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“I Wish I Could Be a Homemaker Full-Time.”

Before we address this painful issue, that is such a sensitive one for so many wives, let’s go over some basics.
(Note – if you are in the opposite situation, I have a post for wives who want to work but whose husbands would like for them to be home.)
GOD’S AUTHORITY STRUCTURE IN OUR LIVES
Definitions:
  • The world defines authority as – tyranny, abuse, selfishness, lording power over others.
  • God defines authority as – shepherding, bringing order to society, nurturing others, providing for them according to God’s will, loving them, taking good care of them in a humble, selfless, sacrificial Christlike way.
  • The world defines submission as – slavery, being a second class citizen, having less value as a person, being a doormat.
  • God defines submission as – a voluntary willingness to recognize God’s ways and His wisdom and to accomplish His will by cooperating with His directives.
  • Positional authority – a person in a position of authority, like king, president, manager, husband, parent, or pastor.
  • Influential authority – a person who may influence the person in the position of authority like an advisor to a king, a deacon board to a pastor, an assistant manager to a manager, or a wife to a husband.
 
The way God works out His will in our lives is that He uses people in positions of “delegated authority” to help accomplish His purposes. He is the “direct authority.” But He gives His authority to certain people to help accomplish His plan. There are people like this in leadership positions in every area of our lives – at work, in the government, at church, and in the family (husbands and parents).
By God’s design, He chooses to lead us through imperfect people in positions of leadership.
 
If we are seeking the Lord’s will and yielded to His Lordship, part of what we will do is submit to human delegated authorities in our lives (unless they are clearly trying to lead us to violate God’s Word and principles).
 
God’s design for marriage is that the husband is in the position of “leader.” He is in the driver’s seat. Not because he is more important, more talented, smarter, or more valuable. Just because this is God’s design and His appointment to accomplish the picture He wants to accomplish in marriage.
  • The husband is supposed to represent Christ and His selfless, unconditional love, sacrifice, humility, wisdom, and servant hearted leadership.
  • The wife is supposed to represent the church in its relationship to Jesus in the way the wife honors, respects, and follows the leadership of her husband.
  • This portrays the gospel to the world  – and to our children. (Eph. 5:22-33)
If we usurp our husband or rebel against his leadership, we malign the gospel of Christ. (Titus 2:3-5) This is a weighty matter – of infinitely more significance than whether I work outside of the home or not right now.
Also, our children learn how to submit to authorities in their lives, including ourselves and our husbands, by watching our example of how we honor their dad’s authority.
 
MY SUGGESTIONS FOR A WIFE WHO WANTS TO BE HOME BUT HAS TO WORK RIGHT NOW
  • For financial reasons.
  • Because your husband wants you to work.
  • Because you don’t have a choice due to circumstances.
1. Submit first to the Lordship of Christ Jesus.
Be completely yielded to Him, His will, His purposes, and His glory being accomplished in your life. Trust Him fully to lead you. Be willing to lay down your greatest dreams, desires, and fears before Him. Trust Him with them all and allow Him to do what He believes is best in your life. Seek His will far above your own will. This is “dying to self” or “taking up your cross.” Be willing to be content in Christ whether you work outside the home or not.
 
Give all of yourself – your body, your gifts, your abilities, your talents, your intelligence, your health, your time, your money, your resources completely to the Lord. Consecrate yourself and your life to Him. Hold your dreams loosely in your hands. Commit to doing whatever He desires you to do with all your heart in service to Him alone. When you have such an attitude, He will open doors that you can’t begin to imagine. Doors to opportunities that are infinitely better than your personal plans and dreams.
 
2. Submit second to the God-given leadership of your husband.
Your trust is ultimately in the Lord to lead you through this man, even though your husband is not perfect and he may not even be close to the Lord at this time. (If you are not yet married, please don’t marry a man who is not fully seeking to live for Christ as Lord on his own.) God is able to lead us in His will for us as we honor the leadership of those He has placed in our lives. God led Israel through Moses’ leadership. The people could not get to the Promised Land unless they honored and cooperated with Moses. It is the same for us. We can’t live in the center of God’s will if we live in rebellion against God’s authority structure in our lives at home, at church, at work, or in the government (unless the authorities are asking us to rebel against the Lord).
 
You cannot accomplish God’s will for your life if you rebel against your husband – or any other God-given leader in your life (unless they are asking you to rebel against the Lord).
 
Honor your husband’s request for you to work. Respectfully speak up about your limitations and needs. You can share your heart on the matter and say something like:
 
  • “Honey, I would really love to be home. It would be my dream to be home to take care of you and our family all the time. But I know that you are the head of our home by God’s design and I will honor your desire for me to work if you believe that is best for us.”
  • “If me working is the most important thing to you so that I can contribute financially, I will do my best to support your decision, even though I believe it would be most honoring to the Lord for me to be your helpmeet at home. I do need to let you know that I can’t work full-time and do all/most of the chores, cooking, shopping, and child care. That is too much for one person. I will still need time for things that are most important like God, you (and sex with you), the kids, exercise, and time to rest. Balance is going to be much more difficult if I am working full-time. So I would love to talk about how we might want to handle chores and household responsibilities so that neither of us are overworked or overwhelmed. I’d like to know that we can continue to touch base and negotiate together if there are issues in the future.”

You could also suggest a part-time job that may help you have greater balance between helping financially and keeping the house and children. Of course – there may be emergency situations where there isn’t a choice and a wife may have to handle everything, at least for a time.

NOTE – If your husband suggests that he stay home full-time and do the chores and child care and that you work full-time, let’s talk about that together before you agree to it. 🙂

 
3. Pray.
Invite the Lord to work. Ask for His will. Ask for Him to open doors and change your husband’s heart if it is His will. Invite Him to change the circumstances and provide more opportunities for your husband to bring in more income to feel confident to be the sole provider. Invite Him to change your heart and perspective.
4. Examine your motives and approach.
Be willing to examine your spending and expectations of lifestyle. Are you willing to give up eating out, vacations, frequent trips to the salon, fancy new designer clothes, expensive make-up, extravagant purchases, etc…? Have you been asking for a bigger, more expensive house or car? Let your husband know you can be content without those things if being a homemaker is what you believe the Lord is calling you to do. Perhaps your husband would feel better about being the sole provider if you are content with much less materially?  One reason some husbands feel their wives need to work, too, is because their wives talk about wanting bigger, more expensive houses, vacations, or cars. If those things aren’t really that important to you, your husband needs to know that you would be much more content with less things materially and that you are willing to stick to a realistic budget if you are only living on his income.
Go through the budget together and evaluate whether you working really does help a lot financially and whether it is worth the price. Write down all of the costs associated with your working: career wardrobe, gas, day care, eating out more because everyone is too tired to cook, less time to shop and cook so more expensive things are bought that are more convenient, time involved, etc…
5. Embrace the opportunity to be at work.
Thank God for having the opportunity to work if this is His will for you. Own it. Receive it. Decide that you are going to make the absolute most of this opportunity. Invite God into your home and into your work life. Invite Him to help you make both places sanctuaries of peace, welcome, hospitality, warmth, joy, love, and blessing. Ask Him to do big things in both places and invite His greatest glory into your home and work place.
 
Determine to use this time to seek the Lord wholeheartedly and to develop a much stronger walk with Him. Invite Him to show you what He wants to do in your life in this time and what He wants to teach you. Use this time to really seek God’s will and His glory for yourself, your family, and your work place. Be available to be an instrument in God’s hand to bless your family and coworkers/customers richly.
 
5. Avoid harboring jealousy, bitterness, or a critical spirit.
It’s easy to be jealous of women who stay home if you wish you could stay home. It’s also easy to harbor bitterness and resentment toward God or your husband if you don’t get to do what you want to do at the time. That is unproductive and toxic. Focus on being thankful for the situation the Lord has given you and on what He is calling you to do at this time.
And, as a reader mentioned, let’s also avoid judging other women who make different decisions. All of us get criticized no matter what choices we make in this area. That is hurtful. Let’s love, encourage, and seek to bless one another. Being a wife and mom is hard. Let’s not assume we know every mom’s motives or what is best for each family’s situation. We each answer to the Lord for these decisions, not to each other.
 
6. Remember that the dream of  being home all the time can easily become an idol.
Any dream or desire can become more important to us than our love for the Lord if we are not careful. Be sure to seek Christ first far above all else. Let Jesus lead you. Be content in whatever place He decides is best. Whether we are fulfilled or not is not really about our circumstances. It is mostly a matter of our attitude, our faith in God, and our willingness to develop a heart of thanksgiving. (Phil. 4:4-8, 12-13)
7. Savor the waiting.
Often, the waiting is the most important part of the answer to prayer. It is in the waiting that you learn to develop stronger faith and learn to trust God in spite of your circumstances. Check out “Waiting Becomes Sweet.” God may have reasons we will not understand until later for the delay or for leading us into a certain place
8. Remember that you are responsible for your thoughts, attitudes, words, emotions, and actions.
Realize that how you think, act, and respond to this situation is about whether the Spirit of God is filling you or your flesh is in control. Invite Him to intervene and see what He wants to do. Be open to the spiritual pruning and refining that He has in store for you first to help you become much stronger in your faith.
Sometimes life is hard and there aren’t any easy answers.
It is in those moments that God often tests and grows our faith the most. We don’t know all that the Lord knows. We don’t know what He may be sparing us and our families from when He leads us in a particular way. We don’t know all of the blessings He has in store as we yield to His will. Our job is not to understand it all ahead of time but to trust Him completely to do what is ultimately best for our families, ourselves, and God’s kingdom in light of eternity.
 
Much love!

SHARE

If you have words of godly wisdom to share with other wives who are struggling in this area, please do! And if you are having a hard time with this issue, you are welcome to share in the comments. We can hash through some of these hard things together.

RELATED

The Life Ready Woman by Shaunti Feldhahn

Spiritual Authority – by a minister at my church

A Husband’s and a Wife’s Authority in Marriage

My Posts on Biblical Submission 

What Is Godly Spiritual Leadership?

Posts about Husbands and Leading

 

 

21 thoughts on ““I Wish I Could Be a Homemaker Full-Time.”

  1. Hi April,

    I love this post! Thanks so much for highlighting this very important topic.

    There are so many debates out there about what is better for the kids – for the mother to stay at home or work full-time. I firmly believe that regardless of whether or not the mother works, once she is walking with Christ and honoring His and her husband’s leadership, the children would benefit greatly.

    You mentioned that we should avoid harbouring jealousy. I believe that we should also avoid judging women who make different choices.

    – I’ve seen stay-at-home moms judge working moms as not caring about their children.
    – I’ve also seen working moms judge stay-at-home moms as being less competent and capable.

    As followers of Christ, we should aim to slander no one (Titus 3:2). We should just love and support other women as much as we can without any judgement or criticism in our hearts.

    Right now, because of circumstances beyond my control, I have to work and put my son in daycare. If I didn’t work, my husband, son and I would literally be homeless and starving. I’ve had many women judge me for that and make me feel like a cold, heartless monster! I’ve been called “one of those new class of mothers who puts her career about her child”. It is something that has brought me a lot of pain and heartache because I love my son more than anything and try really hard to be a good mother.

    I pray that every women in this blog would focus on Christ and work to clean our hearts of any jealousy or judgement towards anyone. I pray that we would give each other unconditional love, support and encouragement as we walk the narrow road of following Christ and loving our families.

    Lots of love,
    Nikki

    1. Nikki,

      Yes, if we are walking with Christ and allowing Him to lead us, walking in His Spirit, our children benefit greatly no matter what the current situation.

      Ooh! That is a great point. Thank you for mentioning that we shouldn’t judge other women. Some women don’t have a choice. And sometimes people make choices that are best for them at the time, and they are seeking to follow the Lord. They answer to Him not to us. This is a matter of personal conviction and a private decision each couple must make for themselves. The choice may change over time, too. So – yes! Let’s extend grace to other moms and not assume evil or wrong motives on their parts.

      There are always so many people ready to criticize. It does hurt. No matter what choice we make, there will be those who judge us. May we seek to honor the Lord first and to cooperate with our husbands and do what we need to do at this moment.

      Thank you so much for sharing. Your insights are a blessing to me.

      Much love!

    2. Nikki, i fully agree with your comment on the body of Christ showing love and support to each other regardless of their situation. God has a special plan and purpose for each woman and there are no cookie-cutter children of the King! God can use you as a great light in the workplace; it is indeed your mission field during this season of your life! I will pray for your family as well 🙂

      1. April and Psalm127:1girl,
        Thanks for your kind words. Your messages brought tears of joy to my eyes and makes me feel loved and supported. Working full-time is what God has called me to do at this time in my life. I consider it a blessing that God has provided me with a job so that I can in turn provide for my little family.

        I never considered my work place to be part of my mission field. I’ll definitely focus on that from now on and make every effort to bring Christ’s light to my workplace.

        Lots of love,
        Nikki

        1. Nikki,

          I worked full time until our first child was born. I had always planned to go part time at that point as a pharmacist. But when our son was born, I wanted to be HOME. All the time. How it tore my heart to shreds to leave him, even with his grandma who loved him. I begged God for years to allow me to stay home full time. I asked Greg to let me quit my job. Let’s downsize our lives. Let’s live a super simple lifestyle, without a mortgage, and I’ll stay home with the kids. But God has not opened that door for me. I used to be quite bitter about having to work. So many of my friends and women in my family got to stay home. Why couldn’t I?

          Now, I understand more about what God had in mind that I could not anticipate or see. I see the beautiful relationship my children have developed with their grandparents. I see how it has been a blessing for them to be with them and their dad sometimes, too, instead of me all the time. It has helped provide a great balance for them in so many ways. It has given us the ability to take the kids on some amazing trips to see things that they will always cherish – Washington DC, the Creation Museum, the Ark Encounter, the Rocky Mountains. And we have the funding to have friends of our children come over and do special things with them to minister to them. We also have a house that is big enough to have lots of people over and to minister in that way and to show hospitality to family and friends. That has been a blessing and a ministry, too.

          God has also used me at my workplace to minister to countless people – patients, coworkers, and pharmacy students. I can’t count how many times someone has said, “It’s like God sent you here to be at this pharmacy to bless me today.”

          Because I am able to contribute to my family pretty significantly even by just working part time, I have the time to devote to ministry to other wives, and I am extremely grateful for that.

          God’s plans for us are difficult for us to anticipate. And sometimes they change in ways we don’t expect. But His plans are good. It is a blessing to be able to see that my job is just as much of a place for me to serve, love, and honor the Lord and to love and bless others as my home is. He has me there for His reasons. I want to be faithful to Him and be a blessing to those around me.

          I’m glad that thought is helpful for you. It changes everything, in my view, about my perspective and attitude about being at work.

          May the Lord richly bless your work and your family for His glory.

          Much love!

          1. Hi April,
            Thanks for sharing your story. I’m so happy that you can minister to your family, your co-workers, your customers as well as women on the internet.

            There is no one way to serve the Lord. You can serve the Lord 100% by being a stay-at-home mom, by working full-time or by working part-time.

            To be honest with you, there was a point in time when I considered becoming a nun. I was actually being pressured into it from a missionary group that I volunteered with. They told me that the best way to serve God is to live exactly as Jesus did (i.e. in singleness, celibacy and full-time service to the poor and sick). They presented it to me as the best and only way to truly serve God. I knew in my heart that it was not God’s calling for me and have since gotten married and had a son. I believe that as a married woman who works full-time, I can serve the Lord with all of my heart exactly where I am.

            Each of us has a unique calling. There is no need to compare ourselves to others and feel jealous or insecure about where God has us. We can serve God exactly where we are.

            Lots of love,
            Nikki

            1. Nikki,

              Thank you, I am very grateful for the balance in my life at this time. I believe I am in the center of God’s will for me right now.

              As long as we are seeking the Lord wholeheartedly and fully yielded to Him and His leading, we can be in the center of His will and serve Him 100% wherever we are. 🙂

              I’m glad you followed the Lord for yourself. And glad that we can all be different and unique and yet love and serve the Lord together in unity.

              Much love!

  2. Hello!

    I was so thankful to read this post this morning. I have recently begun my Peaceful Wife journey after finding (or rather, the Lord led me to) your blog. This issue is close to my heart right now. My husband and I have extremely similar personalities as you and your husband April, so your posts are usually spot-on. 😉

    When my husband and I were first married, I worked full-time and had no desire to stay home at all. Over time and children being born and various events, God led me to step down from a stressful, higher level management job, and then eventually cut down on some hours as well. As our children approached school age we decided homeschooling was where the Lord was leading us, but financially it didn’t seem possible. So we decided I’d need to do both. I homeschool during the day, then when my husband gets home from work in the late afternoon, we take turns exercising and then I shower and head off to work for the night, returning close to midnight.

    Getting to sleep is hard and then the day starts again. My husband and I both agree this is not ideal and it has been extremely difficult, but there is not another option for us right now. Because we are part of a conservative church, all of the other moms I know are full time stay-at-home moms, which can feel very isolating at times. I miss the baby showers, the Bible study nights, etc. I’m fortunate in that my husband is amazing at trying to help with things like laundry and dishes, etc (thanks honey!). But the house is never really clean (you know, that stuff like scrubbing floors, showers, etc), so I never invite anyone over (more isolation, argh!).

    I believe we are good stewards of our money – we tithe off both our paychecks as well as give to our church’s building fund, missions fund, and humanitarian groups like Samaritan’s Purse as we are able. Yet we are still barely making it, which is confusing to us. We don’t have any credit cards, drive used cars, shop at thrift stores & Grocery Outlet, and utilize the food bank several times a month, and rent a small house owned by family who give us a steep discount (ptl!), honestly because we wouldn’t have anywhere to live if they didn’t, lol.

    I know God has blessed us with this opportunity, and each month it seems like we won’t make it, but we do, and it’s completely by His grace and provision. As adults in our mid-thirties though, it is frustrating sometimes to still be where we are. Humbling for sure. My husband and I both want for me to be able to stay home more, but it’s just not on the table…really, it has never been an option.

    I can relate to any women’s frustration at living in a messy house and feeling like there is zero time to do anything! It’s hard to understand why God would put a desire, a good desire, like being able to afford a regular rent payment (dare I even say own a home?), be available to make dinner for your husband each night, or keep a clean house, but then not provide a way to accomplish those things. I’ve heard it said that in the kingdom of God, delayed answers are gaining interest. I sure hope so!

    Right now we are trying to dig deeper and make sure we are faithfully praying, and making sure there is nothing spiritually keeping us from those things. How do we know that this isn’t where God wants us? Is it possible God doesn’t want us to have those things? Maybe we need to change our prayers? These are the questions floating around our house constantly. Anyone relate? 🙂

    Thanks again April, for your blog…. transparency and a call to righteousness, always a good combination.

    1. Psalm127:1girl,

      Thank you so much for sharing your story. Wow! Y’all are doing a LOT. I’m glad you were able to cut down on your hours and stress at work. And I am glad you are able to do the homeschooling that you believe the Lord desires you to do. That is a grueling schedule. Whew!

      Yes, in a situation like that, some things have to give. There just isn’t enough time in the day to do everything. But you are focusing on what you believe is important and seeking the Lord, so that is awesome!

      I pray for God’s wisdom for you both and His leading so that you might be able to provide adequately for your family financially, emotionally, spiritually, educationally, and in every way. This may be where the Lord desires you to be. I obviously don’t know God’s plans and His will for you regarding a house and things like that. But I do know that as you both seek Him wholeheartedly and seek to be in the center of His will, He will lead you and lead you well.

      I’m so glad you shared your story. I can also appreciate that you would feel isolated with so much on your plate and no time to get together with other people.

      I pray for God to make things very clear and for His best for you, your husband, and your children.

      Much love to you!

    2. Hi Psalm127:1girl ,
      Have you ever heard of Dave Ramsey? If not, if you are interested I suggest that you check him out online. He is a financial guru who teaches people about how to manage their finances. He has a radio show called The Dave Ramsey Show. You can listen/watch his programs on his website or on YouTube. You can also read his book The Total Money Makeover which is available at libraries at no cost to you of course. Maybe you and your hubby – if you are both interested – can watch a few of his shows online together, and see if it is something you would want to consider. His plan involves certain basic steps that one follows to get out of debt and/or to better manage their finances. It is applicable regardless of one’s income level and many people testify to its effectiveness. It pretty much helps one to streamline income and expenditure and stick to a budget and an overall plan. Of course, if you are not interested in checking it out, that’s ok too :), but I think you might like it.

      1. Prayinglikehannah, thank you! I have heard of Dave Ramsey but it was a long time ago, and I had actually forgotten about his finance tools. Your suggestion about using the library is a fantastic idea. Thank you for the reference! ☺

        1. You are most welcome.

          Additionally, listening his advice to callers (which can be done at no cost, on YouTube or on the Dave Ramsey Show’s website anytime of the day that’s convenient for you), is not only informative but quite entertaining. It’s always nice when learning is fun :).

  3. April,

    You know ever since we met that there were many opportunities that arose for me to work when my husband got laid off and how I battled deciding and didn’t know what to do and ultimately, each time, opted out of working. My husband has never been “demanding” in this situation, but he has mentioned me working since we got married. You know the battles I went through over this, and realizing that ultimately, he thought it would be “good” for me to get out and do something because he knows I’m the type of person that doesn’t like to sit around and do nothing. And especially when he gets laid off, he thinks it a good idea for me to work in the mean time.

    Well the time has come again, right on schedule lol, and this situation arose again as the summer work is over, and now he is laid off. As you know, I have come to a place in my marriage and with the Lord that I am willing to do whatever God wills. So this time, when the lay off came, I offered to get a job if my husband wanted. He of course agreed.

    So I applied to some jobs, and I got offered a waitressing job for night time. At first, I was ok with it. But then the battle began in my heart.

    “Why do I have to give up MY job (at home) all of a sudden just because he is home now?”
    “Doesn’t He want to be a man and me be a woman?”
    “Doesn’t He want to provide for me and take care of me and cherish me like he is supposed to?”
    “Why does he think that it’s not fair that he has to provide alone when I do EVERYTHING for him when he’s working?”
    “He doesn’t appreciate a thing I do at home, and thinks I do nothing important for this family (when I am giving my life to it everyday!)”

    He has over the years always brought it up as almost an argument against me that he has always provided and I never did anything to “help” him in this way. Even though, at the time, I would have NEVER been able to get a job that would ever come close to his salaries, and it always seemed pointless. Plus, in his line of work, he is gone alot, which would leave me unable to work because who would take care of my son? If I pay for daycare, what is the point of my working in the first place?

    There has always been this unspoken feeling in the air that my husband just hates that I have been home these 3 years and thinks that I only married him to “not have to work anymore” and to use him and live a “comfortable” life at home while he is slaving away in the world. He thinks it is unfair that he has to go out and face the wolves and I don’t! He hates that I have a college degree and don’t plan on using it or even desire to use it!

    It feels like he wants me to “prove” my love to him by getting a job!

    So here I was, over the past month really, battling this out. I slipped into bitterness and resentment and all those things. But ultimately, the Lord led me to let go of my “wants” in the situation, as I realized why the Lord was leading me to do this in the first place. The Lord would have me NOT get comfortable in any situation in this life, and not have my HEART SET ON THIS WAY OF LIFE!

    And I do see the wisdom in taking this job — my son will get to spend time with a father for once, and stop relying on me for everything and grow more in responsibility if I am at work at night. My husband and I will not be spending 24-7 together which only leads to more conflict when we do. I will make enough money to keep us from blowing through savings. My husband will get much needed time with the Lord as he has truly been giving up all his time and energy to working all summer.

    He and I talked about the chores and I made it plain what I expect if I do this job. I was able to honestly tell him all the things I listed above that were coming into my mind. He was offended at first, but didn’t get mad, thankfully. And I think he is realizing why I am so against working, because I don’t feel it is my role at all and that for me to go out and do this will only cause more harm than good. HOWEVER, I am willing to do it to prove to him that I care about him, and I am obviously willing to do it as unto the Lord.

    But inside, I still hate the idea, and don’t understand why men are so against women being home this day and age. But whatever, if I have to deny myself and it will further the Lord’s interests, then so be it. I am not going to fight against what God is doing or allowing right now just because I want what I want!

    It is ironic that you posted about this 🙂

    1. Satisfied Wife,

      I believe it often works best for the wife to be at home or to be part time so she can be there with the kids. To me, it makes sense practically and biblically. Of course, there are many different situations and sometimes the answers are not easy and black-and-white.

      With all of us marinating in feminism and with all of the opportunities women have now, things are a lot more complicated. There are so many options now. And people’s expectations are different today. Including husbands’ expectations sometimes. Although, when there are lay offs, a wife being able to help contribute can be a great blessing. I think it can help a husband to feel like his wife is on his team when she is cooperative about this.

      I know what a struggle this issue can be. I definitely understand! But I am very glad that you are open to dying to self and to cooperating as the Lord may lead, even if it goes against what you think is best. Praying for the Lord’s wisdom for you both and for His continued good work and healing in your lives. I pray He might use this very issue to help draw your husband closer to Himself and to bring more healing to your marriage.

      You are so precious to me! It’s wonderful to hear from you.

      How may we pray for you?

      Much love!

      1. Thank you April! I do believe that this is a time of change for us, and that it will all work out according to God’s will and purpose in it all!!!

        Let us pray that His will be done, His purposes accomplished in and through our lives and homes that He may be greatly magnified!!!! 🙂

        1. Satisfied Wife,

          I’m excited to see what He will do in your life and marriage and in your husband’s life through this. And I am excited to see how He will work in each of our lives in this area for His glory in some situations that may be a bit difficult for us to discern at first.

          Much love!

  4. Hi April, thanks for this.

    I have a question – normally I submit to my husband’s directions, but this week I have been defying him because he is asking me to do something that is very hard for me. He got a job thousands of miles away and has already started the job, while I have stayed behind with our kids to wrap things up here and then join him after house is sold, etc. I work full time and I have a few weeks of vacation stored up. He has given me plenty of tasks to do to related to our move, some of which I have found it difficult to find time for, like sorting through clothes he left behind and shipping a bunch of them to him. This week he has been demanding that I take my vacation immediately now, without advance notice to my employer, so I can have time to take care of these tasks.

    But I have responsibilities and projects on my plate at work and I don’t feel comfortable just taking suddenly my vacation and not fulfilling my obligations to my employer. I have scheduled a couple days of vacation spread apart over the next week so that I can BOTH fulfill my husband’s tasks AND my obligations to my employer, but he is really angry that I have not done EXACTLY as he said and dropped everything at work on the spot. I just feel strongly that this is an unreasonable demand and that he should respect that I have a job as well and need to meet the deadlines there. I also don’t want to leave my job on a sour note. Am I out of bounds?

    P.S. It was his desire that I work in the first place, it was not my original plan for my family life but I have grown to enjoy my job a lot. Thanks for your input!

    1. Working Girl,

      That is a tough situation. You have someone in a position of authority over you at work, as well. Your husband has authority in your life, yes. But your employer has authority, as well. There are policies and procedures there, too. And it would be extremely irresponsible, to your employer, for you to just drop everything in most situations.

      Is there a way you can accomplish all that your husband wants you to do without jilting your employer and being irresponsible at work?

      Let’s pray right now and ask God for wisdom.

      Lord,

      Working Girl is in a very tough spot. She has your authority to honor most of all. And she has her husband’s and her employer’s authority to honor – and the two are conflicting. Of course she has a covenant with her husband that she does not have with her employer. But she wants to honor You, her husband, and her employer. Please make a way. Please change her husband’s heart, her situation, or give her the light she needs to see exactly what You desire her to do. That is the most important thing.

      We ask for Your wisdom, insights, discernment, and the power of Your Spirit to lead our sister in this difficult situation. Please use it for Your glory!

      Amen!

      Much love to you! I can definitely appreciate that this is a very difficult situation and it is not an easy scenario. Do you believe you will be able to finish everything he wanted you to do in the days you will have off? Have you ever respectfully talked about this dilemma with him – about wanting to honor him and your job, as well?

Thanks for joining the discussion! Let's keep it classy and respectful. I'm so glad we can walk this road together.

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