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Avoid Such People

When we think of what it means to be godly Christian women, sometimes we think that means we have to tolerate anything from other people. We may think being respectful means that we don’t confront people when they sin or speak up when we are being mistreated. We may think it means we have to accept anyone as a friend and never say, “no,” to people under any circumstances.

We may think we are supposed to be people pleasers.

But God never calls us to be people pleasers. We are to be God-pleasers! We are to love God wholeheartedly. Yes, we are to love all people with His love. But God’s love doesn’t allow evil to influence it and drag it down into the gutter.

May the verse below NOT be true of us!

  • for they loved human praise more than praise from God. John 12:43

 

THE BIBLE HAS WISDOM FOR US

We don’t hear a lot about these passages, today. That is unfortunate, because we can end up surrounding ourselves with people who will try to tear us away from the Lord – and who will hurt our witness for Christ – if we don’t know God’s wisdom for us.

Understand that the last days will be dangerous times. People will be selfish and love money. They will be the kind of people who brag and who are proud. They will slander others, and they will be disobedient to their parents. They will be ungrateful, unholy, unloving, contrary, and critical. They will be without self-control and brutal, and they won’t love what is good. They will be people who are disloyal, reckless, and conceited. They will love pleasure instead of loving God. They will look like they are religious but deny God’s power. Avoid people like this. 

Some will slither into households and control immature women who are burdened with sins and driven by all kinds of desires. These women are always learning, but they can never arrive at an understanding of the truth. These people oppose the truth in the same way that Jannes and Jambres opposed Moses. Their minds are corrupt and their faith is counterfeit. But they won’t get very far. Their foolishness will become obvious to everyone like those others. 2 Tim. 3:3-9CEB

  • In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we command you, brothers and sisters, to keep away from every believer who is idle and disruptive and does not live according to the teaching you received from us. 2 Thess. 3:6 NIV
  • Take special note of anyone who does not obey our instruction in this letter. Do not associate with them, in order that they may feel ashamed. 2 Thess. 3:14
  • Now I urge you, brothers, to watch out for those who cause divisions and obstacles that are contrary to the teaching you have learned. Turn away from them. Rom. 16:17
  • If he refuses to listen to them, tell it to the church. And if he refuses to listen even to the church, regard him as you would a pagan or a tax collector. Matt. 18:17 (After you confront a brother privately and then bring several other believers and confront him…)
  • If anyone comes to you but does not bring this teaching, do not receive him into your home or even greet him. 2 John 1:10 (speaking of false teachers)
  • But now I am writing you not to associate with anyone who claims to be a brother but is sexually immoral or greedy, an idolater or a verbal abuser, a drunkard or a swindler. With such a man do not even eat. 1 Cor. 5:11

Verses about trusting the Lord

Verses about trusting people (they are mostly about how we can’t trust other people)

Verses about false teachers

CHOOSING FRIENDS

So when we choose close friends, or our children choose close friends (or future spouses), there are biblical standards we are to apply to our selections. Of course, we are not to be like these passages above, ourselves, either. We are to walk closely to the Lord and invite Him to help us purify our own lives of any sin. And then we are to surround ourselves with strong believers in Christ.

  • Blessed is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked or stand in the way that sinners take or sit in the company of mockers, Ps. 1:1

We want to try to have fellowship with everyone we can. But if someone is toxic for our faith, the church, or our witness – by God’s definition – we put our love for fellowship with God above our desire to fellowship with people and we honor His commands for us. He is our LORD.

We don’t avoid people out of pride, self-righteousness, hatred, bitterness, or resentment. We avoid certain people, based on a right handling of Scripture, with the goal of protecting our witness for Christ and with a heart that longs to see people repent and turn and be transformed and healed by the power of the Holy Spirit and the Gospel of Jesus Christ.

SEEKING GOD’S WISDOM

These passages don’t mean that we avoid unbelievers who sin. We are supposed to engage with people who don’t know Christ and share the hope of the Gospel. We minister to them, love them, pray for them, and try to reach them.

But we are not to allow anyone to influence us to pull us away from the Lord and from His Word.

It requires the wisdom and discernment of the Holy Spirit for us to properly evaluate various relationships. We need to be sure we are right with the Lord ourselves and that we are not practicing any of these sinful lifestyles ourselves. Then we need to seek God’s wisdom humbly. We don’t seek to accuse, berate, and condemn other people. But we do try to protect our children and ourselves from ungodly influences.

PRAYER

Lord,

We desperately need Your wisdom and the power of Your Spirit to rightly handle these difficult situations. We want to act in goodness and love with motives that please You. We want to share Your love with everyone. We want to see Your church purified, cleansed, united in love, and vibrant. Help us to discern how to handle these tough relationship issues with holiness. Help us to shine brightly for Jesus in all of our interactions with everyone. Direct our every step for Your glory alone.

Amen!

SHARE

If you would like to share some general things about this topic and what the Lord has shown you, you are welcome to share. I do ask that we keep this space respectful of the Lord and of others and ourselves. That we don’t publicly share details of other people’s sin here. That we don’t tear anyone down. I’d like this place to be a place of edification, blessing, and honor.

Thanks!

My commenting policy

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Dealing with Annoying Things

 

WHAT IF MY HUSBAND IS LIKE THIS?

If it is our own husband or children who fit these descriptions, we may not be able to avoid them, necessarily. If you have a husband like this, I would encourage you to check out Nina Roesner’s eCourse, “Becoming a Woman of Strength and Dignity,” so that you will be better equipped and prepared to deal with the situation in a godly way. Or you can check out:

www.focusonthefamily.com – has a one time free counseling service and counseling referral service

www.biblicalcounseling.com – can help you locate a Christian counselor

We can still choose to be a godly wives even if we have a husband who is far from the Lord. God may use our godly, respectful, holy attitude to draw our men to Himself. We want to seek, on our end, to honor our marriage covenant and to pray for God’s healing. We want to shine for Christ and seek to honor the Lord in the way we relate to our husbands, our children, the Lord, and ourselves. (For posts on this topic, click here, or look under categories at “win him without a word.”)

Verses for wives with unbelieving husbands

IF YOU ARE IN AN ABUSIVE SITUATION

However, if you are in an extreme situation where you or your children are in danger, your husband has serious uncontrolled mental health issues, he is involved in active adultery, he is actively involved in drug/alcohol abuse, etc… please seek wise, experienced, godly counsel. If possible, try to get somewhere safe. Involve the police, medical professionals, your pastor, or a trusted Christian counselor, if necessary. There are times when a godly wife may have to prayerfully consider separation. This doesn’t necessarily mean you have to get a divorce. But I don’t want to see any wife, husband, or children in a dangerous place.

And, if you are not safe with your older children, or with a friend, coworker, neighbor, pastor, teacher, police officer, or anyone else, please seek individualized, local help ASAP, as well.

FOR SINGLE WOMEN

If you are not yet married, but your boyfriend or fiancé has a lot of the characteristics in these passages, that is a big red flag. Please see this post about men we are to avoid as Christian single women who are choosing a spouse. You may also want to check out my posts about Red Flags.

 

20 thoughts to “Avoid Such People”

  1. I struggle with this a lot, especially at work… like where is the line? I have particular coworker that I work with that, without going into much detail, calls herself a Christian but tries to manipulate myself and the team through conceit and arrogance. I struggle between loving my enemies in this instance and just staying away from her. I feel like every time I open up to her in love she takes it as an opportunity to brag and put me down in some way. God has been teaching me over the past few years of working with her how to handle her in His power. I’ve come to learn to operate on a situational basis with her; i.e. communicating with her when I have to, and avoiding her when it isn’t something work related and we don’t have to speak. I try not to hold bitterness towards her. Thanks for writing on this tricky subject. I too agree this should be talked about more, it’s so important we use discernment when choosing the kinds of people we allow into our lives.

    1. Amber W.,

      It is a very difficult line to discern at times. Yes. There isn’t necessarily a magical formula. Usually, these situations, especially with coworkers, require a lot of prayer, humility, and discernment from the Holy Spirit.

      I pray for God’s continued wisdom, love, and the power of His Spirit for you to respond in ways that bring honor and glory to Him!

      Much love,
      April

    2. Hi Amber,

      When someone is persistently hurtful and insensitive, it’s wise to distance yourself. You can love and pray for her from a distance. Pray that God will open her eyes to the effect she has on people and that God will give her the wisdom to change her ways and walk in humility.

      1. Nikki,
        It can get very tricky with coworkers. We do need to interact with them. We want to act in godly ways. But there are times when we do have to distance ourselves so that we are not dragged away from the narrow path that leads to life. May God give us His wisdom, His discernment, His love, and His Spirit to help us rightly handle these situations in ways that will exalt Him. And may we faithfully pray for our unbelieving coworkers’ salvation as we seek to shine for Jesus in dark places.

  2. Something I have learned is the healing power humility brings to our relationships, and without it (mutually) their is sadly not much relational wiggle room. I think we should always strive to leave mutual space for humility, being a safe place for eachother, etc. However, living in a fallen world this is an ongoing battle! It’s scary because evil men may decieve us unawares.

    1. Jaimie,

      YES! Humility – godly humility – is VERY healing to our relationships. It helps to deflate defensiveness and helps us to extend much-needed grace to each other.

    1. Miss Min,

      That is a really important question. It depends a lot on the specific situation and how severe the abuse is.
      Are we talking about a husband, family members, coworkers, or what kinds of relationships? And how severe is the wrong they are doing?

      Much love!

      1. Thank you for your reply, April. There are a number of people who have interfered in an important relationship of mine, bringing about some very negative results. They are his family. Most particularly, it is his father, who has been dishonest and manipulative, using emotional blackmail to force his son to do his bidding. Unfortunately, it has worked, causing what seems to have been an irreparable breakdown of our relationship. I want to hold them to account…but do it in the right way. It’s difficult to word things when one is really angry, so I’m holding off until I’m calm and clear-headed. Your perspective would be very much appreciated.

        1. Miss Min,

          God gives us instruction in His Word about how to handle enemies.

          Romans 12:14-21

          1 Corinthians 4:11-13

          1 Corinthians 13:4-8

          Galatians 5:13-25

          Here are many more verses.

          25 Ways to Respect Myself

          17 Tips to Ask for What You Desire Respectfully

          And for more help with an extended family member who is emotionally abusive, check out the free resources regarding toxic and destructive people at http://www.leslievernick.com.

          For a stronger spiritual foundation for yourself and to learn how to handle conflict in your marriage and in general in a godly way, I would highly recommend Nina Roesner’s eCourse, “Becoming a Woman of Strength and Dignity.” She talks about how to enforce godly boundaries with respect. It is especially helpful in marriage. But many of the principles apply in other relationships, as well.

          Most of all, invite the Lord to work in your own life. Repent of any sin you see there. And invite Him to transform you to be more like Jesus and to empower you with His Spirit. He can give you the strength, wisdom, insights, and discernment you need in each specific situation.

          Lord,
          Please direct Miss Min into Your narrow path that leads to LIFE in the midst of this very difficult trial. The enemy would love to get her to look at these people as enemies. But these ungodly people are really just slaves of sin and of Satan who desperately need a Savior. Help her to see the real enemy. Help her to seek Your perspective. Help her to respond in the power of the resurrected Christ. Use this trial for Your glory. Use it to bring Your kingdom into this family – not by her strength, but by Yours. We invite Your authority, Your power, Your truth, Your healing, Your love, Your salvation, and Your regeneration power into each member of this family and into her marriage. We praise and thank You for all that Jesus has done to provide for Miss Min and her family. Empower her to shine brightly for Christ and to act rightly so that when she stands before You, You will be able to say, “Well done, My good and faithful servant,” and that she might be able to stand beside these extended family members in heaven and rejoice over the work of Jesus in all of their lives for all of eternity! And may You alone receive all of the praise.

          Amen!

          1. My beautiful April, I am incredibly touched by your heartfelt and thoughtful response. Your beautiful prayer for me means such a lot at this difficult time. I’ll get hold of Nina’s book and study the scriptures you’ve outlined for me.

            I do repent each morning of any sin in my life that I can recall (it can be a long conversation!) and ask to be more like Him; and definitely for His wisdom and discernment. I know I can’t change people and must leave it to the Lord. I’ve learnt that from rugged experience, lol.

            Just to clarify, I’m not married but was in a relationship that I thought was headed towards marriage. He had certainly asked me but those plans have been completely shelved. (Details edited out by Peacefulwife for privacy’s sake.)

            I’m very, very angry with them all, and even with him for giving in to their coercion, and as I’m a bit of a spitfire, I want to take some time and care to approach it properly, as God would wish. I really appreciate your help at this time and am buoyed up by your kindness and support. I’ll keep you posted. Bless you.

            1. Miss Min,

              You are most welcome. I believe those resources will help you grow very strong in the Lord and help you to have clear vision about how to deal with all of this difficult stuff.

              If you are not married yet, that is a very different situation. I would actually encourage you to read some of the post on my blog http://www.peacefulsinglegirl.com about things like:
              – red flags
              – ready to be a godly wife
              – should I marry a divorced man

              Perhaps some of those posts may also add some clarity and wisdom.

              How I pray for the Lord’s healing for everyone involved.

              If you need some resources on dealing with the anger after you read about red flags, please let me know.

              Much love!

              1. Hi April. Wow…I read your article on red flags and was quite shocked to see how many of these were present in my intended. He’s never made any real attempts to change them and that’s sad for him. Your post, and a good number of others I’ve read on Peaceful Single Girl have really helped me to start letting go and letting God. Thank you.

              2. Miss Min,

                Most of us – if not all – have a lot of areas we would need to seriously deal with before marriage. And after, too!

                But it is so critical that we understand any spiritual red flags in a potential spouse, and in ourselves, and that we seek to address those issues before marriage. Marriage exposes hidden sin. Even if you deal with everything you can see before marriage, there will be much more that will be uncovered in the crucible of marriage.

                I long for every believer to seek to follow Christ wholeheartedly and to allow Him to transform them by His power – and to seek only to marry someone who is also truly seeking the Lord.

                I’m glad those articles were helpful.

                I pray for God’s wisdom and healing for you, dear sister!

                Much love!
                April

  3. Hello Sis in Christ,

    How are u Sis April and Sis Amanda its been a long time since the last day I visited here. It seemed that I missed a lot of topics here huh :).

    As time passed by, since the day I am helping myself to overcome challenges in my life especially the marital issue… I owe everything in Christ and April’s blog that indeed it helped me to face the different type of circumstances.

    Alone I am weak but in Christ I am strong… Apart form him I am nothing…And each day I am getting stronger, (stronger than yesterday) :).

    I’ve learned to rebuke any negativity that may go through to my pathway, such as dealing with negative people, negative environment, negative mindset.

    When negative tries to strike me again, outright I surrender it all to God in letting go by depending and believing that God will never allow it again to hurt me, its just a simple task actually :).

    I had a lot of testimony to disclose here guys a lot of revelation how God worked in me and to my son’s welfare . From broken to whole as a woman and youth of Christ.

    Chat u soon guys! Take a bunch of care…

    Lovingly yours,

    Darl 🙂

    1. Darl1982,

      What a blessing to hear from you and to see all that the Lord has been doing in your life and teaching you. WOW!

      I can’t wait to see all that He has in store for you.

      Thank you so much for sharing! 🙂

      Much love!
      April

      1. Sis April,

        Very fascinating that u remember me Sis!

        You’re very much welcome and U will always be the channel of blessing to all!

        All Glory to God!

        Love lots,

        Darl82

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