Husbands Share What is Disrespectful to Them

Every man has his own list of what feels disrespectful and respectful to him.  Some things are almost universally one way or the other to almost all men.  Some things are particular to your husband.  So – what matters most is what is respectful and disrespectful to YOUR man. That’s why it is important to ask him about his preferences and what bothers him and what speaks respect to him.  When things are not tense – you could ask him about some of the things on this list and get his take on the different items.  I wouldn’t ask him about all of them at once – but maybe ask about a few at a time every few days or so and REALLY pay attention to his answers.  Maybe print this out and check the ones that bother him so that you don’t forget.  You’ll need to custom-tailor your respect to your husband for best results!

Ladies – we have so much power to destroy our husbands or to build them up.  How I pray God will convict us and open our eyes and that we might learn to be respectful, cooperative wives who value our husbands’ leadership and who honor Christ with every thought, attitude, word and action!

Here are some things that could feel disrespectful – these are men speaking for themselves

  • asking him to do something, then doing it myself before he has a chance
  • lack of attention/appreciation
  • too much help
  • criticism
  • interruptions
  • not really listening
  • Asking a question starting with WHY is automatically saying, “What you did is wrong and it should be done like this! How can you not see that?”
  • always putting herself first and having the family fit into her plans/schedule
  • second guessing/lack of confidence
  • being too busy to spend time with him – too into your tv show to listen to him
  • complaining
  • speaking negatively of him to others or in front of others
  • scowling
  • body language – arms crossed, a look of condemnation
  • answering for him
  • telling him what to do
  • undermining his authority as a father – telling the children they don’t have to do what he asked them to do
  • disagreeing with his parenting in front of the children
  • insinuating – even slightly – that he doesn’t make enough money to satisfy you
  • not accepting his answer – continuing to question him
  • putting him down to other people
  • Being irrationally afraid, as if I can’t protect her from a spider in the next room. A lion? I understand, but I have a gun for that :-)
  • Being critical of my driving (actual safe driving with mounds of proof)  
  • Automatically assuming we were going to call someone for a repair. Let me decide and let me handle it.
  • Asking me if i remembered to pack something.  (this may vary between men)
  • Telling me to go speak to someone or tell someone goodbye at a social function.
  • Asking “Are you sure? ” after I have already given a confident “yes” to “Do you know what you are doing?”  (Peacefulwife here – Probably best not to say, “Do you know what you are doing?” ladies!)
  • In short, only question me once, especially if its something you know no nothing about.
  • cussing/yelling/name calling
  • Arguing with me when I make a family decision
  • Remaining silent in front of  the children rather than supporting me when a discipline decision is made
  • Lack of acknowledgement of hard work/providing for the family
  • Failure to say “You’re a good dad.”
  • Failure to say thank you in general
  • Failure to support a decision I’ve made in my absence
  • Speaking poorly about me, even in a “joking” way to others
  • Correcting me when I am telling stories
  • Making light of or “poo-pooing” something that I think is important
  • “The look.”  It may vary from woman to woman, but you all have one.  Used whenever you disapprove of whatever just happened, whatever was just said, or whatever idea the husband just floated.  May be followed by verbal elaboration of the disapproval, but 100% effective without the elaboration.  The longer the marriage, the less need for any verbal elaboration.  It’s funny to talk about for everyone but the husband who receives it.  Believe it or not, it’s soul-crushing — at least when it’s a frequent occurrence.
  • Obviously, the eye-roll, the sigh, the huff, the pursed lips, the crossed arms, the tapping foot, the hands thrown in the air, etc.  These are all distinct from “the look.”
  • The comment to the kids that’s actually directed at dad, frequently while leaving the room with the child after getting dad’s input and not being satisfied with it.
  • Any disagreement with or disapproval of the dad in front of the kids is exponentially more crushing (and, probably for most men, infuriating — anger being the emotion that immediately follows hurt).
  • Refusing, avoiding, or qualifying your apology when the husband calls you on any of these disrespectful behaviors.  It doesn’t take very many times of hearing “I’m sorry I said that in front of the kids, but you [reiteration of the original complaint/criticism and/or addition of another].”  Why seek an apology if it’s only going to net another insult?
  • Keeping “your” finances separate from the “family’s” finances.
  • Blaming your husband for economic circumstances beyond his control — loss of a job, difficulty finding a job, diminished cash flow because customers are slow in paying, etc.  NOTE:  Complaining about the circumstances or wishing out loud for different circumstances feels like blame to your husband.  Find a way to commiserate with him about the circumstances without complaining about them.
  • Holding a grudge against your husband for economic circumstances that were within his control but turned out differently than he expected.
  • Complaining about an offense that he committed, usually unintentionally, and then not letting him fix it, or even attempt to.
  • Giving him your input (which he solicited) for an important decision — choice of a church, choice of a house, etc. — and then rejecting all the choices he comes up with, even if they meet all your stated criteria and nothing else does.  Bonus points for holding a grudge if he goes ahead and picks one of those choices, whether it works out ok or not.
  • Remaining silent when one of the kids complains that dad won’t listen or doesn’t care, rather than actively attempting to defend dad, when dad has in fact tried to take the child’s wants/needs into account but has made a decision that the child doesn’t like.
  • Expecting your husband to meet your need for security in a way that requires perfection or omniscience.  Of course he shouldn’t knowingly do things that undermine your security, but the reality is that his ability to keep or make you secure is very limited.
  • Implicitly or explicitly letting him know that, once your early days of poverty are behind you (those days when you told him that as long as you had each other, you had enough), you are going to be very unhappy about any prospect of being back there again, for whatever reason.
  • If marriage counseling is necessary, communicating (or simply believing, which will be communicated one way or another) that he is the problem.  Bonus points for firing the counselor (or simply not going back) if the counselor puts too much pressure on you to change something.  TEST:  What would your reaction be if your husband fired a counselor or refused to go back because the counselor was putting too much pressure on him?
  • When your disrespect for your husband has become too manifest to ignore, and your husband makes the rather obvious deduction that perhaps it’s time for the two of you to seek outside advice in a particular area (from a pastor, marriage counselor, financial counselor, etc.), reject the outside advice if it is in line with what your husband was doing or recommending.  Put him in a can’t win situation so that there’s no authority you’ll submit to and there’s no one whose endorsement of your husband will have any meaning to you.
  • If there are theological non-essentials on which you disagree (Calvinism vs. Arminianism (or just 4-point Calvinism vs. 5-point Calvinism), mode of baptism, music, determining the will of God in a decision, etc.), behave as if his view is dangerous.
  • Insist that your standards for acceptable family entertainment be the governing standards, and let it be known every time your husband’s choices stray from your standards.  Bonus points if you can criticize him, preferably in front of the kids, when a protective measure he has attempted to use (a language filter, fast forwarding, etc.) isn’t 100% effective at eliminating the content he was trying to avoid.
  • Live in fear because you can’t trust God to take care of you through your husband or, if necessary, in spite of your husband.
  • Attach catastrophic significance to every personal and parenting choice out of fear that if you and your husband do not “measure up,” God will punish you, including by allowing your children to become prodigals.  [Bonus points if you can, with a straight face, agree that God doesn't behave that way but arrive at the same level of fear anyway because "actions have consequences."]
  • When put on the spot to compliment your husband on something, focus on his skill at his job and not anything about his performance as a husband or father.
  • Write him flowery compliments four times a year (Christmas, Valentine’s Day, Father’s Day, and his birthday) and then live the rest of the year as described above.  It will take him years to figure out that you didn’t really mean any of those nice things you wrote — at least not when times get tough.
  • Generally treat sex with him as a chore or an imposition (when you’re not ignoring it altogether).  Bonus points if you can occasionally (twice a year may be sufficient) behave as if you actually want to have sex with him.  You’ll have him thoroughly confused pretty much right up until the time you ambush him with the divorce.
  • Making me feel that I’m less of man because I don’t look as attractive as I did years ago.
  • Making comments about my lack of ability to remember.
  • Doubting what I say until it’s affirmed by someone else.
  • Thinking that I’m not smart enough to know when she’s lying to me.
  • Treating me like I’m a child, and can’t take care of myself.
  • Taping notes to the refrigerator or cabinet telling me what to do, and how to do it.
  • Taking credit for things I did.
  • Changing the channel when I’m watching something.
  • Ordering me around like I’m her personal assistant.
  • Griping me out when I get something wrong that she should have done herself.
  • criticism – specifically of character “you’re a terrible husband” “a real man would do it this way” etc
  • care nothing about what the husband thoughts or feelings are on any particular subject or decision. Insisting that the only correct and “normal” conclusion is the one she came up with.
  • react with great emotional upset if husbands ideas, thoughts or what he finds important aren’t a mirror image of the wife’s. And accuse him of not loving you like you deserve because he thinks differently.
  • assume the absolute most negative things about your husband. Assume that all his motives are selfish and evil. Give him no benefit of the doubt and absolutely, by no means, do not give him the respect to listen to what he has to say to find out what his thinking or motives are. Also be sure to never waver in your assumptions of evil.
  • dress him. (Get upset if ) he does not wear what you think is appropriate for the evening. Bonus points for telling him he looks like a fool.
  • putting your head in the sand when there is a need for a serious discussion needed( like a talk about when the next child should come along like before or after we buy a house)
  • saying you will make and effort on something and then not putting any effort in.
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160 Comments on “Husbands Share What is Disrespectful to Them”

  1. ronfurg
    September 19, 2012 at 11:50 am #

    April — This is a “world class” list. Thank you, thank you, thank you. And, in addition to being able to consider this with respect to wives, in almost all your examples all one has to do is slightly reword then to turn the issue into “How does a husband fail to show LOVE to his wife?” I know this is going to be a very useful tool for the guys in my men’s groups. This issue, along with exactly how does a guy demonstrate servant leadership (which you dealt with recently), is a key concern.

    • Evelyn
      January 3, 2013 at 8:42 pm #

      So basically, a wife cannot express one iota of dissatisfaction with anything whatsoever, fantastic.

      • peacefulwife
        January 3, 2013 at 9:17 pm #

        Evelyn,
        Hey! Thanks for the comment. I am really glad you expressed your frustration, and I hope that I can throw you a big life preserver to hang onto here.

        To me – this list is beautiful. How could I say that?

        Well… 4 years ago, when I realized that I had been a pretty darn disrespectful and controlling wife (without even knowing it) – I DESPERATELY needed a list like this! I didn’t have resources or books or a godly older wife to mentor me. I truly did not have any concept of what respect or disrespect was to a man. And, unfortunately, at that time – my husband wasn’t sure either. I would ask him, “Would this be disrespectful to you?” “Is this respectful?” And he didn’t know. So I felt like I was walking through a minefield and I had ZERO direction about what to avoid or what to do. I felt so clueless and lost.

        Thankfully – a wife CAN and SHOULD express her desires, needs and wants to her husband. I believe it is her responsibility to do so. But there actually are ways to share our hearts and feelings and our perspective without being disrespectful that get us HEARD by our husbands. And as our husbands feel more and more respected – our feelings become more and more important to them.

        Now, usually – if I say I want something or don’t want something – my husband jumps at the chance to do something that will delight me and make me happy. He ignored me years ago – all the nagging, criticizing, lecturing, telling him what to do, negativity, eye rolling and turning up the volume did not get me what I wanted at all.

        So – to me – this list is actually very empowering for women. And even more empowering, in my view, is a post called 101 Ways to Show Respect to Your Husband. Check it out!

        I’m glad to talk with you if you have anything you want to discuss.
        May God richly bless your marriage and your walk with Him!

        • medithi
          January 5, 2014 at 8:12 pm #

          I get exactly what you mean. However, it is hard sometimes to act in a respectful way, specially when I am frustrated and get a rush of adrenaline playing victim. :( It’s so sad we like misbehaving.

          • peacefulwife
            January 6, 2014 at 7:59 am #

            Medithi,
            Oh it can be VERY HARD sometimes – impossible in our own strength, even. That is why we so desperately need the power of God’s Spirit working in us to be the women He commands and calls us to be. :) Thanks for sharing!

      • peacefulwife
        January 3, 2013 at 9:48 pm #

        This post may be helpful, too, if you are interested. :)

        http://peacefulwife.com/2012/09/10/asking-your-husband-for-things-so-that-he-wants-to-say-yes-2/

      • Jess
        January 11, 2013 at 2:01 pm #

        Yes, that aspect of it is infuriating. Most of the list, however- the parts about not making fun of the husband’s looks, or acting as equal parents in front of the kids- just seem like being a decent human being to me. So as long as both parties in the marriage are paying attention to these things, I see nothing wrong with that. I’m not religious at all, I just found this list through a link.

        • peacefulwife
          January 14, 2013 at 8:34 pm #

          Yes- if we would treat our husbands with decency, kindness, thoughtfulness – we would certainly have stronger marriages no matter what our beliefs about God were. His design works regardless of what culture or religion a marriage is in. Thanks!

      • Robert
        January 29, 2013 at 3:19 pm #

        Hello Evelyn,

        A wife is well within her rights to express dissatisfaction to her husband.

        Sarah did with Abraham (Gen. 21:8- 12).
        Rebekkah did with Isaac (Gen. 27:46).
        Hannah did with Elkanah (1 Sam. 1:4- 8).

        But they did so respectfully (Col. 4:6), as should be the case with both husband and wife. In fact, Sarah is a very fine example of a godly wife (1 Pet. 3:1- 6) that is worthy of imitation.

        Oftentimes we husbands pay more attention,not to what wives are saying, but HOW it is said- the tone of voice, disposition, demeanor, attitude. I myself have been known to say, “babe, I can’t hear you over your tone of voice (or attitude, or sarcasm, etc.).”

        So, express yourself freely.

        • peacefulwife
          January 29, 2013 at 3:30 pm #

          Robert, Yes! I believe wives have an obligation to share their feelings, desires and concerns with their husbands. How can husbands lead if they don’t have all the information? If we disagree, we don’t have to be silent. We may voice our concerns – but in private and respectfully! And then, if our husbands still disagree, we may have to drop it and not continue trying to force our way, but trust that God will lead us through our husbands. Of course, if they ask us to sin, we must respectfully resist that and obey God.

          Dr. Emerson Eggerichs told his young wife at one time, “You can be right but wrong at the top of your voice.” Her statements were correct, but her tone and delivery were very disrespectful.

          Thanks for your insights, Robert!

      • lucy
        May 30, 2013 at 7:02 pm #

        Yes, that’s quite a list. I’m not sure any wife anywhere could not screw up on a daily basis by doing SOMETHING on this list. And some of this list is just snarky and condescending: “Be sure to have an absolute conniption fit if he does not wear what you think is appropriate for the evening.” Etc. Sheesh. That’s a bit hostile, don’t you think? I’d edit the list down to something actually manageable for the average woman and lose the hyperbole. (And PS: Wanting our husbands to look good is not a bad thing. Women usually know more about fashion and so perhaps a husband should defer to his wife in dressing for special occasions. Why? Because other women judge us for how our husbands look. Yup. They see it as a reflection on us if our husbands look unkempt in public, much like men might judge a man’s financial/provider status if they see his wife driving around in a cruddy car.)

        • peacefulwife
          May 30, 2013 at 10:11 pm #

          Each man has his own list – that was about 10 different husband’s lists together.

          It is a bit lengthy. I know – I have thought about trying to edit it down – will pray about that some more.

          I can tell you this – YES – there are some seriously surprising things on there that most wives would never have guessed and absolutely do every single day.

          But – God is able to change our hearts and help us learn that mysterious foreign language of respect – it is pretty amazing to watch Him change a wife like that. I have seen it many times.

          I like the list about respect at the top of my home page, it is more positive and constructive.

          But first, wives usually learn what is disrespectful and try to stop that – even the unintentional stuff.

          Then they begin to add the stuff that speaks respect to their man – and many times God does some serious miracles! :)

          It’s wonderful to hear from you!

          Thanks for the comment.

      • Sam
        November 16, 2013 at 10:02 am #

        Are you on Facebook

      • happyholly75
        February 3, 2014 at 4:52 pm #

        I am sure I appear to be a HUGE failure. Having less than ideal upbringing it is very difficult to know what to say, how to react ect…epic fail. So, does this mean you who wrote this blog-you never do any of the things on this list? Ever?

        • peacefulwife
          February 3, 2014 at 5:41 pm #

          Happyholly75,

          I used to do a lot of things on this list. :( I had no idea that most of these things were disrespectful.

          Yes- I was also an epic failure. It took over two years for me to have ANY clue how to get rid of most of the disrespect and what it meant to be respectful. Sure wish I had this list and the other one at the top of my home page about respect.

          Now, I have been on this journey for 5 years. Usually, I don’t even think disrespectful thoughts anymore. God has RADICALLY changed my heart. I am not generally tempted to do disrespectful things because I know how damaging they are to my husband.

          Am I perfect? No. I try to write on my PW FB page when I mess up. I can think of about 3 times I had to write about when I messed up last year with my husband. But – the mess ups are usually much smaller, and I can usually catch them very quickly now – that is only because God is working in my heart and life and giving me the power to do this stuff. I can’t do it on my own.

          It also helps to write about this for hours every day for 2 years – keeps it quite fresh in my mind! That is for sure!

          But God IS able to teach us to lay aside our sin, to die to self and to put on our new self in Christ and have victory over sin.

          I’m glad to walk beside you on this road, my friend! :)

        • peacefulwife
          February 3, 2014 at 7:32 pm #

          Happy holly,

          I actually write this blog for women exactly like you. Very few of us had good examples of what it means to be a godly wife or a godly woman. This is like learning a new language, we need someone to explain and teach it to us. I am not perfect, but, it is my prayer that God might use me to connect the dots closer for those who come behind me. This blog has all the information I so desperately needed earlier in my marriage. I could have spared my husband and myself so much pain if i had understood these things before.

          Much love!
          April

          • happyholly75
            February 3, 2014 at 7:56 pm #

            April,
            I appreciate your comments. I am just so broken and I am tired of praying. You see when I met my husband he was a non-believer and I was away from Christ when we married. As we had children I picked up my beliefs at the curb where I checked them, then hubby states, you are not who you were when we met, true. But I wonder if this marriage will fall apart. As I speak to him in the subject of Christ he tells me, I will never be the man of God you want me to be. That hope I once had disappears. It is sad. And I worry for our children, their parents, their beliefs, and their lives.

            To say the least our communication has always been terrible and after almost eleven years of marriage hope of that healing and getting better is disintegrating as well. You seem so happy and carefree. I just hope Jesus returns sooner. This life is too painful to keep going anymore.

            Holly

            • peacefulwife
              February 3, 2014 at 8:12 pm #

              Happy holly,

              I was a worried, controlling, fearful, lonely wife when I began this journey. I thought my husband was very far from God.

              Thankfully, God gives wives wisdom and a powerful strategy when there is a husband who is far from Him. I Peter 3:1-6 is our assignment for as long as it takes.

              Our words about spiritual things are poison to our husbands when they are far from God. But, as we submit to Christ and become the women he commands us to be, we get out of His way and our husbands begin to hear God’s voice.

              I have a number of posts on this topic. And, if you would like to email me, I can share a wife’s story with y that may be helpful.

              Check out the posts (you can search my home page)

              - when I shut up, my husband heard God
              - my secret idol

              There is no guarantee that God will change your husband if you obey God. But, if you want your husband to come to God, the only way that will happen is if you obey God and do things His way. I can guarantee He will radically change you and give you the power to become the woman He longs for you to be! And you can have the same peace and joy of Christ that I have. Our God is able!!

              I am very glad to walk beside you on this journey. You don’t have to walk this road alone.

              I am praying for you and your walk with Christ! That is the most important thing.

              Much love!
              April

            • happyholly75
              February 3, 2014 at 8:16 pm #

              Oh I wanted you to know how I found your blog! I googled, ‘how does low self esteem reflect unbelief in Christ?’ I am in the middle of a bible study called Me, Myself and Lies. It has been eye opening to say the least. But after reading many of your blogs I feel like such a failure and wonder if my life really has a purpose.

              • peacefulwife
                February 3, 2014 at 9:07 pm #

                Happyholly75,

                Ooh! That sounds like a really great study! :)

                Your life absolutely has purpose – because of Jesus. :) You know what? I spent 14.5 years thinking I was the best Christian wife ever – believing that I was respectful and submissive and that my husband was the one who was so far from God and needed to change. I didn’t even know I was actually majorly disrespecting him and that I was a control freak and that I had self as an idol and expected God and my husband to submit to me and do what I wanted. I was so prideful that I thought I ALWAYS knew better than Greg and I thought I knew better than God. :( I was hurting deeply in our marriage – and felt very unloved. I had NO IDEA that Greg was hurting as much or more than I was and that the reason he was so unplugged and shut down was because of my awful disrespect and control. He never said a word. Never. I assumed he had no feelings and that he was invincible. He wasn’t. I hurt him very much. :( Makes me want to cry right now just thinking about it.

                When I saw my MOUNTAIN of sin in December of 2008, I wanted to go live in a cave the rest of my life. I realized for the first time ever that I was a HUGE SINNER. I realized that I had been committing idolatry for decades every waking moment – making SELF, being in control, my husband, my happiness, feeling loved, etc… idols. What sin is worse than that!?!? I realized I didn’t really believe and trust in God – I committed the very evil sin of unbelief constantly. I really trusted MYSELF, not God – even though I thought I was such a strong Christian. I had rebelled against God’s commands for me as a wife and had pride as huge as Satan’s, or bigger – and couldn’t even see it all those years. I suddenly realized that almost every word out of my mouth and almost every thought that went through my mind was sin.

                I wanted to run away. I was completely overwhelmed. I cried and begged Greg to forgive me. he blew my mind when he forgave me for 14.5 years of my awful sin against him in 2 seconds. Wow. I couldn’t have forgiven him like that. I was AWFUL at forgiveness. I didn’t give grace to anyone, not even to myself. I begged God to forgive me. I was MORTIFIED. How could I have missed all that sin and focused so much on my husband’s sin? HOW?? Why didn’t I see this years earlier? UGH. I went almost totally silent for a long time – I was so afraid to talk because I knew if I talked, I would sin. The Frustrating Quiet Phase.

                I spent WEEKS and WEEKS confessing more and more pride and disrespect and idolatry to God.

                I had NO CLUE. NONE. About what it meant to respect my husband or what was disrespectful. I asked him to tell me. He didn’t know either. I felt like I was trying to learn Chinese with no teacher and no book. I spent two years reading over 30 books about godly femininity and being a godly wife and it took me all of those two years to BEGIN to be able to understand what respect was to a man – or to my husband.

                I wished I could erase those years of sin. I wanted it gone! I didn’t want my husband to have to remember what I had done. I even had to apologize to our extended family because I was controlling and disrespectful towards all of them, too. :(

                But you know what? Now – I understand. Now, God is using my years of sin and blindness and this journey He has me on to bring literally thousands of women to Himself. Between this blog and my blog for single women, there have been over 2 million hits in the last 2 years. I have seen God transform hundreds of women miraculously by His power and His Word and His truth.

                You and I didn’t become disrespectful, controlling wives on purpose. We learned things from our upbringing and we learned that we were in control and needed to try to control in order to feel safe. We didn’t understand God’s sovereignty. We learned toxic things from our culture about what masculinity, femininity and marriage are. We didn’t realize what we didn’t know.

                But – it is ok, my precious sister!!!!!!!

                God is opening your eyes now. He is able to do so much more than all we could ever think, ask for, hope for or imagine according to His glorious will.

                He is able to heal your soul. He is able to give you comfort and you can find contentment and real peace in Him. It is a process. A long journey. It is the process of sanctification. It is all about His power working in you. You can’t do this. None of us can. We have to have God’s Spirit working and flowing through us like Niagra Falls. But for that to happen, we have to release all of the sin we are cherishing and repent and turn fully to Him, yielding our lives totally to Him as LORD.

                Jesus DOES have purpose for your life. He wants to use you to bless your husband and to draw him to Christ. He wants you to live in obedience to Him so that you can be closer and closer to Him and know Him deeply and richly and be connected and one in Spirit with Him. He longs to be close to you. But He will not force Himself on you. He is waiting for you to come to Him. :)

                He also has plans to empower you to be the godly woman He commands you to be and to share His truth with many other women one day – and to spread His healing message and His Good News and hope to others who are hurting and lost and hopeless.

                I wish I could hug your neck my sweet friend!

                Today is the first day of a new chapter in your life – if you are willing to lay down any sin and fully begin to trust and live for Jesus.

                You will take baby steps. You will fall. That’s ok. WE ALL DO!

                But Jesus is able to give you victory – and I am glad to walk beside you, love you, encourage you and point you to Christ! :)

                Much love,
                April

  2. Anna Popescu
    September 19, 2012 at 12:24 pm #

    Wow, this is a fantastic list! Thank you for rounding up the guys for their comments. May you continue to be blessed as you continue to bless us “peaceful” wives!

    • peacefulwife
      September 19, 2012 at 1:16 pm #

      Anna and Ronfurg,

      I think this list is phenomenal. I know it will help a lot of wives understand disrespect and respect much more clearly.

      Thank you to the husbands for your willingness to help the ladies out here!

  3. marriagecoach1
    September 19, 2012 at 12:59 pm #

    Great list, can I re-post it on my blog?

    • peacefulwife
      September 19, 2012 at 1:06 pm #

      I think these husbands did a really great job. Of course you may!

      Thanks, Marriagecoach1

  4. Marie
    September 19, 2012 at 1:14 pm #

    WOW! Have I got a lot of attitude cleaning to do! Thankfully, by the grace of God, I have acknowledged some of these behaviors and have been able to either cut back or even eliminate them. And for the ones that I have a hard time overcoming, I’ve been praying (sometimes in King David style anguish) to the Lord. I also know that you have been praying for me, April. Thank you, sweet prayer warrior!!! Thank you, also to the husbands who took the time to compile this list. :)

    • peacefulwife
      September 19, 2012 at 1:20 pm #

      Marie,

      Yes – I pray for you daily, and I see God doing HUGE things in your soul. I see Him creating that gentle, peaceful spirit that does not give way to fear. I know it is tough to stay still for the chisel and hammer that God uses to shape us – but it is so worth it! Hang in there and cling to Christ, my dear friend. As you are able to eliminate all the disrespect – and begin to figure out how to show respect instead – God has so many miracles in store for you!

  5. Emily C
    September 20, 2012 at 6:35 am #

    Thank you April- so helpful! Now, as GI Joe used to say, “knowing is half the battle…” now to put on the armor for the other half :-)

    • peacefulwife
      September 20, 2012 at 6:40 am #

      Emily,

      You are SO right! That was my problem for 15.5 years in our marriage – I didn’t know! It’s hard to fix something you don’t know is a problem.

      Thanks!

  6. Ryan
    September 20, 2012 at 10:23 am #

    Forgot a big one.. asking “Why…?” when paired with Why would you do it like that and rolling the eyes.. or why would you go that way when it’s easier to go this way..

    Asking a question starting with WHY is automatically saying what you did is wrong and it should be done like this how can you not see that.

    • peacefulwife
      September 20, 2012 at 10:30 am #

      Ryan,

      THANKS!

      You are absolutely right. I will add that to the list!

      Apr

  7. Stephanie
    September 20, 2012 at 1:19 pm #

    The look… that one made me laugh. Great blog. I always enjoy reading it! Thank you.

  8. ifyoukeeponbelieving
    September 20, 2012 at 2:56 pm #

    absolutely awesome list.

    • peacefulwife
      September 20, 2012 at 3:10 pm #

      I totally agree! Very helpful and powerful stuff!

  9. greatwhitediaries
    September 20, 2012 at 6:27 pm #

    Is there a good way to ask “why” that won’t be seen as disrespectful? I want to understand my husband’s thought processses so that when he’s gone, he’s military and gone a lot, I can know what he’s looking for in a good decision.

    • peacefulwife
      September 20, 2012 at 6:39 pm #

      Greatwhitediaries,
      That is an awesome question!

      I’m going to ask the guys if they might answer – and, of course, you can ask your husband and see what he prefers, as well!

    • peacefulwife
      September 20, 2012 at 8:43 pm #

      Greatwhitediaries,
      Check out the comments on my post tonight – one husband, Daniel, answered your question. I think there is a lot of wisdom in his answer.

  10. peacefulwife
    September 20, 2012 at 6:39 pm #

    I had another husband add his thoughts to the list today. Some more really good points. I may put them in a separate post later. Don’t want anyone to miss them!

  11. Mr. E
    September 26, 2012 at 10:49 am #

    Reblogged this on The Bad Husband.

  12. Mr. E
    September 26, 2012 at 11:10 am #

    This is a fantastic list! So many of the things really jumped out at me. I thought about how disrespected, discouraged and defeated I feel when my wife does these things. I would add a few more to the list if I could…

    (1) criticism – specifically of character “youre a terrible husband” “a real man would do it this way” etc

    (2) care nothing about what the husband thoughts or feelings are on any particular subject or decision. Insisting that the only correct a nd “normal” conclusion is the one she came up with.

    (3) react with great emotional upset if husbands ideas, thoughts or what he finds important aren’t a mirror image of the wifes. And accuse him of not loving you like you deserve because he thinks differently.

    (4) assume the absolute most negative things about your husband. Assume that all his motives are selfish and evil. Give him no benefit of the doubt and absolutely, by no means, do not give him the respect to listen to what he has to say to find out what his thinking or motives are. Also be sure to never waver in your assumptions of evil.

    (5) dress him. Be sure to have an absolute conniption fit if he does not wear what you think is appropriate for the evening. Bonus points for telling him he looks like a fool because he wants to wear sneakers instead of sandals.

    • peacefulwife
      September 26, 2012 at 7:01 pm #

      Mr. E,

      I LOVE your list! I wonder if you might allow me to include it in a post anonymously. I want to be sure all the wives see it. This is very good stuff. Thank you for sharing your wisdom and insights! I think this will help wives be better able to understand how they come across sometimes to their men. Well done!

  13. J
    October 6, 2012 at 10:26 am #

    I have a question regarding “insinuating – even slightly – that he doesn’t make enough money to satisfy you”… we have a very large amount of debt from my husband’s student loans and car and he is not working. I currently work 3 jobs (one full time and 2 on the side) to support the family and try to pay down the debt. He wants to freelance from home BUT it has not generated any significant kind of income (only a few hundred dollars) after many months. I am overwhelmed. How can I communicate my need for him to either increase his income significantly or get an outside job–in the very near future–without being disrespectful? If we had no debt I really would not care how much he made because my primary income is sufficient. But so many thing are on hold or in jeopardy until the debt is gone and I am afraid of what might happen if my hours are cut or I lose my job.

    • peacefulwife
      October 6, 2012 at 10:41 am #

      Jenny,
      My view is to mention it from the perspective of “I can’t do this anymore.” “I’m overloaded.” “I’m overwhelmed.” “What do you want me to do?” “What can I cut back on?” “This is too much weight for me.”

      AND – I would be sure that paying off the debt is not a bigger priority than God or your marriage. Easier said than done. Debt is scary. I would want to cut it down as soon as possible, too. But if you succeed at paying off the debt in 2 years and destroy your marriage and relationship with God – that is NOT success!

      Do any of the husbands have any suggestions?

      Thanks, Jenny!

      • Wild Man
        September 17, 2013 at 11:39 pm #

        Pastor Mark Driscoll at Mars Hill Church in Seattle has a good saying about men. We are like trucks; we run straighter bearing a load.

        What that means is your husband doesn’t have to carry the load because you’re carrying it for him. Until he is bearing the load, he will flail about and you will be exhausted. Transfer the load to his shoulders and refuse to carry it for him, and he won’t chase rainbows, and you won’t have a coronary.

        There are more ways than simply earning enough income to eliminate debt, too. Debt is a terrible thing, but it is better to file bankruptcy and still have love and respect than to end up getting divorced because you couldn’t respect your husband – especially if the debt is still not paid off before the divorce. Then you would have more debt!

        • peacefulwife
          September 18, 2013 at 7:54 am #

          Thank you, Wild Man!

          I love that analogy. And I totally agree – men were made to carry responsibilities and function best under the load of family. :) Beautiful!

          I agree about the finances, too. Ideally, no one would ever go bankrupt, but – it would be better to go bankrupt and be together with a strong marriage than to destroy the marriage over the finances.

  14. joyfullysubmitted
    October 6, 2012 at 11:03 am #

    Reblogged this on Joyfully Submitted and commented:
    I had not planned to post this weekend, but I just had to share this when I came across it. It is perfectly appropriate for our current topic of discussion!

  15. ronfurg
    October 6, 2012 at 3:49 pm #

    April — I believe your response is the right one. Just as a husband, or wife for that matter, can go to our LORD with our cares without being disrespectful to Him, a wife can, and I believe should, go to her husband with her cares and concerns and our “overwhelmedness.” The heart attitude is the all important factor. When we ask for God’s guidance or help it is in no way disrespectful. However, there should be no accusatory tone or, as the question states, any sort of insinuation.

  16. Attorney springfield mo
    November 29, 2012 at 12:13 am #

    In a marriage there are a lot of expectations on both sides. However there are some things that a partner totally dislikes and the other one should try to mend ways on that. Thanks!

  17. Desperate Wife
    January 5, 2013 at 6:14 am #

    Peaceful Wife- First let me commend you on this blog. I stumbled upon it one day while prayerfully seeking answers about my marriage. This list was very detailed and long! Lol! I think it just about covered every way a wife can display disrespectful behavior to her husband. Although I’m the one that seems actively trying to improve my marriage, I still seek to find my errors and correct them. I can’t begin to disclose all of the complex issues I’m facing; however I ask for your prayers and intercession. I don’t know if I want to try anymore. I’m severely malnourished in my relationship in the areas of (communication, leadership, compromise, etc. etc) and wonder if staying is the will of God for my life.

    • peacefulwife
      January 5, 2013 at 8:00 am #

      Desperate Wife,

      I am so glad to meet you! Thank you for writing. Of course I will pray for you – and if you would allow me – I will also give your first name to the 5 wives on my prayer team to pray for as well.

      Unless your husband is an unbeliever and he leaves you, or he is committing adultery against you – I believe the Bible is clear that God hates divorce and that he desires couples to reconcile and work towards unity and a God-honoring marriage.

      I am very happy to hear that you are focusing on your end of the marriage and what you can do differently. When you couple changing yourself with doing things God’s way and being empowered by Him, putting Him first in your life – God can do unimaginable things in your marriage! But first, I believe He wants to work on you.

      If you would like to email me about what is going on, we can talk some more and I will do my best to point you to CHrist and His Word. There is MUCH cause for hope!

      Is your husband a believer?

      If he is a carnal believer or an unbeliever, I Peter 3:1-6 is where your power is – not in words about God and spiritual things, but your respectful and pure behavior.

      Be sure to check out the list 101 Ways to Show Respect to Your Husband at the top of my home page for some positive things that do usually speak respect to our men, to!

      As you cut out all the negativity, criticism, condemnation, lecturing, bossing him around, telling him what to do, belittling him, sarcasm, judgment, attempts to control, angry looks, disrespectful body language and tone of voice and trying to get your own needs met – that will begin to allow things to heal. Then when you begin to add encouragement for what he does right, admiration for what you genuinely like about him, praise for anything he does good, smiling whenever possible, being friendly, and putting Christ first in your heart (being full of joy and confidence and strength in Jesus) – God will be able to breathe life into your marriage in many cases. It may take months or years – that is ok. It’s possible your husband may never change. But the most important thing is that YOU are close to Christ and you are obedient to Him.

      For how to get started on this journey. Check out this post.
      For how to pray for your husband so God will hear you, check out this post. :)

      May God richly bless your walk with Him and your marriage!

  18. Katherine
    January 18, 2013 at 12:43 am #

    Or y’know, you could just try mutual respect and the three C’s- Cooperation, Communication and Compromise. Then you don’t have to lug around a huge list- just be a decent person. That works too.

    • peacefulwife
      January 18, 2013 at 6:31 am #

      Yes, being a decent person would be a big step in the right direction! :)

    • Cecilia
      October 20, 2013 at 4:37 pm #

      I think this is the point: “mutual” respect; you can’t FORCE your husband to respect you, and THESE are the ways he perceives disrespect. Not every husband’s fore-brain is open to your “Three-C’s”, but his spirit will perceive your respectful behavior and respond favorable to it (unless he is a total animal)

      • peacefulwife
        October 20, 2013 at 8:21 pm #

        Cecelia,

        Yes, there should be love and respect going both ways in every marriage. :)

        You can’t force anyone else to do anything. That is absolutely right. We can influence people. But we cannot control them.

        Husbands do have differing opinions sometimes on the particulars of what is respectful. And husbands only allow themselves to be influenced by people they respect – generally. So, we can have the most influence on our men, in a godly way, when we have qualities of dignity, loyalty, honesty, integrity, respect, gentleness, joy, peace, patience, grace, mercy, faithfulness, goodness, love, kindness and self-control.

        Thanks so much for sharing, :)

  19. Robert
    January 27, 2013 at 12:08 pm #

    Peacefulwife, I have enjoyed reading your blog about what husbands view as disrespectful. I notice, however, in the very extensive list that it was not mentioned the relationship problem inherent in step-families, where the mother favors her biological child(ren) over and above her God appointed head. (reference 1 Cor. 11:3 & Eph 5:23) I say this b/c too many women feel that their offspring come before their mates, and this is not in harmony with Jehovah’s view as recorded in Genesis 2: 24, where the husband and his wife, NOT the mother and her offspring, would become one flesh. Jesus even reiterated this at Matt. 19: 4-7, where he mentioned that the two (man and his wife) will be one flesh. The same can be said of a husband who is favorable toward his biological offspring over and above his wife. This, too, would not be scriptural. (reference Eph. 5: 24, 25, 28-33; 1 Pet. 3:7)

    Also, I commend you for going against the grain in following Christ’s example of subjection, and applying it in your marriage. Women like you truly exemplify the wife described an Prov. 31.

    • peacefulwife
      January 27, 2013 at 1:38 pm #

      Robert,

      I am SO glad you brought up this point! I have addressed it – but it was many months ago. And I definitely want to include this point in the post about disrespect. This is a huge source of contention and disrespect in many families. I have counseled with a number of wives that were putting their biological children above their husband and things were a MESS for the marriage and the children.

      This is a particularly challenging aspect of respect for wives – even when they are married to the father of their children. So many wives are extremely afraid to trust their husbands’ parenting. And, unfortunately, they end up often causing much worse damage to their children by undermining their husbands’ authority and refusing to cooperate with his decisions than their husbands would have caused even if they made a poor decision – in my view. And when you add step-children into the equation – things get REALLY complicated and convoluted. I counsel women to follow their husband’s decisions. I believe they may say what they want and feel and desire to happen. I believe wives should share their perspectives respectfully, calmly and politely. But then I believe that God’s Word is clear that we are to cooperate with our husbands’ ultimate decision unless he is clearly asking us to sin or condone sin.

      Would you allow me to add your comments to this post? I appreciate your insights greatly!

      • Robert
        January 29, 2013 at 2:44 pm #

        Sure, you can use whatever comments I make on whatever post you choose. It is, after all, your blog.

        Also, as I think of it, you may add:

        - making accusations based, not on facts, but on emotion, and allowing this to guide subsequent actions/speech.

  20. Me
    February 12, 2013 at 5:47 pm #

    Getting angry when your husband confronts you about something you did wrong.

    Blaming him for your emotions during arguments, especially during PMS, pregnancy, and other ‘hormonal’ times.

    Promising sex and not following through. Promising sex and making him until a long ‘to-do’ list is done when it could be done earlier.

  21. espressolane
    February 18, 2013 at 3:43 am #

    oh how this list reminds us that we are only human & we fall short daily in many aspects of our walk with The Lord and secondly our spouses. I think it’s a great idea to make a check list of weak areas and make it a point to pray on these areas and select a few a day to work on and then move on down the list…. By the end of week two we will have become accustomed to the change on the right direction and it will become second nature to us! Even the best of the best fall short daily and needs to now the knee and ask for forgiveness and guidance. Noone is perfect. What a great list…..maybe wives need a list of husbands weaknesses? Maybe it would be of help for your male readers? Or even for us wives to see our weak areas from it is about the guys that irritate us….& we can improve the entire situation and stop the vicious cycle that’s stuck on repeat.

    • peacefulwife
      February 18, 2013 at 9:01 am #

      Yes, we are all human and sinful and we do all fall short. How I wish I had a list like this years ago because I didn’t even see my sin for many years!

      I also have a list about what husbands find to be respectful at the top of my home page that is very helpful.

      I only write for women, so I do not address husbands or advise them. But my husband has such a list on his site http://www.respectedhusband.wordpress.ccm.

      Thank you for your comment! :)

  22. Lily
    March 4, 2013 at 7:50 pm #

    I came here (to your blog) after finding out that my husband has been feeling degraded by me for a long time. Yesterday, he was looking for the kleenex box. He kind of grunted and finally got up and got one from another room. He has asked me to be more direct when I speak to him, so instead of saying “for future reference, the box that used to be there was moved over there by [our son] for easier access”, instead I said ” the box is over there now” and pointed. I felt it was information exchange just as dull and unobtrusive as “we’re having chicken for supper”. He then told me to stop degrading him and correcting his choices after he makes them. That he had found a box and was happy with that. I was so stunned I dropped my water bottle on the floor. I said that I was only trying to help as I thought he was looking for that box and deserved to know where it was. He then told me that I “help” like this all the time and that it shows a lack of faith in him. I was heartbroken. After a long cry, while he cooled down, I asked if the other phrasing would have been better. He said it would have been, because it was not accusatory. (I talk too much and I have been working hard to be direct when addressing him, as he prefers “the way men talk – concise and to the point with no needless babble”.) The discussion went on to reveal many more shortcomings, including that my medical conditions are making it impossible to rely or depend on me. I want to be helpful to my family even tho I am not able to physically do what I once was. Information was my way of helping but he has told me that I must stop being helpful to him if I want him to feel more respected. I’m struggling because I was reared to believe that NOT helping people was tantamount to harming them. I always lend a hand whenever and wherever I can. It’s part of my identity and to shut it off for my husband feels like lying about my true self, even tho it’s what he wants. I am truly heartbroken. I never thought of myself as disrespectful and this has been quite a blow. Finding out that he has been suffering silently all these months, when I thought I was being a kind, cheerful, helpful wife makes me feel like a monster. I am fearful that I will not be able to change my behavior sufficiently in all the ways that I now know I am deficient. I want to please him dearly. The one thing I am thankful for is that that box of kleenex opened my eyes to why I have felt that he has been pulling away from me, emotionally and physically, these last few months. I don’t want to lose his love. Do you have any advice to help me?

    • peacefulwife
      March 4, 2013 at 8:52 pm #

      Lily,
      I so relate to your feelings right now! I always thought I was the BEST Christian wife EVER – the first 14.5 years of our marriage. I thought I was being responsible and helpful. I thought I was doing the right thing all the time. And when I read Love and Respect 4 years ago – I was SHOCKED to learn that not only did I not have “a high A on my wife report card” I probably had more like a D-. I wanted to go live in a cave and never see anyone again! I cried for 3 days. How could it be possible that I never saw all my PRIDE, PRIDE, PRIDE, idolatry (of being in control myself, and of my husband – expecting him to be responsible for my happiness), and my disrespect and rebellion against God’s Word. I thought i was obeying Him all that time.

      My husband NEVER said anything about my sin. He suffered silently, too. I was sure if I hurt him, he would quickly tell me just like I told him constantly that I felt unloved and lonely. :( He never did.

      It is shocking to really have to face the fact that I am a wretched sinner. That I don’t just owe Jesus “a little bit” but rather, I owe Him “billions of dollars” of sin debt. Who knew?!!?

      My entire blog is about this subject. There are over 400 posts that will help you! :) YOu may want to start with the ones at the top of my home page – maybe the one about respect next. And then the one about biblical submission. There is also a collection of some of my youtube videos under “Peacefulwife Videos.” And my Youtube channel is “April Cassidy.”

      I will be happy to walk beside you on this road. It is a LONG journey. You will probably have to throw away most of what you think you know about being a believer in CHrist, about femininity, masculinity, what it means to be a wife, what it means to be a husband and marriage and rebuild on the foundation of Christ and His WOrd alone instead of the poison of our culture that has so contaminated our marriages.

      Check out some of those posts, then let me know how you are doing and what you are thinking and we will begin the baby steps. Another helpful post – you can scroll on my blog timeline at the top of my home page to Jan 1, 2013. That is a great one to start with, too.

      Much love to you! God is ABLE! This is the beginning of a new chapter and healing for your relationship with God and your husband. :

  23. Jenny
    March 21, 2013 at 8:01 pm #

    You know, I think on many levels this is a simple ‘couples’ respect list… No wife would want to be treated in the above manner either. I find that my husband does a lot of the above and I often feel dismissed, devalued, disrespected, annoyed, frustrated, and the list goes on of negative emotions… to the point that I give up inside and just want out of the marriage thinking it will not change. I am a wife, and my husband does a good fair share of the list provided. It upsets me regularly. Trying to ‘submit’ to someone behaving in the manner above is less than ideal. Both parties are to submit to EACH OTHER and to the marriage… If one party is doing the above list, it creates a lot of emotional distance and anger and pain in the other and in the marriage… it really makes a person want to fight and leave, and find someone that appreciates them, or at least knows how to treat another human with kind regard rather than childish defensive power plays all the time… this is as I see it, the stuff of this list.. control freak stuff that really ruins relationships. I am guilty of some of it myself.. I am of course not perfect, however, it makes me sad that I see these things as problematic and wish them to change, but my husband doesn’t see his ways… maybe if I am more of a ‘peaceful wife’ as you describe he might? Maybe he is behaving as such because of my own behaviors as well… or in-part at least.

    • peacefulwife
      March 21, 2013 at 8:09 pm #

      Jenny,

      Both spouses definitely need love and respect from each other. Yes, many things on this list would absolutely feel very disrespectful to wives as well and create the exact response you have described.

      When one spouse does something hurtful – many times the other spouse responds in a hurtful way, too. Dr. Emerson Eggerichs (Love and Respect) calls this “The Crazy Cycle.” He describes how when a husband feels disrespected, he reacts in a way that comes across unlovingly to his wife. And when a wife feels unloved, she reacts in a way that is disrespectful to her husband – and the cycle just spins on and on and on until someone decides to give the other person what he/she needs even if his/her own needs go unmet for awhile.

      A husband’s love motivates his wife’s respect. Her respect motivates his love.

      But even if only one person changes – even if the other person doesn’t try to change one bit – and one person begins meeting the needs of the other selflessly – yes, most of the time, eventually, the other person will begin to reciprocate.

      Ultimately – as believers in Christ, we respect and love because that is what Christ asks us to do – and He will reward us in heaven for how we treat others when we obey Him. If my motive is to try to control or change my husband, it won’t work.

      But if you do look at your end of the relationship and cut out the negatives and begin adding respectful positive things (I have a post at the top of my home page about respect as well) – I believe that in time you will become the person you want to be and have many less regrets. And as your husband feels more respected and honored, most men respond to that (once they really believe it is true and not a passing fad) by desiring to serve their wives and love them more.

      I’m here if you want to talk through things some more. :)

  24. Taboo
    March 21, 2013 at 8:19 pm #

    Here is a list of stuff my husband does, that looks just like this wishlist that a husband would have for his wife:
    1. Too busy with work and work stress to be able to relax with me at night.
    2. Dumps all his problems/complaints on me first thing when he gets home as if I don’t have any stress myself.
    3. Is often ‘slightly’ late when I am waiting for him at home with dinner on the table that I came home early from work to prepare for us.
    4. Promises more sex on a regular basis and is then too tired or stressed from his work to follow through…
    5. even promises that if he doesn’t follow through on the sex, he will replace it with a foot massage… [still owes me several of those.. and hasn't followed through on that either]
    6. Often gets overly emotional and/or outraged at things and goes to extreme black and white thinking…
    7. If I launch a ‘complaint’ about something, threatens to take that thing away completely as a way to ‘fix’ the problem.
    8. Often ignores me while I am trying to talk to him if he is too busy with the TV
    9. Rarely apologizes
    10. Finds committing to a date night once a week is too much.
    11. Fights and complains at me if I ask him to not work every single day of the week so that we can have at least one day to ourselves… for some sort of fun and relaxation.
    12. Says his workaholism is for ‘our’ benefit… that he is doing it for me/us [I hold down a full time job myself that is providing ALL of our savings.. yet HE is the one that is stressed out and doing it all for us...]
    13. Acts often like ‘marriage’ is holding him back for a more free life of impulse
    14. Is often defensive
    15. Is often negative, to the point I have to be the cheerleader of the home to have some peace.
    16. Baby talks me
    17. Asks me “Do you know I love you?” which I find to be a horrid weird question, and makes everything awkward. The one time I said honestly that I wasn’t sure because it didn’t feel that way when he said or did such and such”… he got furious with me, so I quickly learned to just say ‘yes’.
    18. Refuse to join bank accounts for the frist 8 months of marriage creating a very unstable feeling in the marriage.
    19. Often say he will do something, and not follow through…
    20. Make promises for dates and fun things, but then tell me that ‘he learned from the way our honeymoon went that he cannot make any mistakes..’ so I need to book it all myself so I cannot be upset about any of it.
    21. Not allow me to influence him.
    22. Acts jealous of my place of work, my life/schedule, my ‘freedom’ if I will stay at home to take care of our future kids while he has to work and work to provide
    23, Acts like a big tough guy with an overly inflated ego, but constantly complains about TONS of stuff on a daily basis, often things he can be much more calm and assertive about, taking a more leadership role…

    I don’t know… It’s hard to be a peaceful WIFE under the circumstances of the above.. a peaceful person even…
    but maybe I will practice more of what you are saying and see if it makes a difference? at least in my own peace of mind.

    • Jenny
      March 21, 2013 at 8:26 pm #

      Wow thanks! I cannot believe you responded. I am very grateful. I guess it felt good for me to vent because, being married, I still don’t know who to talk to so that I don’t make my husband feel disrespected… and I often feel alone. “Crazy cycle” is right… I listen to Dr. Laura a lot, so I know what you say here is also true… I just get so frustrated… I make a point NOT to complain much, and not to unload my stress to him, but also I try to guard myself from some of his stress because it becomes overwhelming for me, and if I tell him to give me a breather here and there, he becomes defensive and that makes me feel worse that just shouldering his stress… Then I figure he has enough stress for the both of us, but that doesn’t work either because I am not a garbage can, and all that negative energy has to go somewhere… so I suppose it comes back out in another way on my end. I think I have the ‘quiet’ part down… all I need to embrace is the ‘compliment’ part… I am really not great at that, especially when my glasses are colored with disrespect… meaning, I have lost respect for my husband, and I do not look up to him much lately, so it is easy to not say anything at all, and just think these thoughts and have a pleasant demeanor, but to give a sincere compliment, which I know he is needing, has been a really tough thing for me and it is where I struggle… Maybe I can start small! I will try it. I mean really, I used to like him! I should be able to like him again, or at least some things about him?! I think things are just colored in a bad way because of all the built up resentment…

      • peacefulwife
        March 21, 2013 at 9:10 pm #

        I definitely think there are some things you can find, even small things, to thank him for and appreciate him for.

        The fact that he is working if he is working.
        The fact that he is still there with you.
        Those are some places to start. :)

        Anything you can think of that you do appreciate, admire or respect about him?

    • peacefulwife
      March 21, 2013 at 9:14 pm #

      Taboo,
      Are either of you believers in Christ?

      How long have you been married?

      What do you do when he doesn’t meet your expectations? What thoughts go through your head? What expression do you usually have on your face? What tone of voice?

      What does he ask you to do/change?

      Do you have any children?

      What was his parents’ marriage like?

      What was your parents’ marriage like?

      What is your goal in the marriage?

      Let’s hash through this stuff together! There is every reason for hope! This situation is not at all beyond help. YOU alone have a ton of power to breathe life and healing into this marriage.

    • peacefulwife
      March 21, 2013 at 9:22 pm #

      If you want to, Taboo – you may email me at aprilc@sc.rr.com. :)

  25. AWife
    April 19, 2013 at 10:43 pm #

    Many of these comments could go both ways. A husband shows a disrespect for his wife when he participates in some of these behaviors. Some of these do not appear to be disrespectful, such as asking your husband if he remembered to pack something. We all forget things, so double-checking with our husbands to make sure he has everything he needs is not disrespectful.

    Also, if a husband is emotionally abusive or distant, or he shows affection and kindness only when he wants sex, a wife will feel like sex is a chore. Unkindness and abuse require a wife to detach emotionally in order to survive. She definitely will not feel emotionally involved or close to her husband.

    • peacefulwife
      June 24, 2013 at 4:05 pm #

      AWife,

      Yes, each husband has his own list. Some things that are respectful to one husband feel disrespectful to another. So it is definitely important for us to study and learn how our own husband best feels respected and what feels disrespectful to him.

      Great points!

      And yes, God desires us as wives and husbands to love and respect each other.

  26. D
    June 18, 2013 at 7:44 am #

    AHHH this blog is AMAZING~! I wish I found this years ago! God forgive me for being such a bratty woman!

    • peacefulwife
      June 18, 2013 at 8:00 am #

      D,
      Thankfully, God is able to forgive and empower you to be the woman of HIS dreams! I wish I had known this stuff 19 years ago myself!!!!!

  27. Shelly
    June 24, 2013 at 3:57 pm #

    Cliff notes version:

    Husbands are instructed to LOVE their wives.
    Wives are instructed to RESPECT their husbands.

    Women don’t need to be told how to love.
    We need to be told how to respect.

    • peacefulwife
      June 24, 2013 at 4:03 pm #

      Thanks, Shelly! I agree!

      I have some posts on that…

      Ladies can search the word “respect” on my home page. There is also a post at the top of my home page about how to respect our husbands and one about respect and sexual attraction.

  28. Sabine
    July 27, 2013 at 11:13 am #

    Wow! I knew men were difficult. But according to this list ( thanks for putting it together btw) wives are simply not allowed to do anything or say anything. This is very … encouraging. Thanks men! I’ll just go, shut up and make dinner…. ;)

    • peacefulwife
      July 27, 2013 at 12:38 pm #

      Sabine,
      I’m glad you left a comment. :)
      This list can seem impossible for many wives when they first see it. Some women get really angry about it. I don’t know anything about you, your husband or your relationship with Christ. Apart from God, in our own sinful nature – wives tend to either be dominating, controlling and disrespectful (many times, not purposely) – or they tend to be doormats with no opinions, no voice and no influence. Neither of these extremes honors God or blesses our marriages.

      Men, apart from God, tend to either by dominating, controlling tyrants or passive, unplugged and uninvolved as husbands. Neither of these things honors God or blesses a marriage, either.

      This blog is about God’s beautiful design for marriage – Ephesians 5:22-33.

      In God’s power, it is possible for Him to change our hearts and our minds by giving us brand new heart and minds in Christ Jesus when we commit our lives to Him as not just Savior – but also Lord of all. First, God desires all believers in Christ to be completely submitted to Christ. Then, He can take away our old desires, anxiety, loneliness, fear, feeling of having to try to control things, wisdom, resentment, anger, bitterness, pain, etc… and Jesus can create in us His will, His desires, His motivations, His holiness, His healing, His wisdom and give us a desire for His glory alone.

      Respecting our husbands is not about being quiet and saying nothing but being full of anger inside.

      It is about being totally yielded to God and allowing Him to work in our hearts so that we are bursting with His joy, His goodness, His power, His love, His respect, etc. I do not respect my husband because he deserves it. I respect my husband because Jesus deserves my obedience and this is one thing He asks me to do. I do it because my obedience to Him meets my husband’s masculine needs.

      God also commands husbands to love their wives as Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for it. God wants them to love us as a reflection of His love in them – not because we deserve it. We need our husband’s love – but we do not always deserve it – just like they need our respect – even when they don’t deserve it in our minds.

      Men and women have very different needs and perspectives and ways of thinking and feeling. This stuff does not come naturally to us and it is certainly not supported in our culture today.

      There ARE ways for a woman to learn to speak her husband’s language of respect fluently (in time, with practice and study and prayer) – and then she can communicate her needs, desires and issues MUCH more powerfully to her husband in ways that he can actually hear and be able to care about much more. Learning to meet our husbands’ needs for respect not only pleases God, but it makes it possible for us to have much greater emotional, spiritual and physical intimacy with our men.

      What Does Respect Look Like in Marriage
      How to Ask for Something So That Your Husband Wants to Say “Yes.”
      What Does it Mean to Respect My Husband?

      We cannot control our men. We cannot change them. We cannot force them to do things our way.

      Our power is greatest when we focus on our own relationship with Christ and allow Him to work in our husbands’ lives.

      We are only in control of our own behavior, our emotions, our attitudes, our sin, our relationship with God – and we are accountable to God to be the women and wives He calls us to be – with a gentle, peaceful spirit who do what is right and do not give way to fear. (I Peter 3:1-6) We are able to have peace and do what is right because of His Spirit working powerfully in us – and we are able to not give way to fear because we trust the sovereignty of God and have great faith in Christ. That is beautiful femininity to God.

      God can change people. He wants to start with us.

      I am lifting you up in prayer. You are welcome here. :)

  29. Judith July
    August 8, 2013 at 2:48 pm #

    Wow.. Thank you so much! This one is going into my prayer journal for sure!

    • peacefulwife
      August 8, 2013 at 8:29 pm #

      Judith,
      I SO needed this list 19 years ago!!!!!!!!! I’m glad it is helpful. :)

  30. LEAH
    August 13, 2013 at 4:02 am #

    Hello,
    I first want to say that I am totally in love with Christ where submitting to my husband isn’t always what I want to do but because my Heavenly Father requires that of me I do. With that being said my husband is the most amazing man I have every known outside of my God fearing father. My husband makes it very easy for me to submit to him because he is loving me “like Christ loves the church”. I believe that this is list is good for women who do not possess the “gentle and quiet spirit” that Our Creator has created us to be. I know that I do more than half of what is on the list and my master is no less of a man and doesn’t feel any less respected. You know the saying “you can draw more bees with honey than you do with vinegar” I believe that it is very true. You can voice your opinion more than once, help him with his outfits (my husband loves this because he wants to look attractive to me and I to him), check over or look further into the decisions he is making without being disrespectful. If you men feel threaten or disrespected every time your wife do these type of things then (in all respect) you are calling God a lie and saying you do not need the HELP MEET he has created for you. Women if your husband feels like every time you open your mouth you are disrespecting him then you are being disobedient. God said, “Obedience is better than sacrifice” women obeying God is better than sacrificing peace in your home. This was the longest list ever. By the time I finished it I said to myself this man wants his wife to SHUT UP lol. Women shut up sometimes. You don’t always have to say something. Your husband would get so use to it that when you do open your mouth he knows that “wisdom is on your tongue”. I hope that this comment didn’t hurt anyone, but encourage. I love you all and I just prayed that everyone this page receive what they need to make a their marriage LONG AND STRONG! GOD BLESS MY BROTHERS AND SISTERS IN CHRIST!

    • peacefulwife
      August 13, 2013 at 10:08 am #

      Leah,

      Different husbands have different definitions of respect – that is why I included a number of husband’s comments (about 9 men contributed). There are some husbands who WANT their wives to pack their suitcases for them or pick out their clothes. What is most important is definitely not what these husbands say or think but what our own husbands think! :) I totally agree!

      If there is an overriding tone of disrespect from the wife and a lack of trust – some of these things do feel disrespectful to some husbands.

      There are definitely ways each wife can be a true helpmeet and give her own ideas, personality, perspective, feelings, desires and talents to the marriage.

      Thanks for the comment!

  31. Cynthia
    October 15, 2013 at 9:03 am #

    WOW! Thank you Peaceful wife! u have been very helpful and all those comments too… I am a 25year old married Mother of one. the list is sooo eye-opening. realized stuff that I do that I wasn’t really aware of. now, I need ur input. I am Zimbabwean and in African culture, its respectful to go down on ur knees when serving or handing something to your elders. well, I do that with my elders but cannot bring myself to kneel down for my husband. he is 29yrs old. we have been married for almost two years now. our maid kneels dwn when serving him food but I CANNOT do that! and he has remarked abt it. (I dnt even kneel down for my dad except when there are other people around and he doesn’t mind). I do kneel for him when there are my in-laws or other people around. I dnt hand him things standing, I sit dwn and serve him. bt he asks me I dnt kneel for him?! PLIZ HELP! how do I deal wth this? I cannot kneel for him, its just not right to me. my mom never kneeled for my dad and his mom also dsnt kneel for his dad (his mom has even asked me to stop kneeling for them, sayng its old fashioned bt out of respect for them, I always kneel for them). I see my husband as a best friend and partner… kneeling for him means that I will have to start calling him in a plural term [in our vernacular language there are two "you"s one in singular and the other in plural used to call ur elders or more than one person. just like in French you have "tu' and "vous"]. I talk to him in singular term and have asked him if he wants me to use the plural term and he has said no. now why should I kneel for him?? I just CANT.

    • peacefulwife
      October 15, 2013 at 9:35 am #

      Cynthia,

      It is wonderful to hear from you!

      I am not at all familiar with African culture – so I am not sure that I can adequately address this particular issue in the context of your culture.

      But – if he feels disrespected by your actions – this would be something to prayerfully, and humbly consider.

      It makes me think about the night before Jesus, the God of the universe, was crucified – how he put a towel around his waist, knelt before each of His disciples and washed their feet. This was usually done by a slave. He told them “Whoever wants to be greatest among you must be a servant of all.”

      Much love!

  32. Cynthia
    October 16, 2013 at 12:29 pm #

    Thank you Peaceful Wife. I will pray about it.

  33. Tami
    October 17, 2013 at 10:38 am #

    Thankyou! I have been looking for a list if specific things like this. Please pray for me, I have been doing things the wrong way all of my life to everyone.

    • peacefulwife
      October 17, 2013 at 10:56 am #

      Tami,

      I wish I had had such a list 19 years ago! Would have saved me many tearful nights.

      I’m so glad this is helpful for you. I pray God will give you the wisdom and power to become the wife of His dreams for His glory. Please let me know if you want to talk about anything! :) Much love to you!

      • Tami
        October 17, 2013 at 11:05 am #

        Thanks so much for your reply and prayers, it means alot!

  34. Emily
    October 19, 2013 at 3:05 pm #

    Thank you much for this!! My hubby is much like yours when I ask him about respect… He just shrugges or says I don’t know…. I seriously may print this out! Thank you!!

  35. Andrew
    November 6, 2013 at 6:39 pm #

    Another one is putting your head in the sand when there is a need for a serious discussion needed( like a talk about when the next child should come along like before or after we buy a house) and another disrespect for Everyman I believe is saying you will make and effort on something and then not putting any effort in.

    • peacefulwife
      November 7, 2013 at 6:45 am #

      Thank you, Andrew. Those are very helpful additions. I will add them to the list. :)

      • Sam
        November 15, 2013 at 2:12 pm #

        What is the bes way to get your wife to realize that she is not being respectful without belittling her or without condemning her?

        • peacefulwife
          November 15, 2013 at 3:04 pm #

          Sam,

          That is a really great question! Some wives are more able to hear this than others.

          If your wife truly cares about your feelings and loves you – hopefully, she will want to know that she has hurt you with her actions and attitudes and words.

          Most women have NO IDEA what is disrespectful to men. Respect/disrespect are not generally on our radar. If you use the word “respect” or “disrespect” sometimes women don’t understand what you are talking about.

          A few ideas:
          - “Honey, that felt disrespectful just now. Did I just come across unlovingly?” (Dr. Emerson Eggerichs “Love and Respect”)
          - “Babe, when you use that tone of voice with me, it feels rude/disrespectful.”/ “Please don’t use that tone of voice with me. That is hurtful.”
          - “It hurts me when you do/say X.”
          - “I don’t like it when you do/say Y.”
          - “Please don’t undermine my authority to the kids. That is very destructive not only to our marriage, but to our children.”

          Some wives may be open to the idea of reading the book “Love and Respect” by Dr. Emerson Eggerichs.

          Some wives may be willing to sit and read Ephesians 5:22-33 with you. Then you could gently say, “Sweetheart. I love you deeply. I know I have room to grow as a husband. It means so much to me when you treat me with respect. It makes it easier for me to love you the way you really want to be loved.”

          Then, you may need to give some examples of disrespect or respect.

          I have had some husbands print off this post and let their wives read it. That sometimes will bring conviction.

          Praying for wisdom for you.

  36. trelara7
    December 1, 2013 at 4:10 pm #

    Hi there! I read your blog daily and have learned SO MUCH that has enlightened me in many ways on how I should treat my man. I am engaged, so I am trying to start now I’m treating him the correct way through obedience to God. It is extremely difficult at times. I feel like the Holy Spirit presses me to see his potential and how God sees him, rather than his own actions. In reading this list, I have I say, it seems like men are actually more sensitive than we are as women. They take a lot as “disrespect” and I sometimes get annoyed because I know the Word says they are to be the leaders, and if they did, it would make it MUCH more easier to fall in line. Is it just me, or do the women have much more over all responsibility, and why does it seem like in the majority of marriages, the women have to step up in order for the man to? I have begun this journey, and I know I’m just starting but this will be my second marriage, I want it to be the best we can make it and I want to be the wife God wants me to be. It feel like we have to go through so much emotional hardships to get others to improve as well. Maybe it’s just my perspective, because I’m just starting, but it would be nice for the men to take their roles seriously right at the gate. I know God sees the big picture.

    • peacefulwife
      December 2, 2013 at 6:29 am #

      Trelara7,

      Men are much more sensitive about disrespect than women are. True. Women tend to be a lot more sensitive about unloving things. It is actually just as counter-intuitive for men to learn to love their wives in a godly way as it is for women to learn to respect their husbands. Husbands and wives have to stretch out of their own comfort zones to understand the other and to become more holy.

      Husbands actually have the greater responsibility and accountability before God because they are the spiritual authority in the marriage.

      Ideally both husband and wife would strive to be the people God desires them to be and would be fully submitted to Him and desire to walk in obedience to Him. That would make things infinitely better in every marriage!

  37. elle00
    December 4, 2013 at 12:50 pm #

    This list presents a lot of double standards and hypocrisy. This degree of respect that men want is a degree that they are not willing to give to their wives because of the man’s ego. Just like a husband would desire, a woman does not want a husband that questions her, interrupts her, doubts her abilities, or complains about her career. This level of respect that husbands want; a wife wants this same level of respect from him.

    • peacefulwife
      December 4, 2013 at 1:17 pm #

      Elle,

      Wives need respect, too. That is correct. :)

      I don’t write about what wives need or what husbands should do. I only write about what wives can do on their end of things.

      The fact that I only write for wives does not negate husbands’ responsibilities before God to love and honor and respect their wives.

      Thanks for expressing your concerns

      My husband has a blog for men. :)

      http://Www.respectedhusband.Wordpress.com

    • Sara
      December 6, 2013 at 10:32 pm #

      I humbly disagree with your statement that men are not wiling to give their wives the same level of respect that they expect to receive. I just read through this list and find, in a most humiliating way, that I am guilty of repeatedly doing several of the items listed to my husband while he has never responded in kind. My husband responds in love every time – which has left me truly baffled and embarrassed recently as my eyes are opening to my sin of a most disrespectful attitude toward my husband. The Holy Spirit has truly convicted me through this list. I am most grateful to find it.

  38. Juliet
    December 5, 2013 at 1:17 am #

    Oh my goodness. I’ve been aware of God leading me to learn more about how to respect my husband…. Thank you for this list!
    I had no idea that some of the things I do/say could have been disrespectful. Quite the opposite, I thought I was showing that I loved and cared for him! Which I do!!! I am now on a mission to curb some of these ‘disrespectful’ behaviours/actions (starting with not telling him to change lanes when driving, or fixing his hair in public, or leaving him notes with instructions… gosh I sound so crazy-controlling!!!)

    Thank you, this is going to be a real help.

    • peacefulwife
      December 5, 2013 at 6:07 am #

      Juliet,

      This is why I have this list! Sometimes what a wife thinks is loving – can be kind of mothering or feel smothering to a man. Sometimes “loving” can feel “disrespectful”to them. And, conversely, sometimes when a husband treats his wife with respect, that can feel unloving to her. (i.e.: he doesn’t help unless she asks him to help, because it would be disrespectful to jump in uninvited and to take over when someone else is handling something.)

      The more we can understand how our men think and how very different they are from us, the easier it is for us to respect them and extend grace and become the godly wives God desires us to be.

      Let me know how you are doing! :)

  39. Lily
    December 20, 2013 at 4:08 pm #

    This is a great list. I would venture that it applies to both husbands and wives at different times in their lives. It is just using common sense to read a blog like this and treat your partner, not as you would want to be treated, but as he or she would want to be treated (the “platinum rule”). That involves really listening, as well as thoughtful action such as determining your partner’s love languages and loving him or her as best you can, with a lot of prayer and effort on your part. God gave us common sense. Let’s use it, people!

  40. June
    January 13, 2014 at 3:59 pm #

    This is an overwhelming list, though obviously these are real issues. Personally, I have responded in many of these ways and just in the last two days having been praying for revelation and deliverance. This list is very easily my own, and it stems from resentment and unresolved issues in our marriage.

    While I fully agree that these behaviors are unacceptable, not to mention unbecoming and am embarrassed to admit my own role in this, It is not always obvious that there are underlying triggers that push her to this side.

    As a child, I witnessed someone in my family beating our dog repeatedly, day after day, for not doing and being what they wanted, and then one day the dog bit someone, while every one stood and wondered why, concluding that the dog had just gone mad. Many days, I feel like that dog, not physically beaten, emotionally; and to address it is somehow showing disrespect and lack of appreciation.

    We [wives] have more influence than we realize, but I also think a lot of this list comes from expectations that a woman is supposed to think and behave like a man, and that we don’t also want the same level of respect…don’t just tell me you love me, show me, and show me you respect me too (which is part of showing me you love me)…we can all say that loud and mean it. We are who God created us to be, different but compatible; that is where respect should start.

    • peacefulwife
      January 14, 2014 at 1:03 pm #

      June,
      Respect has kind of been taken out of our marriages and our culture the past many decades. So, this list can seem overwhelming. Not everything on this list applies to every man. But it gives us a place to start and prayerfully begin some deep self examination. :)

      Of course there are reasons why women disrespect their men. Yet, God calls us to respect them out of reverence for Him. He calls us to respond without sin when we are sinned against. Romans 12:9-21.

      Many women believe that if their husbands sin against them, they are justified to respond with contempt or disrespect, self-righteousness, unforgiveness, pride, etc. but God gives us no free passes for sin. Yes, we are most tempted to sin when we are sinned against – Gary Thomas, Sacred Marriage. But God’s Spirit is able to empower us to respond in a God-honoring way as His Fruit of His Spirit flows through us because we are totally yielded to Him. Galatians 5:22-23 is how believers are to respond to others. Galatians 5:18-21 show how we respond to others when our sin nature is in control instead of God’s Spirit. Our responses are our responsibility. We are accountable to God for our sin no matter what others do to us. Jesus set the example. How we respond has nothing to do with what others do to us and everything to do with our character and how close we are to Christ.

      I can’t wait to see what God has in store for you, my precious sister!

  41. Emily
    January 24, 2014 at 1:58 pm #

    I feel like this is just a list of things not to do to your spouse. Or anyone, really. I would feel incredibly disrespected if my husband did/said any of the above things to me, and I’m sure he would feel the same way. I don’t see why it’s specific to husbands.

    • peacefulwife
      January 24, 2014 at 2:19 pm #

      Emily,

      I only write for wives – so I only talk about how we treat our husbands, especially in terms of God’s commands for us as wives to respect our husbands in Ephesians 5:22-33. But I totally agree with you – these things would generally not be loving ways to treat anyone and I wouldn’t like to be treated in most of these ways either. :)

      Great point!

  42. Emily
    January 24, 2014 at 2:10 pm #

    And I recognize that the general argument is that women need to learn to respect because they already know how to love, but I find most of these things to be pretty unloving.

  43. Nothando
    February 7, 2014 at 9:05 am #

    Hie PeacefulWife
    so my husband has these excruciating sinus headaches. one night they started at around 1am and we sat until around 3am. he drank the last of his sinutabs that night and forgot to,buy some more. now last night around 9pm the sinus headache started. i did not know what to do because he did not have any pills and i dont have a driver’s licence so could not drive to the pharmacy that late. i decided to call my parents-in-law who live closer to us to us them to go buy the sinutabs and bring them please. this i told him and he did not say anything.
    my father in law decided to come and pick my husband up so they could go to a 24hour clinic because all pharmacies had closed. i stayed because of the baby.
    later on my husband started sending me messages saying “i dont know why you dont listen to me, i told you never to tell my parents if i am not feeling well because they overreact. now i am sitting and waiting for a doc to just come and tell me to buy sinutab tablets in the morning instead of resting. i am so disappointed in you”
    i said i was only trying to help, and i am sorry he had to wait for the doc instead of being at home resting (graceful reply, i hoped)
    then he started sending angry messages, “look where your help has got me, depriving my dad of rest too blah blah blah” i apologised again and said i wished there was somethng i could do and he said “yes, there is: RESPECT YOUR HUSBAND”

    Please tell me what i did wrong. how did i disrespect him? so i shouldnt have called his parents? should i have let him be with the headache which would have resulted in another sleepless night for both of us? (we both work). please help me because i ended up crying and slept with a headache. i asked him what he meant when he came back and he said it did not matter anymore. Please help me with this disrespect thing. i honestly was helping, did not know that i would be called disrepectful.

    • peacefulwife
      February 7, 2014 at 9:12 am #

      Nothando,

      Goodness! What a frustrating situation! :(
      As a pharmacist, I know people get especially grumpy when they don’t feel well and are tired.

      If he has told you never to call his parents when he is sick, then, please respect that. Do what he wants you to do. He will have to figure things out.

      If you want to talk about what might help his sinuses, I can offer some suggestions! :)

      It is not your fault that his parents made the decisions they did. And, he could have refused to stay.

      From this point on, you know never ever to call his parents about such things again.

      Sometimes what wives think is “helpful” doesn’t feel helpful to our husbands.

      Give him a bit of time to calm down. You did apologize. Time to ask God for strength and get back up and keep going. We all stumble and fall at times. I know this wasn’t intentional disrespect. Apparently, this is a big deal to him, so – now you know and understand that.

      If there are other things like this that he has asked you to do or not do – try to cooperate with what he asked.

      Sending you a huge hug!!!!!!!

      • Nothando
        February 7, 2014 at 9:22 am #

        Thank you for that. I will respect him and not try to “help” next time!

        I would really appreciate your help with his sinuses, please do offer your suggestions because this whole week has been really bad for him. He couldnt miss work because he is a lawyer and had court from Monday to Thursday. we have tried the warm towel covering his nostrils/face/head

        thank you for the hug!!! :)

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    […] concept is very foreign to many of us. It was for me! I was shocked to find all the things that can make husbands feel disrespected. It is like learning a new language and culture when we begin on this journey, in my […]

  19. Not enought respect. | Walking Barefoot Through the Sands of Time - July 17, 2013

    […] and we’re happy. But  when I read the first dare, Orenda’s blog and the list posted on Peaceful Wife’s blog of ways in which husband’s are disrespected it was like a punch in the […]

  20. What Does it Mean to “Respect” My Husband? | Peacefulwife's Blog - July 21, 2013

    […] is disrespectful to […]

  21. Respect | Peaceful Single Girl - July 21, 2013

    […] is disrespectful to […]

  22. Biblical Submission- a Huge Key to Peace | Peacefulwife's Blog - July 26, 2013

    […] you know that men feel unloved when they feel disrespected?  And did you know that many women have no idea all the things we inadvertently do that make our […]

  23. Other Ways to Show Love | Rock His World - July 31, 2013

    […] Show him respect to your husband and teach your children to respect him also.  I think this is a huge one today.  We live in a world where there is so much disrespect.  Respect is something we crave, we don’t like it when people dismiss us, our opinions, or our actions as being worthless.  We all want people in general and our families specifically to give honest, careful consideration to our actions.  We don’t often get it in the world, but we crave it from our family. (PeacefulWife.com has a couple of posts that you may want to check out on this topic.5 Ways Wives Unwittingly Disrespect Their Husbands & Husbands Share What is Disrespectful to Them) […]

  24. BROKEN BUT NOT FORGOTTEN » Blog Archive » The Respect Dare - August 2, 2013

    […] Okay so if your like me and don’t know if you are or are not disrespecting your husband please visit: http://peacefulwife.com/2012/09/19/husbands-share-what-is-disrespectful-to-them/  […]

  25. The Respect Dare, Day 38 – Taking Initiative Sexually in Marriage | Peacefulwife's Blog - August 7, 2013

    […] sure that you are respecting your husband and not inadvertently treating him with disrespect. Disrespect is a huge turn off for many men. Check out these posts if you haven’t because […]

  26. Respect Dare: Expectations | Busy Bee's Heart to Heart Ministry - August 13, 2013

    […] Don’t forget to stop by Unbroken Woman’s blog,  Peaceful Wife’s blog and Broken But Not Forgotten’s […]

  27. Respect Dare: Day 2 Look Within | Busy Bee's Heart to Heart Ministry - August 14, 2013

    […] forget to stop by Unbroken Woman’s blog,  Peaceful Wife’s blog and Broken But Not Forgotten’s […]

  28. A Wake Up Call for Wives | Peacefulwife's Blog - November 7, 2013

    […] Husbands Share What is Disrespectful to Them […]

  29. A Wake Up Call for Women | Peaceful Single Girl - November 7, 2013

    […] Husbands Share What is Disrespectful to Them  […]

  30. “I Don’t Want to Lose My Voice!” | Peacefulwife's Blog - November 17, 2013

    […] Husbands Share What is Disrespectful to Them […]

  31. He Doesn’t Deserve My Respect. | Peacefulwife's Blog - November 21, 2013

    […] Husbands Share What is Disrespectful to Them […]

  32. Stages of This Journey – Part 2 | Peacefulwife's Blog - December 1, 2013

    […] to do this, in my view, as we spend more time with God and try to learn and figure out how to stop disrespect and control and how to begin to be respectful and learn to be godly […]

  33. How to Deal With an Emotionally Distant Husband | Peacefulwife's Blog - December 5, 2013

    […] What is Disrespectful to Husbands? […]

  34. Who Is Calling Us Out for Our Sin as Women? | Peacefulwife's Blog - December 19, 2013

    […] disrespect towards our husbands […]

  35. Who Is Calling Us Out on Our Sin? | Peaceful Single Girl - December 21, 2013

    […] disrespect towards our husbands […]

  36. Giving Friends Godly Marriage Advice | Peacefulwife's Blog - December 21, 2013

    […] disrespect […]

  37. When We Call Something “Abuse” That Isn’t Abuse | Peacefulwife's Blog - December 22, 2013

    […] a husband saying that he feels disrespected […]

  38. Things Are Beginning to Click – a Wife’s Little Victories | Peacefulwife's Blog - December 27, 2013

    […] Stop Arguing and Complaining (which is a command of God for all believers in Philippians 2:13-16) Husbands Share What is Disrespectful to Them Finding Contentment/Security in Christ Alone Defending Myself No […]

  39. Giving Friends Godly Relationship Advice | Peaceful Single Girl - December 27, 2013

    […] disrespect […]

  40. Things Are Beginning to Click – a Wife’s Little Victories | Peaceful Single Girl - December 28, 2013

    […] Stop Arguing and Complaining (which is a command of God for all believers in Philippians 2:13-16) Husbands Share What is Disrespectful to Them Finding Contentment/Security in Christ Alone Defending Myself No […]

  41. My Husband Won’t Lead in Our Marriage – Part 2 | Peacefulwife's Blog - December 29, 2013

    […] Husbands Share What is Disrespectful to Them […]

  42. The Pink Pill: Rarely Taken | RedPillPushers - January 9, 2014

    […] Reality: Let’s ask some men, shall we? Understand this, that men will not respond to your disrespect by opening up. […]

  43. Disrespecting My Husband Continued… | path2proverbs31 - January 30, 2014

    […] morning, I came across what husbands find to be disrespectful to them. You can find the list here: http://peacefulwife.com/2012/09/19/husbands-share-what-is-disrespectful-to-them/. I couldn’t believe how many of these I do on a daily basis. For […]

  44. “He Broke My Trust. I Can’t Forgive Him.” | Peacefulwife's Blog - February 7, 2014

    […] Your Husband May be Feeling Disrespected”at the top of my home page, and the post about disrespect, respectand biblical submission– and what is attractive/unattractive to […]

  45. Am I Really Justified? | Peacefulwife's Blog - February 23, 2014

    […] to my parent’s house. It was going to take FIVE MORE MINUTES to go the way he wanted to go. So I told him he was going the wrong way and that he was such a bad driver and that he was wasting o… Why can’t he just do exactly what I tell him to all the […]

  46. Day 19: How I Discovered Respect - February 23, 2014

    […] Husbands Share What is Disrespectful to Them […]

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