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Say “Thank You!”

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ADMINISTRATIVE NOTE:

I have a busy week this week with our children home from school on a winter break and some extra work. I will get to emails and comments as I am able to.  I apologize in advance that I may not be able to be as prompt as I would like to be.  Thanks for your understanding and patience!  You are more than welcome to comment here.  I know many of you will encourage each other.  I love what an amazing group we have and how you support, respect, love and build up each other.  THANK YOU for that!  I am so grateful for each of you!!!!!!

THIS WEEK’S CHALLENGE

I have another little challenge for you, ladies!  Last week was the SMILE challenge.  I’d love to hear some reports about how that has gone. 🙂

If your husband does something that blesses you, something that you benefit from in any way – THANK him.

Smile, have a friendly voice, thank him and maybe even give him a real hug, too!

I know, it’s crazy, right!?!?!!? 🙂

In a man’s world, spoken or visible appreciation is HUGE!  For your husband,  hearing “thank you” or “Great job, Honey!” may actually mean more to him than a long love letter from you or even the words, “I love  you.”

If you haven’t been thanking him – it may feel a bit awkward at first to thank your husband.  That’s ok!  You can do this!  Don’t expect anything back from him.  Just thank him because God commands us to “give thanks in all circumstances for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus.”  I Thessalonians 5:18

When should we thank our husbands?  Here are some of my suggestions for your consideration.  Don’t do all of these at once!  Spread them out.  Maybe do one every day or so, or thank him as he does some of these things.  Make it a new habit.  Be sincere.):

  • Thank him for working to provide for the family sometimes, even if you work too, even if you make more money than he does.  Most men view providing financially as the primary way they show love to their families. (From Shaunti Feldhahn’s book “For Women Only”)
  • When he has had a particularly difficult day – THANK HIM for working so hard to take care of his family.
  • When he helps with the children.  Yes, they are his children, too, but it is a great thing to thank him for taking some of the burden off of you.  He is blessing you.  He could be at a bar or sitting in front of the TV ignoring the kids.  Even if he is doing something we think he “should” do, we can thank him and appreciate him. This encourages him to be more involved as a father.  Men respond to appreciation, admiration and genuine praise. It motivates them to do even better.  Aren’t we all like that, really?  Don’t we all want to do even more when someone shows real appreciation?
  • Thank him for complimenting you when he does and ACCEPT his compliments graciously.
  • ANYTIME he does any kind of chores around the house (thank him, don’t criticize him!  Especially if you would like him to continue to help  you!)
  • Thank him for his leadership, for carrying that weight in the family, even if he hasn’t started leading yet.  You can step down and allow him space and time to start leading, and you can thank him for his leadership.  There may even be ways he does try to lead that you could appreciate that you hadn’t noticed before.
  • Thank him when he gets something for you at the store.
  • Thank him any time he buys you something.  Thank him for his thoughtfulness and generosity!
  • Thank him for taking care of the yard or the cars or for fixing things around the house.  SMILE and thank him and tell him when he does a good job.  Avoid criticizing how he does things as much as possible.  Let him experience having a fully happy wife, a content wife.  That is every husband’s greatest dream!!!  To do something for his wife and for her to be completely satisfied with his efforts.
  • Thank him for taking you and your children to church if he does, or thank him for allowing you to go if he does not go with you.
  • Thank him for disciplining the children, stand behind his decisions as a father.
  • Thank him for being a great dad.
  • Thank him for being a wonderful husband.
  • Thank him for his strengths – his strong work ethic, his patience, his forgiving spirit, his eye for detail, his careful decision making, his responsible driving, his character, his integrity, his faith in Christ, his carefulness with money, etc…
  • Thank him for being faithful to his wedding vows to you if he has been.  “Honey, I just want to tell you that it means the WORLD to me that you have been faithful to me in our marriage.  Thank you for being a man of your word and for being a man of integrity.”
  • Thank him for being here with you and for the honor of being his wife.
  • Thank him for bringing fun into your life and family.
  • Appreciate his sense of humor.
  • Thank/appreciate him in front of your children often and in front of other people – this makes most husbands feel like they are on top of the world!
  • Thank him for the difference he makes in the world by doing a good job at his profession.
  • Thank him if he sends you a sweet text/email.
  • Thank him for coming home and being with you and the family.
  • Thank him for eating supper with you.
  • Thank him/appreciate him for having sex with you or cuddling with you.

HUSBANDS:

What would it mean to you for you to hear your wife say, “Thank you” for the things you do for her and your family?  How much does it mean to see her smile a real smile and to tell you how much she appreciates your efforts?  I would love to hear from you!

LADIES:

Let me know how things go!

17 thoughts on “Say “Thank You!”

  1. I was just thinking about this recently. Last year as a newlywed I was seeking advice not understanding the male perspective and wanting to be a good wife -the male Christian counselor I was speaking with gave this advise of thanking my husband for everything and gave a couple of similar examples. Very new concept to me. For going to work? Yes. Ok yeah that is a big thing. For remembering to stop for milk? Yes. For sending a text? Yes. For every little thing? Yes. Truthfully it did feel extremely awkward at first. I don’t think I was taking him for granted before but we both have to do big and little things for each other every day to make our life work, right? And gosh to me at first it almost felt like how I might deal with a little kid! Ok I can do it and yes I want to be more thoughtful of my husband than anyone else. I do practice this and now it’s very natural and I think he does need it very much and I really enjoy noticing how he helps us and how he blesses me—and I truly am a lucky wife with a great husband!! I’m glad to have gotten this advise a year ago because knowing my husband even better now I see how much he does need the appreciation and hugs for even the little things. I try to thank him for everything-driving us somewhere safely, being considerate of my family, folding a load of laundry, making the travel plans, emptying the dishwasher…Uh oh!thought of a few–I’m slacking today. But anyway, ever since I learned this I’ve wondered something—if hearing thank you and appreciation is important to a man why do they not express it more often themselves? As in, if they naturally like to be thanked for the little things everyday wouldn’t they naturally notice and verbally appreciate the little things done for them? It’s not like a lightbulb went off when the counselor taught me this “Oh now I see why he is thanking me left and right-I do need to reciprocate-how rude of me!” Not so much. 🙂 Just curious. Thank you for any insight! I think I may have made a mistake with how I handled a conversation this morning but I’m learning! Thank you for the reminder-he is getting a big hug and thank you for a couple things when he gets home.

    1. Anon,
      I’m so excited that you learned this already! 🙂 It does become more natural in time as we make appreciation and thanksgiving a habit.

      Men tend to try to show their appreciation and love more by actions, many times, than with words. So, many times, the way a husband shows “I love you” or “I appreciate you” is by filling your tank with gas, stopping by the store for you, inviting you to cuddle/relax with him, working hard to provide well so you will have what you want and need, etc.

      If you appreciate him verbally thanking you, too – then take a moment to praise him when he does show appreciation verbally. 🙂

      Much love!

    2. Anon, I am happy for you that you are learning this stuff as a newlywed. I am married almost 17 years, and with our relationship hanging by a thread, I’m just learning this stuff now.

      I really relate to your comment when you say – it feels like how you might deal with a little kid. That’s exactly the part that’s been hardest for me. I mean, I have heard advice over the years that men need praise, but it always boggled my mind to think of why I had to make such a big deal about the smallest things? Things that you would think he would want to do anyway, and/or be proud of himself for doing regardless of what I thought. I agree with you – it really felt like I would have to treat him like a kid, and out of **genuine respect** for him, I didn’t want to do that. It felt condescending. It truly felt DISrespectful to say thank you for things that I believed any responsible human being should be doing anyway. I was convinced that “he was better than that” and didn’t need such petty encouragement.

      Well, I know better now. I have become aware of the destruction that I have caused over the years, and I am truly remorseful. I am trying my hardest to change my ways by withholding my complaints and being genuine with my positive comments. It’s a work-in-progress. I see that it is helping, but things are still strained. My undying faith in God’s healing touch convinces me that our relationship will eventually be strong. For now, it’s just one day at a time.

      I welcome any prayers for my marriage. I know that God’s guiding light led me to this blog, and I am thankful for the camaraderie and support in this group.
      Praise to my first husband, Jesus Christ – and to my earthly one too!

  2. Oh my, April. Your list just opened my eyes a bit further. I usually do thank my husband for many of the things on your list, and I am genuinely grateful that he does them for me & the kids. BUT I never really realized how GOOD he is at almost all of them! I realized as I was reading through how ridiculous I have been for so long not allowing him to lead our family! He’s not a man who struggles to do these things well. In fact, he’s very thorough. Sure we both stumble, but I KNOW many of my fellow sisters have husbands who don’t do many or all of these things at all. 🙁

    As I take on this challenge this week, it is with new eyes of thankfulness. Grateful for the extremely competant, hard-working, funny, providing, helping, complimenting, time-spending,strong, faithful, disciplined, fun, sweet, interesting, attentive, patient, caring, thorough, reliable (I could go on. . ) BEST husband and father we could ever ask for 🙂

    Thank you for a much needed reminder 🙂

  3. The smile challenge really made a difference in my marriage this past week. My husband couldnt believe how happy I was. I didnt realize that putting on a smile everyday would change the mood in my house. My husband was also way more affectionate last week as a result! Thanks April for these challenges.

  4. I can sure see how much appreciation impacts my husband in a big way. He thrives on it and I appreciate this reminder. Thank you!

    A couple of Christmases ago, I created one of those 52 Things I Love About You decks of playing cards you see on Pinterest and around the internet, which is basically 52 statements of appreciation. I discovered that it made me more grateful creating it, and he told me it was the best present anyone ever gave him. He beamed as he told his family about it. And it only cost me a dollar for the deck of cards.

  5. This is kind of tricky, from my perspective, anyway I think as husbands, we could do a lot better job modeling this behavior, not only for our wives, but for our children. As far as how it affects me, if my wife is showing genuine appreciation for things I do, it does make me willing to do more. At the same time, we are instructed to do everything as if serving the Lord, and not men ( or our wives). I think, it’s good for both the husband and the wife for the wife to practice this for two reasons: 1) so that the wife does not take her husband for granted, and 2) as a counteraction to the voices in his head. I think especially if a wife has spent a lot of time in the past criticizing her husband, she most likely feels she is entitled, not only to the things he does for her, but to have them done in the manner that she dictates.The husband in this situation, while realizing that he shouldn’t necessarily be looking for praise ( we are only doing our due, we are unworthy servants), it would be helpful in that it would help him know that he is on the right track in taking care of his wife and children. The voices in my head are constantly telling me what I’m NOT doing right, or that I’m doing them for selfish reasons (so she’ll have sex generally). Perhaps the scripture, “Out do one another in showing honor”, would reflect best how I look at this, for both husbands and wives.

  6. Since I found this blog, I’ve become much better at remembering to thank my husband for the many, MANY things he does for us.

    This year on January 1, I bought a little journal and began writing a “thank you” note to him for each and every day. My plan is to do this for the entire year and give it to him on New Year’s Day 2015. It helps me remember the little things he does each day, when I have it all written down, and it reminds me to verbally thank him or leave him a little post-it note every now and then too!

    1. Thank you Melissa. I have the perfect gift for hubby by Jan 2015. Real great idea.
      And thank you peaceful wife. If we are not careful, we tend to take things, especially the little things for granted because well, it is our right after all.
      May God give us wives the grace to make this a habit with the hubby.
      Amen
      E’

  7. Just sharing~~ I had a conversation with my husband this past weekend about how much saying thank you and appreciation means to him. It was very eye opening to me that a simple thank you matters so much to him. It encouraged me to work on this more faithfully.

  8. I used to be so bad at “please” and “thank you”. It used to upset my husband because he grew up in a huge family of kids who all said please and thank you. In my defense, my life is busy, at work I spend the entire day, making decisions, directing and delegating work, asking for status, etc, etc. All in a fast paced environment. We have an “assume the please and thank you” rule.

    It was hard to switch that off at home or when talking to family. Mark used to always say, “I don’t report to you”.Or he would say, “Sure, I’ll have a side of please and Thank you with that order.”.. 🙂

    It took a long time to train my brain to be in home mode. Now I say please and thank you most of the time. When I forget my husband throws it in there. Or says, “And really she meant Please and Thank you”. It really does make a difference in how he responds and feels.

    Gail

  9. I appreciate this list & challenge, April. While I thank my husband for many things, I’ve wondered why it never seems to make a difference. I heard myself saying “thank you” to him tonight & heard my tone. Yikes! A bit condescending & not so genuine sounding. The sad thing is, I really did mean it but the tone has become such a habit that I don’t even realize I’m using it! I’ve been focused on making sure I say thank you & forgetting why I want & need to thank him. My challenge this week is to say thank you & say it with a loving tone that really shows the appreciation behind it. Who knew something so simple could make such an impact?!

    1. I am SO SO GLAD that you realized about your tone of voice! That is REALLY important. 🙂 I am excited that you are going to make your thank you truly a blessing to your husband. WOOHOO!

  10. After 37 yrs of marriage, I have learned to say “Thank you” in response to my husband’s “I love you!”. Somehow, the more typical response of “I love you too”, seemed to lack something important. Of course I want to tell him that he is loved, but I also want to communicate that by saying “thank you”, I recognize that his love is a gift he OFFERS. Saying thank you, I think, lets him know that I don’t take his love (or his verbalizing it) for granted, and that I am very grateful for that love.
    I guess it is a little like when we teach our children to include a “will you please forgive me?” in their apologies to one another. If the only thing that is said is “I am sorry”, then the comment is very one-dimensional. But once a “will you forgive me?” is offered, the value of the offended person is affirmed. Once forgiveness is offered in return, the value of the offender is affirmed as well. Both have humbly surrendered their rights, fellowship is fully restored, and God is glorified. =)

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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