Where do I start?????
I definitely identify with thinking it’s up to me make others happy and I expect others to make me happy. What a trap!! I can see I’ve been stuck in that little cage since I was like 4. YIKES
Those of us that come to Christ later in years are kinda like an art student that’s painted all her life – BUT THE WRONG WAY. You first have to unlearn all the wrong techniques and then re-learn the right way.
God has to remove all our wrong thinking, feeling and acting and then He can replace it with the right way. (From Peacefulwife – I came to Christ at age 5, but STILL had to go through this exact same process because I had unknowingly swallowed so much poison from the world and our culture!)
Unfortunately it can get kind of confusing because you have the world telling you that your way of painting is good, the flesh is always thinking it’s Leonardo DeVinci and Satan loves when I paint in my own understanding!!!
So, I’ll be 51 in about a week, that’s a LOT of years being a people pleaser. I’ve known for a while that I struggle with this, but that whole being happy in others and vice versa. That’s HARD. It seems so innocent and not bad???
God does not want us to be happy, but be holy. Not that we can’t be happy, but the world’s idea of happy is SOO not God’s idea.
April, I have created sooo many idols JUST out of the people pleaser thing… it spills over into my dress, the whole being modest thing.
When you’re NOT IN CHRIST, it seems GOOD to have men give you attention because you look hot. Now I realize that is degrading, but at one time I felt pretty good, well, I even felt powerful having guys slobber all over themselves because of me. Now, I see that’s just cheap.
I learned to “work it” in high school by doing my hair make up and wearing clothing that showed my youthful body off. Nothing too skanky but the idea was there…
In my 30’s I started teaching fitness classes and my body got nice and toned. I received a lot of respect and a little admiration for how I looked. It was so normal I didn’t think about it much, just was happy how I looked, and yes… spent a lot of time tanning and exercising.
I watch my daughter follow in my footsteps and it makes me sad. She is a gorgeous 30 year old who gets attention for her beauty. She dresses much more modestly than I ever did, but still….I see the strut, I see the look in her eyes when she knows she looks good. I wish I could go back in time and have found you when she was only a teenager. That she would want to dress modest and attract a guy that would REALLY value her heart for God.
I need to chew on the idea that this is a super idol for me. I kind of knew it was, but the extent seems pretty huge.
How do you think the respect of age ties into the admiration of youth and beauty? Can that become just another idol? Like switching one for another? How do you avoid doing that?
God has given you GREAT wisdom to be mindful of the idol thing. Maybe that is something us women struggle with. Making idols of so many different things. I can relate, that’s for sure. Beauty, being good, food, friends, even church!!
- Why do I want to make this person happy? Is is so that I can avoid conflict, or is it so that I can please God?
- Why do I want to wear this outfit? Is it to draw attention to my body, or is it to draw attention to Christ?
- Why do I want to dress modestly? Is it out of reverence for Christ, or is it so that I can feel like I am “earning” favor with God, or so that I can look down on other people who aren’t dressing modestly?
- Why do I want to not wear make-up? Is it about true humility, or is it a way for me to feel superior to others?
- Why do I want to wear make-up? Is it to attract the attention of men, or to look my best for my husband and honor him?
So don’t make judgments about anyone ahead of time–before the Lord returns. For he will bring our darkest secrets to light and will reveal our private motives. Then God will give to each one whatever praise is due. I Corinthians 4:5