Photo by Marius Muresan on Unsplash
It’s important to know what someone’s end goals are if you are considering following his/her advice or teaching. And it is important to know from what source the teacher derives authority to teach. Is it the Bible – the infallible Word of God? Or is it self, human wisdom, popular psychology, or something else?
I write for women, so I focus a lot on our piece of the puzzle. But what is my goal for marriages overall? What is the big picture in my mind as I write?
The biggest thing is I want to see us all seek to live for and honor the Lord in every thought, motive, word, and deed.
I want to see us all live for Christ and obey His instructions for us.
I long to see:
Both Spouses:
- Live in total submission to the Lordship of Christ. (John 14:21)
- Be filled with the Holy Spirit. (Gal. 5:16-26, Eph. 5:18)
- Love Christ more than a spouse, children, self, happiness, or anything/anyone else – to have no idols in the heart. (Luke 10:27)
- Understand that men and women are equally valuable, equally made in God’s image, and equally cherished in God’s sight. (Gen. 1:27, John 3:16, Gal. 3:28)
- Treat each other with honor, dignity, love, and respect. (Rom. 12:10, 1 Cor. 13:4-6, 1 Pet. 2:17)
- Respect themselves – think of themselves rightly according to God’s Word, receive their identity in Christ.
- Die to the old self and live in the new nature given by Christ.
- Avoid all rage, hatred, violence, and abuse.
- Stand firmly against anything God calls sin. Confront sin when necessary in God-honoring ways.
- Avoid adultery. (Heb. 13:4)
- Discover, explore, and enjoy the different roles God has given us.
- Have a God-honoring voice and use his/her personhood, voice, gifts, talents, and influence for good in the marriage and family.
- Be faithful and loyal to the Lord and the marriage covenant for life.
- Experience real-life romance, attraction, and wholesome sexual fulfillment in marriage. (Song of Solomon)
- Demonstrate and model Christlikeness to the family.
- Grow by leaps and bounds in spiritual maturity in faith in Christ.
- Express true compassion, humility, gentleness, patience, kindness, and thoughtfulness in the marriage, toward the children, and toward others. (Gal. 5:22-23)
- Uphold the parental authority of the other spouse. (Prov. 20:20, Ex. 20:12)
- Disciple and train the children in godliness with great love. (Eph. 6:4)
Husbands:
- Love, cherish, and honor their wives as Christ loves, cherishes, and honors the Church. (Eph. 5:25, Col. 3:18-19, 1 Pet. 3:7)
- Live with their wives in an understanding, gentle way. (1 Pet. 3:7)
- Embrace godly masculinity and model it for the family.
- Lead in humble, servant-hearted, loving, selfless ways that honor the Lord and seek His will above all. (Eph. 5:25-33)
Wives:
- Seek to have a cooperative attitude (within proper limits) toward their husbands’ leadership according to God’s good design. (Eph. 5:22-33, Col. 3:18-19)
- Respect and honor their husbands. (Eph. 5:33)
- Embrace godly femininity and model it for the family.
Marriages:
- Have a complete absence of pornography use and every kind of emotional/visual/verbal/sexual infidelity. (Mal. 2:13-16, Matt. 5:28, Col. 3:5)
- Be strong, fulfilling, safe, and secure.
- Divorce become unnecessary because marriages are healed. (Mal. 2:13-16)
- Have healthy oneness and unity. Not codependency or idolizing each other or the children. Not one spouse giving up his/her personhood and being steamrolled by the other who acts like a selfish tyrant.
- Have true teamwork and God’s Spirit of unity and oneness.
Children:
- Witness godly examples in their parents and have security in their homes so they can be well-prepared for godly marriages and parenting themselves, in the future.
- Treat both parents with honor and respect. (Eph. 6:1-4)
- Obey parents (unless parents tell child to clearly sin against God’s Word). (Col. 3:20)
Everyone in the family:
- Know and receive the gospel of Jesus Christ.
- Be safe at home – emotionally, financially, spiritually, mentally, and physically.
- Avoid all kinds of mistreatment, sin against anyone else, and abuse – husbands, wives, and children.
- Seek to turn from anything God calls sin – every single kind of sin, even in the thoughts/motives – to His holy ways.
- To repent from sin to the Lord and to those we hurt.
- Extend grace and forgiveness to each other, knowing how much grace, mercy, and forgiveness we have each received from God, and to rebuild any broken trust.
- Reject the world’s ways and lies.
- Cherish masculinity and femininity and celebrate the differences.
- Be conformed to the image of Christ by the power of God. (Rom. 8:28-29)
- Shine for Christ and be the salt and light that is so desperately needed in this dark, decaying world. (Matt. 5:13-14, Phil. 2:14-16)
I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth. 3 John 1:4
Why Do I Only Teach Women?
I do this out of respect for God’s Word. There are two places in the New Testament that say that women are not to teach or have authority over men in the church.
However, the older women are to teach the younger women (Titus 2:3-5) about being godly wives and mothers. That is my calling from the Lord!
Greg and I will celebrate 25 years of marriage in May of this year. I long to share the treasures God has shown me with my sisters. I am not the same person I was 10 years ago when God first opened my eyes to just how ungodly I was as a woman, wife, and mom.
I am not perfect. I still have so much to learn myself, but I am changed. God has dramatically transformed me and continues to work in my heart, mind, and life. My hope is to share things the Lord has shown me so that it might be an easier road for those who come behind me than it was for me.
Much love in Christ!
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Hi April,
Your blog is a powerful instrument to accomplish all of the purposes you listed here.
I discovered your blog within a year of getting married and it has helped me a lot. This blog has greatly improved my relationship with Christ, my marriage and my family life. My precious husband and son are benefiting from the wisdom you share. I’ve also been able to point some friends to your blog and they have also been inspired to have a better approach to their husbands.
Keep up the excellent work!
Lots of love,
Nikki
Nikki,
I’m so grateful that God is working beautifully and powerfully in your life and family. That is an answer to my prayers!
Thanks for the encouragement!
Is there any way to view comments from older posts that either have no comments or it says coments closed? I feel that reading comments from certain posts would be very beneficial to me.
Thank you,
Rebekah
Rebekah,
Those comments are gone now. I don’t have a way to retrieve them. I’m so sorry!
Ok, thanks for replying back and letting me know! ????
Rebekah,
You are most welcome. <3
Re: Porn, in all its shades and types.
A lot of internet ink has been spilled, most of it on Christian blogs, about what porn is, what it is not, and the effect it has. Rather than tediously re-litigate these points, I would offer this:
Porn, with regard to marriage, could be accurately described as ANYTHING that causes one spouse to long for or desire an optimized, fictitious partner, at the expense of their spiritually lawful partner.
The usual debate is over romance novels, and the notion that they are much less “serious” than the visual porn that men are known for consuming.
I, however, offer this – harm and hurt is in the eye of the beholder, or more accurately, in the soul of the wounded.
If a man is wounded in his soul by his wife’s obsession with rom-com actors, or the fictitious heroes of romance novels, who is ANYONE to say that his soul-wounds are less serious than the woman who finds herself competing with the visual in the form of porn stars?
If you are wounding your spouse, your mission is to stop wounding them, not to provide rationalizations why they should not feel wounded.
A man who keeps looking at porn is no different in terms of harming the other than a woman who spends her time comparing her husband to equally fictitious optimized images. The image is either visual or emotional – the effect is the same.
You cannot claim to love your spouse and be obedient to God while simultaneously doing something that causes them pain. To argue that a romance novel is “Not the Same Thing!!!” as porn, is to deliberately miss the point. When you are being stabbed in the heart, does it really matter if a knife is “Not the Same Thing!!!!” as a wooden stake?
If you are not practicing the deliberate act of loving your spouse, you will fall. If you are not practicing the act of deliberately rejecting fictional substitutes, you will fall.
Determine within yourself that you will be your spouse’s most active, vigorous, and determined advocate, and you will see God work a miracle within you.
j,
I agree! Thank you very much for sharing this.
Ladies,
I have posts about the dangers of romantic movies/books/media. You can search “romance.” If you watch/read these things and then you resent your husband because he doesn’t talk, think, and act like a fictional hero in a book or movie, that is a pretty big indication that this influence is toxic in your life. Better to stop watching and reading these things and be content with our actual husbands than to seethe with resentment because our husbands can’t compete with anyone else – real or fictional.