Skip to main content
IMG_8433

"I Wish My Husband Would Text Me from Work!"

IMG_8433

I am so thankful for everyone taking the time to answer my poll questions last month about our expectations vs. the reality of how much contact our husbands make with us while the are at work. Texting, calling, or emailing can be a source of wonderful bonding for some couples or a source of a lot of hurt feelings and contention for others. I have shared the results of the two polls at the bottom of this post if you would like to refer to them – could be interesting.

Sometimes the thing that causes the most hurt feelings in our marriages can be our expectations – particularly when our expectations and reality don’t match up very well. One reader shared with me a few years ago, “expectations are premeditated resentment.”

If you read the survey results, you will find that there are a wide variety of expectations about how much contact wives would like to have from their husbands. Some wives are totally fine if they don’t hear from their husbands at all during a work shift. For others, it ruins their whole day – maybe even the whole relationship – if they don’t hear from their husbands a certain number of times per day on a given day.

Why? How can some wives be totally content with no contact, and other wives are upset if their husbands don’t contact them at least every hour?

I believe it comes down to expectations and where we find our security.

I used to get really upset if Greg didn’t contact me from work. Especially if I found out he wasn’t really busy and could have emailed/texted me. I took him not contacting me to mean things like:

  • If he had time to contact me but he didn’t make any effort to contact me, he obviously doesn’t love me as much as I love him.
  • If he loves me, he would MAKE time to contact me to tell me he loves me during the day.
  • I should measure his love for me by how often he contacts me while we are apart.
  • I should measure my security in our marriage by how often he texts/emails/calls me.

I sent him emails almost every day – sometimes really, really long emails to tell him how much I loved him because WORDS are my biggest love language. I was trying to do for him what I wanted him to do for me. I was following the Golden Rule, right? I thought that words and verbal/written communication would be as big of a gift to him as they were to me.

Turns out, my engineering-minded husband, doesn’t bond with words. When I realized that a few years ago – it completely blew my mind!

Words are not a big thing for him. In fact, he feels connected to me and bonded with me all the time whether we have any conversation or not. To me – earlier in our marriage – “bonding” and “emotional connection” only happened when we were talking face-to-face without any distractions or when we were having a typed conversation.

Sometimes, we can feel a lot more connected and loved by our husbands if we set down our preconceived expectations of how they “should” love us and we learn to receive love in the ways they actually like to give love.

When I found out that Greg didn’t bond with words and that he always felt connected to me unless I was upset with him – what freedom that insight brought me! I learned to rest in Greg’s love whether we were communicating during the day or not. I learned to expect that he did love me and to greet him with joy and gladness when he got home instead of with resentment and bitterness that he didn’t email me. I dropped my expectations of him contacting me when he was at work and accepted that he doesn’t bond with words and that is not wrong – it is just different from how I bond.

At first, this was really hard for me. I thought to myself, “It would be easier for me to send 87 loving emails to Greg than to not email him at all. This is SO HARD!!!!!”

These days, Greg does contact me if he has a question or something to share with me. And I do the same. Sometimes we are in contact multiple times through the day. Sometimes we don’t talk at all during a work shift.  Now, I can be content either way. I have learned to enjoy the love he shows me in the way he shows it. I have learned to appreciate that – to him – just being together in the same room is bonding. Now, we actually do a lot more talking (which I love) because I don’t react with resentment and anger to Greg or try to force him to show love exactly the way I like to show love. I can ask for things in a pleasant, friendly, respectful way if I want to. But I can be content whether he emails me or not. I can be content whether he texts or calls me or not. I can be content whether we spend hours together in the evenings or not.

I CAN ASK FOR WHAT I WOULD LIKE:

I can certainly say, “Honey, it would mean so much to me if you get a chance to send me a little text during the day sometime. I feel very loved when you do that. ;)”

But then, if he doesn’t or can’t contact me, I can still respond with grace, respect, dignity, and poise. I don’t have to fall apart. I don’t have to automatically assume the worst. I can focus on allowing God to meet my deepest needs rather than trying to make my husband, a mere human, meet my deepest needs.

Another thing to keep in mind is that when your husband is working is not a good time to try to have deep, serious, painful discussions about the relationship or to shower him with lots of problems. There may be some problems you need to share with him when he is at work that need urgent attention. But generally keeping the conversation light, sweet, and pleasant, while he is at work can be a blessing to him – unless there is truly an emergency, of course.

MY SECURITY IS NOT IN A MAN:

I have learned to find all of my security, peace, purpose, joy, and identity in Christ, not in Greg. If I idolize my husband and expect him to meet the deepest needs of my soul that only Jesus can meet, I am going to be clingy and needy with Greg and I will repel him. Not only that, but he can’t meet my deepest needs. He is not God.

I am responsible for my own emotions whether Greg does what I want him to or not. And I am responsible for my own spiritual well-being in Christ. I get to determine whether I will be joyful and content or not. My level of joy and contentment is a function of how much I allow the Holy Spirit to fill me up and to have control instead of my fleshly self. No one else can determine that for me.

I like to modify Philippians 4:11-13 a bit to fit our marriages sometimes:

ORIGINAL: I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

MY VERSION: I have learned that the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether my husband shows love in the ways I prefer or not. I can do all this through Him who gives me strength. In fact, whether my husband meets my needs or he doesn’t, Jesus always meets my deepest needs and I will be abundantly content in Him!

—————-

POLL RESULTS FOR WIVES (Reminder, this is not a scientific, statistically accurate poll)

  1. Does your husband contact you when he is at work just “because”? (603 votes)
  • He contacts me, but only if there is something he needs to ask me.   28%
  • Yes, multiple times per day, usually.    26%
  • Yes, once per day, usually.    22%
  • Yes, a few times per week, usually.     9%
  • No, he doesn’t contact me when he is at work – even though he probably could.     6%
  • Yes, once a week, usually.     6%
  • He contacts me, but only if there is an emergency.     3%
  • No, but he is not allowed to contact me when he is at work.      1%

2. How often would you like your husband to contact you from work just to let you know he loves you?  (537 votes)

  • At least once per day.     43%
  • A few times per week.      20%
  • At least once per week.      13%
  • Multiple times per day.      11%
  • Once per month or so.     8%
  • Never, I would rather he not contact me when he is at work.      3%
  • He isn’t allowed to contact me from work – so it isn’t an issue.      1%
  • At least every hour.      0% (2 votes)
  • I’m not allowed to receive contact from him when I am at work.      0%  (1 vote)

3. How important is it to you for your husband to contact you from work to emotionally connect? (523 votes)

  • Important to me.     27%
  • Very important to me.      23%
  • A little important to me.     21%
  • Extremely important to me.     17%
  • Not important to me at all.      12%

4. If your husband doesn’t contact you when he is at work, how would you feel? (532 votes)

  • totally fine – I would still feel loved by him and connected to him.     44%
  • A little sad and a little unimportant.     43%
  • Very sad and unimportant.     11%
  • REALLY, REALLY upset, unloved, rejected, and devastated.     2%

POLL RESULTS FOR HUSBANDS (This is not a scientific, statistically accurate poll.)

  1. Do you ever contact your wife while you are working just to show her you love her? (257 votes)
  • Yes, multiple times per day.     25%
  • Yes, a few times per week.     24%
  • Yes, once per day.     29%
  • Rarely.     13%
  • I contact her if I have a question I need to ask her, but not “just because.”     11%
  • Yes, once per week.     5%
  • I am not allowed to make personal calls/texts at work.     3%

2. Do texts/emails/phone calls during the day make you feel more bonded with and loved by your wife? (254 votes)

  • Yes! I LOVE it when she contacts me and feel more loved by her.     56%
  • I feel bonded with her and loved whether she contacts me at work or not.     39%
  • I feel less loved or connected if my wife contacts me when I am at work.     5%

3. Are you concerned that too much contact from your wife when you are at work could hurt your job? (249 votes)

  • No, it is not a concern at all for me.      65%
  • Yes, it is somewhat of a concern.     22%
  • Yes, it is a big concern.     7%
  • I’m not sure.     6%

4. What makes you feel most loved and appreciated by your wife? (257 votes)

  • Sex     40%
  • Time doing something fun side by side   36%
  • Words, texts, emails, phone calls, and conversations.     16%
  • Praying together.     6%
  • Eating together.     2%

(Several husbands wrote in that just being in the same room with their wives, not necessarily doing anything together, is the most bonding to them. Another wrote that when his wife anticipates his needs and meets his needs, he feels most loved, appreciated, and bonded – it could be any of the things on the list or something else entirely.)

60 thoughts on “"I Wish My Husband Would Text Me from Work!"

  1. Nowadays my husband texts me if and when he can. And will usually call me on his way home. Other times are sporadic. I am free to send him texts throughout the day, as long as I keep it lighthearted and don’t present problems. Eg: the kids are mucking up, the house has been trashed, or I’m depressed and need to vent. Or something is broken etc. He said it just makes him mad,frustrated, depressed etc because he can’t do a thing about it while he is at work.

    I am trying to limit how often I text him, I may say, “I hope you have a great day!” or to tell him about something cute or funny one of the kids said or did, or to let him know I need something from the store or let him know someone rang for him or a parcel came for him. And I’ve noticed he has come home happier. 🙂 But I don’t really feel he has to respond to everything. I know he will respond when he can. If he is caught on his phone at work he could be fired.

    He used to ring me several times a day, and it started to annoy me. As I may of been trying to have a nap, put a child down for a nap, fix a problem, deal with unruly children etc. and I’d get constantly interrupted by his phone calls. I appreciated them. But as a homeschooling mother with lots of kids. It was starting to take its toll. So I can understand why it would wear on a man very quickly.

    1. Anon M,

      Oh! You make a REALLY important point! Keeping the texts and messages lighthearted when he is at work is important. If we try to have some deep time of relationship examination via text when our husbands are at work, that is going to be really distracting to them. They need to be able to focus on their work and not feel like we are falling apart or depending on them to have extremely deep conversations when they are supposed to be working. There are times we may have to share problems to see what they would like us to do – but if things can wait, it may be wise to wait until later.

      I love your attitude now and your approach. It is awesome! I also appreciate that you understand that his job could be on the line if he is texting with you and that you are gracious about not demanding that he respond back. It is important for him to have a good job!

      Yes, phone calls can come at inopportune times and can be very time consuming. I agree that it could be difficult on anyone who is trying to work (or even trying to get things done at home) to get lots of personal phone calls.

      Thanks so much for sharing!

  2. Expectations…premeditated resentment. Isn’t that the truth!

    I expected my husband to be the BEST husband, dad, son, employee, etc. I expected myself to be the BEST wife, mother, daughter, employee etc. Same goes with my expectations of my kids, parents, boss, and, well, anyone in my life. Yet, I only had control of one of those people, and I was NOT even being the best at controlling that person…me. Emotionally and spiritually I was way out of control because I was placing so many expectations on myself and everyone around me. Needless to say, trying to balance all of that was like a circus act (picture a unicycler balancing stacks of plates and cups on a stick and riding around) it all came crashing down.

    Again, April’s timely post brought out what I was starting to see… expectations were killing my faith. A phone call or message? Such a little thing to put so much into. There was a time that an unanswered text crushed the breath out of me. Ladies, if this is affecting you like this, hold onto the rails, cause you are in for one heck of a ride…this is the tip of the iceberg of unfulfilled expectations!

    Even a month ago, after 1.5 years (into this journey), I was still trying to expect that my marriage would come around. I expected my husband to forgive, move on, get professional help, just let it go. I expected him to see how I had changed, have the kind of faith and hope I did, be as positive and full of joy as me. I even expected him to see his sin, understand my pain, hear me and my meanings when we talked and witness the destruction he was causing in our marriage and family.

    Guess what? None of my expectations were met. None of them.

    I asked God “What is next, Lord? Teach me what I don’t know. Help me see where I am missing it and how to see things through YOUR eyes, Lord.” I felt Him say, “Go walk through the woods today before work”. So I took a right and found the woods i walked the day my grandfather passed away 18 years ago. I hadn’t been in them since I grieved his passing.

    There, I was shown life, death, growth, and sacrifice. I was shown the way God created the earth to renew itself and the progression of the circle of life. It was a huge parallel for me. Only, I inserted dreams, expectations, and desires. They follow very similar paths. That day, I decided that the marriage I knew for almost 20 years is over. I knew that person I once was is dead. I was glad she was dead and never want to see her again. But until now, I had not acknowledged that the person my husband was is gone too. Both those people are gone…and the marriage they had too.

    Was it a bad thing? A tragic thing? Tragic, yes, but bad? Not really. It’s time to let the nutrients from that old marriage along with new light of today make room for something new.. maybe a new marriage with who I am today…in Christ. Even though I much preferred the old husband to the new husband, that was not God’s best either. The fact is, he is gone too. I will never have that old marriage again. Things were cut down, blown over, diseased, and rotted. Yet, in this empty space now open, there is now a chance for new growth. I feel like I have finally buried ALL of the old me. That sinful self that wanted the world to be molded into my own liking, to my expectations.

    My brothers and sisters on this blog have lifted me up, encouraged me, and conforted me over these last few months and my heart swells with gratitude because of all your love. I know God works through His people in powerful ways. I have been very quiet with my husband lately, but friendly, full of joy, and mostly content. I feel a peace, a balance, even though it was wildly uncomfortable to stay quiet. I felt like all was surely going to die, be over and be hopeless if even basic communication was not being done. Maybe it still will be, I don’t know the future. Only God does.

    But I do know that my husband has been more introspective. More courteous. More at home. He joined us on a field trip with school.. that means he took a day off! This man who works 18 hours a day has been coming home around 7 or 8, instead of 9 or 10. He took me out for coffee…just me! Vaccation plans fell through, but it didn’t get me upset…I was rock solid with my emotions even though I was disappointed, I never let it phase me.

    I think my husband has also recognized that death has happened. As humans we are always afraid of death, aren’t we? Do we as humans think that we can bypass death with our own knowledge, power, ideas and our own will? Only when we give over our life for Christ do we find true life, but those who want to save their life will lose it.

    I guess I thought I could “die to my self” yet hold onto the marriage of my sinful past. The reality is that I don’t want that old marriage. I don’t want that immature way of relating and thinking any more.

    My husband may stay. My husband may leave. But that old me is dead. Good riddance. It is time for me to treat my past as just that…my past. It is my history, it cannot be changed. I don’t know if my husband will like the new me or not. But I like the new me. And I know God approves as well. I am no longer going to try to “please my husband with my goodness or the new me”. I am interested in pleasing God. If my husband is drawn to me because of it – well, that will be icing on the cake, sprinkles really. But I am determined to live out God’s expectations, not my own… and hey, they happen to be spelled out in a handy book we call the Bible! God’s little book of instructions. I wish it was called “The Idiot’s Guide to Joyful Living”, it would fly off the shelves of the bookstore. And people say that life doesn’t come with instructions? They are wrong…it does, thanks be to Jesus.

    So, in wrapping up, I wanted to thank all of you who prayed for me, encouraged me and lifted me up. I have peeled another layer off and am moving forward without my own expectations of “saving my marriage.” By dying for Christ, I shall find life. By allowing my marriage to die, I will find a new relationship designed by God, not by me…and we all know that His way is best!

    Lord, I pray:

    Thank you for the blessing of this day. Thank You for the gift of wisdom and discernment to see Your ways, Your safety through the storms and for being the Rock upon which we build our house. Lord, I pray that You walk the long journey with each one of us in a personal and intimate way. Teaching us, caring for us, loving us, and never leaving us. We are but children. We will make mistakes, but teach us how to learn and grow from them as a good father does. Lord, we wish to please You. We want to hear You say to us one day, “Well done, My good and faithful servant”.

    I pray that you can wipe our tears away and lift our chins. That you can hold us in our pain and rock us in peace and love and comfort. Lord, we may never understand this world you gave us to live in, but may we rest in the comfort that You do, and it is all under Your control. Lord, I pray that you help us to surrender our lives to you and fill us with Your strength, Your courage, Your patience, and most of all, Your love. I pray that we can grow as children into responsible and loving servants of Your kingdom. I pray that You care for each one of us at the different stages of our growth. We are valuable and cherished children of Yours. Help us understand what we need at each moment along this path. Lord, I pray You defend us against evil and fight our battles for us. I pray that You always have our back for our good. I pray that we can rest in Your love, dear Lord. It is in Your name we pray and love.

    Amen.

    1. LMSdaily115,

      Expectations are really a key issue – they tie into our idols, too. And to our pride sometimes. Perfectionism – goodness. That is something that used to consume me. Such a destructive mindset! (Ladies, here is a post about the real motives behind perfectionism and a video about finding victory over perfectionism.)

      I have found that when I am disappointed, upset, and feeling discouraged – it is a good time for me to take my motives and lay them all out before God, asking Him to show me my hidden motives that I may not be able to see.

      Sometimes negative feelings are there because I am being sinned against and need to address something. Sometimes they are there because I am hormonal, exhausted, hungry, sick, etc… Sometimes negative feelings or even fear are a flag to show me that my priorities or motives are off base and that I am putting my faith or trust in something/someone beside Jesus.

      I LOVE what God is showing you and appreciate your willingness to share here so much!

      PRAISING GOD WITH YOU about the baby steps toward healing that your husband is taking. THAT IS AWESOME! I know things are far from where you would like them to be. But healing a marriage that was as severely wounded as this marriage was, that was on the very edge of divorce, can take time. I know I have shared that we were not on the edge of divorce, but it was still 3.5 years into my journey before Greg felt safe with me again. Lots of very slow, almost imperceptibly slow, baby steps over a long period of time.

      I praise God and rejoice that you are living in God’s peace and are able to hold the outcome of everything loosely as you trust Christ completely. There is no better place to be!

      I pray with you and stand with you in prayer for all who read here.

      Much love to you!

    2. Wow! What a powerful post! I am in the same situation as you are, and I connect easily with nature, so your analogy of the walk in the woods really spoke to me!
      It struck me, that yes, no matter what happens, God is using it for good…

      I have been gripped in fear over the uncertainty of my marriage for a long time, and it is time to lay it to rest!
      I will no longer allow ANYBODY to determine my happiness other than living each day according to His will… I need to learn to fine tune my reception, but every time I allow fear to enter my mind, I will replace it with faith…because ultimately that’s all I can rely on.

      Thank you for such a great post and prayer!

      Warmly, A Lifelong Learner!

    3. So good to hear this, LMS! Wow!!! God is so good!!!

      I can hear you have peace back!

      I’ve thought of you a lot the last several days and thought that I wanted to tell you that it’s not your job to save your husband (I so understand that weight of the thought that if we could just get the Christian life down perfectly, we could save our husbands!) We just can’t do it, you or I or anyone. It takes such pressure off, right? And, then as the pressure comes off and we just live in the joy of being a child of God, Christ ends up being glorified in our lives in a more powerful way! And, you kind of addressed that in your comment “I am no longer going to try to please my husband with my goodness or the new me”….but just living for God. Yes!!! And, already your husband seems to be responding to this new contentment. I don’t understand it all, but I do think it’s amazing how people seem to be able to pick up on the underlying attitudes we’re carrying. Even though we don’t think a big change has happened outwardly, it seems those internal shifts are detected by others, even though they wouldn’t necessarily be able to verbalize it or put their finger on it. But we know. 😉

      Some good things have happened in my marriage the last few days, as well.

      But, my main problem today has been hoping that I will not fall back into putting him first! He was my idol for so long that I’m thinking about it all a lot as we seem to be going forward a little in our marriage. All in all, though, I have to trust that God has done a big work in me and even though I will stumble at times, He will catch me and remind me of the lessons He’s taught me.

      Oh, p.s., I’ve thought so many times as I’ve gone through this trial that our marriage is dying and that thought has actually brought a lot of peace as I knew that it needed to! We were so dysfunctional, there was not much good to hang on to it from the old way. I actually remember reading a book called A Severe Mercy a couple of years ago and realizing that our marriage needed to die. I kind of knew it had to happen, but the process has still been painful. And, may not even be over yet. Who knows? But God is faithful. 🙂

    4. LMS, YES!

      I am so excited right now, about what you wrote and about how closely it parallels some things I’ve been thinking through lately. I’ll see if I can get my scrambled thoughts in order and write something that makes sense!!

      Expectations of perfection……I ‘clicked’ with one of the most incredible verses in the bible last couple of days. Hebrews 10:14 “For by one sacrifice he has made perfect forever those who are being made holy.”

      YOU ARE PERFECT. I AM PERFECT. God has made us ‘perfect’ in His sight even while we are being made holy. What an awesome scripture! It allows for the growth of that perfect life within us. It allows for mistakes, falling and failing yet God looks at Christ in us and says “you are perfect”. Yay, I’m finally perfect! No more crawling and weakness, I’m free to love with meekness!!

      Dying! Yes! My wife said to me last week “Look, I’ve been trying to let you down slowly but it’s 100% over. You will never change”. Hmmm….big blow. Combined with the slander being dished out that was a very hard day. BUT over the course of the last week I realised that she is wrong. Dead wrong. Because not only has that old me changed, IT NO LONGER EXISTS. It has died in Christ, been buried with Him and has risen in new life. She can’t see that and is hanging on to that old me to justify her sin. The old me is DEAD. You can’t change more than that, heh.

      The old marriage is dead too. Gone. Kaput. I was looking through some old photos and some things that my wife made for me and thinking wow, she had a really kind and loving heart. That isn’t there anymore. It’s dead. We can never go back to the same way of relating, we’ve been through too much. Too much pain, too much betrayal, too much. That was hard to let go of. I liked who she was when I met her. A lot. That’s why I married her! But now, it’s time for new growth.

      I like your illustration of the earth and the natural cycle. Very cool. But as this new cycle starts for us both, let’s not expect ANYTHING other than Christ in us. For me that means I don’t expect the separation to end anytime soon and maybe never. We may stay separated permanently. That’s ok 🙂 Our relationship was toxic and becoming more so right up until it ended. It HAD to die. No other option. It was on life support and God graciously turned off the support and said nope, I’m going to make something better. I love the illustration Jesus gave ” except a grain lf wheat fall into the ground and die it cannot bring forth fruit”.

      Using your growing illustration, the seed planted in our life has a divine nature. I have a nursery and grow a few hundred thousand plants a year. I have never planted a seed for one species and seen another species come up. It doesn’t happen! I have also never seen two plants of the same species that look exactly the same. They all share the same characteristics but they are all unique! They all have the same leaf shape, the same sort of bark, the same approximate mature height but none of them are the same as each other.

      We share the same seed, Christ 🙂 We all as a family will have the same characteristics but we are all unique. Our marriages are unique. The way we serve the Lord is unique. But we can be certain that what is growing in our lives is of Him and will have His nature. I don’t know what fruit will come but I don’t have to. God knows. I’m along for the ride 🙂

      I’m very encouraged to see your growth LMS. Keep fighting the good fight! Much prayer in Christ. HH

      1. HH, I’m so happy to hear some of the things God is showing you! Brother, these are the things that have to be worked out before we can experience the victorious life Christ has bought for us. We have to believe these truths – that we are perfect even as we are being made holy – I love, love that verse in Hebrews!

        I love that you shared that we share the same seed, Christ, and that we can be certain that what is growing in our lives is of Him and will have His nature. I believe that with my whole heart. We are born again. We are new creations. We are not of this world.

        Yes, we are free to stumble. God will pick us up. It doesn’t mean we try to stumble. Just we have confidence that when we do, all is well. We don’t take God by surprise. He remembers that we are made of dust. Nothing is lost; God redeems and uses it all. His grace is HUGE!!! Living in His grace propels your Christian walk. Living under “ought-to’s” and “should haves” is just so discouraging and defeating and we stay stuck.

        This is the basic message of the books I recommended to you a couple of weeks ago. It is resting in the finished work of Christ and realizing there is nothing we can do to add onto what He has done. He has made us righteous in His sight. Period. And, yes, He is sanctifying us. But, even that is a promise that He will do the work. Faithful is the One who called you and He will do it. Who will do it? Us as we obey perfectly? No, *HE* is faithful and *HE* will do it! This is the faith of the Christian. Our hope and trust is in Him alone!

        Love ya, brother! So thankful for the good things God is doing in you – and all of us! 🙂

        1. ContentinChrist & HumbledHusband,
          Have you ever heard the song that goes like this:

          “all religion ever made of me was just a sinner with a stone tied to me feet, it never set me freeeeeeeeeee!”

          Galatians…Paul is saying to these people that they are FREE IN CHRIST—and that the Jews were trying to get them to follow religion instead of simply having FAITH in what CHRIST HAS ALREADY DONE!!

          That seriously took me a long time to grasp…..but God finally opened my eyes to see that I can never be good enough—— if the law could save us, then there would be no reason for Christ! The riches of His grace!!!! I pray all of His children would have their eyes opened to really see in their hearts that there is nothing we can do….. we must rely on what He has already done!! HALLELUJAH!

          Beware—the devil wants nothing more than for us to believe that we are not clean and that we are not really in Christ! He is the accuser–we must not forget that! We overcome these attacks by faith in what He has done! AMEN!

          Blessings,
          Amanda

          1. Yes, have heard that song! It’s so interesting because this message of the finished work of Christ and who we are in Him was the message I was saved through. But, the enemy is deceptive and a couple of years into my Christian walk, I started to feel defeated and condemned. God had to re-teach me and even now, I am still learning new lessons as to my security in Christ and how, as you always remind us, Amanda – He is enough and if we have Him, we have all we need!

            One of my favorite songs that speak to our position in Christ is Before The Throne of God Above:

            Before the throne of God above
            I have a strong and perfect Plea;
            A great high priest whose name is Love
            Who ever lives and pleads for me.

            My name is graven on His hands,
            My name is written on His heart.
            I know that while in Heaven He stands,
            No tongue can bid me thence depart.
            No tongue can bid me thence depart.

            When Satan tempts me to despair
            And tells me of the guilt within,
            Upward I look and see Him there
            Who made an end to all my sin.

            Because the sinless Savior died,
            My sinful soul is counted free,
            For God the Just is satisfied
            To look on Him and pardon me,
            To look on Him and pardon me.

            Behold Him there, the risen Lamb;
            My perfect spotless Righteousness,
            The great unchanging all I Am,
            The King of glory and of grace.

            One with Himself, I cannot die;
            My soul is purchased by His blood.
            My life is hid with Christ on high;
            With Christ, my Savior and my God,
            With Christ, my Savior and my God.

            One with Himself, I cannot die;
            My soul is purchased by His blood.
            My life is hid with Christ on high;
            With Christ, my Savior and my God,
            With Christ, my Savior and my God.

            Such a powerful song!

  3. Wow!! I didn’t know my husband was supposed to contact me at work and phone on the way home. Also when I used to work it was forbidden at any time to call anyone or anything while at work. So maybe some husbands can not do this because of the work. Will no wonder i’m happy. I expect little and also I’ve been by myself most of my life with no family. So my expectations are low.

    1. Modest Christian,

      I think that the expectation of constant texting is more of a younger generation thing, most likely. Before there were cell phones – most people were not allowed to take personal calls at work. There was an expectation that you don’t call people at work unless there is an emergency. There are still companies where people are not allowed to use their phones on their shifts. But with so many people carrying smart phones, the expectations of continuous contact and texting have added quite a bit of strain on a lot of relationships, in my view.

      Thank you for sharing your perspective! 🙂

    2. That seems funny to me too! I’ll call my husband at work if I need him to pick something up or there’s an emergency, but otherwise,…he’s supposed to be working! And he works with computers too. And I wouldn’t dream of being upset if he didn’t call me back. I certainly couldn’t answer phone call or texts when I was working as a nurse, there wasn’t time.

  4. I shared this as a post on my other blog for single women. Maybe it will be a blessing to y’all, too!

    ———-
    From a single brother in Christ, this is his first time sharing here. I pray his words might bless you:

    I spent many years feeling sorry for myself, thinking that women just don’t love me. And then God intervened—in a HUGE way.

    I’ll tell you the basics of what God impressed upon my heart. About 10 years ago, I joined the prayer team ministry at my church. I pray with a group of people during the church service. We pray for what is going on in the service—that the Holy Spirit would teach as the pastor preaches his sermon, that the ears of the congregation would be open, that the music would bless the people, that God would be glorified during the sermon, etc. We ask the Holy Spirit to bring things to our minds that we should give to God in prayer. Eventually, I started to realize that my prayers were literally my LOVE LETTERS going to God on behalf of others. I learned that I could love others through prayer. I started to take this approach to my singleness. I started to realize that if I could not love one woman through marriage, maybe there was a special calling on my life.

    I decided that if I could not love one woman through marriage, then I would just love ALL WOMEN through prayer.

    There was to be no more self pity. My attitude changed for the better. Valentine’s Day was no longer a day for self pity. Yesterday was Valentine’s Day. Instead of feeling sorry for myself, I spent much of the day praying for women, loving them with all of my heart through prayer. And I noticed several women who were wearing pretty dresses. I walked up to a couple of them and said to them—“I really like your dress. It looks very pretty on you.” These ladies appreciated my compliment.

    Singleness cannot stop me from loving women. Rejection cannot stop me from reaching out to women. So much of life is all about attitude and asking God to give us victory in spite of our circumstances.

    I have no reason to feel sorry for myself. I’m in the eternal family of God. God loves us with all of His heart—-and He will one day make sure that EVERYBODY loves us in The New Heaven and New Earth. If only hurting singles could understand this wider, eternal perspective. Praying for a woman to come to know Jesus is the most loving thing that I can do for her. It is more loving than giving her a candlelight dinner. Candlelight dinners are wonderful, but I want ALL WOMEN to know Jesus. I want EVERY PERSON to know Jesus and I want to be a useful tool in the hands of God. I love women with all of my heart and will continue to reach out to them in appropriate ways.

    I feel so sad for the lonely singles in the church. I know how their hearts long for the companionship of a person of the opposite sex. I know that pain very well. The pain hits a person from so many angles. The pain can be overwhelming. I know. I lived with that pain for 45 years of my life. I would see a pretty woman walking down the street in a pretty red dress and I would long to be with her or ask her out on a date. She’d walk away and I would say to myself—“I’ll never see her again.” Suddenly, I would feel the dagger going through my heart again. I would cry out to God—“God, I cannot take this pain anymore.”

    But then I learned a principle. God intervened once again. It was as if God had spoken to me face to face. I learned that I could love ANYBODY through prayer. God knows everything about the person for whom I am praying. He also loves that person. I now have a prayer notebook at home that contains over 200 listings of over 200 women. Most of these listings are of women whose names are unknown to me. For example, I might make a logging like this:

    “Woman at Denny’s Restaurant, September 22, 2015, beautiful smile, dark brown hair, pink blouse. Lord Jesus, please touch her heart with the truth of the Gospel. I write about this woman on paper in anticipation of this woman’s name being written in The Lamb’s Book Of Life. Lord Jesus, I care about this woman’s eternal destination and relationship with You. I know that You love her. I want to love her, too, in Heaven. In the meantime, I’ll love her through prayer for the rest of my life. Thank You, Jesus, for bringing her before me. I give her to You today. In the name of Jesus I pray, Amen.” I don’t hurt anymore when women walk away. I just love them through prayer and God gives me the support that I need. This is just one of the ways that I can deal with any loneliness that comes my way.

  5. HH, LMSDaily115, and CIC,

    I LOVE LOVE LOVE what God is showing each of you! WOOHOO! This is AWESOME! Makes me smile the biggest smile ever. 🙂

    Becca,

    Thank you for praying for LMSdaily115. 🙂

    1. My dear brothers and sisters.

      I am slowly learning all that the Lord is trying to teach me. Very slowly. I am glad He is a patient teacher as I am a poor student!

      We have been praying for each other a lot and I am certain that the Lord has heard these prayers as I see evidence in your lives and mine of His work 🙂 I have actually stopped praying for my wife to be reconciled with me as I do not think that is the most important thing. My thoughts have been drawn more and more to the deep pain and insecurity she carries inside of her and I have seen how this is driving her to find peace in all sorts of destructive ways. She is reacting to this pain in sinful ways yes and a lot of these ways are causing me immense emotional pain, but I have a deep, deep love for her welfare which I believe is a God given thing (1 John 4:7) and I am convinced that she needs to know Christ as saviour, friend and healer regardless of whether we ever reconcile or not. Reconciliation is almost irrelevant to me at this point actually.

      Which brings me to a prayer request! Many of you have offered to pray for me and I am so grateful for this offer. I wonder could I please ask you to pray specifically for my wife, that the Lord would bring someone into her life who could show her where true peace is found. I cannot think of anything more wonderful or glorifying to God to see her find true peace and joy and be able to release het fear to God and know the incredible reality of His love and presence. This is my daily prayer for her also.

      Much love and thanks. HH

      1. HH. This is very beautiful. It has been wonderful to watch your growth in this journey over the last few months. It is true that you cannot give away what you don’t receive. The love that God has given you and His grace mercy and kindness is filling you up and overflowing to now go out to your wife. This is His intended purpose. For us to “love one another as God loves His church”. Your prayer request exemplifies this beautifully. I hope we all can recognize this great example you have shown!

        Although our spouses salvation can become an idol, it is very important to leave that up to God and our spouses. We are simply to be a light to draw them to God.

        I pray that your wife takes the time to soul search and meditate on the real meaning of life. I pray that the light that HH is shining can help reach her. I pray that God uses His people to lift up, encourage, and draw them to His kingdom. Lord, I pray that you help HH’s spouse to come to the end of herself and start to look to you for help. I know you are waiting for your lost child to come home. I pray that when she is done living among the swine, like the prodigal son, that she can pick herself up and come to you, her father. What rejoicing will happen when she does! Good Father, I pray that you continue to walk alongside HH as he learns his plan you have for him. I pray that you protect his children from the emotional and spiritual harm of the world. I pray that your just ways discipline with love and kindness to bring your daughter home. In your loving name, amen

      2. I thought of this comment yesterday, HH.

        I was watching my husband swimming in the ocean and I felt compassion for him that is different. I felt a desire for him to be free from his chains and bondage. In the past, I think praying for his salvation was for me. Actually, I know it was. I’ve talked to God about it several times the last year. But, didn’t know how to change my heart there. I realized yesterday that the feeling I had at that moment was different. It wasn’t for me anymore. Thought of your comment, too, and your pain for your wife. Smiled when I realized God had been faithful – again – to bring me to a place I couldn’t get to on my own. And how He’s doing that for you and many others of us here.

        He is so good. I will pray for your wife and all of us whose spouses are groping in the dark, unaware they’re even there. Just like we were at one time.

        God is glorified in and through you, HH!

        1. Yes!!! That is exactly it 🙂 I am praying so differently this last week, it is ALL for her blessing, salvation and God’s glory. Truly a heart for her good. Praise God for His work in us all!! HH

        2. CIC,

          Wow. It just blesses my soul to see what God is doing in you and how you are sharing.

          To me, watching God work in you, LMSDaily115, HH, and so many others and to see how God is using y’all to bless and encourage and pray with other people is the most beautiful thing in the world.

          I’m honored to get to watch God working in your life. Thank you for sharing with those who are hurting here.

          1. Are we not all so blessed to be part of the beautiful body!

            Even in these difficult times we can share the blessings of Christ in each of us!
            Hallelujah brothers and sisters! Let us be fishers of men!!!

            Let us share our blessings far and wide!
            Jesuscentreoflife

          2. I just laugh at how this is the whole message of your blog and my eyes are just opening up to it all. It strikes me as funny for some reason that it took so long for me to “see”!!! But, I’m so, so thankful for God leading me to your website because it has played an extremely pivotal role in what God has done in my life. I know that you and others here pray faithfully for your readers, too, April, and I’m aware that God has used those prayers in mighty ways in our lives.

            I know there is so much more to learn, but I feel excited, not scared anymore of what that might mean.

            I know that there are struggles around the bend and by no means have I figured it all out or do I have all the answers. I just know the One who will always be with me and never leave me and that He has always been and always will be enough! And, I’m sure you all will have to remind me from time to time as I slip and stumble and put my eyes on lesser things.

            Y’all hold a special place in my heart and I think of so many of you often and pray for you.

          3. ContentinChrist,

            I love to see people begin to really understand what I am talking about. WOOHOO! This bring me such joy! I do pray for my readers. I praise God for what He is doing in your heart, my precious sister. 🙂

            Thank you for sharing and for your prayers. What a blessing to get to watch God work in your life for His glory!

        3. HH and CiC,

          These are such beautiful messages, and though I hope never to be in this situation. I hope that will have learned from the wisdom that you have shared.

          We serve a faithfulGod,
          Jesuscentreoflife

          1. Yes! We do serve a faithful God!! Amen. He can be trusted. He is good.

            And, yes, so thankful for the body of Christ – for brothers and sisters in Christ. How beautiful that we have never met face to face but as we share in Christ, the bond is deeper than any other bond on this earth.

            I look forward to the day that we can have a “peacefulwife” reunion in heaven with our Savior and all meet face to face!

  6. April,
    This really is a life/death issue for some women!! I know it was for me until I married my husband! When I dated people, our relationship hung on every last text or phone call. I litreally measured my worth by how much a boyfriend/boy contacted me! No wonder I was so unbelievably miserable and heart broken!!!

    The very ironic thing about my husband is that he is seriously the most quiet person ever. He literally doesn’t speak when I’m around him unless I ask him a question or he needs something or to tell me something. We literally don’t talk unless there’s something to talk about lol.

    Before God brought me to your blog I used to measure how much my husband loved me by if we talked to me or not. Ironically, though, we text all the time if we are apart. Especially if he is working out of state. Even when we are BOTH HOME and there is a major thing or issue going on, he’ll go outside in the car and text me about it. I think we both just can get our thoughts out better through text if that makes sense. When we try to talk we both say things that we don’t mean and we both misunderstand what we’re trying to say. It’s weird. But I’m THANKFUL for TEXTING! lol.

    At the same time, if my husband doesn’t text me at work one day at all, I don’t freak out or anything because I know he can be really busy at work and needs to focus, and I know that if he isn’t busy he’ll text me.

    I think it really depends on the man, and if he is into it or not. Now that I know my husband will never “ignore” me on purpose like past men have, I am not insecure like I used to be with all of that. But even if my husband didn’t text me at all and he could, I would not be insecure these days, now that God has shined the light of Jesus in my heart about being content! 🙂

    And actually, I just realized something major. WOW. I have still been using a measurement scale for my son’s father. I have been measuring how much his father cares about our son by how much he contacts him. wow. His father rarely, if ever, contacts him. I used to “make” him contact him, but I gave that up about 3 years ago when I realized it wasn’t helping and that if his father cared, he’d call on his own. It’s been 3 years and so far he has not really changed a thing in terms of contact. Not coincidentally, he was one of my past relationships where I measured my worth according to his phone contact, seeing we had a long distance relationship while he was in the military. He rarely contacted me in those years, which was obviously an unhealthy relationship! However, I was VERY needy and clingy and would try to contact him ALL the time, so it’s no wonder he totally withdrew.

    Interesting, something to think about for sure!! Thanks! 🙂 You definitely nailed it!

    Love,
    Amanda

    1. Satisfied Wife,

      Thank you so much for sharing how God has transformed your perspective on this issue. It is a very important issue for so many wives.

      I’m glad y’all know you can communicate well in text form – and that you use that, even if you are both home. That is awesome!

      So thankful that you don’t freak out if your husband doesn’t text you when he is at work. That is wonderful! And I am excited that you are seeing some ways you have measured the love of men in the past and your husband’s love – maybe in some inaccurate ways.

      I always love to hear from you, my precious sister! You are a blessing!

      1. My husband and I do something similar. He works from home most of the time and I’m a stay-at-home mom so we are in the house together a lot. We find that it works best for me to email him if I have something serious or emotional to discuss. I find that, in emails, I censor what I say a little more and I give a good amount of thought into how things are phrased so I can make sure to be respectful. Then, he can read the email when he gets a chance, take time to process what I said, and he will come find me in the house when he’s ready to talk about the issue. I can’t tell you how many fights have been diffused by us doing it this way. I know it probably sounds wacky to some people but he and I are both good writers and we both convey thoughts and feelings much clearer through writing. We both have a tendency to misread each other’s facial expressions, tone, and body language too when talking in person and emailing takes all of those factors out of the equation, leaving less room for hurt feelings and misunderstandings. Sometimes I have even written an email and then decided not to send it because just the process of writing it out diffused whatever emotions I had, or I realized I was being unreasonable through writing, etc. I say do whatever works!

        1. Casey,
          YES! I totally understand when you said that sometimes you write things out and then actually don’t send it! lol! It gives time to really think about what you want to say. A lot of things have been avoided by this very tactic for me as well! It gives me extra time. Lol I totally feel you on this one!! 🙂

          Love,
          Amanda

          1. I think writing down is so important whether or not we share it! It gives a way to look at it outside of us, if that makes sense, then we can always take the sting out of what we have written and share that.
            Jesuscentreoflife

  7. Can I please just “second” this wisdom and put a magnifying glass on it?

    “Another thing to keep in mind is that when your husband is working is not a good time to try to have deep, serious, painful discussions about the relationship or to shower him with lots of problems. There may be some problems you need to share with him when he is at work that need urgent attention. But generally keeping the conversation light, sweet, and pleasant, while he is at work can be a blessing to him – unless there is truly an emergency, of course.”

    Most all of our really nasty fights begin while I’m at work. I need to work at work, not “do relationship stuff” while at work. Naturally, I’m more short tempered so it makes me bad at “relationship stuff” and then the added distraction makes me very bad at work as well. Then I’m left doing neither of them well, letting everyone down.

  8. I have learned that the secret of being content in any and every situation…

    Whether my husband shows love in the ways I prefer or not.

    Whether my husband does what I want him to or not.

    Whether my husband puts his life in danger or not.

    Whether my husband is alive or not.

    Even though my husband has passed away.

    I can do all this through Him who gives me strength. In fact, whether my husband meets my needs or he doesn’t, Jesus always meets my deepest needs and I will be abundantly content in Him!

    Disclaimer: I am not totally there yet, but this is my prayer. Since my husband passed away, I am more aware of people discontent around me. I think singles are discontent and married people also.

    Now, I am greiving my husband who was also my friend. It has been 5 months now since he is passed away. But, I think we all need to find contentment in Christ, regardless of the situation, and yes, easier said than done.

    This post makes a lot of sense.

    1. Yasmine,

      I am so thankful to hear your insights. You are always welcome to share with us. I think your perspective is incredibly important and valuable for all of us.

      I am praying for healing for you, my precious sister!

    2. I will pray for you right now, that God will hold you close in your time of grieving and that you will find joy and contentment even in this season of pain.

  9. What a great topic, and even greater way to approach it. I, too have struggled with feeling insecure when my husband didn’t take the time to text/call me while on his breaks at work, or even respond to the messages I sent him. I knew it was silly to get upset over, but the truth was that it did make me upset. I decided just to communicate my frustrations with my husband, and he was super understanding. He, too explained that he communicate in written word like I do, and that his lack of communication throughout the work day in no way meant that he didn’t miss me or that he wasn’t thinking about me. Because he knows it is important to me, he does make more of an effort to contact me throughout his day, even if that is just by sending me a simple “I love you” text.

    1. beingmrsparry,

      I love that y’all had a discussion about this – that you shared your feelings and what you would like. I love that he shared that whether he texted you or not he loves you and misses you. And I love that he tries to contact you more often.

      That was a BEAUTIFUL job handling this issue! 🙂

  10. I love words, I love communicating with words, and yet I find myself enjoying being in silence with my wife, there is something that is peaceful and content when we are together that way. Often there are things which are hard to say and then a letter can allow me to share things rather an speaking because it allows me to say things exactly as I wish to. I process things slowly and if I am pushed to answer speaking then the words sometimes come out wrong.

    As to texting at work, we are both teachers, so does it happen unless we are not with the students. It is usually to ask a question or short things of little consequence. Neither of us time to really respond to more substantial emails/texts.

    Even when I write, which I love to do, if I want to say something meaningful, it takes a while. I would read and/or write 250 well written words rather than 500 or 1,000 less well crafted words.

    I think we simply have to also learn to listen to our spouses, what is he or she saying, perhaps more importantly, not saying: the gaps of tense silence; the hurt or joy in the voice, the UPPER CASE LETTERS in texts and emails, etc.

    1. jesuscentreoflife,

      I really like your explanation about how you need time to process and you don’t do well if you are pressured to speak. I think a lot of men probably feel that way – and maybe a quite a few women, too. 🙂

      I also love that it is possible to just be still and quiet together and to enjoy that, as well.

      Thank you for sharing so many insights!

      1. Sister April,

        We are all different, and having grown up with someone, firing questions at me, demanding rapid answers, often to me making mistakes, or saying I don’t know. I so wanted to please my father, but couldn’t so would clam up. Communicating verbally has therefore has been connected with tension for me it has felt like life or death thing, especially for those I care deeply about.

        When I can listen to Jesus, he can help me have the patience, I was not given, and hear the soothing words, that he knows I need, He gives me courage and healing with His words.

        Thank you Brother Jesus, and thank you for bringing these new sisters and brothers into my life,
        Jesuscentreoflife

        1. Jesuscentreoflife,
          That makes total sense to me. If a man associates verbal conversation with tension – I could see how you may feel paralyzed.

          Thank you for sharing this, I am sure these insights will bless some of our sisters.

          1. Peacefulwife,

            I am so happy to have found this group and you. Thank you for all of your kind and thoughtful responses. I am very happy to be revalidated, when I hear positive comments, it is by no means everything as lies only in our walk with Jesus but it is reassuring, as it can be lonely here as I say by faith: as for me and my house, we shall serve the Lord!

            I feel honored and respected to be part of this group, even though I didn’t have to receive an invitation.

            Many blessings upon you,
            Jesuscentreoflife

          2. Peacefulwife,

            Thank you for your kind and thoughtful responses, compliments aren’t everything, as we know; everything is in our walk with Jesus. That said, it can be kind of lonely here, speaking in faith: as for me and my house, we shall serve the Lord.

            I am so glad to have been welcomed in by you, peacefulwife and our various brothers and sisters, I feel honored and respected.

            Warmest wishes to you all and many blessings,
            Jesuscentreoflife

          3. Jesuscentreoflife,

            I’m so very glad you are here, too, my brother. Thank you for building up the Body and encouraging our brothers and sisters.

    2. Thanks for sharing – this sentence especially I think helps explain how my husband might feel: “I process things slowly and if I am pushed to answer speaking then the words sometimes come out wrong.”

      So good to hear the male perspective! 🙂

      1. Hello CiC,
        I think it is important to realize that I am only one person and men vary in how they take things in and digest them, I believe that men tend to stay with one task, project or thought for and see it through to the end.
        Steadfastness is a more masculine trait, it has been made negative by the word, one-track minded.
        Just as multitasking, a more feminine trait can be made to sound negative by the words, flighty or fickle.
        I would not suggest that anyone says that their husband processes slowly, or they get a very quick reaction, most likely not a positive one.
        Thank you sister,
        Jesuscentreoflife

        1. Hello, Brother!

          What do you mean by your last sentence? I’m having a hard time understanding! Are you saying that a woman shouldn’t tell their husband they process too slowly or they’ll probably get a very quick negative reaction? (I might be totally off the mark there!)

          I will remember that you are just one person, but I do think that my husband would be similar to you in this area.

          Thank you for sharing!

          1. Hello sister,

            Yes I think it is not necessarily the wisest thing to say:

            Hey honey, I know you process things slowly so let’s just deal with one thing at a time!

            This may feel like a slight to their capability.

            Honey will you look for the Advil in the medicine cabinet, men need to step back, check more or less each item. It doesn’t mean we are dense, just that men do and process differently. We often find it better so telling us that we are slow, is not helpful.

            We think in a straight line.

            Don’t expect a man who goes shopping to get something not on the list, even if you mentioned it to him as he was going out the door.

            A pleasure to help,
            Jesuscentreoflife

          2. CIC,

            If a wife says, “You process things slowly,” it will sound disrespectful, as if she thinks he is mentally challenged or something, in many cases. Probably better to just silently acknowledge to ourselves that our husbands need some time to process because they think differently from us so that we give them some extra time and space they need to think through things. It is possible for a wife to come across in a condescending way if she tries to explain this to her husband, “I am so decisive and can think really quickly, but you can’t,” or “I know you take forever to make decisions,” or “you are really slow,” could sound insulting.

  11. I was just told by my husband of 19 years that he doesn’t want to be married anymore. At first I was devastated and begged and pleaded with him to give me another try . Now even though I’m scared to lose him I’m praying and trying to focus my attention to the Lord . I’m new to this and I’m a slow learner but I will keep trying ,even if I fail daily. Please keep me in your prayers for the strength I need to go through this . Thank you
    Brenda

    1. Brenda,

      This breaks my heart! So many people are in the same painful situation right now here. 🙁 if you are interested in being in a closed FB prayer group of women, you may search my home page for “Facebook” to find the post with the link. Many women there are walking this same road, you may find enocragement and support there, too.

      My first goal is to get you spiritually healed. If you are willing and interested, we can do a spiritual check up on you. 🙂

      I also would love to invite you to search my home page for:
      – when your husband says I’m done
      – I don’t think my husband loves me, can I be a godly wife?
      – my husband wanted a divorce
      – a divorce and remarriage story
      – separated wife
      – healthy vs unhealthy relationships
      – fear
      – control
      – insecurity
      – security
      – contentment
      – encouragement for those who are in the trenches

      Much love to you!!! And the biggest hug. I pray for God’s healing for you both individually first, and then His healing for your marriage for His glory!

    2. Dear Brenda,

      This breaks my heart too.

      Is your husband a believer?
      Are there things in yours and his past married life that might have led to this?
      infidelity, disrespectful or unloving behavior, or does it come out of the blue?

      One has to respect his decision but at the same time: unless he is proceeding with concrete separation/divorce steps, I think there may be some hope.

      I do not believe the way to change his mind is by persuasion, but by surrendering yourself totally to God’s Will! When you can do that God can also work in your husband.

      Only Our Lord can truly fix the brokenness in someone’s heart, yours and maybe your husband too, who knows.

      We live in a society that does not believe in repair, but throwing away and getting a new one. At one point, I thought that because, my wife and I couldn’t have children I needed a new wife. It took a lot of work on my part to give up on this notion and give my will up to our Sweet Savior. If there is another person in his life, there may come a time that new person has deficits. But that is not something that be changed in your but by a work of God.You may respectfully make suggestions and that can with Our Lord’s watering and help to sprout may cause a seed of change.

      For me marriage is NOT, NOT, NOT about changing one’s spouse, requiring them to fall in with your plans but can we truly become one. That can be painful, because we needs must compromise on certain things and know your own mind on other things.

      If a spouse changes and grows more towards you in a certain way, I think we must always thank God for doing a work in him or her.

      I will certainly pray for you,

      Dear Jesus,
      You are the one,
      Who may help release,
      Your struggling servant Brenda,
      From the anguish and pain in her marriage.
      Please help her see that her surrender
      To Your will,
      Is the best way allow for healing in her.
      In Your Holy Name,
      Amen.

      May you be blessed
      Jesuscentreoflife

My grandmother is on hospice and won't be with us much longer (11-30-16). I will get to comments when I am able to but I need to be with family right now. Thanks for understanding.

%d bloggers like this: