and know that dad wasn’t coming home because he was out partying. So, for myself i went back for counseling. There i found out that i was basing my happiness on my husband, weather or not he was praising God or reading the Word or going to church. I thought what is this! Why, how did i lose focus off of my Lord and replace it with my husband!

    It was very mind opening for me and sadness came over me. I was lonely, in despair again. I yearned for Jesus! I missed Him so much and thought it was my husband i was missing. (Granted, I did miss my husband. But if my focus was where it was supposed to be, with God. Then maybe i wouldn’t have been so lonely.) So, with that being said, I am building my relationship with Jesus. Not my husbands relationship but mine. I pray everyday, every moment that i can stay focused on Jesus and not lose sight and not start looking at my husband as my god.

    I know the Lord loves me and am so excited that He, through His Holy Spirit showed me what was going on. We can do all things through Christ Jesus our Lord…without Him I am a wreck! My husband now is sober again and going back to church, I praise God for that, it is an answered prayer and in the mean time please pray for me, sisters, that I keep my eye on God and don’t lose sight of Him. I already have before, and wow i really don’t want to go back that road.

    1. Keeping My Eye on Jesus,

      Goodness what a painful situation! I am so thankful that you have been focusing on Jesus. And PRAISE GOD that your husband is sober again and is going to church.

      I am going to pray for you right now that you will not put your faith and trust in your husband as a god, but that you will focus on Christ and trust in Him and depend on Him as your Rock, your Refuge, your Source of peace, joy, purpose, fulfillment, acceptance, empowerment, and love.

      Much love to you!

  2. I think this blog and others like it help to keep women in bondage to their abusers. I know that is not your intent. But abusers who use the word of God to abuse women count on other Christians to help further the abuse of their victims.

    Some abusers can never get the so called help you claim. They suffer from mental illness and no matter how much we try they can’t be fixed. Some women latch onto this blog for validation that they should stay and keep trying. If they could only get this or that right or be more submissive. I’m glad that you clarified this here. But the church has conditioned so many women into thinking it’s their fault. They stay for that reason, and even subject heir children to witnessing abuse. God never intended for that.

    There are so many people who will help you and who will be there for you on the other side of abuse. It’s not your fault. You don’t deserve it. Please don’t suffer silently.

    1. Anon,

      This is exactly why over and over in my blog I tell women that I am not writing for women who are abused – that they may mishear what I say as if I am saying they should stay and take abuse – which I NEVER say. My blog is primarily for women who were controlling and disrespectful with passive husbands. It is not written from the perspective of someone who has been through abuse. I believe they will need very specific and different resources than my blog. I NEVER EVER condone abuse. If a woman is truly being abused, I encourage her to seek help and to get to a safe place. If you read my other posts about abuse, that is what I say. I often put disclaimers in my posts that women with severe problems in their marriages – abuse, infidelity, uncontrolled mental illness, drug/alcohol abuse, etc… – should not read my posts about marriage, respect, and biblical submission, but should seek appropriate help. I give the numbers to the national hotline for domestic violence and the info for The Salvation Army.

      No one deserves to be abused. God can change people and God can help abusers, but wives cannot change abusers and there are times the wives and children may need to get out for their own safety.

      Thank you so much for your comment! If you have suggestions about how I can be more clear about this, I am all ears. 🙂

      1. I thought I should say something on this that I recently read. It’s a book by a lady called Erin Pizzey. This lady is the founder and f shelters for abused women. She founded the very first one in England. The book is titled ” Prone to Violence”. The book was banned in England and she received death threats leading to her leaving for Canada.

        This book was an eye opener and is about addiction. Not addiction to drugs but to violence. It’s a book everyone should read. Violent people are products of violence and both the abused and the abuser may in fact need help.

        It would be great if you could read this book and break it down for everyone. Won’t be easy to find it though and f you do it won’t be cheap. Lol. But then nothing good ever is I suppose.

        1. Nick,
          I am sure that the abused and the abusers both need very specialized help. And yes, I believe that violence can be an addiction – probably an addiction to attempting to have control or power and to prevent rejection. That is the saddest thing to me, that so many children who were abused grow up and follow that same awful pattern. Breaks my heart.

          I could read that book – but – I would need to spend months, if not years, studying about abuse and treating abusers and victims because their paradigms and filters are so vastly different. I greatly appreciate the resource!

    1. I am also seeing this in myself and don’t like who I’ve become. Being continuously abused does bring out the worst in another. Jandjcreative2013 is it possible to distance yourself from the abuser for a time?

        1. jandjacreative2013,

          When we come to Christ, we all have a lot of lies, ungodly ideas, ungodly paradigms, ungodly ways of thinking, sinful motives, wounds, scars, and general ickiness. All of us must go through the process of laying still on the spiritual operating table while God does open heart surgery on our souls and begins to tear out the sin and gut all of our human, worldly wisdom about masculinity, femininity, God, marriage, living for God, etc… We have to dig it all out and trash everything that is not of Him and rebuild on His Word and His truth alone. This is the same process for all of us, we just have different trash in our souls to start with sometimes.

          Praying for you to allow God to work mightily in your heart to remove the wounds and the warped ideas about God and relationships and to flood your soul with the power of His Spirit, His truth, His love, and His way of relating that is healthy, wholesome, beautiful, and right.

          Much love!
          April

    2. jandjcreative2013 and Megan R,

      I am praying for you both. In Christ, there is total healing available for those who have been abused. And in Him, there is total healing available for abusers as well.

      I’m here if you need more prayer or if you want to talk. I am praying for God to provide all of the resources you need – but most of all – His Spirit and His wisdom and direction and His healing.

  3. Peaceful wife,
    please pray with me. My husband is slowly turning violent and abusive. he is a believer but twice he has abused me verbally. Last year he threatened to beat me, last sunday he threatened again and even grabbed my dress.i am afraid he may eventually hurt me. i am considering options for help because i dont want to see it happen. the worst [part is that the latest episode, he did it in the presence of our 2 toddler age daughters.

    1. Liz,

      I am praying for wisdom for you both. This breaks my heart. There should never be any beating or threats of violence in marriage. 🙁 I pray that God might heal your heart and his heart and that He might give you His power and wisdom to restore His kind of love, honor, and respect in the marriage on both sides.

  4. Abusers are narcissistic people who do not see you as an individual, but as their pawn in their world of power and control.

    My husband approached me while I was still married to my first husband. He manipulated me for years. I disliked him at first but he wore me down, became my friend, and after my divorce from my abusive ex, convinced me to be with him. I was coerced into marriage, he destroyed me and my daughter from my first marriage, and ruined my face for life. The church he attends thinks he is great and I’m nuts and ungrateful. I left just before completely losing my mind from abuse.

    I prayed for years and when I felt I should leave, the people in the church said it wasn’t that bad and they would pray. I needed to leave from the onset.

    Christianity is a horrible reason to stay with abuse. Jesus would never be okay with that. Men are to be gentle with their wives. To love them. If not, they are not sanctifying the marriage. Then it’s okay to leave abuse every time. Shame on the church for believing otherwise.

    Too much irreparable damage is done in the name of Christ.

    1. Karen,

      All sin is abusive. And abuse is never condoned by God. I have a post about that here. I never condone any sin or any kind of abuse against anyone.

      I do want to be careful with the word, “abuse,” though – because many people have many different definitions. Some women think that if their husbands disagree with them, that is abusive. Or that if their husbands want them to spend in a budget, that is abusive. Or that if their husbands attempt to lead in a godly way, that is abusive.

      But there are men and women who truly do abuse their spouses – who are hateful, who try to hurt them spiritually, emotionally, sexually, or physically. Some go to extreme lengths to do this. How heartbreaking!

      There are times when separation is most necessary (1 Cor. 7). God allows for a spouse who is being mistreated to leave.

      Husbands are to be gentle, loving, selfless, and Christlike with their wives. Wives are to honor and respect their husbands. (Eh. 5:22-33)

      Ultimately, the decision to leave is something that is between each believer and God. I have a post about that here.

      I’m very sorry to hear about the pain you have experienced. I wish I could hug your neck!! Thank you for sharing. Much love to you!

  5. I am most definitely verbally abused by my fiancé and I have to wonder if I deserve this.. If this is my punishment because I am a divorced women. I have 4 children with my ex husband and I have 1 with my now fiancé. When I met him I thought he was a dream come true because I left a physically abusive husband. The verbal abuse I endure is beyond anything I can write on this post. I just wonder if god can heal this man, if he can change his heart. I don’t think god hears me at all anymore. I just know I can’t leave my situation but I also know I’m basically dead inside and can’t live this way. If not for my kids I would have taken my own life because of the cruel and evil verbal abuse.

    1. Amy,

      I don’t want to see anyone abused or sinned against in any way. 🙁 How do you respond when he verbally abuses you? Do you lash out at him, too?

      Let’s talk about your relationship with God, my friend. 🙂 How do you believe you can be right with God? Why do you believe you can’t leave?

      God can heal anyone. But you can only control yourself, of course. And it may take time for God to heal someone.

      What do you believe you need to be happy?

      What are your greatest fears?

      Does your fiance know how hurt you are and that you have thought about suicide?

      Much love to you!!!!! I am praying for God’s healing for you both and for your children.

  6. I have abused my husband. I have hit him and bit him 8 times in the last 3 years. I also tried to commit suicide about a month ago. My husband couldn’t take the disrespect anymore and left 2 days ago. For about a month I have been repenting and changing and 3 days ago I rebuked Satan from my home in the name of Jesus. It was the next day my husband left.

    After reading 1Cor 7:15 I now realize that I am the unbeliever even though I thought he was because I am saved and he isn’t. Now I realize that bc of my abuse and harm on my husband he is no longer bound to me. Because I am the unbeliever and God calls us to live in peace. God loves my husband bc he is his son. I hurt his son and I have to let my husband go. He is free to divorce me bc I am the u believer. I want God to find him in all his pain and show himself to my husband. I pray that God forgives me and changes me and doesn’t withhold future blessings from me now that I know what I did. I’m little and he is big and some people said he could have stopped you you aren’t abusive but I am and I know it.

    I have no right to ask God to bring my husband home anymore. My husband deserves to find love from someone that won’t hurt him. I will miss him but now my prayer is to let him go and find God and find happiness and for me to worship God only and work on my past hurts. My husband hopefully can forgive me one day and I pray that but I know now the marriage is over bc God released him from the abuse. I wish I could have changed just 2 weeks sooner. Then we would still be together but I found out and saw the damage I was doing too late.

    1. Mysti,

      Oh goodness, I am so heartbroken to hear about how bad things have been. Do you know why you have been hurting your husband and trying to kill yourself? Do you have any spiritual support around you? A strong Bible-teaching church? A godly counselors? Prayer partners?

      Are you doing okay as far as not wanting to hurt yourself?

      You are turning to Christ and want to stop your sin, that is awesome! It sounds to me like you want to be a believer in Christ. God can forgive you and can change your heart, mind, and soul and heal you. 🙂 Are you familiar with how Scripture teaches we can be right with God through Jesus?

      It sounds like you may have some very deep scars from your past.

      It is possible that God could still heal your marriage, Mysti. That is my prayer. But I do want to see you find a lot of healing for yourself in Christ first. And I would love to see you have a very trusted, Christian, wise counselor to help walk you through this who knows you in person.

      Much love to you!

      1. Not really, I moved to a new city when my husband got a new job 8 months ago but I have God back in my life now. I will be okay. I just realized how selfish it was to keep praying to God to restore my marriage when it wasn’t peaceful for my husband anymore. Abuse ends the marriage covenant. I have to accept that and let him go like he asked me too. It will be hard because I love him and I’m not taking all the blame. He abused me too. Many weeks and months of total silence pushed me to my breaking point. People aren’t meant to be ignored and dismissed for weeks at a time. To not hear one word from the person you love makes you feel worthless. The silent treatment is abuse too. What I did though feels unforgivable but I know I’m forgiven all the same. I’ve been saved for many years but I let God go some time back and just now through my dark depression knew I needed him back. It hurts I didn’t put God first sooner bc maybe then I would still have my husband but after all this I have to let him go so he can find happiness away from me finally.

        1. Mysti,

          I do agree that it doesn’t work to pray for God to restore your marriage if you are continuing to abuse your husband. That is true. Very glad that you were convicted about your sin and repented and turned away from it and that you want to change. I do think that a marriage can be healed, even after abuse. You are not beyond the reach of Christ! But you probably do have a great deal of spiritual healing to do.

          Did he initiate the abuse at times, too? So heartbreaking that there was so much abuse going on. 🙁 You both need a lot of healing. His main kind of abuse was the silent treatment? Or did he physically abuse you, too?

          My husband tended to shut down and shut me out a lot earlier in our marriage. Turns out, in my case, he was feeling very disrespected by me, but I didn’t realize that. You can check out my story on the About Me page at the top of my home page. I have a lot of posts about similar topics, what to do when your husband shuts down. If you are interested. 🙂

          I’m so glad you are seeking God first now. That is AWESOME!

          Are you interested in seeing some prayers for spiritual healing?

          Another site that may be helpful is http://www.leslievernick.com – she talks about emotionally toxic relationships.

          Also, check out healthy VS unhealthy relationships and godly femininity.
          Much love to you!

          1. Well sure he always initiated it. He cut me down constantly, said I wasn’t a smart a user I was manipulative a bad mom and at least every two weeks when I would beg him to finally speak to me and apologize for lots of stuff like buying makeup etc he would say we weren’t right for each other and he wanted a divorce. I would beg and cry for him to please stay with me and he would start packing boxes and I would get frantic then angry then push him or slap him and now he says he is leaving because I abused him which I did do that! I lost who I was with him I just wanted to make him happy and I wanted him to stay. He said me and my kids didn’t appreciate him all the time and we all walked on eggshells I would clean like crazy every day cook after work and try to just hug him and he would say get away from him it just hurt so much until finally I wanted to die. He doesn’t think he did anything wrong though it was always me. Regardless though he didn’t hit me I hit him so he is justified to leave me now. That’s what I’m getting from that verse is that I have to let him leave

          2. Mysti,

            Okay, so he did not initiate the physical abuse. But you felt ignored and unloved and felt that he was harsh. You had an unhealthy way of relating on both sides, it sounds like.

            I do think you need to let him leave and not try to demand that he stay. I think that is wise.

            I have some posts and things that may be healing for you if you are interested.

            Much love to you!

          3. Mysti,

            Please search my blog for:

            healthy vs unhealthy relationships
            control
            fear
            bitterness
            be filled with the Holy Spirit
            contentment
            security
            anger

            And please check out the comments in the comment section by RadiantandRedeemed on this post from last week. She leads a number of women through prayers for spiritual healing and deliverance from wrong thinking.

          4. Mysti,

            I’m not sure you have to say goodbye. You are a believer in Christ, from what it sounds like to me. You have repented and want to live for God. It is possible God could heal this marriage. You are not beyond His reach. Your husband is not beyond His reach. But right now, it may be necessary to be separated.

            You are also welcome to check out the resources Hi mentioned, and Leslie Vernick’s site and http://www.focusministries1.org, as well. 🙂

            Much love to you! I pray for God’s healing for you and your husband and family.

          5. Mysti…
            These details sound very much like what my husband does right now. It’s been this way for many years now. The ups and downs or periods of love and then hate are so incredibly CONFUSING! Please go to http://cryingoutforjustice.com

            They seem qualified to understand and help people going thru this with online support and other resources. Lots of blogs and sermons. Keep seeking help! Ask your questions there.

          6. Yes but he doesn’t hit me. I hit him. I’ve hit him well slapped him 8 times in 3 years! I also bit him twice. And twice I scratched his face. He needs the justice not me.

            I know he isn’t totally innocent but it’s like he said if he hit me back he would kill me bc he is big and I’m a very small person. But it’s still abuse and I’m ashamed of what I did. I know I was provoked but I should have had self control. It was so hard to sit there and listen for hours at the lists of everything deplorable about my character and finally I would get so mad especially when he said he was leaving. When begging didn’t work and crying and asking him not to leave us I would slap him and say he was an abandoner and he should pay etc.

            Strangely then he would stay and say we would work it out. He left twice before and i chased him to come back and he did. then we moved and my dad died and I started having panic attacks. I got real depressed and told him I didn’t want to live anymore and he said “your always sick” ” I can’t take it anymore” I’m done Mysti get over me let me go” so I did.

            At first I was glad he left because I didn’t want the tension anymore bc I can’t please him or make him happy but really I just want a break to stay with God and learn some coping skills when he tries to manipulate me again but I don’t want a divorce. But now today I have let myself go way into shame bc I recognize that I am abusive I hit someone and it’s killing me that I did that. He would laugh sometimes when I did that bc he said I only hurt myself bc my hand would hurt from slapping him he said I was too weak to hurt anyone but now I see the real pain in him bc it did hurt that he allowed himself to be disrespected and that’s what I can’t let go of that I am an abuser!!!!

            Me?! An abusing spouse.

            I have to let him go find someone that wouldn’t do that to him. I hope he finds God too so he doesn’t do the silent treatment to another woman and cut her down so much bc it did beat me down a lot. I hated walking on eggshells wondering will he notice everything I did today. I actually wanted him to be proud of me??? How pathetic that I couldn’t find my contententment in Jesus Christ my lord and savior? I made him my source of joy (my husband) and I am only miserable. I just feel lost as to whether it’s right for me to pray for restoration and healing for this marriage when I hurt him physically! I feel he deserves someone better.

  7. Hi April please check out this site. Abused spouses need a godly resource. I’ve been on your blog trying to apply these wonderful things to my life and marriage and things get even worse.

    The closer I am to God and His joy the worse the abuse and manipulation and coercion and isolation gets. And I’m married to a professing Christian. I literally get punished when I’m walking in His joy. Every time and it’s subtle. Like a live lobster in water slowly warming to a boil. And then boom! The crisis arrives. And also it’s incredibly hard to admit and see when I am or even others are abused. It just is and mostly because it is hidden and hidden very well. It’s VERY confusing for the victim in the marriage.

    I am going thru this right now. So far It seems to me that many counselors and churches and agencies don’t always see this abuse clearly and also don’t act accordingly. I’ve been going the this for many years. They don’t know how! Pray more, submit more, do more, etc etc. Worst advice ever. I don’t even think we know what abuse really is. There is no real abuse vs kind of abuse. Abuse is abuse. This site and the authors and pastor on it seem very knowledgable and helpful and they seem dedicated to helping victims of abuse. They clearly stand for the truth.

    And I agree with your statements about your blogs being a trigger to those who are in situations like infidelity, abuse etc. You’re absolutely right. But I kept reading the blogs because there are times when it’s the complete opposite from the abuse (he’s kind and loving and affectionate and attentive) and I think “I was crazy to think all those negative things about him! Boy I got him all wrong.” and then underneath it all …all I want so desperately is to have what you women have… Simply a non-abusive marriage.

    That’s the “drama” you were referring to when I tried to explain things in comments in the past. The drama is that I’m abused everyday and no one sees it on the outside. I cant even go to our church anymore. Crazy to say? Hard to believe? Well it is for me too. But it’s the case and no resource explains it so well as this one below so far that I’ve found. They list many other good resources as well. I’d be happy to see it on your pages/info for those who are coming for help. Thanks for taking the time to hear my thoughts. I hope you’ll consider adding it.

    http://cryingoutforjustice.com

    Thanks in advance.

    1. Hi,

      I’m so sorry to hear about the abuse going on in your marriage. 🙁 That is heartbreaking.

      All sin is abusive. I believe there is kind of a continuum of abuse. Any kind of hateful look is hurtful. Hateful speech is even more hurtful. Hateful actions are hurtful. The silent treatment is hurtful. Sin always leads to death – death of relationships, death of intimacy, death of trust. Sin is progressive. I don’t believe it is necessary for a spouse to leave any time a spouse sins against us in any way. I think there are things that are clear violations of trust and very obvious abuse and it is not a question of whether a spouse needs to leave. Then there are other areas that are more grey – with certain types of verbal, emotional, and spiritual abuse, for instance. That is where each woman needs the wisdom of God about her particular situation, and godly one-on-one counsel with a trusted biblical counselor. Some may need to leave. Some may have a similar situation and believe God is calling them to stay a bit longer. God has the wisdom that each woman needs in every unique situation – I do not.

      There can be unbelieving spouses who do punish a believing spouse for being closer to God. It is called persecution and it is something Jesus warned us to expect (Matthew 10:36).

      I try to have disclaimers all over my blog that I am not writing for women who are being abused and that those who have been abused tend to mishear me in dangerous ways. Women who were too controlling and disrespectful are going to be coming at being a godly wife from a different angle than those who were too passive or too respectful in a dysfunctional way. I have a new guest author, Radiant, who is able to speak from the perspective fob being too respectful of her husband and yet disrespectful of herself. She couldn’t receive good things from God or her husband and treated herself terribly. I see God is using her to reach many wives with opposite personalities form mine. Those who have been abused have additional challenges to face, as well, that I am not well-equipped to address. Hence the disclaimers.

      Thank you for recommending this site. 🙂 I appreciate it. Abused spouses do need a godly resource. I have read some of the posts on that site before, I didn’t agree with everything I read, but some of it was very good. http://www.focusministries1.org seems to be good. Leslie Vernick’s material also seems to be good. http://www.leslievernick.com But I don’t have a history of being abused and have not officially trained on this topic. So I am not privy to all of the filters and mindsets that those who have been abused may have and how they may interpret things differently from those who have not been abused. So I offer these recommendations with that caveat – and suggest that women must check everything they read by any human author against Scripture.

      I don’t want anyone to ever be abused or sinned against at all. I want your marriage to be healed. I want you to be healed. 🙂

      I am not sure how to keep women who have been abused from reading my blog. I’m open to suggestions. Obviously, the disclaimers are not enough. 🙁 I don’t ever want to create more pain or misunderstanding or confusion for anyone. At this point, I have to depend on women reading the disclaimers and using discretion about whether this site is the best option for them.

      May God richly bless your walk with Christ and heal you, your husband, and your marriage. 🙂

      Much love to you!

  8. GOODNESS THIS IS SO POWERFUL!!! I REALLY PRAY for my well the man I absolutely love who is now behind bars for physically attacking me recently. He’s done it before but this time it was intense. I forgive you. No ones perfect. We all make mistakes. But reading this WOW BROUGHT ME TO ABSOLUTE TEAAAARSSS I cannot explain how much I miss him and love him. No one will understand. And I don’t expect them too. But you see we all make mistakes and some may say not like that.

    But each person’s fighting a battle in their souls and hearts. I forgive SOOO much. I want him to be set free and just go home in peace. I pray for him so much and hope GOD HEALS HIS VERY SOUL. I forgive you. I’ll always love and understand him. I miss you so much. It’s hard to explain to anyone. But I forgive and I know no one is perfect. People get mad and some don’t know how to react and some don’t know why and what to do. I really hope he doesn’t stay behind bars because of hurting me. He deserves another chance. Freedom and peace and most of all GODS MIGHTY LOVE.

    I LOVE YOU BRADLEYYYY SOOOOO MUCCCCH. I see the good and I will always be here. Bless your soul my darling. We have fought many a times and life hasn’t been easy for any human or for us and our relationship. I know we are apart. But I’m not against you. I’ll fight for you. I’ll pray for you. May God be with you. He knows our story and yours too. God please heal his heart his family’s and please I love him. Reunite us one day. I don’t know what the future holds. But despite abusiveness on his behalf. I forgive. And love always. I love you Brad always and forever. Amen thank God for LIFE. I

    thank God for so much. I know there’s. Divine being it’s just real I can feel it. I can feel it in my very soul. Bless Brad and watch over him. Send him my love through you Christ. I’m sorry for what we’ve both done to one another the hurt and pain. Bless his very soul LORD PLEASEEE GUARD HIS SOUL forever more.

    1. Sarah Jane,

      I’m glad this was a blessing for you. But I am so very sorry to hear about how bad things have gotten in your relationship. 🙁 That breaks my heart.

      How are you doing spiritually? Would you like to talk about healing in Christ for you?

      Do you have a godly, experienced counselor helping you to work through what has happened and how to find healing in Jesus?

      Much love and a huge hug to you!

  9. I love this prayer. It has a powerful healing effect on my brokenness.

    My husband and I have been struggling, then peaceful on and off daily for almost a year. He prays, then stops and says God isn’t working this out. I pray non stop for direction and healing.

    I wonder if I’m making this an idol. I am working on praising Jesus throughout the day. It’s so hard to balance when I watch my husband withdraw further and further away from God and from me.

    Could I please ask for prayers from you all? My friends and family all say that I should leave him. My heart still says not to.

    Thank you. I’ve seen The Lord work many miracles in my life. I know he can heal this. I need my sisters and brothers to unite with me NOW to bring glory to God in my marriage and into my husband.

    1. Lisa,

      It is so wonderful to meet you! But my heart breaks to hear about your pain. 🙁

      Here are some posts that may be helpful that you may search on my home page search bar:

      Can I Pray Too Much for My Marriage?
      Should I Stay or Should I Go?
      Filled with the Holy Spirit
      25 Ways to Respect Myself

      Also, you may want to search my home page for:

      – enmeshed
      – control
      – abuse
      – idol
      – idolatry
      – expectations
      – prayer

      I pray for God’s wisdom and healing for you first, and for Him to help you see any wrong thinking that needs to be torn out and replaced with His truth. If there are really serious issues, I encourage you to seek godly, wise counsel from someone you can visit in person to help you walk through this.

      Would you like to talk a bit about what is going on?

      How is your relationship with Christ? 🙂

      Much love to you!

  10. Im so glad i found this prayer at such a time in desperate need. I am a single mother /grand mother of our precious miracle GOD gave us in april 2016 ONLY GOD CAN MAKE A MIRACLE HAPPEN n this HE SURE DID FOR ME N MY FAMILY.

    I am a survivor of rape at 5yr sexual oldest and only brother got killed due to road rage 7/4/89 molested from age 10-18 by my moms boyfriend now husband shortly after he passed having my first child at 15 2nd one 8-9 yrs later.

    My oldest 22 now in an abusive relationship now for 4+ yrs w a second chance to love n care for “My Miracle” 2yr old grand daughter that GOD BLESSED US WITH as well as being abused by her father, my mother suddenly passing away 11/2015 two days after her 64th bday two days before thanksgiving day.

    My youngest 13 yrs old, molested by my mom’s husband at age 10, raped by a very violent offender x boyfriend of mine at age 12 who currently sits at our county detention center awaiting trial for the rape facing 29-32 yrs as motions submitted to dismiss witnesses n the case r reduce $30,000.00 cash only bond to the courts for a constitutional resonable amount set for 6/29/2016, as i face w ONLY GOD AT MY SIDE.

    My vehicle suddenly having a gas leak, during our move into our home now in april 2016 as we only had one item left in the apt. We were vacating (washing machine) 78 LB SOLID WOOD utility door outside on the belcony coming off the hinges falling n throwing MY GRAND BABY face down leaving her unconscious lifeless braking her nose n 3 skull fractures in icu having skull surgery GOD GIVING US A MIRACLE AT A TIME IN desperate NEED, where i was left w un packing n getting our home liveable to find out there was no electrical wiring in the home n having to repipe all of the sewer water lines and gas lines to have utilities paying a plumber who didnt finish the job because it was too much and was charging less then his hrly pay to where we still only have running water through a garden hose in the laundry room.

    Aside all of these domestic issues i have severe depression that has never been treated, PTSD, bipolar disorder, anxiety, fybromyalgia, obsessive compulsive disorder, and fighting this disease of drug abuse for the past 20 yrs.

    After baby getting out of the hospital n being slandered n blamed for her accident by father and his family im totaly forced away from my daughter n grand daughter to no communication at all n just ugliness, n torn into a million pieces still grieving for the loss of my mother n the relationship at hand due to her denial n insecurities n chosing her husband over her youngest child n youngest grand child n so on no job, no income other then food stamps n mothers husband sending a piece of my mothers retirement to pay the space we rent, no food at times for my lil one to eat n im beaten dwn.

    GOD U KNOW OUR NEEDS N RIGHT NOW WE ARE A DESPERATE FAMILY BEING TORN APPART WE NEED U N WE NEED U TO HELPS US IN OUR NEEDS RIGHT NOW. PLEASE FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS N FOR WANTING TO GIVE UP AS I FEEL I CANT HANDLE ANY MORE, KNOWING U WILL NEVER PUT IN MY PATH NOTHING THAT I CANT HANDLE i am broken n tired please help us n all who need u in their lives GOD HEAR MY PRAYERS AMEN

    1. Marsha,

      What a horrific nightmare all of these things have been. 🙁 This breaks my heart!

      Do you and your children and grandchildren have the spiritual support and counseling you need to help heal from all of this? These are MAJOR, MAJOR issues that would leave extremely deep scars and wounds emotionally and spiritually.

      I encourage you to speak with a godly, trustworthy, experienced counselor who can help you all walk through the healing steps that will be necessary and to help you all grow in your faith in Christ in the midst of so many storms.

      Praying for God’s healing and regeneration for you and your family members, my sister!

  11. I want to thank the Lord for speaking through you in such a beautiful prayer. I also want to thank you for sharing it with all of us. Whether we are those who suffer as a result of abuse or abusive relationships or those spiritually broken and wayward abusers oppressed by their own sin.

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

%d bloggers like this: