I told him that the Lord was dealing with my heart and has shown me that I need to respect him as my husband if I am to truly be obedient to the Lord.
We talked for about an hour and half. He really did not react other than saying he’ll see how serious I am by seeing my actions. I tried to kiss him on the cheek afterward but he said no and began to get angry when I tried twice (I tried twice because I still cannot believe he does not soften or break at all!!)
I walked away feeling hopeful.
Hopeful only because I did what I thought the Lord wanted me to do, and not really because of anything my husband said or did. I’ve been trying to talk to him a little here and there but for the most part, he still does not want to have anything to do with me. He does not want to eat together, does not want me to cook for him, does not want to be in the same room as me (he walks out, other than when we go to bed) and there is NO talking.
He wakes up angry at me and goes to bed angry at me. He is not a very expressive, jovial person by nature but now it’s really oppressive. And to him, all this is in the name of “truth”.
I’m trying to be kind to him but not nagging him, loving to him but not aggravating to him.
I am trusting the Lord and hope we get a breakthrough sometime soon. I am trying to keep the joy of the Lord and the peace of the Lord in my soul in the midst of this. I know that only the Lord can touch him because although he says he’s a Christian, I don’t know that he actually experienced or experiences the love of Jesus Christ and know, I mean really know, the truth of what He did for us. If he did, I just can’t see how he would would be treating me his wife, or even a sister in the Lord, like this. That is where I need to look at him, like you said before, as someone who is lost and needs to experience the love of God, and maybe that is through me. Not easy. I miss him.
I am also praying the Lord bring into my life some good Christian girlfriends or activities to take up some of my time because it’s very lonely here when he continues to ignore me, day after day.
I have been reading your posts every day and some others that have helped in living with difficult/unloving Christian husbands. The information and encouragement of scriptures have been a blessing. I wonder if there is something more I need to be doing now, other than confess my sins to the Lord and to my husband and praying. Something to maybe help break through this silence that is screaming to me day and night.
Thanks April, for listening.
- Smile – just to bless him and just to honor Christ – and because you have joy in Jesus and all He has done and is going to do!
- When you do speak, use a pleasant tone of voice and a friendly facial expression to bless him. Picture Jesus behind his shoulder. Jesus counts everything you do for your husband as if you are doing it for Him!
- Don’t push words. Allow him to be silent without trying to force or coerce him into talking.
- I wouldn’t say a lot of things right now, BUT, when you see him in the morning, you can certainly say a cheerful, “Good morning!” Just to bless him WITHOUT expecting any acknowledgment in return. Smile and say, “Welcome home, Honey!” in the evening. I think you can also say friendly things occasionally. And you can mention things that are interesting and things that are going on in your life – but I would be BRIEF.
- You can also say sincere things every once in awhile – maybe one of these every other day or so – like:
- I’m really glad you’re here
- I’m honored/glad to get to be your wife.
- I love living here with you.
- I like having a man like you around the house.
- I’m feeling so happy today (when you are full of God’s joy)!
- Nonchalantly walk into the room and say, “I was just thinking about some of the things I respect about you…” then leave the room continuing about your chores or whatever you are doing. (have at least 4-5 things ready to list in case he asks you “What things?” If he asks. Smile and tell him the things on your list, and then continue on about your business.). This is from Love and Respect by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.
- Thank you for working to provide so well for us.
- (If he fixes something or cuts the grass or does ANYTHING around the house that requires effort) Thank you SO much, Honey!
- Continue to focus on Romans 12:9-21, I Peter 3:1-6, I Corinthians 13:4-8, Philippians 4:4-8
- Find your joy, your identity, your purpose, your contentment, your peace, your strength, and the fulfillment of every need in Christ alone.
- As soon as you find yourself discouraged, disappointed, frustrated… check your motives. Be sure you are only doing these things to please Jesus, not to try to control or change your husband.
- Accept your husband exactly as he is, even if he never changes.
- Think of this as your mission from God – to bless this man and to obey God as you live your life before him. How can you bless him today? How can you meet his masculine needs for honor and respect? How can you graciously support his leadership?
- Ask God to give you His love for your husband.
- Write down a list, and continue to add to it – of things you genuinely respect about your husband.
- Write down the things your husband has done to hurt you – and tear it up, burn it – and forgive him completely in the power of Christ.
- Keep your mind occupied with praise songs, scripture and thanksgiving.
- Spend a LOT of time in God’s Word and in prayer each day.
- We will pray for God to provide godly girl friends!