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Respecting Our Husbands’ Prayers – From the Archives

I was at a prayer meeting in my area one time.  Many people prayed out loud individually.  One man in particular prayed such a passionate, godly, Spirit-filled, powerful, humble, broken prayer.  I could completely feel  and hear the presence of God in him.  Afterwards, I thanked him for praying when we were all leaving.  He thanked me for praying, too.

 And then, he said something that made me sad, “My wife says I pray too long.”

And he shook his head and said, “That’s what wives are for – to tell you when you are doing something wrong.”

RESPECTING OUR HUSBANDS SPIRITUALLY

If my husband has the courage to pray out loud with me – and it can be a VERY scary thing for a husband to do this – I pray that my reaction would be total gratitude, appreciation and respect.

I don’t have any survey numbers available – but my guess is that the VAST majority of Christian husbands (even ministers, deacons and Sunday School teachers) probably do NOT pray out loud with their wives (except possibly a blessing for a meal).

I desire to see that  change.  I want to see all believing husbands pray with their wives.  But we have to be SO careful here.  If we DEMAND or try to force our husbands to pray with us – it is probably not going to happen.  If we really want our husbands to pray with us, we are going to have to have a very humble attitude.  Any pride., bossiness or holier-than-thou vibes will keep our men from praying with us.  I think we can occasionally ask our husbands, “Would you please pray for/with me?”  But in many respects, this is something we will need to patiently wait for.  We can ask God to work in this area.  This is part of I Peter 3 – we will need to approach this issue in silence, I believe – if our husbands are far from God, especially.  Our words will often make things worse.

If your husband can’t/won’t pray with you, please do not condemn him.

Try just laying your hand on him at night and praying over him, asking God to empower him with God’s wisdom to lead the family and to protect him from evil and temptation and to fill him with the Holy Spirit.  And trust God to work in his Spirit as you seek God’s face in your own life with all your heart.

MY HUSBAND DOESN’T NEED MY CRITICISMS OF HIS PRAYER:

  • the theological content
  • how biblical his prayer is
  • what he prays about or doesn’t pray about
  • the length
  • the words he uses
  • the volume of his voice
  • nervous habits or words like “um”
  • clearing his throat
  • how often he prays
  • that he doesn’t pray with me out loud

No one in spiritual authority needs this kind of criticism.  It would be completely inappropriate and disrespectful if I criticized my pastor or Sunday School teacher or deacon for his prayers – and it is completely disrespectful and inappropriate for me to criticize my husband’s prayers.

It’s VERY EASY to be a critic.  I used to be extremely critical of my pastors and teachers at church – and my husband.  Someone with a critical, prideful, judgmental spirit tends to be critical about ALL God-given authority.

Criticism is EASY.  Supporting our leaders, building them up, praising what they do right, respecting them, cooperating with them, praying for them and trusting God to work through them is HARD.  But that is exactly what God calls us to do!

RESULTS

If I decide to criticize my husband’s prayers, I will probably get some of the following results:

  • he is NOT going to want to pray with me again.
  • he will NOT feel comfortable being vulnerable with me.
  • his spiritual confidence may be shaken (not a good thing for the spiritual leader in the family and maybe even in the church).
  • his spirit may be crushed.
  • he will likely resent me.
  • our spiritual unity and intimacy will be broken.
  • our emotional intimacy will be disconnected.
  • he may feel defeated and like a failure spiritually.
  • he may be discouraged from praying independently, too.
  • Satan may get a foothold in our marriage.
  • I will be guilty of disrespecting my husband – and that is sin.
  • He may even back away from God.

This is NOT the kind of message to send our husbands!!

Lord,

I lift up all of our marriages to Your throne room in heaven!  I pray that You might convict our hearts as wives where we have failed our husbands in this area and where we have disrespected them and You.  Help us to repent and seek to build up and honor our husbands, pastors, teachers, deacons and church leaders.  Use us to breathe life into these people who labor on our behalf for our good.  Use us to make their job and responsibility a joy instead of a burden!

In the Name and power of Christ,

Amen!

A PEACEFULWIFE VIDEO

My husband is not being a good spiritual leader

It’s a Scary Thing for Husbands to Pray with Their Wives

How to Pray for Your Husband so that God Will Hear

19 thoughts on “Respecting Our Husbands’ Prayers – From the Archives

  1. I hope that husband still prays even if the prayers are long. My husband had a very hard time praying out loud and didnt for many years. Then one night out of the blue he took my hand at bed time and said ” let’s pray”. I about fell over, but just looked at him and took his hand and bowed my head. He has sence then prayed a lot and has been a decon for a couple yrs. it’s still hard for him to get up in front of the congragation and give the tithe and communion scriptures and prayers. He had huge stage fright. I’ll never forget the Sunday that I woke up and he had written down on paper what he was going to say. When it came time for him to get up in front of everyone, he held the paper then put it down. He looked out at everyone and spoke from his heart and spoke of our personal journey of how we came to tithe our first fruits of his labor. The prayer that followed was amazing. I was so proud of him i wanted to jump up on stage and hig him. This being said, he became more confident in praying out loud. it started at he without me questioning, I just responded in a accepting mannor. When he would get up at church and look out at me and i’d smile. It was like he was asking my approval of him doing a good job. Now it has became habit for him to look out at me, I smile, he smiles back and winks. So we NEED to be proud of our husbands for doing this difficult thing. It’s not easy for our men to speak their heart to God out loud. It’s not natural for them. So just be still, allow him to pray and encourage not discourage. Our husbands depend on us for approval, they look to us for confidence, they don’t want to disappoint us. So start by praying for them to pray out loud then once they do ( if they do), support them with love. The best thing a wife can do is be there for them with a sweet supporting spirit. Trust me it will make a difference. ( speaking from expierience).

    1. Wow!!!!!

      Michelle,
      Will you please allow me to post this?????? It is AWESOME!!!!!!

      Thank you for sharing your story and what God has done in your marriage and your husband.

      This is beautiful and powerful!!!

  2. thank you for this, I am so thankful for your articles and blogs, you have taught me so many things I did not know I was doing so wrong. I am still working on myself to change myself and the way I show respect to mu Husband.

    I am so grateful that my husband has finally come to the point to pray with me every morning, I used to want that so much so I prayed silently now for things I want to happen and some how it happens. we drew up a prayer chart / or you can call it a vision board and instead of calling each thing out every morning we simply lay our hands on it and we graciously thank God for every thing on that board. our prayers are being answered in more ways than one and we can strike them off the board as God answers.

    Praise God

  3. Again, good subject. Something similar happened to a family member. Her husband wanted to be a Deacon, and, she felt that she was too young to be a “deaconess”. Needless to say, he eventually quit fellowship, and right along with everything else, they quit the marriage too.

  4. Hi, This may be a new subject for you to study, but I am searching for peace within my marriage…we are polygamists, or as my husband says, polygynists. I haven’t ever believed in this lifestyle but I know it is biblical. He is very loving and wishes us all to be happy. I don’t know if I am just broken and will always feel this way, but I can’t find peace with it. We have 5 children together and the sisterwife is now pregnant. I want to be happy, but there is a constant something holding me back from embracing it. I have prayed and prayed and even told myself its our life, divorce isn’t ok and find the blessings. I still hurt over this. If nothing else can you just pray for us? God bless, Mary

    1. Mary,

      Wow!

      That is a topic I have no experience with.
      I realize that in the Old Testament, the patriarchs had multiple wives. King David and Solomon had hundreds of wives.
      It seems to me that it tended to cause strife, division and contention.

      I feel extremely inadequate to address this issue because my wisdom is worthless – only God’s wisdom is true.

      I will absolutely pray – for God’s will, for your relationship with Christ to be strongly rooted and for Him to be the focus of your life – the point of identity, love, assurance, truth, purpose, strength and joy. I pray for God’s greatest glory in your life.

      Is this the only issue you believe is causing a lack of peace?

  5. Thank you for this. My boyfriend recently told me praying out loud makes him anxious. I had no idea. It makes all those times he has prayed for me out loud on his own will even more special. I also had no idea it is common that men do not like to pray out loud. Luckily, I have been wise enough to not force him to pray but I feel much more compassion towards him now that I know his fear.

    1. Emily,
      It is very hard for the women – being SO VERBAL – to imagine that being verbal in prayer is difficult or intimidating for our men. I’m so glad that you have been respectful! That will help him feel safe with you and give him courage to keep praying with you. 🙂

  6. I was so happy when i saw this post. Hours back i glance over a picture of a couple praying and i ask myself how many of them still pray together.. you are doing a mighty work pls keep it up.

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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