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A Husband Experiences God’s Power in the Face of a Fierce Storm

A husband shares how God has empowered him to face his greatest fears in the strength of Christ. This post is a bit lengthy – but WORTH IT! If you are feeling discouraged or afraid to trust God with your situation, I know you will be greatly blessed to read this believing husband’s story. Seven months ago, he described that the things he trusted in (himself, his marriage, his wife, etc..) felt like a sinking iceberg. He knew God was calling him to step off of the iceberg into the boat Jesus offered to him. Things have gotten much worse – they are not getting better – but HE is no longer the same fear-filled man that he was. THIS is the kind of faith and intimacy with Christ I want to see each of us live in every single day. 🙂 I’m so thankful he allowed me to share:

SEVEN MONTHS AGO

I went to the outback for a couple of weeks for work. I strongly suspected that when I got back my wife would be gone – so it was a hard, hard time. I could see the truth in the thought that a life of faith would be a life of peace but I couldn’t “get” there. I just couldn’t. But I knew my iceberg was melting and soon I would be drowning.

I took along the book Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray (link contains a free download) and read it through and through. I read Scripture over and over. I took a notepad and wrote down everything that came to my mind and I realised that I was a massive people pleaser, full of pride, and unbelief.

I knew I was a Christian but I was not living in the power of Christ.

It was NOT easy to accept these things about myself but they were true. Hebrews 3-4 talks about how the same message can be given to two people but one will benefit from it because they believe it but another will not benefit because they do not believe it. I could see that rest (the rest God gives us when we trust Him) just sitting there but I could NOT make myself peaceful.

I came to a point on that last trip where I knew absolutely that my iceberg was going down and I made a conscious decision to step into the boat of Jesus. I wrote out a prayer of surrender and prayed it. I meant it with my whole heart but I was a broken, hurting mess. I took a “selfie” after I had prayed which was a picture of a broken man with a tear stained face. This may sound weird but I wanted to remember the sincerity of the commitment.

I truly put my idols on the altar that trip and told God that He could have my wife for His will. In truth I was still scared of what He would ask from me, but I was willing to give it. I was probably like the man who cried “Lord I believe, please help my unbelief” (Mark 9:24). 

And, God took me at my word. He knew I meant it. And I did mean it. She left. And it hurt. Lots.

I was in the boat with Jesus at the helm but I was sitting cowering on the floor, shaking with fear and not sure if the boat was going to sink.

I’m going to put something else into the illustration this time… a shark! The enemy was a shark to me, circling around the boat, rubbing his sharp skin against it. I lay in the boat, knowing that I had truly given everything to God but listening to the sound and taunts of the enemy with great fear, still. I could feel the pain of his teeth in my mind. I could hear the storm raging and already feel the pain of the waters of an affair or divorce. But, I was committed to trusting God in a conscious decision.

LEARNING TO GIVE MY FEAR TO GOD

Time passed. I had moments of great peace mixed with moments of great fear. I had stopped trying to control things because I knew I couldn’t sail my boat, but I was terrified of where it was going. I listened to the shark and the storm as much as I listened to God. Many things happened that I cannot write up here in the interests of protecting reputations. The enemy was out to get me in the biggest way I have ever known before. He did NOT want me to live a life of joy and contentment. I have NEVER known so many attacks. But, I saw God’s hand through so many situations and slowly I began to realise that I was not sinking.

I remember one situation that I was overwhelmed with fear, I knelt down and cried out to God and said “God, the Israelites were facing giants and those giants were real! Two of the spies chose to trust your word and ten didn’t. Maybe those two were still scared but they chose to trust you! My giants are real Lord but I am choosing to trust you even though I am scared”… instantly I felt God’s presence and peace and praised Him for that. God is compassionate with our fear 🙂 He doesn’t look down on us for being scared, He understands our fear.

MY ROOT FEAR

This last trip, I wanted to study boundaries. I had come to a point in my journey where I wanted to be able to create boundaries out of love and strength, not fear. I started reading the gospels studying boundaries and writing down how Jesus dealt with people. I started noticing that all of his dealings with people were done out of a place of great strength and peace, not out of fear. There were times that He let people take advantage of Him and times He did not let them. But it was always done with a purpose and from a place of strength.

I knew I was still operating out of fear sometimes and I knew this was limiting my peace.

I started reading the book “Breaking Free” by Beth Moore. The Scriptures that Beth had used were (not coincidentally) Scriptures that God had laid on my heart over the past few months, (In so many ways I see God’s hand at work setting me free). I took my notepad again and started writing. I realised that my biggest, biggest fear was ABANDONMENT.

I was still scared of being alone and this was limiting me from being truly free. One of my best friends was talking to me a couple of days before I left and he said “You know I will never leave you right”? And whilst this sounds very weak I just burst into tears and said “No, I DON’T know that”. I still subconsciously felt I had to earn his friendship to be ok.

I have had many, many experiences of abandonment in my life. One example is that my best man rang me a few days after my wedding and said “I don’t want to be your friend anymore. I am jealous of your marriage, home and job and I can’t deal with our friendship”. I had been friends with him since I was 4 years old and that really, really hurt.

I realised in the last couple of weeks that I was still scared of being abandoned and this was limiting me setting healthy boundaries and stopping me really enjoying my freedom in Christ. I realised that this fear was at the root cause of my people pleasing behaviour. And I realised that even in my little boat I was scared that Jesus would jump out it I didn’t sit in the boat the right way. I hope that makes sense?

So, whilst away this time I surrendered this fear as well. I held up my closed fist to heaven and prayed to God and opened my fist in a picture of letting go of something I was clinging to.

I trusted the words of God that He would never abandon me. I trusted, consciously, that if He was willing to give His Son for my salvation then I would trust Him for everything. And OH, the peace that has come!! God is GOOD!! I took another selfie this trip, only this one was of a man with a peaceful, smiling, radiant face. I want to remember this surrender also 🙂

I started work the next day and I CONSCIOUSLY said to God, “I am working for you today. Even if no one else notices what I am doing I am working for you and you are well pleased with that.” I made known to my work team that I wanted to do the cooking for the trip and I got up early to do bacon and eggs and then made curries, cooked steaks and lasagna for dinners, etc… BUT I did it with joyful sacrifice not in an effort to please or earn favour. I did it for God! And OH, I was so happy and peaceful. And a strange thing happened, I started enjoying my workmates company so much more.

I was released from the fear of pleasing them and being abandoned and in a weird, strange way they actually opened up to me so much more. We had a GREAT time 🙂 I think they could sense that I just wanted to give with no expectation of a return. And, I knew that if I got back home and never was married to my wife again I would be more than ok as I had Jesus. He would never abandon me. Ever.

THE STORMS INTENSIFIED

Then, something happened. My wife tracked down where I was staying and rang me. I cannot tell you what was said. I told my work team that I was going to take that day off and they took one look at me and said “Mate, life comes before work. You do what you need to do and we have got you covered”……..and you know what, they worked a MASSIVE longer day than normal in intense heat to ensure we could go back home with our work requirements met and I could take the day off. Blown away. Thanks team.

Anyway, in God’s gracious timing I had let go of all my fear just before a storm of intensity hit that I have never had before. I got back to the biggest thing I have ever faced in my life.

Waves are crashing, the wind is howling, sharks are trying to leap into the boat now BUT I am sitting in the front of the boat with salt spray on my face surfing down the waves fully trusting Jesus at the helm. I am enjoying the ride!

God has brought me so, so far and how shall He who spared not His own son also not freely give us all things!? And, OH, He is working in ways that I would not have anticipated possible. In ways that I would never have dreamed of, ways that I would never have asked for but He is working and His name is gonna get so much glory! 🙂 And He is sovereign and allowed me to come to this point of releasing that fear before the next storm hit.

God is GOOD!!! In ways we do not realise. Please trust Him!

I am just loving walking with Him. 🙂 Walking without fear is so, so, so, so good. I am waking up in the morning happy, with a smile on my heart. I meet my Savior in prayer and worship each morning. His mercies are renewed every day. I wish I could grab this peace and put it into all of your hearts!!

THE STORMS RAGE LIKE CRAZY BUT MY JESUS IS MUCH GREATER!

The storms feel so small in the light of His power. How have I not seen this before? Why do we doubt the infinite power of God when we see His power displayed all around us through creation? My friends are commenting on how peaceful I am…….God is good. HIS light is shining, not mine. Rest is good. I am no longer driven to achieve to earn any favour from Him or from people. I steadily work at the task in front of me for His glory and know that I am secure regardless. I am enjoying my friendships with people so much more.

The storms that have hit since I got home have continued to grow. The impact of them is spreading, rippling all around me. The clouds are dark and the wind is strong. But, I have this calm certainty that the storms in MY HEART are over. They just aren’t there anymore. My heart is ‘different’ for want of a better word. I can’t explain it properly. I have a peace that is just awesome. And it isn’t leaving.

A situation rises and I feel that old fear begin to move and I CONSCIOUSLY look to Christ and the fear just melts away in the light of the cross. That, is where everything centers. It is awesome! 🙂 It is addictive. I wanna walk with God forever.

I don’t have to know tomorrow because I know my God. These idols are gone and I don’t want them back.

And, as these storms are rolling in my wife has commented on how calm I am through them. She has said that several times since I came back. The way the Lord has enabled me to respond to these storms is an absolute testimony to His grace. And, I feel it is having some fruit. She is reaching out through these storms….

…….in fact, we had dinner together Friday night for the first time in 7 months. And talked a couple hours after. Then tonight, she rang again to talk and asked me over. We watched a movie together and talked for a few hours. She was so open and honest. Things she said would have filled me with fear in the past, but I had zero fear and God’s peace just flowed through me. There is no need for fear because my heart is not held in her hands, it is held in God’s. And He will never let it go.

In our conversation I saw her heart, exposed and raw, vulnerable, facing some of her sin, sharing some of her fear and I loved her heart. I accepted exactly who she was and where she was at with no expectations and she knew it. God is GOOD. In Christ all our needs are met and we can truly love with agape love. Christ frees us to minister because He makes us whole.

ENCOURAGEMENT TO ALL

Friends, trust the Savior. You have seen me on this blog walk through fear, pain, rejection and a separation. You have shared some of my struggles through what I wrote. Through it all, even when I couldn’t see it, God was working to bring good. Not the good of a reunion (yet) or a perfect marriage (yet) but the good of a heart that has a peace not possible without God’s strength. That, is the treasure worth having.

In my view my wife and I are light years away from any sort of reconciliation or romantic love on her part. DW is consistent and clear that we will not ever be in a marriage relationship again and this whole storm is not about her running back to me. I have literally zero expectations from her and have told her so. And, I mean it too. I am there for her but expect nothing from her, and yet it is not in a doormat way. I cannot really explain it better than that. I just know that I am working from a place of strength and love. I am there for her but expect nothing from her, and yet it is not in a doormat way.

What I have written is purely a testament to the truth that when we wait on the Lord we truly soar as an eagle. It is a testament of truly, from the heart letting go of all control and the freedom that truly results from being sustained by God’s love and presence. Honestly, if I was relying on her in any way shape or form I would have been crushed this last week, and still would be. But, God’s strength is just SO strong. We underestimate it so much.

Sisters,

God can fill you with a peace that your husbands simply can….not….give….you. Trust Him.

I married as a controlling man, enmeshed and dependent on an insecure woman. I became a weak and insecure man dependent on a hard woman. Now, I am a strong, secure man, full of the love of Christ and able to give from that heart. God….is….good! 🙂

 

RELATED:

The Worst Year of My Life… But Then God! – Quinn’s Story

The Peaceful Separated Wife – Kirstin’s Story

My Two Year Anniversary As a Separated Wife

A Separated Wife Finally Begins to Experience God’s Peace in Her Life!

A Divorce and Reconciliation Story – by The Restored Wife

The ONLY Thing I Have Right Now Is the Lord!

Other People Don’t Always Know What You Should Do in Your Marriage

How to Have a Saving Relationship with Christ

I Was Sure I Would NEVER Make My Husband an Idol!

188 thoughts on “A Husband Experiences God’s Power in the Face of a Fierce Storm

  1. Thank you SO MUCH for sharing your testimony! I’m in a similar place right now, and this really encourages me! May God richly bless you and continue to fill you up with Himself!

  2. Thanks for sharing…I, too, am in this place that you now find yourself. I am trusting God, being there for my husband with the best and sincerest attitude, but have absolutely no expectations. My question here, though, is what does “being there for her” exactly look like? I.e. Whatever, whenever she wants you, you are there and do it? Not a doormat, of course, but little things that could turn into timing issues, etc. Even though I feel like I am free from being controlled by his emotions, if I say no to certain requests, for varying true reasons, I know it could ignite his anger.

    1. Hi MISSION61SION,

      For me, “being there for her” is not about doing whatever she says, whenever she says it. Far from it, that is just being a doormat. Sometimes I am not physically there for her, I want to spend time with the Lord encouraging my own Spirit with His love, so I switch my phone off and I am not contactable for a while. But, even this is based in love. Christ also withdrew from the crowds to sustain Himself in prayer when needed so He could minister effectively. It is awesome to have the freedom to be able to switch my phone off and feed on Christ, it’s being ‘unmeshed’ and is actually a form of love.

      “Being there for her” means making my decisions based on agape love and strength. It means being truly selfless and relying on Christ for everything. It is probably largely about my mindset and priorities, which are Christ, her, my kids.

      Practically, when with her, it means things like
      – listening without condemnation or judgement or trying to ‘fix’ things
      – having and showing empathy and compassion for the way she feels without enabling or agreeing with her sin
      – in a major situation, taking time off work to support her emotionally, even if it just means sitting together watching TV

      The key thing, in my view, is that I literally am not relying on her for ANYTHING and literally, completely rely on Christ. Then, things just ‘flow’. That is where the freedom is. I still can say “that hurts” but if she doesn’t care that it hurts, so what! I’m still ok, Jesus cares and I know His love 🙂

      If I say no to something and my no is based in love and and it ignites her anger then I am fine with that, because MY attitude, approach and actions were good. And, her anger does not cause fear anymore.

      HH

    2. mission61sion,

      I was talking with a wife today about this. Our ultimate goal is to have the approval of Jesus. Not the approval of our husbands. I hope that makes sense. I can’t let my goal be, “Never ever let my husband be upset with me.” My goal has to be, “Let my motives, thoughts, words, and deeds please God.” I want to bless my husband. I want to be the wife God calls me to be. But if I make my husband’s happiness or approval the most important thing – I am creating an idol.

      Sometimes a wife can be doing everything right, and a husband can still be upset. Probably because husbands are sinful people. If my husband is upset, I want to ask God to help me examine my words and behaviors for any sin. I can repent of any sin to God and my husband and seek to make things right. But I don’t have to apologize when I have not sinned. And I don’t have to assume I am wrong just because my husband is upset. Sometimes husbands are upset because of wrong thinking or other issues in their own lives.

      What happens if he gets angry?

      Are you safe?

      Much love to you!

    3. pray, ask God to lead you when you should be there and when you shouldn’t. Pray that you will be in the right place at the right time. Do not be afraid of your husbands anger, just follow God. Do whatever He tells you, and He will provide the way for you.

  3. Amen to the precious soul who wrote this and has given many of us that beautiful shining glimmer of light that is the hope that we may experience this too. May you continue to abide in His strength, love, wisdom, promises and abundant spiritual treasures for those who seek Him.
    Love the daily bible verses I get from the Daily Bible app (the red book with the yellow cross, there are several apps) This one is appropriate for today and EVERY DAY.

    1 Peter 4:12-13

    Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when his glory is revealed.

  4. Wow! What a powerful testimony! Thank you for sharing your story and the deepest places of your heart to encourage those who are still waiting for God to move like this in our hearts. My journey to a totally surrendered life is just beginning, and some days it is a very lonely and scary road. I am thankful for this blog and the real life testimonies people share.
    My life is very busy with raising kids, homeschooling, keeping a house and caring for my husbands needs. Most days I want to just run into my closet and cry (yes, I do that) to get alone with Jesus! I’m searching for the missing link to have a peaceful life, resting in Him. Maybe it just takes a little longer for some of us.
    God Bless!

    1. Emily,

      Goodness, you have a ton going on! It is very hard to grow in Christ when we are super busy and don’t have that one-on-one time with Him that we need. Are you able to get 20-30 minutes per day of time completely alone and quiet with God? Is it possible that you may be trying to do too much? I wonder if you might talk with God and your husband about how you could take a bit off your plate so you can have more sanity and the time with God you need? Are you getting enough rest?

      Much love to you!

    2. I am a homeschooling mom of 5, I totally get how you feel. There are times I do just as you said, and run to my room for some alone time. How old are your children? Ive started going to spend alone time while mine have lunch. I usually only get a 5-10 minutes but it’s still a blessing on my day. or I take the kids outside, they play while I have my time with God. Or while doing my chores I listen to praise music or a good sermon, or just chat with God about life. Many of my most precious times with God have come while doing dishes! We all need more quiet time with God, so we can hear him better. Are there any time eaters in your life that you could give up to spend more time with Him?

      1. you could also employ some of the older children to keep an eye on the younger ones to give you a little bit of God time. I have done this as well, my oldest and I have also been doing a mother daughter bible study together, which has been great for us both.

  5. That story is really a blessing! Often times I act because of fear and insecurities. Actually we can do good things based on bad motivation!
    I really like this “There is no need for fear because my heart is not held in her hands, it is held in God’s. And He will never let it go.”

  6. Thank you so much for this post!

    I am on a similar journey, having experienced some of the worst “bomb drops” one could imagine in my marriage (pending divorce, that I don’t want). Through it all, I have seen God provide some amazing healing in myself, in my relationship with Him, and in my relationship with my kids. He has provided a deep joy, hope, and peace that is present as long as I keep my eyes focused on him and use my “shield of faith” to put out the “flaming darts” of the enemy.

    As a person who likes to be in control of things, I still struggle constantly with completely putting my wife, marriage, and family at the foot of the cross, but God continues to work on me in those areas. I am praying for a miracle still, and I believe God will do that for me at some point, but I have to be so grounded in Him that I completely trust His Sovereignty, His Providence, and His Timing.

    1. PhilAdelphia1,

      SO thankful to hear about what God is doing in your heart, dear brother! Praying for His continued work and glory in your life, your wife’s life, and in your family. Praising God that you are trusting Him and resting in His goodness.

  7. This is so beautiful. oh how I love this testimony! And I completely understand that peace you are talking about. There is nothing greater in the world. As I read through this, I realized I am still not there yet. I have a good relationship with my husband, but I still fear disappointing him, I still fear abandonment. You have encouraged me to really root out my fears that are controlling me in my marriage, and in my parenting. God Bless you.

    Every storm must come to an end, and there is a special kind of beauty and calmness that always follows. I hope you share that testimony as well!

    1. Hi Sarah.

      This peace has changed EVERYTHING. All my relationships, every one of them. I talked with my boss to discuss my work future, something I have never been able to do before. I have been scared of leaving my job and yet it is not where I want to be. Now, I know that I will be ok.

      I talked to my parents about how much I used to be dependent on them and that our relationship was going to change from here. My parents are awesome and have always supported me, but I was so enmeshed with them as well and was not the man I could be. I don’t relate to them like a child/parent anymore. I relate to them like an adult/adult now. And it is GOOD!

      I really encourage you to root out the cause of your fear and really bring them before God. Ask Him to show you what is driving you! I guarantee in some way He will bring you back to Christ and show you that your fear is groundless in Christ 🙂

      I will share when my storm is over. Well, it kind of is over really as the REAL storm is what goes on in our hearts, and that one is calm! But, I will also share if there are any ‘circumstancial’ changes 🙂

      You know, I see God in EVERYTHING now. Letting Him do the hard work is so, so restful. We just need to let His power flow through us 🙂 Jesus is not only sailing the boat, He IS the boat….and the water…..and the wind…..and everything! Even if we fall overboard He has got us covered. Praise Him. HH

      1. HH,

        Your words are “deep calling to deep” right now brother! I love what God has done in your heart! It is speaking so strongly of Christ. GOD IS HONORED AND GLORIFIED IN THIS!!!

        Blessings,
        Amanda

  8. Ladies,

    Sometimes as we learn to respect our husbands, it can be tempting to try to measure our success as godly wives by our husbands’ responses to us or by their happiness (just like it can be tempting for husbands to measure how they are doing by their wives’ happiness). Emotions are a gift and blessing. They are a like gauges on an instrument panel to help us tell if there is a problem.

    If one of us is really upset about something – it means we need to dig in and ask God to help us find the real problem.

    Sometimes a man is upset because:
    1. Someone sinned against him.
    2. He has wrong thoughts/sinful thoughts in his own life.
    3. He is very hurt and emotionally/spiritually wounded and needs God’s healing.
    4. He is exhausted, hungry, sick, in pain, etc…
    5. He is under conviction.

    Just because my husband is upset does not necessarily mean I am in the wrong. I hope that makes sense. I don’t have to apologize when I truly haven’t done anything wrong. If my husband gets angry with me – I can certainly prayerfully look at my life and repent of any sin on my end and seek to make things right. But I don’t have to take responsibility for his emotions. I am responsible for my sin, my obedience to God, my emotions and my spiritual well-being. My husband is responsible for his.

    There are times when my husband may be upset with me or upset in general and it has nothing to do with me doing anything wrong or me needing to change. My husband’s feelings are not always an accurate measurement of how I am doing as a wife. I must depend on God’s truth, His Word, and His Spirit to help me know how I am doing. I must depend on God’s approval ultimately, not my husband’s. I want to seek to bless, honor, and respect my husband. But I can’t make his approval the most important thing in my life.

    This requires the wisdom and discernment of the Holy Spirit to help us see clearly.

    Much love!

    1. If only I could fit that on a t-shirt I’d wear it everyday. I love the reasons why our husbands may sometimes be upset and how to handle.

      1. SisterinChrist,

        Ha! I can picture it now. 🙂

        Those reasons are also true for us as wives. So when we are upset, it means it is not necessarily our husbands’ fault. He could be sinning against us. Yes, we may need to look for that. But – it could be one of those other issues for us, too.

        Much love!

          1. That’s a great point. No wonder wisdom is so lovely.
            By the way, I just wanted to share that I ordered Breaking Free and downloaded/printed for free (available on the internet) Absolute Surrender by Andrew Murray because of how it may have played a part in finding such blessed freedom in Christ. May the Lord grant us this kind of wisdom through all of our efforts and all the ways we try to get closer to Him.

    2. April,

      I can so relate to this, I really know that my husband’s anger and hurt is coming from him, battles that he needs to fight, though he is not even ready to name the enemy… it is very lonely and I so get overwhelmed with a feeling of utter helplessness to stand by and watch him torture himself, and continuously run away from taking responsibility.
      I pray for him, and let him know that I want to help him, but I cannot fight his battles for him…

      I can fight my battles of replacing fear with faith, and hold onto Him that holds my right hand and doesn’t leave me,
      trusting that he sees the whole picture, while I am staring at a puzzle piece…

      It is so hard to watch someone you love be in such distress, but at the same time, I know that the story that he has constructed in his head, is so much bigger than anything I can say or do…we are supposed to go to a marriage seminar this weekend, so I need prayers to even just get him there…

      How do you reach a hardened, closed of heart???

      Love, A Lifelong Learner

      1. A Lifetime Learner,

        My precious sister! I can feel your pain in your words. 🙁

        The only One who can ultimately reach him is God. You can do and say all the right things, but until his eyes are opened, he can’t see. He is spiritually dead if he does not belong to Christ. If he does belong to Christ but is in a big mess and rebelling against God, he may be in a spiritual coma.

        The way to reach him is to stay as close as you can to Jesus and to let Jesus flow through you into his life. Be obedient to whatever God prompts you to do. Continue to entrust your husband to God and to pray against the enemy’s plans and for God’s will and His glory. Be totally yielded and available to Jesus. It will be God who brings him to life in His timing.

        It is helpful for me to picture a corpse if someone doesn’t know Jesus. I can’t pour water in his mouth and make him receive it. I can’t shovel forkfuls of spaghetti down his throat and expect him to get better. I have to wait for Jesus to raise that dead man to new life.

        If someone is in Christ but in a coma, I like to picture it like he is in the ICU. He is unconscious. He can’t really hear me. He can’t get up and help me with the dishes. I have to adjust my expectations because he is so very sick. I know I need to trust the Doctor to help him get better. I can assist the doctor but I can’t drag my husband out of bed and rip out all of his IVs and his breathing tube and demand that he stand up and walk with me.

        Not sure if these word pictures are helpful, but they help me have compassion for those who are spiritually very weak and struggling or who don’t know Christ.

        Much love!

        1. I love this picture of being in a coma. It helps with expectations and also helps leave things in the Master Doctor’s hands. I woke with the scripture “On hearing this, Jesus said to them, “It is not the healthy who need a doctor, but the sick. I have not come to call the righteous, but sinners.”” on my mind which fits perfectly 🙂 HH

        2. Thank you, April

          Yes, those pictures help… I have to keep reminding myself of that. I at this point have no expectations…all I can do is concentrate on my relationship with my Lord, and step out of His way…

          Thank you!

        3. Wow April, this really spoke to me and I needed to read this. I think this is exactly what I need to do in my situation. Sometimes I just get confused as to what to do and when. I get small signs and I am so cautious. I think I get caught up in wanting my husband back like he was, so we can be a family, but he’s not ready. His heart is not in it. He’s totally checked out. At first I thought he needed a break, but then he just ran away from our life into another fake life with the OW. I pray he will wake up from his coma soon.
          Tina

          1. Tina,

            I can understand why you are confused. You are getting a lot of mixed signals. But I don’t think your husband is well at all spiritually or emotionally. Have you ever read my illustration about when someone is spiritually dead or in a spiritual coma?

            Your husband’s feedback is maybe not reliable right now as an indicator of how well you are doing as a godly wife. My prayer is for you to abide in Christ like HH has been learning to do, then you can hear His voice clearly and walk in His power no matter what your husband does. We will trust your husband to God. His Spirit will need to contend with him and raise him from the dead or his coma.

            Much love!

      2. Lifetime Learner,

        I hope you don’t mind my sharing what immediately popped in my head as you mentioned the retreat. I only share this because of my own personal experience whenever I try to do something together with my husband that puts God FIRST in our marriage, like going to church together. I never noticed this but my husband did. It feels like the enemy will try to stop couples from growing in their union in Christ because the enemy hates what God joins together and will seek to destroy. As we try to reflect Jesus in our lives by how we respond to our husbands conflicts do happen… when we’re tired, when we’ve had a long day at work, when our spouses have done something that they KNOW we’ve mentioned we don’t’ like etc and it takes herculean strength not to call them out on their misstep. I just wanted to offer a sisterly warning to be on guard in the days leading up to it because I just don’t want it to catch you off guard. Sometimes I wonder if it’s better to start the day or before we get home, to say a prayer like “Lord, my husband will be home any minute…please help me manage whatever mood he’s in”. In this way, we prepare with prayer. When I don’t do this, there is difference in my mindset that translates into what I say and do.

        Many times before we head to church either at home or driving to church, something will lead to the beginnings of an argument and my husband will be the one to say “Do you see what the enemy is doing? He doesn’t want us to go to church” And you know what? Many times I don’t see it. But he’ll say a prayer and we stop it in it’s tracks.

        I just wanted to say that maybe during this time you will find yourself having to practice extra patience, and extra grace with the goal in mind of getting to the retreat. And ofcourse once you are at the retreat, or driving to the retreat we are mindful to do the same. If you sense something is transpiring that might break the peace maybe say “God, not in my strength but in Yours” (oh trust me I say that quite often thankfully). When your husband may be in a particular mood, chances are he many not tell you but you can believe he’ll be very appreciative of the grace you’ve extended. And many times when I do this (before I used to attack him with “What’s wrong honey!?” “Why are you so quiet!” because “I” wanted him to speak to ‘me’ instead of putting “myself” aside and sensing he needs some time to get home, unwind, eat… whatever it may be…..Many times at the end of the day he’ll open up vs. us not speaking at the end of the day because I was all about ‘self’ earlier on.

        The hardest part for me is being quick to apologize, or apologizing with sincerity. I know this has EXTREME ability to soften hearts (when the timing is right) because of how I feel when my husband does it to me.

        Please keep us posted if you don’t mind, I’ll be thinking of you and your will be in my prayers. I hope you have blessedly wonderful time at the retreat!!!!. (Please also know that I do this a lot. I’m working on my own issues so there are certain situations where I feel like I have to purposefully ask God to please take over my speech and emotions because I can’t do it by myself, that’s why I offered the advice because many times it has worked for me and I can be stubborn. Reminds me of when Corrie Ten Boom was asked by the Nazi guard to forgive him for his atrocities (he didn’t even recognize her at her speech but she knew him) She admitted she didn’t know she could do it, but at that moment, she asked Jesus to give her HIS strength and she felt electricity in her arms as she extended it to him and hugged the guard!)

        1. Thank you so much… I pray “Your words, not mine” constantly, and I don’t engage in any verbal spats, because I know that whatever I have to say, he isn’t in a place to hear…I try to show through my actions, that I care, but I don’t know whether that even resonates, which doesn’t really matter, because I do it as a gift, without expectations. Even though I don’t expect anything it still feels like a rejection…but I guess that’s my ego. Thank you for your encouraging words… I really appreciate it!

          Feeling your love, A Lifelong Learner

        2. SISTERINCHRIST,
          Wow your words are total confirmation of all the Lord has shown me lately, and what he has been doing in my marriage! My husband has noticed the same tactics of the enemy, and he has been able to call them out and remind ME when I don’t see it! It is amazing how word for word you said what the Lord has shown me!!!! Praise God! It really is Him at work in our marriages! And the enemy is DEFINITELY AGAINST OUR MARRIAGES because he knows that when our marriage is according to Christ, it speaks of Christ and the Church and brings honor and glory to the Lord’s Name and the enemy wants nothing more than to destroy the testimony of Christ and dishonor His Name! I pray that all of us would be on the lookout for the tactics of satan against our marriages by getting us to focus on our own needs instead of the Lord’s purposes for and in our marriages!!

          Love,
          Amanda

          1. All,
            My site had to have some maintenance done yesterday and was down for longer than expected. My apologies! If you are seeing security notices, that is a known issue that is being addressed. 🙂

            Much love!

          2. Thank you Amanda!

            What a beautiful comment. I’m so grateful that my husbands eyes were open to that tactic and as I researched further I saw the truth of this common strategy of the enemy. I’m going to show him your comment, I really appreciate it.

            In a somewhat related sense, it’s interesting to me how necessary it is to take good care of our bodies, our temple. When I don’t eat right, or get enough sleep, when I get lazy even mentally and my mind is slothful I tend to get lazy even in spiritual matters also, and this includes even “comprehending” a truth like the one above. I feel in order to be on guard daily I need to be conscious of treating my physical body well. If I don’t eat or overeat my mind does get sluggish and then I don’t have energy to do things like read scripture or even pray.

            Not all people are this I think, my husband is truly gifted in the sense this man comes home from work with ENERGY, wakes up with ENERGY, I told him the other day how much I admire that quality. I, on the other and need 2 cups of coffee in the morning and sometimes a nap in the afternoon. Our energy levels are so different! But I think in general even for high energy folks it’s good to eat healthy with moderate exercise for clarity of the mind so we can be wise as serpents and gentle as doves among the wolves in the earthly and spiritual realm.
            By the way your spirit shines so beautifully in your writing.

            April!

            Yay that your site is back up. I turned 41 over the weekend and that morning thanked God for my years with genuine gratitude!!! I wanted my daughter to see how happy I woke up and the prayer of thanks when they cut the cake so she knows women can embrace their years without laments amd moans.

            We went to a cosmetics store that gives a free gift on birthdays. My teen daughter loves this store, I pretty much never shop there but I like stop in to sample fragrances. I told her to come with me so she can get the free gift. She said, “Really? But mom it’s “your” birthday?!” I told her it was a gift for me to be able to do something nice for my daughter. The truth is I worry she’s living in a teen selfish generation, not because she’s displaying behavior that worries me, she has the typical and healthy teen behavior that is sometimes challenging (she’s a little sweatheart but the sass sometimes comes out). My worry is how much bad influence she might be getting in school, on youtube videos so the gift idea was purposeful just to teach her what she would consider an act of selflessness. (It is nothing for me or any of us to give our daughters this gift but because I knew it’d be a big deal TO HER I thank God for giving me eyes to see that opportunity.)

          3. Lol April I meant to write WITHOUT laments and moans. If u can please correct that, I’m very sorry about that and for asking youto edit. Yikes.😁

        3. Regarding Corrie Ten Boom, that is SUCH a cool and inspiring story 🙂 It is one of my inspirations.

          Forgiveness releases you from all bitterness and lets God’s spirit just flow through you! The joy that comes from extending grace is absolutely vitalising. HH

          1. To all, I felt a nudge to check Aprils homepage to see if there was something new and just like I suspected there was but I didn’t get the email notification like I always do. I am just posting this as I imagine others who normally get these email updates may not have seen Aprils new post today on Stages of This Journey.

            I really appreciated that post April, it’s like a table of contents guide on life, I saw myself not being able to finish Chapter 2 in part 1 because even though I have this vanity I still am spending money on hair color and makeup. I haven’t turned away from it in disgust. Sometimes I see women with a beautiful heart for God like Beth Moore for example with makeup and madeup hair so I may not have proper understanding of what I need to give up. I like trying different hair colors and makeup, I do it so I can look pretty. For my husband but even just being outside. I never dress inappropriately. I think the answer may be that Beth Moores (as an example) outlook on makeup and hair is different, not sure. Also not sure in what way is makeup and hair sinning. I want to repent on that, I feel bad that I sometimes, certainly not always, focus on makeup and hair but I still wear it and still color my hair so I feel I can’t get to number 3 which is the quiet phase. (Even though not sure if that relates to this particular sin).
            Feel free to post this on your new blog April. I wasn’t sure whet it should go. Thank you.

          2. SisterinChrist,

            I’ll repost today’s post and see if it goes out in everyone’s emails. 🙂 Thanks for letting me know. I hope we are about done with all of the technical issues for awhile!

            I don’t see where hair color and makeup is necessarily a sin. I think our motives behind these things are more of the real issues. I wore makeup for many years – but then decided to stop about a year and a half ago.

            I do want to be sure we are only repenting for things that are sinful. There are things that are a matter of personal conviction and there are things that are our own personal decisions – so unless we have sinful motives, we don’t have to repent for those things. Does that make sense?

            Much love!

          3. Thank you April, I think the fact that I want makeup to enhance my outward beauty and spend money on it is sinful. I’ll have to think on this more because while there is a part of me that wonders if I still attract others I don’t know that it’s the MAIN reason. I like my husband to see that his wife looks nice when i get dressed for work. If I’m not with my husband than I’m trying to find an honest, God honoring reason why I have to wear makeup at all at work and I can’t find one. I don’t want to pretend it’s ok if it really isnt. I don’t know my motives, I like looking nice but I am respectful in how I dress and communicate with others. I’ll have to think on this further.

          4. SisterinChrist,

            I was just reading about the trouble you are having discerning what is right and wrong pertaining to your makeup/hair situation and I feel led to share this with you.

            It sounds like you are wanting to know what is “right” and “wrong”—but why? Is it in order to please Christ? Or is it in order to earn salvation, Christ, or holiness?

            There are no “rules” in Christ. When we are in Christ, His Spirit fills us, and we are given the Spirit of sonship, which means that we are being led and taught as children, INWARDLY, in our spirit—in order to know what the Lord wills in each situation.

            Think of it like this. When we were children, our parents taught us OUTWARDLY right and wrong. They had to guide us and remind us and tell us constantly what we need to do and what is right and what not to do because we didn’t have WITHIN our selves the ability to discern what we should and should not do yet. But as we grew, we were more and more able to discern on our own what is right and what is wrong, because we had been taught by our parents. The thing they taught us from the outside became an inward thing, where we came to know instinctively what was right and wrong, in our own heart.

            It is the same now in Christ. We are given the Spirit of Christ, and under His leading, we are being taught INWARDLY what is right and what is wrong so that we are no longer governed by the outward law. It is one thing to try to follow a list of rules outwardly, compared to having the inward discernment to know what is right and wrong.

            It plays out like this—- if in your heart, you are sensing that wearing makeup and coloring your hair (which never bothered you before or troubled you before and you never doubted that it was ok before) is questionable, and like you are not as free to do those things as you once were—— then perhaps it is the Spirit guiding you INWARDLY to discern what is and what is not pleasing to the Lord. If you are just trying to follow an outward rule about wearing make up and coloring your hair, that is the way of death, not life. The letter killeth, but the Spirit giveth LIFE.

            No one is going to die and face judgment based on whether they wore make up or colored their hair. Our salvation and life in Christ is not based on those things, not even on our sin, but rather, on how much of CHRIST is formed in us!

            There are things I did in the past that I never gave a second thought to, that in this day, I no longer do them because the Spirit of Christ in me started giving me a hard time inwardly, it was an inward sense that something was not ok! And once I got adjusted to the Spirit’s leading, and obeyed Him in that thing, there was life, there was peace, there was rest.

            If we are found all the time asking “may I?” “Can I” “Should I?”—it shows our lack of spiritual discernment, and perhaps the thing we are asking about is a way in which the Lord is seeking to grow us in Christ and increase our spiritual discernment!

            We know when something is not right by the sense inwardly, in our spirit, that is making us feel uncomfortable about that thing!

            I hope this helps! 🙂

            Love,
            Amanda

          5. Amanda,

            Thank you so much for sharing. Your post really opened my mind to wonder.

            When you stated “It sounds like you are wanting to know what is “right” and “wrong”—but why? Is it in order to please Christ? Or is it in order to earn salvation, Christ, or holiness?”.

            I’m starting to feel that in order to please Christ I should not wear makeup everyday or not too much, for example. Not only that I should not buy makeup but that I should not even WANT to wear it, not for any legalistic reasons as far as rules and nothing to do with my salvation at all but because of the ‘spiritual reason’ that would answer who would I be wearing it for if not my husband, if I’m at work for example. I know it doesn’t have to do with my salvation but I do feel it connected to holiness.

            You are right in that I am sensing that wearing makeup and coloring my hair never did bother me before as I walked in Christ and I never doubted if it was ok. That is a great point you made and I thank you for that. I do feel what I hope is the Spirit guiding me inwardly to discern what is and what is not pleasing to the Lord. It definitely is not about me trying to follow an outward rule, I knew I could write that off but I somehow feel that this new feeling is a sort of conviction.

            I feel its connected to my insecurity/jealousy. I feel as if God may be nudging me in a ‘when are you going to fully submit to what you know is right, kind of way. A, you know you’re trying to look beautiful everyday and are focusing too much on the outer self as a distraction, as a hope that the make-up will erase the years facing you and the years the younger women your spouse sees every day don’t have, kind of way. I don’t know that there is this connection, I’m just guessing.

            What is my motive as a woman to wear makeup at all when I’m outside if I’m not with my husband? Is there such a thing as just doing it for me? What does that mean in light of not being with my husband and the purpose of makeup in general?

            I never thought about this until now.

            Thank you for listening, I appreciate it.

          6. SisterinChrist,

            I decided a year and a half ago to try not wearing makeup for a week when I found out Greg really didn’t care if I wore it or not. I had been wearing it every day for years on this journey to try to bless and respect him. So I was totally shocked when I realized it didn’t do much for him. Then I had to realize I felt insecure without it on in public. So I forced myself not to wear it for a week so that I could be sure I could go out in public without it. I didn’t want to find my security in makeup. I ended up not wearing it anymore after that. I don’t miss it now, and enjoy not having to mess with it, personally.

            I don’t believe makeup and beauty routines are necessarily sinful. But I think it can be good to stop and ask God to help us see our true motives at times and if we have wrong motives, those need to be addressed in whatever ways God may prompt us to address them.

            What are your husbands’ thoughts about makeup?

            Yes, I think there can be valid, godly reasons for wearing makeup. But to me, as God draws me closer to Him, things like makeup, jewelry, fancy hair, fancy clothes, expensive stuff, worldly things – just don’t hold near as much appeal as they used to.

            I don’t want women to feel guilty about wearing makeup when they don’t have wrong motives. But if you are finding security there, it could be interesting to stop wearing it for awhile and to take inventory of your heart and pray over the issue.
            Much love!
            April

          7. Thank you April. I guess I’m still trying to understand. If your husband really liked the way mascara looked on you, would you keep wearing it for him? Would you wear it to work without your husband? I’m trying to imagine what a Godly reason would be for putting on beauty enhancing products to our faces as a married woman when I’m not with our husbands. I’m being sincere but I’m also tired so maybe I’m just not thinking hard enough. I still wear makeup myself because I think my eyes look nicer with some mascara and certainly not saying it’s terrible but I’m now asking myself “why on earth am I wearing this everyday to work?” Shouldn’t I be wearing a little once I get home with my spouse if at all, but I can’t see how using it to enhance beauty when I’m away from my husband all day is Godly in any way even if it has nothing to do with salvation. If I put on chapstick it’s because my lips are dry and I need it because it hurts my lips when I’m at work talking but what can I say to defend eyeshadow? It is personal taste but when does personal taste cross that boundary of using items that would make us more attractive/desirable to the opposite gender when our spouses are not with us? Same with perfume. I know men that LOVE when a woman wears perfume, should I then when I’m not with my husband spray on an enticing aroma? When does motive meet discernment. I’m not sure. Thank you.

          8. SisterinChrist,

            I believe that as you focus primarily on allowing God to change your thinking and your heart and thoughts, He will give you the discernment you need to see any hidden motives that are a problem. It is not ultimately the mascara that is an issue – but the heart.

            If you know you are trying to be more attractive for other men to notice you – then wearing makeup to work would be a problem.

            If you are just wearing makeup to look nice, professional, or because you enjoy it – then it is probably not an issue.

          9. Thank you April. I do enjoy it because it looks nice and I dont know if makeup makes me more or less professional but I thought since it enhances my beauty, even if my motives are innocent, I thought that discernment would tell me that because I know the result is me looking “more alluring” to men even though that’s not my intent, that I should stop. I compared it to dressing modestly versus enhancing curves with clothing to no makeup versus enhancing face with product. Anyway, it was just a thought, thank you for your perspective I appreciate it as always.

          10. SisterinChrist,

            I’m glad that helped in a way! It sounds to me like you are wondering about your motives then. That is good! And certainly is the Spirit of God working in your heart!!! We all have motives, and as April was saying, it comes down to that–what are we doing whatever we are doing for?

            In terms of the whole make up thing, it sounds like the Lord is already speaking clearly to you 🙂

            It isn’t about the makeup, it is about your motive to stay looking young and trying to keep your husband from looking at the younger women, etc. You are desiring to prevent yourself from aging.

            I’ve been there and I’m only 29! I used to go tanning all the time, and now I have the wrinkles to show for it. I had this phase of time where all I thought about was my wrinkles and how I was going to look in 10 years. I bought wrinkle night cream and everything in hopes of trying to stop the wrinkles and restore my teenage face! That didn’t happen 🙂 But what did happen, is I realized that this outward body is perishing, but inwardly I am being renewed day by day, and that is what matters! Sometimes I catch myself wanting to look a way I used to look, and then I remember that not only does my husband not care for how I used to look, how I look makes no difference in the end! That is not to say that it is ok to be careless, but rather, it is not the most important thing in my life! Christ is most important, and Him being formed in me!

            It sounds to me like the important thing here is not whether you stop wearing makeup and die your hair, but rather, your heart condition and what you actually care about in your heart that is fueling your desire to do these things! 🙂 When the Lord shows us the truth as is in Christ, the truth sets us free from those wrong motives!

            My husband took my son and I to the zoo this weekend, and it was the first time we have been out to anything like that in a long time as we really dont get much time to go out in public like that. Well, I was honestly startled at the way young women were dressed. I used to dress like them, and here I was this weekend, startled at how women were dressed. I mentioned to my husband how distracting it was, and he was shocked that I was distracted by it too. He said it really is SO hard not to be distracted when it is in your face like that, everywhere you turn. However, knowing that my husband was NOT wanting to look at any woman in a wrong way made me realize that being upset about how other women looked compared to me was not really profitable. My husband has told me flat out that he is not into tons of makeup, fake anything, and tight clothing. He likes me to look natural. And now I dress/wear makeup in a natural way that is honoring to the Lord and I don’t really worry about it anymore! My husband realizes that we are going to get old and get wrinkles, and he is not bothered by this fact, thankfully 🙂

            Has your husband ever expressed his desires for how you look? Our husbands can be the best source for guidance in this area!!! 🙂

            Love,
            Amanda

          11. Thank you Amanda,

            I really loved your post and appreciate your wise insights. So you saw how ‘they’ dress too. “They” are everywhere. Anyhow, I would love to reflect more on both your posts, everything you said really hit home. Thank you so much for making this day better for me.

            God bless you.

  9. HH, I am so happy to read what God is doing in your life. I have prayed for you for many months, my friend, and it brings me so much joy to learn more of your story and see the progress that has been made. I remember getting to the place where you are now and how much peace I felt, even when my husband said there was no hope for reconciliation. There is no substitute for knowing you can be content and move forward regardless of what others say or do! I will continue to pray for your family and I thank you so much for sharing with us – I really needed this encouragement today.

    1. Hello Restored Wife 🙂 Thank you so much for your faithful prayers! I have been greatly helped by your testimony of God’s help and I am so pleased that this story blessed you also. See you in glory one day 🙂 HH

  10. This is absolutely beautiful!! I’ve been praying for guidance and when I opened this today I knew this was from the Lord…deeper deeper deeper still into Him. No more fear…thank you and God bless you!!

  11. What a witness to God’s peace when we truly surrender. When I was under a huge attack, the sentence came to me, “You are in the boat.” It took me a little while to understand what that message meant…then I realized I was in the boat. WITH JESUS. What a comfort!!! So your images of being in the boat with the storm and sharks outside rang true for me. Thank you, HH. Stay in the boat:) JESUS will get us safe to shore.

  12. HH you told me when my story was published how it helped you so much and you read it many times over because it spoke to you so deeply. Now my friend it is my turn to say the same. I will continue to read this a couple more times yet today and likely print it out. Even though life improved so much for my marriage 13 months ago the enemy came to attack us again. Brutally and bent on total destruction this time.

    I don’t want to go into specifics now but I have been in the midst of the biggest, most frightening storm of my entire life for the last two weeks. The fear that has come up in me led me to the ER a week ago fearing I was having a heart attack. It was, thankfully, only a severe anxiety attack but it made me realize a lot about myself and the level of fear I walk in. I let the enemy capsize my boat that night with terrifying fear. And I’ve lived my entire life that way because, like you, I have severe abandonment issues too.

    I have much work to do yet and 13 months ago was only the tip of that iceberg. Two weeks ago I got to see just how large the iceberg was beneath the surface. And it was as eye opening and petrifying to put it bluntly. Largely because although I’ve been implementing being a more respectful wife for almost two years now…I had NO idea how truly disrespectful I had always been…and I’m ashamed to admit…still was being. I was still thinking it was mostly my husband’s fault and this iceberg was his creation not mine. I truly did not see who I was and how I was behaving. I can’t believe I didn’t see it.

    God took the blinders off though through allowing this attack of the enemy to play out in our lives. I am beginning to see how God is using this horrible attack to change me in a BIG way. To finally clear out the idols but mostly to clear out the total fear that rules and controls my entire existence. You said so much that helped me see clearer today and put more puzzle pieces in place. Thank you for sharing so boldly and honestly my brother.

    May God abundantly bless you,
    Quinn

    1. My friend Quinn!

      I am SO happy that this was a blessing to you. I certainly have exposed a lot of my inner struggles, but I so want people to live in freedom and see that Christ is enough! I will pray for you today my sister.

      In Christ, HH

  13. HH, thanks for an inspiring message.

    I heard on the radio yesterday, “As Christians, we know God is ready and able to turn bad news into good outcomes.”….or something to that effect. That’s what God did with the gift of his beloved Son. “My beloved Father, they are turning against me (I mean us, sorry). Many listened and some accepted the message, but sadly many have not.” The betrayal and crucifixion of God’s only Son was in the time easy for most to witness….”He must have done something wrong to be crucified.” Sadly, that’s often what people think today.

    A husband, a wife, a friend, really any of God’s children deserve their lot in life. I’m going to fix him or her by leaving. Even a year before my wife served divorce papers I was whole-heartedly praying and seeking the Lord… I knew something was wrong with my priorities and actions. And I had high hopes, because I meant my marriage vows and will always love my wife. Now as this divorce process continues, as I try to control my anger and emotions, some days the evil one seems stronger… but not every day. In the last year God has brought special friends into my life and given graces and events that have brought joy through suffering.

    I am grateful for an awesome, loving God, and I continue to feel Him navigating the way for me…as long as I fuel the engine with prayer, daily and Sunday Mass, reading Sacred Scripture, and any other ways I can serve Him. I, too, am a people pleaser, so your message about this behavior hit home. I will please God first and daily, and when I do my work or interact with others, I will have no expectations… except for a paycheck in the case of work. This is the humility that Jesus taught in parables such as the Samaritan woman with many husbands. “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone” Well whad’ya know, we all must be sinners. I’m no better than my neighbor and he’s no better than me. God loves us all equally and cries tears of joy when we seek his forgiveness. Thank you God for always having my best interests in mind.

    1. PJ,
      Thank you so much for sharing. I praise God that you are seeking Him first and that you long to honor Him in all your ways. Praying for His continued work in your heart and in your situation for His greatest glory, dear brother!

  14. How is everyone going? I am praying for many of you by name. I wanted to share this scripture today “Though the mountains be shaken and the hills be removed, yet my unfailing love for you will not be shaken, nor MY COVENANT OF PEACE be removed”, says the Lord who has compassion on you. Isaiah 54:10.

    It is not your strength that holds onto Him.
    It is not your covenant or your strength of your faith.
    It is not your love for Him that is key.

    It is His strength that holds onto you.
    It is His covenant that inspires and deserves our faith.
    It is His love that inspires our love.
    It is ALL Him!!!!!!!

    Though your maintains of marriage be shaken, though the hill of spousal love be removed, yet His covenant of peace is UNFAILING 🙂

    Love to all in the precious and worthy name of Christ, HH

    1. Wow! HH, I really needed to hear this. What a challenge some of my day was. But to hear that the Lords love is not shaken nor the covenant of peace removed….makes me feel very peaceful tonight. The devil continues to try and ruin any ounce of good in my life.

      I have had very little contact with my husband other than texts. I have been walking 3-4 miles a day and last week my husband walked with me. It was planned. It wasn’t pleasant but we were still in the presence of each other. 2 other times we happened to be walking at the same time unplanned. Today I was already walking and he texted me that he was walking. I replied “ok”. I had no idea where he was. But when I got to the end to turn around, there he was. I tried to be as polite as possible. And we ended up walking back together. Way more peaceful than the other 2 times. I have to believe the Lord set that up for us and I praise him for any time i get to see him.

      Here is a scripture I learned tonight at my bible study! Isaiah 41:10 So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
      I will strengthen you and help you;
      I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

      HH I know we are so blessed to have you amongst all us women. I truly value your insight!!
      Tina

      1. Hi Tina,

        I am glad that was a blessing, it is SUCH a powerful truth! So often we look at our own faith/love as the key, but it is the worth, faithfulness and love of the Saviour that inspires our own faith and love 🙂

        I am blessed to be here, it has been fantastic to gain more understanding of how women think and to be able to understand some more about DW. I pray that my input here is shown to you all as sisters in Christ and that He gets all the glory from anything we write!

        Yes! There is no need for fear….God IS with you 🙂

        In Christ, HH

    2. HH,

      Thank you for this! My grandmother is 94 and seems to be on her deathbed this week. 🙁 I am supposed to work Wednesday and supposed to fly to the conference Friday. I am seeking to trust God with all of this. She is a believer – and she has been suffering a lot this week. I long to see her be able to rest peacefully and slip into the arms of Jesus. But it is a very hard time for all of us. We love her so! And we will miss her greatly.
      Thank you so much for the scripture and for the encouragement to everyone.

      The technical issues continue on the blog. Not sure when they will be resolved and when everyone will be getting emails like normal.

      I appreciate the love, support, prayers, and encouragement here so much. Y’all are a treasure to me!

      Much love in Christ,
      April

      1. Oh wow April, you have got a lot on! I am sorry to hear of your grandma but praise God she is going to meet Jesus! I can now pray intelligently for you all. In Him, HH

        1. Thank you, HH! 🙂

          All,
          If any of you did not receive an email post this Monday and Tuesday from my blog, please leave a comment so we can help Jetpack figure out what is happening. Thanks!!!

          1. Hi April,
            I will be praying for you this week also…
            I havent received an email notification from you this week either.
            Love and prayers are going out your way,
            NB
            PS watched your interview with Jennifer White , and it blessed me greatly! Great work from both of you!

      2. (((hug))) I’m sorry about your grandma April. She is going to see the glory that is the longing in our hearts.

        I miss you guys. I haven’t been receiving updates either but all things happen according to God’s purpose and the site will be up and running in His perfect timing. I love my faith that you April, and others here, have helped to strengthen. God be with you on the flight and in the conference.

  15. Safe travels April! Sorry to hear about your grandma!

    The only emails I have received are the ones for these new comments!

    Praying for your family!
    Tina

    1. Thank you, Tona, Bel, NB, and SisterinChrist. I appreciate the feedback and the encouragement. Yes, I have thought about that, too, SisterinChrist, that God is sovereign over Jetpack and over my emails not going out. Maybe He knew I needed a break the past two weeks with so much else going on.

      Facing even more spiritual warfare today at work that has kind of thrown me for a loop. I am planning to go spend some time with God to hash through it and pray about it. I don’t want to lose my joy or to get derailed for what God has called me to do.

      Much love!

      1. April,

        I will be praying much for your conference. The enemy does not want you to go into this with joy and peace, but you can. You KNOW you can!

        HH

        1. HH,

          Yes, I want to be sitting in the front of the boat without fear and without worry – fully trusting God to lead me and not listening to the taunts of the sharks. There are definitely extra sharks swimming around the boat this week. My only desire is to love, please, and obey God – seeking Him first – and to love others with His love. 🙂

          Thank you for the encouragement and prayers. I appreciate them greatly!

      2. Hi April, I know the site having issues is challenging but I honestly wondered how you managed to respond always so thoughtfully and with so much care to posts. That must be quite the juggling task. I’m glad for you (as long as it wasn’t stressful) that you were able to breathe a bit. I have a hard time organizing my time so I don’t know how you do it. My husband always tells me, “Start your day in prayer and the rest will fall into place”. I never remind him that I have many more morning and evening tasks than he does, that would be tacky! But he’s right, I know he’s right and I’m sure you do that already. My only thought was how much you have on your plate with your family, work and the site. You busy Proverbs 31 woman!

        I had issues at work too, actually after reading some of St. Thérèse of Lisieux book and her ‘little way’ it really, at the time, was what I needed to hear. She was at a convent and there was this other sister that was making noises that bothered her. St. Therese was so bothered at first but then she decided to purposefully offer up that sound as beautiful music to our Lord. Wow. My work issue, that had me going home in tears and laments, is now 100% better thanks to me changing my attitude.

        Not saying you need to change your attitude, certainly not, as I have no idea what your issue is at work. Only that, when I shifted my thinking it shifted the actions I took that affected the situation. It wasn’t overnight and there was still awkwardness but boy did it work.

        I look forward to any updates you give. Love you sister!

        1. My grandmother is moving to hospice tomorrow. I had a lovely visit with her today. Not sure if she will still be with us when I return from Kansas on Sunday. She is not doing well. But she is alert and smiled when I came in and lit up when I read some cards she had received from friends. She is ready to go – but it is still very hard to watch her take such a downturn and feel so awful.

          It is probably a blessing to me that the posts haven’t gone out and there haven’t been as many comments. This week has been hard. BUT – I know God is about to do something so amazing and I can’t wait to see all He has in store!

          1. Oh wow. They are some big things to face, very big. But, God is sovereign even over these storms. Have been praying for you all day. Praying for God’s strength to fill you, for His peace to reign in your heart. For His hand to be shown in a mighty way in these circumstances. That we can praise together as we see His work. His love endures FOREVER. HH

          2. Sometimes when I pray I am OVERWHELMED with God’s presence. It forces me to my knees and I know that God is working in a powerful way. Every time I have known this in prayer some big things have happened shortly after. I have had the same experience in prayer for you today. The warfare is very real and I believe there is a big battle going on this weekend. I pray that your heart would be filled with the awareness of God’s presence so that you might stand firm with whatever this weekend brings. HH

          3. HH,

            Thank you so much for sharing this with me today. 🙂 Yes, the warfare is real. I expect more obstacles today. But I am trusting God to get me there and to show Himself in such a mighty way among us tonight! I am determined to praise Him and to rejoice in Him and in these trials. My only prayer is that I might be faithful and obedient and that He might pour through me like a flood.

            Thank you, dear brother!

          4. CIC,

            My grandmother is hanging on. But she is going downhill. I hope to see her tomorrow. She is now hallucinating and starting to get really confused. 🙁

            Thanks for asking and for the prayers and encouragement!

        2. Oh April. I’m so sorry. And upset. It’s no surprise the enemy brings out these challenges you would not have had if you were of the world. It’s not easy to remember what Paul tells us in Romans 5:3-5. It’s a beautiful verse. Maybe you could read it together with your husband, about rejoicing in trials.

          Ofcourse the worst is not being able to share the joy of Christ, what happened to America i wonder. Any pharmaceutical company would be glad to have you April. I HONESTLY feel doors will open for you. I work at a Christian company after being in secular corporate for years. My husband lost a few good jobs over the years when our kids were small and he didn’t have your set of skills but always found work with faith in God AND going out there and sending his resume out as if that was a full time job itself.

          You will be in my prayers every day.

          1. SisterinChrist,

            Jesus is my everything. He is my life. I don’t try to force people to accept Him or to agree with me. But I don’t really know how to exist without shining for Him. I am praying for His wisdom. I want to be respectful of those who don’t want to hear. But I also want to be faithful to God. I looked up the law, and if someone feels offended by something another employee says that is religious, it is considered religious harassment and the employer is liable for that. So he is required to warn me not to do this anymore because I have offended other employees.

            Yes, pray that God will show me where He wants me and that I will be open to whatever He wants to do and that Greg will have God’s wisdom, as well.

            THANK YOU! Much love!

        3. April, the closer you are to God the more Satan tries to attack you. Something big is going to happen for you! You have such a sweet demeanor and you have helped me so much through my trials!
          God is using you in a mighty way!
          I’m praying for safe travels for you and peace for your family.
          Much love!
          Tina

          1. Thank y’all so much for praying. One more prayer request… our 9 year old daughter is in full FREAK OUT mode about me leaving. She is so upset that I am going away. I have never really traveled away like this before. And the last time I was on a plane was before she was born. She wants to go with me and is devastated that I am not taking her. Please pray for God to give her peace, too.

            Yes, God is sovereign over all of these things – and the other obstacles I am sure I will face tomorrow. May I simply trust Him and rest in His sovereignty and be available for Him to pour through me. I want all of these things to work for His glory. I lay down any fear and choose to trust Him – even if my grandmother doesn’t make it until I get back. Even if I lose my job. Even if my daughter cries the whole time I am gone. Lord – I entrust each of these things and my safety and traveling to Your good, loving, and perfect hands. Let me move forward in the power of Your Spirit to accomplish this task You have set before me. Let me be faithful and obedient in every area of my life. Let me seek to please You alone and let me not ever act in the flesh. Purify my motives. I receive the refining and pruning you have for me in these trials. Strengthen my faith. May You greatly increase in my life and may I greatly decrease. Place me wherever You will. Use me however You will. Let my daughter learn to count trials as joy and learn to trust Your sovereignty and goodness. I praise and thank You for the movement of Your Spirit that will take place in Garnett, KS tomorrow and Saturday. Thank You for the honor of allowing me to be there.
            Amen!

          2. Wow. I don’t think I’ve read anything this beautiful in a long while that wasn’t from scripture or a saint. You really are a light in the darkness. How precious your beautiful daughter is to miss mommy. I used to have my son talk to his little sister with a nudge of encouragement during similar times. One thing for sure, they’ll be just fine! I used to make the mistake of saying I miss them so much in a sad way when it should have been more like ‘of course I miss you too honey! But I’ll see you in a few and I’ll call you first thing tomorrow! ‘ in a chipper way.

            I live in such a densely populated city in a small state and sometimes (for years now) I look at ALL the people around me and I think wow, there are sure a lot of people just here and I wonder if they know God, I then imagine a big state like Texas and how many people there are even there, then I think of China! And I remember all the Chinese Christians I saw one time with signs and the underground churches they attend because they are not allowed to profess their faith. Then when my mind can’t grasp the billions of people in current society, I think of generations past and the billions that have come and gone before us in each part of the world and you know what comes to mind, the Body of Christ and the ones that are spiritually dead. When two different spiritual families share the same earthly world there will be tensions and trials. These are our coworkers, neighbors or blood relative even. No surprise there are many who are offended by Truth, I can almost guarantee they wouldn’t be offended if there was talk of meditation or the art of mindfulness in Buddhist philosophy because that is an acceptable and even chic wrong way of life. I still remember the mom who tried so hard to detach her feelings from her children when she was in the temple studying this religion and abandoned them.

            The way you are running the race is inspiring, your words are beautiful and your family richly blessed.

          3. SisterinChrist,

            How can I not want to share the Greatest Treasure in the universe with those who are condemned and imprisoned? I have been set free and am not the same person I once was. God has taken away my worry, fear, anxiety, bitterness, pride, and darkness and replaced it with freedom, joy, peace, and light – because He is all of those things! I long for everyone to find this relationship with Jesus and to get off of the wide road that leads to destruction.

            I do also know that there are times I must shake the dust off of my feet when someone refuses to listen.

            I pray God will direct my every step. I want only to be in the very center of His will. He has promised that the world will hate those who love Him and that we should rejoice when we are insulted and persecuted because we love Him. I want to respond in this way – with great anticipation of all He is about to do!

            I know they are not offended by other religions. Interesting, isn’t it? If another religion is dead and powerless and without Jesus, it is not offensive.

            Thanks for the encouragement for my sweet little girl!

            Much love to you, precious sister!

          4. My husband cane down the stairs this morning and placed the Bible open to Psalm 35. He said “Please ask her to read this passage”. He also said “Now she must show them Christ without using words”.
            As St. Francis said “Preach Jesus, and if necessary use words”

          5. SisterinChrist,

            Aw! That was SO sweet of your husband! I read it Saturday night several times and meditated on it. Please thank him for the encouragement. It was beautiful.

            Thank you BOTH!!!!! You are very precious to me. I love that we can encourage and build each other up!

          6. April,
            I prayed for you, your job, your grandma and your daughter. You are a blessing to so many. I am honored to know you through this blog, you have helped me through some of the very fiery trials.
            I so understand about your daughter as mine is also 9 years old. I totally think thex have some crazy hormones at work at this age, as mine is sassy at times and totally.sweet girl at other times….i am praying for wisdom for you, for safety, for the Lord to surround you with his protection at all times…may you walk in the middle of His will for you and be blessed greatly by these trials you are going through.
            Blessings,
            NB

          7. NB,

            Thank you so much for praying with me. I felt the prayers so strongly this weekend. God worked powerfully in my heart to help prepare me to face the storms in my life with joy, peace, strength, and courage. And He worked in the ladies’ hearts who came to the conference. I had some sweet times with Him on my flights back and forth and during a long delay at the airport. I am home safely now and grateful for the opportunity He gave me to share with so many of my sisters in Kansas. 🙂

            The hormones are definitely an issue at age 9 for some of our girls!

            Thank you for the prayers and encouragement. You are such a blessing to me!

            How have you been doing, sweet sister?

            Much love!

          8. April,
            We have been through some very trying and very humbling experiences these last few months.
            My main task from God was and is continuing to be a safe place for my husband, his helpmeet, his cheerleader…
            And also to stay strictly on my paper.
            We both have grown emotionally and spiritually…
            Thank you for being there for me during my trials this summer.
            Praying for all going through trials right now. Trust that God.has a plan through it all. He truly does.
            CiC,
            I highly recommend Rejoice Marriage Ministries ….it is very inspiring, even when you are not separated/ divorced.
            Love to all,
            NB

        4. April –

          Very interesting…I had the same thought come to mind yesterday when I was reading about your predicament. That sometimes, we need to shake the dust off our feet and move on. Hmmm….

          In the meantime (if God is indeed calling you to “move on” to another job or something), I trust and know that God’s love, grace and forgiveness will flow through you to these co-workers.

          The great thing is you can talk to others about what’s going on in their lives and just offer godly principles without bringing Christ’s name up. And you can bless co-workers with small gifts and words of encouragement in their lives. It can be done – it’s kind of how I’ve lived with my husband for so long and operated around his family.

          Praying for us all to keep our eyes on Christ and to keep running the race….I just keep envisioning this racing toward Jesus….looking around and seeing all the distractions and all the things that pull me and weigh me down and trick me and the things that I think I need….but seeing Him and knowing that He is everything and more than I’ve ever needed and running like I’ve never run before to Him.

          Hebrews 12:1-4:

          “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a huge crowd of witnesses to the life of faith, let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us.  We do this by keeping our eyes on Jesus, the champion who initiates and perfects our faith. Because of the joy awaiting him, he endured the cross, disregarding its shame. Now he is seated in the place of honor beside God’s throne. Think of all the hostility he endured from sinful people; then you won’t become weary and give up.  After all, you have not yet given your lives in your struggle against sin.”

          (And the rest of that chapter….) 🙂

          1. This was beautiful ContentinChrist. Thank you for sharing. Today I was taking to my coworker about his child and offering advice, I spoke of God but didn’t say Jesus’ name because I thought he was a Muslim and something held me back. I felt bad afterwards. He genuinely thanked me for my advice but all I could think of was that I didn’t say Jesus’ name. I said God. Still feel like I wasn’t bold enough.

          2. CIC,

            You know what I am probably the worst at? Shaking the dust off my feet. I don’t want to feel like I am giving up on people. But Jesus does talk about this! And He didn’t stay forever begging people to come to Him. Well, He never begged anyone to come to Him. 🙂

            They were upset even about me sharing godly principles without talking about God or the Bible. So – I will definitely be doing a lot of learning about winning without a word. Thank you for the encouragement!

            Love that passage in Hebrews!!! 🙂

            Much love and a big hug, my dear sister! Praying for God’s wisdom and power for all of us!

        5. SisterinChrist, I’m sure we ALL can relate to what you shared regarding not being bold enough. Sometimes, I think God has even used those times to prepare me for the next time (that you know is coming!)…

          In the end, though,I have just come to trust that God is in control of even little things like that. For some reason, you didn’t go further with “boldness”. But, this man seemed encouraged. I think evangelism is different for each situation. Sometimes, God holds us back and has us establish more of a friendship and support so that when that person’s heart is more prepared and ready, they will come to us and be ready to hear the good news. Other times, we feel compelled to speak boldly right out of the gate.

          Just hand that situation over to Jesus and trust that He’s in control. Let Him know you are willing to do whatever He wants next time and He will lead you!

          Love to you – I enjoy your comments.

          1. Thank you. I’ve been wearing a cross necklace purposefully since the summer, for people to see and to hold myself accountable in my words and actions. It helps me by the challenge it gives when I remember it’s on my person and purposefully viewable to all. In the back of my mind I may have thought of it as I was speaking with him.
            Thank you, I really love your encouragement and I hope things are going better for you with all my heart.

        6. NB,

          Thank you for the recommendation. I have read some there before. I have to admit, I am scared to hope. And, I also believe God has shown me from a Biblical standpoint that it’s entirely possible my husband may be done with our marriage and that that is a real possibility. The Bible never talks about trying to hold on to an unbelieving spouse if they want to go. Just let them go.

          I want to put my hope in the right place and that is Jesus and the fact that He’ll always be enough for me. Yet, I want to be reconciled and not have our family split up, too. I’m struggling with holding those two in balance. It seems when I’m focusing more on wanting our marriage restored, my peace leaves. The only way I’m at peace is when I’ve surrendered it all fully to God and His will. I need to get back there bc I’ve had a rough last few days. His peace is addictive.

          I’m so glad to hear how things are going with you and your marriage. So good to see how God brought y’all through and is strengthening you both.

          1. CIC,

            This is that whole unknown thing. Of course we would like to know ahead of time what the outcome will be. But then we wouldn’t have to live by faith. If you are able to accept the unknown, embrace it, and cherish it because God will be with you – that is how I find rest in these kinds of times.

        7. Wow, April — I just absorbed the statement you made that they were even upset that you shared godly principles without talking about God or the Bible.

          It sounds very much like a spiritual battle going on.

          Praying for God’s continued wisdom each moment as you work, with each situation/conversation that arises. That you will hear God’s voice whispering in your ear and you will be quick to obey Him – whether that means being silent or if that means taking a bold stand at some point and trusting it all to Him. He will lead you and you will know the way to go.

  16. My sweet friends and relatives in Christ –

    You guys encourage me so much. I can’t even express how the comments here lift me up and how God has used this blog to love me and encourage me and teach me….

    Anyway, I wanted to just reach out and ask for some prayer and guidance.

    I am struggling (after only 3 weeks!!!) of not knowing what the future holds. It is SO hard. I WANT to hear that my marriage will be restored. I want to know that our family will be together. But, of course, I don’t have those guarantees. I really do believe that God has assured me that my husband will be saved. I base this on many different times that I believe I have heard from God — the first time being five or six years ago. Then, God speaking to me in my spirit saying that “You will have to be removed from your husband’s life for him to come to Me” (which I had no idea what that meant at the time….and still don’t know the full story of that, perhaps). Also, a friend and my mother seem convinced that God has told them, also, that my husband will be saved. Also, the wrestling with God six months ago where I believe He asked me if I was willing to let go of my marriage if it meant that my husband’s soul would be saved. So, that’s good and hopeful. But, I believe God also asked me if I would be willing to do that with no guarantee that my marriage would be restored (that part I don’t like so much). I don’t know that He was telling me that our marriage won’t be restored, but He was asking me if I would be willing to let it go with no promise of restoration.

    My next struggle is that I am reading a lot about the personality dynamic of my husband. In some ways, I think I needed this. I needed it to be able to take some bold steps. But, it has been incredibly painful and heartbreaking to look back on my marriage and see red flags here, there and everywhere. Even today, another memory surfaced of something my husband said four years ago that is very telling. I felt like I was punched in the gut all over. I could barely make it home to get to my bedroom to cry (was trying to hold it together for my sweet youngest daughter). These memories are surfacing occasionally – but a lot of them surfaced about a year ago when God started showing me the manipulation and covert ways of abuse I had been under. I believe the memories are God showing me the truth about my marriage, I do not believe it is the enemy. I think it is God saying “Yes, you are doing the right thing with this separation.” Because everytime I seem to question myself about this decision to separate, God shows me more and more and keeps confirming what I’m doing is right.

    These things I read sound like there is no hope for someone like this. That rarely do they change or want to change. And I do believe that, really. The fact is that the road IS narrow and none of us would be on the narrow way if it weren’t for the mercy and grace of God that sought us out. So, my struggle is at times getting pulled into despair vs. taking by faith all of the things God has said to me about my husband. But, even when I take by faith what God has said, I’m left wondering about how it will all play out. I need to learn how to release that and take one day at a time. Waiting is hard. Not knowing is hard. But, I know God does a lot of work in that space (April, I need to read that post again – when waiting is sweet, right? Or something like that!)

    I want (and need) to learn the best ways to love my husband through this but also distance myself enough that I can heal. Any conversation with him seems to leave me feeling confused and in an emotional whirlwind for a couple of days. So, I’ve asked for texting and emailing only on basic things regarding kids, etc. for now. I guess I just need prayer on God’s wisdom to show me how to love him unconditionally through this time….while still speaking truthfully and boldly.

    I really need to find a job and I feel paralyzed. I haven’t worked in 18 years! I have done a little job hunting, but I need to get serious about it. I want to be available to my girls at home as much as I can. I have a “dream job” in my head with perfect hours, perfect location, something I love that I feel is helping others. Anyway, I would love prayers regarding that.

    I think of many of you so often…I wonder how our friend, Bel, is doing. NB, it’s good to see your comment above. I hope you are well. HH, I see you as someone who has gone before me on this separation thing and I value your comments and it gives me great hope to see you strong in Christ and joyful. I remember the comments regarding the dark days of pain after your separation. And, to read your comments now — so encouraging!!!!! I love how God has grounded you in His love for you.

    I know God wants to set me free from some things — things that are really too personal to share here, probably. But, things that I have wanted healing from for a long time. I’ve experienced some healing, but I know there is a deeper and fuller work to be done. I am looking forward to that.

    Love you all – Thanks for letting me share. Sometimes, I feel selfish and I have to admit, I’m not praying much for others as I should. I feel I am just struggling to keep my eyes on Christ. But, I know God will pull me through.

    1. I want to give you a ((hug)). I would love to share more but this deserves a thoughtful and careful response only a quiet room can do, not this bus I’m on. I am thinking of you. My husband was chained for almost 2 decades with something, he broke down 6 years ago when I told him it was over. Our walk with God was very immature at that time, it was a seed barely watered. Something happened to him and when he tells me the story his eyes look at me in such a meaningful way it wouldn’t even be right for him to say more. He was baptized shortly after and after a few falls, God is my witness (I’ll don’t say that lightly) he is a changed man. Completely. I even ask him not to mention the past because he is renewed and not the same person.

      One of my favorite people, Bishop Sheen, said“Sometimes the only way the good Lord can get into some hearts is to break them”. He broke my husbands heart to the point he could only use a look to describe what happened to convert him to the new creation he is today. In that sense, I pray SO much he would break your husbands heart enough to let Him in.

      You have really captured my heart strings and ofcourse will be in my thoughts and prayers. I know miracles happen, I don’t doubt it.

      1. Thank you for the hug. I am very interested in hearing more, if you feel led to do so.

        I have been impressed with some of the things that you’ve said about your husband in various comments. That is so amazing to hear how much he has changed. I mean, of course we all know that that is what God does and did with us, but we still get amazed when we hear stories of miracles and how He makes us into new creations! (I think God likes that we still get awestruck!!!)

    2. Hi CiC,

      I have been praying for you over the last few days. I hadn’t heard from you for a while and was thinking of you and your situation 🙂

      Of course you want your family together! That is a very natural and good desire 🙂 But, you are right, you don’t know what the future holds. And it IS scary when we look at it with our natural minds but it doesn’t have to be when we see it through Jesus eyes 🙂 I too have been convinced through prayer that my wife will come to know Jesus but I have no idea if that will be soon or in decades and I have no idea if that will mean a marriage restoration.

      I was reminded of this quote from the book Breaking Free……..

      “Have you ever feared that someone would stop loving you? Not only have I feared it; I have experienced it! God has carefully and graciously allowed some of my fears to come true so that I would discover I would not disintegrate. God taught me to survive on His unfailing love. It wasn’t fun but it was transforming.”

      So much truth in that. My whole life had been lived in fear of my wife leaving me or having an affair and it had some AWFUL consequences. There have been some very real things I learned as a child that created this fear but I did not understand why until very recently. I simply was not free, but God in His grace allowed me to experience what I have been through with (one of) the purposes of the situation being to set me free in my heart. He showed me what I was relying on and where my security came from. I have not disintegrated, Jesus has shown me true freedom.

      A separation is going to be hard no matter how it plays out. It will hurt, that is unavoidable. And, there will be some real challenges to face, for you things like finding a job is a reality. But, it is not the end of the story and it does not have to mean you live in fear. Is God sovereign over even this? YES!!!

      I want to write briefly on whether or not your husband can change. In short, yes, he can. There are many people who have undergone RADICAL changes to their personality and behaviour when they meet Christ. The Apostle Paul was a murderer and abuser but had a complete heart change. When God faced me with who I was and the horrible attitudes I had in my heart I wanted to change with ALL of me. When we truly see how much our behaviour effects those around us how can we not want to change? But, it is a revelation and we need our heart and mind opened with the right knowledge.

      I will continue praying for you CiC. HH

      1. Thank you, HH! I do know God can change anyone….but sometimes, it is hard to imagine Him changing this person that is right in front of you hurting you and not caring at all that he is. But, I KNOW that the enemy has him so blinded. I was telling a friend today that I can’t imagine how unbelievers go through times like this. At least I have an answer of *why* my husband is acting this way. If I didn’t know, it would confound me and drive me mad, but when I remember that he is blinded and bound, I have compassion for him and can trust God better in all of it.

        I thought of something else as I read your comment….one of the things that I have thought of several times is that my own pride is being exposed here. The fact of the matter is that I would love for my husband to have been brought to his knees already, wondering “How could I lose her?! She’s a wonderful wife, etc, etc.”…..LOL!!! God shows me my pride in this. And, I knew several months ago that if we ever got to this point, I wanted my husband to return to me – BUT not for love of *me* necessarily, but from a love that is grounded and rooted in Christ alone and that then a love for me that flows from that.

        Yes, God is sovereign over the job situation, over my children’s well-being, over every single thing that happens. What rest and comfort that brings!!! For some reason, He opened my eyes to all of this at the time He did. I was living oblivious to it for 24 years (just thought all marriages were the way mine was!) but then He most definitely began showing me things and also really strengthening me in Christ before that time to prepare me, I believe. I have to believe there is purpose in every single bit of this journey. Even the hard events that have led us to where we are.

        How are you doing, HH?

        1. CiC, YES!!!! I am glad that you can see how your pride is a factor in that way there….I have seen the same in myself in the same way. You know what though? God loves us just as we are but loves us too much to leave us as we are 🙂

          How am I doing? Thank you for asking. I am at rest. Emotionally, spiritually and mentally at rest 🙂 I am resting peacefully in Jesus arms. I am enjoying worship songs at home and spending a lot of time in prayer. I have started ministering to many people in my life and I am seeing some glorious fruit in the hearts of those around me 🙂 I am enjoying the waiting and I have been healed of fears that have dominated me for 32 years. I love Jesus with all of me, I wake in the morning and tell Him that I love Him and the answer comes back strong and quick that He loves me SO much more than I realise 🙂 I had not realised just how much peace He can give. I am NOT strong in ANY way shape or form, but it is the acceptance and realisation of that that allows me to trust Jesus. If I fall out of the boat He will pull me back in!

          Circumstancially things are as hard as they can be from a human perspective but it somehow isn’t stealing my joy 🙂 I am truly in the fire and the fire hurts, but, Jesus is walking with me and I can ask for nothing more. I had a moment last week where I had a situation that created a potential for fear, but I just trusted God with the situation and knew his peace immediately 🙂 On a positive note, I am seeing the kids a fair bit more lately, often 5 days a week. This is a real joy to me 🙂

          I do not know what tomorrow will bring. As far as DW goes chances are very high that it will bring more pain, more difficulties, more pressure, more rejection, more betrayal. But, Jesus is HERE 🙂

          Much love in Christ, HH

          1. Wow, so very inspiring HH, thank you. Goodness, your post just uplifted my spirits, I’m so glad for you. That beautiful peace and joy that just jumps out at the screen. It’s wonderful you’re seeing your children more, they are the joy of our hearts. I am reading Breaking Free thanks to you and have printed out Absolute Surrender. Sheesh, how could I not!?

            ContentinChrist, I would love to share more. Perhaps you have a generic yahoo address I could send it to? I would post it here but I always have this weird feeling (I know it might sound irrational and I’m sorry for that) that someone I forgot that I mentioned this blog to will put two and two together and figure out I’m talking about my husband. I will start to type it up and if you have time to create a yahoo address I’ll be sure to send it to you over the weekend.

          2. SIC, cool!!!!! I pray that those books would help you greatly!!!! 🙂 I’m listening to a song at the moment which is so uplifting called “My Lighthouse” by Rend Collective 🙂

            I would humbly agree that you go with that ‘feeling’ and keep details of your husband off here 🙂 I have thought about sharing some of the details about the storms that I am in at the moment, but I have the same sense that it is best not to. It is about our own journey, not another person’s, and it is up to them whether they want to share their story.

            Thank you for what you have written though, I am encouraged by your writings 🙂 HH

          3. HH,
            Your iceberg, storm, shark, boat illustration has been such an inspiration to me over the past few days to reach a deeper level of faith and facing these new trials without fear. I am so thankful you shared that with us!

            All,
            The conference went REALLY well. God was at work! We had 74 ladies!!! About half of them were Amish. They were so gracious, welcoming, and appreciative. All of the ladies said this was a much needed message and they hope I can share with more women. My voice held up the whole time, my health was perfect, the ladies who organized everything were really on the ball and hard working. I felt like part of the family there. 🙂

            In Him,

            April

          4. April,

            I am SO glad to hear that. I prayed for you, the ladies you were sharing with, your daughter, Greg, the pharmacy and the challenges often over the weekend 🙂

            My storms continue to increase. In Christ, HH

          5. HH,

            Thank you so much for the prayers. I was extremely aware of God’s presence and His power working through me and in the women’s hearts. It was beautiful! I can’t wait to see what He does through the seeds that were planted. 🙂

            Goodness, I am so sorry to hear that your storms are worse! 🙁 How may we pray for you, our brother?

          6. April, you know what? I already knew the weekend was powerful for you 🙂 God spoke to my heart over and over again confirming His work for your weekend 🙂 I was waiting to hear of the blessing He gave! He is good!

            I am not sure what to ask for prayer on the blog. I will think. HH

          7. HH,

            That is so cool! What a beautiful connection and intimacy you have with God!! 🙂

            We will continue to pray for you. I realize there is a lot you can’t share publicly and we all respect that.

          8. April, I wish I had known the love and presence of God like this from birth….I have wasted so much time 🙁

            There is a lot I won’t share. I will ask for prayer that the Lord will work to break down the anger and bitterness in DW’s heart. She is lashing out at every body and has a level of bitterness that I have never seen in anyone before. Her anger worries me for her own sake.

            I will ask for prayer for myself too? I want to know where and how I may serve the Lord in my current position. I have been praying about this for a few days. It is clear that a reconciliation with DW is not on the cards, that’s ok I can live with that, but I want to know what to do and how to serve now. I want to be a channel of God’s love to wherever He wants to direct it, but I am not sure where yet.

            I would be grateful for this prayer 🙂 HH

          9. Hh,
            I prayed for you….i prayed, that God will use you to bring around His goodness to those needig that around you…and for your wife to come to, to finally see, and to finally find peace and healing for herself
            Blessings,
            NB

          10. HH,

            This is what I wish I could communicate to everyone! 🙂

            How I pray that she will realize the source of her misery – her sin and her distance from God. And that God will open her eyes very soon so that she can truly begin to see Him, fall at His feet in repentance and contrition, and allow Him to regenerate her soul.

            I love the prayer you have for yourself – that brings me great joy! I am honored to pray this for you and with you, brother.

            In Him,

            April

    3. CIC,
      Something I have noticed is that God often puts us in a place of prolonged “not knowing” where things are in limbo. But what it seems He has wanted me to do in such times is to rest in His love, provision, peace, and sovereignty even in the midst of the unknown. He seems to desire me to praise and thank Him in this time, before I know the outcome, and to entrust it all to His care without any guarantees that what I desire will happen.

      Much love to you!

      1. Yes, I keep hearing the theme of praising Him through this the last couple of days. So this comment is another confirmation of that.

        My feelings may not line up perfectly but I will choose to praise Him and trust Him. I know He is enough!!!

        Habakkuk 3:17-19
        Though the fig tree does not bud
        and there are no grapes on the vines,
        though the olive crop fails
        and the fields produce no food,
        though there are no sheep in the pen
        and no cattle in the stalls,
        18 yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
        I will be joyful in God my Savior.
        19 The Sovereign Lord is my strength;
        he makes my feet like the feet of a deer,
        he enables me to tread on the heights.

      2. Wow April, this is exactly how I feel…..I feel like I am in prolonged “not knowing”…….And today, I have decided to let God……..watch my daughter……even though I am worried about her being home alone tonight……I am turning my husband over to Jesus. Im going to stay quiet, zip my lips….It doesn’t do me any good to nag him about her being home, about him being gone.

        I would love it April if you could do a story about “win him without a word”. That has been said to me a lot recently.

        So glad the conference went well and you made it home safely!

        Love,
        Tina

        1. Tina,

          You are next door if she needs you, if I remember correctly. I am sure she will call you if she needs anything. 🙂

          I have a whole category on this subject. You can look on the right side of my blog and it is at the bottom of the category section.

          My prayer is that you will rest in God’s peace in the midst of the storm. Like laying back in a hammock of His love, provision, sovereignty, and security and resting in Him while everything around is going crazy.

          I’m so grateful for the opportunity to do that conference and very thankful to be home safely, too. Thank you!

          Much love,
          April

  17. SisterinChrist, I will ask April via email to share my email address with you. 🙂

    HH, Your testimony is so encouraging and gives me great hope!

    I know how quickly I can return to joy by just setting my eyes on Christ and remembering that He is enough! It is truly astounding how quickly I can go from despair to joy and peace when I do this!

    To God be the glory – great things He has done! We surrender every bit of ourselves and our lives to You, Lord – even the fear of saying that – we surrender it to You! In Your hands, we are safe and whole and will have joy beyond compare.

    1. Thank you for your kind words HH! CIC, I just finished typing all 2 pages and ready to send to you! Sorry it’s so long, perhaps it will be more bearable for you to read after a glass of wine.
      🙂 Have a blessed evening all.

        1. My pleasure CIC, I thought I had the Word document with me on my email but it is on my home laptop, I will send it this evening. I love that verse in Habakkuk you quoted, it’s so appropriate to many of our situations and there are so many verses in scripture that are similar spiritual gems. We’ve been blessed with the healing Word and promises of Christ. I just want to get to the place to not be too affected by the world, to really rest easily in His promise. That is just my goal everyday, to believe it with joy instead of fear. It’s a journey.

    2. CICj……our stories seem so similar…….I haven’t worked in 20 years and too must find a job soon. Since our house fire in Feb, and my husband leaving in March, my life has been one struggle after another. My daughter moved in with my husband in May and 2 nights ago I have her back with me finally! He created a real situation with her and he finally conceded last night that I was right and he was wrong. That he will do whatever I wish when it comes to my daughter. She needs structure. She has been living “his” life…….so very sad what our family has become in the last year.
      I am still standing for my husband to come home……I watch him leave ever day and go to the OW…..it was her birthday friday……he never remembered mine. I am so hurt……but with all of you……Jesus……my sweet friends in Christ, I am changing. I am clinging to Jesus. I am reminded in his timing. Especially now that my daughter is here. She doesn’t want to be here, but it is the right thing. I am so thankful to each one of you for your stories that you have been sharing…..HH, SIC, Restored Wife……I love hearing from you all.

      I am always looking to share more with any of you and if you feel led April can also give you my email address. God has brought us all together for a reason. I firmly believe the people in my life right now have been sent to me.

      I will ask you to keep my family in prayer. Especially my daughter as she transitions back to living with me. My hope is our entire family will be restored and any guidance from those of you with children will be much appreciated.

      Much love to you all!
      Tina

      1. Tina,

        Praying for you and your family, my dear sister! I know God is at work – even though some of it is behind the scenes right now.

        I’m so thankful we can love, support, and pray for each other!

        Much love!

      2. Tina,

        I’m so sorry you are going through this. You write so beautifully, with such a beautiful faith amidst all this turmoil. I believe, even through the tears and angst, that that beautiful faith you have in our Lord is what’s going to uplift you. Tina, I have 2 daily bible apps and today’s verse on one of them (the brown with the yellow cross in the middle called “The Daily Bible” –the other one is stopped me in my tracks! I’m not one to think things are meant for me, I have a pretty low expectation and probably should think differently but this one…well let me share. It was Hebrews 11:6

        “And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that He exists and that He rewards those who earnestly seek Him”.

        As with EVERY verse in scripture, this one, during trying times, deserves particular meditation, if you don’t mind my saying so.Because when I read it, it convicted me personally. I felt, I need more faith. It reminds me of the man who told Jesus. “I believe, help my unbelief!” . Jesus was so patient and compassionate with him as He is with you and your situation.

        I wish sometimes we were all close so I can buy everyone coffee and we offer in person support. You will be in my prayers Tina, you and your daughter will be in my prayers. Is she a teenager? My children are teens so I can offer all kinds of support there!

          1. Thank you April, for stirring up my heart for my other sisters. That heals. I appreciate it greatly.

        1. SisterinChrist,
          Its so nice to hear from you! Well, my daughters visit was short lived…..2 nights and she is back with Dad. He punished her and sent her to me and took her back yesterday so now he is punishing me…..And tonight, he is not home. This is proof that he is blinded by the devil. When we were together, if we went out without either of my girls, he would say we have to get back. I don’t want to leave her a long time. It was always fine with me. So why does he feel its ok now? Till 12:30am, 1:30am, 2:30 am?? Our home burned down at 4am? And we would have died if he had not woke up….. My daughter is 16 and I have another one who is 20 and a junior in college. All three of us are in counseling over our situation. I have the best friends, with the best intentions, but they say cut your losses and move on…….I almost did……I filed for divorce, I was actually talked into it by my lawyer. But I have stopped it! You know why? Because my husband sent me a link to a story on the unveiled wife blog……”Should I divorce my husband”……..I asked him why he sent it and he could not explain. I said I believe God is working in your heart and he said maybe. What a beautiful day that was. That was 2 months ago. So I fired my attorney and filed in the courts to dismiss the divorce. I too was blinded. But God spoke to me and it was that day my faith grew. I have spent a lot of time reading devotions, this wonderful blog, and many others. Scriptures are starting to show up several times in the same day. The rejoice ministries devotion on Sunday had the words to a song in the post and when I went to church an hour later, that song was sung……..my friend Amy invited me to church. She wrote me at 7 am and said please come I am singing……..See…….He is alive!!!

          Thank you for the verses and the info on the apps, I am going to look into that!! YES! I would truly love to meet you all! I would love to know where each of you live….I am in Va, and I understand if you don’t want to share where you are from!

          Much love and thanks again for writing my sweet sister!!
          Tina

          1. Hi Tina,

            I’m so glad you have a friend like Amy. The first thing I wanted to say was how much of a blessing that is, I don’t have anyone like that and I’m very much fine with that now, but in the past having a Christian sister to lean on I think would have helped me cope better. I was always alone writing in journals which is very therapeutic also, especially when you pray through journaling which I realize I have done.

            I can’t believe your house burned down. What a blessing that you are all ok. My goodness, if anything can wake us up to what we really need to be thankful for it’s our very lives. I’m so glad you are all ok physically and in time God will restore all of you emotionally, spiritually. Be the prayer warrior for your family. They won’t know what you are doing (praying for them) behind the scenes but God sees all and rewards the diligent because He loves us.

            I look forward to any updates and you will be also in my thoughts and prayers as all of you are and were this morning at mass and every day. I am starting to name my Christian brothers and sisters by name, even online names, it helps me too, to heal. Thank you to all of you for that.

      3. Tina, so good to hear from you. It is obvious God has worked in your heart a lot. You sound like you are experiencing a lot more peace even in the midst of such a storm.

        My heart aches for you. I will pray for you, that God will strengthen the relationship between your daughter and you, begin to mend it and make it beautiful. I pray He will give you wisdom to be strong when necessary but with love, all with love. And gentle and understanding and kindness that maybe she wasn’t getting with her dad right now…. That it will be healing for her.

        Praying that God will give you such joy and peace that you can just let your husband go mentally right now and his actions won’t affect you like they naturally would.

        Love and hugs to you, sweet sister.

      4. Tina, I also have teenagers and would be willing to talk to you regarding things I’ve learned and ways God has changed me in my dealings with them, if you are interested and need that. You can either type it out here but if you’re not comfortable, I am willing to correspond via email, too. Just let me know –

        1. CIC
          Thank you so much! Yes, I would love to talk more! It is ok with me if April gives you my email. I don’t feel like I am going to get resolution from my daughters counselor. I spoke to her this morning and she would not share any conversations between my daughter and her. She said she would have to ask her permission first….. I will accept it, but I can also change what i need to on my end without them knowing a thing!!! Sometimes its so hard to know how to respond when she is so rude to me……it wasn’t always like this. My 20 year old is a good girl and is very respectful. Its just easy, she does not challenge me.

          I so appreciate all the support!!!
          Love,
          Tina

  18. Heya all,

    I took my kids to the beach today. Was sitting there watching them play and a mum who was watching her kids started talking to me. She asked where my kids mum was and I told her we were separated. Turns out she is in the process of separating from her husband after 25 years of marriage 🙁 She opened up about all the things they were struggling with and why she felt she needed to leave. I shared a few of the ways it had been hard for me but how much peace and strength I had in Christ and His unfailing love and how that was what my heart totally needed and had always needed. I shared how I had looked for that love in DW but been disappointed but how Christ’s love totally met that need.

    Conversation was SO God directed, we talked about how important it was to find our joy in Christ and not our partner and that then we could minister to them effectively, talked about the suicide of her husbands father and how he became withdrawn after that and how that could be impacting their relationship and his behaviour now, talked about her past and a few things that had impacted her as a person. I shared the help that Breaking Free had for me and how I was a controlling person much like her husband and the fears and reasons that led to it and encouraged her to try and see the reasons behind her husband’s behaviour without accepting the behaviour.

    She said that their divorce isn’t definite and that she had a lot to think through. I left it that I would be praying for her and she thanked me. God is so good to give me an opportunity to care for someone and share with them His love 🙂 It was SUCH a free, open, God led conversation, praising Him tonight!!!

    Just wanted to share as it blessed me today.
    Love in Christ heaps, HH

    1. Hi HH,
      I have a feeling that conversation really healed a place in her, as that’s what Christ does. You were a blessing to her at that moment, the beauty is we don’t really know just how very much we touch someone as we rarely wear our hearts out in public. I remember the days of taking my little ones to the beach. Oh the time goes by so quickly. I’m sure it was such a blessed day for you and your children, I feel it from the other side of the map I’m sure (since it’s so cold here!).

      Just today I was walking in the city and normally I love it but not today, seeing all those people and seeing what they wore and overhearing foul language and seeing Christmas displays without nativity….I thought of our Lord weeping over Jerusalem and I felt a ‘glimpse’ of the sadness at the state of mans heart.

      The weird thing that stopped me in my tracks…just yesterday I said to my husband “this weekend I want to dedicate it to learning more about that particular passage of Jesus weeping over Jerusalem”. When it dawned on me that this deep sadness I had at the seemingly lost crowd was, I humbly say, almost like an answer to my goal for the weekend. As if He allowed me a bit of understanding, of His heart for the world.

      1. Hi SIC, I hope it was a help to her 🙂 That is so cool that you were able to see some of the heart of Jesus in that way. I love that passage about Jesus weeping over Jerusalem. One of the things that impacts me about it is that He was weeping not only over their sin but about how their sin was hurting THEM…..His tears were tears of compassion and their pain meant more to Him than His own pain. Truly, God is love 🙂 HH

        1. HH, this is beautiful. I must admit, I don’t think I’m there and this is something that bothers me about my heart. I know that still the underlying desire for my husband’s salvation is because it will affect *me*. I do hurt for him bc he talks occasionally of not being happy, of having no purpose…. And I long for him to know the love of the Father and have that hole in his heart filled to overflowing.

          So, I don’t know… Maybe both those feelings are there together and that’s normal. But, I think there’s a deeper (maybe much deeper) level to get to for me of being more concerned for his pain without Christ than my pain (and my kids’ pain) bc he doesn’t have Christ.

          1. Hi CiC,

            You know what? I think the only one who ever was “there” completely was Jesus 🙂 I think there is probably always a much deeper level of love for all of us! It is beautiful that you can see your own motivations and I think this probably reflects the work of God in you to want to be less selfish IMO.

            I think it would be very unnatural if we didn’t want our spouse to be happy with at least part of the motive being our own happiness, but I think the more our hearts become one with Christ the less our own happiness becomes the primary motive. Because, in Christ we are happy 🙂

            On the 25th April this year I became aware of how much my motivation for praying for DW was my own happiness and I wrote down in my prayer diary that I began to ask God to change me to be more concerned for her than for me. And, it happened and is happening….slowly I began to see things differently and one day I was praying for her and I realised that my whole prayer was based in a concern for her pain. Praise God 🙂

            I still very much want her to know Christ and enjoy marriage with me, and I still pray for our marriage restoration, but the more Christ fills my heart the more I can pray truly for her blessing and the more I hurt for her rather than for myself. Because Christ carried my hurts and I am under His wing so I don’t need to hurt as much 🙂 I am sure we all have further to go on this but how exciting to be able to!

            Love heaps, HH

          2. HH, I really appreciate you sharing these things with me. It is so encouraging to see that God showed you these things in yourself and that He has been faithful to change that in you. It gives me so much hope. I’ve always been most encouraged by others’ testimonies about how God has changed their hearts. Not because of five perfect steps they took and how they secured the outcome but just that they gave whatever the issue was to God and asked Him to change it and He did.

            Thanks again –

            I wish there was some way all of this could just be deposited into my heart and life without the pain. Yes, that’s terribly selfish, lol, you can see I have a LONG way to go.

            But, even Christ learned obedience in His suffering. Wow. Hebrews 5:8

          3. Hi CiC,

            I am so very glad. I too am greatly helped by others testimonies 🙂 I do wonder if I write too much sometimes, and yet I am greatly helped as well by reading and writing here. I have thrashed through so many things on this blog that have been instrumental in my growth.

            Oh, I also wish that anything God taught me could have come without pain. But, I am a bonehead and pretty much needed an RPG to open my eyes.

            Take care, HH

  19. Hi April, so happy it went well!!! Yay! Wonderful.

    I tried to send CIC an email with that email address but I’m getting an error message.

    I’m warmed to think how lovely the reunion was with your little girl! I have to help my big girl with her homework now and look forward to being on the site later this evening.

    1. SisterinChrist,

      I’ll try again. 🙂

      My daughter is at church right now – but I am looking forward to seeing her in an hour and a half. 🙂 She will probably hug me hard enough that it will be like she is doing the Heimlich maneuver on me! 🙂 Ha!

      Much Love,
      April

      1. One of my daughters hugs me like that! She can hurt me and she is so tiny, it’s funny. I’m sure it was a sweet reunion.

        1. ContentinChrist,

          It was a sweet reunion. She cried a lot last night and I held her and cuddled with her and she told me how much she missed me. She wanted me to hug her “really tight” because that makes her feel loved. 🙂

          As she gets a bit taller, hopefully, the hugs won’t be Heimlich-y. 🙂 She is already up to the bottom of my nose now. I think she grew an inch while I was gone for 3 days.

          Much love!

          1. April,

            When my children were little, my husband allowed me to travel to visit my Mother. One of the sweetest things he did for me. He was a busy car salesman and he arranged for his Aunt to watch the youngest while he worked and arranged his schedule so he could be home early. Before I left. I wrote out small notes to each of them an hid them in their beds on their pillows with a small token. I had a note for several nights and told them where to find them. For my husband I left a small note in his closet where I knew he would find it. Thanking him for his sacrifice to all me some joy. What a happy memory I was reminded of thinking about your trip away from your family.

            All, in church on Sunday the Pastor spoke on Thanksgiving. We all assume that as Thanksgiving is coming up in a few days. But what he said was beautiful. I could not help but cry uncontrollably……….This year be thankful for everything you have. It might not be what you had last year…..But God is blessing you right now. Its up to you to decide the good and positives you have in life……..The good I had last year was my entire family for Thanksgiving and my beautiful home……This year I will be thankful we are all alive…..Praise God…….we will have food on our table…….and I will pray my entire family including my husband will come and be together. So I was reminded to be thankful even though it might be different than last year.

            Love,
            Tina

          2. Tina,

            Thank you so much for sharing that memory. 🙂 And for sharing what the Pastor said at your church about Thanksgiving. May we each be filled to overflowing with gratitude to God each day, each moment. 🙂 I know that this is an extra large challenge this year after all that 2016 has involved for you. I pray for God’s greatest spiritual blessings and healing on you, your husband, your marriage, and your children.

            Much love!

  20. Hi Everyone just doing some catching up reading this thread and I am so inspired by the blessings that have been shared and also the peace that I sense God has given many of us in our lives. HH I am inspired by your sharing of how you are at peace and resting in Jesus in the storm, Praise God for the work He is doing in your heart and your life. I am so happy for you that you are seeing your kids more often lately as well what a blessing. I am very interesting in reading the book Breaking Free is it by Beth Moore? I am hoping to purchase it soon.

    God has been allowing me to experience His peace as well more and more with each day and I feel very blessed He is so good. My husband and I have been continuing to make good progress and I praise God that He has opened the door to allow me to start sharing some of His goodness with my husband. I waited for nearly six months in quietness before bringing up a single word of how God has been the reason for opening my eyes to the destruction I was bringing to our marriage and this past weekend I had the opportunity to share just a little and I am very blessed that My husband was receptive and open to what I had to share. I thank God He is so faithful, I have waited on His time and even though we did not get into any great detail it was enough to get confirmation that I am doing what God wants me to do and that I need to continue to put my trust in Him and wait on Him. I see great evidence of the Lord working in my husbands heart in small glimpses and small things, but it is steps forward. I have waited for this progress but I am reminding myself no running ahead of the Lord, He does not need my help and I must continue to wait and trust on Him and Him alone, I have no right to take anything into my own hands I do not have God’s power. I have also seen the Lord showing me how my husband is committed to restoring our marriage as well and it was amazing to hear him say that he feels our marriage is stronger than it has been in many years. I firmly believe that is the work of God in our lives and that it is clear evidence of how God is working in my husbands heart. Oh how I praise Him for His goodness! It has been difficult on times some days I struggle with my motives but God has been faithful to keep bringing me back to where I need to be. this journey has not been easy and I know it will always have obstacles and challenges but God has shown me every step along the way that every step is a step worth taking.

    Continuing to pray for you all it was a blessing to read some of your posts and learn how God is working in your lives. This blog continues to be such an inspiration I thank God for you all!

    1. Hi TrulyBlessed,

      Yes, it is by Beth Moore 🙂 I have not read any of her other works but this one certainly is good!

      It is so good to read of the progress in your life and marriage, PTL!! HH

    2. I thank God for you too. You are a blessing on this site. For 6 months you waited in quietness and you’ve seen the fruits. That is inspiring! I don’t think I have what it takes to do that, but with God, all is possible. THank you for sharing your update, It really was very nice to read. You remind me that a “gentle and quiet spirit is of GREAT WORTH to God”. Wow. That is such a powerful verse. God bless you!

  21. How is everyone tonight/today? I cannot sleep and have been spending some time praying for you all. I pray that God is with each of you in your various situations. HH

    1. Good morning HH I am glad to see you post I have been thinking of you and many others from here as it has been quite quiet lately. Praying that things have been going well for you and God has continued to allow you His peace as you face the storms and trials you are going through. Things are going well here and I praise the Lord every day for the restoration in our marriage that He has allowed us and the second chance we have been given. I continue to put my trust in the Lord and wait on Him as I continue on this journey on the Lord and win my husband without words. Every day I see changes in his heart as well as my own and God reminds me He is faithful!

      1. Hi Truly Blessed.

        I am glad to hear from you. I am glad that you are walking so close to the Lord and enjoying a restored marriage 🙂 PTL

        Things are not going well here. The storms surrounding me are escalating and it seems as though the enemy is bringing out every weapon in his arsenal to try to take me down.

        It seems as though I will be losing my house. Unfortunately the financial logistics mean that I will struggle to afford to buy another one for quite a while. I am not sure how this is going to impact the kids and their security, this home is quite important to them. This is quite a blow and I have really had to spend some time in prayer to come to terms with this. I am not quite there on this issue yet and would appreciate prayer to be able to come to peace on this issue. I know that God is greater than this challenge.

        While I was praying about it yesterday a friend texted me the scripture “Foxes have holes and the birds have nests, but the Son of Man has nowhere to lay His head”. My friend hadn’t spoken to me for 3 weeks and he doesn’t know about the house, so I was quite hit by the timing of this. I believe God is calling me to trust Him that even if I don’t have a home He wants me to follow Him. My security is not in bricks and mortar, it is in Christ.

        Love to all, HH

        1. HH,

          Another spiritual hurdle. Perhaps getting you away from the current situation is a blessing in disguise. But I will certainly pray for God’s provision, wisdom, and direction for you and that He will put you where He wants you and your children to be for His greatest glory, dear brother.

          I love that you see that your security is not in owning a home but in following Jesus. That is something I long for us all to remember every moment – that our security is in Christ alone!

          Praying for you and your family!

        2. HH, I’m sorry for the new struggle and trial. I will pray for you now. God is greater than this challenge , as you said, but also, He is aware of the pain and sorrow that we feel as we walk through these things. I know He will bring you soon to that place of peace. Interesting that your friend sent you that verse! In some sense, it sounds a little depressing, but the reality of it is that Jesus is your brother and He knows what you are going through. He can sympathize with you as your High Priest. So, you share in the sufferings of Christ and you fellowship with Him in those sufferings. Philippians 3:10-11: “I want to know Christ–yes, to know the power of his resurrection and participation in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, so that I may somehow attain to the resurrection from the dead.” I know He already knows exactly where you will live and who will be your neighbors and has a plan and good works prepared in advance for you to do from that next place.

          I’ve had a hard couple of days – especially today. Realizing how dysfunctional our relationship has been from the start. From the very beginning, it was tangled up in darkness and sin and I can see how some of this still affects me. I became a believer about 12 years into the marriage, and have detangled out of some of the dysfunction, but not all of it. I believe part of the work during this separation is to heal me fully. But, it is painful to realize more depths to the reality of how broken and damaged our relationship really was/is. And, how damaged I am in parts of myself.

          I am praying for healing for both my husband and myself.

          And, it is hard to face the reality that my husband is not fighting for our marriage or willing to look at his part even after separating. Hard, but not at all a surprise, either.

          And, of course, it’s sad to be putting up Christmas decorations with my children around and our family unit torn apart. I see the sadness on their faces, in their eyes. I’m sure they see it in me, too.

          On a good note, I have had a boldness to declare Christ more than ever to my kids and to come to Christ in prayer all together, asking Him to hold us, expressing my trust in His working and bringing something good out of this, praying for my husband and all of us to have a revelation of Christ. I’ve been encouraged by reading Christian testimonies online at a website called truthsaves.org and have been trying to read one a day with my kids. It is just so amazing to read people’s stories of what their lives used to be like and how Jesus changed them and what they are like now. It’s increased my faith. I think personal testimonies are very powerful and I believe we should be hearing lots more of them in our local churches. (“They overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and the word of their testimony” – Rev. 12:11).

          That’s my update. Love you all.

          1. Thank you CiC, for your prayer and care. Yes, in a sense the scripture about Jesus having no home can appear a little depressing, however we must bear in mind that His home (and ours) is a mansion in glory 🙂 I am balancing that truth with the reality of needing to provide a physical home for my children. God will provide what I need, when I need it, and this may be a wonderful opportunity to move closer to my church! It is currently about a 160 km (100 miles) round trip to go to church so being closer would be a blessing and would allow more mid week fellowship also 🙂

            I have been wondering how you were going with your own separation and journey. Yes, Christmas will be hard for you. That is undeniable. I will bear you up in prayer on Christmas day. I will have my children on Christmas day the way our schedule works which I guess will be difficult for my wife.

            It is hard on the children isn’t it! I watched a movie with my son the other day called The Good Dinosaur. When the little kid reunites with his family my son sat there with tears running down his cheeks then said “That’s the best for them. I wish I had my family together”. That was very difficult to hear. Sin hurts people on a deep level.

            Yes, facing the reality that your spouse is not wanting to work on the relationship is difficult. In one sense that can hurt more than the sins committed against you. I guess that is very similar to how Christ must have felt when He wept over Jerusalem saying He longed to gather them up but they would not let him.

            Personal testimonies are very powerful aren’t they! They encourage me greatly too. I will check out the website you linked. The joy that I have experienced over these last few weeks has lit a fire in so many people around me and interestingly I have had some of the strongest spiritual warfare going on at the same time. I think the enemy is angry that I am resting in Christ so much and has really ramped up the guns on me.

            Thank you for posting your comment. I will pray for you tonight. HH

          2. Thanks for your prayers, HH. I very much appreciate it. And need them.

            Wow, 100 mile round trip! That’s a long way!!! I believe God has just the right “homey”, “safe” place for you and your children – that will also work right in with your financial situation.

            Your son crying….breaks my heart. But, I am glad that he’s able to show his emotion. Such a blessing – such an incredible blessing – for a son to grow up with a father who will not force him to grow up and shut down his emotions! Oh, Father — hold our children’s hearts safely in Your healing hands.

            Yep, I agree. The enemy is none too happy that you are resting in Christ these days and that He is pouring out His love and life through you. Greater is He who is in you than He that is in the world!

          3. CiC, I am praying for you now. And know what? I have the same sense that God is with you that I had when I was praying for April’s last conference. The next little while is going to have times that hurt, there is no doubt about that. But, God can be with you in ways that can strengthen you beyond what you realised possible 🙂

            Yes, I had the same thought when he was crying! It is a privilege that he feels safe enough to express his emotions with me 🙂 I have often prayed Isaiah 54 for my kids, that their peace would be great! It is a chapter full of encouragement for those who want to serve the Lord.

            It is interesting but every time DW has a crisis, even a crisis where she is experiencing the consequences of a huge sin, she turns to me for support. She said she knows that I am trustworthy and will support her and yet in the same breath is confirming the divorce, house splitting, other things etc. I am very prayerfully considering removing my emotional support from her, as she wants the support without being willing to have any marital relationship. I would appreciate your prayer for wisdom on this!

            Haha, yes it is a long way from church. It has been very difficult to get to mid week studies or worship because of the distance and cost. Finding a place closer would be a blessing!

            Praying for you all. HH

    2. Hello HH and all!

      HH, It really has been a hard week. I feel attacked to. The more I pray, read scriptures and attend church the more satan is attacking me.

      Thanksgiving was very hard for me, but I made it. I had my girls but my husband would not come because I did not sign an insurance check over to him. He has no desire to work on our relationship no matter what I say to him. He said he will not have a wife who does not do what he tells her to do. He does not offer any emotional support like you say you do to your wife HH……I still need better understanding about winning him over without a word. I don’t know how different my situation is from all of you, but my husband is right next door to me. If I tell him how I feel, he tells me he doesn’t care. He told me he was “done” with me long before the fire. Its really hurtful. I have so much forgiveness in my heart and I don’t hold grudges. I know we are not perfect people and we all make mistakes. I ask God to forgive me and I usually feel peace in my heart and move on.

      I want badly to bring him back to a time of good memories thinking some how it will bring him around. I pray for God to work in his heart because I truly believe that is what must happen.

      The message at Church last Sunday, I felt was for me. The preacher talked about not quitting. He even spoke about a marriage that is having trouble. He has no idea about my situation. He just said no matter what don’t quit.

      I struggle not having my daughter here with me everyday, but yesterday I was able to prepare breakfast for my daughter and she stopped in on her way to school and grabbed it. She also came back for supper last night and stayed a pretty good while. My heart broke when she left to go back to my husbands to an empty house, but as many have said, she is right next door and knows she can call on me when she needs to. She has been going to counseling and on thursday the counselor said she didn’t need to see her anymore. I was like oh NO! I wanted you to help us work on our relationship and thats why I brought her here. She said she can’t make her want to see me……which is true, but there must be a way to work on it? So we have an appointment together next week.

      So my message to all is don’t quit. I am not giving up on my daughter or my husband. HH have you read Boundaries? I have only listened to a few chapters and haven’t had time to finish. But I am told it is the best book and I really think it might help you with your wife.

      CIC, I am right there with you on decorating for Christmas. I don’t feel any desire to do it, but I will for my girls.
      Thank you all for your updates. Its truly a blessing to me to be able to share and know there are many who understand and offer support.

      Much love to all,
      Tina

      1. Hi Tina 🙂

        Sounds like a pretty similar situation in some ways. I also live very close, somehow she ended up a few hundred metres away. But, with the house needing to be sold very soon I am planning on moving to another town.

        Yes, I have read the book boundaries. Several times actually and written a lot of notes in it and about it. There are some concepts in it that I struggle with but there is a lot of good in it. Thanks for mentioning it! I might read through it again with “new eyes”, I haven’t read it in a couple months.

        I’m sorry to hear that things are so hard for you! I encourage you to press into Christ and enjoy Him as your spouse for this season 🙂 His love is beyond anything another person can give.

        I will pray for you tonight. HH

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

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