I never get tired of hearing about and sharing what God is doing in people’s lives. That is the greatest joy I get to experience doing this work for God. I am so very blessed to have a front row seat to watch Him changing people and bringing glory to Himself in women’s hearts and in their marriages and families. Sometimes I just want to burst I am so overflowing with joy every day. A big thank you to these wives for allowing me to share!
*** Administrative note – I am going to have very little computer time for the next week. I will handle comments and emails as I am able to. 🙂 Thanks for understanding!
WIFE 1 – DEALING WITH A CRITICAL HUSBAND
My dear Sister, Good Morning,
It has been two weeks now and I am doing very good. All these years I’ve been trying to change my husband and I never submitted myself to God. Now things have changed drastically and my husband verbally says that he is seeing so much change in me. Although he brings up his cutting remarks here and there – that doesn’t affect me at all now.
When his words are hurting I ask God to show me where I should change here, maybe he is right. If God also feels the same way – (I don’t try to justify) myself. I just keep quiet.
This happened today morning, my husband was telling me about how I should handle better when our little ones fight for toys. I was quiet even though I had different opinion and can feel the Holy Spirit talking inside me to be quiet and listen since my husband had been right before. My husband said he feels like talking to a wall since I am not acknowledging his words, then I realized that I’ve been talking inside me all this time and told him
“Ok, I understand. I’m thinking about your words”.
He was very happy when I said that. He went to take a shower to get ready for work and came back and told me that while he was taking a shower God spoke to him that I am special and he should be considerate of me. I was so moved and felt the love of God flooding me and thanked God for speaking for me.
Now I know that my husband can hear God’s voice only when we are silent. Or only our voice will be ringing in his head. How true!!
I thank you for making me understand this truth. I can really enjoy the peace of God nowadays.
Your series of FAQ’s are very good and helpful.
Your ministry is a blessing to me.
FROM PEACEFULWIFE:
There are times when we need to share our feelings, times we need to share when we are hurt, and some times that responding with silence is best when our husbands are critical. I’d love for us to listen without defending ourselves when our husbands offer criticism, to see if God might have something to tell us through them. The most important thing is for us to be sensitive to God’s Spirit’s promptings about what to say and what not to say!
WIFE 2 – HOW A WIFE’S SUBMISSION BRINGS OUT THE BEST IN BOTH SPOUSES
April,
I cannot tell you how much I’ve enjoyed reading this blog.
Even though I considered myself a woman of wisdom (age 57) who tried hard to apply Christian principles in my life, your articles have shown me I still have many improvements to make, and this has been truly humbling. I never really understood how subjection to my husband would ultimately bring out the best in us both, but I’ve already seen that it works.
We are undergoing more than the usual stress now because we moved and are renovating a building on a very limited budget. A few days ago we discussed whether or not to keep the older carpet in the bedroom; I didn’t want to keep and my husband did. We both presented valid reasons for our opinions. My husband listened to mine, and I listened to his, and afterwards, I said I would trust him to make the decision that was in our best interests, with all the information we had discussed.
He looked at me in surprise and said, “Yes, but I don’t just want you to give in to me but then be miserable every time you look at it, and then it would be all my fault.”
I told him I would truly accept his decision, and that meant I would focus on all the positives of keeping the carpet instead of the negative ones.
This was a turning point, April.
I learned–TRULY–that submission to my husband doesn’t mean I have no voice or influence; it just means that I TRUST my husband to do what’s best for us both, and can CHOOSE to see either the positive or negative side of whatever decision he makes.
When I saw the look on his face at this point, I wanted to cry, because it was suddenly tender. He said he thought we should ask the carpet cleaner–who he had arranged to come and give us an estimate for the cleaning–his opinion, and I agreed. The next morning, he thanked me for entrusting him with the decision, but said that his decision was to ask me if I would talk with the carpet cleaner and make the decision based on his professional advice.
- If I had kept arguing to do what I firmly believed was best, both of us would have been unhappy.
- But trusting my husband resulted in both of us feeling respected.
As it is, the carpet is going because that’s what the cleaner recommended. But even if it weren’t, I would be at peace.
Thank you again, April, for bringing such wonderful, godly counsel and reminders into our daily lives.
May God richly bless you!
Elizabeth
Peace be unto you today!
Thank you, brother Daryl! And may God grant you His peace as well.
🙂
I too have been blessed beyond comprehension reading and learning from your blog. When I first started learning and applying what I learned to my everyday life, i could see changes in my husband’s demeanor. I think the first couple of things I started doing was being quiet most of the time (so he could hear God not me) and I started thanking him when he would do something like fix something in the house that needed fixing. After a few weeks of that, I noticed he started thanking me for cooking dinner and telling me how awesome it tasted.
It’s been a long hard road for me but I finally got to “that place” you told me I would have to get to which is finding happiness only in the Lord. What a difference that has made! I still cry…a LOT, but it mostly when I pray. Any time that I let satan start putting thoughts in my head, I immediately tell him to get behind me and out of my head and call on the Lord to replace those thoughts with good thoughts and He does!! There is no waiting either! I now look at all the little things my husband does that says “I do really still love you” and not at the things that feel “unloving” to me, and those unloving things are getting very few and far between!
Thank you April (and Greg) for all the hard work and time you put in to your posts. It seems every one of them are perfectly timed for me and if I let myself get down in the dumps, I get on here and pick out a topic that goes along with my “debbie downer moment” and wow!!!
I love the posts from the husbands because it looks like MY husband wrote them and that helps me even more to learn to respect, submit and love my husband like God intended. I don’t know why I had to be 58 years old before I learned all this, but I pray that I can be of help to women along the way with what I’ve learned and continue to learn. I am buying “Love & Respect” for all the females in my family including the teenage ones for Christmas this year! They may not read it for several years, but they will one day…I can be sure of that!!
LTL,
I LOVE hearing all that God is doing in you! I hope you might allow me to share the first part of your comment in a post. I love how you describe the stages you went through and what God has taught you.
POWERFUL STUFF my precious sister!!!!! 🙂
I have had a number of women comment this week that a wife shouldn’t “have to” thank her husband for things that “he should be doing.”
But God commands us as believers to be thankful and to focus on the good. Speaking our gratitude should be our mother tongue as disciples of Christ. Look how God used your thankful speech to influence your husband to also focus on gratitude. Expressing gratitude is always beautiful in my book!
You made my day my friend!
Thank you so much for taking time to share. 🙂
I appreciate you sharing the First Ladies post, I can relate to her story. My husband is a Marine who suffers from PTSD. He doesn’t like excuses, Just wants things done. I am learning to not question all his actions, he just trust that he is making the right decisions as the head of our home. I pray several times a day, and cry many many tears. I had prayed to The Lord please open his eyes to how he talks to me, The Lord did open eyes. They were mine, he let me know I was placing my sins on my husbands and I was thinking my faults were his faults. I have come to realize through The Lord that my sins are just that, MINE. My husbands critical tongue towards me was due to my failure of not being the Woman that God called me to be. I questioned everything my husband done, and I do mean everything. I thought I was a good Godly wife, I cooked, I cleaned, made sure his clothes were clean and every time he wanted me to rub his head or neck I never said no. I was missing the BIG picture, I was disrespecting my husband by questioning him all the time. I’ve grown a lot since Janurary of this year, but I’ve still got a long ways to go. I know I will get this right, but only with The Lord’s help. Any woman can be the Wife that your commanded to be, you just have to find Christ within you. He’ll never leave or forsake you.
Respectthyhusband,
I am so sorry for your pain!
But I am REALLY, REALLY glad God is opening your eyes!
Some husbands are overly critical. That is their own sin.
Your husband is responsible for his sin.
You are responsible for yours.
If you realize you are exasperating your husband with your behavior and words – then you are responsible for that part of the issue.
As one spouse obeys God, he/she makes it easier for the other spouse to obey God.
If one spouse sins against the other, it makes it harder for the other spouse to obey God and easier for the other one to sin.
Most men would feel disrespected when they are constantly questioned – but a former marine would probably be even more sensitive to that! Marines are taught to obey without questioning those over them. It is considered extreme disrespect to a commanding officer if a marine questions orders.
As a woman, I can relate to this if my children constantly question my decisions. Or, if a mother or mother-in-law were to say, “Why would you use THOSE dishes? THESE would have been much better.” You can pick up on how disrespectful it could feel to feel questioned all the time.
It is not that you can’t ask questions ever – but if you could tone it down a lot, that would be wise. Then don’t ask “why” “why would you?” “why did you?” imply that you don’t trust your husband.
Instead, asking, “I am feeling a bit confused. Would you please explain things in a bit more detail to me? I want to be sure I understand correctly.”
That approach might go over a lot better!
But even if you use this approach, but use it every single time he ever says anything- it will annoy him!
Men love to feel trusted and to see that we have faith in them. Part of that is trusting is that we don’t feel a need to constantly question them about every statement or every decision.
If you have an example you’d like to share of a time he said something and you questioned, I can give you some suggestions of different ways to approach him.
But in general – trust that he has your best interests in mind and that he loves you unless he has given you serious reasons not to believe his motives toward you are good.
Much love,