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Submission Means We Hold the Things of This World Loosely



“If anyone would come after Me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for Me will save it. What good is it for a man to gain the whole world, and yet forfeit his very self?” Luke 9:23-25

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they one from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. When you ask, you do not receive because you ask with wrong motives, that you may spend what you get on your pleasures. You adulterous people, don’t you know that friendship with the world is hatred toward God? Anyone who chooses to be a friend of the world becomes an enemy of God? Or do you think Scripture says without reason that the Spirit He caused to live in us envies intensely? But He gives us more grace. That is why Scripture says: God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you. Come near to God and He will come near to you. Wash your hands, you sinners, and purify your hearts, you double-minded. Change your laughter to mourning and your joy to gloom. Humble yourselves before the Lord and He will lift you up. James 4:1-10

First, I submit fully to Christ as a believer in Him. I relinquish control over my life and yield control over everything in my life to Jesus.  Then, because I want to obey God and please Him (because I love Him more than anything or anyone), I submit to my husband’s  God-given leadership (Ephesians 5:22-33, Titus 2:3-5,  Colossians 3:18).

When Jesus is LORD of my life, getting my way is no longer my primary goal. Bringing honor and glory to Him is my primary goal now – even in my marriage.


This is a concept that is central to being a true disciple of Christ, and it is a painful and unpopular one. “Dying to self “is much overlooked in our Western churches today because we prefer to hear about “health, wealth and happiness” – not the biblical concepts of suffering, sacrifice, obedience no matter what the cost and total submission to Christ as LORD of all in our lives.

As disciples of Jesus, we cling to Jesus alone. We hold everything else loosely. When there is something we want, we ask God for it in faith. We also ask God to help us examine our motives to be sure we are not asking with wrong motives. We learn to lay each issue at the feet of Jesus, being content with whichever outcome is the will of God regardless of our own will. We learn to seek His will far above our own.

This is what Jesus means by carrying our cross daily.

  • We lay down our will.
  • We lay down our desires.
  • We remember that our sinful nature was crucified with Christ on the cross and that we learn to count ourselves dead to sin and alive to God through Jesus.
  • We lay down all that we are, all of our plans, our dreams, our health, our money, our jobs, our husbands, our children, our future, our talents, our wisdom and everything that is ours and we place it on the altar before Christ. Meaning – we trust Him fully with all of the things that are most precious to us.
  • We are willing to give up anything He asks us to at any time.
  • We cling only to Jesus. We count Him as the only thing we MUST have. He is our Greatest Treasure. He is our LIFE. We truly desire Him far above anything else in this world,

This is hard. It is a very painful process. Submission to God’s will was difficult and painful for Jesus Himself in the Garden of Gethsemane. How much more difficult and painful will it be for us as sinners to die to self? Yet, our submission to God and faith in Him is His measure of our love for Him. If we are willing to obey God and trust His heart – even if He asks us to be willing to surrender our greatest and dearest relationships and treasures on this earth – the end result is maturity in our faith and great joy and fruitfulness in Christ!

Each of us have different priorities and different things we hold very dear.

For the rich young ruler – the thing that was most important in his life was his money and his wealth. He was not willing to sell all he had and follow Christ. His money and belongings were more important to him than Jesus. Jesus doesn’t necessarily call each of us to sell all he has and give to the poor and follow Him. But –

He does call each of His followers to be willing to give up anything and everything for His sake at any time and to put nothing above Him in our hearts. Ever.

That is how we show our deepest devotion and love is for Him alone – that we believe He is worthy of any sacrifice He might ask us to make.

Check out the response of God’s faithful servant, Job, when he lost all of his 10 children and all of his wealth in one day:

Job got up and tore his robe and shaved his head. Then he fell to the ground in worship and said: Naked I came from my mother’s womb and naked I will depart. The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.” In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing. Job 1:20-22

God tests our faith by trials (James 1, Job and I Peter are about this). Many times He will ask us to be willing to give up whatever is most precious to us. These tests force us to purify our motives, refine our faith and to grow into maturity as we must wrestle with being willing to give up the things of this world that we love most to demonstrate that our love for God is greater than our love for anything or anyone else. The Lord certainly tested Abraham when He asked him to sacrifice Isaac on the altar to Him to prove that He loved God more than the promised child. And then, what an incredible thing – God did not actually require Abraham to go through with the test – but God Himself DID  sacrifice His only Son to prove His outrageous love for us.


Each of us have different “hot button issues” and fears. What may be a great test of faith for one of us may not be difficult for another. But we each have certain things that we don’t want to sacrifice and surrender to God. There are all kinds of things that we may feel we “must have” to be happy in this life. When we are tested, God may call upon us to be willing to give up something of this world that we hold dear. Many times, the thing may be a “good thing.” It may even be a gift from God. But God wants to see us be willing to choose Him and to obey Him over having what we want in this world. If we are not willing to surrender something and we are unwilling to give it up in obedience to God, then, we are likely dealing with an idol, something that is more important to us than God.


He fell with His face to the ground and prayed, “My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from Me. Yet not as I will, but as You will.” Matthew 26:39

To give up something we hold as precious requires us to spend MUCH time wrestling in prayer, MUCH purposeful surrendering and submitting and yielding to God. It can be agony. Have I had to do this with certain issues? Yes. Will I have to do it again many times in my life? Definitely! But this process forces us to learn to lay down our will and seek only God’s will as Jesus did in the Garden of Gethsemane. This is HARD! It is PAINFUL!!!!!!!

There is no shortcut here as we learn to trust God completely, depend on His sovereignty and goodness and His unspeakable love for us.

We learn that God is truly going to do what is ultimately best for us and what will cause us to be more like Christ as we walk through the fiery trials. We learn that this is the path to maturing in our faith and learning to depend on the sufficiency of Christ. This is how we learn to be content in any circumstances no matter what the outcome of any situation.

I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do everything through Him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:11-13

This is where we learn to experience the supernatural peace of God, as we give God the freedom to give and take whatever He knows is best in our lives. We learn to lean not on our own understanding but to wholly depend on God and His wisdom. We learn to live in constant submission to His Spirit and His Word. We long to delight Him and to know Him more. The things of this world grow “strangely dim” as we focus on Christ and eternity. We begin to store up treasures for ourselves in heaven because that is where our hearts are. We become willing to suffer for Jesus even if it costs us dearly and we learn to count suffering for Him as an honor and blessing. We learn to be willing to literally lose our own lives for Him if He calls us to do that. We cleave to Jesus and cling tightly to Him. And we are willing to let go of everything else, seeking only His will and all of His will. We ask Him to change our hearts to want what He wants and to hate what He hates. This is the process of being pruned, refined, tested, tried and sanctified as God conforms us to the image of Christ.

My full submission to God means that my life is not about me, it is about God’s greatest glory!

There are times when God will ask us to be willing to do things we REALLY do not want to do. Submission can be very painful – our submission to God and to our husbands. Sometimes a husband may ask his wife to do something that she completely disagrees with. I believe that she can and should share her heart, desires, thoughts, ideas, perspective and feelings respectfully – just like we share our hearts, needs and desires with God in prayer. But then, if he still believes it is the best course of action and he is not clearly asking her to sin (by God’s definition not hers), she can submit to his leadership joyfully, trusting God to work through her husband’s leadership to bring about His will in her life even when she doesn’t understand. She knows that she will understand in time and that God is able to use every circumstance to bring about His will and to do good in her life for His glory (Romans 8:28-29).

* If a husband is asking his wife to clearly sin, please check out Spiritual Authority.


I would love to hear from some of you who have submitted to God and your husband in a time when you did not agree, but you rested in the sovereignty of God and then later saw the wisdom in your husband’s decision and in God’s ability to lead you through your husband.

If there are specific issues that are particularly difficult for you to submit to God and/or your husband about, let’s talk about it together!


For wives whose husbands tend to be very dominant and strong, you will want to check out the comments on last week’s post. There are some beautiful gems of wisdom there from other wives who are learning to honor God and their husbands in such situations when their husbands are angry.


A Real Life Example of Biblical Submission and Respect

How to Make Your Husband an Idol

The Idol of Control

My Secret Idol – a wife wants her husband to be saved more than anything

How to Stop Idolatry and Truly Live for Christ 

Things that Fuel Discontentment in Me

Contentment Only Comes from Having Christ as Lord

Waiting Becomes Sweet

Fear Fuels Our Need to Control

99 thoughts on “Submission Means We Hold the Things of This World Loosely

  1. What a timing of the post…

    I’ve been a peaceful wife, consistently for more than 4 months now. Yesterday I was not keeping a little well and my husband already told me that he would going out for a dinner. He left at 8:00 PM and was expected to back by 10:30 PM. No news from him, my sleep plus body aches were just so tempting to bring back my accusing voices. But I kind of prayed with my daughter and tried to sleep. I should admit, I was scared I would fail, thats when thoughts started creeping in – where did he, with whom, who is he spending time with? In that one moment I just told myself God is soverign overalll – even if my husband has to go against me it is still in Gods control and its between him and God. I got angry with him – he came back at 12, I dint talk to him. But in the morning I talked to him as was as normal as I could be.

    I’m feeling very very good…!!! It is just impossible with my own self. Definitely this blog has helped me in many ways in understanding what I need to do…. I’m sooo thankful to God for helping me or else I would have been just a nagging wife and would have led my husband away from God!

    1. Vinodhini,

      I am so excited to hear that you have been so much more peaceful for the past 4 months! WOW! PRAISE GOD! I am praying for wisdom for you and your husband, for healing for you both and for your marriage. I can definitely understand your concerns about him being out so late. I am glad you turned to God and decided to pray and trust Him. I pray that God will help you to know what you need to know and to know what He desires you to do. I pray He might bring your husband to Himself and to you and that He might be greatly glorified in your marriage and your life!

      1. Thank you April, Glad to see you back..

        Will keep you posted on my achievements.. Im quite peaceful….. God is helping me and I’m getting stronger in my faith and convictions

        My husband is definitely scared to accept it as something permanent.. He once or twice told me, I only hope your change is permanent.. I understand his fear.. 🙂

        Lots of love to your and your family.


        1. Vinodhini,

          I am so excited about what God is doing in you! Your husband may feel skeptical for a year or two.. that is pretty normal. But I am thankful you are seeking Christ and pursuing Him and that you understand his fear.

          I wish I could hug your neck my sweet friend!

  2. You are always right on time. God really uses you to confirm what he is saying. It is hard, but when situations are sticky, and you don’t have a clear specific answer, relying on God’s structure of authority is all we can do until He makes the pathway clear. My husband and I are in a situation where we don’t know if either of our preferences will work, but God brought me to the conclusion that I must submit to my husband in this. Now I just have to be quiet about things.

    1. Nicole,

      This waiting and holding things loosely does NOT come naturally. I know, for me, what comes naturally is to decide what I think is best and then run like crazy ahead of God and my husband to try to make everything work out the way I think it should. Unfortunately, that method has caused a lot of damage in our marriage in the past and in my walk with Christ.

      I am excited about your willingness to die to yourself and to yield the outcome to God and to trust God to lead you through your husband.

      Here is a post that may be helpful as you are waiting:

      Waiting Becomes Sweet

  3. I love holding things loosely for the Lord. This is what He meant by the verse:

    “Anyone who loves their father or mother more than me is not worthy of me; anyone who loves their son or daughter more than me is not worthy of me.” Mt 10:37

    I love my husband and our children and people whom I hold dear, but I love them with the love of the Lord. I love them next only to God.

    For as long as I remember this and keep things in perspective — that EVERYTHING and EVERYONE is only “loaned” to me on borrowed time, I am able to love them more while never forgetting that I own nothing, and I “own” nobody. And so, I am just eternally grateful for all that He gives me and all whom He allows to be part of my life.

    God is so very good. I love Him so. <3 🙂

    1. Peacefulwifephilippines,

      It’s amazing that we can love others MORE when we hold them loosely, isn’t it? And what an important thing to remember – that each day and each moment is such a precious gift. We don’t know how much time we have with anyone. This life is very short. How I pray we will carefully number our days and not get attached to the things of this world, but that we might set our hearts on the treasures of heaven, especially Jesus. He is the Greatest Treasure there is! He is worthy of all of our sacrifice and obedience. How I pray He might empower us to be faithful to Him no matter what He may ask of us.

      Thank you for sharing your love for God and for your family and how you look at things to keep them in the right priority.

      Much love!

  4. Wonderful post! Just the facts, ma’am! This stuff is soo important!!

    Since you asked, I’ll share a recent obedience/submission story!

    A few weeks ago, our family was at a garage sale and our daughter (8) found a used violin with books, etc. for a great price! She loves all things musical and we are homeschoolers so (in my mind) I thought it was a definite go! How much fun we could have with that!

    I agreed with her -only that it was a great price, NOT that we should definitely get it – (An improvement for me) and told her to go ask her daddy about it.

    My husband said no to the violin because our daughter had struggled to obey him just the day before several times and he didn’t feel like she deserved to get it.

    She was very disappointed, and so was I. BUT I did not argue with him, and I encouraged her not to as well. Instead, I took her aside and told her to trust her daddy to lead our family. I prayed with her that if she was to have a violin, one would be provided for her somehow & if she wasn’t, we could forget about it & focus on the instruments we do have for now.

    She seemed to forget about it soon enough, enjoying our keyboard and guitars like she usually does throughout the week. She mentioned it once or twice, but I reminded her that we are blessed to have what we do and if the Lord wants us to have one, he will provide one.

    Fast forward about 3-4 weeks. . .my husband and sons went to help his musician brother move out of state. They were gone for three days. When they returned, my husband had a surprise for our daughter. This makes me cry typing it now, but it was EXACTLY the same violin -for free! (Nothing special, just your average middle-school beginner violin, but still the same) My brother -in -law had received it in a trade with some other stuff and had no need for it. And no room to store it in his new place. So he asked my husband if we’d take it.

    My daughter and I prayed prayers of thanks to the one who knows us and loves us and takes care of the little things for us. And I praised HIM because my daughter (and I) got a lesson in patience and a tangible example of how obedience and submission works! God can still meet our needs (and sometimes our wants) if we will just trust HIM to provide for us and trust HIM to lead us through these human leaders he’s given us. It doesn’t always look like this, and sometimes we don’t recognize it, but sometimes it DOES and sometimes we DO. And it’s fun to be pleasantly surprised and cared for!

    1. FreeIndeed,


      I would LOVE LOVE LOVE to share this story with everyone! Would you consider allowing me to share it maybe this Thursday? THANK YOU so much for sharing!

      1. Absolutely April! What a blessing it is to encourage each other with our everyday life stories!

        1. Thank you, so much, Free Indeed! Would you be available to answer questions or comments on Thursday if any of the ladies might want to ask you something?

          1. Hi April!
            I’ll do my best! Not sure yet how Thursday will look for us. I’ll try to check in regularly that day 🙂

    1. Awesome accounts of submission mrsvalor! These sorts of stories are quite common for me in my walk. I can usually see The Father’s hand very clearly. Many times it would be so easy to chalk it up to coincidence or give ourselves a pat on the back for making a good decision. . .i praise The Lord for your posts- they encourage us to give credit where credit is due!!

      1. Mrsvslor,
        I am so glad I read your stories. I hope you don’t mind, but is shared this post on my FB page. I know so many other wives will be blessed. I love your heart for Christ, your humility and the way God so clearly speaks His truth through you. Beautiful!

  5. I am so glad you are back to motivating Godly wives to submit to their husbands. My assistant pastor gave a sermon on Colossians 3 this weekend, and while he chose to emphasize the verses encouraging men to love their husbands more than those encouraging women to submit to their wives, he said following God’s will for this will bring us peace in our relationships. You are essentially saying the same to me. I am prevented from being as successful in my at-home business as I would like because of past and present choices to submit to my husband’s will, i.e. in the past to let him spend money I knew he was spending foolishly, and in the present to allow him to take our car and me to places where I can’t concentrate on my work as well as I could at home. But I have peace that I’ve made the right choices, and even though my at-home business isn’t a huge success, I know that because my husband approves of it, it is what God wants me to continue doing. If I were to not submit, I could not have that peace.

  6. We recently had a household problem that needed to be solved. Everything I read on the internet said don’t try to solve it “this” way or it will only make things worse, which is the way my husband wanted to solve it. I shared with him what I read, but that I would respect whatever he decided to do. He went ahead with his plan, but it turns out that it worked! When I gave him kudos, he explained his theory, which made sense and bolstered my confidence that I can trust him to make good decisions. I feel like I’m making progress in submitting, but submitting “joyfully” seems out of reach. I pray I have that light bulb moment very soon!

    1. Jane Doe,

      First comes the willingness to submit. It takes practice and time to learn to do this, and it takes the power of God’s Spirit. As your faith in God and your husband grows, you will be able to have the joy of Christ (the fruit of His Spirit) and trust Him even when you can’t see how things will work out at the moment. You can have the joy of anticipating how God in His sovereignty will work this situation out for your ultimate good and His glory.

      I hope that makes sense! 🙂

  7. Free Indeed,

    That is one of the most amazing stories I have ever heard 🙂 God is so good!!!

      1. Finally found it!! When I typed peacefulwife as one word it popped up. You kept mentioning it but I never could find it!

  8. Thank you for this it was right on time… My husband and I were separated for 4 months, during that time he was with other women and I was focusing on God and standing for my marriage. I learned a lot about respect and submission. Two weeks ago my husband came home to me depressed and heartbroken… So when the OW called him 4 days later he began to talk to her again and 3 nights in a row he didn’t come home at night until the next morning. I have been so focused on the circumstances and making all of this my focus and constantly praying for my husband and obsessing… Last night he left for a few hours to use the phone, and I was really going through it and I got your blog email and it was right on time. I need to go back to focusing on God, and remember the promises he has given me. I know that this is only temporary and God will get me through this without a word or disrespect passing through my mouth.

    1. CrysPG821,

      Oh goodness! How my heart breaks for you!

      My precious girl. I am so glad you are focusing on Christ and want to be the woman He calls you to be. But what your husband is doing is not ok. You do not have to respect him cheating on you. You can respect that he is your husband. You can be the woman God commands you to be. But that does not mean you have to be ok with him cheating on you. Sometimes, submitting to Christ does involve confronting our husbands’ sin. I have a post/video about that here. However, I am not really talking about a husband who is involved in unrepentant infidelity in that post.

      I pray that you might be sensitive to God and act in His wisdom. But there will be times when it is necessary for a wife to say, “I love you. I want to honor you as my husband and treat you with respect. I want to make this marriage work. But it is not ok for you to cheat on me. You can’t have me and this other woman. I am not going to tell you what to do or force you to stay with me. But I do expect you to treat me with respect. What you are doing is wrong, it deeply hurts me. And it grieves the heart of God. I cannot live like this. I want to rebuild trust and rebuild our marriage. But here are the things I will need in order to do that…”

      Sin always causes depression, heartbreak and pain. It also always hurts those we love. My blog is great for helping women learn to seek Christ first and to learn what respect and biblical submission mean. But I don’t have personal experience with dealing with a husband being unfaithful. I believe you are going to need godly, experienced, biblical help.

      How I pray God will draw your husband to Himself and that He might heal your marriage. But most of all, I pray for you to draw near to Christ and to seek His wisdom in this incredibly painful situation.

      Much love to you!

      1. Yes, I have been very actively seeking Godly advice on this matter and I have lovingly confronted my husband about his sins, with the help from and Rejoice Marriage Ministries. But I came across your blog and videos on you tube a few months ago when I finally listened to my husbands constructive criticisms about my respect issues. We had been taking Love & Respect Marriage classes prior to our separation.
        Since my husband has been home I have tried to win him without a word and have been very cautious about the way that I talk to him, since this is my sin issue. I am definitely not allowing him to believe it is ok to so what he is doing, I have spoken my peace and now it is up to God to change his heart. I have been in his shoes as well… about 7 years ago I separated from my husband to pursue the single life and we were off and on for about 2 1/2 years…
        So I know what he is going through and how hard it is, he assures me this is only temporary and he isn’t going anywhere.
        I was commenting on the blog because over the course of the last week or so I have had car problems and got out of my normal church/fellowship/bible study routine and so I have actually been focusing on this circumstance so much that I am afraid I have made my husband an idol. I have been very emotional and allowed all of this craziness to control my every thought and emotion, and I have been showing all of this to my husband and allowing anything that comes to my mind come out of my mouth. I see that I must have posted on the wrong post though.

        1. CrysPG821,

          I am glad that you have lovingly confronted your husband and that you are not saying to him that infidelity is ok with you. Whew! Just wanted to be sure!

          I love your heart for God and for your husband. I can’t wait to see what God has in store for you!

          You may want to search my home page for the following words:

          – idol
          – idolatry
          – discontentment
          – contentment
          – stages of this journey
          – a peaceful separated wife

          And the posts at the top of my home page may be helpful, as well. I am thrilled that you are working on your part. I pray God might restore you both to Himself and to your marriage. Much love!

  9. A very quick and simple story, what was one of my first on the path of submission.” A friend wanted to take me and my children to a lake. The trip was related to her birthday in the summer month July. She gave me two options . We could either meet Wednesday or Sunday. I talked to my husband and he desided that Thursday would be the day fitting best for our family. I didnt discuss by Gods grace and with a trembling heart ( I am a people pleaser and didn’t want to disappoint my friend…) I told my friend that Thursday would be the only day we would be available. She accepted miraculously and was able to change her schedule and that particular Thursday had the most beautiful weather, perfect for a trip to the lake. The options she gave at first : Wednesday and Sunday were rainy and extraordinary cold.” Simple, but this little occasion got stuck in my mind. It takes faith to trust that the almighty God uses an imperfect man to guide me. Now it gives me security. Some months or years I would have discussed until I got it way. I was a controll freek. And missing out on Gods blessings. Like the beautiful perfect timed weather on that appointed Thursday. 🙂

    1. Correction: ” Some months or years ago I would have discussed until I got it my way.” April, sorry by accident the post came two times, can you take one away?

  10. His grace. . I LOVE that story. It is so easy sometimes to put others plans first and work around them. For years, i hated to inconvenience others for our family’s sake. What i didn’t realize is how inconvenienced my own husband was while others benefitted from my generosity. Makes me sad to think about it now. I worked so hard to be a good friend that i ended up being a pretty wretched wife 🙁

    1. Free Indeed!
      I was the same way. I was such a people pleaser, to everyone but my husband, at times. I didn’t understand that when I say “yes” to others, I was often inconveniencing or saying a tacit “no” to him. How I long to put Greg far above every other human relationship and to be sure I am most available to him and giving him my best as his wife.

  11. Lat month, my husband and i had planned to accompany my younger brother to the home of her fiance for dowry negotiations. A few days before, i discovered that my hubby had miss appropriated some money and hadn’t told me the truth. After prayer and having pace with it, i lovingly confronted him. he was angry and on the morning of our travel told me he wont go. At that point, i would have naturally blown and told him how disappointed i was. but God gave me peace and grace. I told him that if he has changed his mind, he allows me to go and represent him. I thanked him and left the house. i left him sleeping. On the way, God kept on reminding me to update him where i am in honor of him as my husband. Guess what! half way the journey he called to say he is on his way . He joined me before my family could arrive and notice his absence. I have learnt that when i submit first to God to honour his word and then to my husband, even when he is on the wrong, God comes through.
    Praise the Lord!

    1. Liz,
      I love this story! Thank you so much for sharing. I know many wives feel they lose power in the relationship if they respect their husbands and honor their husbands’ leadership. But we gain the power of heaven when we obey God. We don’t lose. We and our husbands and everyone in the family wins! I love how God worked in your husband’s heart without you having to say anything else. He is so good!

  12. Hi PeacefulWife (and any other ladies that might have a word of advice for me!!) I have a question….My husband and I have a toddler (our first and only child so far) and he is usually not very hands-on or helpful with her for whatever reason…maybe just because he’s a man and he thinks I have the parenting under control, not sure. Anyway, he will usually help with our daughter IF I ASK HIM to. Otherwise, no help. He just doesn’t jump in and assist me without me asking, ever. The pattern thus far in our marriage is that if I need him to help me with any little thing involving our daughter, I ask him and then he will usually help after a bit of complaining. It’s absolutely exhausting for me to have to ask each any and every time that I need his assistance with our daughter. But if I don’t ask, I do all the parenting on my own, which is also exhausting. I have to ask him to change her diaper every time, otherwise I do it myself. I have to ask him to help feed her, unless I just do it myself. You get the picture. How can I get him to help me on his own without constantly having to ask him nearly 20 times a day for various participation in our parenting? I’d appreciate some advice from those wiser and more experienced than myself! Thankyou in advance <3

    1. mrsvalor, I will look forward to replies on this, as well. While my husband does help some, I have to ask for help when I need it and he usually is not happy about it. I have other friends with the same problem, so I don’t think it’s uncommon. My take is that it’s just not where his heart is, and I can’t change that, and asking makes me feel like a nag, so I just buck up and do things. And I’m tired a lot. But it all drives me to Christ and resting in and relying on his grace and power, and that’s not a bad deal. 🙂

      1. Anonymous,

        My understanding is that many men view it as disrespectful to swoop in and help without being asked. They wouldn’t want their wives to take over and help them without them asking their wives for help. So they wait, respectfully, to be asked, before jumping in.

        You can share that you would really appreciate him jumping in and that to you – it feels very loving when he does that – it doesn’t feel disrespectful. That may help.

        But then, ask him for what you need, and thank him when he helps you and tell him what a great dad he is. 🙂

      2. I totally know how you feel. More often than not I just buck up and do things myself because he simply will not help, and yes it is exhausting but God will give us the strength we need, even if our husbands never change! I will try praising him more when he does help, and letting him know how much I feel loved by his helping.

  13. Thank you so much for this post, that’s what this walk is about everyday, dying to self, wants and desires, when we loose, we gain. Thank you God.

  14. Yesterday while having dinner my husband watched the news and I commented on what was said there, he got angry and asked if I wanted my own tv. So than I got angry really angry. I just wanted to take my plate and eat alone as I felt criticised. Third time in a row that day and it seemed to me I just cannot do anything right at all.
    I had not read the post yet but some of the comments and decided to shut upp and say nothing, though cooking on the inside, just stayed calm outward. Afterwards did the dishes and forced myself not to bang and slam but do it calmly wich made me painfully aware I still raged on the inside.
    Afterwards went out and looked extra efter the animals just to not boil over, coming in the house he sits and watch some news program unaware of my rage. So I managed not to lash out and start an unproductive fight. Instead i sit down have cofee together and so the rage subsides.
    Today I am happy I did control myselve and so I have not caused him to shut down for ever so long a time again. I allowed him to criticise me and gues I have to learn to hold my tongue when he is watching news. He feels he cannot safely criticise people and has shut down to all so I know I do have to allow and accept that but really stumble on this pride of mine I did not know was that strong in me.

    1. Tabitha,
      I praise God He gave you the strength not to lash out and make a tense situation worse. There are times when we do need to say we are hurt. And there are times when saying something may be unwise.

      You may want to search my home page for:
      To speak or not to speak
      Confronting our husbands about their sin

      I am excited about what God is doing in you! I think your husband can hear you better when you respond gently rather than harshly, most likely. Prov. 15:1.

      Praying for you to draw nearer and nearer to Christ and to walk in His power and to live in obedience to Him, and for healing for your marriage. 🙂

      1. Thank you for your answer, It touched me. Looking back it seemed a silly thing to get mad about and I am so glad I did not show that, controlled my tongue these last days mostly, found out I really do comment a lot, find much of the news onesided and to much propaganda but ah well commenting don’t chanche that. Nee’s book helped me a lot in my faith and made me more secure in trusting God but I still have a lot of sin to struggle with. A friend told me once that I should be glad if my husband allows himself to get angry with me it does show two things, he feels secure enough to do so and he feels I have become stronger as he dare show his anger. I have a history of burn-out and depression and in those times he has been more the caretaker. So actually this is a much more healthy situation. Sometimes now if I do not know how to react I just copy what I read here on the blog and wait and see. Feels a lot like acting even little things as smile purposly and be aware what my bodylanguage is saying,
        But this simple message to rely and trust God does make a great difference because I understand I should take my hurt to God and not to the people around me and more that I can be sure that the Holy Spirit lives in me, that is so awsome, I doubted that, thought I was too sinfull to full of rage and anger.
        I still have this mountain of sin but I think of you often, you did not get there all at once and so I just have to do this step by step and trust in God to get me there.

        1. Tabitha,

          I am so encouraged to hear how you are doing! 🙂

          This is a LONG, LONG journey. The process of sanctification takes a lifetime – where we learn to live out what Jesus has already done for us and given to us.

          It may feel like acting at first because what feels natural is sin. But just because something feels natural, doesn’t mean it is productive or good. Eventually, as God continues to transform your heart and mind, the good things will feel natural and the sinful things will feel repulsive and foreign.

          I’m so thankful you are relying on God! We are all too sinful to be godly on our own. We are all in desperate need of Christ and His Spirit’s power to live out His will through us.

          We are all together on this same journey!

          Much love!

  15. I read this article quickly. I thought “well, I know this stuff. I don’t have any idols, I learn daily to walk according to the spirit and not the flesh: not a big deal!”

    But I still struggle to let go of one aspect in our marriage. As I learned to respect more and more my husband, things started to change slowly in a good way. We are not yet there but thanks God, we aren’t in the mess we were before. But still this main problem that I cannot resolve cause it doesn’t depend of me, but of him.

    I tried everything: to let it go for a while, ask in a nice way, joke about it, talk and talk again. I prayed and fasted: nothing. The problem is still there.

    So yesterday night and this morning, I was feeling The Lord was reminding me the things I read quickly in this article and I knew: I need to let it go definitively now. I don’t how things are going to go and I have to resist the fear that things may stay this way for ever. Even if it stays, I can’t do anything about it and need to get away of God’s way and just lean on His grace. That’s the only way and this time, I’ll let it at the feet of the cross for good.

    Thanks for your ministry April: such a blessing in our lives! Big hug

    1. sonadewonderful,
      I am so excited! This sounds like a big breakthrough in your life. I am praising God with you and praying for strength as you seek christ alone and as you surrender this difficult thing to God. Much love my precious sister!

  16. I have often been saying, that every good thing we get in this life is only a glimpse into the goodness of something eternal–the things may come and go, but God our provider stays constant! 🙂

    I believe God gives and takes away so that we understand the need to trust in the Provider, not the provision itself. That way, we don’t need to fear the loss of things God gives us. When he gives, or takes away, He is leading us toward Himself and imperishable riches.

    Great article.

  17. Hi April,
    God has recently called me back to him, and I am on an exiting journey discovering what it really means to walk with Him and be in Him. My husband is still far away from God. I am starting to find all my needs met through Jesus. I turn to Jesus with my problems and issues, and he helps me. He is my source of peace and joy and security. I also have Godly girlfriends I can talk to.

    Sometimes I feel that the dynamic in our marriage is me and Jesus, and then there’s also my husband. Since Jesus already meets all my needs, I wonder what needs of mine, if any, I should look to my husband to meet. My husband is not the spiritual leader of our house, so at this time he cannot lead me. I sometimes feel that he’s just another person I’m called to serve, respect, and fulfill various duties to. And that’s all. And perhaps in the process of living with another imperfect person, I will be further sanctified.

    I’m not expecting anything from him in return, and even while I strive to be the wife in 1 Peter 3, something feels not right with this setup/dynamic in our marriage. I know there should be more to marriage than this, even at this point while he’s still far from God. Is there something I’m missing? Thanks,

    1. Ellen,

      It is great to hear from you!

      I think that many, many wives begin their journey in a similar place. It is mostly us and Jesus. And we realize we have to drop all of our expectations about our husbands.

      I do believe that God can heal our husbands and marriages- He sure healed mine, and hundreds of other wives’ marriages here – of course, they are all at different stages of the journey. I think there will be a time of being still, waiting on God, waiting on your husband, finding the sufficiency of Christ as being enough to meet your needs.

      Then, in time, it may be that God begins to work in your husband and he does things that are thoughtful, loving, kind or generous. You can cherish those things and appreciate them but think of them as “extras.”

      I would suggest looking up the following terms on my home page, my precious sister:

      – husband lead
      – leader
      – how to make your husband an idol
      – discontentment
      – contentment
      – expectations
      – dying to self
      – stages of this journey

      I Peter 3:1-6 is your primary calling from God right now, to get out of God’s way and to walk in obedience to God, allowing Him to work in your husband and allowing Him to bless your husband through you.

      God can use this time to refine your motives until your only motives are to love God with all your heart, mind, soul and strength and to bless your husband. This is a time of purifying and refining you spiritually. It can be very painful! But, absolutely, this is a way that God sanctifies us.

      Praying for God’s power and wisdom for you! And for God to open your husband’s eyes and bring him to Himself. And praying for healing in your marriage for the glory of God!

  18. So glad you are back, April. I have very much missed my mentor and friend. I’m glad too, that you’ve come back with even greater vision and a new course for your time spent – much directed by your husband. How very wise of you. Being a witness to your walk and candor regarding life choices continues to be such a blessing. You are sunshine, dear one. It has also been so good to hear how our Lord is blessing so many wives who have chosen to take on the submission journey.

    Over the summer, I became greatly overwhelmed in my marriage and realized I had a choice. I could either keep holding onto the idol of my husband’s love or let it go. I honestly felt like my soul was being ripped apart. It seemed like no matter how much I respected my husband or supported his projects, distance and pain would prevail. So what did I have to loose?

    Once I put my husband’s love at the feet of Jesus -and left it there- not only did a painful decision made by my husband get overturned without my involvement, but I saw even further how my own actions, perspective and motives needed further refinement.

    There’s a quiet inside now, like the stillness after a storm. This time I remembered Jesus was in the boat with me and so was able to respond with patience, love, trust…and I feel….thankful for the experience. Enough to write in today.

    Your stages on this journey have come to mind over and again. This is the process. I’m learning that THIS IS THE PROCESS.

    I love you guys.

  19. d,

    I thought about going to medical school myself. Then I realized that I would miss out on the years of my life that were most precious. I decided that for me it wasn’t worth all that time in school and time away from my family. I chose pharmacy school instead because there was a lot less schooling involved and I knew I could go part time when I had children. I knew I didn’t want to miss out on my children growing up. You can never get that time back once it is gone.

    It would be a HUGE sacrifice to your marriage and your daughter for you to go to medical school. I know that I could not do that knowing what I know now in my own life. I know that my family is infinitely more important to me than my career. And, looking back, I don’t even know if I would have gone to pharmacy school knowing what I know now. But I am not you. And this is your decision to make.

    If you can, I think that reading The Life Ready Woman by Shaunti Feldhahn may help you find direction.

    Just please be sure to prayerfully consider the fact that you being away so much and not being with your daughter and husband very much for years will have a price in your marriage and your family. I want to be sure you know ahead of time what those costs may be. And please carefully consider the fact that your husband has asked you to stay in town.

    If you get to have your dream of being a doctor, but you lose your marriage, for instance – will the doctor thing have been worth it? That is a potential cost of being away so much and not being able to invest in your family and marriage.

    I pray for God’s wisdom for you!!!!

    1. D.,

      My precious girl!!!! I wish I could give you a big hug!!! 🙂

      Yes!!!!! God leads us through our husbands in decisions like this. If only we will listen.

      Perhaps you will be able to pursue your dream of being a doctor at a later time – with your husband’s blessing. If it is of God – He will provide a way. But if this is not God’s will, you could destroy things that are most precious for the sake of something that will not satisfy. Does that make sense?

      Sometimes we believe we know what is best for us. But sometimes God knows there is something much better He has in store for us. Marriage and family are such a precious blessing. I don’t believe you will ever regret investing your intelligence, time, resources, energy, gifts, talents, and your heart into your husband, children, and marriage – as you keep Christ on the throne in your life.

      I know many women who put career first and who realized, too late, that they wished they had put their family above career. You can always go to school later. If it is God’s will. But you only get one shot with your children when they are young. And this time is so very precious that you are sharing with your husband. Life is short. Loving God and loving people (especially our families) have got to be at the very top of our priorities, in my view.

      I have a feeling that God is giving your husband a lot of wisdom about what is best for your family, and even for you. Maybe you can thank him for his godly leadership and let him know that you are willing to give up your dream of being a doctor so that you can live out your dream of being an involved and godly wife and mama?

      I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for you!!!!! 🙂

      I’m right here if you need to talk.

      1. D,

        If being a doctor is God’s will for you, He will provide a way for you to do it that honors Him, your husband, and your children, my sweet sister. 🙂

        What are you doing to close the gap in your marriage, to show your husband true respect and honor, and to seek to understand his masculine needs and perspective? Is it possible he feels disrespected and unimportant to you? I don’t know how things have been. I know that the medicine dream seems to be your highest ambition based on what you have written. Being a doctor is wonderful. But, I want you to be where God wants you to be with a strong, vibrant, healthy marriage and family even more than I want you to be able to have the career you long to have. I long to hear God tell you, “Well done, my good and faithful servant,” about what kind of disciple of Christ, wife, and mother you we’re in this lifetime, as well as in your career.

        You are welcome to share here. I am happy to pray with you.

        Much love!

      2. D,

        Here’s something to consider – why do you want to be a doctor or go into medicine? What exactly will all of the benefits be? What are your expectations? 🙂

        1. Dear April,
          Thank you so much for your precious response. My husband works night shifts so he tends to sleep in the day and be up at night. On his days off he may sleep in the day then in the evening watch TV or play video games or be on the internet. I try to give him lots of space, when we spend time together it’s mostly in front of the TV and I stay mostly quiet. About two years ago before we were married he told me he felt disrespected, that was before we were married. I’ve been reading your blog for at least 7 months now and I am more quiet, less critical and argumentative. I think he feels more respected now. You are right that medicine was my highest ambition. It feels weird to let it go. I want to be a doctor to help people, I feel my experiences make me a good person to empathise with patients. I already did a 3 year degree in biomedical science to help me get on to study medicine. I expect being a doctor is a lot of work but rewarding at the same time.

          1. D,

            It sounds like you may be feeling rather lonely in your marriage? Do you feel that you have freedom to talk about some positive things with your husband? Do you thank him for providing well and thank him and smile at him a lot when you get to spend time with him? Has he shared how he has felt disrespected?

            I’m so thankful for what God is doing in your heart. 🙂 His work in you is beautiful!

            If your deepest desire is to help others and bless them – there are many, many ways to do that! Perhaps you can lay your life fully before God in total surrender and share your dream to be able to bless others and to help them – and ask God to direct you in the paths He has for you – for career, for family, for ministry…? He can open the doors He has for you. When you are in the center of God’s will for your life – that is the place of greatest fulfillment.

            I am a pharmacist – and it is wonderful to help people medically. I have done that for 20 years now. But – honestly – this ministry is much more fulfilling than pharmacy could ever possibly be (for me) – because it is God’s calling to me and I get to see Him do miracles in people’s lives and marriages every day.

            God can direct your paths – and He will use your husband to help lead you to the paths He has for you. 🙂

            Much love to you!

            1. Dear April,
              Yes I’ve felt lonely , I guess I need to spend more time in fellowship with God. I can start to talk about positive things, thanking him and smiling more are good ideas, thanks for those April. It’s been a while since he told me he felt disrespected so I don’t remember everything about that time, it was before I started reading your blog so I don’t think I asked how exactly I has disrespected him. Thanks for giving me hope about what God may have in store for me. Much love

              1. D.,

                It would be interesting to see how you are feeling about things after really plugging in to God and seeking Him with all your heart and continuing to seek to bless your husband, invest in your marriage, and build up your man.

                I know God has good plans for you. 🙂

                Much love!

      1. D.,

        I can’t wait to see what God wants to do in your heart, your mind, your soul, your marriage, your family, and your career. Let me know if you want to talk some more. I will do my best to point you to Christ and His Word. 🙂

        May God richly bless your walk wtih Christ!

  20. Thank you so much for this post. My heart really needed to read these truths. Praying I can get back to the place where Christ is all I require for happiness and I can joyfully submit to my loving husband. Do you have any posts about enjoying work while waiting ?

  21. Wow!! This is just what I needed, yet sooooo hard for me to do! In my situation, my husband wants to move out to the country and I absolutely love where we live right now. I’ve presented my opinions respectfully to my husband but if I have a different opinion than him, he takes it as I don’t love him or I’m not submitting to him. I’ve tried to explain that I do love him but he refuses to listen. There’s a history of emotional, verbal and spiritual abuse from him. He’s also had a couple emotional affairs. I’ve gone to get Biblical counseling and he refuses to go. I don’t want to separate from him but I also don’t want to condone or enable more abuse or to his controlling tendencies. I would greatly appreciate prayer for wisdom and protection from decisions God would not want us to move forward with. Thank you!! It’s just so hard to trust sometimes!

    1. Amy,

      It is great to hear from you, my dear sister! 🙂 Since I want to understand very clearly, would you be willing to share your definition of how you shared respectfully about your opinions? And would you be able to elaborate a bit (generally) about your definition of emotional, spiritual, and verbal abuse from him? These are important words and so many people have such differences in their definitions. I want to be sure I am on the same page and understanding correctly before responding. 🙂 thanks for your patience!

      He has repented of the emotional affairs? How long ago was that? Are either of you dealing with uncontrolled mental illness, addictions, unrepentant sin, or do either of you have a history of being abused in the past by someone else?

      What have your counselors recommended that you do?

      How is your walk with Christ going?

      What do you desire in your relationship with God?

      Unfortunately, there are some people who believe that respect and biblical submission mean that a wife must always agree with her husband. I do not believe that is scriptural. You are welcome to search my home page for:
      – disrespect
      – respect
      – spiritual authority
      – biblical submission is not passivity
      – biblical submission does not = the husband is always right
      – the pendulum effect
      – doormat
      – agree
      – conflict
      – confronting our husbands about their sin
      – a husband’s and a wife’s authority in marriage

      Please prayerfully weigh anything I or anyone else say against Scripture and seek to please, obey, and honor Christ far above anything or anyone else in this life.

      I am honored to walk this road beside you.

      Much love!

      1. Yes, I can elaborate more on what I feel is emotional, spiritual and verbal abuse from him. When I have expressed my feelings and thoughts on the subject of moving, my husband quickly gets defensive and immediately tells me all my reasons are “stupid and make no sense.”

        Some of my reasons for not wanting to move besides loving our house and community where we live are: we’re close to both sides of our family (I love going to my parents and in laws houses for dinners, it’s nice having them close by to babysit our children, I have a great support group of Christian friends right in my neighborhood, our community is known for its safety and security, the schools are great, close to excellent doctors and hospitals, etc.) I’ve presented my thoughts to him with a nice tone of voice, and stay calm even when he freaks out. I’m not saying I’m perfect, but I do my best to always answer gently. I pray for wisdom before I speak and what to say and how to say it.

        Unfortunately, if I don’t agree with my husband 100%, then he truly believes I’m not being submissive or loving. It boggles my mind that he believes that. That’s where the spiritual abuse comes in. Almost everyday he preaches to me about wives being submissive and the only reason there’s divorces in this world is because the wives aren’t submitting to their husbands. Wow!!! He will go on and on to the point where I can’t even think straight anymore or clearly express my thoughts to him. But then again, why should I because he doesn’t respect my opinions at all.

        He immediately gets defensive. He’ll twist scripture to have it say what he wants to say. So I’ve been praying that the Holy Spirit will do His work in My husband. I know I’m not his Holy Spirit. All I can do is pray. He’s emotionally abusive by telling me my family doesn’t love me, but I know they do love me unconditionally! He’s very insecure for some reason and I don’t know why. He won’t admit it and when he has gone to counseling a couple of times, the counsellors will point out where he’s wrong in his thinking, he’ll listen for a few minutes, then quickly get defensive and stop listening. Now he refuses to go altogether. It’s a pride problem and he’s admitted that but he truly believes that if I just submit (his definition of submission), then everything will be fine.

        In his world, it would be fine because he’d be getting everything he wanted. I believe he’s repented of the emotional affair, but he blames it on me. He says it was because I wasn’t listening to him. I’ve always listened to him, again, it’s his definition of listening – I will move with him and my opinions don’t matter because he’s the head of our household. I feel like in our case it’s a fine line between emotional abuse and submission. It’s my only desire to live my life in a way that I hear “well done my good and faithful servant” someday. I want to please the Lord.

        My husband’s walk with the Lord seems immature. There’s no mental illness that I have or that runs in my family. There could be on my husband’s side but he of course denies it. Trust me, I would love to be slipping a little something something in his Cheerios each morning! 😉 I’m sorry this is so long. Just trying to give a general idea of what’s going on.

        On top of all this he’s very disrespectful to both sides of parents and it’s only because they don’t agree with him 100%. It’s just hard. God has been teaching me not to make my marriage an idol. My marriage isn’t meant to make me happy, but more like Christ. I’m praying for protection in that I don’t want our kids learning that marriage should be what my husband is wanting it to be. I want to teach them how God intended it to be. Again, there’s that fine line, do I love and sacrifice like Christ or do I separate to create a crisis wake up call type situation?

        Prayers for wisdom, protection, strength, and that God would be glorified through this. It’s only Him that will get to my husband, because he’s not listening to anyone else. Thanks for “listening” to and praying for me!!

        1. Amy,
          Thank you this is helpful. You know, I am sure it would be rather soul crushing to have a husband who preaches submission to you every day or who uses it for selfish purposes. 🙁 That is heartbreaking to me! God’s design for authority, according to Jesus, is that whoever wants to be greatest among you should be the least and should be the servant of all.

          How long has this been going on? Did you know these were his views before you married? Did y’all have any godly counseling before marriage? Where do you believe he got this idea? Do y’all go to a church that teaches this?

          Did he go through some kind of trauma or abuse in childhood?

          What was his parents’ marriage like (the general dynamics, was one spouse more dominating and one passive)?

          What was your parents’ marriage like?

          Have you ever experienced any other kind of abuse from anyone?

          What do you desire in your relationship with God?

          Is your husband willing to read any books with you on biblical manhood and womanhood or watch David Platt’s Secret Church series on the topic?

          I do pray with you for God to work in your husband’s heart for him to be Spirit-filled, and for him to love you and your family with the love of Christ. I also pray for your continued healing and refining and that God might use you to be a godly example, a Spirit-filled, beautiful, peaceful, faithful, example of a believer living wholeheartedly for Christ.

          Have you ever read Sacred Influence by Gary Thomas?

          Much love to you!

          1. Thank you so much!! I greatly appreciate your prayers and love through this!!
            Our church does not preach the submission my husband believes in. Both sets of parents are still together. My husband’s father was domineering for the first few years of their marriage, then did a complete 180 and lived out true Biblical marriage. It took his mom standing up for herself and the truth of God’s Word. My parents live out a great example of Biblical marriage as well. My husband was hit one time pretty hard by his father out of anger when he was a young child. His father has asked for his forgiveness a few times for that situation. Unfortunately my husband does have a problem with bitterness and unforgiveness towards anyone who mistreats him in any way. So it could stem all the way back to that incident. He has taken on an attitude where he believes the whole world is against him and he’s the victim. So he spouts off his submissive speeches to me, I believe to make himself feel better and feel in charge. I tell him that I’ve always looked to him as the head of our household and that I’m not trying to take the lead. And that sharing my opinions about things is not me trying to take the lead away from him. This has been going on for 10 years. I tried getting help right away. I continue to seek Biblical counseling. He showed NO signs of this before we were married.
            I have read Sacred Influence and will read it again. I’ve been praying about reading Love and Respect with him but he hates reading, so we’ll see. I’d appreciate prayer for cooperation with that as well. 🙂
            I desire a right and close relationship with the Lord. Couldn’t imagine going through this without Him!!

            1. Amy,

              That is really interesting about your husband’s father. Was your husband old enough to remember what his dad was like before he changed?

              How I wish every wife and husband would focus on their own responsibilities and obedience to God instead of trying to change the other. Marriages would be much better! But you cannot force him to stop the speeches. You can certainly respectfully ask – which you may have already done. But only God can open his eyes and change his perspective and his heart.

              Has his dad every talked with him about being a godly husband and not being controlling and dominating, to your knowledge?

              Does he understand that you are willing to honor his leadership but that you desire to have a voice, to know he hears your concerns, and to share your influence? I wonder if you might be able to respectfully share about positional authority and influence authority with him from this post if God leads you to?

              What does your counselor suggest you do?

              So surprising that this did not happen until later in the marriage? Was there some trigger that you can think of? A book? A friend? A sermon? Someone’s divorce?

              I pray especially for your walk with Christ to grow stronger and stronger so that you will be completely filled up with God’s Spirit, His wisdom, and His power to know how to approach your husband and to trust God to work in your husband. I have many posts here about growing in your relationship with Christ and will do all I can to point you to Jesus and to the healing that is available in Him.

              We lift up this precious couple whom You dearly love to Your throne room in the highest heavens. We know that this husband is not the enemy. We know Satan has plans to destroy this marriage and to create a warped and destructive picture of Christ and the church in this marriage that is hurtful. But we pray against his plans and his snares and lies and pray for Your truth and healing to prevail for both this husband and wife individually and together as a couple.
              In the Name and power of Christ,

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