Creating attraction in your husband towards you is actually fairly simple once you learn to understand godly masculinity, how men think, how God designed men, godly femininity, how women think and how God designed women. See… EASY as pie! 🙂
You cannot force your man to be attracted to you. You can be a godly woman, full of joy and peace and God’s Spirit. THAT is attractive to men. Then we will trust God with the results. 🙂
What I am about to list is not a bunch of rules – but rather – it comes from understanding more about God and His design for men and women and marriage and from living in His power. It is impossible to be a godly wife without His Spirit empowering us!
(If there are SERIOUS problems of abuse, drug/alcohol addiction, infidelity, etc… in your marriage, please seek godly, experienced help ASAP!)
- Understand that his core masculine emotional need as a man is RESPECT – not love. He does need love – especially, friendly, affectionate love – but if he feels disrespected, he will not “feel loved.”
- Appreciate that men can and do feel physical attraction based on looks – but the attraction that will keep your man with you is the beauty of your feminine, gentle, peaceful spirit that does what is right and does not give way to hysterical fear.
- Dress femininely and modestly in public.
- Do not be modest in private with your husband. Allow him the chance to admire and enjoy you visually if he would like to.
- Be genuinely forgiving – full of the grace and mercy of God.
- Use that beautiful smile and dazzling eyes of yours to make your man feel welcome around you.
- If he asks you to do something, make it a priority on your to do list
- Let him know that you are proud of the man that he is.
- Be a SAFE place for him to share his heart. DO NOT share with other people the precious pieces of his heart that he shares with you in confidence.
- Realize that you are in a particularly powerful position as a godly wife to give respect to your husband that can meet his deepest masculine needs. When a man detects the faith, trust, admiration and respect of his wife – something inside of him comes to life. He feels more masculine, more powerful (in a good way), more capable, stronger, better able to face the world, ready to conquer dragons. God is able to use your feminine admiration, respect, encouragement, praise for what is good in him and adoration to help a man soar to greater heights than he ever could before.
- Study to understand and quickly recognize what disrespect looks like to men in general and to your husband, in particular – and avoid those behaviors and attitudes like the plague! Especially avoid criticizing, lecturing, scolding, demanding, yelling, complaining, arguing and negativity. This is actually part of the process of sanctification and becoming more like Christ.
- Be a PLEASURE to be around. Be full of the joy of Christ and God’s Spirit. Have your heart completely set on Him and the things of heaven!
- Seek Christ and His kingdom first! Watch your motives. Ask God to help you check your motives often!
- Do not make your husband into an idol that comes before your devotion to Christ. That is a recipe for a disaster!
- Study to understand what respect looks like to men in general, and then to your husband, in particular.
- Study to understand what godly femininity is all about. Be willing to trash any worldly wisdom you have absorbed and build on the word of God and Christ alone.
- Study to understand how to honor God-given authority in your life – whether it is a teacher, a boss, a police officer, a pastor, a Bible teacher, or your husband.
- Commit yourself to submit your life totally to Christ. Study about biblical submission – where it starts – and what it means in a marriage relationship. Be prepared to be a cheerful follower.
- Learn to share your heart, your feelings, your desires and your perspective in a non-threatening, respectful, pleasant, calm, BRIEF way. Be willing to cooperate with God-given authority over you respectfully – even when you disagree unless that authority is asking you to sin or condone sin. Trust that God, in His great sovereignty, will lead you and speak to you through that God-given authority so that your best interests and God’s greatest glory will be the end result. This is how you can have peace even when you don’t agree with an authority. You trust God to use that decision to take you to the place He wants you to go.
- Embrace humility. Consider that your husband has great wisdom to offer – particularly if he belongs to Christ, but God can and will use him to lead you many times even if he is not a believer. Please cooperate with his God-given leadership unless he asks you to sin or condone sin.
- Seek to build up your man with life-giving, edifying words of sincere praise, admiration, encouragement and respect.
- Listen to his advice carefully and prayerfully.
- Speak highly about him in front of him and to others when he is not there.
- Be willing to do things with him that interest him, even if it doesn’t really interest you. Realize that men bond in “shoulder-to-shoulder” activity that often does NOT include a lot of talking. Be willing to sit in the woods with him while he hunts quietly for a few hours. Be willing to sit in the garage beside him quietly while he works on his car – smile at him whenever he looks your way. This is bonding for guys!
- Flirt with him! (If he likes that, of course)
- Show that you respect and treasure your femininity and your body and that you take good care of yourself in a healthy way. Put in some effort into staying in shape (ie: 30 minutes of exercise 5 days a week is a healthy amount), eat well, treat your body with respect, get your sleep, wear a bit of makeup (however your husband likes it). Don’t go overboard into obsession with your appearance or make thinness or beauty into an idol. Make sure that Christ is your focus – and be a good steward of your body -which is His temple.
- Affirm him. Thank him for his leadership and wisdom.
- Don’t push, rush, prod, pressure or try to control him. Let him make his own decisions.
- Laugh at his jokes and enjoy his sense of humor.
- LISTEN to him. Take his thoughts, ideas, emotions, stories and all that he shares with you seriously – appreciate the gift that he is.
- HAVE FUN with him!
- Wear things he loves to see you in sometimes.
- Doll yourself up when you can and wear your hair the way he likes it when you can as a special gift to him.
- Don’t zoom ahead in your mind. Stay in today. Enjoy the moment. Savor the gift of his presence and the time you share with him without worrying about the future. Let God lead you in His plan. He is already in the future. He knows His best for you. Rest in His sovereignty and just relax and enjoy the gift of time with this man when you are able to be with him.
- Catch his eye and then hold his gaze for a second then look down and smile to yourself.
- Ask him about what God is teaching him and what he is learning in God’s Word – if he is a strong believer.
- If he is far from God right now, be silent about spiritual things, church, God, the Bible – and live out I Peter 3:1-6 in the power of God’s Spirit.
- Be INTERESTED in what he has to say. Pay rapt attention. Make lots of eye contact. Smile a lot. Be enthusiastic about hearing his thoughts.
- have a grateful, joyful heart.
- Avoid complaining and arguing.
- be cooperative
- be open to your husband spiritually, emotionally, mentally and sexually.
- Support his dreams
- support his career
- pray for him humbly as a teammate who has his back
- believe in him
You can’t force attraction or control your husband’s attraction to you. You can influence it. You can be the godly woman Jesus desires you to be. Our greatest goal is to be attractive to Christ and to please Him!