The Respect Dare, Day 3 – Nina Roesner poses some questions to wives to assess how they are doing in a number of areas of their lives. They are GREAT questions!!!
She asks some probing questions about how we are doing as disciples of Christ, as household managers, as communicators, and as confident and assured women.
To get the most out of The Respect Dare – I would strongly suggest
- only doing ONE dare each day.
- it’s ok if you have to skip days sometimes if necessary.
- write down your answers on paper and really think about your answers to her questions.
You are welcome to share any of your answers to The Respect Dare questions or any thoughts about the questions on my post today.
What is God most speaking to your heart?
Is there something He would like to change in you?
What feelings are you having?
What concerns do you have?
What would happen if God helped you to grow a lot in some of these weaker areas in the next 3 months – what would that mean for your relationship with Christ and your husband?
I HAVE MY OWN TEST TO SHARE WITH YOU TODAY:
Here is a great test to see where you are as as a godly wife and woman in God’s eyes.
This may be painful. Whenever there are things God wants to convict us about – it is definitely painful. I am not asking questions to bring guilt or worldly sorrow that leads to death. My prayer is that if God shows you something that He desires to change in your life, that you might be open to His Spirit working in you. The pain can be intense at first, but then if you have godly sorrow over your sin, that leads to humility, true repentance and then the ABUNDANT LIFE of Christ and spiritual riches and treasures beyond your wildest imagination!
In Christ, you can truly be set free from your sinful nature and from specific sins and live in the power of His Spirit with His supernatural love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control flooding through your soul and bursting out of your life every day. That is the life I want for you and that is the life God wants for you. Thankfully, He shows us the way to get there!
Please get out a piece of paper and mark a tally for any of these items on Part 1 that apply in your heart about your marriage on a daily or weekly basis:
- I think about divorce sometimes, or fantasize about leaving my husband. I think marrying this man was a mistake.
- I imagine being with a better man, thinking that my problems would be solved if I just had a great husband.
- I drown my disappointment and pain in alcohol/drugs/workaholism/perfectionism/control/spending money/addictions.
- I set my heart on things that I just KNOW will make me happy. If I could just have X, I would be content and everything would be great.
- I have a lot of anger, resentment, unforgiveness and bitterness towards my husband and maybe towards other people, too. I hold grudges.
- I want to forgive sometimes, but it just seems impossible to really forgive. I have been hurt too much.
- I talk about my husband in a negative way to other people. I feel like I am trapped and powerless to do anything to change my situation – and I just have to get the weight of all of this off of my chest by venting to my friends, family and coworkers. Then they’ll see how wrong my husband is and they will understand why I have to act the way I do.
- I encourage other wives to talk negatively about their husbands.
- I am primarily concerned with my rights, my desires, my wants and getting my way. If I don’t get what I want, I am going to explain why I should get what I want until my husband until he gives me what I want. I am pretty insistent on doing things my way.
- If I am provoked, I will scream, cuss, throw things, call names or say hateful things to my husband and maybe even to other people in my life. If people would just treat me right, I would be able to be more respectful.
- I compare my husband to other men a lot, and I compare my life to the lives of others and feel like I have gotten a rotten deal in life. I deserve so much more than this.
- I look at porn or flirt with other men or message/email/text/call/visit with other men. I like the attention other men give me. My husband never compliments me anymore. I need some male attention. Flirting never hurt anyone. I know I would never have an affair, so it’s no big deal.
- I like to dress to turn other men’s heads.
- I like to use sarcasm and am pretty skilled at making my husband the target of my jokes and criticism.
- I often point out the things my husband does wrong to others.
- I complain when I don’t like something.
- I have a lot of regrets about how I treat people.
- I want things to be perfect, and tend to focus on things that aren’t right in others and in our home so I can fix them and make things as perfect as possible.
- I tell God that my husband needs to change and needs to change NOW. He is impossible to live with. He’s unloving and unplugged or, he’s unloving and mean.
- My husband is not a good spiritual leader. I tell him all the things he needs to do to be more godly, but he won’t listen to me. Nothing seems to change.
- If I want something, I am going to do whatever it takes to have it.
- I withhold myself sexually from my husband to teach him a lesson many times, to show him he can’t treat me the way he does.
- I only give myself sexually to my husband when I am in the mood or if I want something from him.
- I believe that I am always right and my husband is always wrong. If he would just do what I say, everything would be fine!
- When I am hormonal, I feel totally out of control and I think, say and do the most awful things.
- If my husband doesn’t like my best friend, I continue to visit and talk with her as much as I want to. After all, she and I have been BFFs longer than my husband and I have been married.
- I expect my husband to make me happy and be responsible for my emotions. If I am upset, it is his job to fix it.
- My mind is always swirling with worry and fear about the future and how I am going to make things work out right.
- I only have peace for a few moments, and then my mind uncontrollably keeps playing the same “videos” over and over again of things people have done to hurt me or things that I am worried and afraid about. I feel very anxious a lot of times.
- I expect to be treated like the heroine in a romantic movie or like a Disney princess by my husband. I wish he would be as romantic as the men in romance novels and movies.
- If I don’t make things work out right, everything will be a disaster.
- I am very concerned about what my parents and my husband’s parents, our siblings and friends think. I try to make everyone around me happy. It is exhausting! I hate for other people to be upset with me.
- If I don’t tell my husband what to do and how to do it, everything will fall apart!
Please start a new section or column and make a tally mark beside all of these items in Part 2 that generally apply on a frequent (weekly or daily) basis in your life:
- I am able to respond gently with love and respect even when my husband is unloving or unkind to me.
- I have joy and peace in Christ no matter what my husband does or does not do.
- It is really important to me to spend significant amounts of time in prayer and in God’s Word every day. I can’t make it without that time!
- I have my heart completely set on Jesus – I want HIM, His will and His glory more than anything else in my life by a long shot.
- I rarely lose my temper with my husband.
- I understand how to treat my husband with respect and seek to show him unconditional respect out of reverence for God and His Word.
- I set an atmosphere of peace in our home. Our home is emotionally and spiritually an oasis and sanctuary for my husband and family.
- I do not raise my voice at my husband or roll my eyes or sigh when I disagree with him. I know I am responsible to God for my response to my husband no matter what my husband has done to me.
- I appreciate my husband and am thankful for him on a daily basis.
- I practice gratitude towards God daily for the countless number of blessings He has given me.
- If my husband has concerns, I listen to him carefully and try to cooperate with his wisdom.
- I view suffering as an opportunity to grow in my faith and to draw nearer to Christ and shine for Him.
- When my husband is having a bad day, I try to think of something I can do to cheer him up, surprise him or take some stress off of his shoulders. Or, I know when I need to leave him alone and give him the gift of space and quiet so he can think and process. I am gracious about this gift. I don’t resent him needing some time to himself.
- I like serving my husband. It’s an honor. I’m glad to do it.
- My goal is to please Christ, and after that, to please my husband – the opinions of other people don’t really matter much to me compared to seeking praise from God. If other family or friends or coworkers disapprove of me or my husband or are upset with me, I am able to seek to love them and treat them with respect but I am not devastated if I don’t have others’ approval.
- I see the good in other people, including my husband, and use my words to praise, encourage and affirm others.
- I am thankful for the chance to make our house a home and to take care of it. It is a way I show love and respect for my husband and family.
- I don’t freak out about small things, but am able to roll with the punches and be flexible when unexpected problems crop up.
- I don’t get upset if my husband leaves a mess sometimes. I’m so glad he’s in my life and we get to live together.
- If I want something, I ask for what I want politely and respectfully with a pleasant tone of voice and a smile.
- If I don’t get what I want, I am gracious and accepting of “no” and “wait.” I am more concerned with God’s will than my will.
- If things go wrong, I am generally able to respond with grace, peace and joy and keep things in proper perspective.
- I am careful not to develop close friendships with other men. I guard and protect my heart and my marriage.
- If my husband responds to me harshly, I answer gently.
- I understand that Hollywood and romantic novels do not portray real life. I avoid those things if they create a spirit of discontentment in my heart.
- I speak highly of my husband to other people.
- I very rarely argue with or complain to my husband.
- I have faith in my husband. I know I can trust him. (Or, I am working to rebuild lost trust and I want to learn to trust him again.)
- I have faith that God will lead me through my husband, even if my husband sometimes makes mistakes.
- I trust God to speak to my husband and grow him spiritually without me having to verbally prod him or lecture my husband about spiritual things. If my husband is far from God right now, I don’t talk about spiritual things, the Bible or church. I allow my glowing joy in Christ, my spirit of willing cooperation with my husband’s leadership and my genuine respect for the good in my husband to draw him to Christ. I trust God to open my husband’s spiritual eyes. I know that only God can change people and waken them to His truth.
- I trust most of my husband’s decisions and cooperate with him often.
- I try to have a spirit of saying, “yes!” to things that are important to my husband.
- I give myself freely and joyfully to my husband sexually. I don’t withhold myself.
- I am trustworthy.
- I am responsible with money, time, our children, my husband’s feelings, our home and the resources God has given to us.
- I consciously work to do good to my husband no matter what happens.
- I watch my words, my tone of voice, my facial expressions and my actions to be sure that I bless my husband and don’t become nasty, hateful, unkind or negative.
- I trust God in His sovereignty to work everything out ultimately for my good (by His definition) and for His glory, so I don’t freak out when bad things happen. I know that God is in control and I can’t lose. I might have to suffer or go through pain, but as long as I have God’s Spirit, I know I will be ok.
- I don’t worry about the future. I take my needs and concerns to God and my husband and I leave the weight of the problems there and trust God and my husband to figure things out. I say what I want and what I believe is best. I share my perspective with God and my husband. Then I rest in God’s love and peace, trusting His wisdom. And I rest in my husband’s love – trusting God to lead me through him.
This test comes from Galatians 5:19-23. It reveals whether my sinful nature or God’s Spirit is in control of my life.
- Part 1 shows what I am like when my sinful nature has control.
- Part 2 is what I am like when God’s Spirit has control.
How did you do on the quiz?
If you checked ANY of the items in Part 1 – WOW! Do I relate to you!
I could have probably only checked items in Part 1 for the first 15 years of my marriage. That is because my sinful nature was in very firmly in control back then. I had no idea how to have a Spirit-filled life. I thought I was living as a strong Christian. Unfortunately, a lot of the fruit of my life did not support my belief that I was living in God’s power and walking in obedience to Him.
If I have ANY checks in Part 1, those are areas where God wants to work and radically change my heart and mind. He wants me to die to my old sinful self, nail it to the cross, and live in the new self that Christ gives me.
Don’t worry – we will walk this road together.
God is about to do some amazing things in your life if you are willing to trust Him!
It’s about to get good. 🙂
If you only checked items in Part 2 – you probably know most of what I am going to share already. Obviously, God is very much at work in your life and His Spirit is in control. That is AWESOME! I pray that God might continue to work in you to make you more and more like Christ.
God desires us ALL to be wives who live only in the Part 2 area every day. We can’t do this on our own.
But if we trust God, seek Him above all else and allow Him to empower us – He can and will transform each of us into the godly women of His dreams!
This is a process. The process of sanctification. The process of God transforming us into the image of Christ. It is not instantaneous. That’s ok. Just be open to God and willing to do things His way each baby step of the way. Get up when you stumble. Repent and turn back to Him humbly. Seek and desire Jesus above everything. He will do the changing.