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1216698506

A Wife’s and Daughter’s Submission and a Violin

1216698506

From a sister in Christ. Thank you so much, Free Indeed, for sharing your story! It is SO inspiring!

Wonderful post! Just the facts, ma’am! This stuff is so important!!

Since you asked, I’ll share a recent obedience/submission story:

A few weeks ago, our family was at a garage sale and our daughter (8) found a used violin with books for a great price! She loves all things musical and we are homeschoolers, so (in my mind) I thought it was a definite go! How much fun we could have with that!

I agreed with her – only that it was a great price, NOT that we should definitely get it – (an improvement for me) – and told her to go ask her Daddy about it.

My husband said, “No,” to the violin because our daughter had struggled to obey him just the day before several times and he didn’t feel like she deserved to get it.

She was very disappointed, and so was I. BUT I did not argue with him, and I encouraged her not to, as well. Instead, I took her aside and told her to trust her Daddy to lead our family. I prayed with her that if she was to have a  violin, one would be provided for her somehow and if she wasn’t, we could forget about it and focus on the instruments we do have for now.

She seemed to forget about it soon enough, enjoying our keyboard and guitars like she usually does throughout the week. She mentioned it once or twice, but i reminded her that we are blessed to have what we do and if the Lord wants us to have one, He will provide one.

Fast forward about 3-4 weeks…

My husband and sons went to help his musician brother move out of state. When they returned, my husband had a surprise for our daughter. This makes me cry typing it now, but it was EXACTLY the same violin – for FREE! (Nothing special, just your average middle-school beginner violin, but still the same.) My brother-in-law had received it in a trade with some other stuff and had no need for it and no room to store it in his new place. So, he asked my husband if we’d take it.

My daughter and I prayed prayers of thanks to the One who knows us and loves us and takes care of the little things for us. And I praised HIM because my daughter (and I) got a lesson in patience and a tangible example of how obedience and submission works! God can still meet our needs (and sometimes our wants) if we will just trust HIM to provide for us and trust HIM to lead us through these human leaders He’s given us. It doesn’t always look like this, and sometimes we don’t recognize it, but sometimes it DOES and sometimes we DO. And it’s fun to be pleasantly surprised and cared for!

SHARE:

Ladies and Gentlemen,

I would love to hear more stories about how God used your submission to Him and to someone in a position of spiritual authority in your life, even when you didn’t understand it at the time, to bring about good in your life or your family’s life.

 

 

 

 

91 thoughts on “A Wife’s and Daughter’s Submission and a Violin

  1. I would like to share an example of a time when I DID NOT SUBMIT to my husband, and what an awful mistake that was…this happened JUST YESTERDAY!

    A couple friend of ours has been asking us for awhile to do them a favor by having a certain salesman come into our home to give a demonstration so that they could get a free vacuum. I decided to let my husband handle this. A month passed by and he still hadn’t scheduled a time to have him come, and I was starting to feel bad for our friends because we promised them we would do it. My husband thought the whole thing was kind of weird, but I kept reminding him to do it and he finally did set an appointment.

    The salesman came yesterday, and my husband and I agreed that we would definitely not buy. He was asking almost $3,000 for a fancy cleaning product, and that is simply not in our budget! However, as the demonstration went on, I was laughing and talking to the salesman more and more, and my husband was closing himself off more and more to the salesman. At one point my husband and I left the room and my husband said he did not think this was a good idea. But I was starting to be drawn in by the perks (“free vacations” and the opportunity to win other free stuff by having your friends do demonstrations etc.) However, we agreed that we’d say no.

    Well then the salesman started talking about a job opportunity, and let’s face it, I have been miserable in the string of 8-10 jobs I’ve had over the past three years, so I was really getting interested. By the time he told me how much money I could be making selling with him, I was hooked! My husband wanted me to be happy and thought it might be a good opportunity.

    Long story short, I talked my husband into buying the product. I could tell he wasn’t totally comfortable, but it seemed like too good an opportunity to pass up. Crazy I know! But I was SO DECEIVED. I SHOULD HAVE LISTENED TO MY HUSBAND!! $3,000 when we have bills to pay is really not wise. Especially not in our case, as we have so many important goals we are saving for (like me being able to stay at home with kids one day when we have them!).

    Last night after we gave all our credit card information and signed a bunch of papers, my husband left on a business trip and I had a bit of a panic attack. Ok, a massive panic attack. Complete with running around the house crying and screaming at myself for how stupid I was to buy the product. Then I couldn’t sleep. I’ve been up since 4:30 this morning in utter distress for the consequences of my foolish decision and refusal to listen to my husband. The Holy Spirit has calmed me down a bit since then, but I think that yucky experience was good for me to teach me a lesson! I’ve heard horror stories on the return policy, so this may be a very expensive mistake (especially since I have been pushing my poor husband so hard to make sure we pay off our school and car loans), but overnight I promise you, I am SO CONVINCED that my husband has wisdom and discernment that I do not have, that Satan knew what he was doing in the garden when he deceived Eve first, and that I need to trust my husband.

    I consider myself a pretty smart girl, and can’t believe I was sucked in so easily. It’s kind of embarrassing really. This plays out in so many other areas of life as well. I have so many more stories about how submitting to my husband was the biggest blessing, and refusing to submit caused so much distress and pain. I will share more when I have a chance soon!

    1. Daisy,
      Oh no!!!! I hope that you can back out of the paperwork and get a refund if you call them today!

      Maybe you still have a chance to make things right. Thank you for explaining how this happened to you – I am sure we have ALL been there and done something similar. And the feelings afterwards of regret financially and also in the marriage are definitely not worth it!

      We would love to hear more of your stories. Maybe you might allow me to share some in a post?

      Much love to you!

    2. In Maryland, you are allowed a 3 day period to back out of commitments for all purchases. This includes big items like cars etc… I had to do this when we purchased a bunch of pictures from our church Olan Mills picture sale. It seemed like such a good idea until I went home and figured out how much I was really paying per picture. Because I had paid by check, it took 4 weeks to get the refund but I was much happier taking the “free picture” for being in the church directory and keeping my money.

      Check your state laws immediately. Back out if your HUSBAND wants you to. That being said, I have one of those $3000 vacuum’s we purchased 17 years ago and it is an absolute treasure. I used it to suck up the paint my child spilled on the carpet… and it keeps the dog hair at bay. Sometimes you get what you pay for.

      1. Good point Sara, it should only be if my HUSBAND wants to! And when I asked, him, he was very happy to have me return it! One of my many recent jobs was selling portrait packages, so I can relate to your experience too!

    3. Oh no Daisy!! I have definitely done this sort of thing before!! I now know how to be more sensitive to what he is feeling about things. If he doesn’t seem interested when I first ask him, I just drop it. If he decides not to schedule the meeting for a month, like you said, I now know that it’s not important to him. Now, I’d likely make sure with him how he feels (make sure he just didn’t have time or something) then call the friends and say something like, “I’m really sorry, friends, I know you were counting on us to schedule that meeting. . . and we’ve had you waiting a month. . . . Turns out hubby is not as interested as I thought he was. . .you’ll have to find someone else to do this thing for you” Of course, your friends will be disappointed. But it’s better than disappointing your husband.

      Historically, I’ve been a little rushed on these things. Like we need to give our friends an answer now and schedule this meeting in the next couple of weeks. My hubby is a very slow decision maker and likes to get all of his options. I’ve learned that things like good expensive sweepers (and violins. . .really anything) will really always be there. So if he wants to wait for me to have one, then I’ll wait. And like the above story, sometimes the results are fairly quick. But, 6 years ago, we ripped off the front porch for structural reasons, and he hasn’t found the desire to replace that yet – lol. I used to worry about that alot.

      I’m praying for the immediate situation, sister. I know it’s hard to see out of the mess you’ve made sometimes. I hope you share with your husband all that you are seeing, so he knows you understand that you’ve disrespected him and made this mess. That takes a lot of strength though, so I’m lifting you up today!! Please let us know how this works out!!

      1. I so relate to Daisy and FreeIndeed here. I can’t count how many times I have felt I needed to rush Greg into some decision. Greg is also a slow decision maker. That used to infuriate me. Now, I see that he has a very thoughtful, thorough, careful approach where he completely researches something before making a hasty decision. I tend to like to make hasty decisions. But then, that leads to poor choices. How thankful I am that Greg is slow and takes his time. It does test and try my patience and faith sometimes, but I reap great rewards when I wait and trust him and trust God. Even this past spring with my book, I was leaning toward self publishing through a company. It would have cost several thousand dollars. And with my hours being cut to the bone the past year, we really didn’t have that kind of money in the budget. Greg very slowly began researching and realized there were no positive reviews of this company. There were many negative reviews, though. So, I am very thankful that I didn’t push him or try to rush ahead. We ended up taking a different route that is costing us nothing out of pocket and that, from what I can see, seems to have the hand of God all over it.

        I like your approach to give your friends an answer after a few weeks so they don’t keep expecting y’all to do something if your husband isn’t interested, FreeIndeed. Thanks for sharing!

      2. FreeIndeed!, that is such a good point! When things are important, hubs acts right away. So no more need to rush things. Because if I am rushing, chances are they are not important in the first place and I am spinning my wheels for no reason!

        It’s somehow good to know I’m not the only one who has struggled with this.. And that there’s hope for growth…I am definitely going to be thinking of your front porch next time I feel compelled to rush something!

        AND…We actually had a really good heart to heart just after I made that post! Every time I felt the Spirit telling me to confess my pride, or confess the fact that my husband has wisdom and I didn’t, I felt Satan telling me the opposite! Thankfully even though it was embarrassing, and I was in an emotional crying mess, I did repent to him (and God!!)! So thank you SO MUCH for your prayers, I felt them 🙂 Hubs told me he loved me and that everything is ok 🙂

        1. Daisy!!
          I am so excited for you and all of the progress you’ve made today!!! What an awesome testimony to yourself somewhere down the road (praying not tomorrow)!! I’m so glad everything is going to work out!!!

          And you made me laugh about the front porch! Glad you can glean wisdom from my circumstances-lol!

        2. Daisy,
          Wow! Y’all got over that hurdle so quickly and beautifully. I’m so glad you didn’t listen to the enemy but listened to God and made things right. What a loving, gracious, forgiving, understanding hubby you have!

    4. Daisy, If the company won’t cancel the sale, call your credit card company. Most have a buyer protection policy that will let you cancel the transaction.

    5. I feel for you – have done a similar stupid move and regretted it. On a technical note, you need to know that there is a law about home salesman – they have to grant you a return within 7 days of buying the product. You might want to pursue that. It is the law in Canada anyways.

  2. Thanks for sharing this! I read your story to my children this morning. What a great faith builder to see God actively working in the lives of those who earnestly desire to obey the Lord! Of course, He doesn’t always choose to give us those things we desire, but He is perfectly able to do so should He decide to! And, if not, it is great to know we can rest in His perfect wisdom.

    -HisHelper

    1. HisHelper,
      I read this story to my children when I saw it earlier this week, too! It is amazing. They both loved hearing what God did in this situation. True, we don’t always have the “happy ending” we want, and that is important to share, as well. I want to share stories where things don’t end up being what we wanted, but God used it for His glory, too.

      Thank you so much for sharing!

  3. Hi April!

    Absolutely, you can share any of my stories, hopefully someone can benefit!

    Ok, so here’s an example of when I didn’t submit at first, but DID submit, at least kind of, later. I think you’ll see which was more effective 

    My handsome husband is an airline pilot. He is VERY good at what he does. His true dream though, is to fly fighter planes in the Air Force. Crazy awesome right? But as I have learned over the last couple of years, becoming a fighter pilot is no easy task! The selection process is incredibly competitive (hundreds upon hundreds of very qualified candidates apply for just one measly spot at each base), requires a ton of experience, usually an engineering degree from a top tier university, and connections with state senators don’t hurt either. (!!!)

    But by far the biggest determining factor in hiring is the AFOQT (Air Force Officer Qualifying Test). I consider myself to be a total book smart nerd…3.96 GPA in college :) So arrogant :)…but I tried taking just a few sections and let me tell you, it is SUPER HARD! It seemed so silly, but this test could basically determine the trajectory of the REST OF OUR LIVES!! We would live such a different lifestyle if we were in the military, huge benefits, financial security, etc. Oh yeah, and he would get his dream job. So immediately I go into controlling wife mode.

    At first I did everything in my power to MAKE my husband succeed on this test. He kept telling me he had it under control, but…I wouldn’t listen! Hours of “tutoring” because I assumed I could do this test more “naturally” than him (he’s smart, but not a true math nerd like ME!). Hours of nagging. I EVEN FILLED OUT HIS APPLICATIONS FOR HIM, TRACKED DOWN BASES ACCEPTING APPLICATIONS, AND HOUNDED HIM RELENTLESSLY UNTIL HE’D SUBMIT THE APPLICATIONS! I spent hours at the public library making color copies of every page and document required, and printing and reprinting until they were absolutely perfect. Holy moly. That was a part time job in itself. Needless to say I did not create a very supportive environment that communicated respect and trust, and totally ignored his request to let him handle it. He ended up being very disappointed in his scores and was only in the 70th percentile, which is basically a death sentence in the fighter pilot world.

    Fast forward two years, to two months ago. I finally decided that to stop trying to control everything and back out of the application process all together, and let my husband take care of it, no matter how I felt. My husband started studying again for the dreaded AFOQT, but not studying like a MANIAC like I thought he should be (as in no sleep, no friends, just crank this thing out!!). He was actually relaxed this time. And he even got a couple fighter pilot interviews. Just as I backed out and let him do his thing. Coincidence? I think not.

    Before you think I learned my lesson and decided to actually fully submit or anything, let me tell you this! This is embarrassing to admit, but one night out of insecurity, fear, disrespect, pride, and a whole lot of other nasty things, I asked him, “What makes you think this test is going to be any different?? And why would they hire you now? Nothing has changed in the last two years.” Ouch.

    He calmly replied, “Maybe I’ll actually get a good score this time. Maybe you need to have a little faith in me.” I retorted, “Who do you think has had the most faith in you this whole time??” (thinking ME OF COURSE!! Look how much I invested in this stinking Air Force position!!) And he responds, “Me. I have had faith.” Oh dang. He was right, and the truth hurts!

    It doesn’t always have to make sense. It may SEEM stressful and SEEM like your whole world is about to turn upside down. But next time I will submit to my husband fully, and submit the first time!

    Oh, and guess what? This time he scored better than 97% of test takers on the AFOQT, and has been advised that he could get an interview with any unit in the United States.

    1. Daisy,
      Your story is a good reminder of a couple of key elements of submission.

      1) If we search ourselves, many of us will find that we secretly think we are smarter and have more faith than our husbands. So we should naturally lead them, right?? This is one of Satan’s lies straight from the garden!

      2) We overwork ourselves so much doing things that our husbands don’t need or want us to do. (Then we often complain because we have no time to be the wives they’ve asked us to be)

      3) It is so easy to slip back into control with our our thoughts and words, even when our actions are submissive. We do this to Yahweh as well. It’s a heart issue where we still maintain some control.

      4) It is so fun to watch our husbands succeed in their own right. They are wonderful, talented people, after all. Sometimes its easy to forget that in the day-to-day stuff.

    2. Daisy,

      Thank you for sharing! I think that so many of us as wives do exactly what you did – thinking we are “helping.” But sometimes, what we as women think is “helpful” actually screams control and disrespect to our men.

      I love how you backed off and how he rose to the occasion without your help. 🙂 And I love that he had faith in himself. I am also glad that you are seeking to show faith in him now and to become the wife God calls you to be.

      WOOHOO! I am so proud of him! What a great job he did on that test!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      Thank you VERY, VERY much for sharing!

      1. Absolutely! Yes he did an absolutely incredible job!!!! And thank you for your responses! Makes me feel like I might not be so crazy with trying this whole peaceful wife thing after all 🙂

  4. I am going to share a little secret: I am better at making wise decisions than my husband is. However, I have learned over the years to one, NOT let him know that, and two, to just sit back, pray, and enjoy the wild ride. My husband is notorious for making hasty decisions and then thinking them through after the fact. It used to drive me absolutely crazy. I used to love to tell him how stupid his decisions were, and then when it would blow up in his face, I would relish in taunting him by saying “I told you so. I told you this would happen. Why don’t you ever listen to me?” Wow, what a shrew I was! I’m surprised the man didn’t run for the hills.

    When I was new to wifely submission though, God gave me the ultimate test. My husband had been working at a job that he loathed, sometimes putting in 70 hours a week. He worked so much, was on call 24/7, and we had no life together. I felt like a single mom raising two small children (I am a stay-at-home mom), and this had been going on for 10 years. However, we were very financially comfortable and we pretty much had the means to buy whatever we wanted.

    One day my husband called me and told me that he just couldn’t do it anymore. He had had some words with his boss, and he just wanted out. He told me he was thinking about walking out right then and there. He was so upset, and asking me what he should do. The things that were running through my head were, “why would you just leave without giving a two week notice? What are we going to do for an income? Are you crazy? No grown person would just walk away from their only source of income”. However, I gathered up every bit of submission that I could and said, “I can’t tell you what to do. What I can tell you is that no matter what you do, I will support you all the way. No matter what.”

    Well, he left the job. And things were very hard for a long time, and they still are 3 years later. It might not have been the right decision financially, but it was the right decision because it was my husband’s decision to make. What I noticed during that time is the difference in the way he treated me. He put me very high on a pedestal after that. He treated me with love, honor and respect. If he was out of town, he would text me telling me how much he loved me and how he wished I were there next to him. He had NEVER done things like that in the past. Finally, I truly felt like his queen, his greatest confidante. The keeper of his heart.

    Now, he often chastises himself for leaving that job. He will sometimes say it was a stupid decision. Sometimes he will ask me, “why didn’t you just tell me to stay?” I tell him because he would have ended up resenting me for being at a job that he hated, and that I couldn’t live like that.

    I know in my heart that submitting to him even in UNWISE decisions is the WISEST thing for our marriage!

    1. Mrs. G,
      That is a really good story. I’m glad you are both in a good place where you feel honored and respected. As you pointed out, that is often much better than financial security. And I’m glad you’ve learned enjoy the “wild ride”!

      I want to challenge you a little on your first sentences, where you say you are a “better” decision maker because of your ability to think things through. I have found that using the word “different” instead of “better” has been helpful to describe these differences. My husband and I are a reverse of you two. He is the very thorough decision maker and I am the jump in, think later girl.

      I absolutely see where having all of the information and thinking things through is highly beneficial the majority of the time. BUT I think we also need to appreciate the people of this world who were created to be comfortable with going into something with blind faith, knowing there is no other good reason than Yahweh told them to.

      I like to tease my husband that it only takes me ONE burning bush. He’s the type of guy who likes to say, “Okay people, let’s take note of that burning bush, and wait here for a sign from the Lord!” It definitely takes him more than one burning bush to be convinced!

      It took me years to adjust to his ways. They are V-E-R-Y S-S-L-L-O-O-W-W compared to the way my mind works. For years, I thought my way was “better”. (So much time wasted THINKING about things, never DOING) As I’ve learned to submit to him and respect him I’ve learned it’s not better, just different. Both designed by our Lord, and both wonderfully made.

      Anyhow, just something to think about 🙂 Hope you have a great day!

      1. Thank you, FreeIndeed! You really have given me something to think about. I don’t know why I always assume that I am wiser when it comes to decision making. Maybe it is because I think through every single aspect before acting upon it. My husband, on the other hand, is a mover and a shaker. He will get it done no matter what. After reading your response I realize how important it is for the world to have “movers and shakers”. If everyone painfully mulled over their decisions, nothing would ever get accomplished! I will definitely work on appreciating my husband’s unique approach to decision making!

      2. I so relate to this! My husband and I are like you and your husband FreeIndeed! It’s kind of funny to think about, because even though I’m the one to jump into most anything, submission doesn’t seem to be on that list! In fact, like you said, that is the one thing in which I am the one who is V-E-R-Y S-S-L-L-O-O-W-W…Good thing our husbands are the patient type! 😉

    2. Mrs, G.,
      WOW!

      I LOVE LOVE LOVE this story.

      I love your approach to sit back, pray and enjoy the wild ride. I love that you showed faith in your husband at a very critical moment and allowed him to make the choice about his job. I love that you didn’t lecture him. I love your answer when he asked why you didn’t tell him to stay.

      I do think a wife can share her desires and concerns about big decisions. But then, I also believe that we can trust God to lead our husbands and to lead us through them, even when we don’t agree. Sometimes it may be a painful road. (If a wife has a husband who is not in his right mind due to mental illness or addiction or is actively involved in unrepentant infidelity, please seek godly counsel and pray and seek God’s wisdom and His Word. Check out Spiritual Authority for times that we may not be able to submit to our husbands.)

      Thank you so much for sharing!

      I love your heart for Christ, your heart for your husband and your marriage. I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for you!

    3. Mrs. G.,
      That’s an inspiring story. I especially appreciate your saying that 3 years later you are still financially suffering from that decision.

      This morning I am experiencing a lot of stretching of my faith as my stomach is turning over a business situation my husband is in. I asked if he wanted my feedback on the situation and he welcomed it. I was as tactful as I could be, taking my time to choose words carefully, but what I think he craved was my support. He didn’t take my words well, but was defensive. What I believe he wanted to hear words of support fir how he was doing things, not my observations that I believe coukd have profitted him.

      We have always had our needs met, but have lost so much over the last few years. I see the same pattern today that doesn’t need to go that way and I’m so grieved.

      I could really use some encouragement right now. Please, someone remind me that even if we ran out of money, God would provide. God would be enough if I lost my husband suddenly…,All these anxieties are swirling around in my barely-slept-last-night-mind.

      1. How neat that Mrs. G. included that sentence about still struggling financially…and from the looks of it, it is hard but she is ok! I’m not sure if you are, but I hope you don’t get upset with yourself about sharing your thoughts. It sounds like you did it in a thoughtful and respectful way, and who knows whether he may still take that advice, now or down the road as in Mrs. G’s case. The good news is you can definitely still show your support by being joyful and peaceful in the midst of everything, I think that will speak volumes to your husband’s initial craving of your support!

        A really neat story is found in 2 Kings 4 regarding a woman who sadly DID lose her husband (not that that would happen, but I understand playing out the worst case scenario!), and who was probably really frustrated with him at one point for his business decisions. Even when she thought she had nothing, God provided!!

        I am praying for you Mrs. M 🙂 Between the two of us last night I bet we didn’t get a wink of sleep, so hopefully tonight brings sweet rest! 🙂

        1. Thank you so much for ministering to me, Daisy. Thank you for suggesting 2 Kings 4. That was a great passage. Thank you, too for your line about still being able to still show my support by being joyful and peaceful. That was a great thing to say at just the right time. In fact, I had to sit still for a while and absorb how that was still true in the current circumstances.

          1. Mrs. M,

            I found this sister-in-Christ’s testimonies super powerful. She is Jolene Engle of Alabaster Jar. She’s funny and has a beautiful spirit for Christ. 🙂

            In her own words, “I identify with Job in more ways than one. We have lived through an IRS audit, was dragged through a lawsuit, had our home foreclosed upon, couldn’t afford to pay rent for the rental home we were living in, and then we had to live with friends. So, yes, I do know what it feels like to attend the School of Financial Suffering which, of course, led my flesh to feel overwhelmed with worry.”

            http://joleneengle.com/10-ways-to-deal-with-your-attitude-when-faced-with-financial-concerns-and-a-marital-oneness-monday-link-up/

            http://joleneengle.com/god-is-bigger-than-our-credit-score/

            http://joleneengle.com/how-to-lose-your-dream-home-not-just-once-but-twice/

            This was the post that spoke so much to me. 🙂 http://abiblicalmarriage.com/how-to-find-peace-when-worried-about-finances/

            I hope her words of wisdom will touch you too. Let’s all work for the propagation of God’s Kingdom here on earth, on our own little ways.

            God bless! 🙂

            Nikka

          2. Nikka,
            Thank you so much for the links. I’ve read a couple of the suggested posts and am excited to have been introduced to Jolene’s blog. I really appreciate you taking the time to tell me about her! Thank you!!

      2. Mrs. M.,

        I can feel your pain in your comment! I wish I could hug your neck!

        I am glad you shared your concerns with your husband. I am glad you were careful and tried to be very tactful. I would love for you to let him know you trust him to make the best decision and that you have faith in him, if you can say that sincerely.

        I do believe that God can provide even if husbands make poor choices. Or maybe I should say -when – husbands make poor choices. It is inevitable that some decisions may be unwise. Of course, how we respond in those moments can either inspire our men to grow and become better leaders or can paralyze them. Sometimes our men learn the most when they fail, just like we do.

        But, it is also possible that god may be leading him. I don’t know the specifics. And it may be that you will see the wisdom in his decision later. I know that has happened with me many times.

        I am excited to see you live out joy and peace and trust in God and trust in your husband. (You have not mentioned that he suffers from mental illness or is under the influence of any drug or alcohol addiction, so I am assuming he is in his right mind.) I think after you share your heart, you can show support for what he believes is best. The post at the top of my home page may be helpful, “submitting under protest.”

        Praying for wisdom for you both and for God’s greatest glory in this test and trial!!!

        Much love!
        April

        1. Thank you, April. You were so kind to respond.

          I knew when I was commenting that I would work through my emotions and come back to resting in what I know to be true about God. My hope is not in what is seen but what God promises.

          Last night the words of Elisabeth Elliot really ministered to me quite perfectly, in a excerpt from a devotional entitled, “The Way Appointed”.

          She says:

          “Nothing can reach us, from any source in earth or hell, no matter how evil, which God cannot turn to His own redemptive purpose. Let us be glad that the way is not a game of chance, a mere roll of dice which determines our fortune or calamity–it is a way appointed, and it is appointed for God’s eternal glory and our final good.”

          It even soothed my mind as I was watching world events unfold in frightening ways on tv last night……God is still in control so we can rest in that knowledge.

          1. And, I talked with my husband again yesterday and asked if there was some way I could have supported or encouraged him better in the situation than what I’d done, and he said there wasn’t. He just needed to let his emotions from the business situation calm down so he could decide how to best address it.

            It has been grievous to me that he is so good in business, but how he responds in conflicts escalates it instead of bringing peace. He never had a role model for this and he has been grateful for my advice at times. I just need to continue to say my gentle pitches briefly, then rest in God’s control as I submit.

          2. Mrs. M.,
            There are times when our perspective may upset our husbands. That doesn’t mean we shouldn’t share. And sometimes they will need time to process. I am so thankful you approached this prayerfully and with a respectful, submissive heart to God and to your husband!

            I can’t wait to see what God has in store for you and your husband!

          3. Mrs. M.,

            AMEN! AMEN! This is so powerful!!!

            Yes, the world’s events right now are terrifying. And so many are suffering greatly. How I long to help! My children and I are praying for so many who are displaced and who are refuges and who have no water or food. I am praying for wisdom for the world’s leaders and for Christ to be glorified greatly!

            I am so thankful that God is sovereign! It is only in that knowledge that we can rest in peace even in times of turmoil.

            Much love!

          4. Oh yes! I’m so glad that you are teaching your children to pray in that way! I know I wasn’t alone in weeping over those dear people trapped in the desert without food and water. I have been praying for our president to be wise, humble, and courageous. But always remember that God’s in control.

            Thank you for your time and feedback on my comments. Your site is a refuge in times of pain.

          5. Mrs. M.,
            I keep hearing more and more news about these precious people and the cruelty with which they are being treated. I just cannot wrap my mind around it.

            Going to get on my knees again right now.

            You are most welcome!

  5. I would like to think I’m very submissive, but I’m having a difficult time with a particular situation that arose yesterday.

    My daughter’s dad brought her home to us on Tuesday. She immediately went into her room and started crying. When I asked why, she said her daddy told her not to tell me. I told her she could tell me anything, so she relaxed and said her daddy was going to bring her to his parents house and she would be there “all alone!” When we finished our conversation, she said she was feeling better about it and DID want to stay there with her grandparents.

    I told my husband about it and he suggested I email my daughter’s father and let him know we’re available to keep her if he has plans, because she didn’t seem comfortable staying with his parents. My daughter’s father replied, saying he appreciated my concern but felt that she shouldn’t be “coddled” and this was the best way to get her to learn some independence.

    We asked my daughter again last night how she was feeling about it, and she very confidently said that she wanted to go spend those nights alone at her grandparents’ house. I figured that was the end of it, if she’s comfortable now.

    However, my husband was still angry and in protective mode, and believes we should just not bring her back to her dad for his appointed time. I don’t want to incite a custody battle, and I don’t want my daughter to regret telling me that she was uncomfortable at first. She may never want to share feelings with me again for fear that I will flip out. She seems comfortable with it now, so I don’t want to keep her from going.

    I don’t feel like we have the authority to tell her father what he can and can’t do during his custodial time with her. Things have been very cordial for the most part. I don’t want to start a custody battle, especially when my daughter says she wants to go now.

    My husband is not happy and says if something happens while she’s with her grandparents, it’s on me. I don’t know what to do. I know that I am under my husband’s authority, but my daughter’s father is not.

    I know this is only one reason why God hates divorce. I know that. I am just trying hard to be obedient where I am now.

    1. M, That is very hard! I wish I had some good advice for you. I hope someone does. I am in a second marriage too and it is hard. I am saying a prayer that God will guide you.

    2. M.,
      Goodness. That would be so hard. How do you choose whose authority to most honor in your daughter’s life? Her father’s or your new husband’s? Either way you choose, you will be disrespecting one of the authorities in your daughter’s life. That is a bit of a no win situation. 🙁

      Let’s pray together for God to give you wisdom.

      I wonder if you can talk with your husband about how you desire very much to honor his authority in your home but also how you desire to honor your daughter’s father, because he is her authority, too. Maybe God will reveal a way for you to honor both if you seek His provision so that you don’t have to dishonor either man?

      1. That is extremely helpful! My daughter goes back to her dad tonight. I’ve been praying about this and your response has helped me feel more at ease. I do feel that if we usurp the authority God has put in her life by not letting her dad have her on his weekend, we are in essence telling God that we know better than He does and we can protect her better. That’s not at all what I want to live out! Thank you for your guided prayer prompt as I continue to pray today.

        1. M.,

          It may be that you can discuss this authority issue with your ex husband and current husband. It may be that you can communicate to them how much you value your daughter seeing all of the authorities in her life being united and how destructive it could be to her soul (and her understanding of God and other spiritual authorities in her life) if her mom, dad and step-dad openly contradict and conflict with one another.

          Men tend to have a very good understanding of the importance of chain of command and authority. I believe that this topic may resonate with each of these important men in your life and your daughter’s life. My prayer is for a spirit of unity – even though this is a difficult and less than ideal situation.

          I am praying for wisdom for all of you!

  6. When I first read this story, I said to myself, I would have been very angry if my husband said no and probably would have just bought it anyway. It is educational after all! ugghhh….yeah, that made me really sad….and proved I have a long way to go. Thanks for sharing your story and proving once again that God’s way is the best way.

    1. Hi Daisymae!
      It’s funny you brought that up! I didn’t mention it, but both my daughter and I had the thought that we might find one at another sale when he wasn’t with us.

      The thought came to me right away, “ooh, it’s early summer, we might see many other rejected instruments, and if he’s not with us. . .” I DID NOT say that to my daughter. I identified it as the temptation it is and rejected it in my spirit.

      She mentioned it to me about a week later. I reminded her at that time that daddy had said no and we would not buy it unless we knew for sure he was on board.

      Looking back on it, i think that is a very important part of the story that i left out! Satan is cunning. He knows exactly how to work us to get what he wants. This time, our Lord let me see that clearly and i was able to resist. But THANK YOU for bringing the darkness into the light so we can all identify it next time!

    2. I love how hearing so many different wives’ stories helps us to stretch our own understanding and faith in Christ and helps to prepare us for tests that may be in our not-so-distant future. 🙂

  7. This is little off topic but I wanted to share…I posted yesterday on my facebook a picture from Respect Dare that said “God make my husband my standard of sexiness and ignite my passions for him and for him only”. I got 1 like….1 like!! I can post I took my dog to the vet and get 50 likes and 30 comments. I was so disappointed. I get so tired of married women posting pics of half naked men, movie stars or music stars on their pages and mooning over them. Maybe I stepped on some toes… I don’t know…

    1. Daisymae,

      I love your post! 🙂

      There will not be much support as we seek to honor and respect our husbands – even among family and church friends, unfortunately. That is because disrespect is “normal” today, and respect and honor are so foreign that they can seem “weird.” Sad, I know!!!!

      I’m proud of you and thankful for what you are doing and what God is doing in you! Please don’t be discouraged. You may be encouraging other wives – even if you don’t get feedback.

  8. Hi everyone! 🙂

    Just very recently the Philippines was hit with a typhoon (Glenda/Rammasun) that led to cancellation of classes and power outtage daily for a whole week.

    No school for the kids from Monday to Thursday but the weather looked like it cleared up somewhat by Friday. I Googled the weather report and the schools or universities that still had no classes because of the fickle weather, and DID NOT FIND our children’s school in the list, ergo, I knew there were classes.

    I woke the children up, to their dismay and with much whimpering, because the night before I told them, there still were NO CLASSES only to recant on my statement on that very early Friday morning. They still were sleepy and as my daughter explained kindly, “Mommy, my mind is not ready for this. I really want to sleep. You said there was no school today.”

    I got a bit riled up and was quite upset with the behavior of the kids! I was their designated driver tasked to bring them to school, as well as to cook and pack their lunches, and I felt “offended” by their actuations of NOT waking up!

    From where he was still sleeping my husband said, “Honey, don’t make the kids go to school today. There’s MOST PROBABLY still no school anyway, and they are NOT READY.”

    I was upset with Dong but I held my tongue, but I did say gently, “They do have school, Honey. I saw it on the net. Their school is not part of the list of schools that have NO CLASSES today. But OKAY, kids (talking to them within earshot of Dong) Daddy says, you can sleep again. You are not going to school today.”

    Suffice to say, I was super affected that day. When my kids woke up, I gave them an earful on the importance of school, how many children in the Philippines go to school barefoot from poverty and that they were so blessed that they had the resources to go to school and yet they were “too sleepy” to go, with so many excuses NOT to go, etc.. I was on a roll in my “EDUCATION IS A PRIVELEGE” speech!!!!

    The Monday after that weekend, the kids were supposed to have a Mastery Test. Having had school cancellations nearly the whole week before that, I was confused if it would push through or would be postponed, so I contacted my daughter’s homeroom teacher.

    I texted: “Ma’am, will the tests push through this Monday?”
    She texted back: “Hi Mommy Nikka. No, I think it will be postponed because there were no classes from Monday to Friday.”
    My heart raced. “What do you mean, Friday? There was no school? I checked the websites on the net and your school was not part of the schools with NO CLASSES.”
    She texted back: “Mommy, we were not on the net, but we announced it on ABS-CBN (the biggest TV network in the country).”

    YIKES!!!!!

    My husband was correct! His hunch that the school will still not conduct classes was spot on!

    Had I fought with him, dragged the kids to school and brought them to school against their wills and more importantly, against my husband’s will, I would have gone back home shamefaced, because there was NO SCHOOL!

    Another lesson learned.

    1) Respect my husband’s decisions.
    2) Don’t get riled up over small issues. School is important but I did not need to overreact. Suffice to say, I apologized to the kids too after that incident.

    I told Dong, “Honey, guess what? You were right. There was NO SCHOOL. They did not announce it on the net, but they did broadcast it via television.”

    He said, “See? I told you so.” 🙂

    Imagine if I fought with my husband over it, which the kids would have seen as well; then overrode his decision which the kids would have witnessed too… only to come back home because Daddy was right and Mommy was being pigheaded about it! 😛

    I wrote a piece yesterday, about “WE ARE ALL DAUGHTERS OF EVE.” You may want to read. 🙂

    http://peacefulwifephilippines.blogspot.com/2014/08/we-are-all-daughters-of-eve.html

    God’s Blessings and love to all! <3

    Nikka

    1. Nikka, what a great story! I’ve tried to follow your blog via email, because I don’t use an RSS reader, but I haven’t been able to do so yet. Hopefully there will be a way to get your new posts via email! Thank you for sharing your story on here today!

      By the way, I love hearing that your daughter’s teacher calls you Mommy. Our teachers refer to us as Mr. or Mrs. or Ms. So-and-so. I can’t imagine a teacher calling me Mommy. It’s so cute, I love it!

      1. Hi M!

        Actually, we call all their teachers, “Teacher _____”, and then all the teachers call us parents, Mommy _____ or Daddy _______. 🙂 We are a very chummy culture here. 🙂

        I wrote in my sharing “Ma’am”, but it was really “Teacher ___”. 🙂

        Regarding subscribing, I don’t know how also. Try perhaps Bloglovin? 🙂

        God bless you, M!

        <3

        Nikka

    2. Wow!!!!!

      Thank you so much for sharing this, Nikka!

      I’m SO proud of you for submitting to Dong even though you were sure there was school. I know you are really glad you did now!

      Precious.

      1. Yeah, April. 🙂

        Mighty happy I did, but mighty ashamed too regarding my attitude. I was grumpy the whole day because of it. 😛 The kids saw it, heard my “privilege speech” while Dong was still asleep and had to bear with my surly mood that early Friday.

        I texted the teacher on Sunday, so I had no idea the kids were not ABSENT at all for two whole days.

        I lifted up to God my bad mood and my irritation and told Him I will follow Dong even if I felt righteous in dragging the kids out of bed! I was loony that day. Ha!

        I thank God for that lesson on humility and self-control. 🙂

  9. Hi, April! My marriage small group at church is currently encouraging each other with devotional thoughts from Sacred Marriage by Gary Thomas. I’ve posted several entries on my blog (lessonsfromthegymblog.com) on chapters from his book. Here’s one that discusses submission/respect:

    http://lessonsfromthegymblog.com/2014/07/31/sacred-marriage-part-3-respect-is-like-pineapple-upside-down-cake/

    Thanks so much for all you do and your encouragement. You’ve made such a difference in lives!

  10. Reblogged this on Peaceful Single Girl and commented:

    Ladies,
    This is an amazing story about the way God can work when we obey Him. And, you will want to check out the comments. Many wives shared stories of times they refused to submit to their husbands’ leadership and the heartache and problems it caused. And many wives share the blessings that God gave them and their families when they did submit to their husbands even when they disagreed at the time.

    These are the kinds of stories I want my Christian sisters to hear who are preparing to be godly wives.

    Much love!

  11. Hi April,
    God has used your blog as one of his means to open my eyes on what submission really means, and I have begun to be a MUCH less contentious wife and I immediately submit to my husband’s final say in almost everything, especially the small things. Thank you for the time you spend on this ministry. The words of the righteous feed many.

    I have one area that I really struggle with submitting to my husband in, though, and that is the time he spends on his career at the expense of our family. Let me share the background. He is a very capable and accomplished scientist and businessman, and has a myriad of job opportunities that would comfortably support his family and allow him to have a decent work life balance.

    However, he has consciously chosen the most demanding (and lucrative) career path. Not only does he invest grueling hours at his job, but recently he joined a local professional business organization for scientists for networking/careerbuilding purposes that requires an extra 15 hours a week from him, in addition to extensive travel. He now travels out of state about 30% of the time. He is committed to that organization for 4 years.

    He has no regrets at all about this, and wants to keep going full steam ahead. Most people ask me, “does your husband ever sleep?”. He gets by on only a few hours each night. His goal is to have an excellent career. Whatever he does, he wants to do it well.

    He tries to be with our 4 young kids as much as possible, and devotes all his spare time to them. He takes the redeye on his trips so he can be with them more. But they miss him dearly, and always ask about him. We have dinner together as a family only once a week, on Sundays. He usually comes home from work around 8pm, and has only enough time to put our oldest to bed. He’s always working, even after he gets home, and even when we are on vacation.

    It is hard for me not to feel resentful about this situation, especially his membership in that organization. There is no chance of him backing out of it (it would be professionally devastating), nor does he want to. He knows how I feel about this (we have had many conversations about it, all of which have ended badly, with him calling me unsupportive).

    So my question is this- do I grin and bear it and submit, telling myself that God is leading me through my imperfect husband, that God is telling me to cheerfully support him, regardless of how it affects our family (and his own health)?

    1. Barbara,

      My precious sister!!!!!! I can absolutely feel your pain on this issue. I think almost any wife would feel the same way you do.

      I felt very similarly when we bought a house 7 years ago that needed extensive remodeling and my husband and his dad worked on it 6 nights a week until midnight or 1am for a year and a half. And then, they worked 3-4 nights per week for another 2-3 years. I felt like a single mom. I started resenting Greg and the house and his dad. 🙁 It was also during that time that I was only sleeping 2-4 hours/night in 30 minute increments, up with our baby who was often sick for a year and a half, that I became my most disrespectful and unsupportive.

      I pushed Greg away so much that he eventually stopped looking at me, stopped listening to me, stopped touching me and stopped caring about my feelings.

      I Peter 3:1-6 is God’s prescription for us when we believe our husbands are far from God.

      I don’t know God’s will for your husband. Maybe God gave him this drive and desire? Maybe God will bring much good from it. I have no idea.

      I do know this – if you continue to oppose your husband’s career, he will resent you. That is not good for your marriage. It is not good for your children.

      He has to have the freedom to make his own decisions about his career and to do what he believes is best.

      Is this decision best?

      I don’t know. If I knew the future, I could tell you with a lot more accuracy. But you and I don’t know the future.

      Does his decision match up with your priorities? No.

      But if you are willing to cheerfully support him, respect him, bless him, stand behind him and speak highly of him to the kids and teach the children to respect and honor him, I know that he will be drawn to you and have the chance to hear God’s voice much more clearly.

      If all he hears is your criticism, he may continue on this path just to prove that he doesn’t have to listen to you like you are his mama. Your voice can drown out God’s voice in his heart. That has happened with my husband and with MANY, MANY husbands that I know about.

      If you put your strength, encouragement, respect, wisdom, honor, support and blessing behind him, even though you disagree, you will endear yourself to your husband and he will WANT to be with you more. Then HE may decide to change his priorities. God may show him that his priorities need to change.

      God can convict your husband. You cannot. You are not the Holy Spirit. That is a REALLY important point for us as wives to remember every moment!

      You can pray and tell God, “Lord, I don’t agree with this. I don’t like it. I want him to be home more and to be more involved as a husband and a dad. But this is his decision. You command me to respect my husband and to submit to him as to You. I am laying this issue down on the altar. I don’t want to. I believe I see your will and that you want us to be together more as a family. But I trust You. I trust Your sovereignty and Your love and wisdom to lead me through this man even if this is a mistake, even if it is the wrong decision. But, Your wisdom is much greater than mine. Maybe there is good in this decision that I just can’t see yet. I trust You. I can’t wait to see the good You will bring through this difficult time. I submit myself fully to You as Lord of my life. I am not holding this issue back from You anymore. If this is the path You have for me, I trust You to give me the power and strength I need to walk in it for as long as You see fit.”

      And, I would suggest briefly repenting to your husband:

      “Honey,
      I need to apologize. I’m so sorry I haven’t been supportive of your job and your being in this association. I am SO VERY proud of you! You are incredibly smart, talented and gifted as a scientist. I know you have so much to offer the world. I can’t wait to see all that God accomplishes through you and what a blessing you are to many people as you practice your profession. I trust you to do what is best for all of us. I am thankful for your leadership as the head of our home. How can I most support you with your career?” (then listen, and take notes!)

      There may be times when it is fine to say, “The kids and I miss you SO MUCH! We can’t wait till you get home!”

      And I would try to make the times he is home as pleasant and fun and enjoyable as possible.

      You can also be sure to uphold his decisions and rules with the kids when he is gone so that the kids know Daddy’s in charge.

      Please check out:
      “When I Shut Up, My Husband Heard God”
      “My Husband Wants to Go WHERE?”
      “A Real Life Example of Respect and Biblical Submission”

      Submitting Under Protest

      Respecting Our Husbands as Fathers

      I think that this post about being a military wife may be extremely helpful, as well.
      And be sure to check out the other wives’ comments on this post!!!!

      1. Hi April,
        God bless you! What a wise, caring, and compassionate woman you are. Thank you for taking the time to respond to my issue at length, and for sharing your own experience. That sounds like a really rough time you went through, and that situation would have been challenging for any woman to cheerfully submit to.

        You are very right that the only way to bring my husband closer to God (he is a Christian but is far from God) is to cheerfully support him so that he can hear the voice of God. It seems that as Christians, God’s way is the “hard way” in terms of denying ourselves and doing what we are not naturally inclined to do. That way is the only way that we will grow in character, depend on God, and glorify God and achieve true success. The “easy way” would be to lash out with our tongues and actions. That would feel good at the moment but tear down our home.

        I must confess that just before reading your blog response, I had gotten off the phone with my husband (who is out of town), where I unfortunately let loose with my tongue and vented every emotion I had, and every negative thought I had about our marriage. I am still in a bitter state as of this moment, but I know that I need to come to repentance to God and to my husband about this ASAP.

        I also need to remind myself that I will be a quasi single parent for a while regardless of whether I agree with him or not, so I might as well support him cheerfully so that he credits me as being supportive and will appreciate my efforts. Otherwise I will do the same amount of work grudgingly and get no appreciation and recognition for it. This came to light when, at a recent family gathering, my mother in law lavished praise on my sister in law for her support of her husband (who has a demanding career too, but not as demanding as my husband’s), and my sister in law’s husband also praised her to everyone for her support. Nobody said anything about me, not even my own husband. I thought to myself, “doesn’t anyone see what I have to deal with?”. It stung a lot.

        I will rely on God to help me do things God’s way. Thank you for the guidance on what I should pray to God and to my husband. Thank you also for the tips on handling things at home when he’s gone, and for the links to other helpful articles. This is very difficult homework (no pun intended) that God is giving me to rely on him and build my character, and I can’t wait to see the blessings unfold once I accomplish it faithfully. Thank you SO much for your ministry. I will keep you posted. God bless you,

        1. Barbara,
          Yikes! I wish you could have read the comment before talking to him! But I am sure you will apologize to him (without justifying yourself).

          I am very encouraged that you are seeing what you need to do and what will honor God and that you are willing to follow Christ even though it is NOT easy and it does require dying to self and is PAINFUL. I am also excited that you can see that God will use this to make you more like Christ and to make you stronger spiritually and to bless your husband and children. I can’t wait to hear about a day when your husband praises YOU for supporting him so faithfully and making his job much more of a joy as a husband and father. 🙂

          Much love to you! Yes, please keep me posted!

  12. The submission story that comes to mind happened two years ago. When our beloved dog (10.5 years old) died, we tried to mask the pain by adopting another dog about six weeks later. The shelter said she was a beagle mix. After we brought her home, we realized she was something else all together. Not only did she grow like crazy, she had so much pent up energy that NOTHING would calm her down. Despite six walks a day and backyard play, she was still miserable. She’d even circle our living room and jump on the sofas like a race car going around a high-bank speedway!

    We knew she was a bad fit for our family yet we loved her and tried to make it work for four long months. When this dog wasn’t jumping on our furniture, she was destroying it. When we’d walk her, she’d look desolate whenever we returned home. To top that, her looks were so extraordinary that I Googled her only to find that she bore an amazing resemblance to a Schiller Hound — in minute detail. Every facet of her said Schiller Hound (btw, this breed NEEDS to run). My husband and I prayed about the situation one night. The next day after work, he informed me that he had found a new owner and they’d be picking her up the next day. I was horrified and our daughter was heartsick. Still, I didn’t argue with my husband. He asked me to trust him and I did (sort of!). I certainly wasn’t very happy and he knew it.

    Sure enough, our dog went to her new home the next day. I cried for a month straight and my daughter didn’t fare any better.

    What we discovered, however, cheered our hearts because our prayers were answered in a big way. The family who adopted our dog lives on a mountain and they hunt EVERYTHING! Turns out, this dog is their star hunting dog. They already owned 11 dogs and she’s the tops. She also has the run of the land. They’re thrilled and we’re thrilled. In fact, we love hearing stories of her exploits whenever my husband and her new owner see each other. 🙂

  13. PS: Freed Indeed, I’m so happy your daughter got her violin. Reading about her happiness and enthusiasm made me smile. 🙂 She also learned a wonderful lesson about trust.

  14. Elena, what a wonderful story! We had a similar experience. We had a dog for 4 months that was not a good fit for our family. I cried and cried as I drove her to her new family but it turned out to be wonderful. I got a call a year later thanking me for her. She was such a blessing to their family. I am so glad your submission to your husband turned out so well!

  15. Another example of submission in action is The Great Budget Decision. This is when I took April’s advice last September and asked my husband to handle the finances. Even though I was obedient with my actions, I have NOT always been submissive with my words and thoughts and attitudes (occasional irrational panic attacks do flare up from time to time), but I am slowly letting go of more and more layers of those controlling behaviors, and it really has been the biggest blessing! And (SHOCKER) the lights are still on, we are starting to pay off loans, and we even maxed out our IRA this year…which NEVER happened under my financial “prowess.” And all that time I used to spend obsessively checking bank statements and reworking Excel spreadsheets? I now use it to sleep or read a good book. 🙂 Submission wins.

    Another example of submission in action is The Bible Incident. Last year my husband suggested I try reading a different version because it is more readable than my version. I immediately retorted how un-theologically/doctrinally sound he must be to even suggest such a thing, and gave a laundry list of reasons why mine was better. I had read way more books on this stuff than him! But partially curious, I started cracking open his version. And now I actually understand what on earth I’m reading. Might not hurt to listen to that man. Submission wins yet again.

    I guess these are also examples of God’s grace, because I obviously was not submitting FULLY and JOYFULLY in these circumstances, but God rewarded even my weak attempts at submission…I want to start anticipating these opportunities for submission proactively, instead of dragging my feet the whole way!!!

    April, this is a really helpful exercise that you asked of us. I am now keeping a list of all the times that submitting to my husband was for my own good and God’s glory. Thank you for asking us this thought provoking question!!

    1. Daisy,

      I LOVE hearing your stories! I think that is a fantastic idea to keep a submission journal!

      Your stories, and other wives’ stories will impact hundreds, maybe even thousands of women around the world and will bring about even more miracles of God and more glory to Him. Thank you very much for sharing!

      When I share your stories, would you like me to call you “Daisy” – or would you prefer to be anonymous?

      Much love!

      1. Oh my goodness, you’re right, isn’t it amazing to think about the power of the internet? Anonymous would be great!

          1. I’m not sure if I am doing this correctly. I couldn’t find the button on to post a comment. So I just replied on a comment. Anyways.. I would like to share my story.

            After high school I had a hard time trying to decide what career path I should take. I did not want to go to community college – I don’t know why, its just wasn’t for me. I took my dad to some career college for a medical assisting school. It was a lot of money and my family just didn’t have the money to pay it outright. I just came back from Mexico and had spent my college money doing this. It was a Christian missionary school called Ywam.
            Yes I felt after high school God wanted me to do this so I did it.

            But back to the medical assisting school, I just couldn’t do it even though I wanted to. My family did
            not want me to get a school loan, they would not co-sign, they would not help me fill out my fasfa and use their social security number – you need your parents if you are under 25. My dad offered to use my sisters college money and I would pay them back. I did not want my mom resenting me for doing this so I said no. My mom and I had issues because of her co- dependency so I moved out when I was 21. I couldn’t afford college living on my own so I stopped going. I tried taking a class with money that I saved up but always got burnt out working 40 hours plus a lot of the time working two jobs.

            Fast forward to married life. My parents gave me money for a wedding that we choose to spend on a house. We just got married at the court. We have an incredible house on 2 acres. I am now 27, married with a 18 month baby. Still no college degree. Before we got married my husband promised me he would some how pay for my schooling. The school I did want to go to is around 20,000 – 37,000. He also did not want me to go school and take out a huge loan. I waited and was obedient to my parents and my husband. I waited 9 years. He just paid cash for a medical assisting school that is through the community college!

            If I were to go against my parents and just go to the school I want and get the 20,000 -37,000 dollar loan. I wouldn’t have got the house that I am currently living in. There’s no way we could afford the house we are in and that loan that “I could of got.” If I went against my husband and had just gone to the school I wanted to go to
            now that I am not under my parents we would have a crazy amount of debt. I could of gone to school and handle the huge debt and mortgage, it would be tight. But I was obedient. We are student loan free and I get to go to the medical assisting school for a fraction of the cost! It took 9 years but the lord always, always, always, provides.

            God redeemed me. My husband followed through with his promise. It was Not in my timing but the lords.. He has a plan. Wait and be patient!

            By the way, God has also redeemed my relationship with my mom. She has changed and is now my spiritual leader. She is wonderful and a beautiful treasure in my heart. Holy spirit can change people and circumstances.
            Be Encouraged!
            Thank you for letting me share.

  16. Maybe this is more a case of our loving God seeing that your little girl deserved that violin, regardless of whether or not she had filled in her obedience checkbook. (God does not bless us only when we are obedient. He is not a gum machine but a loving Father.)
    This brings to mind an incident that occurred when I was about 8 or 9. We were out one day when my mother saw a child’s hat in a chemist (drugstore for American readers!) that perfectly matched
    a dress I had. We rarely, if ever, bought new clothes. I had never had a new hat. She wanted to buy it for me. We could well afford it, but my father began muttering and saying we couldn’t and that I didn’t need it. I did not want my mother to have to put up with my father being angry at her, so I told her I did not want the hat. I was a truthful child so she believed me.
    The look on her face when she bowed to submission instead of being allowed to be the loving mother she was will be with me forever.
    Fast forward to ten years later. I was now 19 and my mum and I went away for a few days. I’d had the same swimsuit since I was 13, and Mum decided to buy me a new one. We went to a cute little shop and I tried on several until we found one we liked. She bought it for me and I wore it to the beach that day.
    The swimsuit is in a pile of clothes next to me as I write. It may be getting old and stretched, but I will keep it forever, since it is a visual reminder of a mother’s love – not because I was good or had done
    something right, but simply because I was her daughter, and she loved me.

  17. The moon. . .

    I agree with you on a certain level here, sister. I agree that we serve a loving, non performance-based Lord. And I sympathize with your mother’s giving spirit as well. I am a giver and I would prefer to say “yes” in love rather than to deny someone something I have the resources to provide them. My husband is like your father. He will sooner say “no” than be bothered too much to have to spend his resources on things that don’t interest him. I have heard my kids talking in the past that mom’s “maybe” always means yes and dad’s always means no. That’s a pretty accurate assessment.

    Having said that, I disagree that we “deserve” anything the Lord has blessed us with. On the contrary, because of our sinful, disobedient hearts we “deserve” hell. Instead, we are generously offered grace and forgiveness. (And those of us who are talking about violins and outfits with matching hats also have to admit that we are lavishly materially provided for….)

    Also, there are circumstances where even those of us who give freely must say no. And saying “no” can be a loving response too. The Lord’s ways are not our ways and his reasoning goes beyond our level of understanding, so consequently there are times when His “no” can seem unfair or “undeserved” to us. It is a similar dynamic with earthly fathers and their children. Depending on the maturity of the receiver, the logic or intent behind the decision cannot always be understood. That factor, though, does not excuse disobedience. We are to joyfully submit to our God ordained authority even when we don’t understand. That is not always easy.

    I have been in the position of your disappointed mother when my husband said what I considered to be an unfair “no” to my children. Unfortunately, I know my children have seen that “look” you speak of seeing on your mother’s face. I now understand that I can cheerfully trust my husband through those times. Rather than being disappointed, I can choose to be content with the outcome either way, and trust that ultimately, our Heavenly Father is in control. I know He cares about my needs (and wants) and I can trust him to provide what I need at all times. And SOMETIMES, He says “yes” to me, even when I’ve already been told “no” by my earthly authority. The story above was one of those times.

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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