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Waiting Becomes Sweet – from the Archives

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April 04-2014

If you have read many of my previous posts – you will know that I was the dominant twin in a set of identical twins (I still am a twin!  But – not so domineering anymore. I seek to give my wonderful sister room and space to make all of their own decisions without my “help” now).  I am a pharmacist (working 1/2-1 day/week now).  I usually made all As in school and college and I had to have HIGH As.  I tended to be a perfectionist – to the point I would make myself sick over my grades.  And I am probably a bit OCD – not that you’d be able to tell if you saw my house right now.  But I like ZERO clutter.  I love not seeing a lot of junk around the house and get a real high from getting rid of stuff and having glorious free space.  I am a type A, go-getter.  I know what I want and I know it immediately.  I know how to get what I want (or at least I think I do!).  I don’t wait around – I do it and get it done!

 

Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord. Psalm 27:15

 

LEARNING TO WAIT

Two months before Greg and I really hit our stride with me figuring out respect and stepping down out of the way for him to lead – I had an important conversation with God.  Not a fun one, but a necessary one.

I like to MOVE.  I like to GO.  I like to feel like I am making progress.  I like to travel at 100 mph and feel like I am doing something “useful for God.”  I used to try to drag my husband along.  Turns out that doesn’t work!  At all.  So I finally just stopped in July of 2010 (after I had been studying respect and submission for about a year and a half) and said:

Ok, God.  I can see that I have been running way ahead of You.  Again.  Like usual.  I want SO much to do great things for You!  I want to serve You in BIG ways!  I want to give all of myself to You and do important things in Your kingdom!  But right now, my husband doesn’t seem interested in that stuff.  I can’t make him want to give to orphans or adopt children or move to Africa to be missionaries.  And maybe it’s not my job to try to lead him like I have been trying to do.  I’ve been going about this all wrong.  He’s supposed to be in charge spiritually, not me.  I’m afraid if he’s in charge, we will never go anywhere.  But You are clearly showing me that You want him in charge, not me.  Maybe there are worse things than us going nowhere.

Ok, God.  I am going to stop running ahead.  I am going to stop trying to force things to happen the way I think they should.  I am going to (gasp! – cringe!!!) WAIT.  I am going to wait right here geographically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually until You direct me to move.  I want to do things Your way now.  I am going to listen to my husband.  I am going to trust that You will lead me through him.  So I will take his direction as if it was coming from Your very lips.  And if he is leading and  doesn’t direct me to go anywhere – I am going to sit right here, waiting on You and waiting on him until I am 80 years old if I have to.  That will be ok.  I want what You want.  I want it in Your time and Your way.  I will wait on You. 

I trust You to lead me through my husband.  And if we don’t go anywhere, and that is Your will for me – then I will accept that.”

A NEW BEGINNING

This was not an easy conversation for me to have with God.  But I knew I had to do it His way.

So I was still.

I waited on God.

I quit running way ahead.

Within 2 months, Greg and I had a HUGE breakthrough in our marriage that tore down the remaining walls of disrespect and misunderstanding and we have not had another significant disagreement or misunderstanding since then to date!?!?  We’ve had a few tiny bumps, but they last for about an hour or less and we are able to resolve things right away and everything is right again.

Things began to change RAPIDLY.  But the funny thing was – I was still.  I was at peace.  I was patient….  Maybe you don’t know me very well so that doesn’t really have the impact that it should so I just have to reiterate… I was patient!  ME!?!?  It was a supernatural God kind of patience and a supernatural God kind of peace I had never known before just swept over my soul, took up residence and has been camping here with me all day every day since then. And I LOVE it!

I sat still.  I waited.  Nothing horrible happened.  The world did not collapse or spin off of its axis.

I saw God change our marriage.  I saw God change my husband.  My passive, unplugged husband who seemed miles away emotionally and spiritually for so long began to revive, plug in and draw close to me – and to God.  He began to be the man I fell in love with again.  He started looking at me and smiling at me again.  He started to care about my feelings again.  He began to want to do something to help me if I was sad (which wasn’t nearly as often anymore!).  And he loves to see me happy more than anything.  I watched God transform him and make him blossom into a godly leader, a man of initiative, a man of conviction, courage, integrity, selflessness and a man who would lay down his life for me and our children.  Sometimes it was little steps, and sometimes it was BIG leaps and bounds that would take my breath completely away. Each day held its own new surprises.

A NEW WAY OF LIFE

Instead of me deciding how things would go and steamrolling my husband with how things would be,  I began to tell God and my husband what I wanted and how I felt and then leaving things in their hands.  And I was at peace!??!!?  It was CRAZY!  And WONDERFUL!  Who knew this was possible!?!?!  I sure didn’t before. The more I understood God’s sovereignty, the more I could just sit back, praise God, praise my husband, rest in God’s love, rest in my husband’s love and wait with excitement and anticipation to see what they worked out between the two of them.  Even when things looked scary, I had faith and trust in them and depended on them to make the decisions that were in our family’s best interests.  And they did.

WHILE I WAIT

I do a lot of praying, reading scripture, studying about God’s design for marriage, godly femininity and family.  I have my ears open for God’s voice all through each day, looking for opportunities He gives me to share His love and truth with others.  Each day just brims over with opportunities.  I sing praises to God out loud while I clean – instead of worrying obsessively like I used to.  I sing praises to God in my heart while I drive or work.  I think of things to write on my blog instead of constantly trying to figure out how to lead the family like I used to. I think of things to thank God for about Himself and about my husband and my life.  I dwell on the good things.  I am full of hope, joy, peace and faith.  I pray for others continually.  But I am not carrying the weight of the outcome like I used to try to do.

It is a busy life, an active life, but a peaceful and still one at the same time.  And I truly have a gentle, peaceful, quiet spirit that does not give way to fear every day – because God has given it to me!  What a precious gift!  He gives good gifts to His children!!

THE DESTINATION ISN’T THE BIGGEST THING

The waiting is about enjoying and savoring the journey.  It reminds me of when Greg took me to Colorado for our 10th anniversary in 2004.  I LOVE travelling with my husband and exploring new places.  We would drive and explore different mountain ranges all day and find a hotel on the GPS each night around supper time and stay somewhere spontaneously.  I didn’t know exactly where he would take me.  Everything was a surprise and an adventure.  We enjoyed each moment. We talked and laughed and looked at God’s beautiful creation with wide-eyed wonder.  We savored our relationship and the lazy time together.  When our flight was delayed and we ended up staying an extra day – we revelled in the chance to be together alone a little bit longer before heading back to see our sweet baby boy.  We used the time of waiting to focus on our intimacy, our relationship, our love for each other.  What a great way to use waiting time!  Then you are not just wasting time, you are LIVING!

That is how I view waiting with my husband and God now.

  • I am relishing being in their presence.
  • I am savoring the relationship.
  • I want to know both of them more.
  • I want to be one with them.
  • They are in charge of the destination.
  • I am just enjoying the ride and soaking up all the attention, love, adoration and unity.

It is romantic, exciting, and every day is an adventure because I am no longer in control!  God and my husband love to surprise and delight me.  And I adore all that they do for me and thank them for what they do. What freedom!  What weight has been lifted from my shoulders!  I LOVE NOT TRYING TO BE IN CONTROL!!!!!!!!  I LOVE GOD AND MY HUSBAND BEING IN CONTROL!   It is the most wonderful experience I have ever had.  I never want to go back to the old way.

I have to share this with other wives!  It is TOO WONDERFUL to keep to myself!

Lord,

I pray You will help each of us to wait on You and enjoy serving, praising and trusting You while we wait!  Let us have a deeply intimate relationship with You and our husbands.  Let us be women of great peace, with gentle and still spirits that do not give way to fear.  Let us trust completely in You and let our husbands see our faith in them.  Inspire us to be the women You long for us to be and let our husbands be the men You long for them to be.  Let us raise our children to know and love You and to be faithful servants of Christ!

Amen!!

 

FINDING REST FOR OUR SOULS IN CHRIST – David Platt

– We give all of our sin to Him.

– He gives us FULL pardon.

– We give Him all of our inability to obey God.

– He gives us all of His ability to obey God.

35 thoughts on “Waiting Becomes Sweet – from the Archives

  1. April, this is a wonderful testimony and very encouraging! If it happened to you, it should happen to me and all the other wives that follow your blog! Can you imagine the legacy we would all leave being gentle and with quiet and still spirits with our families and those we come in contact with!

    1. Senterwife,

      Yes, I absolutely CAN imagine that legacy and the way God desires to use us – this very group of women – to radically impact the world for Him and His kingdom and spread His good news far and wide. 🙂 That is my fervent prayer every day.

  2. Thanks for sharing April.
    I could feel the excitement and joy bubbling forth with each sentence.

    I want that to be my story too. I want to be able to let God take control. I want that peace that surpasses all understanding. I want my husband to lead our family in God’s ways…
    I want a lot but my God is a big God and if I’m willing to obey Him I believe He can change these things and make it a marriage that glorifies Him!!!

    1. Godlywifetobe,
      We will pray for these things together. 🙂 our God is able. And He is so very powerful, not to mention – sovereign. :). I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for your walk with Himself. Much love!

      April

  3. Right on time as usual! 🙂 I have one aspect of our relationship that I am having a really hard time waiting on. Last night I finally just snapped and said something and of course he got mad. I have seen such a change in him and we getting along so well, I just wanted more. As soon as I saw he was getting angry I left the room and called my best friend and we talked for 3 hours about proms since that was big topic on facebook, 🙂 then I went to bed. Usually I would have continued to try to explain and turned it into a 2 day argument. So at least I did one thing right. Then this morning I read your post about waiting. I see that is exactly what I need to do…..wait on God for a break through. (Can’t say I am exactly excited about that at the moment….. :-))

    1. Daisymae,
      Waiting can seem like the worst thing ever, but when you begin to grasp God’s sovereignty and His vastly superior wisdom, it becomes increasingly obvious that when God has us wait, there is good reason and that He will use this time to deepen our faith and trust in Him and to mold us into the image of Christ as we learn to trust in the waiting and in the storms. Eventually, waiting becomes a blessing and an opportunity filled with anticipation of all that God has in store. 🙂

  4. HI APRIL, I FIND THIS MESSAGE VERY HELPFUL. RIGHT NOW I AM IN A PLACE IN MY MARRIAGE WHERE I DESIRE TO CHANGE AND WAIT PATIENTLY ON GOD, BUT IT IS A DAILY STRUGGLE. HERE IS MY SITUATION: CURRENTLY MY HUSBAND AND I ATTEND TWO SEPARATE CHURCHES, WE HAVE BEEN DOING THIS FOR OVER 6MONTHS NOW. I VISIT HIS CHURCH MORE THAN HE VISITS MINE, BUT WE BOTH HATE IT. NETHER ONE OF US ARE MEMBERS AT THE CHURCH WE ATTEND BUT I CAN SEE THAT MY HUSBAND IS STRONGLY CONSIDERING BECOMING ONE AT THE ONE HE GOES TO. THE MEMBERS THERE ARE ASKING HIM TO DO THINGS THERE AND TODAY HE IS READING THE SCRIPTURE AND NEXT WEEK HE IS GOING TO LEAD AS SONG. NOW DON’T GET ME WRONG, I LOVE THAT MY HUSBAND GOES TO CHURCH AND I WANT HIM DO WHAT GOD HAS CALLED HIM TO DO; HOWEVER I DON’T FEEL HE IS IN THE RIGHT POSITION TO LEAD IN CHURCH CONSIDERING HE DOESN’T KNOW IF HE WANTS TO BE MARRIED TO ME ANYMORE. HE EVEN WENT TO GET DIVORCE PAPERS AND THREATENS ME WITH IT OFTEN. BEFORE WE GOT MARRIED, I WAS REALLY INVOLVED IN THE CHURCH I WENT TO. I WAS AT CHURCH ALMOST 5 NIGHTS A WEEK AND I DIDN’T PLAN ON SLOWING DOWN. I WAS AN USHER, ASSISTANT TO THE PASTORS WIFE, A TEACHER, A SPEAKER, TRAINING MISSIONARY AND A YOUTH LEADER. WHEN I MET MY HUSBAND ALL OF MY WORK IN THE CHURCH BEGAN TO SLOW DOWN AND I WAS AT PEACE WITH THAT. WE GOT MARRIED AND MY HUSBAND INTRODUCED ME TO A NON-DOMINATED CHURCH WHICH IS THE ONE I ATTEND NOW. A FEW MONTHS AFTER US GOING TO THIS NON-DOMINATED CHURCH MY HUSBAND DECIDES THAT HE WANTS TO GO BACK TO THE DENOMINATION HE ATTENDED HIS WHOLE LIFE. THIS FUMES ME BECAUSE WE BOTH AGREED BEFORE MARRIAGE THAT WE WOULD LEAVE OUR OLD CHURCH AND BECOME ONE ELSEWHERE. THE REASON I AM NOT A BIG FAN OF HIS CHURCH IS BECAUSE SOME OF THEIR BELIEFS I STRONGLY DISAGREE WITH. THEY BELIEVE WOMEN SHOULD SIT DOWN AND BE SILENT DURING SUNDAY MORNING WORSHIP WHICH IS TOTAL OPPOSITE FROM WHERE I COME FROM. YES, THE MAN IS TO LEAD, BUT I AM NOT COMFORTABLE SITING AND NOT WORKING. FROM MY EXPERIENCE FROM VISITING THIS DENOMINATION I FIND THAT MOST OF THE PREACHERS TEACH THAT EVERY OTHER DENOMINATION IS GOING TO HELL AND THEY ARE THE ONLY ONES GOING TO HEAVEN. HOW CAN I FOLLOW SOMETHING THAT I STRONGLY OBJECT TO AND GOES AGAINST MY BELIEFS? SHOULD I FOLLOW MY HUSBAND EVEN WHEN I THINK HE IS BEING SELFISH? HE OFTEN SAYS THAT CHOOSING CHURCH IS A MATTER OF PREFERENCE AND THIS IS WHERE HE WANTS TO BE. BUT WHAT ABOUT SEEKING GOD ON THE MATTER? WOULDN’T GOD WHAT YOU TO CONSIDER YOUR WIFE AND THE GIFTS GOD HAS GIVEN HER TOO? I WANT TO BE OBEDIENT TO GOD, BUT I DON’T KNOW WHAT IS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. APRIL, PLEASE HELP! SOMETIMES I FIND IT HARD TO PRAY ON THIS MATTER AND NEED A SPIRITUAL SISTERS ADVICE ON THIS. I DON’T THINK MY HUSBAND IS FOLLOWING GOD, WHAT SHOULD I DO?

    1. Achangingwife,

      I am so glad to meet you! 🙂

      I assume that you want to try to heal and restore the marriage. And I assume that you want to honor and obey God. So I am going to start with these assumptions.

      God showed me the two passages about women being silent in the church and not having authority over men a year and a half ago. I had been writing posts for men and had a lot of men reading my blog, too. But God stopped me. I researched all that I could about those passages and concluded that I would obey God, even though it is not popular today. How can I disobey my Lord? Jesus says “if anyone loves Me, he will obey Me…. Anyone who does not obey me does not love Me.” My understanding is that silence doesn’t mean total absolute silence in church, but that she does not get up to speak as a teacher or one in authority, but there are those who interpret the passage to mean total silence.

      I believe that scripture is very clear about what you are to do if you desire to honor Christ…

      Follow your husband, honor his leadership unless he is asking you to clearly sin (which he apparently is not), obey I Peter. 3:1-6 because that is the only thing that will draw him back to you and to God.

      I know you don’t want to do this. But your marriage is infinitely more important than you serving in a position or two in a church. In fact, if you don’t honor your husband’s leadership, you are maligning the gospel of Christ according to Titus 2:3-5, so your witness for Him will be severely compromised.

      I am praying for you to submit fully to Christ and His Word. I believe this may bring healing to your marriage. I hope you will allow God to lead you through your husband, which He is completely capable of doing. God can change your husband’s heart.

      I have a new YouTube video on my channel “April Cassidy” about making big decisions together in. Arrange this week, and this very issue is the one I use as an example.

      Much love to you! I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for you as you seek to honor, obey and submit yourself fully to Him. 🙂

    2. Achangingsife
      Oh goodness! I didn’t finish my story.

      God convicted me about teaching men. So, I repented publicly on my blog and took down my posts for the men. Men do still read my blog at times – and I have seen men come to Christ here and find healing and hope for their marriages, even though I am not writing to them. But I know my purpose is not to teach men but to teach women according to Titus 2:3-5. I don’t want to dishonor my Lord in any way.

      1. THANK YOU FOR YOUR REPLY. I WILL CONTINUE TO PRAY ON THIS ISSUE AND THAT GOD GIVES ME PEACE IN THE MIST OF THE TRIAL. I DON’T WANT TO BECOME BITTER IN FOLLOWING MY HUSBAND. I BELIEVE THAT HE IS LED BY HIS OWN SELFISHNESS CONSIDERING HE HIS NOT FULLY COMMITTED TO OUR MARRIAGE BY HANGING DIVORCE PAPERS OVER MY HEAD.(i know deep down that God is in control) ITS HARD TO FOLLOW A MAN WHO QUESTIONS THE COVENANT OF OUR MARRIAGE. PLEASE KEEP ME IN PRAYER AS I STUDY OVER THE SCRIPTURES YOU HAVE GIVEN ME. AT THE END OF THE DAY I WANT TO PLEASE GOD MORE THAN PLEASE MY HUSBAND. THANKS FOR THE ENCOURAGEMENT. 🙂

    3. A Changing Wife,

      I grew up in a church where I was always a leader and placed in those positions. I was president of the youth group and once I became an adult, was named to the board of deacons. I taught Sunday School, VBS, ran the nursery, you name it. Both my parents and my husbands attended that church and I assumed we would go there as well. We were married there.

      My hubby HATED that church. It never spoke to him and I could never understand it. And why wouldn’t we go there?!?! He had nowhere else he was bonded to, both of our families went there, and I had several responsibilities there!

      Let me offer to you that I now know that for many years my voice was much louder than The Lord’s in my husband’s life. I was speaking too much and too loudly for him to hear anything else! For a time, he walked away from the faith, rather than follow my leadership.

      If I had this period of our lives to do over again, I would drop everything to follow my husband. I wasted about six years of marriage before I did that, and it was exactly how you are describing. Only, my husband wasn’t attending another church — he was at home!

      April has given you very sound advice here, sister. I know your intentions can SEEM very pure in these matters. And I know that we can have very real (even agreed upon) expectations prior to marriage. And I know that sometimes we can have DEEP roots that we don’t want to break free from. . . .

      But really there is no grey area here. . .When you get to the other side of this it will be very clear. You are responsible to follow your husbands lead. I pray that you would step out in faith and do this TODAY. Don’t let another day go by with the spirit of divisiveness ruling your home. There are soooo many ways that Satan can get in RIGHT NOW! Seek unity with your hubby NOW.

      And if I may be bold(er) for a second – Please let our Lord out of that box you are holding Him in!! Do you really think He is powerless to use you and your gifts if you simply change buildings??? Come on, sister!! He can MOVE MOUNTAINS!!!

      You can do this!! I believe in you and I’ll be praying for you and if you’d like to talk it out, I’m here for you!

      1. Fallen short,
        Thank you so very much for sharing your story! hmmm… We may need to run a post on this topic, if you are interested in collaborating with me. Such a critical issue facing so many Christian couples today.

        I am reminded also of Nikka’s interviews with her husband, how he lost his faith in God after she lead the family for so long. Heartbreaking!!! You can search “nikka’s interview” in my home page.

        I also have a dear friend, Selena, who actually became a pastor along with her husband. She wrote a powerful post about what being in a position of authority over men (which is unbiblical) did to her and the church and how it negatively impacted her family. You can find her story at http://www.joyfullysubmitted.com and you can search “They Called Me Pastor.”

        Much love!

        1. Oh my, April! I Love Selena’s blog! I was in tears reading that post! I was never a pastor but the “grooming” she described was all too familiar 🙁

          I would be absolutely honored to assist you with this message. . . this is such a huge problem for Yahweh’s people today. The price our families pay when we ignore the order He has set for us. . . . I know this is a root issue. Nobody wants to offend a woman who is giving so much time & energy to the furtherance of the church. . .

          My husband used to often quote to me the part about young women being “happy/ busy at home”. He’d question why women (me) were asked to do so much for the church. . I always laughed it off. . . makes me cry now.
          🙁

          Thank you, sister, for being willing to ask the tough questions. . .

      2. fallenshort

        THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE ENCOURAGEMENT. THE MISTAKE I HAVE MADE IS I MADE MY HUSBAND MY god. I GAVE MY HUSBAND ALL THE POWER. NOW MY HEART IS BROKEN AND I SEE MY SIN. GOD IS SHOWING ME “ME” THROUGH THIS PROCESS. I KNOW BROKENNESS IS A PLACE GOD WANTS ME TO BE FOR NOW, BECAUSE HE CAN BE THE ONE TO BUILD ME UP. I JUST STRUGGLE WITH THE FACT THAT MY HUSBAND REFUSES TO RIP UP DIVORCE PAPERS AND HAS SECRET CHECKING ACCT. THAT HE WON’T CLOSE! HOW CAN FOLLOW A MAN THAT CAN’T COMMIT?!? EVEN THOUGH I DON’T AGREE WITH ALL THE BELIEFS OF THE CHURCH I THINK IT WOULD BE EASIER TO FOLLOW MY HUSBAND IF I KNEW HE WAS WILLING TO TAKE TO STEP TO COMMIT TO THE MARRIAGE BY LETTING GO OF THE ACCT. AND GETTING RID TO THE DIVORCE PAPERS. HOW CAN I NOT BECOME BITTER? I KNOW I NEED TO TRUST GOD AND LET HIM WORK IT OUT, BUT IT IS A STRUGGLE. I WANT MY MARRIAGE, BUT I WANT TO PLEASE GOD MORE!

        1. Okay,
          I like to ask myself, “What’s the worst that could happen?”. Let’s say you let your husband know that you trust him to lead your family with this church thing. And so you go to his church, fully committed to whatever plans The Lord had for you there. Let’s say (worst case) that he doesn’t close the mystery bank account and ends up divorcing you. Will you be better off or worse off with the knowledge that you did everything you could to be the wife you are called to be?

          Pardon me for being so direct but I don’t think you have a leg to stand on when you’re quibbling about who’s looking “more committed”. I understand that he seems to be on the defense, but you have not yet agreed to follow his lead. And if you are not clearly FOR him, you might be giving him the impression that you are AGAINST him!!!

          Many of us here understand the idea of making your husband into your “god ” (idol). It’s not a great place to be BUT the fact that you’ve identified that is a HUGE step in the right direction! You CAN overcome that and there are many tools here to assist you with that.

          And “how can (you) NOT become bitter”? CHOOSE JOY!! Every morning Praise the Lord (!) for all of the good things he’s given you! Rejoice in the knowledge that He holds you as you go through this – every step of the way!

          You have more power than you give yourself credit for here. And regardless of church roles and bank accounts, you CAN choose to commit yourself daily to the service of your Lord and your man! And you CAN do it with a joyful heart. . . I KNOW you have it in you, sister!

          Sleep well tonight – I pray healing sleep and clarifying dreams over you!!

          1. fallenshort

            THANK YOU FOR HOLDING ME ACCOUNTABLE WITH STERNNESS AND GRACE. I SHOULD BE GRATEFUL THAT MY HUSBAND ATTENDS CHURCH AND WANTS TO SERVE HIM. I PRAY FOR THOSE WHO STRUGGLE TRYING TO GET THEIR HUBBIES TO COME TO CHURCH ALTOGETHER. YOU AND APRIL HAVE STRUCK A MATCH WITH ME AND IT IS ABOUT TIME I FOCUS ON WHAT GOD HAS CALLED ME TO BE AS A WIFE. THANKS AGAIN FOR TELLING ME LIKE IT IS. I CAN DO THIS! WITH GODS HELP OF COURSE 🙂

          2. achangingwife,

            Absolutely, sister, that’s what we are here for! I am very excited for what’s next for you! I will be praying for you and your husband! And keep us updated – I can’t wait to hear the rest of this story! Sending much love to you, my sweet sister 🙂

          3. achangingwife,

            WOOHOOO!!!!!

            When you are ready – let me know – and maybe you will be writing a post about how things go for the rest of us in the coming months? God-willing, of course. 🙂

        2. Achangingwife,
          It would be easier to follow him if he didn’t have divorce papers, that is obviously true. However, I have seen God work powerfully through women when they obey Him and abide in His Spirit and allow Him to transform them to be the women God desires them to be – fully submitted to Christ… and I have seen Him change husbands’ hearts and minds and bring husbands to repentance for their sins without a word from their wives as they see the new, real, godliness in their wives.

          Your willingness to honor and follow him may well be the thing that causes him to rethink the divorce idea. It will take time for him to believe that you are really changing. That is ok. We will trust God together to work in his heart – as you focus on what God calls you to do with all of your heart.

          The key to peace and not becoming bitter, in my view, is to understand God’s sovereignty – that even if your husband has evil motives against you – God is able to take what people intend for evil and use it for great good and to accomplish His purposes and His glory – like in the story of Joseph (being sold into slavery by his brothers), Jesus (being crucified), Paul (being imprisoned and persecuted), etc… As you receive all the mercy and grace Jesus extends to you – you will have that power of God to extend the same to your husband. You can treat him with a I Corinthians 13 agape love and you can repay evil with good as in Romans 12:9-21.

          If you are willing to do things God’s way, He is able to open up the flood gates of heaven to pour the treasures and power of Christ into your life and marriage to begin to bring healing.

          Sending you the biggest hug!!!

          I’m glad you want to please God more than anything else. That is wonderful!!!!

          Much love,
          April

          1. Oh!! And… almost every wife at the beginning of this journey has serious doubts about whether her husband can hear God and whether her husband can lead her in God’s will. I sure did. I didn’t think God could lead me through Greg for many years. I thought I was “so much closer” to God than Greg was. Yikes! (pride). But God HAS been perfectly able to lead me through Greg once I was willing to submit myself to Christ and to my husband. It took 3.5 years before my husband felt safe with me again and all the walls came down – largely from my disrespect and control for so many, many years. But God has healed our marriage, and hundreds of other marriages of women here and many others are “in progress” – well, we are all “in progress!”

            IN my view, this is ALL about me and Christ, not really so much about my husband.

            I have some posts about having a husband as an idol-

            You can search:
            – idol
            – idolatry
            – insecurity
            – security

            And you can also search the words
            – lead
            – leader

            Much love!

          2. APRIL

            THANK YOU FOR YOUR LOVE AND GRACE. I KNOW I CAN DO THIS WITH GODS HELP. ITS TIME FOR ME TO GIVE UP MY DREAM FOR OUR MARRIAGE FOR HIS (God). YOUR WEBSITE HAS BEEN A HUGE BLESSING TO ME. MAY GOD BLESS YOU RICHLY FOR ALL THE WORK YOU DO. 🙂

          3. Achangingwife,
            I know you love God with all your heart. I am SO excited about your willingness to take steps of obedience and repentance to show God that you love Him more than anything. I can’t wait to see all that He has in store for you! 🙂

  5. Will you please pray for my marriage? I found you on the internet on accident, well maybe not accident. My husband says he believes in God but won’t go to church with me. He is away working out of state and it has caused so much more stress on us. We own a small business which is struggling and don’t agree on our finances which are a big mess. Yesterday on the phone with him I cried while complaining about how he left me, and about all the money issues. I sent him a text later to apologize, but he does not want to speak with me now. I am so sad and scared this could all be the end of our marriage. Anyway, I don’t really know if you will even get this reply, but thank you if you do and God Bless

    1. Margie,

      I will be praying for you and your marriage:)
      I too, found this site by accident in July. I am so glad I did! Reading some articles on this site, reading the bible, or praying are some great ways to keep busy during this difficult time.
      It is also best, in my experience, to focus on what you could work on to improve your relationship with God at this time. I find that writing your thoughts down in a journal can be helpful. Sending you prayers for wisdom and peace today!

    2. Margie,
      Of course I will pray for healing for your marriage.

      Your husband is trying to financially support the family, I assume, by the work he is doing, is that correct?

      What do you disagree about?

      How do you ask your husband to go to church?

      What do you do when he doesn’t do what you want?

      I would like to invite you to read the posts at the top of my home page, they are a great place to start this journey to become a godly wife.

      I suggest allowing him some space. Have you ever apologized for your disrespect to him? Do you cooperate with his leadership? Does he feel highly respected and honored by you?

      What is your relationship with Christ at this time?
      Much love!

  6. April, these words from you seem to always come at the right time for my life. I am so much like you were before you began biblical submission…it is so hard to trust God’s sovereignty when you have been leading every aspect of your marriage for 15 years…however, since January of this year I have learned so much about God’s perfect design for marriage & I see how my ways have been so wrong…I want to trust God & my husband & I have made a lot of changes these last four months, so much so that I think my husband is worried & a bit overwhelmed every time I open my mouth because he never knows what new thing I am wanting to do or change…for about 2 and a half months he has been telling me just to be still that I really need to learn to be still…after a lot of prayer, self reflection & reading your blog I realize that God is leading me through my husbands words…He wants me to realize that I can place the desires of my heart & the paths He is leading me to in His able hands & in His perfect & sovereign time HE will reveal them to my husband…I no longer need or want to direct our paths because that is God & my husband’s job…I am praying every day for God to stregnthen my trust in Him & I can see that by having to wait I am growing in trust! We serve an amazing God who wants to give us the things that will make us happy & holy when we seek first the kingdom of heaven!

    1. Beth,
      I love this!!! Thank you so much for sharing. I know your words and your story will bless many wives. And yes! god is leading you through your husband. He is wise to ask you to be still and wait. I am so excited about what God is doing in your heart and that you are growing in trusting God and your husband! Woohoo!!! 🙂

  7. Hi April!

    Did I write this and you just exchanged “Dong” with “Greg”? Haha! It felt like it was me who wrote it!!! The Type A, the moving at 100kph, the go-getter, motivated, never-a-dull-moment persona…

    And then the Lord told me to KEEP STILL AND KNOW THAT HE WAS GOD.

    And so I stopped, but I fidgeted a lot. I was anxious to be “lazy” and “not moving”…. and then the Spirit helped me to just KEEP STILL.

    And I found God through the Bible.
    I found God through my husband.
    I found God living inside my heart.

    And I relished in that PEACE.

    And so even at this very moment, I am keeping still. 🙂

    It takes a LOT from me, if you also knew me personally. To me keeping still was almost like being DEAD!

    But I have died to myself in September 1, 2013 and I do not want to resurrect that zombie self ever again. The impatient, controlling, eternally fearful and worrisome Nikka. Thank you Jesus for saving me from myself!

    Now, the old is gone, the new has come.

    Praise be to you o Lord!!! 🙂

    Thanks for this, April. I could feel your excitement and joy bubbling all over while I was reading it. 🙂

    Love,

    Nikka

  8. Dear April,
    I just want to thank you with all my heart how much your journey and lessons have impacted me and my marriage. But the twist is, is that my husband is Muslim and I too recently converted. Since converting, and following his leadership in respect and trust, miracles happened within me, and in his heart. Especially after applying your wisdom. In Islam we still believe in the teachings of Jesus, and I grew up loving him. The only difference is that we believe he was a prophet, and God is one God.
    Anywho, 🙂
    your blog applies to everyone and can help anyone from any religion and that is so beautiful. God is truly amazing. May he unite us in love and peaceful tranquility. God bless you and everyone in having a loving and peaceful marriage!

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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