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The Respect Dare, Day 3 – My Godly Wife Report Card


The Respect Dare, Day 3 – Nina Roesner poses some questions to wives to assess how they are doing in a number of areas of their lives.  They are GREAT questions!!!

She asks some probing questions about how we are doing as disciples of Christ, as household managers,  as communicators, and as confident and assured women.

To get the most out of The Respect Dare – I would strongly suggest

  • only doing ONE dare each day.
  • it’s ok if you have to skip days sometimes if necessary.
  • write down your answers on paper and really think about your answers to her questions.

You are welcome to share any of your answers to The Respect Dare questions or any thoughts about the questions on my post today.

What is God most speaking to your heart?

Is there something He would like to change in you?

What feelings are you having?

What concerns do you have?

What would happen if God helped you to grow a lot in some of these weaker areas in the next 3 months – what would that mean for your relationship with Christ and your husband?


Here is a great test to see where you are as as a godly wife and woman in God’s eyes.

** Caution!!!**

This may be painful.  Whenever there are things God wants to convict us about – it is definitely painful.  I am not asking questions to bring guilt or worldly sorrow that leads to death.   My prayer is that if God shows you something that He desires to change in your life, that you might be open to His Spirit working in you.  The pain can be intense at first, but then if you have godly sorrow over your sin, that leads to humility, true repentance and then the ABUNDANT LIFE of Christ and spiritual riches and treasures beyond your wildest imagination!

In Christ, you can truly be set free from your sinful nature and from specific sins and live in the power of His Spirit with His supernatural love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness, faithfulness and self-control flooding through your soul and bursting out of your life every day.  That is the life I want for you and that is the life God wants for you.  Thankfully, He shows us the way to get there!

Please get out a piece of paper and mark a tally for any of these items on Part 1 that apply in your heart about your marriage on a daily or weekly basis:


  1.  I think about divorce sometimes, or fantasize about leaving my husband.  I think marrying this man was a mistake.
  2.  I imagine being with a better man, thinking that my problems would be solved if I just had a great husband.
  3. I drown my disappointment and pain in alcohol/drugs/workaholism/perfectionism/control/spending money/addictions.
  4. I set my heart on things that I just KNOW will make me happy.  If I could just have X, I would be content and everything would be great.
  5. I have a lot of anger, resentment, unforgiveness and bitterness towards my husband and maybe towards other people, too.  I hold grudges.
  6. I want to forgive sometimes, but it just seems impossible to really forgive.  I have been hurt too much.
  7. I talk about my husband in a negative way to other people.  I feel like I am trapped and powerless to do anything to change my situation – and I just have to get the weight of all of this off of my chest by venting to my friends, family and coworkers.  Then they’ll see how wrong my husband is and they will understand why I have to act the way I do.
  8. I encourage other wives to talk negatively about their husbands.
  9. I am primarily concerned with my rights, my desires, my wants and getting my way.  If I don’t get what I want, I am going to explain why I should get what I want until my husband until he gives me what I want.  I am pretty insistent on doing things my way.
  10. If I am provoked, I will scream, cuss, throw things, call names or say hateful things to my husband and maybe even to other people in my life.  If people would just treat me right, I would be able to be more respectful.
  11. I compare my husband to other men a lot, and I compare my life to the lives of others and feel like I have gotten a rotten deal in life.  I deserve so much more than this.
  12. I look at porn or flirt with other men or message/email/text/call/visit with other men.  I like the attention other men give me.  My husband never compliments me anymore.  I need some male attention.  Flirting never hurt anyone.  I know I would never have an affair, so it’s no big deal.
  13. I like to dress to turn other men’s heads.
  14. I like to use sarcasm and am pretty skilled at making my husband the target of my jokes and criticism.
  15. I often point out the things my husband does wrong to others.
  16. I complain when I don’t like something.
  17. I have a lot of regrets about how I treat people.
  18. I want things to be perfect, and tend to focus on things that aren’t right in others and in our home so I can fix them and make things as perfect as possible.
  19. I tell God that my husband needs to change and needs to change NOW.  He is impossible to live with.  He’s unloving and unplugged or, he’s unloving and mean.
  20. My husband is not a good spiritual leader.  I tell him all the things he needs to do to be more godly, but he won’t listen to me.  Nothing seems to change.
  21. If I want something, I am going to do whatever it takes to have it.
  22. I withhold myself sexually from my husband to teach him a lesson many times, to show him he can’t treat me the way he does.
  23. I only give myself sexually to my husband when I am in the mood or if I want something from him.
  24. I believe that I am always right and my husband is always wrong.  If he would just do what I say, everything would be fine!
  25. When I am hormonal, I feel totally out of control and I think, say and do the most awful things.
  26. If my husband doesn’t like my best friend, I continue to visit and talk with her as much as I want to.  After all, she and I have been BFFs longer than my husband and I have been married.
  27. I expect my husband to make me happy and be responsible for my emotions.  If I am upset, it is his job to fix it.
  28. My mind is always swirling with worry and fear about the future and how I am going to make things work out right.
  29. I only have peace for a few moments, and then my mind uncontrollably keeps playing the same “videos” over and over again of things people have done to hurt me or things that I am worried and afraid about.  I feel very anxious a lot of times.
  30. I expect to be treated like the heroine in a romantic movie or like a Disney princess by my husband.  I wish he would be as romantic as the men in romance novels and movies.
  31. If I don’t make things work out right, everything will be a disaster.
  32. I am very concerned about what my parents and my husband’s parents, our siblings and friends think.  I try to make everyone around me happy. It is exhausting!  I hate for other people to be upset with me.
  33. If I don’t tell my husband what to do and how to do it, everything will fall apart!

Please start a new section or column and make a tally mark beside all of these items in Part 2 that generally apply on a frequent (weekly or daily) basis in your life:


  1. I am able to respond gently with love and respect even when my husband is unloving or unkind to me.
  2. I have joy and peace in Christ no matter what my husband does or does not do.
  3. It is really important to me to spend significant amounts of time in prayer and in God’s Word every day.  I can’t make it without that time!
  4. I have my heart completely set on Jesus – I want HIM, His will and His glory more than anything else in my life by a long shot.
  5. I rarely lose my temper with my husband.
  6. I understand how to treat my husband with respect and seek to show him unconditional respect out of reverence for God and His Word.
  7. I set an atmosphere of peace in our home.  Our home is emotionally and spiritually an oasis and sanctuary for my husband and family.
  8. I do not raise my voice at my husband or roll my eyes or sigh when I disagree with him.  I know I am responsible to God for my response to my husband no matter what my husband has done to me.
  9. I appreciate my husband and am thankful for him on a daily basis.
  10. I practice gratitude towards God daily for the countless number of blessings He has given me.
  11. If my husband has concerns, I listen to him carefully and try to cooperate with his wisdom.
  12. I view suffering as an opportunity to grow in my faith and to draw nearer to Christ and shine for Him.
  13. When my husband is having a bad day, I try to think of something I can do to cheer him up, surprise him or take some stress off of his shoulders.  Or, I know when I need to leave him alone and give him the gift of space and quiet so he can think and process.  I am gracious about this gift.  I don’t resent him needing some time to himself.
  14. I like serving my husband.  It’s an honor.  I’m glad to do it.
  15. My goal is to please Christ, and after that, to please my husband – the opinions of other people don’t really matter much to me compared to seeking praise from God.  If other family or friends or coworkers disapprove of me or my husband or are upset with me, I am able to seek to love them and treat them with respect but I am not devastated if I don’t have others’ approval.
  16. I see the good in other people, including my husband, and use my words to praise, encourage and affirm others.
  17. I am thankful for the chance to make our house a home and to take care of it.  It is a way I show love and respect for my husband and family.
  18. I don’t freak out about small things, but am able to roll with the punches and be flexible when unexpected problems crop up.
  19. I don’t get upset if my husband leaves a mess sometimes.  I’m so glad he’s in my life and we get to live together.
  20. If I want something, I ask for what I want politely and respectfully with a pleasant tone of voice and a smile.
  21. If I don’t get what I want, I am gracious and accepting of “no” and “wait.”  I am more concerned with God’s will than my will.
  22. If things go wrong, I am generally able to respond with grace, peace and joy and keep things in proper perspective.
  23. I am careful not to develop close friendships with other men. I guard and protect my heart and my marriage.
  24. If my husband responds to me harshly, I answer gently.
  25. I understand that Hollywood and romantic novels do not portray real life.  I avoid those things if they create a spirit of discontentment in my heart.
  26. I speak highly of my husband to other people.
  27. I very rarely argue with or complain to my husband.
  28. I have faith in my husband.  I know I can trust him. (Or, I am working to rebuild lost trust and I want to learn to trust him again.)
  29. I have faith that God will lead me through my husband, even if my husband sometimes makes mistakes.
  30. I trust God to speak to my husband and grow him spiritually without me having to verbally prod him or lecture my husband about spiritual things.  If my husband is far from God right now, I don’t talk about spiritual things, the Bible or church.  I allow my glowing joy in Christ, my spirit of willing cooperation with my husband’s leadership and my genuine respect for the good in my husband to draw him to Christ.  I trust God to open my husband’s spiritual eyes.  I know that only God can change people and waken them to His truth.
  31. I trust most of my husband’s decisions and cooperate with him often.
  32. I try to have a spirit of saying, “yes!” to things that are important to my husband.
  33. I give myself freely and joyfully to my husband sexually.  I don’t withhold myself.
  34. I am trustworthy.
  35. I am responsible with money, time, our children, my husband’s feelings, our home and the resources God has given to us.
  36. I consciously work to do good to my husband no matter what happens.
  37. I watch my words, my tone of voice, my facial expressions and my actions to be sure that I bless my husband and don’t become nasty, hateful, unkind or negative.
  38. I trust God in His sovereignty to work everything out ultimately for my good (by His definition) and for His glory, so I don’t freak out when bad things happen.  I know that God is in control and I can’t lose.  I might have to suffer or go through pain, but as long as I have God’s Spirit, I know I will be ok.
  39. I don’t worry about the future.  I take my needs and concerns to God and my husband and I leave the weight of the problems there and trust God and my husband to figure things out.  I say what I want and what I believe is best.  I share my perspective with God and my husband.  Then I rest in God’s love and peace, trusting His wisdom.  And I rest in my husband’s love – trusting God to lead me through him.

This test comes from Galatians 5:19-23.  It reveals whether my sinful nature or God’s Spirit is in control of my life. 

  • Part 1 shows what I am like when my sinful nature has control. 
  • Part 2 is what I am like when God’s Spirit has control.

How did you do on the quiz?

If you checked ANY of the items in Part 1 –  WOW!  Do I relate to you!

I could have probably only checked items in Part 1 for the first 15 years of my marriage.  That is because my sinful nature was in very firmly in control back then.  I had no idea how to have a Spirit-filled life.  I thought I was living as a strong Christian.  Unfortunately, a lot of the fruit of my life did not support my belief that I was living in God’s power and walking in obedience to Him.

If I have ANY checks in Part 1, those are areas where God wants to work and radically change my heart and mind.  He wants me to die to my old sinful self, nail it to the cross, and live in the new self that Christ gives me.

Don’t worry – we will walk this road together. 

God is about to do some amazing things in your life if you are willing to trust Him! 

It’s about to get good. 🙂

If you only checked items in Part 2 – you probably know most of what I am going to share already.  Obviously, God is very much at work in your life and His Spirit is in control.  That is AWESOME!  I pray that God might continue to work in you to make you more and more like Christ.

God desires us ALL to be wives who live only in the Part 2 area every day.  We can’t do this on our own.

But if we trust God, seek Him above all else and allow Him to empower us – He can and will transform each of us into the godly women of His dreams!

This is a process.  The process of sanctification.  The process of God transforming us into the image of Christ.  It is not instantaneous.  That’s ok.  Just be open to God and willing to do things His way each baby step of the way.  Get up when you stumble.  Repent and turn back to Him humbly.  Seek and desire Jesus above everything.  He will do the changing.

31 thoughts on “The Respect Dare, Day 3 – My Godly Wife Report Card

  1. This was an amazing exercise!! Just to go through and really examine my daily thoughts and behaviors was eye opening and insightful. We all have a perception of how we are in general, but rarely take the time to truly examine how we truly are and how God desires us to be, as a disciple, caretaker and homemaker, communicator, and confident, assured woman. Thank you for providing more examples to provoke deeper thought!!

    Jimmy Evans says, God did not give us marriage to make us happy, he gave us marriage to grow us. Our relationship with our husband is a mirror image and reflection of our relationship with God. When we are having difficulties/issues/discontentment/unrest/disconnect
    with our spouse, we should be examining if we are also having that with God, because we most like are…

    Thanks be to God for providing us with a savior in Jesus Christ for our sinful heart. Lord thank you for showing us that your way is better than our own and opening our eyes to how we truly are. Peace to you ladies!!

    1. Jamie,

      I am so glad that you took the time to really look at your life and heart and soul in light of God’s perspective. That is a really important step on this journey. We have to have a solid grasp of where we are at the beginning – which is quite humbling – and where God wants us to go. There are many steps on the journey. It is a journey that lasts a lifetime!

      Yes- God wants us to be holy. He is not particularly concerned about our happiness. But – He gives us His JOY and peace when we allow Him to make us holy – and that is so much more satisfying than any happiness. 🙂

      God is SO very GOOD. And He is ABLE.

      Much love!

  2. Great post! While there are plenty of things I had to check on list 1, I am also encouraged that there are some items I could check on list 2 that I wouldn’t have been able to a few months ago. God is doing His work in me!!! I started, but haven’t completed,The Respect Dare. I’m so glad you’re doing it here. Your insights really compliment the book and Nina’s blog very well. I’ve learned from both of you to be patient as God changes me from the inside out. Thank you for your “test”, it’s given me more ideas of things I need to release to God’s and my husband’s control. Blessings to you!

    1. Lisa,

      I am very excited to hear how God is working in your heart! 🙂 Yes, this is a slow process. Not an instant light switch flip. Each step and little victory is to be celebrated! 🙂

      You are more than welcome, Lisa. Nina’s questions and my questions are very probing – but it is that kind of deep self-evaluation and our allowing God to examine all those darkest corners of our soul that is necessary before the growth can come.

      Much love to you!

  3. Although I did quite well in several areas, I was pretty disappointed in myself in others. I KNOW in my head that i can’t control my husband, and that I can’t MAKE him give me what I want… and that I have to FULLY trust in the Lord… I have known this almost my whole life… but yet I get stuck in the crazy crazy cycle of trying to do it all on my own.. and demanding things from him.. and thinking that God is just taking way too long… all over again. I am so willing to break this cycle.. and have tried to for years. I know what I’m doing is ultimately self defeating, but I’m really not sure how to do something else.
    I enjoyed the test, and enjoyed having it narrow down for me things that I do well, and things I need to work on

    1. Miriam,
      I had to decide I was willing to wait until I was 80 years old if necessary. But I wasn’t going to run ahead of God or my husband anymore. I totally relate to you! It SEEMS like the right thing to do, to try to make things happen. But it is amazing when you stop and wait and trust. There is SO MUCH MORE POWER! 🙂

  4. Eek many multiple ticks in part one and only 8 in part two.
    Wow so much work to be done.
    Today I’m thankful because the few ticks I was able to mark in part two have come about because of growing (starting) in Gods wisdom and following the advice of spiritual Christian women.

    1. Tam,

      The closer you grow to God, the more you can see how very far you have to go! 🙂 That is a good thing. It’s humbling!

      I am very excited about what God is doing in you. This is a long journey – a trip of thousands of miles. Not a sprint. Thanks for walking with me!

  5. Wow! April this was a huge huge huge challenge to do the bottom part. It was disheartening to see all the check marks in the first part, but ever since we started communicating I find the first list I had to check them half way on the ones I did check because Christ is working in me! HOPE at last. For lasting change. I will never be perfect and perfectionism is something that I am healing from. A chain that finally came undone in the past year of healing. Part 2 was reassuring to me. I am starting to walk in the ways of the Lord in regard to respecting my husband and revering Christ as my Lord. Praise God. It is only His work and Him using your blog to help me see this. I am enjoying the dares…have fallen a day behind…but will do it tomorrow will be on dare 4. Thanks April. In His love, Missy Sue 722

    1. Missy Sue,

      This is definitely very eye opening stuff, isn’t it?? 🙂

      NONE of us are able to do the Part 2 things on our own. We DESPERATELY need God’s Spirit to be able to have the power to do these godly things. When we repent of our sin and are willing to get rid of all of that and turn to Christ, making Him Lord and putting nothing ahead of Him – then He will fill us with His Spirit when we ask Him to. But we have to get rid of the bitterness, unforgiveness, idolatry of self and being in control and feeling loved and expectations first.

      I can’t wait to see what God is going to do in you! 🙂

  6. I recently started doing the respect dare and I have been absolutely enjoying it-It is just what I was needing at this point in my spiritual walk. I struggle so much with worry and fear I thought I would do horribly on this test but I only needed to mark a few on the top section and I almost marked them all in the bottom section, this was really eye-opening for me, thank you for not only sharing this but putting your heart for God and your Husband into practice!

  7. What do you tell yourself when your efforts are met with hurtful words and your heart feels broken? In my mind I am able to see what I must do and how i must think about it but my broken heart is so paralyzing, I feel almost unable to move at times. I am hopeless about the future even as I keep trying to proceed with the dare, and my heart is hurting so much even though I return to prayer and my love for God.

    1. EP,

      Would you like to share a bit more? I will do my best to point you to Christ. Is your husband a believer in Christ? Why are you hurting?

      What is it that you believe needs to happen for things to be right?

      Sending you a big hug!!!!

  8. Have been reading your blog for a few months… Always amazes me how God puts something right in my face! Started on this Respect Dare… Day 1-Expectations. Something about “expectations” was everywhere!! In an email devotion. A facebook post. On another blog I read. In my face!!
    Today, is day 3 of this dare… Have to say I’m NOT enjoying it! It IS painful! All of my sin, disrespect, unforgiveness and resentment towards my husband of 15 years in my face! So many tallies on the first list, so few on the second!! No wonder!! No wonder this man I love has shut down to me!! I am ashamed!!
    So unbelievably grateful there is HOPE! I have a merciful, loving heavenly Father!! Who can change my heart!! Who forgives my countless sins… and will renew me!! I’m done trying to “control” this and having everything end in shambles! I don’t want this marriage… I want the marriage God intends us to have! I want to be a godly wife to my husband!
    As painful, convicting and humbling as it is… tomorrow is day 4.

    1. Cheryl,

      I am so glad to meet you! And boy, do I relate to you!!!!!

      This is excruciatingly painful. But it is so worth it! I am thrilled God is working and that you are listening and receptive to what He is showing you. I am always glad to hear from you and I am praying for God to renew your heart and mind and to empower you by His Spirit to become the woman He calls you to be, I pray for healing for your soul and for your marriage.

      I can’t wait to see all that God has in store for you!

  9. Thank you so much, April, for this blog!! It means a lot to me. I feel like I have a personal friend/mentor/discipler who continually point me to Jesus. I have been a Christian who walks in my flesh most of my life, and it is so hard to change!! But I know that dying to myself is where I will find my life. Thank you, thank you for pouring your life out for others!!! It’s definitely making a difference in my life!

    1. Gloria,

      What a powerful answer to my prayers. I am so thankful for what God is doing in you!!! I am always glad to hear from you if you need to talk about anything. Praying for God to empower you to become the woman He wants you to be for His glory. 🙂

  10. Hi sister ( April) and other sisters (wives, singles, wives in training) >>.

    What is God most speaking to your heart?
    To trust him fully ” Be still and Know that I am God” Be patient and see what I will do for you.

    Is there something He would like to change in you?
    He would like to change how suspicious I am. I feel like most people are out to get me ( I just know they are up to something) I also need to be patient regarding a husband, marriage etc. He wants me to have a quiet ,gentle spirit that does what is right and does not give way to fear.

    What feelings are you having?
    Sometimes I fear that I will never be able to change. That the change will only be for a while then I will go back to my old ways. I fear I don’t trust him and will never know how. I really want to so why cant I just do what I want to do. Other times I feel like if I just leap I will take flight and boom the change will occur.

    What concerns do you have?
    I am so inconsistent in everything. I cant make up my mind. I do not know how to rest.

    What would happen if God helped you to grow a lot in some of these weaker areas in the next 3 months – what would that mean for your relationship with Christ and your husband? I would have rest, I would have peace. People would see a change in me and be drawn to him.

    Part one=23 out of 33 (eww)
    Part two=15 out of 39 (yay) This happened after I started reading Aprils blog. Before that everything I did came from part one. Very few from part two.

    I need advice. I talk to much help me. How do I stop? I say many negative things. They just come flowing out my mouth before I can even catch them. I’m tired of this.

    1. I am not married; but I am a wife in training. I believe Gods will is for me to marry one day. When I used to fornicate he told me to stop what I was doing and wait until I get married. I fell back into sin a few years later; because I did not stay close to him, but im slowly turning towards him :).

      I answered the questions most answers are based on what I would do now if I had a husband ( What a bad girl I am) Good thing im not married my husband would run>>>.

  11. I am trying to do this dare. I am in emotional pain because my husband decided to get another motorcycle after breaking his back on one 4 years ago. Idk how I will deal with this because I totally disagree. It is making me bitter and mad at him. I do not want to go everyday worried sick because he may be dead. Please pray for me

    1. Wife,

      I can definitely understand why you have concerns about him getting another motorcycle – and I would feel the same way. I know you are concerned about his safety and his health and that you don’t want to see him suffer or lose him “before his time.” I, too, used to be so worried about Greg dying “early.” I tried to control his diet so that he could live longer and tried to make him eat healthy things and got angry when he ate things that I didn’t feel like were good for him. As I began this journey, God showed me that I don’t get to control Greg like that. He doesn’t control Greg either. He allows Greg to have a free will. Who am I to take that away from him? Greg doesn’t take my free will away from me.

      I had to write down all of my fears and decide – will I trust God or not? Will I depend on His sovereignty and His perfect timing? He knows when Greg will die and how. He knows Greg’s health issues. Do I trust God to be with me even if the worst case scenario happens? Do I trust His promises or not?

      I’m so glad you are doing the respect dare. I pray that God might speak to you in mighty ways and that He might cause many lightbulb moments for you and bring you healing and a willingness to turn away from (repent) and let go of your bitterness, anger, and worry.

      Here is a perspective that helps me greatly…

      It helps me to think about what my husband is doing and to examine his behavior against God’s word. Is what my husband is doing sin?

      In your husband’s case – getting a motorcycle – I am not sure that buying a motorcycle could be considered a sin in God’s eyes. I am sure you may feel that it is dangerous and irresponsible – especially considering what has happened in the past. But is it actually sin in God’s sight?

      Then it helps me to think about my attitude, thoughts, words, and behavior. Is what I am doing sin?

      If I am upset because my husband made a decision with which I don’t agree – I do have the right to feel upset.
      I also have the right to have my own opinion that him owning a motorcycle and riding it is dangerous and even maybe irresponsible.
      I have the right to share my concerns respectfully with my husband.

      But then…

      – I don’t have the right to control him or to force him to do what I want him to do. If I try to control him, that is sin.

      – I don’t have the right in God’s eyes to live in worry and fear. He commands me to trust His sovereignty and to live in faith, depending on Him to take care of me. His perfect love casts out all fear – even if my husband is riding a motorcycle. Even if something bad happens, God is sovereign. He can and will use it for my good ultimately as I trust Him.

      – I don’t have the right to cling to unforgiveness, resentment, and bitterness. Those things are very clear sin in God’s Word. In fact, in Matthew 6 after The Lord’s Prayer, Jesus says that if I do not forgive those who sin against me, God will not forgive me. And if I hold on to resentment and bitterness, I give the enemy a foothold in my life. Not only that, but I grieve God’s Spirit and lose my fellowship with Him – so I am no longer abiding in Christ and I lose my spiritual power.

      – Your husband has the free will to decide whether to ride a motorcycle or not. You have the free will to make him and yourself miserable about this and to live in worry and fear – or you have the free will to decide to be the wife God calls you to be and to enjoy your husband for whatever amount of time God decides to keep you both together on this earth.

      I desire for you to have a life with no regrets. If something does happen to your husband, I want you to have joyful memories of your times together – not memories of much bitterness and contention. And if something were to happen to you, I want your husband to remember a godly, respectful, peaceful, gentle-spirited wife who treated him like a king – not an angry, bitter woman, who begrudged him riding his motorcycle.

      Much love to you! I pray God might help clarify things and help you determine what He desires you to do with each precious day He gives to you as a gift. 🙂

      1. Wife,
        I hope that you might search my home page for a few words (one at a time):

        – control
        – worry
        – anxiety
        – fear
        – bitterness
        – submission means we hold things of this world loosely

        God can empower you to have victory over all of these things as you fully submit to Him!

        1. I just did the day 3 dare and am sad to say I marked practically everything in part 1 and only had 1 tally in part 2. I am really seeing why my marriage has not been working, but I am feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work I clearly need to do on myself and am really needing guidance as I’m not sure what I should do, how to do it or anything. I need a how to guide. Please Help me to learn this as I believe in it so strongly and want to change.

          1. brogdonwife,

            Yep. I totally feel you on this. I was completely overwhelmed when I realized how much I had actually contributed to the problems in our marriage 6.5 years ago. I wanted to go hide in a cave by myself for the rest of my life! It took me 2.5 YEARS to begin to feel like I started to understand respect and biblical submission and another 6 months to feel like I was beginning to be more fluent in respect, and another year before I really felt like biblical submission was becoming natural. It was like learning Chinese without a teacher, to me. I had no mentors. Just about 30 books, hours a day with God, begging God to change me, tons of prayer, much confession of my sin, and total willingness to let God take over and do the work in me that He wanted to do – even if it was painful.

            There is no instant fix. You are not going to become the perfect wife in one week or a month or a year. This is a long process – as Nina Roesner describes.

            What is your relationship with Christ?

            Has your husband mentioned things that he thinks are most important to work on?

            Much love to you!!! I’m so glad we can be on this road together!

  12. Oh my word, this was an eye opener excercise. I did Nina’s questions and got a negative answer for almost every question… That was painful. Up until about 2 weeks ago, when I really started seeking God, I always thought I was a strong Christian. Then my eyes were opened when I prayed with my pastor for freedom from all bondage. And what a journey it has been so far.
    What struck me most was that I felt convicted about most of the questions, but in certain areas, I felt condemnation. I know that there is no condemnation in Christ. I really needed to pray over those areas, for I felt downright ROTTEN and depressed because of my mistakes in those areas. Conviction is necessary, but condemnation should raise a red flag to bring this with extra care to Christ. For me, it is talking too much and saying the wrong things at the wrong time, and then only realising the hurt it caused later on! Then I just want to crawl into the ground and let the pendulum swing to the other extreme – I vow to myself not to speak at all! ( Refering to your post – The Pendulum Effect – which was quite revelational to me)
    All this behaviour, was also revealed to me, was modelled to me by my mother, who has a lifetime of hurt and rejection behind her. The more I said to myself I don’t want to become like her, the more I realised I am living out a lot of the characteristics that I do not like in her. I know that Christ has set me free from this in the past few weeks, and I trust Him to continue with me in this journey.
    I used to think I am mostly right and wise in my marriage, but it became clear now that I dont think I was someone who was very pleasant to be around. I interrupt people when they talk and continue to offer unsolicited advice and wisdom Always knowing better. My word, it describes a person that I would not want to be friends with, let alone be married to!
    I am really looking forward to see what God is going to do in me. I fully trust in Him for an ultimate transformation of my soul and spirit!

    1. Ellie,

      I remember when God opened my eyes to my sin and the lies I had believed and my filthy motives 7.5 years ago I was MORTIFIED! I wanted to never speak to another person ever again.

      Of course, that is not a healthy answer. You are exactly right – conviction is from God, but condemnation – means we may be buying into worldly sorrow instead of godly sorrow. I praise Gdo that yo prayed for freedom from all bondage! WOOHOO! And I praise God that He is showing you things to get rid of and that you want to rebuild on Christ and HIs truth alone. THIS IS AWESOME! This part is painful. Excruciatingly so. But it is VERY worth it!

      I love what God is already showing you. This is so exciting! Such an honor to get to walk this road together, my precious sister. I love your heart of trust in Christ. That is the key.

      Sending you a huge hug!

      Thanks for sharing!

      Much love

      1. Thank you for your prompt responses every time. And I saw that it is your anniversary. Congratulations and blessings to you!

        I feel really blessed to have found your site and to be able to start my new journey with you and all the other ladies on here.

        Have a great weekend!

        1. Ellie,

          You are most welcome. 🙂 I’m thrilled that God lets me be here and share with you and so many of our sisters.

          Thank you – yes it is our anniversary today. 🙂

          Much love to you! I’m looking forward to watching God cause you to grow in Him and all the things He will do in and through your life.

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