Practically every wife wants a healthy marriage. If you know the Lord, you want a godly marriage, too. The problem is, something sneaky can easily trip you up and cause you to miss out on your greatest dreams for your relationship with your husband.
It’s frustrating when you want a strong, vibrant marriage—but something mysteriously holds you back. You may even feel like giving up after putting so much effort in our your side but not getting good results.
Thankfully, we don’t have to stay stuck and frustrated! We just need to let the blazing light of God’s Word to shine on the root issue behind all the mess. Then we don’t have to keep stumbling around in darkness.
The Deepest Issue for Us All
Whether you are thinking about a relationship with your husband, a child, the Lord, or anyone else, there is one bedrock, foundational factor to consider.
What is my root motive?
- Am I living in pride? Do I think I know best and I have all the wisdom and everyone needs to do things my way?
- Or do I embrace godly humility? Do I acknowledge God and respect His design and His way?
Will I humble myself and allow the Lord to show me His Word and His wisdom? Will I admit that His wisdom is much higher than my own and will I yield myself to learn from Him all that He wants to show me?
For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.Isaiah 55:9
The craziest thing about pride is, we often can’t see it in ourselves. We can see it clearly in other people’s lives and it is super obnoxious. But pride is blinding in our own lives. And, unfortunately, it is the root cause of all other sins in our lives (for everyone, of course, not just for women).
But pride isn’t something we give much thought to in our culture today, sadly. Even among believers.
Pride Is the Ultimate Problem
Pride is what caused Satan to fall from heaven from his position as the highest angel. He wanted to be worshipped as God. He wanted to be equal to God.
This was also Satan’s temptation to Eve.
If you disobey God and follow me, you can be like God, knowing the difference between good and evil. God is holding out on you, Eve. He doesn’t want what is best for you. You know better than God does. Follow your wisdom, not His.(Paraphrasing Gen. 3:1-7)
So pride is a very big deal and something we need to ask God to help us be conscious of daily so we can get rid of it right away. Even a tiny bit of it is toxic.
There Is Help!
Thankfully, Jesus understands our weaknesses. He lived for 33 years on this earth as a human and endured the same temptations we do, and yet, He lived perfectly and never sinned.
Jesus, although He was God, didn’t try to make Himself equal with God. If anyone ever had a right to be prideful or to exalt Himself to be equal with God, it was Jesus! And yet, He never did this. On earth, He modeled total humility for us. (Philippians 2:3-11) What an incredible example!
We each face this temptation every day. To make ourselves equal to God in our own eyes consciously or unconsciously. The desire is always there to exalt ourselves and what we think is right.
Human beings have a huge learning curve on this issue. I know I do!
And yes, it would be ideal if both spouses repent of all pride and embrace humility. It would be AMAZING! But even if one spouse begins to understand this issue, the marriage can be greatly blessed! Someone has to change first, after all. Why not let God start with you?**
God’s Plan for Healthy Relationships Is Clear—Humility!
What path will you choose each day? How will we try to build our marriages and relationships?
We have two examples set clearly before us:
Jesus provides a plan for us to make it possible for us to follow Him into humility and avoid the danger of pride.
- Humble yourself before God and admit you don’t know anything compared to His wisdom.
- Let your pride be crucified with Jesus on the cross and buried. (Die to self)
- Allow the Spirit and power of Christ to fill you and give you the capacity for divine humility.
If You Want a Healthy Marriage, Start with Humility before God
When you approach marriage from a posture of humility and are willing to embrace God’s design and His wisdom for you as a wife, everyone wins, including you!
WHAT IS HUMILITY?
“Humility is the displacement of self by the enthronement of God.”― Andrew Murray, Humility: The Journey Toward Holiness
- Willing to follow God
- The creature acknowledging her proper relationship to her Creator
- Giving up of the old sinful self
- Receiving all of the new self and new identity in Christ
- Receiving all of God’s truth for those who love Him
- Allowing God to be ALL and do ALL
- Content with any assignment from God, even the lowliest
- Fulfilled even in obscurity
- Willing to consider others first
- A choice
- A command
- the root of all virtue (Andrew Murray, “Humility”)
Humility Does Not
- Seek recognition
- Desire human praise or approval
- Focus on its sin constantly
- Seek to punish itself
- Beat itself up
Humility Is Not
- Giving up your God-given influence
- Being a wallflower
- Paralyzed by shame
- An invitation to abuse
- Idolizing other people
- Worldly sorrow that leads to death, depression, or discouragement
- Believing lies about self, others, or God
- Lord, I want Your will far above my own.
- I’d like to understand your perspective better.
- How can I serve?
- How does God want to love this person through me?
- What can I learn from this difficult situation?
- What will most honor and glorify Jesus?
- What’s in it for God and His kingdom?
- How will my response impact my witness for Christ?
- How can I be a blessing?
- I’d like to respectfully share my concerns.
- This is what I would prefer, what are your thoughts?
- Lord, thank You that You will use this trial to refine me.
- Lord, do what You know is best here.
- Lord, Your wisdom is so much greater than mine. I trust You!
What Blessings Do You Get If You Embrace Godly Humility?
With humility come many good gifts from God.
Humility Leads to Incredible Spiritual Riches Here and in Eternity
- Salvation and being part of God’s kingdom (Psalm 149:4, Matt. 5:3)
- God hearing our prayers (2 Chron. 34:27)
- Forgiveness (2 Chron. 7:14)
- Healing (2 Chron. 7:14)
- Faith in God (1 Cor. 1:28)
- Spiritual life (Prov. 22:4)
- Our having the mind of Christ (Phil. 2:3-11)
- Godly wisdom (Prov. 11:2)
- Honor and exaltation from God (Prov. 15:33, Prov. 18:12)
- God’s help in our lives
- The capacity to love with God’s love (1 Cor. 13:4-6)
- Favor from God (Prov. 3:34)
- Discernment to find God’s will and His path for us (Psalm 25:9)
- God teaching us His way (Psalm 25:9)
- Rest for our souls (Matt. 11:29)
- Grace from God (James 4:6)
- God drawing near to us to help us (Isaiah 66:2)
- Protection from God’s wrath (Zeph. 2:3)
- Our being the greatest in God’s Kingdom (Matt. 18:4)
- A servant’s heart toward God and others (Mark 9:35, Mark 10:45)
- Rewards in heaven (Matt. 6:2, Matt. 6:6)
Anyone Who Wants a Healthy Marriage Must Avoid Pride Like the Plague!
When we approach our marriage in our wisdom and pride, we contaminate—and eventually destroy—our relationship. We also hurt our relationship with God.
A pride-based approach is never going to work to nurture any relationship.
Pride ruins us and taints the way we interact with others with poison.
WHAT IS PRIDE?
Included are the ideas of arrogance, cynical insensitivity to the needs of others, and presumption… What constitutes a “proud” person? The negative sense points to a sinful individual who shifts ultimate confidence from God to self.www.BibleStudyTools.com
- I’m right.
- Me being right is more important than my attitude or how I treat you.
- I deserve better.
- I am entitled.
- I’m better than you are.
- I am more holy than you are.
- I know better than any person.
- I know better than the Bible/God.
- Do what I say and what I want.
- Take care of my interests first all the time.
Pride Results In Terrible Things for Us and Our Relationships
- Disgrace (Prov. 11:2)
- Repelling other people (1 Cor. 13:4-6)
- A terrible fall (Prov. 16:18-19, 1 Cor. 10:12)
- Destruction (Prov 16:18, Prov. 18:12)
- Spiritual blindness, foolishness, and darkness (Rom. 1:21-22)
- Hard heartedness, disobedience (Neh. 9:16)
- Selfishness and even narcissism (1 Cor. 4:6, 1 Cor. 8:1)
- A reprobate mind (Rom. 1:28)
- Spiritual poverty (Rev. 3:17)
- A trap (Psalm 59:12)
- Self-deception (Prov. 26:12, Obad .1:3, Rom. 12:16, Gal. 6:3)
- Hopelessness (Prov. 26:12)
- Self-righteousness (Luke 18:9-14, Rom. 12:3)
- Quarrels (Prov. 13:10)
- Envy (2 Cor. 10:12)
- All other sins (Rom. 1:24, 26, 28, 29-32)
- Lack of love (1 Cor.13:4-5)
How God Responds to Our Pride
- Discipline, punishment and/or humbling from God (Psalm 31:23, Psalm 101:5, Prov. 16:5, Prov. 29:23, Isa. 2:12, Zeph. 3:11)
- God opposes us (James 4:6)
- Great distance between ourselves and God (Psalm 138:6)
- Condemnation (1 Tim. 3:6)
- We receive no honor from the Lord (Prov. 25:27)
Bottom Line—Humility Is the Path to God’s Favor in Every Area of Our Lives, Including Marriage
If you want a healthy, vibrant marriage, you need God’s greatest blessings, wisdom, and power. You need spiritual strength. You need a new heavenly nature.
If you want all of God you can hold and all of the spiritual treasures God longs to give you, humility is the path to Him. And He is our gold mine!
Show us your glorious path of humility! Help us see the exquisite beauty and value of it. Help us see the heinousness of pride and just how evil it is. Help us desire humility wholeheartedly so that we can have much more experience daily of You in our lives and relationships.
“Here is the path to the higher life: down, lower down! Just as water always seeks and fills the lowest place, so the moment God finds men abased and empty, His glory and power flow in to exalt and to bless.”― Andrew Murray, Humility: The Journey Toward Holiness
**Note – If you are facing serious issues like a husband’s unrepentant infidelity, abuse, active addictions, uncontrolled mental health issues, or if you are very spiritually or mentally unwell, please seek godly, experienced, trustworthy counsel one-on-one. And if you are not safe, please try to get somewhere safe. I am not able to address these extreme issues in a general blog post.
“Humility” by Andrew Murray ($0.99 on Kindle 1/26/20)
Posts about Humility and Pride by www.gotquestions.org
The 4 Step Peace Plan
It is only as we
- look upward and yield to Christ in submission to His Lordship and
- look inward to allow Him to cleanse us and fill us with His Spirit’s power that we can then
- look outward properly. Then we can also
- look forward to how God will use all things for our ultimate good and His glory and we can look forward to heaven!
He gives us the ability to relate to others in divine new ways that pour Life into our relationships rather than death! WOOHOO!