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The Power of Your Smile and Facial Expressions


Just like we talked about the power of your tone of voice with your husband (and your children) – SMILING and having PLEASANT FACIAL EXPRESSIONS are extremely important tools as you seek to honor God and build up your husband and bless your marriage and family.  (If you haven’t read it, check out the CHALLENGE I have issued for wives this past week about doing everything without complaining or arguing – Philippians 2:14)


In fact, I had one wife who wrote to me and said that all she did was just focus on smiling around her husband – for no particular reason – and she also watched her tone of voice.  She wasn’t even necessarily talking TO him – she was often talking to the cat.  But she used a sweet, friendly little tone of voice with the cat in her husband’s hearing.  And she smiled at him whenever she happened to look at him.

It was pretty interesting. She said that there was a HUGE change in his demeanor almost immediately towards her that day.  He was much more gentle, patient, kind, loving and friendly to her, too.


If you work in retail – you are probably trained to smile and greet your customers right away.  I was – especially at Walgreens.  We were supposed to look up and smile at new patients that walked up to the counter within 10 seconds of their arrival.

Some retailers actually train their employees to smile even when they are talking on the phone.  You would think that it wouldn’t matter if you smiled when you talk on the phone – but it changes the tone and friendliness of your voice!

Go ahead, try it!

No one is listening. 🙂  I’ll wait.

Why do retailers do this?  Because when employees smile, customers feel that the employees are friendly and the customers feel that the employees actually care about them.

We had a story posted in the break room at Walgreens written by a cashier for the company.  She was challenged to smile more. She thought it was kind of a dumb idea – she didn’t think she looked angry or mean or anything most of the time.  But she decided to try smiling more at all of her customers to see what happened – and she was shocked.  Most (not all) of the people smiled right back and her job actually became a lot more pleasant.  She also won the loyalty of many customers just because of her willingness to smile.


  • You can’t change your husband.
  • You can’t make him like you.
  • You can’t make him love you.
  • But you can smile at him, respect him and be kind to him.

But here is the catch.

 I want you to smile at him because you love and honor Christ – not because you want him to be friendly and loving back to you.

Husbands are pretty sensitive to manipulation.  If you only smile at him so that he will love you more – that will NOT WORK.

But if you just sincerely smile as a way to show your love for Jesus and just to bless your husband – Jesus counts whatever you do for your husband as if you do it for Him – you realize that right?  If you give a drink of water to the least of these in My Name, you have done it for Me.  And if whatever you have not done for the least of these, you have NOT done for Me.

So, if you smile at him – just because you are showing your love for Jesus  and you want to bless him – expecting nothing in return – it might just get interesting to see what God might do with your little sacrifice of smiling and having a friendly expression on your face – in your own life, in your relationship with Him and in your other relationships.  We will leave the results up to Him!

You can’t control your husband – but you can influence him for good or for evil.

You can choose to scowl at him and look at him with fire, anger, resentment, contempt, and disgust.  That will crush his soul.

Or, you can choose to have  a friendly and pleasant facial expression, smiling at him whenever you can.

Note – if you just found out he cheated on you or something – I am not saying you need to smile then.  You can be sad and feel your grief in a situation like that.

I am talking about just a normal day – let’s try the FRIENDLY LOOK challenge today!


Then – let me know what happens! 🙂

Here is a Youtube Video about Advanced Self Control 6 minute video



As you grow in Christ and His Spirit fills you up with His joy – your smile will be uncontainable.  You will have to smile because you are so full of the joy of the Lord.  Seek to be filled with His Spirit! Ask Him to show you any sin that might have grieved His Spirit so you can repent and then ask Him to fill you with His unspeakable JOY and PEACE. 🙂  No one will be able to take your smile away when the source of your joy is Jesus!

14 thoughts on “The Power of Your Smile and Facial Expressions

  1. Thanks April!
    Going to take a smily faced picture of myself right now and send it to my husband all to the glory of God!

  2. Very sweet, and you are super right about customer service! Never thought about how I talk to others around my husband might influence him. I am not usually rude, but no negative and positive communication are very different…

  3. Absolutely love this!

    I die when my wife smiles at me, it melts any sin holding me back. I feel the Holy Spirit brings back every joy I’ve ever felt with her, every memory every chance I got to make her smile

    And then finishes me with her beauty, the way she allows me to peer into her sky blue eyes and steal away a taste of pure inner grace

    Gosh I LOVE her

  4. I’ve got 2 responses here:

    1) “Husbands are pretty sensitive to manipulation. If you only smile at him so that he will love you more – that will NOT WORK.” This is a DOUBLE ditto for submission as a MAN-ipulation technique too. It just don’t work! It must be real submission, from the heart and not the head.

    2) I recently had a very brief, brief career at The Home Depot (1 month) (it just doesn’t work for us) — anyhow, they are very thorough on customer service. And, April, your post got me to thinking of not only the “smile” as a greeting but also the tags that go along with it: how are you today; how can I help you; is there something you’re looking for; what can I do for you today…. etc.

    1. Robyn,

      I TOTALLY agree!

      The motive CANNOT be to change your husband.

      The motive MUST be just to bless your husband and to honor God.

      How can I know if my motives are godly? If I am feeling angry that my husband isn’t “responding” or being more “loving” after all I have done, if I am disappointed and discontent – that is a HUGE flag to me that my motives are not pure, that my real motive is to change my husband or to feel loved. If I am doing respect or submission or smiling or whatever it is to make my husband do what I want to do – that is manipulation and it will not work!

      Imagine if we thought about giving good “customer service” to our husbands? Aren’t they MUCH more important to us than any customer!?!?!

      Thanks, Robyn!

      1. Right April — I found out about myself; I wasn’t really wanting to submit to Darrell; but was ‘giving’ TO ‘receive’. Another way to say it is, are there any strings attached to my giving. I don’t know about other women, but I knew. Maybe not totally consciously, but somewhere deep down inside my heart, I knew. I knew that I was “sitting down” on the outside – but “standing up” on the inside. I wanted to be ‘rewarded’ for everything that I did. I know that’s rather an UGLY reveal – but hey, there it is.

        1. Yes – this whole process revealed to me just how sinful and evil my heart truly is.

          God showed me that I must constantly check my motives – with His standard, not mine!

          How THANKFUL I am that He revealed the truth to me. I need Him DESPERATELY EVERY MOMENT!

          Thank you for sharing, Robyn!

  5. Apropos of this, you have the loveliest, gentlest nursery-school teacher voice, as I discovered listening to your video. I’m going to play it over in my head the next time my husband calls. And try to smile more. Thank you for this post!

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