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The Purpose of Marriage

Photo by Alvin Mahmudov on Unsplash

God intended marriage to be a living picture of the relationship between Jesus and His Bride, the Church.

We think of a “church” as a building today. But when Jesus talks about His Church, He is talking about His chosen people, the ones He has chosen out of this world and who have chosen to receive Him as Savior and Lord. The incredible thing about marriage is that it is a spiritual mystery revealed to the world of the tenderness, love, respect, honor, and beauty of the interaction and spiritual intimacy between Jesus and His beloved people. (Eph. 5:22-33)

The church is “the Body of Christ.” Each believer is part of it. We are “living stones” being joined together and built up into a “spiritual house” and a “holy priesthood”  (1 Pet 2:5). Paul describes each of us as being a part of the body – a hand, a foot, an ear, an eye, the nose, etc… We work together with the Head of the Body, which is Jesus, to accomplish His good purposes in His kingdom.

Marriage displays the gospel.

How Marriage Parallels  the Relationship Between Jesus and the Church

The Groom-to-Be Initiates the Covenant

  • A man buys a ring, today, and proposes to his intended bride-to-be. He initiates and is the one who invites her into the possibility of marriage with him.
  • Jesus came to earth and paid a great price for us, inviting us to come to Him and to enter into an eternal covenant with Him. He followed the pattern of Jewish marriage customs in almost everything He did for us.
  • He even used the same words a Jewish man would use to propose to his bride to invite His Church to be with Him forever:
    • In My Father’s house are many rooms. If it were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and welcome you into My presence, so that you also may be where I am. John 14:2-3

A Name and Identity Change for Her

  • A bride takes on the name of her husband. When I married, I legally became Mrs. Gregory Cassidy.
  • The Bride of Christ also takes on His Name as Christian or Christ-follower.

A New Home for Her

  • A bride leaves her parents’ home to live with her husband and start a new life together
  • Jesus will come get His Bride and take us to be with Him in heaven – either when we die, or through the rapture. (1 Thess. 4:16-18)

A Life-long Covenant Representing an Eternal Covenant

  • One man and one woman enter into a life-long covenant to be there for each other “for better or worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health… till death do us part.”
  • Jesus, God in the flesh (the only One God), and His One Bride (the Church), have an eternal and unbreakable covenant.
  • For thousands of years, a prospective groom would give a great deal of money to the bride’s father.  He paid a “bride price.” This demonstrated that he valued his bride-to-be and was willing to sacrifice greatly for her to become his wife legally. Jesus sacrificed greatly for us, too. He paid our sin-debt with His very blood on the cross. God became a man and lived the perfect life we couldn’t live and died the death we deserved on our behalf. He conquered sin and death to rescue us from condemnation and hell. 
  • A covenant is much more than a promise or a business contract that can be easily broken. It is intended to be binding until one or both spouses die. Jesus has offered an eternal Covenant with us through His blood, the New Covenant – which is vastly superior to and replaces the Old Covenant of Moses. We have access to Jesus, to God the Father, to the Holy Spirit, and to eternal life in paradise with Him through this covenant. We belong to Him from the point we trust in Him and receive His salvation and Lordship through the rest of our lives and into the eternal future. The fellowship and relationship with God that we lost after Adam and Eve fell in the garden is restored!

Selfless Generosity and Joyful Receiving for Both Spouses

  • A man takes on the position of protector, provider, and giver, in many ways to his wife. Today, a wife may contribute financially, as well. But for thousands of years, husbands were primarily the breadwinners and financial providers. Wives took care of the home, children, garden, cooking, and chores (of course, women’s and men’s responsibilities did vary a bit depending on the particular culture). For many women, they had no means of providing financially for themselves in the past, and even in some places today.
  • And even today where women can financially take care of themselves, husbands tend to still have a profound sense of responsibility to provide financially and to meet their family’s physical needs (“For Women Only,”by Shaunti Feldhahn).
  • This is a picture of the way that Jesus gives and provides so generously. He provides for all of our physical and spiritual needs. He provides salvation. He provides new Life and eternal life. We can’t earn it. We joyfully receive and welcome Him and all He has done for us.
  • Both spouses fully give of themselves for the other and receive and accept one another in joy.

His Strength for Her Honor

  • A man uses his physical strength to defend his bride from danger, protect her (and their children) from evil, and to build a home for his wife. He values and cherishes her. She is the “weaker vessel,” and this means it is his job to use his strength courageously for her good. He honors her by fighting for her and their family in ways she cannot fight for herself.
  • Jesus uses His vastly superior strength to save us, to rescue us from danger, to provide for us, to protect us, and to defend us from evil and sin. He fought for us in ways we could never have fought for ourselves. We were the damsel in distress and He was the greatest Hero.

Sanctification

  • God designed marriage to be a place where we are made holy (“Sacred Marriage,” Gary Thomas), where He exposes sin and invites us to go much deeper with Himself. We can’t hide our flaws and sinfulness in marriage. Our motives, thoughts, expectations, words, and deeds are exposed. This is an opportunity for us to repent from sin and turn to Jesus and allow Him to transform us to make us more like Himself.
  • Jesus takes on the responsibility in the New Covenant to present His Bride to Himself without stain, wrinkle, or blemish. He cleanses His Bride with His Word and makes her holy. (Eph. 5:25-28)

Access and Authority for Her

  • A bride enjoys access to her husband’s property, authority in certain matters, finances, and any inheritance he may have.
  • Jesus’ Bride also enjoys access to all that belongs to Jesus. She has access to all of His heavenly riches and provision, access to God the Father, access to the Holy of Holies, and access to His authority. Her identity is now wrapped up in Jesus’ identity. We are co-heirs with Christ. (Rom. 8:17)

Oneness 

  • The one-flesh relationship of marriage depicts the one-Spirit relationship between Christ and those who love Him. Part of the husband’s physical body enters part of the wife’s physical body to become one flesh. Their love and oneness brings forth babies. Their DNA combines to become a new life. This is a holy thing, only to be shared in a life-long covenant as part of marriage.
  • We are the temple of the Holy Spirit as believers in Christ.  Part of the very Spirit of God comes into our spirits. We are indwelled or “filled” with the Spirit. And spiritual fruit results.
  • In the Body of Christ, the fruit of our spiritual union with the Holy Spirit is the fruit of the Spirit in our own lives (Gal. 5:22-23) and new baby Christians, new disciples and followers of Jesus, as we share the Gospel and God’s Spirit works in and through us and others to bring new believers into the Body of Christ. This intimacy we have with Jesus is something we are only to share with Him in the context of His covenant with us.

Faithfulness Is Required and Expected

  • If an earthly spouse cheats with another person, it is adultery. In the Old Testament, that offense was punishable by death, it was that serious.
  • To God, idolatry is just like adultery in marriage. This is a picture of how severe an offense it is for those who belong to Jesus to worship and exalt other things spiritually in their lives. God is always faithful to us. We, sadly, are not always faithful to Him. But we should be completely faithful to Him and He can give us the power we need to walk in purity and faithfulness by His Spirit.

Exaltation and Portrayal of  the Gospel

  • The primary purpose of the human marriage relationship is to point everyone who sees that relationship to the Gospel of Jesus Christ. (Eph. 5:22-33, Titus 2:3-5) God designed marriage to showcase the beautiful differences and interplay between godly masculinity and godly femininity.
  • The husband is to represent the sacrificial love, humble servant-leadership, strength, and devotion of Jesus to His Bride.
  • The wife is to represent the love, honor, biblical submission, and cooperation with the leadership of her husband to portray the way the church is to relate to Jesus. (Of course, with human marriage, there do have to be some limits that the church does not have with Jesus because human husbands are not perfect or deity.)
  • The husband and wife have equal value in God’s eyes (Gal. 3:28) and they are joint-heirs with Christ if they both belong to Him. But they do have different roles. Their value and worth is separate in God’s eyes from their roles in marriage. Both roles are equally important to show the picture of the gospel.

Fruitfulness

  • God also designed marriage to be the primary building block of society and the place where godly children are raised (Mal. 2:15) so that they can model themselves after the beautiful example of their parents. Then the children will grow up knowing about God, loving Him, and knowing how to have a godly marriage in the future, too.
  • The church is to produce godly offspring, as well. The Holy Spirit works in believers and in unbelievers and believers in Christ share the gospel and seek to disciple others and new baby Christians are born into the Body of Christ.

This is why we can’t just change the definition of marriage to suit our particular desires or our culture’s current PC trends.

God designed marriage to be between one man and one woman to display the gospel. When we alter it, we change the picture of Christ and His Church. We don’t have the authority to define marriage or to change it. That is God’s prerogative, alone. Marriage is holy because it pictures something holy and because it is meant to produce holy people – holy men, holy women, and holy children.

Of course, there are numerous other good purposes in marriage – companionship, romance, emotional connection, sexual fulfillment, spiritual refinement and growth, health benefits, more benefits to children, stability for society, etc… But I wanted to share some of God’s biggest purposes in marriage to help us see how holy, beautiful, and powerful His concept of marriage is. And how important it is for us to honor His design and not attempt to change it.

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How has the picture of marriage helped you better understand your relationship with Jesus?

How has your walk with Christ helped you better appreciate marriage?

 

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What Does It Mean to Be a Godly Husband? by www.gotquestions.org

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My Posts on Godly Femininity

10 thoughts to “The Purpose of Marriage”

  1. Hi April,
    I enjoyed the part when you said that “God designed marriage to be a place where we are made holy”.

    I’ve only been married for three years and my husband is a great person. Still, I have honestly been surprised at how challenging marriage is. Day-to-day married life is nothing like a romantic comedy or a fairy tale, where it’s all about unending happiness and companionship. I actually stopped watching romantic comedies years ago because they were distorting my view on what relationships are about.

    Marriage is also nothing like what people try to portray on Facebook and other social media platforms.

    It’s not a walk in the park at all.

    In three short years, there has been times of sickness, job loss, financial setbacks, arguments, tears, loneliness and loads of misunderstandings.

    The challenges of marriage have really worked to make me more patient, forgiving, willing to sacrifice, etc. It’s a daily dying to myself and my needs and picking up the cross and embracing it day after day.

    At a marriage seminar I went to, the leader said “Marriage will KILL you!!!”. I laughed at the time but he was right. Marriage is meant to kill all of the selfishness and sinfulness in our hearts and bring us to a new life of holiness in Christ.

    Thanks for yet another great post!!

    1. Thank you for the sobering truth of your comment. I have discovered much the same. Marriage is not always pleasant, nor does it always feel good, but to be made more like Christ is worth it!

    2. Nikki,

      As you know, my marriage did NOT look anything like what I had expected early on, either. Things went very “wrong” within a week after we got married. And yet, I am so thankful for what we have been through because God used it all to help me grow in my faith and as a person and to draw me to Himself.

      I’m so excited about all that God is doing in your life!

      Yes, marriage does give us so many opportunities to die to self. Wow, it can be painful! But also, so beautiful as we yield to the Lord and His leading and allow Him to conform us to the image of Christ.

      Thank you very much for sharing!

      Much love!

  2. April, Rejoice everyday in that our Bridegroom King is using you mightily to teach others the message from His heart! You have no idea the positive impact you are having, but w/o a doubt, you are! God uses the earthly marriage to prepare us to become His Bride, even our husbands must also learn how to become part of that. How we speak to one another, how we forgive each other, how we honor each other all reflects how we speak, honor and love Jesus. The book of Esther is such a beautiful analogy of becoming a bride of the king, and the Song of Solomon. Thanks, April, for your faithfulness!

    1. Dianne,
      Thank you so much for the encouragement. That is my prayer – that God would use me to bless and edify my sisters to help prepare His Bride!

      Love Esther and Song of Solomon! So precious.

      May the Lord richly bless your life and walk with Him for His glory!

  3. I noticed that you mentioned very little of the role of the father leading up to the marriage. I wonder if you could comment on the powerful image of a father giving her daughter away as opposed to her being taken away by the groom. That is not only a tradition we reenact at every wedding here on earth, I believe it is also a God-designed process.

    1. writerswrite3,

      There are so many things I didn’t have space to mention in one blog post! This could so easily be a whole book.

      Yes, in God’s design, fathers have parental authority. The groom, traditionally, would seek the father’s permission or blessing to ask for the bride’s hand in marriage.

      In the church, God the Father is very much involved in bringing Jesus and His Bride together. In fact, Jesus says, “No one can come to Me unless the Father who sent Me draws him” (John 6:44). And certainly, He gives His greatest blessing on those who agree to be united with Jesus as Savior and Lord.”

      It gets a little difficult to follow the Father analogy because God the Father is the Father of the Groom and the Father of the Bride, in many ways. But I love the tradition of the father of the bride granting permission and his blessing on the marriage union. And how he gives her away, in our Christian/Western traditions, is so beautiful.

      I don’t know that Jewish bride was “given away” by her father at the wedding – the way we think of today. The groom would come (with his groomsmen) to take his bride away (with her bridesmaids), often in the middle of the night. I am not sure what the brides’ parents did during that time. I would assume they travelled later after the 7 days and celebrated the marriage feast with the couple then. Perhaps someone else knows more about their role?

      Here are more details about Jewish marriage customs:
      http://www.biblestudymanuals.net/jewish_marriage_customs.htm

      But there are some marriage customs today that are a bit different from theirs that still do point to Christ and the Church in many ways.

      Thanks so much for sharing!

  4. I loved reading all about the Jewish Wedding customs. I think if I were a Messianic Jew I would’ve loved having a wedding like that. So formal and festive. Truly honorable. I like, like it.

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