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Prayer Day! Praying from an Obedient Life


Man is looking for better methods.

God is looking for better men.

Man is God’s method.

The Power of Prayer – by E.M. Bounds

QUOTES BY E.M. BOUNDS – “The Necessity of Prayer” (a reverend during the Civil War in America in the 1800s)

  •  Praying that does not result in right thinking and right living, is a farce. We have missed the whole concern of prayer if it fails to purge character and correct conduct. We have failed entirely to apprehend the virtue of prayer if it does not bring about the revolutionizing of the life. In the very nature of things, we must quit praying or our bad conduct. Cold, formal praying may exist side by side with bad conduct, but such praying in the estimation of God is no praying at all. Our praying advances in power only as far as it corrects the life. Growing in purity and devotion to God will make and be a more prayerful life.
  • The gift of the Holy Spirit in full measure and in richer experience, depends upon loving obedience: “If ye love Me, keep My commandments,” is the Master’s Word. “And I will pray the Father, and He shall give you another Comforter, that He may abide with you for ever.” 
  • If any should complain that humanity under the fall is too weak and helpless to obey these high commands of God, the answer is that through the atonement of Christ humanity is made able to obey. The atonement is God’s “Enabling Act.” In regeneration and through the agency of the Holy Spirit, God works in us and bestows sufficient enabling grace for all that is required of us under the atonement. This grace is furnished without measure in answer to prayer. So at the same time God commands, He stands pledged to give us all the necessary strength of will and grace of soul to meet His demands. Since this is true, we are without excuse for our disobedience. And we are highly at fault for refusing or failing to obtain the necessary grace by which we may serve the Lord with reverence and godly fear.  Those who declare it to be impossible to keep God’s commandments strangely overlook one important consideration. That consideration is the vital truth that states that through prayer and faith our nature is changed and we are made partakers of the divine nature. Also, that all reluctance to obey God is taken out of us, and our natural inability to keep God’s commandments because by our fallen and helpless states is gloriously removed. By this radical change that is worked in our moral nature, we receive power to obey God in every way and to yield full and glad allegiance. Thus we can say, “I delight to do Thy will, O my God.” God removes the rebellion that is part of our natural person, and blessedly gives us a heart that gladly obeys His Word.
  • There is no denying that unrenewed people with all the disabilities of the Fall upon them cannot obey God. But to declare that, after one is renewed by the Holy Spirit, has received a new nature, and become a child of the King, he cannot obey God, is to assume a ridiculous attitude, and to display, moreover, a lamentable ignorance of the work and implications of the Atonement. Unquestioning and perfect obedience is the state to which the person of prayer is called. “Lifting up holy hands, without wrath and doubting,” is the condition of obedient praying. Here inward faithfulness and love, together with outward cleanness, are put down as coexisting requirements of acceptable praying.
  • Obedience can ask with boldness at the throne of grace, and those who are obedient are the only ones who can ask in that way. Disobedient Christians are timid in their approach and hesitant in their supplication. They are stopped by reason of their wrongdoing.
  • Obedience follows love, and prayer follows obedience.
  • Righteous Christians are obedient Christians. They can pray effectively, therefore, and can accomplish great things when they go to their knees… Prayer is not a mere form of words… The doing must be behind the praying. It is the constant doing of God’s will in daily life that gives prayer its power, as our Lord plainly taught.(matt 7:21-23)
  • If you have an earnest desire to pray well, you must learn how to obey well…. If you desire to pray to God, you must first have a consuming desire to obey Him. If you want free access to God in prayer, then every obstacle of sin or disobedience must ben removed... Those who have never wept concerning their sins, have never really prayed over their sins…. Until (the stage of unquestioning obedience) is taken, prayer for blessing and continued sustenance will be of no use…. Nowhere does He approve sin or excuse disobedience…. Obeying (God’s commands) brings blessing, disobeying them brings disaster.



Pray fervently, with great desire for God above every desire for anything else in life, with persistence, with patience, asking God to change YOU and laying your life before Him as a living sacrifice each day.


We lift up Your Holy Name! We exalt You alone. We praise You for Who You are!!  We thank You for all that we have – everything we have is a gift from Your generous hands. Help us to remember all that You have done for Your people and for us specifically in the past.  Let us see and confess and repent of every sin that offends Your holiness.  Empower us to walk in total love, submission, faithfulness and obedience to You by Your Spirit. Empower us to be women of fervent, effectual prayer. Let Your will and Your glory be done in our lives. Let us be Spirit-filled, godly women who dramatically impact this world for Your kingdom – not by our own might or strength, but by Your power. Give us Your Spirit of unity among ourselves and in our marriages and churches. We lift up our husbands and children, that You might work in their lives for Your purposes to be accomplished, for Your will to be done in our homes and for Your greatest glory in our lives and in our families’ lives, in Your church and in the world.  Protect our families and husbands and marriages from evil and from temptation.  Use us, our husbands, our marriages and our families to shine for You and to draw many people to Christ. Change us radically to be faithful disciples of Yours! Give us new hearts, new spirits and new minds. Make us more and more like Christ!

Make us women of utmost gratitude to You for all You have done for us. Let us be women of obedience to Your Word.  Let us show our love by our joyful and cheerful desire to obey Your every command. Flood us with Your power and Your Spirit. Make us people of fervent prayer.  Make us useful for Your kingdom.  Set us apart for Your purposes. Continue to sanctify us more and more and make us more like Christ. Regenerate our spirits, Lord.  Let us learn to access the overwhelming Grace You make so readily available to us! We can do NOTHING apart from You!

We trust You to provide for our daily needs. We will be content with what You provide for us. What we need most is the Living Water of Your Spirit. If only we can have You, Your presence, Your Spirit, Your Word and Your power in our lives – that is all we need! Open up our hearts. Show us any ungodliness. Cleanse us from every trace of sin, rebellion, pride, self-righteousness and disobedience. Make us holy as You are holy. Empower us to shine brightly for You in our homes, for our children, in our jobs, in our churches, in our neighborhoods and anywhere in the world that You might desire to send us.
Purify our motives constantly, Lord. Work through us for Your will and Your glory. Speak Your truth through us to a dark and dying and thirsty world. Let Your truth alone be proclaimed here. Change the world through us by Your power, Lord. Reach the lost through us. Disciple other women through us. Save marriages by working through us. Heal families and raise up a godly generation for Your purposes and Your glory.
Let us find all of our contentment, purpose, fulfillment, joy, peace, strength, hope, faith and identity in You alone!

Not our will, but Yours be done!

In the Name and Power and Will of Christ,



If you are not currently reading anything in God’s Word, I encourage you to start in John, then Acts and Romans. 🙂  Feast on God’s Word every day. Listen to it in the car. Read while you eat breakfast. Meditate on God’s Word. Fill your mind with it. Pay careful attention to the things God commands us to do and let’s get to work doing God’s will together in the power of His Spirit.


Why a Husband Struggles to Pray with His Wife – by my husband, Greg

Respecting Our Husbands Prayers

The Blessings of Having a Husband Who Won’t Pray with His Wife

Praying for Your Husband So That God Will Hear

DAVID PLATT – Youtube video “Desire – Do We Want Him?”

72 thoughts on “Prayer Day! Praying from an Obedient Life

  1. I have been praying about covering again, but not full time this time….just during prayer. My question is do I cover when the pastor is praying or someone is praying over a class or just when I, myself, is praying? Thanks 🙂

    1. Becoming a Titus 2 Wife,
      That is up to you and your husband to prayerfully consider. What does he think?

      I cover when I am praying or when someone is praying at church because I pray along with them in my head.

      But more important than what I say – is what scripture says and what your husband would like. 🙂

      Much love!

      1. Also, can you give me an example of what you cover with? I have been looking and looking, but not quite sure what I’m looking for. A scarf you wear around your neck or like a lace mantilla? Just curious as to what you use. And I will soon talk to my husband about which he thinks is best.

        1. Becoming a Titus 2 Wife,

          I just use a silk or satin scarf usually – like the kind you would wear around your neck. At home, I wrap my hair in it. At church, I just slip it over my head for the prayer, then put it back in my purse. 🙂 My friend, Nikka, wears a lace mantilla to church.

            1. Yes, April is correct. I wear a lace veil to church. 🙂 But when I am doing house chores or my husband and I are going out and I feel that I need “extra protection” (against negativity) or to simply remember my role in the marriage,I wear a scarf. I am almost always with a scarf on my head these days. I am still in the awkward learning phase and it helps to use “props” for this part of the journey. It allows me to always remember that I am no longer my old self, and I am a new creation. And, I always feel holier and kinder when I am wearing it. 🙂

              1. Veronica,

                Yes, “props” helped me a lot, too, especially in the beginning. Wearing skirts was a really tangible reminder to me that “I am the woman and I don’t ‘wear the pants’ in the family.” THAT HELPED me so much to keep focused. And the head covering thing – I did that during my quiet time, but also sometimes I would wear a scarf on my head as I did chores around the house, too. It made me feel closer to Greg – to remember that I am under his God-given protection and authority. It made me feel more loved by God and Greg. And, in the beginning, Greg was still very distant and quiet – so that extra assurance was helpful to me.

                Now, I still often wear a scarf when I do chores around the house – just a sweet reminder to me about Greg being my covering.

                There is nothing magic about skirts or scarves – it is the motive of our hearts that count. If we use these props to remind us to put on a spirit of humility and our new self in Christ – that is beautiful to me. We do have to be careful – because it is possible to turn these things into legalism. We can turn anything into that! So we must watch our motives carefully about everything all the time. I still do that!

              2. Yes, that is so true! Motives matter a lot to God. Thanks for the constant reminder on that, April. I don’t want to be a legalist. I want to be true to the Spirit of God’s Word, not merely to the Letter of His Word.

  2. I pray to lose the desire to drink wine and then I go and drink 2-3glasses on my day off. Do you believe we have a demon who will try very hard to destroy what your trying to do? Because by me drinking yesterday I barley did any house work and I did not read the bible at all like I have been trying to do. It was almost like a wasted day at home and I work a lot so I shouldn’t be wasting any of my time. I need advice on how to pray then stick with what I’m praying for. Thank you

    1. Kara, I have been praying on releasing the shackles of bondage in my family right at this very moment, so your post affected me. I heard on TBN yesterday something that was of value to me in this specific prayer and I hope it will be to you. The pastor said to say out loud “I am the Righteousness of God through Christ” when trying to break free of something. He said that saying that over and over has power to release you from bondage. We were made FREE through Christ so you don’t have to take that drink. That’s just a suggestion.
      Fasting really helps with breaking chains as well. Thank you April for these Thursdays of fasting and prayer!

      1. blessed,
        Thanks for encouraging Kara! 🙂 And thank you for sharing. Yes, fasting and fervent prayer along with a desire to obey God in everything and to know Him more and more deeply is so powerful!

      2. Thank you! I will say that when I have a desire to indulge in sinful behavior. How long are you supposed to fast?

    2. Kara,

      Thank you for sharing! I am sure that MANY others have similar temptations and issues.

      I do believe that demons can be involved in addictions to alcohol/drugs. I also believe that our sinful nature is powerfully involved as well.

      Here is a really critical passage in Scripture about temptation (James 1):

      2 Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters,[a] whenever you face trials of many kinds, 3 because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. 4 Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. 5 If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. 6 But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. 7 That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

      9 Believers in humble circumstances ought to take pride in their high position. 10 But the rich should take pride in their humiliation—since they will pass away like a wild flower. 11 For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich will fade away even while they go about their business.

      12 Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial because, having stood the test, that person will receive the crown of life that the Lord has promised to those who love him.

      13 When tempted, no one should say, “God is tempting me.” For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; 14 but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed. 15 Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death.

      16 Don’t be deceived, my dear brothers and sisters. 17 Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. 18 He chose to give us birth through the word of truth, that we might be a kind of firstfruits of all he created.

      I think it is important for us to know that God does not give us sinful desires and He does not tempt us. I have heard from a number of women who talk about praying for “God to take away” a sinful desire. I don’t believe that is the best way to pray. God doesn’t give us sinful desires. We have them all on our own. Instead of praying for God to take away our desires, I believe that we must pray for God to help us crucify our sinful desires. We have to do that. We have to be willing to “put to death” anything that is sinful in us. We have to be willing to nail our sinful nature to the cross that it might die with Christ and be buried.

      God gives us the power when we have accepted Jesus as our Savior and Lord – to be dead to sin and alive to Christ. Now we are no longer slaves to sin, but slaves to righteousness. (Romans). But we can choose to sin.

      Or we can choose to walk in obedience to God. If there is sin that we are cherishing in our hearts, we must repent and turn completely away from it and turn to Christ. We then submit our lives to Him, lay our lives on the altar, giving our lives to Him as living sacrifices. He is in charge now, not us.

      Now, my desire to obey Christ and to please Him is much higher than my desire to sin. I know the price that Jesus paid in His blood for my sin. I don’t want to cause more grief to Jesus’ heart. He gives us a new mind, a new heart and new self in Christ. We take off the old self and nail it to the cross and put on our new self in Christ.

      Galatians 5
      16 So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh. 17 For the flesh desires what is contrary to the Spirit, and the Spirit what is contrary to the flesh. They are in conflict with each other, so that you are not to do whatever[c] you want. 18 But if you are led by the Spirit, you are not under the law.

      19 The acts of the flesh are obvious: sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery; 20 idolatry and witchcraft; hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions 21 and envy; drunkenness, orgies, and the like. I warn you, as I did before, that those who live like this will not inherit the kingdom of God.

      22 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, 23 gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. 24 Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the flesh with its passions and desires. 25 Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit.

      17 So I tell you this, and insist on it in the Lord, that you must no longer live as the Gentiles do, in the futility of their thinking. 18 They are darkened in their understanding and separated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them due to the hardening of their hearts. 19 Having lost all sensitivity, they have given themselves over to sensuality so as to indulge in every kind of impurity, and they are full of greed.

      20 That, however, is not the way of life you learned 21 when you heard about Christ and were taught in him in accordance with the truth that is in Jesus. 22 You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; 23 to be made new in the attitude of your minds; 24 and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.

      25 Therefore each of you must put off falsehood and speak truthfully to your neighbor, for we are all members of one body. 26 “In your anger do not sin”[d]: Do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, 27 and do not give the devil a foothold. 28 Anyone who has been stealing must steal no longer, but must work, doing something useful with their own hands, that they may have something to share with those in need.

      29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. 30 And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. 31 Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice. 32 Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.

      This is going to require Dying to Self

      So you say to God, “I no longer live for myself, but for You from this point on. You are my LORD, not just my Savior. I want my life to bring the greatest honor and glory to You. Change ME, LORD! Change my heart. Change my mind. I lay down my old sinful self, my desire for alcohol and for escape from reality, my pain, my hurt, my expectations, my dreams, my marriage, my life, my health, my money, my future, my husband, my children… I lay it all on the altar to You. I give You ALL of myself. I hold NOTHING back. I trust You with my life. I step down from trying to be in control myself and from having myself as my own lord. I repent of my idolatry of self and wanting control. I repent of my selfishness, pride and sin. I repent for trying to escape my pain in alcohol instead of going to You for healing. I give You my life. Do with it what You see fit. I want Your will, not mine. I want to live for Your glory. Fill me with Your Spirit and Your power. Cleanse me of every sin. Let Your Spirit overflow in my life and give me the strength to live in obedience and holiness for You.

      In the Name and power of Christ,

      I’m here if you want to talk more, my precious sister!

      Jesus CAN give you victory over sin. His blood IS that strong. And His power IS THAT AMAZING.

      Put all your faith and trust in Him. Give Him your fears.

      What is it that you are afraid of?

      What is it that you believe you need to be happy?

      We can hash through these things together. 🙂

      1. Thank you so much your very helpful. My biggest fears are poor time management, my husband will think I’m lazy, I can’t get everything done. I work on call with only 2-3hrs notice with an hour and a half drive to work. Sometimes work is very slow and sometimes there is a lot of work and I will only get 8-12 hrs off in between. I always feel like its so hard to plan or get everything done or even get enough sleep and I think to calm down my anxiety I will come home after work and have a glass of wine or maybe more depending on how tired I am. But the next morning I feel sluggish and i am more upset that nothing gets done. So it’s an endless cycle I put myself through. Sounds crazy that I haven’t stopped giving into temptation because it’s so obvious that it’s causing me more pain. What will make me happy is the ability to go through life without anxiety and stress. I want to have peace and joy. I’m just finding it very hard to figure out how I get it.

        1. Kara,

          You’re most welcome.

          If there are things you are trying to find contentment in other than Christ – you will continue to have anxiety and fear.

          It is ONLY when you completely surrender everything and every part of yourself to Christ and begin walking in obedience to Him no matter what the personal cost to yourself that He will flood you with His Spirit and His joy and peace. He can take away the anxiety much more effectively than any glass of wine!

          But it will mean that you have to stop trusting SELF and begin to truly trust Jesus.

          It is ALL about your relationship with Him. That is the secret!

          1. Change has been hard because this is still new for me but I am willing to do what I need to do because there’s nothing I want more. And I understand more now from your post I need to practice obedience I was believing only God can change my heart and when God was ready for me to stop doing certain things I would stop. I guess that is silly. I was believing I don’t have to take action on my part that God would lead me in the direction I am supposed to go. That does sound stupid and maybe just excuses for me to continue with old behavior. I don’t want to continue with old behavior because I would never be able to glorify God or be able to influence my husband to believe in God.

            1. Kara,

              The heart is deceitful above all things – and -apart from Christ – without cure. We are ALL able to justify and rationalize sin like this. I’m really glad that you see your responsibility and are ready to take action yourself. WOOHOO!

        2. Kara, I myself, struggle with anxiety and fear. Not with myself or my life or even my husband, but with my son. And with only one thing with him…HIS anxiety. When he gets sick to his stomach all my courage goes out the window. I have been that way since he was old enough to tell me his tummy hurts and then get sick. He is now 16 and has anxiety that is related to Aspergers. He takes medicine and it helps, but there are still times he has attacks. He had one the other day and I was useless. My husband took care of him. I just don’t know what it is. He could snot on me, poop on me, etc and I would be right as rain. This just sends me into waves of anxiety and gi upset. I REALLY don’t like it and try to handle it, but it seems my body just doesn’t listen. I would LOVE to live a life FREE of anxiety and fear!

          1. I’m very sorry to hear about you and your son I wish I knew the right words of encouragement. It sounds like he does have a very loving and supportive mother and that’s huge 🙂

          2. Becoming a Titus 2 Wife,

            I used to have panic attacks if I was around vomiting. I wanted to run out of the building!!! After I had children, I guess eventually I got used to it more, and now am able to be calm and not freak out. But there are a lot of people who will get sick themselves if they see someone else get sick. That is a much more difficult problem. Sounds like that may be your situation.

            Praying for strength, courage, peace and wisdom for you
            Praise God your husband is able to help your son. I pray for your son, too, my friend! For healing for his anxiety and tummy problems.

            1. Thank you. 🙂 I am working on still that God is in control and not me. My husband and I talked about this yesterday and he thinks that it’s based on me wanting to control everything. I want to control the situation around my son so he doesn’t get anxious, I want to control what he eats so he doesn’t get an upset tummy, I want to make everything “just so” so he doesn’t get overwhelmed. I hadn’t realized just how much my fears and controlling have taken over my life and snuffed out God’s ability in my life in a sense. I don’t trust Him. 🙁 Now that I realize that, I am slowly surrendering myself and putting God back where He belong and that is as Lord. Faith and trust is what I am working on. I am so thankful He is patient and faithful for me to finally “get it”

              1. Becoming a Titus 2 Wife,
                I am thrilled that you and your husband talked about this! It is so easy to think as a mom that if we just did everything PERFECTLY for our children all the time, we could avoid all possible ickiness and problems. But – that is not always the case.

                Maybe it is not the end of the world if your son gets overwhelmed. Maybe it is just part of life and you can be there to support him and then help him to move on?

                Do you have a support group for moms with autistic children? That could also be helpful.

                Great job looking into what is going on spiritually with you and talking to your hubby about it and seeking God! WOOHOO!

              2. He has aspergers and is very high functioning and not considered autistic so to speak. But, there are no support groups here for that. It was nice just to be able to talk things out with my husband as we haven’t been able to do that too well in the past. Usually led to an argument of some sort. I am just smiling from what God is doing 🙂

              3. Becoming a Titus 2 Wife,
                Aww! I am so glad to hear that you and your husband worked as a team on that issue. WOOOHOOO! I know if you have that kind of support, you will feel like you can take on almost anything!

    3. I say very honestly “Get behind me Satan” when I hear him whispering in my ear thoughts that would derail my success. Speak to Satan. Command him to get behind you. When you hear that voice that says “Another glass won’t hurt… you deserve it… you work hard… you are such a good mother” you must address it as Satan and command him to stop. Lately he has been whispering in my ear about my own issues. Each time I say “Stop now!” If I am alone, I say it out loud. It seems the more I directly command him to get out of my head, the farther and farther away these negative thoughts move. At first it was almost every 5 minutes a voice would say to me ugly thoughts. Now, it could be hours before his voice creeps in my head. The key is to NOT ENTERTAIN THE IDEAS EVEN FOR A SECOND. As soon as the ideas take hold, it breeds discontent.

      1. Sara and Kara,

        It may be wise to say, “The Lord rebuke you!” to the enemy.

        Very godly advice – this is what it means to take our thoughts captive for Christ and not dwell on ungodly thoughts.

        Thanks, Sara!

        1. That is something i can say Ty. I also wanted to share I haven’t had any wine since my first post and I feel great 🙂

            1. Things have been going well the past few days. I’m trying to be as respectful as I can and I’m also trying to elminate conversations or text messages where I’m only talking or saying things to get him to give me the needy attention I want. I try think about what I want to accomplish out of our conversations. I have given him praise for the good he has done and he cleaned the bathroom washed and folded clothes, and mopped the floor, plus he worked 72 hrs this week. I didnt know that would come of me being more respectful but i do enjoy it. It may not seem huge but this is only the second time he has cleaned the bathroom lol and I never knew he knew how to fold clothes. He showed his leadership by asking me not to exercise and go to bed at 6pm since I had to wake up at midnight. He said to leave the dishes in the sink and he would do them. When I was at work I thanked him for his suggestion because I felt much better at work then if would have stayed up. I am trying hard and I see a difference, but as I write this he came home from going to hooters and I’m trying not to let it ruin my mood. I need to focus on my sin and not his and that’s huge for me. I do know that he notice my disappointment but I didn’t say a negative word about it.

              1. Kara,

                Wow! He worked 72 hours AND did all of those chores and encouraged you to rest so he would do the dishes? That is awesome!!!!!

                His choice of restaurant may not be ideal. I can understand your concern. But, I also can say that I have seen women dressed more provocatively in grocery stores, pharmacies, on tv and at church than they appear to at Hooters. Not that Hooters is great, but there is just so much visual temptation and immodesty everywhere. It breaks my heart for men and for women.

                As you continue to focus on your sin, your husband will feel a lot more safe with you in time, most likely, and you will become more and more the woman God desires you to be. As you obey I peter 3:1-6, you may see God begin to speak to your husband in powerful ways. The Holy Spirit is able to convict your husband of sin in ways you cannot. We do not make good Holy Spirits!

                It’s ok to share when you feel sad or hurt. But, it sounds like you did that. Right now, if your husband is far from God, less talking about spiritual things and what you want him to change is often better. But be sensitive to God’s Spirit, abide in Him and be ready to do whatever He prompts you to do. 🙂

                I am so excited about what God is doing in both of you!

              2. Thank you for helping with this process. I truly believe God is using you to touch the live of lots of women, and its so comforting that you take the time to care about every single women who post on your blog. I’m very grateful because I have grown so much from this so far and I never want to stop. I get excited to see what is to come. My husband is responding well and I believe he likes leading and the leadership part comes easy to him I just pray he finds Christ. I like what you said about hooters it is true theres a lot worse dressed women these days. I also am doing my best every time I’m upset I look at my own sin and not his. Exscpecillay because he does not know God. I read on a post you sent me a link to that says its my job to extended grace. Once I extend grace and see my sin I feel ashamed because it can be worse than his. The reason I don’t want him to go to hooters is because of my jealousy and my vanity. I don’t want him thinking anyone else is prettier or younger than me. I really am not concerned about the purity of his heart without selfishness on my part. This summer I was pleased when people were checking me out in a bathing suit. And I work with most men and I don’t flirt with them but I have never stopped them from complimenting me or being extra nice. With prayer God is really showing me all my sin. I know all this sounds bad but I’m finally starting to be honest with myself with the help of God and your blog post 🙂 thank you so much

              3. Kara,

                I do love and care about every single woman who reads my blog – and the men, too. I long to see us all grow in Christ and experience His abundant Life and walk in His power for His glory. 🙂

                We will pray together that God opens your husband’s eyes.

                Check out the post my brother wrote “When My Spouse is Wrong” – I think that may be the post you are talking about.

                As you obey God and learn to respect your husband and honor his leadership (unless he is asking you to clearly sin), that will help him to hear God’s voice and draw him to God and to you. 🙂

                God can lead you even through an unbelieving husband. And God can bring so much glory to Himself as you submit yourself to Him and obey Him and live in the power of His Spirit!

                It doesn’t bother me that there are women who are younger and more beautiful than I am. I am totally fine with understanding that my husband sees women who are beautiful. I don’t worry about it. I trust God to work in my husband’s heart. And I am thankful that my husband is visual and is able to enjoy me. I try to be sure to give him chances to enjoy my body and to store up wonderful visual memories of me. So – I do my best to bless him visually and to take decent care of myself, to wear my hair the way he likes it, to dress femininely – and to be receptive to him and available to him.

                You can do the same thing with your husband! 🙂

                I don’t think you have to try to keep people from complimenting you. But -you can certainly seek to dress modestly and not purposely try to tempt men to lust after you. 🙂

                This is the kind of sin we ALL have to deal with. We are ALL wretched sinners in desperate need of Christ!

                Much love to you!

  3. This post is perfect ,Peacefulwife yesterday I was thinking about obedience, I was gonna ask u if u could do a post about it. Wow, God is really helping me. My prayer life and obedience are not right with one another.

    1. Sharon,

      We don’t talk a lot about obedience in our churches today. We like to talk about grace. Grace must come first. We can’t be obedient on our own. But then when God’s grace fills us and His Spirit empowers us – He can and will give us power to walk in obedience and then our prayer lives will be flaming and our desire for God and for His will becomes unquenchable.

      I am so excited that God is speaking to you. This is REALLY important stuff! I am excited that God is able to help you get your prayer life and obedience in line. Can’t wait to see what God has in store for you!

  4. God spoke to me through psalm 32 (particularly vs 8-11) in my prayer time today, then reading this seemed to fit really well. Kara, keeping focus on the blessings that come with obedience gives me more strength to resist temptation. I read somewhere the saying that “the pain of guilt is worse than the pain of discipline”, I try to remember that too. Thank goodness that our Lord can take that guilt away!

    1. Ronnathen3,

      So true! God’s discipline IS painful. BUT – nowhere near as painful as the pain of the consequences of more sin and continued rebellion.

      Thank you so much for sharing!!!! 🙂

  5. “To declare that, after one is renewed by the Holy Spirit, has received a new nature, and become a child of the King, he cannot obey God, is to assume a ridiculous attitude…” So true. Let’s walk the talk. People will be looking to us to see Christ. If they don’t, we malign God’s Word. 🙁

    1. Veronica,
      I hear people today say, “Well, we will always sin. We are sinful humans, and no matter how much we grow in Christ, we will always sin a lot every day…” I think it is important for us to KNOW that we can find victory over sin in Christ and in the power of His Spirit abiding in us. We don’t have to be slaves to sin anymore. If we are slaves to sin – we don’t have the regenerating power of God working in us.

  6. Hi April,

    This isn’t exactly related to your post here, but I’ve been looking through your archives, trying to find an answer, and I guess the best thing is to just ask you about it. Maybe I just need prayer.

    God has been speaking to me about respecting my husband for just over a year now, and he has been doing wonderful things in our marriage… My husband has become so much stronger spiritually and emotionally now that I am truly letting him be himself.

    We have come a very long way, but I am continuing to battle with myself – especially with humility. God is telling me to look at him and just TRUST, which I ought to be doing, but sometimes it feels like I am struggling toward him through a pot of molasses, if I might make a comparison. I have YEARS of social conditioning and self-definition I am trying to understand, sift, and shift. If you are willing to pray for me about this, then please accept a big thank you.

    The kind of information I was searching for, and haven’t been able to quite find, is this:

    There are times when my husband’s displeasure seems absolutely unbearable. (Please don’t think by my posting this, that my husband is bad in any way. He is extremely dedicated, loving, and selfless, and is always trying to live up to God’s standards). My husband is very well organized, very neat and tidy, very detail oriented, and takes extremely good care of his things. He has great difficulty accepting what he sees as foolish mistakes, and for some reason, as hard as I try, I am terribly accident prone, miss things, drop things, and forget things with astonishing frequency. He gets horribly distressed, and then I feel absolutely awful. Right now, he is downstairs, trying to cool off about me taking the kids all the way to the doctor and not checking to see that there was a form I was supposed to get filled out. To his credit, he simply said, “I’d better not talk to you right now, until I calm down.” I, of course, feel completely wretched – for one about how, well, stupid that was of me, and then also about how upset he is. This incident is sort of a more major event… Most of the time it’s simply a long string of small things that are just too much for him. I really do try, but I’m surprised how frequently this seems to occur. Life just seems to be happening like a whirlwind that I’m swept around in, trying to keep everyone around me fed and emotionally supported. Is it abnormal that I don’t have everything under control, nearly all the time… Er… Hardly ever have everything under control? (Our kids are aged 2 and 4). Is he expecting that I should? I sometimes feel like to show respect, I should be telling him I will do better, but I have this dreadful feeling that I am going to forget about it when I am in the middle of something, and he will wonder why, and my words will be meaningless. He doesn’t want to hear “I will try”. Just “yes”.

    The questions I have here are:
    – How do you, (or other ladies who might be reading this), process the awful sensation of feeling your husband is upset with, or disappointed in you?
    – Can you suggest any ways for keeping your cool when you are in the heat of hearing how disappointed he is, and not trying to defend?
    – Is there a respectful way to tell him things during these times? He tells me he doesn’t want me to say sorry, because it happens again and again, and he doesn’t want an explanation.
    – How can we show our husbands respect when they are visibly upset about something we have done, or not done, whether intentionally or unintentionally?

    Thank you very much for your time.

    1. Stephanie,

      It is great to hear from you! I am THRILLED about all that God is doing in your life, your husband’s life and your marriage!

      I am REALLY proud of your husband for knowing he needed time to cool down. THAT WAS GREAT!

      It seems from what you are writing that you are simply forgetful, not purposely trying to do disrespectful things. Do you have ADD, or are you severely sleep deprived, do you have any medical issues?

      Well… I don’t guarantee that I have all the answers, but I can give you some ideas to prayerfully consider and seek God about…

      About trying not to forget things – I personally have to put things on my phone calendar and put alerts on it for 1 day and 2 days before. I have to have lists. LOTS OF LISTS. or I will forget stuff. I know that I tend to forget. So I ask my husband to remind me about things, and I ask my children to remind me about things. It may be helpful to have a notebook in your car/purse where you can keep a to do list? As a pharmacist, I know that sometimes when people take omega 3 supplements that have EPA and DHA in them, sometimes that can help memory issues. But if memory issues are severe, be sure to let your doctor know!

      Having really young children can be extremely distracting and it can be even easier to forget things or to run late or to keep things organized. That will get somewhat easier as they get older.

      Here is an important piece of information – YOU WILL NOT BE PERFECT. Especially at being completely organized and never ever forgetting anything. I don’t think that is possible.

      1. I don’t like knowing my husband is upset with me. I don’t know anyone who does! I apologize if I have done something wrong. Then I go to God. I remind myself that ultimately, my job is to bring glory to God and please God. I remind myself that the blood of Jesus is more than sufficient to cover all my sin. I give my husband space. I try to do anything I can to make the situation right. I don’t pressure him and allow him to work through his emotions and thoughts. I know that ultimately he does love me and I rest in that and just wait it out for a few days if it is something that is very difficult for him.

      2. You can say, “I hate that I disappointed you. I disappointed myself, too.” “I need some help getting organized so I don’t forget things. My memory is not very good. I’m open to any suggestions you may have.I want to do better, but this is a huge struggle for me. I’m not sure why I am having so much trouble.”

      Possibly just being quiet and giving him time and space may be best.

      3. If possible, give him space until he has cooled down.

      4. I vote to listen, not defend yourself, be silent if he needs time to process things and think of ways you maybe could bless him – make his favorite meal, do something special for him. But a lot of men need time and space more than anything else.

      Hopefully he will forgive you and you can then move on.

      But even if he doesn’t forgive you, you can have peace in Christ and seek to honor and obey Him and ask Him to fill you with His power and abide in Him. If your husband can’t or won’t forgive, that is his own sin issue between himself and God.

      1. Stephanie,
        Does your husband say what he needs in those times? Ideally, sometime when things are going well, maybe you could ask what would help him most when he is feeling upset.

      2. Hi April,

        Thank you for your gracious reply. I don’t know how you find the time to so thoroughly answer so many people in one day. It is beautiful to see how God is using you for his work in others’ lives and marriages.

        I think you’re probably right about being quiet, and giving him time and space. Now that I think about it, that has worked well in the past. In fact, by coincidence, that’s just what I ended up doing the day before last. Yesterday morning, (the next day), he came to me and said everything was ok, and thanked me for taking the kids all the way to the doctor by myself, so he could go to his class. In the evening, he was so close, and just wanted to be with me. Nothing else. He made me feel like the most precious and cherished thing in the world. Wow.

        Thanks for the reminder about lists! Yes, you have motivated me to make some checklists, so I can make sure the most important things are in place, (car locked – check, discarded kids clothes rounded up – check, curtains not covering the heating vents – check, diaper bag checked for leftover snacks, etc.). I’m excited to see how this turns out. It’s little details I usually forget, like locking the car, or remembering to take the bag I left ready beside the door, or anything I can’t finish right away because of urgent things that distract me before I’ve completed what I started. Events and library book returns, etc. aren’t usually much of a problem.

        Regarding your questions, yes, I am often very sleep deprived, sometimes hungry or dehydrated, (something I need to correct!!), and often trying to do many things at once. A special diet for me and the kids has nearly eliminated some frustrating brain fog I used to have, but it means a lot of juggling, with cooking, and planning, and no shortcuts. I have amazingly good visual memory, but poor audio memory, (remembering things people say verbally). I can hear very quiet sounds, but struggle to make out words when there is background noise, or my thoughts are too loud. Things said to me at those times are difficult to remember, even when I am concentrating hard. I have learned to appreciate and work with the unique way that God has made me. My husband sometimes says that God gave me to him so he could learn to relax about mistakes and the little things, and appreciate people for what they do right. He is working so hard.

        It is difficult when my husband is upset, but you’re right. I need to remember that God made me who I am and loves me just like that. I can rest in knowing that beneath everything, my husband does love me, and he will return at some point and tell me it’s ok.

        God has blessed me so much.

        Thank you for your ministry, April.

        1. Stephanie,

          I am thankful that I am not working a lot right now in this season of life and my children are often in school – so God has granted me a season of having extra time to minister. I don’t know how long that will last! But I am enjoying it – and so thankful for the opportunities. 🙂

          I am so glad that things worked well yesterday and that he wanted you close to him that night. That is how he shows you he loves you. 🙂

          Lists are SUPER helpful for me!

          I am also chronically sleep deprived. I understand how that can greatly impact memory. My good friend has issues with brain fog and uses a diet, the GAPS diet, to help with that. It is extremely labor-intensive and lots of cooking and everything from scratch – sounds a lot like your diet!

          I also relate to you about having a good visual memory but not as good of an auditory memory. I am MUCH BETTER at remembering things people write or email to me rather than things they say.

          It could be that your husband may want to try to communicate with you more via text or email to remind you about important things? That may just be a unique learning style for you that may help eliminate some of the forgetfulness. 🙂

          You are most welcome. I am so excited about what God is doing in your life!!!!!!!

          Sending you a huge hug my precious sister,

        2. I have six children, live with my inlaws and my parents live right behind me. I work a full time job and have a million things going on at any given moment. That being said, I am very bad about remembering things people tell me later. I have made it a big deal in my house that if my kids need something or want something or if my husband has a list of things that need to be attended to that they must be written down and given to me. That way, later on when I have a minute I can but them on the task list or add them to the grocery list or the shopping list. I have taught my kids to use ANYLIST (ap on my iPad) to write down groceries immediately when they use the last of something. It automatically sync’s to my iPhone. Perhaps you need to ask your husband what he would like done and how it needs to be done. But tell him to make the list for you. That way you can be sure you are doing it as he sees fit.

          We have a general schedule in my house that keeps me from getting overwhelmed. It includes what is going to get cleaned on what day. Even now, with the kids completing many chores alone, I will give them a list of exactly what needs to be done.

          I also suggest spending a few minutes before you go to bed to mentally prepare for the following day. Go over with your husband what your plans are and take notes about specific tasks to attend to.

          While some days it seems like my life is full of paper, I can tell you I could not accomplish half of what I do without my lists.

          1. Wow Sara, your life sounds super busy. I admire you for being able to support and work with so many people in one place. Thanks for all your great suggestions.

            It’s tempting to skip the planning and get on with the jobs that need doing, but you’re right. I won’t get very far when I do that. I like your idea of having my husband write a list of how he likes things to be done… He might feel like I haven’t listened to him well enough though, that I need to ask him everything all over again. I think I should start it, and then ask him to edit it and add anything he thinks is necessary.

            April and Sara, thanks for your ideas of having people write requests to me rather than telling me. I bet that will make a big difference.

            Thanks for everyone’s support here. I still consider myself a relative novice at homekeeping and everything else. Seven years doesn’t sound like a beginner’s experience level anymore, but there is so much to learn and practice.

  7. Wonderful verses for Kara, April! Great comments on this topic too. I would also add to Becoming a Titus 2 Wife that the video April did on letting go of idols(I think that was the one) where she said we have to get to a point where we put everything on the altar and say we trust God that if the worst was to happen, we would still be ok-that helped me tremendously. My idols were definitely my children. Your son has a sickness, and I know that’s different-you have real fears that are justified. However when we realize that God loves our children way more than we ever could, and that if we release Him to God they are in way better hands than ours, there is a peace that follows.
    The hardest prayer ever is “Thy Will be Done”, especially when it comes to the people we love, and our hearts-our children. God Bless you!

    1. Well said. What idols I have let go of in my life! Things that ate my time that I felt I could not live without. Everyone (all six kids) had to play a sport year round… My mom gently reminded me that there was a fine line between ensuring them to be well balanced and exposing them to lots of opportunities and spending each evening in the car as a taxi cab driver going all over God’s green earth. Scrapbooking- my obsession to document every bit of everything that would eat away at my mind when I wasn’t “up to date”. Pinterest/Facebook/internet surfing- geeze! Moderation is key here. TV- the idea that I deserved an hour or two each evening to “chill out”. I am still working on many… but I have slowed down the long list of idols that eat my time and my patience to a point that I am less forgetful and more on top of things.

      1. Sara,

        LOVE THIS! Being BUSY is the number one thing that pastors say prevents people from growing spiritually in our culture. Our pastor quoted that yesterday in his sermon. 82% of the pastors in the study he talked about mentioned this issue.

        It is so important for us to cut out the things that may be “good” but not “best.” God’s things are best. We HAVE to have time with Him and in His Word and we must have time with our families.

        I LOVE that Greg and I both agree not to overcrowd our family’s schedule. Things are so much more peaceful that way.

        Thank you for sharing!

    1. Kara,

      I would suggest the epistles – the smaller letters in the New Testament. Then Psalms, Isaiah and Jeremiah – to study the sovereignty and holiness of God. 🙂

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