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Patience

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A comment on this week’s post about the importance of patience as we learn to be content with what we have – really struck a chord with me. I used to be possibly one of the most impatient people on the planet at times. My time frame was in seconds, minutes and hours. That is when I wanted things to happen. NOW!

When I prayed for God to make Greg pray with me many years ago – I was ANGRY at God when Greg didn’t pray with me that night. And when I prayed for a job for Greg and it took 6 years for him to get an engineering job in town, that was NOT my time frame whatsoever. And when Greg and his dad were working on renovating our house and they said the whole house would be done in 6 months and I (generously) gave them a year in my mind – I was VERY upset when it took 4.5 years (and there are still 3 rooms that are not done and haven’t even been touched.  Of course, now I don’ t care if they are ever renovated. I’m totally content with them being 50 years old and pretty imperfect).

I can remember times that Greg would go outside that first year of renovations and he was cutting vines off of the fence in the back yard. I would march out to demand that he stop cutting the stupid vines and go finish the house! How was the house going to be done in “6 months” if he was out here “wasting precious time” cutting vines off the fence??!?!?!

Years later, Greg shared with me, when he was frustrated, he would go cut vines. He needed time to think through things and work through problems and that was how he did it.  Ugh. I feel so awful about my demands and disrespect back then. All I cared about was I wanted it all done ASAP!!!!!!!! My timing and what I wanted was all that mattered to me back then. 🙁

I believe God used those years of renovations to teach me quite a bit of patience. I had to learn to live in total chaos, mess, dust and disorder which ran completely counter to my perfectionism and my desire for our house to look “perfect” all the time. I had to learn to be patient when projects took 10 times longer than I expected them to take. I had to learn that stuff wasn’t that important and wasn’t what made a house a home – the people in the house are what make it “home.”

I read James 1 with our children this morning. I never get tired of reading Scripture – and this passage speaks to me so clearly every time I read it:

2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

Trials, all kinds of trials ,test our faith – financial hardships, family trouble, spiritual problems, health problems, natural disasters, people’s sin against us, war, delays, accidents, conflicts, backed up plumbing, work problems, unemployment…  All the problems we face are tools in the hands of God to chisel and refine us and to make us more godly and holy in His sight.

Trials reveal our sin. They bring to light our true motives. They expose our deepest priorities. They show our real character.

As we are tested and our faith and character is refined, we develop greater godly character and we develop perseverance.

PERSEVERANCE (from www.dictionary.com):

  • steady persistence in a course of action, a purpose, a state, etc., especially in spite of difficulties, obstacles, or discouragement.

Perseverance works in us to create spiritual maturity and to equip us to be holy and complete in Christ. These goals are much more important to God than our temporary happiness. He wants us to be mature and complete, lacking nothing in Him. He wants us to be equipped and totally ready for spiritual battle. He wants us to be like Christ.

What trials are you facing today?

My prayer is that we might look at our current trials and rejoice in God about them! Let’s anticipate how God plans to use these trials to lead us to greater Christlikeness and maturity.

PATIENCE (www.dictionary.com):

1. the quality of being patient, as the bearing of provocation, annoyance, misfortune, or pain, without complaint, loss of temper, irritation, or the like.
2. an ability or willingness to suppress restlessness or annoyance when confronted with delay: to have patience with a slow learner.
3. quiet, steady perseverance; even-tempered care; diligence: to work with patience.

Impatience leads me to so many sins:

  • a desire to control things myself and force things to happen “my way”
  • anger – which leads to my temper flaring and me losing self-control with my words, actions, motives, thoughts, tone of voice and body language
  • lack of faith in God
  • complaining
  • lack of gratitude
  • arguing
  • disobedience
  • pride – thinking my timing is better than God’s

When I am patient, I don’t have to vie for control or try to force things to happen sooner or try to make things turn out the way I think they should. I seek God’s will above my own and I wait on Him in total faith and trust.

Patience is an attribute of God. It is part of the fruit of the Holy Spirit in our lives. It is also something we learn as we pass through trials and as we spiritually mature. Patience is a huge key to peace. If I am impatient, and I demand what I want NOW, I cannot have the peace of God. I cannot be content with what God has provided for me. I cannot have a thankful, joyful spirit and not have patience. It’s fine for me to desire things intensely – particularly things that God desires to happen – someone’s salvation, reconciliation of a marriage, many to come to Christ, our children to be godly people, etc… But then, we can lay these desires and burdens at God’s feet and wait patiently before the Lord, trusting His sovereignty and His timing to be much more wise than our own.

When I have patience, I am able to joyfully wait on God. I am able to joyfully be content with what I have. I am able to relinquish control, trusting God’s sovereignty. I am able to respect God and my husband because I know that God is ultimately going to work out all things for my good, to make me more like Jesus, so I don’t have to freak out when things don’t seem to be going “right.” I am able to be thankful to God, have a heart full of praise for God and I don’t feel any need to grumble, argue or complain. I wait expectantly before God with great faith and anticipation of all that He is going to do in my life and through this hardship. This brings great glory to our Father in heaven and to Christ as our husbands, children, coworkers, neighbors and family members watch us respond with patience, joy, faith, thanksgiving, praise, peace and contentment in the midst of our struggles and trials – they will be confused and curious and they will want to experience the power of the God who can produce this beautiful fruit in our souls in times of great crisis.

Others will pay so much more attention to our faith and our testimony when we are speaking from the midst of a fiery trial. Our words have infinitely more weight and impact when we continue on in faith, joy, hope, peace, love, kindness, patience and gentleness during our fiercest storms.

What does God’s Word say about patience?

A person’s wisdom yields patience; it is to one’s glory to overlook an offense. Proverbs 19:11

Through patience a ruler can be persuaded, and a gentle tongue can break a bone. Proverbs 25:15

We do not want you to become lazy, but to imitate those who through faith and patience inherit what has been promised. Hebrews 6:12

19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God. 22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit. Galatians 5

Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.  It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs.  Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. I Corinthians 13:4-8a

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity. Colossians 3:12-13

3 We put no stumbling block in anyone’s path, so that our ministry will not be discredited. 4 Rather, as servants of God we commend ourselves in every way: in great endurance; in troubles, hardships and distresses; 5 in beatings, imprisonments and riots; in hard work, sleepless nights and hunger; 6 in purity, understanding, patience and kindness; in the Holy Spirit and in sincere love; 7 in truthful speech and in the power of God; with weapons of righteousness in the right hand and in the left; 8 through glory and dishonor, bad report and good report; genuine, yet regarded as impostors; 9 known, yet regarded as unknown; dying, and yet we live on; beaten, and yet not killed; 10 sorrowful, yet always rejoicing; poor, yet making many rich; having nothing, and yet possessing everything. II Corinthians 6

44 thoughts on “Patience

  1. Wonderfully wise as always 🙂

    I definitely was an impatient person. I still am in some areas. I hate being late or people running late when they are meant to meet me.

    I think the big thing that you hit on was we can’t be content and certainly aren’t being led by the spirit when we are impatient. We do lose on precious things we only get when we have to wait: time; wisdom; strength; resolve; determination; faith; trust; and anticipation.

    1. GWTB,
      So true!!!!

      I have to take a deep breath if we are running late and remind myself that it is not going to help anyone for me to raise my voice at my children – that won’t get us there faster. Yep, if I am going to act out sinfully, it is when we are running late. But it is so not worth it for me to lose my temper. That doesn’t make us get there any sooner and it hurts my sweet children.

      Thank you for sharing!

    2. Dear Peacefulwife

      Thank you for this post. I have been following your blog for about 6 months. It has meant so much to me more and more lately as certain things in my marriage seem to be coming to a stalemate.

      I think the key to this is surrender, and trusting the Lord, that He is bigger than little situations and the need to control. This is actually just what I needed to hear today and am grateful to the Lord for the way he works things out!

      Something that I feel so strongly about is that in our culture today and in our upbringing respecting husbands, patience, surrender etc are so foreign and are not done. This is the real issue I feel. It just feels so hard to me and goes against everything we have been conditioned to do and taught. The scripture about older women and men teaching the younger women and men… this is not done and celebrated in our Churches and communities. So we are fighting against the pull of the world. The prince of this world goes against the Lord and has blinded us to the truth. Since women are often so strong willed and emotional these things that the Lord teaches us in scripture ‘feel’ wrong. They resist having to be the ones to make the change.

      I bless the Lord for you blog. I have been married for 12 years and because of various circumstances in our lives I have never has sisters to share with. I dont have a sister and could not discuss these things with my mother. I also never wanted to gossip and speak about my husbands shortcomings it was difficult to share with anyone. So bitterness does trickle in when one walks alone with the Lord, without realising it. I do need sisterly encouragement. I have cried out to the Lord for so long for that. So I always used to speak to my husband about what I was struggling with which came across as disrespectful and seemed as though I was pinpointing his faults. Anyway, I have to trust that in the Lords wisdom He has worked our lives out in this way for a reason. That is why I find the blog encouraging, even if I cant just speak about little things and have godly council. In this I also have to be patient!

      1. Kathryn,
        I pray you will find godly counsel and encouragement and support from other wives here. 🙂

        Yes, our obedience to God to be the godly women and wives He calls us to be goes absolutely against our culture, many of our families examples and our own sinful nature. So, it is quite a battle. That is why it is my prayer that God might raise up at least one couple in every church of His around the world who understands what it means to truly submit to and obey Christ and who can demonstrate and teach by example to the other couples in the church. 🙂

        Much love!

        1. Yes that would be great. It can also be a prayer of ours. That we would surrender control and allow the Lord to work His full work in us so that we can be examples.

          Thank you April.

  2. Thank you for this reminder April! God spoke through you in my situation this morning.Yesterday I was dealing with financial stress, a broken refrigerator and a tornado warning all in one day.I was dealing with this and going back and forth between not handling things well(being panicked and in self pity) and then praying and trusting Jesus.
    I will remember these verses and get my husband/children to remind me of them the next time trials come. Prayer is to react more consistently and quickly with patience and peace.

    1. Blessed,
      Wow,
      You definitely had some tests yesterday! I am glad you are all ok!

      Praying for you to be able to abide in Christ and be filled with His spirit to have the power to face the storms and trials with faith, trust, gentleness, self-control and peace. 🙂

  3. One of the aspects that I truly appreciate in your posts is your methodology. You state and are open about how you struggled with a sin or wrong behaviour, so that we can relate, and then you lovingly and gently ‘lead’ us to how that is wrong in God’s eyes, and you give us a thorough list of scriptural support to back up your advice/correction.

    This post has addressed a longtime struggle for me, and your reminder is God’s continued motivation to keep perservering! I do believe as I get older, it’s been easier to be patient but the ‘efficiency expert/engineer’ in me sees so many ways where tme is lost: in traffic, cleaning the house, keeping the kitchen clean while making dinner, folding sheets, getting ready for church on Sunday, working on a construction project… The BIG one is being late, but that’s not related to the ‘efficiency expert/engineer’ in me, that’s because my mother used to be late almost every day in picking us up from school! Invariably, we were the last kids to be picked up. I didn’t like that at all! My sweet mother is still late to everything and we’ve all grown to love that about her!

    1. My mother is always late too. When one of my sisters was getting married, my mother’s invitation had an earlier time on it than all the others. 🙂

    2. Senterwife,
      It is certainly easy to give in to impatience – especially with our husbands and children. I’m very thankful that God gives us the power of Christ to have victory over sin and temptation! WOOOHOO!

      For me, I have to watch my motives and also look at what my purpose is here on earth – to bring glory to God, to love and obey Him and to love others. It helps me keep focus if I remind myself of that. And if I slip, which I do at times (particularly with my children, if I am going to lose patience that is where it will be these days) – I repent and then refocus and get up and keep going.
      I seek to speak in a pleasant, gentle, friendly tone of voice. Sometimes, if I realize I might lose my patience, I whisper or start singing what I was going to say. That seems to help me avoid losing my temper and helps me refocus on Christ many times. 🙂

      I hate being late, too! But I have to remind myself that I can’t change it if we are late and I am not helping by being full of resentment or bitterness about it. So, if we are late, I try to just embrace it and move past it.

      Much love!

  4. AMEN! WOW! and AMEN!!!!!!

    Thanks for the post. Patience is CRUCIAL! I never thought about how people are watching how one ‘is going thru.’ I just happen to be ‘in the furnace’ and I don’t think I am doing good =(. It has drawn me closer to HIm. I am praying, asking for prayer,studying His word and reading sound books on prayer, God’s sovreignty and love, sound spiritual warfare, the Holy Spirit and trying to stay healthy. Some trials can drain you physically to the nth degree!

  5. I know others have heard this before but I started asking myself, will this matter one day, week, year, 5 years from now? Often I would get so upset about something I wanted done and cause a huge 2 day fight only not to be able to even recall quickly what it was about a week later. Now isn’t that sad?
    God has shown me a relative recently who always wants things their way, right now! It is very unattractive and has open my eyes to what it must be like to be on the receiving end of that behavior.
    It has taken so much stress off of me just to let go of things and let my husband control when to do them. And guess what? ….the world didn’t go to pot because it wasn’t done on my time schedule. 🙂

    1. DaisyMae,

      Oh! It is painful to see someone else who has the same weaknesses/sins we do, isn’t it?? We can get a big taste of how unattractive our sin is that way. Kind of like looking in a mirror.

      I love your filter of looking at things now. Thank you so much for sharing!

  6. This post really hits me hard today. My husband left me almost a year ago, and I just feel stuck. We’re both Christians, but his heart is very hard and although he says he doesn’t want a divorce, he also rarely speaks to me and refuses to get help or counseling. I don’t want a divorce, but living this way is so dysfunctional and painful. I know many of you are in similar situations, any input? Thanks!

    1. Hi Sis!

      Focus on God and your relationship to Him. God CAN and WILL heal you. Praying for you. You are NOT alone. HE is with you in this trial (remeber the fourth man in the fiery furnace). Sadly, many saints are going thru similar situations. Reach out to some sound Godly women for prayer. Talk to your pastor. also, check out the RespectedHusband blog as well as this blog. Both have encouraged my soul in this journey.

      1. I agree to focus on God. I think it may be a long road of recovery and restitution. But I always find comfort in the words… Seek First the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness and ALL these things will be added unto you!. Jeremiah 29: 9-11… don’t forget the part about seeking Him with all your heart.:-)

        I am also struggling with issues in my marraige and am just leaning on the word. Various situations are highlighting MY shortcomings, pride, weaknesses. Just when I thought I had given up everything! (We move around a lot and over the years have got rid of everything, The Lord led us along the road to simplify). So seeking and PATIENCE is the key. He will work all for those who love him.

        I have also had to come to the place where I realised or was challenged to suffer through this for the sake of my husband and my girls. Jesus laid down His life and He said no greater love has any man than this, to lay down his life for a friend. I choose to lay mine down for my family whom I love.

        1. Nelpam,
          Thank you for sharing your heart and what you are learning! I love what Jesus is doing in you. I pray for His healing, wisdom, power and His greatest glory in your life and your marriage and family. Much love to you!

    2. I’m so sorry to hear that. I can only imagine how much pain you are in. I agree that handing it over to our Father is the best option. Focus on your own walk, because you can’t control your husband. Completely surrender all to Him. I will be praying for you! Sending you a big hug!

    3. andra_sn5, I was separated for a long time too and it was very hard. I am praying for you. Here is a website that may help you. It is about standing for your marriage. Read the testimony of the founders. The things she did helped bring her husband back home. Does he come over at all? Could you have dinner ready when he suppose to come and ask him to stay. Don’t talk about problems, just act like nothing is wrong. Maybe he would be drawn to your peaceful, kind spirit.
      http://rejoiceministries.org/whois.html

    4. Andra_sn5,

      Please check out (search my home page for)
      a peaceful separated wife
      a peaceful divorced wife
      and look up “storm”

      Also, I Peter 3:1-6 and Romans 12:9-21 as well as I Corinthians 13:4-8 and Galatians 5:22-23 offer you so much power to bring healing into this situation.

      How do you try to communicate to him?

      What do you say when you feel neglected and abandoned?

      Has he said why he left?

      Much love to you! Praying for God to use this for His glory and your greatest ultimate good.

      I encourage you to listen to as many David Platt sermons at http://www.radical.net as you can. 🙂

  7. Dear Peacefulwife
    Thank you for this post. I have been following your blog for about 6 months. It has meant so much to me more and more lately as certain things in my marriage seem to be coming to a stalemate.
    I think the key to this is surrender, and trusting the Lord, that He is bigger than little situations and the need to control. This is actually just what I needed to hear today and am grateful to the Lord for the way he works things out!
    Something that I feel so strongly about is that in our culture today and in our upbringing respecting husbands, patience, surrender etc are so foreign and are not done. This is the real issue I feel. It just feels so hard to me and goes against everything we have been conditioned to do and taught. The scripture about older women and men teaching the younger women and men… this is not done and celebrated in our Churches and communities. So we are fighting against the pull of the world. The prince of this world goes against the Lord and has blinded us to the truth. Since women are often so strong willed and emotional these things that the Lord teaches us in scripture ‘feel’ wrong. They resist having to be the ones to make the change.
    I bless the Lord for you blog. I have been married for 12 years and because of various circumstances in our lives I have never has sisters to share with. I dont have a sister and could not discuss these things with my mother. I also never wanted to gossip and speak about my husbands shortcomings it was difficult to share with anyone. So bitterness does trickle in when one walks alone with the Lord, without realising it. I do need sisterly encouragement. I have cried out to the Lord for so long for that. So I always used to speak to my husband about what I was struggling with which came across as disrespectful and seemed as though I was pinpointing his faults. Anyway, I have to trust that in the Lords wisdom He has worked our lives out in this way for a reason. That is why I find the blog encouraging, even if I cant just speak about little things and have godly council. In this I also have to be patient!

  8. I imagine impatience is a struggle for most of us. I even get impatient over the smallest things, which deep down I know are not that big of a deal. Lately, I try to remember to keep telling myself, “It’s the little foxes that spoil the vine.” This reminds me that the enemy uses small things to get under my skin, and therefore steals my peace. If I can remember this, then it helps me to complain less and be more patient.

      1. No problem,

        BTW, Focus on the Family takes prayer request on weekdays. Their number is:

        1 (855) 771-4357

        Also, I’d recommend some sound Christian books to augment your study in His word. I unashamedly would suggest “Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts” – by Jerry Bridges – it should be on every saints bookshelf!

        I also started reading “Who’s Your Father?” -by Robert Bernecker

        both Authors are sound Godly men.

  9. Perseverance works in us to create spiritual maturity and to equip us to be holy and complete in Christ. These goals are much more important to God than our temporary happiness. He wants us to be mature and complete, lacking nothing in Him. He wants us to be equipped and totally ready for spiritual battle. He wants us to be like Christ.

    What trials are you facing today?

    My prayer is that we might look at our current trials and rejoice in God about them! Let’s anticipate how God plans to use these trials to lead us to greater Christlikeness and maturity.

    But at some point, I just don’t think I can take it anymore. I mean how many things can happen. I don’t know how you enjoy suffering instead of just crawling into bed and never coming out again.

    1. Hang in there Sis!

      You are not alone! Praying for you and all Christian marriages. He won’t give you more than you can bear. You may cry every ounce of liquid in your body…but He is there, he knows, and He cares. Just keep placing it at His feet (it doesn’t matter if you have to place it there every minute). Be sure to find some sound Godly women to pray with you.

      Here are some sound sobering comments from George Mueller that might be of encouragement:

      “Be assured, if you walk with Him and look to Him, and expect help from Him, He will never fail you.”

      “Faith does not operate in the realm of the possible. There is no glory for God in that which is humanly possible. Faith begins where man’s power ends.”

      “Faith has nothing to do with feelings or with impressions, with improbabilities or with outward experiences. If we desire to couple such things with faith, then we are no longer resting on the Word of God, because faith needs nothing of the kind. Faith rests on the naked Word of God. When we take Him at His Word, the heart is at peace.”

      “Faith is the assurance that the thing which God has said in His word is true, and that God will act according to what He has said in his word… Faith is not a matter of impressions, nor of probabilities, nor of appearances.”

      “God delights to increase the faith of His children. We ought, instead of wanting no trials before victory, no exercise for patience, to be willing to take them from God’s hands as a means. Trials, obstacles, difficulties and sometimes defeats, are the very food of faith.”

        1. Do you mean ‘none that you can truly rely on?’ God will send you a sound sister. It just might be that He really wants you to see that your prayers are effective. Hmm, I just started journaling and I am amazed (duh) at His answers!

        2. I’m praying for you Elizabeth! We are all here! We may not be local but we are all sisters nonetheless!

          Sometimes I wonder geographically how close many of us actually are. I mean if there are that many of us readers, some of us have to be closer than we know, right?. . it would be fun to have local peaceful wife meetings and share these struggles and victories together in the flesh. . . hugs are better that way, I think, anyway. . .

        1. No problem Sis! Teamwork. I pray that we will all glorify and enjoy the ‘GREAT I AM’ He is ALL. It is humbling and sobering to know that others are ‘going thru.’ It is also encouraging to know that others are ‘going thru’ with the LORD. The volume is turned WAY UP when we hurt! We need rain and sunshine to grow.

  10. Morning all. Firstly thank you to God, April and everyone that has posted. This post was exactly right for the day yesterday as I was getting frustrated that God isn’t working quickly enough in my situation (I realise how arrogant that sounds as I write it) and I tried to write a post when I first read it but reading all the posts today, I get that God’s timing is so much better than mine as if I had been able to post I might not have reread the post this morning and seen Andra’s post who is in a very similar situation to mine. I too am seperated for over a year and don’t want a divorce but my husband’s heart seems hard. He rings, we get on and then he disappears for days and through this post and others that have already been shared Here Christ has given me a strength that is not from me. Sometimes I don’t feel like thanking God in my trials but I am given hope as I heard that God uses us exactly as we are. Sending you and everyone else lots of love and hope and once again thanks to all who are courageous enough to share to create this supportive community and thanks to April for posting every day.

    1. Sarah,

      I am so sorry things are so very painful right now. How I praise God for what He is doing in your heart and I pray He will work in your husband’s heart and Andra’s husband’s heart and bring them to Christ.

      I hope you might check out David’s Platt’s sermon on finding rest for our souls, and his series on The Cross and Suffering

      http://youtu.be/eUV-gxg4Ax4

      Praying for God’s wisdom and power and transformation in your life and for you to draw nearer to Him than ever!

  11. Thanks for this perspective on patience. Six years for Greg to be an engineer, wow? I hope he had something else to fall back on during that time. That’s my trial. My husband is transitioning from leaving a full-time job with the military in 2009 to becoming a teacher, hopefully next year. Most of that time he has done nothing but collect his military pension and rack up student loan debt. He does work occasionally as a substitute teacher now, but I’m not at all patient with the limits he puts on that.

    1. Ellen,

      He worked a minimum wage job for a few years, then worked a few other jobs where he was extremely overqualified. That was a really tough process for him, much more difficult and demoralizing than I ever understood at the time.

      I pray for God’s wisdom for your husband and for you to be able to do a much better job than I did of supporting your husband during this difficult time of transition, that you might inspire and bless and encourage him instead of adding to his burden.

      Much love to you!
      April

  12. An except from Jerry Bridges book “Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts”

    I will say this next statement as gently and compassionately as I know how. Our first priority in times of adversity is to honor and glorify God by trusting Him. We tend to make our first priority the gaining of relief from our feelings of heartache or disappointment or frustration. This is a natural desire, and God has promised to give us grace sufficient for our trials and peace for our anxieties (see 2 Corinthians 12:9; Philippians 4:6-7). But just as God’s will is to take precedence over our will (in Matthew 26:39 Jesus Himself said, “Yet not as I will, but as you will”), so God’s honor is to take precedence over our feelings. We honor God by choosing to trust Him when we don’t understand what He is doing or why He has allowed some adverse circumstance to occur. As we seek God’s glory, we may be sure that He has purposed our good and that He will not be frustrated in fulfilling that purpose. A WORD OF CAUTION The material in this chapter is “tough stuff.” It should be read, studied, and prayed about when life is more or less routine. It should be stored up or hidden in our hearts (see Psalm 119:11) for the time of adversity when we must draw upon its truth. Above all, we need to be very sensitive about instructing someone else in the sovereignty of God and encouraging that person to trust God when he or she is in the midst of adversity or pain. It is much easier to trust in the sovereignty of God when it is the other person who is hurting. We need to be like Jesus, of whom it was said, “A bruised reed he will not break” (Matthew 12:20). Let us not be guilty of breaking a bruised reed (a heavy heart) by insensitive treatment of the heavy doctrine of the sovereignty of God.

  13. I recently found your blog and as a newlywed I was immediately captured by your ideas. I just got my copy of Surrenered Wife and Respect Dare. I’m writing this with some hope that someone shares my situation. I am longing to give up financial responsibility to my husband like the boom sugeests. I have asked my husband ,ultiple times to combine accounts but he just want me to pay my bills and doesn’t want my money is his account. I’m not worried AT ALL of him being secretive I have access to all our financials obsessively checking them all the time. He’s a good man. But it is a burden to me. Today I started to change our bills and my paycheck to his account but I feel like I’m burdening him with what he doesn’t want, I’m afraid I’m disrespecting him…..help??
    I long to give him control, I’ve realized how much I’ve tried to dictate everything and I’m tired and become grouchy and worn out. Are there any other books that address this? I love Surrendered Wife but I feel like its written to a woman who is resistant to the idea.

    1. Glenn,

      It’s great to meet you! 🙂
      I have several posts about how different wives have handled this issue.

      Please search “finances” and “money” on my home page and read the posts that come up.

      I don’t think it would be respectful to force things on him. But, you may find inspiration – I believe there are 4 posts altogether about this issue.

      Let me know if you need any further ideas!

      with love,
      April

  14. Dear April,

    Please pray for me and my husband. Although we do not live in Russia, both our jobs depend on it, and we got hit pretty badly because of the crisis. My husband handles this pretty good, but I am quite worried as we have several financial commitments. I try trusting the Lord, but at times I get really angry and annoyed 🙁

    1. Anna,

      Let’s lift up your situation to God together right now!

      Lord,
      We thank and praise You that You are sovereign even over the problems in Russia and all over the world right now. We thank You that You are sovereign over Anna and her husband. We thank You that You know their needs and that You are able to provide for them. We rest in Your love, protection, and sovereignty and trust You to provide for Anna and her husband. Please help her to focus on You rather than the situation and thank You that You are able to cause good to come from this for Your glory and to refine, purify, and strengthen Anna’s faith. Help her to use this time of trial to seek You more than ever and let her grow in her faith and in spiritual maturity according to Your good purposes.
      In the Name and power of Christ,
      Amen!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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