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My Primary Goal As a Wife Has to Be This One Thing

Reminder – I have a conference in Eaton, Ohio February 25th and a conference in Columbia, South Carolina March 24th-25th. You are most welcome to come!

Marriage meets many needs and fulfills a number of purposes in our lives, in our families, the church, and in society. A healthy marriage:

  • Brings stability to society.
  • Teaches the next generation how to have healthy relationships.
  • Is to be a safe place to raise children and for them to learn what love is.
  • Can meet both spouse’s needs for companionship.
  • Can be a place of wonderful friendship.
  • Is the only place where God condones and celebrates sex.
  • Can be a place of romance and fun.
  • Can provide financial stability and resources.

But there is an even greater purpose for marriage that I can’t ever forget.

God’s greatest purpose in marriage is that marriage is supposed to display the gospel of Christ and it is to bring great glory and honor to Him.

My marriage is about so much more than just me. It is about much more than just my husband or just our children. It is ultimately about something infinitely higher.

  • Marriage is to be a living parable demonstrating the relationship between Christ and the church where the husband is to portray the love, humility, selflessness, and sacrificial leadership of Christ. The wife is to portray the honor, respect, and submission of the church for Christ. (Eph. 5:22-33)
  • When we as wives focus on our role and what God calls us to do – the gospel is exalted – and the same is true when husbands focus on the role God gives to them and walking in submission to Christ as Lord.
  • If we choose to disrespect our husbands and dishonor God’s design for us as wives and for marriage, we malign the gospel of Christ. (Titus 2:3-5)

This is a very lofty goal, my precious sisters. Marriage is no longer about me being happy,  me having my way all the time, or me having control. It is not about my husband being the most important thing or about me seeking to please him at any cost. It is about me completely yielding my heart, my mind, my life, all that I am, all that I desire, all of my fears, all of my purposes, my marriage, and my family to God to accomplish His purposes. Whatever He sees fit. My eyes have to be on eternity and God’s kingdom now – not just today or this lifetime.

Now my heart’s cry is:

Not my will, but Yours be done! Luke 22:42

As an individual believer in Christ, my purpose in life is similar.

  • I am to bring glory to God far above anything else. (1 Cor. 10:31)
  • I am to seek His will far above my own. (Luke 22:42)
  • I am to count myself dead to sin and this world and alive to God through Christ. (Romans 6:11)
  • I am to take up my cross daily. (Luke 9:23)
  • I am to be completely at God’s disposal, His trusted, faithful servant, willing to do anything He may ask of me. (John 14:22-24)
  • I am to view suffering as God’s tool to refine me and to grow my faith. (Romans 5:3-5, James 1:2-8, 1 Peter 4:12-19)

This changes everything about how I relate to my husband (and everyone else, but we will focus on marriage in this post).

Now I don’t need to ask questions like:

The funny thing is, when I asked questions like this and my heart was not wholeheartedly yielded to God’s, I actually sabotaged my marriage. I kept God out because I didn’t trust Him. Then I was upset because my marriage was a mess. What a confused girl I was!

The scariest place in the world to me now is to trust self and to not trust God. When I yield everything to God and I am in fellowship with Him and His Spirit fills me, He also pours His healing and the spiritual treasures of heaven into my life and through me into my family and those around me. He withholds no good thing from those who belong to Him.

For the LORD God is a sun and shield; the LORD bestows favor and honor; no good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless. Psalm 84:11

Note  – the only way my walk can be blameless is when I allow God’s Spirit to live in and through me to empower me to obey Him.

Now I ask questions like:

Real peace comes as I know and love Christ wholeheartedly and as I trust Him completely with everything.

God’s Spirit can give us the power to stay when we may not feel like staying because we can look with an eternal perspective rather than an earthly one when we are abiding in Christ. He can give us the ability to love when maybe our husbands don’t deserve it. He can give us the power to treat our men with honor, dignity, and genuine respect – not because our husbands deserve it – but because Jesus deserves our utmost reverence and we want to submit to His Lordship completely.

When I am willing to obey God and I am filled to overflowing with His Spirit, His wisdom, and His power – there is no stopping God! He loves to do miracles and move mountains for those who fully trust Him. But I don’t love Him so that He will do what I want Him to do. I love Him and trust Him to do what He knows is best. I can ask Him to change my desires to match His.

His wisdom is infinitely greater than mine. I can rest in Him and His love and sovereignty no matter what my situation. I can trust His promises to me and anticipate how He is going to bring great good from even the most awful situations because He promised to do just that for those who love Him in Romans 8:28-29.

RELATED:

Verses on Suffering

Verses on the Lordship of Christ

Verses on Taking Up Our Cross

How to Stay Filled with the Spirit

Spiritual Authority

A Husband’s and a Wife’s Authority in Marriage

How to Have a Relationship with Christ

 

What about wives who truly are in danger?

For those who are in very dangerous situations, the goal is still God’s greatest glory. His Word still applies. You still have His love. You are not beyond God’s reach! I pray that you will seek godly counsel and wisdom one-on-one from a trusted Christian counselor or pastor. Pray, seek to hear and obey God’s prompting for you.

I don’t know exactly what God desires every wife to do in every situation. But God has the wisdom each one needs. I don’t want to see anyone hurt or killed. I hate abuse and God sure hates abuse. There should not be hatred, rage, or violence in our relationships as believers.

God’s Word does provide for separation when something very serious is going on that can’t be resolved – in 1 Cor. 7:10-16 – but it is not to be entered into flippantly or without significant reason. This is not God’s primary plan and design for marriage. If we take such a step, as believing wives, we want to be SURE that we are doing so because it is necessary not just that we are unhappy, feeling unloved, or that things are just really hard. Marriage is a covenant between God, my husband, and myself. I want to keep my end of it until death do us part – may God help me to do so!

 

 

16 thoughts on “My Primary Goal As a Wife Has to Be This One Thing

  1. this is so awesome and such a blessing as always. I will have to finish up later. I’m at work. I have found out that my disrespect in more deeper seated at myself and how I treat myself, not so much my husband. but I can never fully respect others if I’m disrespecting myself. I’m trying to bring Christ to work with me and seeing how that looks. dying to self is a long process. I’m trying to move over and let Christ fill me up. thank you! luv you and all that do!!!

  2. A wonderful read as always. It is so easy to get caught up in our own desires for ourselves, and our families. It is helpful to constantly get a godly perspective of what we should keep sight of, and always consider when we pray and focus. I always enjoy reading your posts about checking our motives. I have always been a believer, but I have found myself growing so much more lately as I am learning a wife’s purpose. Thank you April!

  3. Great reminder, April!
    This kind of mindset definitely changes the whole perspective and it is so much more peaceful way to live.
    Also, I really enjoyed reading your comments to SisterinCrist on the other post about your daily schedule.
    I’m also learning to get by on less sleep so I can enjoy my hubby and spend time with him. Sometimes it’s a little tough the next day, but I wouldn’t trade it for anything!

    1. NB, I have the issue of a late-night husband too and would love to find that post you mentioned above from sisterinchrist. Would you direct me to which post it was? Thanks!

      1. Here are my comments to SisterinChrist to which NB was referring:

        SisterinChrist,

        I usually work 9-12 hours per week in the pharmacy. This week, I worked an extra 9 hour shift yesterday. And there were a lot of weeks where I worked almost about 30 hours per week last summer. I usually spend 30 hours or so in online ministry time. It can easily turn into a lot more than that. Right now, I am also editing book #2. And, of course, I need time with God, with Greg, with my kids, time to go for a walk several days per week, and chores have to fit somewhere.

        I couldn’t do all that I do ministry wise and with my time with God if I worked full time. The weeks when I have to work more in the pharmacy or on editing – I often have to pare way down on online ministry time.

        Recently, while I have been doing my first phase of editing on The Peaceful Mom – I have changed my comment section on this blog to be only active for posts from the past 60 days or so. This is a big change for me. I usually have all of the posts open, just about, to comments. My blog gets about 125,000 hits per month. I could easily spend 5-8 hours per day on comments. I have to really watch myself there.

        I try to get offline by 9-10pm depending on the night. That is hard for me, too!

        If you work full time 5 days per week, you just won’t have as much time to do other things. One way I incorporate exercise is to take my daughter and son with me on walks so we all get some exercise together and some bonding time. I also try to teach them to do chores to help free me up to do other things. I have my quiet time with God in the morning when things are quiet. On days I work, I probably get about 20 minutes. Other days, I may get an hour or two.

        I type very quickly, which helps me with time management online. And I also think very deeply a lot all through the day every day – and many of these topics I have written about a number of times, which helps me to be able to respond thoughtfully, prayerfully, and relatively quickly. If there is a new issue that I haven’t really done much praying about before, I will take more time to pray before I respond. I don’t want to rush through my responses, that always comes across as being unloving. Not good!

        We don’t have a specific rigid schedule. My family would not enjoy that. But I know that it does work for many families to do that. Could be something to pray about an dot talk with your husband about, perhaps?

        And I don’t sleep much. I am up with Greg enjoying him from about 10pm-midnight every night. Usually sitting with him in bed while he watches TV. Talking now and then, and cuddling. And then I am usually up between 5:30 and 6:00am. I wish I could sleep longer, but my kitty likes to have me up at 5:30 or so. And I don’t have a way to stop that at this point. So I do have more hours per day than some people do. 🙂

        I try to cut out absolutely everything out of my schedule that I don’t need to do that I believe is not what God wants me to do to save as much time as possible for the things I know He does want me to do. I am pretty ruthless about that. I don’t really have hobbies. I don’t go out much with friends. I don’t talk on the phone much at all. My life is pretty laser focused on my mission. Loving and knowing God. Loving and caring for my family. Writing. Loving and ministering to my sisters (and brothers) in Christ.

  4. This is really good information! I’m glad to be a part of your post and following you! My hubby and I sat down the other night and had a mini one on one on respect it really blessed us! I saved this to my Penzu Journal! Thanks so much for helping those such as myself believe again!

  5. Great reminder as I’m up in the middle of the night with my newborn. My husband pointed out that I was trying to control everything about baby and not respecting his choices. This culture exalts moms as the ONLY authority and it’s hard to submit when I disagree, but ultimately I need to display the gospel. Thanks for the scripture to sharpen my heart!

    1. Liz,

      I think as we become moms, our urge to control is even stronger than ever. We want what is best for our babies, of course. And there are so many fears and things that could go wrong. It’s easy to just take over completely and believe we know best all the time.

      I’m glad this was a blessing and pray that God will empower us all to display the gospel for His glory!

      Much love!

  6. I’m focusing on overcoming my anxiety in life right now. (My poor husband does not know how to deal with me.) I’d Had a few very victorious days recently, where I felt forgiven, felt the Holy Spirit, had the fruits of the Spirit clearly and effortlessly, in how I related to my husband and children. Lack of patience had been huge for me before that. I knew it was God, and not my own works. Then a couple big days of office work and appointments, and it all came crashing down, and I went back to flesh mode. When I get back into the downward spiral, I see my needs and desires as HUGE, then I start fearing even trying again, because I fear that I’m not saved or I would be more controlled by the Spirit, and I’m afraid I will fail again. Today while soul searching, I’m coming to believe the reason I crashed was because I started focusing on how me having the Spirit would draw my husband to me and cause greater intimacy, and I was putting him in my heart above God? Still don’t have complete clarity on that. I guess I just get hung up on how I can be learning so much but yet rest in God, while I’m not perfect.

    1. ByGrace,

      That is awesome about the victorious days! God is able to give us victory as we completely focus on Him and allow Him to fill us up. It is a normal part of this journey that if we take our eyes off of Him and begin to focus on self, we will crash and burn. I am still certainly capable of this, and we all will be for the rest of our lives. It is critical for us to take our thoughts captive (I have a video about that if you are interested) and to immediately shoot down any selfish motives or ungodly thinking.

      This is not a matter that you are not saved. Being controlled by the Spirit is a moment by moment thing as you allow God to have control. We still have the choice to allow our sinful flesh to have control as believers. When we don’t know Christ, we are slaves to our sinful nature and we can’t obey God. When we belong to Christ, we can choose to be filled with God or we can rebel.

      Your victory is totally dependent on you being empty of self and filled with Jesus. Just get back up and get your eyes back on Christ and He can give you victory again. 🙂

      Much love to you!

      1. ByGrace,

        You are also welcome to search my home page search bar for things like:

        – fear
        – anxiety
        – insecurity
        – security
        – identity in Christ
        – lordship

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