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Why Don’t I Address Women with Abusive Husbands?

 

Because I haven’t been abused, and because I was a dominant, controlling wife – my slant and approach are going to naturally be from the perspective of a wife who was not abused and who used to be dominant, controlling, and disrespectful with a husband who was passive and unplugged. Every writer has a slant. This is what I know. My blog will probably fit women in this category better than with any other marital dynamics. Even for wives who are not being abused but are just more timid, introverted, shy, overly submissive, or passive with dominant husbands – some posts on my blog may not be the best fit. (The posts about our relationship with God may be a fit for everyone, but here – I am talking about some of my posts about respect, conflict, and biblical submission, especially.)

Women who tend to be too quiet, “too submissive,” or “too respectful,” will have to approach many topics from an opposite direction than I do. They may need to learn to speak up more, to share their feelings more, to plug in more, to be more involved, etc… I try to have guest posts from wives with various marital dynamics to help wives in different situations. The reality is that many rather controlling/dominating husbands will not allow their wives to share what they have learned in a blog, even anonymously. And many wives who tend to be “too submissive” or “too respectful” tend not to be very verbal and don’t want to write posts.  So – it can be more difficult to find resources for certain marriage dynamics.

The abuse issue is so much more complex than a simple “dynamics” issue. Let me be very clear-

I don’t EVER condone any sin against anyone. No one deserves to be sinned against or abused in any way.

Abuse is always sinful.

A good definition of abuse:

Abuse is “fundamentally a mentality. It is a mindset of entitlement. The abuser sees himself* as entitled. He is the center of the world, and he demands that his victim make him the center of her world. His goal is power and control over others. For him, power and control are his natural right, and he feels quite justified in using whatever means are necessary to obtain that power and control.”- cryingoutforjustice.com. When leaders see abuse defined they are responsible for that knowledge. When targets of abuse see it defined, we realize that we cannot cause abusers to abuse. – Ellie from www.cryingoutforjustice.com

  • To me – it seems that abuse an issue of idolatry of self and a demand that one’s spouse “worship” oneself, as well – to the detriment of the other person’s spiritual, emotional, mental, financial, or physical well-being.

I don’t condone lust, gossip, greed, pride, self-righteousness, materialism, selfishness, hatred, unforgiveness, malice, control, resentment, bitterness, stealing, hurting someone in any way (emotionally, physically, mentally, financially, or spiritually), violence, infidelity of any kind, idolatry, or any sin. Sin always hurts the one who is sinning, it hurts those who are sinned against, and it grieves the heart of God. No sin is ok. God never gives any of us a free pass to sin.

Some of my posts may apply to everyone – particularly the posts about our relationships with Christ. But some of my posts about marriage, respect, biblical submission, etc… may not be a good fit for certain women.

REASONS I DON’T WRITE FOR WOMEN WHO ARE ABUSED:

1. Some women believe they are being abused but they are not. Some of these wives are actually controlling, manipulative, and disrespectful and their husbands are desperately trying to get the family back on track with God’s Word.

This word, “abuse,” is so overused today. Many women use this word just to garner sympathy or justification for the way they mistreat their husbands. Some of these wives are actually abusive toward their husbands in various ways. They may believe that all of the problems in the marriage are their husband’s fault and take no responsibility for their own sins or their own obedience to God. That was me!

Almost any time that someone wants to blame someone else 100% for all of the problems in a marriage, that is probably a red flag. When two people are married to each other, they will usually both have issues they need to address (of course, there are some rare exceptions where there is severe abuse going on). Some wives in this group have husbands who are truly just trying to lead in a godly way and who ask them to do things like:

This group of women may wrongly call these kinds of things “abuse.” If anyone asks them to look at their own responsibility and accountability to God, to God’s Word, or in the marriage, they get very defensive. This particular group would probably actually benefit greatly from reading my blog. I don’t want to send them away. These are some of the very women I know God has called me to reach in this ministry.

2. Some women are targets of abuse by their husbands but do not realize or acknowledge the abuse to themselves.

They may believe their husbands that all of the problems in the marriage are totally their (the wife’s) fault. They may not realize the manipulation, brain washing, spiritual abuse, emotional abuse, mental abuse, financial abuse, or even physical abuse that is going on. They rationalize the abuse away and think that if they were just more respectful and more submissive, then their marriages would be great. They don’t see their husband’s part of the problem in the marriage. They take full responsibility for every problem in the marriage themselves and believe their husbands are completely innocent. They cannot correctly identify sin in their own lives or in their husbands’ lives.

For these women, reading my blog is not a good idea. It is easy for them to read what I say and “hear” that if only they were more godly wives, everything would be better in their marriages. They make no allowance for the issues that their husbands are responsible for and are overly responsible for every problem themselves. Of course, husbands in such situations often endorse my blog heartily and use my blog as “proof” that all of the problems in the marriage are the wife’s fault while these husbands take zero responsibility for becoming the godly men God calls them to be. That really upsets me! Men are also called to obey God and to love and honor their wives. Just because I only teach women does not mean that men are off the hook before the throne of God. They have even greater accountability and responsibility before God than wives do!

Everyone is welcome here. I love ALL of my sisters and brothers! But I want to be sure that everyone benefits from being here. I don’t want anyone to misunderstand or to be hurt in some way because her needs are different from the things I am addressing. I want each woman to find the help she needs to find emotional, spiritual, mental healing. And I know that each woman has different needs. I do have limitations. God does not. But I certainly do. I am not a professional or certified counselor. I am not a pastor or a theologian. I have not been trained in dealing with severe marriage issues. I am just a wife who wants to share what I have learned and share my journey with others to bless them. But I realize my blog may not be the best resource for everyone and every possible situation.

3. Some women are being targeted by abuse by their husbands in some way but are not honest with me about the abuse.

They don’t tell me how bad the problems are. They tell me that things are going much better than they really are. I appreciate wives wanting to be respectful of their husbands. But, I cannot know how severe problems are unless wives tell me what is going on and give me an accurate picture. Of course, I have no way to know when wives are telling me things that are not true. Some wives expect me to magically know that they are leaving out critical details and that what they do tell me is very sugar-coated. They expect me to give them appropriate advice without me having any idea what is actually happening. They sound like they only have minor issues then are upset that I didn’t figure out the truth and say that I told them to submit to an abusive husband. I don’t tell wives to submit to a truly abusive husband. I tell wives in that situation to find appropriate help! (For more details, please see the bottom of “Spiritual Authority.“) This is just not a reasonable expectation for people to have of me. I am not omniscient. I have no mind-reading abilities. I depend on women to be honest with me about what is actually happening.

This group of women will not benefit from reading my blog and will need specialized and individualized assistance from someone who is spiritually mature and who can get to know them and their particular situation in person and with whom these women are willing to be honest.

I believe that women do need to take personal responsibility if they seek counseling that what they are telling the counselor is accurate and truthful. It is not being disrespectful to be honest with a counselor when you are seeking help for your marriage.

4. Some women are honest about how they are being mistreated in their marriages but are so afraid that they cannot go into much detail.

It is very difficult for me to address problems that are not fully disclosed. I understand why many women would not be able to share many details and that they are afraid of their husbands finding what they wrote. That is a very legitimate fear in cases of real abuse. These wives DO need to be extremely careful what they share online in a blog format where their husband may see what they have written. But, just like with #3, I am not very good at mind reading, and, without the entire picture, I will be quite limited in what I could share that might be helpful. If I don’t have all of the information, I may make wrong assumptions and may give advice that would not be appropriate. I don’t want to mislead anyone or misdirect anyone ever. I want everyone to find healing and to find the power, love, mercy, and grace of God, and His wisdom.

Again, this group of women will need specialized, specific, individualized help from someone who is very spiritually mature and experienced with dealing with abusive situations. My blog is not a good fit for women whose husbands are abusive. They hear me saying things that I don’t say and never intend to say. I don’t want to cause harm. That is my first priority – to do no harm to my sisters. I want everyone – men, women, and children – to be safe.

5. Some women are targets of abuse and do share about it in detail.

Because I haven’t been abused and haven’t spent years studying about abuse, it can be difficult for me to predict how women who really have abusive husbands might take what I say. Their paradigm and “filters” are so very different from mine. Sometimes, women in actual abusive situations think I am saying that they have to just stay there and be severely mistreated and take the abuse. I NEVER EVER say that. There are times when separation is very necessary, as much as I hate that and wish that every marriage could be healed immediately. But women who have been abused hear me talking about “normal” situations and just normal respect/biblical submission issues and hear vastly different things than I ever intended. My talking about normal situations can be triggers for women who live with abusive husbands. They are going to need very specialized resources and help from people who are familiar with abusive situations.

My blog is not a good fit for women with truly abusive husbands or who are dealing with husbands with uncontrolled mental health problems, active drug/alcohol/gambling/sex addictions, infidelity, or major sin issues. It may not be safe for a wife to submit to a man who is not in his right mind – as men in these situations may not be. I am just not able to address severe marriage problems in a blanket way and would strongly encourage women in any of these situations to seek godly, experienced, spiritually mature, biblical, personalized, one-on-one help. I can help wives in such situations with their walk with Christ, but I am not prepared at this time to give specific marriage advice to women in these severe situations.

Why I Don’t Recommend Many Resources Specifically

If I were to recommend a website or book – I am then endorsing every single word in that website or book. I am also endorsing the way that the women in each of these groups would “hear” every word in each website or book. That is a very tall order. Readers sometimes share comments on my posts about abuse and share resources that helped them. That is awesome. Y’all are more than welcome to share resources that have been helpful. But there is no way that one particular resource would be appropriate for women in all of these different groups – or that women in all of these categories would be helped by one particular resource. There is also no way for me to anticipate how each women in these various groups might take what is said in different books or websites.

I encourage women who are actually being abused to seek out godly one-on-one counsel with a trusted, mature believer who can help each particular woman find the resources and support she needs individually.

For women in difficult marriages, you may find spiritual healing for yourself in Christ in Nina Roesner’s eCourse Becoming a Woman of Strength and Dignity.

The Salvation Army has counselors who are able to help women who are really being abused.

The National Domestic Abuse Hotline may be a necessary resource for women who are in true physical danger

www.thehotline.org

1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

Please check out the resources listed in the comments on this post – please read any resource prayerfully and compare it to the truth of God’s Word!

RELATED:

Do I Condone Marital Rape or Abuse?

What Does It Mean to Be an Ungodly Woman?

Godly Femininity

A Wife Responds Beautifully to Her Husband’s Drug Addiction

Should a Christian Wife Consider Separation?

When Would I Not Submit to My Husband?

38 thoughts on “Why Don’t I Address Women with Abusive Husbands?

  1. Good points April. I would like to add that women should also not attempt to give advice to a friend who is in an abusive situation or those same situations with serious problems that you list. We all have our own baggage, filters, paradigms. ..and we will see others’ situations through our own lens, focusing on issues that are similar to our own familar wounds and being blind to other critical issues. Counselors have to undergo therapy themselves to reveal those issues and to deal with them as much as possible. However even they continue to see through their own lenses, so they try to be aware of that, and take time to be reflective after a session to see what the client’s issues brought up in themselves.
    I have seen many, many christian women try to be rescuers and give advice to others, not knowing that they can do some real damage to their friend’s marriage and even to their friend, unknowingly triggering shame, inadequacy, family of origin wounds…I have seen women urge a friend to put strategies into place that can hurt feelings for a long time. Just as we are not surgeons and would kill a friend by “helping her” with her appendicitis, we can unknowingly do real damage to her and her family by blindly plunging into issues that we know nothing about. The best way to help a friend is to listen nonjudgmentally, and allow her to talk it out to find her own solution. Serious issues should be left to people with professional skills.

    1. Marked Wife,

      Thank you very much for sharing! I know that many times we have good intentions – and we WANT to help others. But our good intentions are not enough. There are some situations that I know I am not prepared or well-enough equipped to handle. I want to be very clear about my limitations so that women will seek appropriate help and find the resources that will be best for them.

      I am always happy to pray with women and seek to point them to Christ. But I want women who are truly being mistreated to get the help they most need.

  2. Also, there is a big difference – in my mind, at least – between discussing a husband’s sporadic pornography use or another woman flirting with a woman’s husband and a potentially life and death abuse situation. To me, the abuse issue and severe marriage problems are in a very different league than “run of the mill” marriage issues.

  3. Peace be with you, April!
    Your blog has helped me out a lot despite of all that I have been through. I may have been bullied and all, but I have NOT been abused because I’ve NEVER been in a relationship nor married. I mean, I kind of been taken advantage of by boys sexually when I was about 6 years old when I was at home, and I was riding on a school bus to elementary school. It all gotten to the point where I felt like it was all my fault not just because I am a female, but it’s because my body is a sin. For years I’ve struggled to forgive in order to move on with my life and as I grew up into my young adult hood, God has blessed me to be braver than I believe, stronger than I see, smarter than I think, and twice as beautiful as I’d ever imagined. My encouragement to you, myself, and others is to Love yourself for who you are. Those flaws are not imperfections. God made you absolutely beautiful and perfect so despite all your flaws, God still loves you so much that He continues to write your story. It’s Beautiful!!!!

    God is Love,
    Wykeshia

    1. Wykeshia,

      I am so glad that you know now that your body is not sin and it is not something shameful, but is a blessing, a gift, and the temple of God’s Spirit. 🙂

      I thank God for the healing He has done and continues to do in your life.

      Thank you very much for sharing!

  4. I hear you PLH –
    It is two different things to say, “I am not being lead at this time to address these issues for this population” or, “I can’t address it because I haven’t been through it”. The first is a spirit-led truth. The second is an emotion-led lie that is supported by our current culture.

    That lie is destroying brotherly (sisterly) accountability. It denies truth. Following The Bible is uncomfortable. It is generally not supported by counselors or well-meaning friends and family, whose main concern is generally a wish for us to be “happy”. And when we follow the truth, it can often look to the world as if we’ve made an awful mess of things. (“What do you mean you are turning the other cheek AGAIN!?!?!”) Which is difficult to distinguish with the awful mess the world is in! That is why we can only manage the plank in our own eye.

    April, you have a wonderful blog. You have a special ability to present the truth in a loving, compassionate, humble way that reaches the masses gently but firmly. You have responded with grace and compassion regularly while under attack. You have many times reminded us who your target audience is and the platform from which you feel lead to speak. Through Christ alone, you are a mighty warrior for women around the world. As He always has, in His timing, if it is His will, He will give you the strength and wisdom to battle the unknown. And He will give you the words. He is SUPERNATURAL!! When we follow Him, we are not limited by the boundaries of our human experience. And we should not bow to the worlds expectations as though we are.

    Much love to you sisters!

    1. Free Indeed,

      Thank you so much for sharing!

      I do mention that I have not been through abuse, infidelity, mental illness, or addictions in my marriage because I want to be upfront with my readers so that they understand where I am coming from and that I am not able to write from a place of personal experience with these issues, in the interest of transparency.

      If this is something God desires me to address more directly, please pray that He might provide the resources and wisdom I will need. Thank you for your prayers! I long to honor Christ with every issue, including this one.

    2. I agree with the above comment by Free Indeed!
      April I see the worlds & the enemy’s influence in your feeling the need to write that post. Something about it doesn’t seem right.
      You are doing a huge, great thing April.
      I have experienced some emotional abuse & a spouse with mental health problems. I do see that things are not all my fault & I am able to see the difference between regular & severe marital problems.
      Your advice on marriage IS helpful to all marriages. I definitely see areas where I showed disrespect to my husband & had no idea. Every little thing helps! I also have responsibility to my marriage. It does not all lie in my husbands hands. From your blog I have also learned how to control my reaction to things. This makes a world of difference!!! This keeps peace in the home & in my heart.
      your blog has been more helpful to me then anything I have ever read.
      During times when I want to run from God, you keep me centered in Christ & His word.
      God bless you for allowing Christ to work through you to reach your sisters!

      1. In Christ Alone,

        Thanks so much for sharing! I am aware of a number of women with severe marriage problems who have found help and hope in Christ here. For that I praise God! But I am also aware of a number of women who did not have the level of spiritual discernment that you have make dangerous decisions because of misunderstandings they had about things I had written for women in entirely different situations. Some of the posts I write about respect and biblical submission can be greatly misunderstood by women who have been extremely emotionally/spiritually scarred/mistreated. I know enough about how some women have taken what I have written in these kinds of situations to know that they are going to need a very different approach to being a godly wife in these difficult circumstances. I don’t ever want a wife to endanger herself or her children because she thinks she is respecting and submitting to a husband who is not in his right mind. Sometimes wives think that if they are more respectful, they can “fix” their drunk, high, psychotic, extremely depressed, extremely manic, or abusive husband. We cannot change people. We can influence them. But a wife’s respect cannot “fix” these kinds of issues in a husband’s life. Of course, if she sins against him, that will probably make things worse. But wives with husbands who are out of control will need one-on-one, private, individualized counseling and someone who can invest a lot of time pouring into their lives.

        I do think there are posts here that may be helpful to any wife – particularly posts about our relationship with God. But I do not ever want to endanger anyone. The approach to teach/mentor wives in the first group in this post and the approach for wives with truly abusive husbands would be very, very different.

        I am so thankful that God has used this blog to bless you. Thank you VERY much for sharing!!!

        Please pray that God might give me His wisdom and sensitivity to His Spirit to minister in every way He desires me to minister. 🙂

        1. I completely understand where you’re coming from, and have thought this many times… that in some ways, the things that the abused, meek, frightened wife who is truly striving to honor her husband and do right before the Lord needs to hear are entirely different from the things that the manipulative, controlling, domineering wife needs to hear. And each is perhaps most likely to gravitate toward the advice she actually doesn’t need to hear.

          The meek wife often gravitates toward “submit”/”obey” and the domineering wife may gravitate toward “live with your wife in an understanding way” or “the husband is to serve the wife like Christ serves the church,” when in actuality, each needs to hear the opposite.

          Maybe I’m rambling in a different direction than where you’re heading, but I just wanted to affirm that your thoughts here really and truly ARE a weakness of our words, no matter whether they are spoken on a blog or at a conference or in a Sunday School lesson. There are times when the disclaimers are so huge that we can’t adequately address them all and we have to rely on the wisdom and discretion of listeners/readers to discern when to apply and when to ignore advice (even when that is biblically-based advice!) in their particular life circumstances.

          1. Jess Connell,
            Yes, I do think that we tend to seek out the words we WANT to hear instead of the words we may NEED to hear. I think that is probably human nature. It is hard to listen to things that ask us to change and look at ourselves and allow God to radically transform us.

            Ultimately, we must each stand accountable to God for what we read, how we apply it, the decisions we make, the things we choose to believe, and how we live.

            I appreciate you sharing your insights!

  5. Ellie,
    It seems to me that the definition ACFJ uses for abuse describes a man who has himself on the throne of his life as god, who idolizes self and demands that his wife idolize him, as well. Of course, women sometimes do this, as well. I have seen men who are abused by wives who do this same thing.

    Thank you so much for all that you have contributed to this important discussion!

  6. I appreciate this blog very much, I respect that you are clear about your limitations. No human person is going to be able to be all to everyone. I fell into that trap before by holding up my previous Pastor minister on such a pedestal that it was only after he repeatedly verbally abused me. I woke up. I have been able to forgive him after a long time of having crying out to God. He is no longer my Pastor as I do not go to that church any more ( Not for that reason)

    Anyway, I realise I am also in another abusive relationship this time with my husband. His abuse is pyschological.

    My dilema is I do not have a church where I can find consistent support. The Pastor is not readlly available as he works away from home and is only around on Sunday for the service then leaves to stay in the city he works.

    My mind is now very unsettled and I am worried about the stress levels I am experiencing. 2 weeks ago I had a black out while driving. I don’t where to go for help.

    1. Prayerful wife,

      Goodness! How my heart hurts for you!!!! Do you know why you had a black out? As a pharmacist, I would want to know – was your blood sugar low, was your blood pressure low, did you have a seizure? Do you know what happened physically? Have you seen your doctor?

      Are you safe?

      Are you free to describe the abuse that you are experiencing at all?

      I am praying for you, my precious sister!

  7. From a husband:
    April: I’d like to leave this comment anonymously if possible, or for you to work into another blog that follows your train of thought here.
    What you say about the controlling wife — that was my wife when I was married. I think I discovered why, which is what I think needs to be addressed.
    Your address abuse and a controlling attitude in the same context. I don’t know if you realize it, but I think they may go hand-in-hand in a variety of ways. You see, my ex-wife was apparently abused when she was younger. She also watched her own father cheat on her mom and her mom “take it” for so many years before she left.
    I tried to encourage her to get help, but I was unable to.
    I believe in this case my wife became controlling as a defense mechanism. I never sought to control her and wanted to live out a biblical marriage, but couldn’t because she loathed the word “submit” as it’s used in the New Testament. She even refused to use the word “obey” in our marital vows.
    I’m not trying to use this forum to rip on my ex-wife; I’m simply telling you what was and what I think was an issue for my ex-wife.
    From what I’ve seen, I think if a woman has been sexually abused (particularly as a child) or has trust problems with males, then I believe she needs professional counseling with a good counselor who can help her through those issues as they will only serve to create rot within a marriage that the husband cannot fix. Because it is his nature to want to “fix things” this could make him feel like a failure and further shut down.
    I need no attention to myself or my ideas here: I’m simply sharing some thoughts that might help you in your ministry to women.

    1. Anonymous husband,

      Yes, I do believe that control and abuse often go together. I believe they have a similar spiritual root – idolatry of self, pride, and fear. I agree that many times abuse in a person’s past can be a huge trigger for someone to become controlling or abusive himself/herself.

      Thank you so much for sharing!

  8. April, if it is possible not to compromise the privacy of the answers Anonymous gave you to your questions, would you be able to post your reply to her here?

    -HisHelper

  9. Hi, April. I’ve really been struggling with your blog. To start off with, I’m the woman you describe under Point 2. My husband has been emotionally abusive for years. Counseling has failed because he believes that everything that concerns me is just my problem and therefore not his concern. I just “need to get over it”. He told the counselor he does not have any responsibilities in marriage and will not do anything he does not “want” to do. I have engaged a personal therapist, my pastor and also an accountability partner to ensure my attitudes are sincere and in line with the Bible. I was encouraged, regardless of the situation, to remain kind, respectful and blameless, and to address my faults first. Very hard, but excellent advice – looking back, I have nothing to apologize for in terms of how I handled the situation to get help (always things to apologize for in the relationship, so let’s differentiate those two).

    At some point (after counseling ended, the counselor gave up) he printed off nearly all your writings (minus the one on how to confront your husband) and left them for me to “read and embody”. I have really been struggling with this but your article here has helped me to see the truth. It is very difficult when you are told by professionals that continuing to behave in the classic submissive wife role is just enabling your spouse to keep sinning, because he has no accountability. It puts you in a lose-lose situation. Keep submitting with no consequences to your spouse? Lose (because you continue to allow yourself to be hurt, or abused, depending on the situation). Stand up for yourself and demand change? Lose (because you feel like you are violating the submission clause if you establish boundaries with consequences, and then have to enforce those consequences). I have been working really hard to establish personal boundaries without being selfish in the process. It is a delicate balance to demand respect but still be kind and respectful in return. At this point we are now separated. He will not budge on his views and I cannot accept to be treated this way forever.

    Thank you for what you do and for writing this article that clearly says who this blog is *not* for. I appreciate your honesty.

    As for the earlier comments on how you choose not to address abusive marriages, that’s fine. You cannot minister to everyone in all circumstances and clearly you have a mission already, and if you branch out where you are not called, that’s inviting disaster. If people want to get picky on semantics in terms of how you phrased it, so be it. We understand your heart. Thanks for what you do and for setting a good example to your sisters.

    1. Thank you for the encouraging reply. I am praying for reconciliation and I know that no matter what happens, God has a plan and this is enough. Like some of the other stories, God has shown me so many great lessons in this process and shown me a glimpse of how much I am loved and valued.

      And you are right – “demand” respect is incorrect.

      1. Gisela,

        God absolutely uses women in His kingdom to bless the Body of Christ. 🙂 The way He uses them might be a bit different from the way He uses men at times.

  10. I know April is limited to what resources she can recommend and I fully understand why. But in my opinion, a very helpful resource is the book “Boundaries in Marriage” by Drs Cloud and Townsend. It covers off how to establish those boundaries in your marriage. What I really appreciated about it is the chapter that speaks of your boundaries on yourself – it’s a hard chapter to read because we want to stop others from doing the things we find hurtful, but it deals with how to ensure that you are not overstepping someone else’s boundaries or being hurtful yourself. I think this is really the first step but it’s so hard to humble yourself when you’re feeling so hurt or betrayed. The book also acknowledges how easy it is to misuse boundaries as a selfish way to control your spouse, and of course this is not the intent at all – but we need to be aware of it. I wish I had read it before my marriage ended up in a crisi situation.

    (Interestingly, one of the examples they use is if your spouse yells at you. They suggest telling your spouse, calmly, that you cannot accept being addressed this way and that if he/she continues to do so, that you will leave the room until the person can communicate in a more respectful and calm manner. That assumes, of course, that you had already tried explaining kindly to him/her that you found it hurtful or frightening, and asked for it to stop so that you could better appreciate and understand what they were trying to communicate.)

  11. God showed me at a prayer conference last night – that – maybe I don’t know exactly how to advise those who are facing abuse, and maybe I don’t understand all that they are going through or know all the best ways to teach them or all of the most godly resources – but I can offer this precious group of women and men something. I can pray for them and with them. This is a spiritual battle, after all.

    I hope to run a post within the next week with a prayer for the victims of abuse and for the abusers. I hope you will join me in praying for them. 🙂

    Thank you for praying for God to give me His wisdom. I long to be a blessing to all of my sisters (and brothers).

    Please pray that God might continue to show me (and the whole church) the way that He desires me to minister to those who are hurting so very deeply according to His will.

    Much love!

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