Greg and April – celebrating Greg’s birthday last week
Whatever we “feed” will grow.
- If I focus on the bad in my husband – I will have no problem finding bad things to meditate on. That is what I did for 14+ years. I was really good at it.
- If I focus on the good in my husband – I can find those things, too. This is what I have been doing for 5 years – I am now just as good at finding the good things in Greg that I can appreciate as I used to be at finding the bad things to criticize and condemn. That is a total God thing, not an April thing!
My mind is incredibly powerful. What I choose to think about changes the way I see people. When I choose to think about the negative and focus on the bad things, eventually, that is all I can see. And when I choose to think about the good things in my husband, eventually, I hardly notice the bad things anymore.
ONE GOOD THING
Even if the only good thing you can think of is that “he is still here” like the wife in Love and Respect (Dr Emerson Eggerichs) did- you can run with that idea! She would say things to praise her husband about that one thing she could find that was good. He hadn’t left her yet. So, she’d walk by him in the living room sometimes and rub his shoulders and say things like, “It’s so nice having you around.” or “I’m so glad you are here.” or “It’s great having a man like you to come home to.” Just by her focusing on that one small positive attribute her attitude began to change. She started to see other good things about her husband – and then her whole marriage began to heal. Thankfulness was a great first step in the right direction!
GRATITUDE IS A LIFESTYLE FOR BELIEVERS
Thankfulness isn’t just a “nice thing to do.” Did you know that God commands us to be thankful?? Not only that, it is part of His will for us to be thankful. If we are full of His Spirit, gratitude should be part of our “native tongue.”
Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thessalonians 5:16-18
Let me give you some examples that I am thankful for in my husband (my list started out much shorter 5 years ago – but as I continue to live to seek to be thankful, I see more and more to be thankful for). See if you don’t recognize some of these strengths in your own man.
- a good provider
- stable emotionally/spiritually
- talented with remodelling projects
- great with tools/machines
- technically savvy
- a good listener
- a wise leader
- great with sports and strategy games
- good at enjoying life
- great at relaxing and having fun
- responsible with money
- peaceful – doesn’t yell or get violent
- very easy going
- loyal to me, our children, God, his job
- not easily angered or upset
- great at research
- a fast learner
- able to conquer just about anything he sets his mind to!
- devoted to God
- faithful to make sure we go to a Bible-believing church
- faithful to support our children learning the Bible by taking them to AWANA at church
- supportive of me as a mom
- helpful with chores
- an involved dad who plays with the children and makes them feel special and loved
- faithful to spend a lot of his time off at home with me and our children
- careful to respect me as his wife, a mom and a pharmacist
- loving toward me even when I mess up
- an emotional and spiritual rock for me
- protective of me when I overextend myself
- gives wise counsel to me and to our children
I am sure you can probably come up with others for your own husband, too. But it’s really interesting – as I began to focus on the positive qualities my husband has, and I quit bringing up and thinking about negative things- the positive, wonderful things began to grow bigger and bigger!
I’d like to encourage you to start a list of the things you admire, respect, are proud of and appreciate about your husband. Keep it with you when you pray for him and thank God for your husband’s strengths. Keep adding to the list as you see qualities you admire. Meditate on the good things about your man.
Maybe some time this week, you can tell him or text/email him just a sentence or two about something you admire and appreciate about him.
It would be a great day to list some of our incredible God’s amazing qualities and praise and thank Him for Who He is, too!
A verse I believe we could all benefit from memorizing and applying to our marriages and our lives: