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33 thoughts on “Maybe God Made a Mistake – Making Me This Way?

  1. Dearest April,

    You just gave me goosebumps with that psalm which I only “discovered” yesterday and which I have been wholly focused on ever since. God knitted us, God made every stitch and breathed life into every atom of us, how could He, being the Ultimate Father, not love and adore and cherish us!!

    Thank you dear sister for showing me always that I am on the right path! And thank you for being a truly special (and extremely beautiful) friend to women.

    Much love,


    1. Hope,
      You are most welcome, my sweet sister. I love this psalm! May you continue to learn more and more just how wide, deep, long, and high the love of God is for you.

      Much love and a huge hug to you!

  2. Thank you very much for this post
    This blog help me very much (excuse me, I don’t speak english very good 🙂 )
    Be encouraged, you and your husband and your children to continue the journey!

    1. Celine,
      I’m so thankful that the Lord has used this blog to bless you. It is wonderful to hear from you! Your English is good. 🙂

      Much love!

  3. Sister in Jesus,

    We may be sure of one thing, that Our beloved Father does not give a figure that we are necessarily pleased with (I believe that some of those unkind people, at least were or would be now very envious of your figure). It is our inner “figure” the one that only God can fully perceive, the one that is turned toward Him or not that he is looking at. I do not think that He sees anything that is unfeminine in you. Please forgive me if I have crossed a line with this message.
    Thank you as always,

    PS. I pray for all of the sisters who have been denigrated by their families and/or husbands for their physical nature. That is sinful, unmanly and UnGodly.

    1. jesuscentreoflife,

      Yes! God is most concerned about the heart.

      We could always find things we don’t like about our human bodies. The most popular, beautiful girl in my 10th grade class admitted – during an exercise we did in English class one day where we had to say something we didn’t like about our bodies – that her neck was too long. I had always felt she was stunning and graceful and gorgeous.

      My prayer is that we might each choose to receive the gift of our bodies with joy and thanksgiving and not focus on the negative. And more than that, that we might focus on Christ and receiving our identity from Him. These earthly bodies are only a temporary tent, after all. If we can focus on wanting to be totally yielded to Him to please the Lord and to be available to do the work of the Kingdom, that is what matters most.

      Thank you for the encouragement to our sisters and to myself.

  4. Everyone,
    Our daughter has been sick for the past 5 days – she has needed extra cuddles today. But I hope to get to jump back into the discussion in the morning. SO thankful for each of you and your contributions to this important discussion.

    Much love in Christ!

  5. First of all April, what a cute little girl you were and thank you for sharing your story. I was teased too because I wasn’t as developed as other girls were. But then if a girl was well developed for her age, she got teased. Seems like one can’t win. Is your young one feeling better?

    1. Regina S,

      Thanks for the kind words. 🙂

      We took a trip to the doctor for my daughter today. She has been suffering with an adenovirus and now has a very bad double ear infection. And school starts in two days! But she started on an antibiotic and has been deemed not contagious by the doctor. So she is very happy about that. 🙂 Thank you for asking!

      I remember that girls who developed early had it very hard sometimes, as well. Honestly, I think they may have it even worse – because the girls who developed early were often teased but also then became targets of flirting and a lot of unwanted male attention, even from much older men.

      These days, some girls begin menstruation at the age of 8 – which means their bodies develop curves even earlier than that. Sometimes second grade. It blows my mind what these precious little girls have to learn to handle at such a young age.

      I am so sorry you were teased, as well. I have a feeling we have all been hurt by other people’s hateful words at some time in our lives. I don’t think anyone is immune from that.

      Much love to you!

  6. Ah,that’s a sweet post, April. I love it! I too thought maybe God made a mistake. In my family I had to be tough, so I thought I could never be a sweet, gentle spirit, and I believed that things like resting in the Lord or submission, or any kind of softness at all, were beyond my reach, and therefore prevented me not only from embracing femininity, but from being a Christian, too. I actually kept my faith hidden in the closet for many years. Some people have some pre-conceived and misguided notions about what Godly femininity really looks like, and I internalized many of those negative messages. To this day people still tend to confuse “soft” with “weak” and “submission” with “passivity.” I know you’ve addressed some of these things before.

    The good news is, the Lord took me anyway, flaws and all, and today I actually am a sweet gentle spirit most of the time, and I enjoy femininity.

    1. insanitybytes22,

      I definitely didn’t have a “naturally” sweet, gentle spirit. And I sure didn’t easily “get” submission. That is interesting how those things kept you from embracing femininity and also Christianity. Wow!

      Yes, there tends to be a lot of confusion in the world and the church on these important topics.

      So thankful that the Lord loves each of us and receives us to Himself as we yield to Him. I love what He is doing in your life! That is awesome!

  7. Brilliant Amanda! G-D led me here. You eloquently expressed everything I needed to hear in this moment.
    Bless you sister.
    Praise Jesus

  8. Hope,
    You are not in an easy position. But my prayer for you is that you will be SO filled up with the Lord, His truth, His power, His love, His wisdom, His discernment, and the victory of Christ that you will walk in continual closeness with Jesus and have His heart and mind to know exactly how to approach this challenging trial with your husband for the glory of Jesus. I pray for the resources, godly counsel, and sensitivity to the Spirit that you need. As well as for God to bring His victory to bear in your marriage, your husband’s life, and your own life. Satan no longer has authority in your life, you are a daughter of the King!

    Much love!

  9. Thank you, April!

    Your posts are always a great pick me up when I’m feeling down. This one, in particular, resonated with me as I am also flat chested and unfortunately am insecure about it.

    I have been reading your blog for 2.5 years. I am one of those women who has seen “success” on occasion by being very intentionally respectful. Your ideas, though sometimes hard to implement, definitely are received better by my husband than the disrespect. However I continue to be reminded that ultimately God is the one who needs my whole heart. My deep disappointment when I’m feeling hurt or rejected in my marriage – nudges me that I have not yet found complete contentment in Christ. That I still rely on the arm of flesh. I have seen God work miracles on my heart and that of my husband, interspersed with moments where I wonder where His hand is. But I can only control my reactions and actions and I do not yield to his Spirit as I should. Reading your posts and the comments is so inspiring as I consider the ways in which God is shaping me, teaching me, and strengthening me, even when I am hurting so badly.

    1. Working,

      I have to admit, I am very blessed to have a husband who is supportive of my figure and who has been fine with it whether I was a size 14 after giving birth or whether I am I size 2. But the awesome thing is that even if our husbands don’t support us and love us unconditionally, God does. 🙂 We can find refuge and security and strength in Him – no matter what our size may be.

      Here is a post written by Radiant about how we don’t have to try to be a trophy wife – that is something she struggled with for a number of years.

      I also invite you to search my home page for “body image” for some posts that I believe may be a blessing on this topic. As well as “insecurity” and “security.”

      There is also a post about dealing with disappointment here that may be helpful.

      It is so wonderful to hear from you! I know that respect doesn’t come naturally to us. It doesn’t come naturally to our sinful nature, or our female nature, and it is very countercultural, for sure. But it is so amazing that God can give us the tools we need to better understand our husbands and to communicate with them in ways that honor them and bless them. It is a win/win!

      Do you believe you need some resources to help with yielding more to the Spirit? Let me know if you do.

      Much love and a huge hug, sweet sister! I praise God for what He has done in you and for all that He is going to do for His glory and your benefit. 🙂

  10. Dear Jae,

    I agree with April about being a good steward of your body being in line with God’s wishes. The body is the temple of the Spirit, which means that we should take care of the body – in many ways, one of which is weight / fitness / etc.

    When I was struggling with weight issues (although mine were different – extreme dieting interspersed with occasional binging, even though my weight was healthy, plus being hugely critical of my figure), an older friend taught me to pray by saying:

    “Dear God, thank you for this food. Please help me to enjoy it as a blessing from You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.”

    She explained to me that food is a blessing – something that God gives us to enjoy (so we shouldn’t starve ourselves), but not something that we should enjoy more than Him (so we shouldn’t overeat). To this day I still use that prayer every time I eat.

    The getting noticed by men thing is a difficult, many-sided issue. I think one thing we as women are called to do is to dress in ways that flatter us (to honor our femininity before God) while at the same time dressing in ways that are not revealing (to honor our modesty before God). It is natural to be flattered if a man notices us, but I think we should strive to make it the same kind of flattered we feel if a friend says our shoes are cute (i.e. It’s nice that you noticed, but I’m not going to spend any time thinking about the fact that you noticed, and I’m not going to base any part of my self-esteem on it).

    Men and women are both responsible for their own sins regarding lust. Let’s say a woman dresses provocatively and a man has lustful thoughts about her. The woman will be held responsible for the sin of dressing provocatively, but she will not be held responsible for the man’s sin of lust.
    The man will be held responsible for his sin of lust, but he will not he held responsible for the woman’s sin of dressing immodestly. It is also possible for there to only be one sin. The woman could dress provocatively, but the man does not look at her with lust. Or, the woman dresses modestly, but the man lusts after her anyway.

    Because you can only control your own sin, I would respectfully suggest that women not go to the extreme of deliberately dressing in a frumpy or ugly way to try to prevent attention. This honors your modesty, but not your femininity. (Just as dressing scantily may honor your femininity, but not your modesty.) Godly femininity is both feminine and modest.

    I am sorry about your divorce. May the peace of God be with you.


  11. Dear Amanda, be encouraged today, your answer to Hope was also an answer to me! I had many questions in heart when i opened this blog the other day and found your comment hitting “the nails on the heads” in my situation, so much so that i came back to it to write it down i my journal! May our LORD keep you and bless you! With Christ’s love, Daniela

  12. Hi April,

    I hope your little one is feeling better. It’s been quite some time since I’ve commented here. So much has happened in my life. I took a break from blogs for a while. Sadly, for a time before that I took a break from blogs I should’ve been reading and spent a lot of times reading a couple that weren’t healthy – for me. They were by Christian authors, but not healthy for me personally. I think I avoided Peacefulwife because I was feeling anything but peaceful.

    Anyhow, a LOT has happened in our lives. In an effort to keep this brief I won’t go into details – much of it you know. The biggest turning point was about a month ago, when my husband and I had a HUGE fight. Our boys were both home, and it was a mess. But it ended beautifully. I basically broke down. I’ve never done that before – ever – even in times of great stress. I have always tried to not even cry. But I cried, a lot. Hours and hours of talking and crying. I have never felt so broken down. But at the same time it was incredibly cleansing. My husband was incredibly loving and I was able to finally begin to feel that love. I was kind of embarrassed that I behaved in such a way, especially in front of my boys (though they are older teens and were able to understand).

    (An interesting aside, I had blood pressure that had been creeping up for a while – around 130/90 – and a heart rate that usually hovered around 90 – 120 bpm. The other day I had a minor medical issue and had to visit two different doctors on two different days. Both times my BP was 124/78 and my heart rate has been around 80. That was exciting news! I guess it is true that stress can really take a toll).

    The interesting thing is, I finally have some measure of peace. Things are not perfect (in fact this past Sunday we had another argument, and there was more crying, but it was nowhere near as bad and we have finally learned to listen to each other, and work through things together), but it seems as if we are finally on the road to healing. I know I’ve said things like this a thousand times before, but this is different. For ever and ever I wanted to change, but I always still felt tied up in knots inside. The knots have finally untied. It was the weirdest feeling. I was completely exhausted for about two days after this happened. I have never experienced anything like this. God is so good, and so patient, and His mercies really are new EVERY morning.

    When I logged onto your blog today, this article caught my eye. I wasn’t sure I should read it. But I did and I didn’t have my old reaction. I understood. I was able to read it without a barrage of negative emotions. I then read the previous post “The Spiritual Healing…” by Radiant and it was amazing. I could relate to it so very much.

    In the past, I really did not like myself – my appearance – I truly felt like the ugliest woman on earth. I knew it was wrong to think so poorly about one of God’s children (myself) – and that caused an incredible amount of guilt. But I couldn’t even look at a picture of myself without being disgusted. I don’t have that problem anymore. There are still pictures of myself I do not like, just like any woman. And I don’t feel like “oh I’m so amazing – look at me” – but I no longer feel disgusted. I just feel like – well – me! I am sad and I regret all of the pictures that I destroyed and deleted. But the past is in the past. I can only move forward.

    My husband called me beautiful the other day. And I smiled.

    1. Becca,

      This is SOOOOO awesome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      You have been especially on my heart for the past week. I have been praying for God’s Spirit to go after you and to release you from that awful dungeon and bring you into His glorious freedom. I can tell that things are different. Just from the way you are writing and the way you are reacting to things. Totally different!

      This brings me tears of joy, my precious sister! I have been seeking your release from Satan’s hold fervently for a long time. What an incredibly joyful moment! To get to see that breakthrough and to see you begin to receive God’s healing and truth!

      I know there is still more healing to go. But I am SO THRILLED to hear about what God is doing in you both and how you are receiving good things from Him and talking with your husband. I’m so thankful you cried! That is a GOOD thing.

      And you are already beginning to feel God’s peace! WOOHOO!

      I actually have been thinking about you especially since I wrote that post. I wondered if I would hear from you. How I praise God that you were able to read it and understand it and not be overcome by lies! And that you were able to receive Radiant’s writing, too. YIPPEE!!!!!!!!!

      This is a moment I have been so looking forward to! I know the angels are rejoicing in heaven. And my prayer partners – who have also been praying for you – will be rejoicing, too.

      SOOOO excited to see all that God has in store and all of the healing that is coming as you receive God’s truth and love and as you receive good things from your husband!

      THANK YOU for letting me know!!!!!


      1. Becca, that is just beautiful to read. I’m literally smiling thinking about how much your husband will be relaxing into this and I am so happy to see you happy. Take care, HH

      2. Becca,

        You are SO very welcome! I am honored to get to walk this road with you. The issues you had and Radiant’s issues have been very similar, yes. I completely agree. What a blessing that she has been able to share here, too.

        I LOVE that y’all are acting as a team. That you are not fighting him or trying so hard. I love that you are relaxing with him and enjoying him and enjoying being you. That is one of the greatest gifts wives can give our husbands – that we are content, peaceful, joyful, and satisfied in life. His words are SOOOO beautiful and loving. WOW! How I rejoice with you!!!!!! I want to have a party to celebrate!

        Thank you for sharing. This means a LOT to me – to get to see you begin to heal. To hear about your joy and peace. YAY!!!!!

        Much love, and may the Lord continue His good work in your life and marriage for His greatest glory! I can’t wait to see all that He will do!

        1. Becca,

          PS – I could see where the Lord could take you. I had no doubt that He could heal you like this. So there was no way I could give up on you. 🙂

    2. Hey Becca,

      I’m so happy to read this!!!! ☺ Praising God and rejoicing with you today!!!! I will pray for you today, for continued healing and peace! I bet your husband is also feeling pressure lifted too!

      Love in Christ, HH

  13. Thank you for this post. It was encouraging to me. I too have heard a lot of times that I looked like a boy. I am tall and I had short hair too. Even now I am still not a girly-girl. And no matter how hard I try, I will never be fashionable!

    Only recently I have STARTED to come to terms with this. It’s fine. What does it matter what people think of my appearance when I have a God who loves me so much that He died for me? This is still theoretically, I am still sad over the way I look and the fact that I cannot change my body. But at least it’s a start.

    What doesn’t really help is that my husband is really fixed on me having long hair. I like my long hair and I don’t want to cut it, but it would be nice to hear he would still see me as beautiful if for whatever reason I would not have it. But even just the thought upsets him and shuts him down. I feel like it’s all that makes me beautiful to him.

    Lately I have started to recognize the lie that my self esteem depends on my husband. Even if he would think me ugly, it does not have to determine how I feel about or see myself.
    (and I think if my husband didn’t feel this way I would never have gotten to this point, so maybe it’s actually a blessing in disguise!)


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